September 2003

Luna let herself into her home, and set her belongings on the kitchen table. She sucked in a long breath and willed her hands to stop shaking. Breathe, Luna, she coached herself. When she closed her eyes, she saw Harry sitting across from her at the Muggle café. Stop it! she shouted at herself. Opening her eyes, she moved across the kitchen to her small desk, and glanced down at the papers indicating necessary edits for the upcoming Quibbler publication. She sighed and dropped into the chair, silently praying to get lost in the Quibbler. After reading the same note three times, she threw the papers down and ran her hands over her face. It was no good - nothing could distract her from what Harry just told her...

Was he truly going to marry Ginny? Luna knew that Harry was technically still in a relationship wither her. But that's what it came down to - a technicality. More often than not, Ginny was away - for Quidditch matches, tours, conferences... and when it was the off-season? She was being whisked between parties, and galas, and interviews... Harry was alone the majority of their time as a couple and yet... and yet was still going to choose her.

Luna's face burned with shame as soon as the thought crossed her mind.

Why should he choose Luna? If she was honest with herself, their relationship never moved past friendship despite her ever-growing feelings for Harry. The morning after he stumbled into her garden four years ago was just the beginning of what would become their daily routine. Harry would always show up at her gate and they'd spend the day together - going for walks, working in her garden, making day trips into town or into London... No matter what, Harry always made it to her. She had been the one who he turned to when the darkness got too great and Luna knew that Harry hadn't told Ginny just how badly he was struggling after the war. Sometimes, when Harry fell asleep on her couch after late nights talking, he'd awake from nightmares screaming. Screaming for Luna, not for Ginny. And all this time, Luna had accepted his need for her. She'd been steady for him, as steady as rock, when Harry had needed her. And this was how he was going to repay her?

Did you really think he'd sacrifice Ginny Weasley for you? she asked herself bitterly. Of course not. Ron Weasley was his best friend, and the Weasleys were truly the only family that Harry had ever known. Why would Harry sacrifice his family for a woman who was still regarded with mirth through out the wizarding world? The choice was easy - Ginny Weasley, world renown Quidditch star, or Luna Lovegood, eccentric editor of quack publication The Quibbler? Luna laughed harshly at herself before placing her face in her hands and bursting into tears.

Luna had no idea how long she sat like that at her table. She felt a hand on her shoulder and glanced up, noting how the lowered sun cast shadows throughout her kitchen.

"Luna," Harry murmured, kneeling before her. He pulled her hands down into his and ran his thumbs over her soft skin. Luna lowered her gaze to him and studied his face, searching for signs of what he was thinking. Harry raised her hands to his lips and placed soft, reverent kisses on each hand. She sucked in a breath and pulled her hands free of his, running them down the length of her trousers. Harry looked up at her, hurt marring his features. After a moment, he nodded and stood, walking the length of her kitchen. Once he reached the far corner, he turned back to watch her. Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against her counter.

"Say the word, Luna, and I won't do it. Tell me not to marry her and I won't," Harry stated. As if he were asking the most simple request of her. Luna's mouth dropped open as she stared at him.

"You can't possibly be serious," she stuttered. Harry shook his head.

"Luna, I am deadly serious. Tell me not to, and I won't," he responded. Luna narrowed her eyes at him and stood. She turned her back to him, and began absent-mindedly organizing The Quibbler notes before her. Her hands began to shake again.

"Don't be a fool," she said, and heard Harry cross the room. Her wrapped his fingers around her upper arms and pulled her gently back towards him, turning her so that she was facing him. With a finger, he lifted her chin so that she was forced to look into his eyes.

"Say the word, Luna," he repeated. His eyes seemed to beg her to. With that Luna broke free of his touch. Suddenly, she was angry.

"I have to be the one to tell you, to ask you, not to marry your girlfriend? And I thought that Gryffindors prided themselves on bravery." Luna pushed passed him, and walked into the adjoining room. She looked around and fixated on the clutter on her table. Luna prayed that she appeared distracted and that Harry wouldn't be able to pick up on how shaken she was. She heard Harry follow her from the kitchen. Luna gathered the various books and parchment rolls into her arms.

"Bravery? Luna, I'm telling you that I will risk everything that I have-" he began. Luna whipped around and glared at him.

"Make the decision for yourself, Harry. I will not be the reason that you fix blame on when you realize that you'll be held accountable for your actions. Do you want to marry her, Harry? Do you?!" Luna shouted at him. Harry blanched and hardened his jaw. "What, Harry? Nothing to say. It's a simple question. Do you love her? Do you want to marry her?"

"I- Luna, it's not that simple-" he began walking toward her but she held up a hand, stopping him in his tracks.

"It's the most simple question! Do you love her?" Luna enunciated each word, and began rushing around the room, throwing books that she had gathered on to random surfaces. She couldn't look at his face. She couldn't.

"I... Well, yes. I do love her," Harry answered. Luna's shoulders slumped and she dropped the remaining parchment to the floor. Do. Not. Cry, she coached herself.

"Well, there you have it. Congratulations, Harry. If you'll excuse me," she said, and moved to re-enter the kitchen. Harry stepped into her path.

"But I love you too."

Luna looked up at him. "I won't make your decisions for you, Harry. And I won't let you treat me like this anymore." She knocked into him, bumping him out of her way.

"Treat you like what, Luna? Treat you like I've been falling in love with you every single damn day for the last four years?" Harry shouted. He was quickly losing his cool and he squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to calm down. When he reopened them, Luna was standing in the middle of the kitchen, her back to him. Absolutely still. He moved towards her and ran a finger along her braid, breathing in the smell of her hair - wildflowers. "You have to know, Luna. I know that I'm not alone in this," he whispered. Luna let out a shuddering sob.

"Every day, for four years, I've let you into my home... into my life. I won't pretend that I was the only one available for you, but I was the only one who you wanted. And for every single day, I've watched you leave me at night... to go home to her. To go to a life that you clearly don't want," Luna turned and glared at him, tears streaming down her face. "And you have the audacity to expect me to ask you to choose me? Yes, I love you, Harry and I'm a fool for it. But pay me the respect that is due to those who you love. I won't grovel at your feet and beg for you. I'm better than that, and I deserve more. If you want me - I am here. I've been standing here, waiting for you. But you need to be the one to take the step," Luna said, pushing her finger into Harry's chest. "But I am finished with it and I'm asking you to make a decision now. And if you leave today and you're not with me, that door will no longer be open to you. I will no longer force myself to exist in a stunted reality waiting for you to notice me."

Harry glared at Luna, and stepped towards her. Once again, he placed his hands around her upper arms but this time, he yanked her towards him. And Luna met his eyes, glare for glare. But Luna wasn't expecting Harry to duck his head and press his lips against hers. His hands slid up her arms, and made their way into her hair. He deepened the kiss and unwittingly, Luna opened herself to him. But as soon as her eyes were closed, Harry was breaking the kiss.

"Goodbye, Luna," he whispered. He pressed one more kiss to her lips and left.