February 3, 2004

Luna fixed Hermione with a steady gaze as Hermione looked around her kitchen and shifted in her seat uncomfortably. Despite her forwardness at Luna's door, Hermione quickly descended into a nervous silence as soon as the two women were seated at Luna's kitchen table. Luna found it rather odd to see Hermione in such a state – usually she was self-assured and completely confident in her motives. This jittery person in front of her was nearly a stranger. Luna stifled a smile and averted her eyes, letting Hermione off the hook for the moment. Yes, Hermione certainly is different, Luna thought. But the war had changed everyone and Hermione was not completely altered. After all, she had intruded on Luna's peace and privacy, and demanded details of the most intimate and secret parts of her life.

It seemed as though Hermione was waiting for Luna to break the uncomfortable silence but Luna was absolutely comfortable with waiting for Hermione to explain herself. In fact, she was almost enjoying Hermione's obvious internal struggle. She had never been genuinely kind to Luna, and never gave anything to her by way of friendship other than a few pleasantries in passing. Hermione finally cleared her throat and Luna glanced back at her.

"I hope that you don't mind me saying this but you seem like you've changed a lot," Hermione said. Luna raised her eyebrow and found that she was at a loss for words. She expected Hermione to demand the details of her relationship with Harry Potter… not to remark on the transformation that Luna had experienced. Hermione finally looked at Luna, and Luna responded with a small shrug.

"I think it is common knowledge that war seems to alter everyone, even in the slightest way. The things that we both experienced, however different, irrevocably changed us. It is one of the horrors of war, in my opinion. Don't you feel different?"

Hermione paused to think, but only for a second. "Of course I feel different. I can't help but feel different. But at my core, I still am the same… but you… You're different, Luna. You're no longer airy… or flighty." At least Hermione had the courtesy to look embarrassed by her description.

"Yes, well. I suppose I was violently brought down to earth after my father's break down, his betrayal of you, being snatched in the night by Death Eaters, and tortured daily at the Lestrange manor. And when it was all over, did I come back to a broken yet fixable home? No." Luna paused for a moment and fought to retain control over her voice. Once she was certain that she could speak steadily and without coloring her words with rage did she continue. "No," she said softly. "My father was insane. Babbling and bumbling. He was a mere shadow of the man that he once was… a shell, if you will, of his former self. And I could not care for him. He lost his mind, quite literally, because of me."

"But surely you know that it wasn't your fault," Hermione said, softly.

"I realize how irrational that guilt is, but the root of it is true. His love for me caused his downfall. It took me a very long time to be able to look at myself in a mirror after I sent him to St. Mungo's. But you're not here to recount the aftermath of the Second War, are you? You're here for the details of my relationship with Harry. I don't know what it is you're looking for specifically, but I am afraid that you'll be disappointed. Harry and I haven't spoken in several months."

Hermione hesitated for a moment, surprised by Luna's sudden brusqueness. "I-Well… I…" Luna levelled Hermione with another of her penetrating stares, which only caused Hermione to become more uncomfortable. Her cheeks flushed red. "I apologize for intruding on you like this. I realize now how rude it was of me. The truth is… Harry is heading downhill and quickly. He's begun drinking again and had a physical row with Ron a few nights ago. And then he…" Hermione fixed her gaze on Luna, carefully watching for any reaction. "He said that he was in love with you."

Luna winced, despite her efforts not to. The pain of the past few months had finally diminished to a dull ache. At first, after that horrible day in which he had made his decision, any mention of Harry was debilitating, heart breaking. Luna was able to contain herself in public and act as though she was a disinterested friend. God, she was an amazing actress. But behind closed doors… it was as though her world was crumbling around her, over and over again.

Thankfully, Hermione possessed enough grace to allow Luna a moment to collect herself. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"He's mistaken," Luna said simply. She opened her eyes and glanced back to Hermione. "I'm sorry to hear that he's struggling but I don't see how his behavior has anything to do with me. Perhaps he's latching on to me because his relationship with Ginny failed."

Hermione narrowed her eyes and watched Luna carefully. "Failed? You don't know what happened between them, do you?"

"No. It is none of my business nor do I truly want to know what happened."

"He proposed to Ginny-"

"Hermione, please. I don't want to hear this-" Luna's voice fell dangerously close to begging but Hermione continued with her story, raising the volume of her voice slightly. Just so that she was speaking over Luna.

"He proposed to Ginny and she said yes. And then three weeks later, he broke it off with her. With absolutely no explanation. He said that he wasn't in love with her and didn't want to promise her a life that he had no interest in. He was fine for four years and then suddenly, it was as though we were nineteen again and the war had just ended. He's drinking, and he's fighting, and he's mean. And then he tells me, quite out of nowhere, that he's in love with you. At first I didn't believe it… I thought he was drunk and spouting off nonsense. But now that I'm looking at you," Hermione's voice dropped to just above a whisper. "I think that you're in love with him too."

Luna felt the tears pooling at the bottom of her eyes and she glared at Hermione. Suddenly, her careful restraint snapped and she felt the anger and hurt of the past months rushing back in. "Yes. What do you want me to say? Yes, I am in love with him. I don't want to be the reason why he broke off his engagement and I certainly don't want to be the reason why he's a drunk." Luna let out an angry sigh as the tears began to run down her cheeks. She swatted at them, but continued to glare at Hermione. "But he made his decision. So it's him who you should be having this conversation with. Not me," Luna spat at Hermione and jumped up from her chair. She grabbed the mugs of untouched tea and threw them into her sink.

"Luna! Please, just sit down!"

Luna rounded on Hermione and shot her an accusing stare. "It has taken me months to heal and you've undone it all in a matter of minutes. What do you want from me, Hermione?"

The two women glared at each other for a moment before Hermione softened her stare.

"I am desperately afraid for my friend. I love him and I am willing to do anything to understand why he's doing this to himself." Hermione slowly rose and approached Luna. In a quick movement, Hermione reached out and grabbed Luna's hand. "I think that you can help me understand and I would do… anything. Please, Luna…" Hermione began to plead.

The tears continued to fall steadily down her face but Luna looked at Hermione, studying her face. Hermione's jaw was clenched tightly, as if set in hard determination. Her eyes were, like her voice, pleading. Luna could instantly see the anxiety that Hermione was feeling due to Harry's current situation, and she felt her resolve to shut Hermione out falter.

Luna sighed softly and wiped once more at her eyes. She gestured to their abandoned chairs, motioning that Hermione should sit again. "Just… Give me a moment will you?" Hermione nodded and walked back to her chair. Luna watched her sit before walking into the small powder room that was just off of her kitchen. Luna closed the door behind her and turned to her reflection in the mirror above the sink.

"You can do this," she whispered to her image, and turned on the faucet. Cold water spluttered and coughed as it flowed through the pipes and finally began to fill the small porcelain bowl. Luna turned the knob off and splashed her face with the water, hoping that the cold would somehow summon her strength.

When she walked back into her kitchen, Hermione looked up at her expectantly and offered a small, sad smile. Luna crossed the room and sat gracefully onto her chair, as though her outburst from a few minutes ago never occurred. "What do you want to know, Hermione?"

"Just start at the beginning. I just want to understand."

Luna nodded and folded her hands on the table in front of her. Once more, she levelled Hermione with a steady stare. "It all started when Harry stumbled into my garden, drunk, at two in the morning."