February 5, 2004

Harry paced outside of Luna's house, attempting to shake the anger that he felt towards Hermione and the nervous energy that was flowing through his veins at the thought of facing Luna again. Hermione's face flashed before his eyes and Harry felt his anger spike once more. She had no right, he thought to himself. No bloody right. We were fine. We. Were. Fine. And now… Christ, who knows the damage she's done? Harry ran his fingers through his hair frantically, and felt strands come away in his fingers. He couldn't figure out what to do with himself and knew that if he did not calm down, he would be only moments away from a panic attack.

He shot a glance up at the house before him and his nervous pacing slowed. It was nearly 9:30 in the morning and yet, Luna had not made an appearance outside. Typically she was out in her garden by 8:45 at the very latest, despite it being February and freezing. Most of her plants lay either dormant or dead, but that didn't stop Luna from walking amongst them and planning, Harry supposed, for what she would do when spring came round again. And what would he do when she finally appeared? He hadn't quite gotten to that part of his plan yet and Harry had no idea how he would gather the courage to face her, let alone to speak with her. Luna could disarm him with a simple glance while they were friends… who knew what power she would hold over him now, with everything that had happened.

Hermione had no right to intrude on Luna and I have even less of a right than her, Harry reminded himself. If Luna asked him to leave, he would have to respect that. But Harry knew himself and he knew that he would lash out at her in anger. He rubbed his palms together and winced at the sticky, sweaty feeling that accompanied the action. But what are you going to say to her, you bloody arse?

The truth, perhaps?

Harry snorted at himself and resumed his frantic gait. What would the truth accomplish but to open up wounds that had nearly begun to heal over, for both him and for Luna? And Christ, what is the truth? That he, Harry Potter, was too much of a coward to own to his feelings for Luna and to pay her the respect that she deserved. That he allowed himself to succumb to the expectations of the world around him by staying in a relationship that he did not want… only to please others. And, most horribly, that Harry was afraid of what a life with Luna Lovegood looked like. It did not matter that she was the only person in the entire universe who seemed to understand him completely, who accepted him completely, and apparently loved him unconditionally.

Of course, Harry knew that Ron and Hermione would always be there for him… waiting with open arms, unconditionally. But they were with each other now and Harry did not feel right expecting and wanting them to be there to pick up the pieces after him. Harry would never admit it, but he craved the devotion that he saw between his two friends and longed for another person to share that kind of bond with. Of course, he had Ginny and she stuck with him through more than her fair share of his issues but there was never a connection between the two of them. Ginny harbored a serious crush on him during her youth, and Harry liked her well enough… but that was all. Did he love Ginny Weasley? Sure, but he also loved Hermione and there were times that Harry failed to understand how that type of love differed between the two women.

Ginny gave Harry a good time. She was one his first drinking buddies after the War and she could keep up with him, which served as a more than adequate distraction from the turbulence that was stirring inside of him. Yes, they had fun and that was great for a 19 year old who found himself newly emancipated in the world. And of course his friends loved their relationship. Harry already considered himself a part of the Weasley family and, with Hermione now seriously with Ron and Harry with Ginny, their family unit seemed that much closer and complete.

But the good times quickly fell into drinking too much and Harry's darkness eventually began to surface. Though Ginny never left the relationship, she began to distance herself once she realized just how damaged Harry actually was. Ginny was unfailingly there for Harry – on his good days. But those days became progressively fewer and further between, and soon enough Ginny was deciding to finish up her schooling at Hogwarts after all and she was gone. Harry would go months without seeing her, and weeks between correspondences, and suddenly – she'd come back for a few days or a week, and they'd pick up where they left off. Harry would pull himself together and put on a good show for Ginny, and they'd descend into a few days' worth of heavy drinking and partying and before he knew it, she would be gone again.

That was their relationship for a year or two, and then, one night, Harry happened to stumble into Luna Lovegood's garden and everything changed.

Harry glanced down at his timepiece and growled when he saw that it was only 10 in the morning. There was still no sign of Luna and his patience was nearly gone. He gave one last glance at her door before squaring his shoulders and crossing over the lane to her gate. He stomped up her front path and pounded his fist against her door.

"Luna! Luna, open up! It's," Harry paused, his voice dropping down to just above a whisper. "It's Harry." He cleared his throat. "We need to speak." Harry waited a few moments, listening hard, and began pounding his fist against her door once more. His knocks became louder and more violent until her door was creaking and her windows shuddering in their panels. "Luna!" Harry shouted and felt his fragile hold on calm break away.

"Sir! Sir!" Harry rounded at the foreign voice and watched as an older man hurried up the path towards Harry. "She's not home!" The stranger looked up at Harry and studied his face for a moment before realization dawned. "Bless me soul. Mr. Potter." The two men stared at one another for a moment before Harry cleared his throat.

"Where is she then?"

The man stared at Harry with a confused look before shaking his head vigorously. "Oh, Luna. Yes, of course." He chuckled nervously and Harry felt his anger being to spark. "London, sir. She's been in London for the past few days and I suspect she'll be home this evening. I was just," the man paused and closed the distance between himself and Harry. He bent down and scooped up a few envelopes from Luna's porch. "I was just coming to collect her post. I'm her neighbor," he said, and motioned vaguely towards a distant hill where Harry could see a thin stream of smoke curl above the trees. "Luna asked me to collect her post as she'd be gone for a day or two."

Harry blinked at that and glanced down at the parchment in the man's hands. He offered his hand up. "I'll keep them. I'm waiting for her to return."

"But, Mr. Potter… She won't be home until well into the evening." The man tightened his grip on Luna's mail and frowned slightly at Harry.

"Yes, and I'll be here. Waiting. Now, her letters please, Mr…." Harry glanced at the man expectantly.

The man's frown deepened and he mumbled his name, too quietly for Harry to hear. Reluctantly, he handed the post to Harry and backed up slowly, glancing up at Harry once more. Harry shook his head and turned back to face Luna's front door, not bothering to see if her neighbor was walking away or still staring at Harry with a horrified expression. He didn't care.

London, he thought. Harry glanced down at his watch once more and saw that only ten minutes had elapsed since he last checked the time. So, he would wait for her. Harry slid down to Luna's stoop and leaned against her door jamb. He pulled his coat tighter around him and glanced down at the small bundle of envelopes. Most were posted from various business addresses around the country but one caught Harry's eye. The return address was from "R. Scamander," and the name made Harry frown. He knew it for some reason but couldn't place from where. Harry shrugged his shoulders slightly and placed the mail on the stoop beside him. He had bigger issues to think over than who was writing to Luna and why.

Harry stared at the trees in the distance, still unsure of what he would say to Luna if she'd hear him out. That I'm sorry? Harry sighed. The word "sorry" had come out of his mouth too many times for it to hold any real value anymore. Luna deserved better, as she always had. Better than me. I'm a fucking arse, Harry thought darkly and he knew it was true. The entire reason he turned away from Luna in the first place was that he was afraid of what others would say if the two entered into a serious relationship. Luna had a reputation that Harry didn't think he could face day after day. But the minute he left her house those months ago, after essentially choosing Ginny, Harry had felt shattered. As though someone had repeatedly stabbed him in the gut.

He knew instantly that he made the wrong decision but his damned pride was kept him from begging for her to take him back, to choose him. A few days after their conversation, Harry broke things off with Ginny. She had been surprised but Harry suspected that Ginny always knew that he was not fully devoted to a relationship with her. In fact, their break up was a lot less traumatic than Harry would have guessed. Ginny silently accepted his decision and was gone again, back on tour with the Cannons. Truthfully, it was Ron who couldn't accept Harry's decision. At the thought of his best friend, Harry squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, willing all thoughts of Ron away. Harry could only stomach the thought of fixing one relationship right now and his issues with Ron would have to wait.

Harry leaned his head against the door and stared up at the sky. He decided that the only course of action was to ask for Luna to forgive him, and ask her to be his this time. There would be no one else for him… there could be no one else for him. Harry knew what losing Luna felt like and nothing had ever compared to that loneliness, that emptiness, before.

Harry closed his eyes…

ooOoOoo

Luna apparated a few feet away from her front gate and paused as she noticed the slumped figure on her step. Frowning, she pulled her wand from beneath her robes and extended it out, ready to curse whoever was lurking there. She quietly made her way towards her house, ignoring the growing unease as she approached the stranger. At one time in her life, Luna could approach anyone with ease but now…

She reached her step and glanced down, surprised and yet, not surprised at all to find that it was Harry Potter. He was fast asleep, his glasses knocked askew on his face and his cheek pressed up against the panel of her door. Luna frowned and debated contacting Hermione to come and collect her friend…. She didn't have the energy to deal with a drunken Harry tonight. Luna didn't have the energy to deal with any kind of Harry tonight, not after Hermione's impromptu visit a few days before.

"Harry, wake up," Luna said, loudly. She nudged the sleeping man with her foot and he jumped awake, staring up at her.

"Luna! You're here!" Harry slowly got to his feet, righting his glasses, and looked at her with a mixture of unease and happiness. Luna felt her heart begin pounding in her chest, the way it always did when she saw Harry's reaction to her.

"Yes, I am. This is my house, after all. Now, you're drunk and I'm going to contact Hermione to take you home. Just wait out-"

"Drunk? I'm not drunk. No, God, of course you'd think I was drunk," Harry muttered to himself. "No, Luna, I'm here to speak with you. I need to speak with you."

Luna sighed and glanced at the small bundle of post in Harry's hands. She reached out and wordlessly took them from him, hoping that her actions would say that she simply didn't want to be around him. He wasn't welcome here anymore.

"I'm tired, Harry. I'm sorry. I've just returned from a business meeting in L-"

"London. Yes, I know," Harry said, eagerly. Luna glanced up at the tone of expectancy in Harry's voice and frowned once more. She could think of no reason why Harry would suddenly appear on her doorstep, sober, to speak with her… unless he was here to discuss what happened with Hermione. Harry stepped closer to Luna, filling the small distance between their bodies. Luna shivered tightly as she felt the heat radiating off of Harry's body. "I just… I needed to see you," he said, quietly.

Harry reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and Luna unwillingly closed her eyes. Harry's finger gently touched the side of her face before he pulled his hand away, and Luna opened her eyes, staring at him. Luna willed her eyes to focus. He touched her and a million butterflies erupted inside of her stomach.

"Please," he whispered.