February 6, 2004

Luna opened her eyes and squinted against the bright, cheerful light that was streaming in through her windows. The small clock on her bedside table announced that it was only 7:20 in the morning. It felt later than that. Luna breathed in deeply and stared up at her ceiling, willing the details of her night to come rushing back to her so that she could figure out exactly how she ended up in this situation. I s'pose this is what it feels like to be a drinker, she mused to herself. Perhaps this disorientation was how Harry felt every morning that he woke up after drinking too much or too hard. The scramble to grasp the fleeting pictures of the night before, and the hunt to figure out who was spoken to and what was said. It was enough to make her feel nauseous and Luna couldn't even blame it on alcohol.

And suddenly, there they were: each excruciating detail and every single tedious moment. Luna recalled every word that Harry spoke to her, every damned glance and, if she put her mind to it, she believed that she could summon every single breath that he took that night.

It began innocently enough. Harry spent the entire day sitting on her stoop, waiting for her to arrive home and when she finally did, he followed her into home. He hid behind the guise of apologizing for Hermione's actions but Luna saw right through him. She never once believed that he spent nine hours in the February cold just so he could apologize for Hermione's stubbornness. Harry underestimated just how well Luna knew him. For those four long years, Luna made it her business to study Harry and to memorize everything about him. She knew his mannerisms and his moods like the back of her hand. Harry would make a face and Luna knew why, or he could pause during a conversation and Luna would be able to fill his silence with a surprisingly accurate guess at what he was thinking.

For four years, Luna existed on the belief that Harry would never be hers and so, the memorization of his character was vital to her. She needed to know every intimate detail about him so that when he was finally gone, she could convince herself that what they shared was real.

But now…

Luna shook her head tightly and closed her eyes. She knew exactly when the night took the turn and it was when Harry decided to spend those long hours waiting for her. He had no guarantee or idea really of when she would return, or if she would return. Poor Mr. Williams was probably beside himself if Harry was truthful about their encounter. I'll need to apologize to him for that, Luna silently reminded herself. But Harry Potter's temper was no secret to the world.

Luna chuckled softly to herself and started when a low, sleepy moan sounded beside her. She clapped a hand over her mouth and dared to glance over at the sleeping man next to her. Harry looked so young whilst asleep, and the hard lines that he usually carried on his face were completely erased. He looked peaceful. Rested. Luna smiled to herself but quickly pushed her fleeting happiness away. She almost wished that they could say they were drunk and blame it on that, but things would never be that simple for her.

This will all turn out badly, Luna reminded herself harshly. And now, after last night, their relationship was infinitely more complicated. A happy ending did not exist for her and Harry – it simply was not in the cards for them. Harry would never admit it to her, and maybe not even to himself, but he was embarrassed by her. The world would always view her as Loony Lovegood, the eccentric daughter of mad Xenophilius Lovegood and editor of The Quibbler, the quack publication that would sooner discuss the healing properties of hippogriff talons than report "real" news. Luna did not doubt that Harry loved her deeply but he was far too concerned with what the world thought of him. And she was a fool for allowing him to treat her in such a way. I'm a fool for many reasons.

She sighed softly and turned on her side, facing Harry's sleeping form. Luna pulled the sheets up and around her naked form and shivered against the morning cold. She almost feared the moment that Harry awoke because she knew that a good chance existed of him remembering the previous night and being violently repulsed by it. Luna didn't know what she'd do if the first emotion that flew across Harry's eyes was regret. But if he does regret it, perhaps it'll be easier. Perhaps Luna would finally convince herself to hate Harry Potter for what he put her through. Merlin knew that had already she tried.

Harry's eyelids began to flutter and Luna braced herself for what might come next. Questions perhaps, or accusations. Harry's eyes remained shut but his left hand reached out for his glasses. Luna sucked in a tight breath and held it, waiting for him to open his eyes and see her. He placed his glasses on his face and glanced over at her. He was silent for a long moment as he studied her face.

"Luna," he said simply, and turned towards her, reaching for her. Luna let out her breath, horrified to hear how closely it resembled a sob. Harry's face fell and he pulled her to him. He propped himself up on his elbow and stared down at her, gently pushing the stray curls away from her face. Harry gazed down at her with such a look of affection that Luna felt her heart shatter – shatter in a completely new way. "What's wrong, love?" Harry bent down and placed a soft kiss on her collar-bone.

"I was so worried," Luna whispered. "I thought you'd wake up and see me and be horrified." Luna struggled to keep her thoughts in line as Harry began to place reverent kisses along the length of her neck and across her the top of her chest. He traced a lazy finger along the fabric that protected the rest of her body from his view.

"Why would I be horrified?" Harry continued his exploration of her exposed skin, and Luna felt goose bumps erupt everywhere.

"I thought that you'd see me and regret everything," Luna said. Harry lifted his head at her answer and stared down at her, his green eyes intense. He lifted a hand and gently placed it against her cheek, but pulled her face so that she had no choice but to return his stare.

"Listen to me," he said quietly. "I've spent every day wanting to touch you. I've spent every day wishing that I could tell you everything that I feel for you. Waking up and seeing you next to me fulfilled every single dream that I've had for the past four years. I will never regret you, Luna." Harry ran his thumb gently over Luna's cheek and she blinked furiously at the tears that were threatening to collect.

"I don't know how this can end okay," Luna said. Harry bent down and kissed her cheek softly.

"Do you love me, Luna?" His voice sounded close to her ear and Luna inhaled sharply. His hand rested against her throat and Luna thought that her skin would burst into flames everywhere his fingers landed on her. He resumed his earlier path, and his lips began their descent towards her neck once more. "Do you love me?" He whispered his words against her skin and Luna shivered.

"You know that I do," she sighed.

He lifted his head and stared down at her. "Then we have nothing to worry about." Harry finally lowered his mouth to hers and Luna responded feverishly. She placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him closer to her. Harry ripped away the sheet that protected Luna's body and pulled her fully to him, wrapping his arms around her waist. He broke their kiss momentarily and stared intently into her eyes, as if he were about to reveal something that would change everything.

"I love you," he said, and Luna nodded vigorously. Harry offered a soft kiss to her lips before smiling against her mouth. "I feel like I need to make up for all the time that we lost." Luna smiled softly to herself and pulled his face back to her.

Maybe, she thought. Maybe I'll allow myself to forget that this won't work.