May 2004
Luna glanced at the carnage surrounding her and smiled contentedly. In the few short hours since Harry left for Hermione and Ron's home, Luna had made outstanding progress in de-weeding her garden. Piles and piles of flowering weeds and grassy weeds sat around the small lot with their exposed, foot long roots and every so often, Luna either spied or heard the high pitched squeals of a garden gnome escaping the purge. From behind her, Luna heard the backdoor to her home open and close, and from over her shoulder she watched Harry approach her. She smiled happily to herself – would she ever tire of Harry coming back to her and her home? Luna did not think so.
"Just the man I was hoping to see," Luna called out, turning back to the last of the weeds in front of her. She took a strong grip around the base of the plant and pulled, yanking the roots from the depths of her yard. Harry sat on a small stone bench at the base of an apple tree and watched Luna at her work. Despite the worry floating around in his head, Harry could not help but become enraptured as he studied Luna at her task.
Her long hair hung in a heavy, blonde braid over her shoulder and Harry watched as a small trickle of sweat made its way down Luna's back, between her shoulder blades. She wore a yellow dress that hung to her ankles but exposed her back, and the fabric just hinted at being sheer. Harry could make out her shape beneath the dress and imagined that, if he stepped just behind her and inhaled deeply, he would be surrounded by the scent of wildflowers that mingled with a fragrance that could only be described as Luna. The smell intoxicated him and Harry had to close his eyes, forcing himself back to the task at hand.
"You'd save yourself a lot of time if you'd just put a spell on the garden. I told you that Molly had Ron and I de-weed her garden every spring. Just a simple flick of the wrist and we'd be grand until next the next season," Harry suggested, leaning back against the tree. Luna stood and wiped at the sweat above her brow.
"Perhaps that may be true, but where would be the sense of accomplishment?" Luna remarked, turning towards Harry. He smiled at her.
"I knew you'd say that," he said, and extended a hand towards her, beckoning her to come close. Luna crossed the small yard, reaching Harry, and smiled as he patted the empty bench next to him. Instead of sitting, Luna pulled her dress to her knees and climbed onto Harry's lap, straddling him so that their faces were just touching. Luna folded her hands around the back of Harry's neck and smiled as she felt his breathing hitch ever so slightly.
"Then why'd you suggest it to me, if I may ask?" she said, and ducked her head down to place a feather light kiss along the side of Harry's jaw. Harry's hands came up and ran the length of Luna's legs, disappearing with her thighs as they ran up and under her dress. His hands stopped their trail and settled on Luna's hips. Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the bark of the tree, relishing the simplicity in the exchange, the feel of Luna's weight on him, and the freedom that he felt in her presence.
"Mmm, just to hear the sound of your voice," he whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at Luna, catching her in the act of studying his face. "I've found that I like knowing how you'll respond to me. It makes this all seem so… real." Harry pulled his head up and kissed Luna's exposed shoulder.
"This is real, Harry. You act as though I'm some mirage that'll disappear the moment you get too close."
"Sometimes it feels that way. Like I'll wake up in the middle of the night, in my flat, and you won't be there and I'll realize that this never happened," Harry whispered. Luna frowned lightly before lowering her head and meeting Harry's lips. Harry's hold on Luna's hips tightened and he felt her move marginally closer, against him. Harry opened his mouth to deepen the kiss but Luna pulled back, smiling shyly.
"That didn't feel fake now, did it?" she said softly before pulling herself away from Harry's lap. Her dress once more fell to the tops of her feet and Harry found himself mourning the loss of her exposed legs. "Enough playing around," Luna chided and tugged at Harry's arm until he stood. "I wasn't just flirting when I said that I was happy to see you. I need to put you to work." Luna motioned to the piles of discarded weeds littering the lot and laughed at Harry's groan. "It'll go twice as fast if you help me and we'll be inside in no time… on to… other activities." Harry glanced down at her and raised his eyebrows.
"Is that a promise?" At Luna's demure nod, Harry squared his shoulders and set to work.
Nearly forty-five minutes later, Harry looked around the yard and feared that they would never be finished.
"Christ, woman, how long have you been at this?" Harry muttered, hauling another armful of weeds up and over his shoulder. He stared longingly at the compost pile at the opposite side of the yard and his hand itched for his wand. But Luna had insisted – no magic would go into her garden - just nature.
"Oh, just since you left this morning for Hermione's. How is she by the way?" Luna called. Harry sighed and dropped his workload, taking a momentary reprieve from the labor. Harry replayed the uncomfortable conversation in his head for the umpteenth time that morning and felt this neck burn with shame at the way he treated Luna. Worst of all, he'd done so behind her back and she had no reason to suspect what horrible things he had actually said about her.
In the wake of his silence, Luna turned her attention away from the small patch of watermelons and glanced back at Harry. Harry Potter is many things, but he will never be able to hide his emotions, Luna thought. Whatever he was warring with was flitting across his face and Luna suspected that he had no idea how transparent he was being. Luna turned back to her fruits, letting Harry work out whatever was playing in his head.
"She's fine. Ron's fine," Harry said bitterly. Harry shifted his focus away from the horrible exchange that morning and watched Luna as she worked. I'm fucked up in the head, he thought angrily to himself. And, just as that very thought formulated in his head, Harry noticed an owl sweep down and fly through Luna's open kitchen window. He frowned lightly to himself and muttered, "Post's here. I'll be back." Luna glanced back at him and nodded lightly, before returning to her task.
Inside the dark kitchen, Harry relished the respite from the sun that was surely turning his skin an angry red color. The post owl twittered confidently at him and held out its leg, where the small tip bag was secured. "Yeah, yeah, piss off," Harry mumbled and dropped at few knuts into the owl's purse. The owl screeched accusingly at Harry before taking off through the window it had entered at. "You've taken all the money I've had on me. What'd you want!" Harry yelled after the bird, and looked down at the small stack of letters on Luna's countertop.
Most of the letters were inquiries from different contributing writers to The Quibbler, as well as more than a few letters to the editor. Harry was ashamed to feel the same old embarrassment that plagued him regarding Luna creep back into his mind. She's turned it around, Harry lectured himself. It isn't what it once was. Harry muttered mindlessly to himself as he inspected each piece of mail regarding The Quibbler and winced when he saw a small script on one of the envelopes that read, "Re: Onions as a Natural Dementor Repellent, June edition, Volume 3." Harry fought to ignore the nagging voice in his head that pointed out meanly, "Not so different from Xenophilius as you want to think."
Underneath the stack of letters addressed to Luna, Harry was surprised to find a small envelope addressed to himself, and even more surprised when he recognized Ginny's hurried scrawl across the envelope. Harry quickly tossed the other inquires aside and glanced out of the window, ensuring himself that Luna was still busy in her garden – she was. Harry looked back down at the envelope, crumpling it slightly in his grip as he debated over tossing it out and pretending that it never arrived. How'd she know to find me at Luna's? Harry asked himself.
Harry –
I know that things kind of left off on an uncomfortable note the last time that we spoke and I said some unkind things. Well, I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry for interrupting the quiet that you seemed to crave so desperately.
It would seem as though we can no longer go on ignoring one another. I've just arrived back from a tour abroad only to be told by Hermione that McGonagall took it upon herself to say that we would accompany each other to this year's Order party. As confused as I am (because what happened to you agreeing to break the news to everyone?), it would seem as though we've run out of time to alter the accommodations without creating a scene. Let's spare ourselves the awkwardness and just get through the night, eh?
We can be polite with one another as we've been at the family functions that we've both attended since we split. It might be fun even. Let's meet at the venue at 7:30 the night of the party (which is Saturday – don't forget it). I'll be wearing silver – you can match your dress robes accordingly.
-Ginny
P.S. – Why did Hermione say that the best place to reach you via owl was at Luna's?
"Did anything interesting come?" Luna asked softly, causing Harry to nearly jump out of his skin. He crumpled Ginny's note in his hand and, panicking to find a good hiding place, threw it behind a set of jars in which Luna kept various spell ingredients. I'll get that back later, he promised himself.
"Oh, er, no. Nothing important really. Just some Quibbler things," he said, turning to Luna and offering the stack of letters to her. "Really, Luna? Onions as a Dementor repellent?" Harry snorted as he brushed past her, running his hands over his face and hoping to God that she couldn't see the blind panic that was on his face. "Thought you'd stopped running rubbish like that." Harry turned to face Luna, who was holding the letters tightly in her hands.
"It isn't rubbish, Harry. That's an old witches' tale that has been passed down throughout the centuries. Any respectable member of the wizarding community would know that but I'm sorry that it seems so ridiculous to you," she responded. Her voice was quiet and Harry knew that he had offended her. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sigh.
"God, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, Luna. I'm a fucking arse and I don't know why I say such horrible things sometimes."
Luna watched Harry a moment before frowning at the letters in her hands. With an almost apologetic air, Luna smoothed the envelopes out before setting them down on the counter. "Something's wrong, Harry. It is written all over your face. I've given you a chance to tell me without prying but as you've just taken a turn for the mean, I'm asking that you tell me now so I can understand where this is coming from." Luna leaned back against the counter top and crossed her arms over her chest. Harry tried not to become distracted by what the motion did to her chest.
Harry sucked in a deep breath and let it all out in one huff, and began to study his hands. It is now or never – just spit it out, he goaded himself. "You're right, Luna," he began, looking back at her. "I'm tired and I'm stressed out. There's a War celebration that I have to be at in a few days and I'm not feeling up to being social." That's it, he thought. Luna smiled lightly and crossed over to him. Harry opened his arms and she nestled onto his lap, kissing his temple lightly.
"If you're not feeling up to it, then just politely decline," Luna said, as she ran her fingers over Harry's arms. He shook his head.
"It is too late for that. The, ah, the hostess took it upon herself to mark me down as attending without confirming with me ahead of time."
"Well, I'll come with you then. Usually those functions allow you to bring a date, right? I just found a lovely blue gown in London that I'd planned to wear to the party-"
"No," Harry barked. Luna jumped lightly in his arms and peered at him curiously. "No," he repeated himself, more calmly. "I wouldn't want to subject you to that. I know you're more comfortable at home."
"Harry, it really isn't anything. I had the dress in mind for the other occasion but I don't mind… and I actually think it'd be fun. We spend so much time holed up here anyway… maybe an impromptu evening out would be a nice change of pace," Luna suggested. She felt Harry tense under her fingers and gasped lightly as he pushed her out of his lap and jumped up. Harry began a furious pace across the length of the kitchen.
"No, Luna. Fucking Christ, just – no. I'm not interested in parading you about in front of the press so that everyone can scrutinize everything about us, okay? I'm just not interested in that. And besides," he said, turning on her accusingly. "You made me think that you enjoyed our time here – alone. You've never been a woman who wants all the attention turned towards her so why start now? Our relationship needs to be kept private. Private, okay? I won't have our personal lives being picked apart by blood thirsty leeches like Skeeter."
Luna stared at Harry in shock and willed the tears that suddenly sprang in her eyes to disappear. She drew in several breaths and prayed for a calm to settle over her – and Harry. "I do enjoy our time together," she began, timidly. "I didn't realize how… nervous you were about appearing in public. If you'd rather I just stay back and let you go by yourself, fine. I was only trying to be a source of comfort to you."
Harry watched Luna as she delivered her answer, and felt a dull throbbing at the back of his skull. He was a fucking asshole, and the spineless creature that Hermione hinted at earlier. But he'd rather break Luna's heart now than admit what he was actually feeling – and what he was actually afraid of… which was… what? He had not the slightest idea other than he was afraid that he would be made a mockery of due to his choice in partner. That was it, wasn't it? You're so fucking afraid that some writer will make you second guess your choice in woman. Grow a pair, Potter, he thought.
Harry sighed, removed his glasses, and ran a hand over his eyes. The throbbing began to crescendo until all he could hear was the blood pumping violently through his brain and Luna's soft breathing in the background. This is the last time I'll hide and after that – I'm coming clean, he promised himself and promised to Luna, though she could not hear it. Harry replaced his glasses and crossed the room to Luna, pulling her into his arms. He buried his nose into her hair and inhaled deeply.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm trying to figure out this new life. Just give me this one night alone, okay? After that, we'll start fresh." He pressed a kiss into Luna's hair as he felt her nod her consent. "Now," Harry said, pulling back to look down at Luna. "I need to run to London for the day to pick up some dress robes for the event. I'll be back but probably not until late this evening. You don't have to wait up for me." Harry dropped a quick kiss on Luna's lips and turned, leaving the house.
Luna waited until her heard the distinct pop in her yard before letting out the breath that she had been holding. She closed her eyes and attempted to calm her quickly fraying nerves. He's just trying to learn how to navigate this new life, Luna repeated Harry's words and then reminded herself – at least he hasn't begun drinking again.
"So, he needs his space for this one event," Luna said to herself, attempting to inject her normal cheer into her words. "He'll get the stage fright out of his system and we'll be squared up to go to the Order party together this coming weekend." Luna crossed to the jars that held her spell ingredients and attempted to remember the spell that Harry taught her for preventing weeds from springing up. Luna smiled as she spied the crumpled parchment hidden behind the jars and chuckled lightly. Harry does love you, Luna thought, and began to smooth down what she assumed was the de-weeding spell Harry swore by.
But as soon as her eyes skated over the top of the parchment, Luna felt as though all of the blood had drained from her head and was quite confident that the floor had slipped out from beneath her feet.
"Harry -…"