Chapter Five
"Well, now that this fool's gone and got himself killed, I have to name a new deputy," Bluestar announced. She looked around at the cats and snorted in disgust. None of these cats were fit to be deputy. But if she had to choose…
"I say these words in front of this dead cat so that he and other dead cats can judge my choice. Lionheart's gonna be deputy." Scattered applause filled the camp. Tigerclaw glared at the surprised tom. Aw, look at that. Tigerclaw's jealous, Firepaw thought.
"At least she didn't pick Longtail. He's a dick," Graypaw laughed. "Or Tigerclaw 'cause I hate him."
"What is your problem? There's probably nothing wrong with Tigerclaw," Firepaw scolded. "Probably." Graypaw patted his head gently.
"Oh, such naivety…" Firepaw glared and smacked his paw away.
"Whoa, wait. Who was that first mook who came running in here earlier?"
Graypaw stared at him blankly until the realization dawned on him. "OHHHHH. That was Ravenpaw. He's decent. A bit jumpy, but nicer than Dumbpaw and Stupidpaw. Come on, let's go see him." He somersaulted over to where Spottedleaf was treating the apprentice.
"Hey Ravenpaw! Have you met this guy over here yet? Of course you haven't, what am I saying?"
"Oh…god. You know Graypaw, you need to learn how to shut up. At this rate, you're going to die from lack of oxygen as you continue to talk," Ravenpaw warned. Firepaw thought he had a point. Graypaw almost talked more than Smudge, but with a lot less yelling of course. But he wasn't going to say any of that out loud.
"You should preach what you teach," Firepaw shot back.
"Oh? The ginger kittypet's going to lecture me? Okay," he meowed, shifting his gaze downward.
"Pfft. Pathetic. Toughen up Ravenpaw or someone will kill you," Graypaw advised. Firepaw thought that a bit harsh. Surely no one in their right mind would try and kill this nonthreatening and pathetic cat. Not even Henry…
"Okay, you two need to leave so he can rest," Spottedleaf cut in, ending their conversation for them. "I don't care where you go, but you can't stay here."
The duo began the not-so treacherous journey to the apprentices' den. Inside, a dumb looking tom and an even dumber looking she-cat were already there. Graypaw tilted his head in utter confusion.
"Dude. Dustpaw, shouldn't you be outside holding vigil? You know, because your mentor just fucking died?"
"The question isn't 'shouldn't I?', but rather 'do I value sleep over this?' And I clearly value sleep more," Dustpaw responded. He curled up on the far end of the den. As Firepaw gathered up moss, the she-cat opened her mouth to talk.
"No one cares, Sandpaw. Go to sleep," Graypaw growled.
"I was just going to remind the kittypet to stay away from me," she mewed sweetly.
"Oh, don't worry. I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot branch," Firepaw retorted. A hush fell over the den for a few seconds.
"All hail Firepaw, King of Sass," Dustpaw meowed.
A/N: Yes, bow down to the great King Firepaw.