Well, here you have it. This is sort of like, an epilogue and I don't know what else I can say in this note, so I'll plainly let you read and find out what happens next!
Nico didn't know how long he had been sitting on the cold and dusty floor of his cabin now. Seconds, minutes, hours? He'd forgotten the time. And he didn't care. All he did was stare at the blank, white wall in front of him with his dark brown eyes numbly.
Nico didn't even know if it was still noon or already evening since the sunlight was blocked by his dark, huge curtains that were closed.
Normally, his ADHD would have driven him up to do something, but Nico didn't feel like it. He simply stared expressionless at the wall in front of him. In front of him were pictures. Ripped up and crumpled up lying on the floor as if a psycho murderer had killed them. The only thing that was missing was the blood. But a normal murderer would have left the place of the crime after he had killed his victim. In this case the murderer was sitting right in front of them.
On the pictures, there were Nico, himself and his friends mostly. Some of the pictures even had Bianca on them. And then there were some where all of his family appeared, when they were still alive. The pictures were black and white, obviously since Nico was from a time where the photo was still in the starting point of its development.
Normally, Nico would never have ripped apart these pictures. They were way too precious for him, the only connection he had to his family. Even the photos with his friends on them, he would have never ripped those apart. Ever since the war had ended, Nico started to socialize with his demigod teammates, something Nico never would have dreamed of after he had lost Bianca.
He had finally started to open up to the people in Camp Half-Blood, mostly to his companions on the Argo 7, Reyna and Will. He even opened up about his sexuality and found someone that was really interested in him.
Nico remembered all the complications he had in his relationship with Will. All the blushing, dancing around each other and awkwardness between the two of them that they had to endure. And it didn't help that Jason and Percy found a Solangelo club that suddenly half of the camp had joined. But Nico would go through all of that again, if it meant to be with Will. He was the best thing that ever happened to him after his sister had died.
Through all of these recent changes in him, he ever started to take photos again of himself and his friends. He had stopped taking photos after Bianca's death. Before that, he had sometimes taken photos just out of fun, even if he didn't really know how to use the electronical device and needed a lot of help from Bianca or his mom. His memories of those times were blurry, but Nico knew that he never had felt happier in his life before in that time. Back then, Nico was still a carefree and innocent child, protected from the pain and darkness on this world. Back then, Nico was a very joyful child, something that no one would believe him besides Percy and Thalia, since they were there when he'd been so happy for the last time.
And although he was slowly starting to get back to his old self, he knew that would never be that person again. The Bianca's death had changed him. Before he even knew what he was doing he had started to cut himself off from the rest of the camp, especially Percy who he had held a grudge on at that time for not protecting Bianca. Holding grudges, that was his fatal fate. Sometimes, Nico wondered what his life would be if he had dealt better with his sister's death. If he had come over it. Would he still be that happy and joyful child? Probably not, since a war was going on and nobody ever came back as his or her old self from a war. But would he had been accepted by all the other campers? He didn't know and probably will never do. But from then on, everything had gone downhill.
He slowly but surely started to develop some feelings for the goofy, but heroic son of Poseidon, something that he was ashamed of at that time. People like him shouldn't exist, he had thought. He had been taught to fear the homosexual people and acknowledge them as an illness, but Nico couldn't do anything against his feelings. For that, he was ashamed of. After the first war, he was accepted for a while. People came to him and congratulated him for convincing his father to join the fight. But of course that didn't last long. After a while the demigods in Camp Half-Blood got back to their daily routines and started to ignore Nico again. After all, he was just a shadow. Useful when you needed it, but mostly scary and creepy.
Tartarus then had broken him completely. All his guilt, all his grudges, all his pain was revealed, stepped and spit on in the Greek Hell. People say that the physical pain was the worst thing someone could experience in Tartarus, but it wasn't true. The emotional pain was far worse. Tartarus had played with his mind. Took him on the guilt-trip, creating illusions, only for Nico to break. And he did break. He had survived physically, but mentally he was dead. He didn't really care about anyone or anything anymore. The pain that he had experienced had burnt out almost everything human in him that he still had.
Only two things still kept him on fighting. The end of the war and Hazel. Nico didn't know what he would have done if he had never met Hazel. She may not been his real sister, but she had an aura of gentleness, that warmed a bit of Nico's cold heart.
Nico had struggled, far more than he had ever in his life. He sometimes just wanted to end it. What was the purpose of his mission? The Seven on the Argo had feared him, except Hazel, and he didn't have any family to go back to. He even would never find a love interest. He firstly was a freak. The odd one out of the odd one outs. And he liked the male side of the population. Something that he thought still disgusted people.
But then everything started to change. First he had to encounter Cupid together with Jason Grace and had to reveal his sexuality in front of him. He felt humiliated, ashamed of himself and he expected Jason to scream at him, telling him that he was the disgusting freak that he was and then leave him there alone. But neither of those things happened. Instead Jason started to support Nico in every way that he could and the son of Hades never could be more thankful for that.
Already then Nico started to change a bit. His cold heart warmed up a little. He even gave a small smile from time to time. Then he went on the trip with Reyna and Coach Hedge, an experience that he would never forget. It wasn't the adventures or the action in that quest that had a special place in Nico's memories, but the slow bonding between the three of them, especially between he and Reyna. Reyna and Hedge saw him, they had seen him as the monster that he was. They saw him how he had broken apart Bryce Lawrence's molecular structure into millions of pieces through his powers, but it hadn't mattered to them. They were shocked of course and Nico could see them looking at him a bit scared as they spoke, but it wasn't the uncomfortable gazes of demigods that he was used to. No, it was more like worry. They accepted Nico just how he was and Nico couldn't feel more gratitude at that moment.
After the war was finally over everything in his life got exponentially higher. He made a lot of friends, got a boyfriend and even made peace with Persephone who had become a mother figure to him.
He finally was happy. He had found something that he thought that he had lost ages in the past when his sister had died: a family.
But that didn't count anymore today.
He tapped with his fingers on the ground again and again, in the same structure. It was a Morse code. Leo had taught him it some time ago, when they both were a bit bored.
Over and over again he tapped these words. They left me. His finger already felt sour because of all the muscle activities of his finger and his butt hurt a lot from sitting on the floor for so long, but Nico didn't care. He stared at the wall again and again. It seemed as if time had stopped. The he took a gaze at the photos in front of him. Then he looked for a second at the ripped picture of him and his real family and then he snapped.
He suddenly jumped up like he'd been bitten by a tarantula and punched the wall. And again, and again, and again. He screamed in agony, not because his fist were already bleeding and his hand was probably already broken, but because all the pain he felt inside. He didn't even feel his hands anymore but Nico didn't care. He punched the wall over and over again, letting his skin get ripped apart while his hand bled. His heart was beating heavily as he screamed again and again. The sound of his cry echoed through his room as he continued to sob.
They wall already had two small bumps in the size of his fist when he finally stopped with his punching massacre and broke down crying.
It wasn't fair, it was all just not fair. After everything he had been through, after everything he had lost, it was just not fair. Tears were falling down his cheek vehemently. His clothes becoming a bit wet as the teardrops slowly fell down from his cheeks to his dark clothes. For hours he had piled up all of his feelings as he was scared of what would had happen if he actually let go of his mask.
But now that the dam was broke, he couldn't stop crying anymore. It was all just too much for him.
He didn't know how long he had been crying now and he probably would have continued if he wouldn't have heard a soft knock at the door. The sound of it echoed through the room and Nico first thought he was hallucinating, but then he heard the knock again.
"Go away!" he screamed not wanting to deal with anyone now. He just wished he would die now.
He waited for an answer and for a while the room remained silent. Nico thought that the person either was gone now or that he really was hallucinating until a soft voice came from the door.
"Nico, it's me, Leo".
Leo's voice was soft and full of worry. Ever since the last Mother's Day he and Leo had been really good friends, if not best friends. They came to realize that they were much more similar than they had thought and had helped each other through a lot, but Nico didn't want to see him right now. He was currently an utter mess.
"Go away Leo!" he cried hoping that he would leave him alone, but Nico knew that such a thing wouldn't happen.
Again a few seconds passed away until the door suddenly opened cracking at the movement. At the door Leo was standing, his whole body was waterlogged. Just now Nico noticed that it was raining outside, matching his inner mood.
Leo's eyes widened in pure horror as he saw Nico. "Gods, Nico! What happened to you?" he cried as he walked towards him with worry in his eyes.
Nico growled at him. "None of your damn business" he just didn't want to deal with him right now. Was it asking too much?
Leo looked taken back at this. "Nico, what's wrong?" he asked softly.
Nico just glared at the son of Hephaestus. "Just go away" he said again, but the words sounded weak in his ears. He simply didn't have the energy now.
Leo walked to him and knelt in front of him. "Nico please, I am your friend. I want to help you".
New tears welled up in Nico's eyes again. He felt so weak right now. "Please, just...just go away" repeated shakily, his voice losing all power.
Leo's heart broke a bit at that sight. After all Nico's had been through he never wanted to see him sad again. "Please, Nico" he said softly.
And then Nico couldn't hold it anymore. He wrapped his arms around Leo and sobbed in his shirt vehemently. It was too much. It was all just too much. Leo was a bit surprised at this, but he hugged him back. He had never seen the son of Hades so broken before. He simply let Nico cry in his shirt as he patted his back. Leo knew that he needed this right now.
He remembered the day when they both became friends, when Nico helped him to see his mom again. It was exactly a year ago when this happened. Afterwards they talked about their problems and past and Leo had sworn to help Nico wherever he could.
But now seeing, Nico so broken he couldn't help but feel like he failed as a friend.
It took Nico several minutes to calm down. He wiped his eyes furiously, breathing heavily. He looked into Leo's eyes, his own orbs being puffy.
"I… I went to see my mom today" Nico finally let out shakily.
And it was that moment when Leo knew what was wrong. He knew what happened to Nico's mom since he had a talk with her a few weeks ago after pleading to Hades for hours.
"What happened?" he asked even though he knew the answer.
Nico then screamed in frustration. "She is gone! She reincarnated! Just like my sister did! They left me! Again!" he screamed in pain. Every emotion that had built up in his heart was now released. Anger flowed through his heart. Anger at Bianca, at his mother, at his father. Anger that they had left him again alone.
Leo wanted to comfort him, to say everything will be okay, but he knew that it wasn't. He knew that he would have the exact same reaction if his mom had done that to him and he found it selfish from his mom and his sister to leave him although they had good reasons. He especially felt a small hate for Bianca for choosing the Hunters over her own younger brother and then leaving him a second time when she reincarnated.
"I know" he said softly. He knew he just blew up his secret, but Leo couldn't bring himself to keep this a secret from Nico anymore.
Nico stared at him in shock. His mouth formed to an 'o' as he gawked at him.
"You knew" he whispered. Suddenly his face got red and anger rose in him. "You knew!" he screamed at Leo. "You knew it all along and kept it a secret from me!" he cried in pain. He couldn't believe that Leo would betray him like this.
Leo flinched at that. He knew he deserved everything Nico would say to him. "Nico, please, you have to understand" he tried, but that blew up Nico's last bit of patience.
"The fuck I have to understand!" he cried furiously slamming his fist into the nearest table. "You had no right to keep this from me! How dare you do this to me?! I thought we were friends!" he screamed in pain. Right now Nico felt nothing but anger. Anger at everyone and everything. The people that he trusted had betrayed him. Nico should have known that everything was just a fake.
Leo flinched again. "Nico, please listen to me..." he tried again, but he was cut off from Nico.
"I trusted you! I trusted you with my darkest secrets! You knew I wanted nothing more than to see my mom again! You knew it! And yet you let me down! You disgust me, Leo Valdez!" he cried seeing red. Right now his body was boiling in rage. He wanted to strangle Leo for what he did. He glared at him with such hated right now that Leo could have melted under it.
Nico's words left Leo in shock. For a few seconds he just stared at him in hurt, then he exploded. "Damn it, Nico! You listen to me now! I never intended to keep this a secret from you! Your mom made me do this!" he cried.
Nico continued to glare at him. "Liar!" he cried not believing it.
Leo flinched again at that and sighed. "It's the truth Nico. I promise on the River of Styx" he said.
Upon them the sky thundered. Nico stared at Nico. Suddenly all his anger turned in confusion. He felt his body cooling down as he stared at Leo.
"But... but why?" he asked almost brokenly. That was too much. His own mother didn't even tell him that she reincarnated, but even tried to keep it as a secret? Had she ever loved him, he now wondered bitterly.
Leo looked at Nico softly. "I am so sorry Nico" he said not looking at him. He felt ashamed that he had kept this secret so long.
Nico stared at Leo coldly. He felt anger, but mostly he felt hurt. He crossed his arms. "What were you doing there in the Underworld?" he spoke spitting the words out.
Leo still didn't look at him. He took a deep breath, then spoke. "You remember when you helped me let me see my mom again?" he asked softly.
Nico's expression stayed immutably. "Yes, I do. What does that have to do with this?" he asked, still angry at Leo.
Leo sighed. "I... that day you gave me something that I will be always be thankful for. I wanted to give you something equally so. I went to your father and pleaded him to let your mom come with me to Camp Half-Blood for a day" he started softly.
Nico stared at Leo in shock. He never expected Leo to do something like this. He even stood up against his father!
"Leo..." he whispered. He didn't know what to think. He was still angry at Leo, but he was touched by his action.
Leo decided to continue. "Your father told me that he couldn't do this, but he could give me a few minutes alone with your mom. I talked to her for a while. She is a lovely woman" he said smiling.
Nico flinched at the mention of his mom. Memories of her came back and he felt nothing but pain. She left him.
"She has praised you in many ways. You should have seen her. She couldn't stop telling me how proud she was of you" Leo said laughing.
And now Nico couldn't hold it anymore. "Then why did she leave me? If she loved me so much, why did she leave me just like Bianca did?" he cried tears coming out of his eyes again. He hated this feeling.
Leo just looked at him softly. "She wanted you to let go of the past" he whispered looking down.
Nico stared at him. What was he talking about? That didn't make any sense! "What the hell are you talking about?!" he cried in frustration.
Leo still didn't looked at him. He felt so sorry for Nico. It wasn't pity, it was sympathy for him that he felt because he exactly knew how he felt. "I... I don't really like what your mother did, Nico, but I understand. She wanted you to live on a life without her. Bianca probably thought the same. They love you Nico, but they didn't wanted you to dwell on the past not letting go of them" he said softly.
Now tears fell down Nico's cheek again. "But they didn't have to leave me! This is just not fair!" he screamed taking a cup from his table and smashing it against the wall. "They were all I had! And they had to leave me!" he said breaking down crying again. He felt like shit right now, but he didn't care. He really just wanted to die right now.
He felt how arms wrapped around his waist. He wanted to shove Leo off, tell him to go to hell, but he couldn't. He simply cried as Leo held him. For minutes Nico cried as Leo comforted him silently, then he had no tears to cry anymore. He wiped his eyes furiously.
Leo looked at him gingerly. "Nico, your family loves you. They would do anything for you, but... as hard as it as it seems, you have to let go off them. That's what your mom wanted. You may have lost her and your sister, but you have us, Nico. Me, Will, Jason and Reyna and the others. We are your family now" he spoke soothingly.
Nico rubbed his eyes. Pain pierced through his heart. He didn't want to apprehend this. "But... I don't want to let go..." he said softly.
At this Leo hugged him again. "Don't worry, Nico. We will help you through it" he said.
Nico wiped his eyes and nodded. He knew Leo was right. He had a new family now. He may have lost his old one, but he had a new one. Then why did it still hurt so much?
Suddenly Leo got a piece of paper out of his belt. He gave it gently to Nico. "You mom gave me this before she reincarnated. She still wanted to at least let you know what she feels about you." he said softly.
Nico stared at the paper. Did he really want to know what she had written? Did he really want to be hurt even more? But his curiosity was bigger than this. He wanted to know what his mom had told him. He grasped the letter slowly and opened it shakily. In it was the words of his mom written beautifully on the sheet of paper.
My dear son Nico,
There are so many things that I want to tell you. First off, I am sorry. I am sorry for everything you had to go through. I am sorry for all the pain that I have and will cause on you. But you have to know that I couldn't be prouder of you, mio figlio*. You have grown into a wonderful young man, despite all the things that you have been through.
I have watched you, Nico. I have watched everything, how you fell in love with Percy, how you reacted after your sister died, how you were shut off by the other demigods and how you went through Tartarus. My heart bled at all of these that I saw and I can't tell you how incredibly sorry I am that you had to go through all of this all by your own. But I also can't even express how proud I am. Despite everything you went on with your life. I saw you struggle, but every time you stood up again and fought for what was right. You helped Percy in the first war and brought some sense into your father's thick head in. You have played a huge role in reuniting the Greek and Roman demigods and you helped the Seven of the prophecy in so many ways.
I watched how you were broken after Tartarus but rose again during the war. Many wouldn't have done that after everything what you endured, but you fought on. You even then come over your fear with your sexuality. You may think that I may be disgusted by it, but how can I ever be disgusted by my own son? Nico, I love you more than anything others in this world and I don't care whether you like boys or girls. I always knew that you had struggled with your sexuality and I wished that I could have helped you through it.
I have seen you finally opening up after the war. You found so many amazing friends and a wonderful boyfriend and I couldn't be happier for you. Seeing you smiling, makes my heart burst into a ray of happiness. But also when you are sad, my heart breaks into a million small pieces.
There are so many other things I want to tell you. I wish we could have had the time to discuss everything.
Nico, you may have already heard it or not, but this may be the last time I can tell you all of this. I will reincarnate. I am not doing this because I hate you, I am doing this because I want to protect you. Protect you of the longing to join me in the afterlife. I want you to live a happy life with your friends and boyfriend. Please don't dwell on the past. Your old family may be gone, but that doesn't mean, you don't have a family. All of your friends, they love you, Nico, and you sister and I will be also always be there in your heart.
There are no words for how sorry I am or how proud I am of you. You have grown into a wonderful young man and it makes me sad to think that I have missed out all of this. But remember that I always will love you no matter what.
I wish we had more time. But destiny isn't our friend. I wish you all the best for your later life. I hope—No, I know, that we will see each other one day again and then we can talk about everything. Maybe you can even tell me about your kids or your wonderful husband (I hope it is Will).
Please do not mourn over me, Nico. I chose this for myself and your sister too. We both love you.
I know I have said it already, but I am so proud of you.
I love you, Nico, please don't forget it and we will see each other again. If not in this life, then in another one.
Until then, enjoy your life, because you have so many people who care about you.
I love you, mio figlio.
Love,
Mom.
New tears were streaming down his cheeks. His mom was proud of him. She loved him. Nico was overwhelmed by everything she said. He felt disappointed that she had left him, but he knew that she will always love him and he couldn't express how happy he was now.
"Are you okay?" Leo asked him softly. Nico looked up and smiled through his tears.
"Yeah. Thank you, Leo, for everything" he said hugging him.
Leo smiled. He was glad for his friend. "What are friends there for?"
Nico simply hugged Leo. He was too overwhelmed right now. He still felt pain that his mom and sister had left him, but he at least was certain now that they would always love him and that was all that he really needed to know.
The suddenly Leo's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Come on. Let me take you to the doctor. Your hand seems to be broken".
Nico looked at his hands. They were bloody and he didn't felt anything anymore. He sighed. "You are right. I have to repair my photos too" he said pointing at the ripped up photos.
Leo smiled. "I am sure the Hecate cabin can easily fix that. Now come on. I am sure Doctor Solace is already missing you" he said wriggling his eyebrows.
Nico rolled his eyes at that, but smiled. He followed Leo to the door, then stopped. "Thanks, Leo. For everything" he repeated.
Leo smiled again. "Like I said, what is family there for?" he said.
Nico noticed how he used family instead of friends this time and he smiled widely at that. His mom was right. He may have lost his old family, but he'd found a new one. And he couldn't be happier about it. He followed Leo through the rain smiling. He was ready. He finally was ready to let go.
Umm... hello? You still here? I'm sorry about the feelings tsunami, but I... you cannot convince me -or Gondolor, for the matter- that this didn't need to be done, c'mon!
If you liked this story, then I'm certain that you will also like "For the First Time in Seventy Years" and Golondor's "Highway to Family", which you should totally go and check.
And, well, this is how we reach the end! Please let me know what you think in the comments!
Read you soon!