Chapter Fifteen

When Jim Beckett spotted the writer ascending the stairs looking as though he'd just received a terminal diagnosis from his doctor his heart broke for the younger man. If Rick looked as though his heart had just been plowed over by an eighteen-wheeler, Jim imagined that was because it had. Whatever discussion Rick had with his daughter had not gone well and that was unfortunate.

For the prior few weeks, Jim had found it difficult to pinpoint his exact feelings towards his daughter's fiancé. Any opinions he drew were overlaid by the pure shock he felt at the fact that his daughter was introducing a man whom he'd never met as her betrothed. When it came right down to it, Jim did not feel like he knew William well enough to judge him.

As a recovering alcoholic, Jim had found many times when people judged him based on little knowledge they had. During his life he had never been one for snap judgements—the lawyer in him wanted all the facts—but particularly after his recovery he wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not judge them until he felt he knew enough about them to do so fairly. Despite this, he was still a father and had certain gut instincts when it came to his child. Without her mother to consult with, Jim had honed those feelings on his own and, if he was forced to choose, his gut told him that Richard Castle was a better match for his Katie than any other man could be.

Jim and the writer had an interesting history but he undoubtedly considered the man one of the family and had for many years. True, Castle had a playboy side to him, but he was a wealthy thirty year old with a moderate amount of fame and Jim did not feel he was acting any differently than any other thirty year old man should he find himself with sudden wealth and a moderate amount of fame. More importantly, Jim had never known one instance in which Castle had not treated his daughter with the utmost respect and kindness.

Castle cared for Kate; that much was clear. For many years Jim suspected that Castle cared for her more than he let on—perhaps even more than he realized himself, but he knew it wasn't his place to speak up. Jim merely hoped the two of them would figure it out on their own. As whatever attempt they made had failed miserably, Jim knew he needed to get involved and nudge if necessary. After all, his daughter's happiness was at stake.

After waiting an hour for the dust to settle, Jim sought out his daughter in the room she shared with her fiancé in the large home. As per tradition, William was not to see his bride the night before the wedding, so Jim knew she would be alone. He knocked softly on the door and, when he received no response, he opened it a crack and said gently, "Katie?"

"Y-yeah Dad?"

From her response, he could tell she was crying and his heart clenched; ever since she was an infant Jim could never stand the sight of his daughter's tears; they tore up inside. He stepped into the room and found her sitting in the middle of the bed, her legs folded underneath her, a few used tissues resting by her knees. Jim walked over to the end of the bed and sat down on the edge. He didn't even have to ask her what was wrong; he'd barely been sitting for fifteen seconds before she confessed.

"Rick told me that he loved me."

Jim took in a deep breath; yep, that sounded about right. "I see."

Kate nodded her head and mopped a few fresh tears from her cheeks. "And it's just so stupid. I mean it's Castle—he is an idiot. He's so frustrating and irritating and god I just want to strangle him sometimes but…" Her voice drifted off as she shook her head.

"You love him, too," Jim finished for her.

"No! No, I don't." She spoke quickly and threw her used tissue down in disgust. At her father's persistent stare, her tone softened ever so slightly. "I don't. I could never love him because he's…"

"He's what? Give me one good, solid reason why you couldn't."

Why couldn't she love Castle? Only millions of reasons! He…he…well, he'd just messed with her head so much she couldn't think straight—but there were definitely reasons! Of course there were reasons. Oh! "He's commitment phobic."

Jim chuckled. "He's sure stuck by your side for long enough, hasn't he?" Kate clicked her tongue with annoyance and looked away from her father, just like she always did as a child. She was not permitted to walk away when they were in the middle of a discussion, but she always managed to turn her gaze away so she didn't face a scolding head-on.

"Listen, Katie, I'm going to tell you something I promised I never would have and I'm sorry it has to be on the night before your wedding, but you have to know the truth."

With a wrinkled brow, Kate turned back to her father. Well, that was an unexpected comment from him. She knew there were many things her father didn't tell her about—particularly things that happened in the wake of her mother's death, and during his battle with alcoholism. However, given their topic of discussion, it made sense that whatever he was about to confess involved Castle, and many of those dark things happened before she and Castle had ever met; thus, she could not conceive of what her father was about to tell her.

Jim took a deep breath and adjusted his position on the bed. "You know how bad things got for me, after your mother. I knew I was spiraling, but I didn't know how to help myself. That's what they tell you in those meetings—you have to ask for help, but I didn't want to ask you. You were starting your first year of grad school and I felt like I'd already burdened you so much."

Kate's gut clenched. Castle knew about her father's problems; he'd literally walked in on them, but she had no idea he'd…oh god. "Castle?"

Jim bobbed his head, the memories of the day hazy but still engrained into his mind. "He took me in, let me dry out on his couch, and then he took me to rehab and, Katie, he paid for the whole thing."

"What?" As the word escaped her lips, Kate's mind began to spin back to a time nearly eight years prior. She remembered the phone call she received from him. He was already at the rehab facility when he called her, crying. He told her he was going to get better—he promised he would be better that time. At that point, Kate found it difficult to believe as he had promised many times before, though since that was the first time he had entered a rehab facility she was slightly more optimistic, but still refused to get her hopes up too high as she had been previously burned.

To be honest, Kate never thought in great detail about how or why her father ended up in rehab that particular moment. She supposed that one of his colleges had taken him or he'd hired a car. Never in a million years would she have guessed Castle was the one responsible. And, to know that he had paid for the rehab as well…Simply put: she was stunned.

Clearing his throat, Jim continued. "He made me promise not to tell you. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He made me promise that if he did all that for me that I would stay clean and sober and I'd never hurt you again."

"Oh my god, Dad!" Fresh tears spilled out onto her cheeks. Castle wanted her father to promise not to hurt her again?! In her already emotionally fragile state, she could hardly process this information. Instead, she merely spluttered out, "You should have told me."

"Probably, but the truth is I didn't trust myself not to fall off the wagon. Some days, I still don't, but I know I don't want to let you down. Or let Rick down."

Kate could stay seated no longer. She collected her pile of used tissues, slid off the bed and deposited them in the trash can nearest the door. After grabbing a fresh one, she continued to mop beneath her nose as she paced the space between the door and the bed. "So why are you telling me this now? Just a few hours before I'm supposed to marry William?"

"Because you had to have all the facts." Jim stood from the bed, walked over and placed his hands gently on his daughter's shoulders. "Katie, listen: it doesn't matter to me what decision you make. If you love William and want to marry him and follow him to Cairo and wherever else he takes you, you should do that. If you love Rick and you want to spend your life in New York with him, then you should do that. I'll support you no matter what. I just want you to be happy. And that's what your mother would want, too."

Kate felt her heart clench at the mention of the woman who would never have the pleasure of watching her daughter walk down an aisle, no matter which man it was towards. Doing all of this without her mother was much more difficult than Kate anticipated. The only way she could get through it was by telling herself that no matter how sad she felt, it would not change the situation and she needed to stay in the moment and be happy when she could. That didn't mean she missed her mother any less, but she knew that's what her mother would have wanted. "What do you think she'd say about all this?"

Jim blinked slowly at her. "I think you already know."

Kate nodded and sniffed. "Probably, but you should tell me anyway."

"Go with your gut, Katie; your gut is never wrong."

Kate's stomach flipped when she heard the words. She knew—she knew what her gut was telling her but—oh god. How could she…? Everything that had happened—she thought it had been a sign. Meeting William when she did, having him be the exact man she thought she wanted. She'd tried to force her heart to change; to comply with the man her brain decided she needed, but she knew; she absolutely knew.

The heart wants what the heart wants and there's not a damn thing her brain could do about it.

Her hands beginning to tremble, Kate shuffled over to sit on the bed and then gazed up at her father with her red-rimmed eyes. "Dad, I…I think I've made a horrible mistake. I…I made Castle think that I…but I do and…he probably hates me."

Smiling inwardly, her father assured her, "I'm certain he doesn't."

Kate shook her head and covered her face with her hands. She was sitting in a bedroom in the Fitzgerald family castle. But if she went with her heart…god, could she…? That would mean that…Oh! The mere thought of it made her sick. "But I…We came all the way to England and William's family…"

Jim crouched down in front of his daughter so they were more eye-level. "Don't make a decision based on who you don't want to upset, Katie; you'd be doing a disservice to yourself."

She nodded, knowing he was right. Breaking things off with William would be terrifically upsetting and one of the hardest things she would ever do. He was a good man and she didn't want to hurt him, but knowing she broke Castle's heart hurt even more. Hurting William she could live with; hurting her best friend she could not. She didn't know what would happen with Castle—if he would be the man she married or if, in the end, it wouldn't work out—but she knew that if she didn't try, if she never gave them a chance, she would wonder "What if?" every single day for the rest of her life.

After taking another moment to mop the moisture from her cheeks and beneath her nose, she gave her father a kiss on the cheek and hurried down the hall to Castle's room. She knocked on the door and waited, her heart fluttering uncontrollably in her chest. She waited thirty seconds. Then a minute. Then almost two before she knocked again and kept knocking until, unexpectedly, Javier opened the door.

Kate took a half step back. "Wh-where's Castle?"

"He's gone."

"G-gone!?" Kate gasped, her heart plummeting towards his feet.

Javier bobbed his head. "He said you didn't want him and he couldn't watch you marry another man so Kevin volunteered to take him to the airport."

"Oh god no!" Kate proclaimed. She stood frozen for a moment, frantically looking around the room as though Javier was playing a joke on her and Castle was really hiding behind the curtains, but the room was otherwise vacant. Quickly, she sprinted back to her room and found her cell phone on the nightstand. Her fingers trembling, she pressed the button that would call Castle's cell phone; Kate growled when it went directly to voicemail. How had he managed to get on a plane already!?

"Kate?"

She looked up to find a curious Javier standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Chewing on her bottom lip, she considered her next course of action. She thought for several moments before she stepped up to her friend and said, "Don't tell Castle, okay? I need to talk to him in person so I guess that's going to have to be back in New York, but don't tell him what's going on, okay?"

"Okay…" Javier agreed slowly. "But seriously—what's going on? Are you getting married tomorrow?"

A grin broke out on Kate's face and she shook her head. "No, no I'm not."