"I just had lunch with your boyfriend." Castiel sounded small over the phone, distant when mixed with all the odd traffic sounds and other outside noises.
Nick frowned at his phone, putting a hand over one ear to try and block out all the extra noises from his own work place. "Why?"
"Because it was lunch time." Came the easy and logical explanation. "He bought me a sandwich and we fed the birds."
As much as Nick liked to know that his baby brother was making friends, especially with a nice young man like Sam, it still begged the important question of why.
"He is… he's a very sweet person." Castiel stumbled beautifully through the normal, kind things that you are supposed to say about people, that his awkward brother had never been all that good at doing. "I don't think he would friend break up with you if you told him how you feel."
Nick rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, wishing that he'd never confided in his brother in the first place. Cassy had seemed the least likely to judge him or try to talk him into what they felt he should be doing with his life. Apparently not even Castiel could resist the urge to meddle.
"You didn't tell him about our conversation, did you?"
"Of course I didn't, you told me not to." The majority of the background noises on Cassy's side of the phone suddenly dropped off and he must have gone inside his office building. "But I really think you need to tell him, Nick. I'm worried what is going to happen if you two big idiots don't talk about what's going on between you."
"Why are we suddenly both idiots?" He wasn't arguing that he was, he just wanted to know what had changed between last night, Cas asking for gentle advice about what to do on his date in a few hours to suddenly nick being an idiot.
Castiel sighed. "Because you are. And right now I hate you, and him, and you're perfect for each other."
That must have been some lunch conversation.
"Take him somewhere nice, tell him you love him."
"Cassy, no."
"Then just touch his butt… and tell him you love him."
"No." Their conversation outside the bar last night had certainly opened up an odd new level of familial intimacy between them. "Because I don't." He looked over at his coworkers and how they weren't paying a lick of attention to him in his lonely corner where he was curled up with his phone and his sketch book.
Castiel sighed in a long suffering way. "Nick, you make me sad, and really angry sometimes."
"You can get angry?"
"I will tell him for you if you're not brave enough." It wasn't an offer. It was a threat.
Nick never should have talked to Cassy about this. He'd somehow gain himself a sympathetic enemy, and that was not nearly as fun as it sounded like it would be.
"Good, god. I'm an adult, I don't need you playing matchmaker."
"I did that three months ago when I lied to you about meeting for dinner. This is now an intervention."
Nick was getting one of the headaches that were generally reserved for mornings after ludicrous amounts of alcohol.
The problem with lying is that you have to keep it up. And that meant more and more lies. At this point it really would be worse to tell the truth so he may as well just keep adding on despite the fact that Castiel was his least favorite person to be dishonest with. What was that saying though, in for a penny, in for a pound?
"I'll talk to him tonight." No he wouldn't.
"Really?" Surprised, but happy. And that's why Nick hated lying to his youngest brother. He was just too gullible, and it made usual amounts of guilt escalate that much more.
"Yeah. I mean, you're right." No he wasn't. "I need to tell him." Nope.
"You'll feel so much better after you do."
Absolutely not.
"And Dean and I will be out most of the night, so it's a really good chance for you two to be alone. I think alone time is the best time for telling someone you love them."
Nick pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing with every fiber of his being that this was not a conversation that he was having. He never should have answered his phone.
He didn't call Sam that night. He didn't forget, he just never had any intention of doing it in the first place. Lucky him though, he didn't have to.
Sprawled on the couch in his dark apartment, half watching some documentary on Volcanoes and half wondering when the hell his life had turned into a telenovela, when his phone went off over on the coffee table. Rattling loudly and bouncing against an untouched bottle of beer.
-you asleep yet?
He glanced at the time and wondered how it was that Sam wasn't sleeping. The kid had school, shouldn't he have reverted to some kind of regular sleep schedule?
His was not to question why.
-it's not even 3 yet. Why would I be sleeping?
And to his surprise Sam answered back with a strange
-I miss having someone else in bed
followed by a slightly less strange
-it's kind of cold
At just the simple mention, Nick pulled his soft red blanket a little tighter around his shoulders.
-you're cold? You took my space heater with you when you left. Im freezing my ass off here.
Maybe Sam missed having someone else in bed, but he couldn't possibly be missing it as much as Nick was.
-turn the heater on Came some sound advice, but the joke was on Sam because the heater was on, it just really didn't work all that well.
-the heater doesn't have your smile He tried a feeble attempt at being cute, but the longer he looked at the words the dumber he felt for having sent them.
And damn everything- because it had been over a week since he'd seen Sam and his dimples and heard that laugh. Sometimes you have to suffer a bit for good things.
-you have school in a few hours?
And Nick held his breath, waiting for the answer, trying very hard to be brave about this, to convince himself that the end result would be worth it.
-nope. No morning classes on Mondays
Oh, just go for it. Everything was going to end badly anyways, so he may as well try to enjoy the last little bit that he had.
-come get coffee with me
-it's 2:45 in the morning. Sam pointed out like the stick in the mud that he could be at times.
And it was a fair argument, but Nick was an expert arguer and he knew what he wanted and in the end Sam didn't need much convincing.
He drove out to the little house with the picket fence and found Sam waiting on the front porch for him, hoodie and jacket pulled tight as he hugged himself against the cold. He trotted out to the car, breath steaming out of him like a steam engine and he barreled into the passenger seat.
"Won't coffee sort of keep you from going to be anytime soon?" He looked over at Nick with night black eyes, pressing his hands to the heating vent.
"What makes you think I want to go to bed any time soon?" He returned and threw the car back in gear.
Neither of them spoke, but it was nighttime and the hush felt right. Honestly, Nick didn't mind. He was just enjoying having Sam within arm's reach, even if he wasn't willing to reach.
In the close confines he could smell Sam, and Sam smelled nice. Nice in the same way that when you go visit a place you haven't been to in years the familiar scent has a way of making you feel like you've come home. But that thought made Nick feel sad and he banished it, getting onto the freeway and leaving the city behind.
"Where is this coffee that you promised exactly?"
Where? Nick honestly had no idea. He was just driving at this point. "Uh, Pacifica." If they had to be going somewhere.
"That's a half hour drive… for coffee." Sam was so smart. Look at him noticing that he was being gently kidnapped.
"It's really good coffee." Nick tried to promise, to ease the unease at this sudden journey they were on. "There's a place out in Monterey too, but that's almost two hours and it felt a little ridiculous and out of the way." See, this was the most logical choice. Just go with it, Sam.
"You're a little ridiculous."
Nick could hear the smile in the younger man's voice, and it eased some of the tightness in his chest. "And out of the way?"
"No. I think you've been in the way since I met you." Which could have been a bad thing, but not if said in that tone of voice.
"In the way of what?"
"Everything." Sam answered with a sleepy yawn that Nick had no choice but to copy.
Miles rolled by, and Nick's mind wandered. First to the boy sitting next to him, skirting the fact that this would likely be the last trip that they were going to take together, focusing on that kiss from the other night, the way that Sam had slotted right between his knees. But that thought was a bit too dangerous. He tried to focus less on his company and more on the winding roads.
It was a good idea after all. He'd totaled a car out here once when he was much younger. But drinking, driving, twisty roads, fog, and a startled deer had not exactly been on his plans for that night. He was sober now, and the fog was minimal, even this close to the ocean. All he had was Sam's soft breaths and quiet shifting to serve as a distraction. It was more than enough actually.
"Nick?" Sam kind of hesitated. "I- I missed you."
It was just so startlingly beautiful to hear those short few words. "I missed you too, darlin'." He said through a laugh, and charmingly, Sam laughed too. It made Nick's whole body relax.
Easy as you like they slipped into gentle conversation, talking about Sam's classes, and how Nick liked being back at work after what felt like such a long break. They got to reminiscing over childhood vacations somehow, Sam had apparently spent most of his summers out visiting an Uncle in one of the Dakotas. This came with tantalizing mental images of teenaged Sam with sun kissed skin, spending weeks out on the lake with his brother- and Nick could do without those particular day dreams, but now he had them. Sam with his long, skinny legs and a toothy grin, bare chested in swimming trunks and absolutely nothing else.
He downshifted as they came into the city, all the sand dunes giving way to the small, sprawling beach town. They came to a stop light and as the car idled in neutral Nick let his hand slip to Sam's knee. Absolutely not where his hand should have been going, but it was there before he had a chance to second guess himself.
Sam shifted under his hand, spreading his legs just a bit, knee getting closer to Nick. It was almost like an offer, but at the same time so subtle it had to be unconscious, and Nick had two whole options, keep his hand where it was and pretend that this was ok, or quickly pull away and make the situation that much more awkward.
Obviously he chose to keep his hand there, enjoying the radiant warmth he was getting through the younger man's jeans.
That damn light changed and he had to shift back up into first and off they went. Nick was grateful for the sleepy town that hadn't woken up just yet. It meant that they were alone on the streets and no one was there to tell Nick to follow any of the posted traffic sighs and signals.
He pulled into the parking lot, only to see that the coffee shop was still dark, not even open yet. He really should have driven out here a bit slower. The car's windows started fogging the second that he turned off the engine and it made everything feel even more secluded and intimate- which was actually not what Nick had been going for. Alone felt dangerous.
Sam was saying something and Nick was making an effort to not turn in his seat and look at the younger man, not really listening in the slightest- at least not until Sam suggested that they go out to the beach while waiting for the coffee place to open up. They could see if there were the makings of a fire.
It would be like the first trip that they'd made together.
Bitter sweet offer at best, and Nick swallowed down the lump he felt in his throat and agreed to follow Sam down to the water.
He would have agreed to just about anywhere at this point, as long as they could be going there together.
They walked far too close together, shoulders brushing from time to time, and it was almost as good as holding hands. Almost.
.:.