Nick was really starting to hate saying goodbye to Sam, and he wondered if he asked the boy to just move in with him and stay for forever, if that would remedy all these long and awkward partings. More importantly, would Sam say yes? They'd only known each other for a few months, but how long do you really need to know someone before you're allowed to decide that this is the right someone? The kind of someone that you want to keep indefinitely.

He really should tell Sam all those stupid thoughts he was having. If only because it would remove any of those 'what if' feelings that Nick knew he was going to have in about a week and on into the next few years.

Cassy had been right.

He did that at some of the most inconvenient situations.

"You got any time between now and Valentine's Day?" He couldn't look at Sam while asking. He didn't want to see what sort of reception his words were getting. "We could get dinner or something… you know, one last time."

And Sam didn't answer right away, he just stood there in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot, little frown on the corners of his lips. Nick watched every little twitch happening on Sam's mouth until finally there was a wary smile.

"Aw, Luci, you wanna' take me out for dinner?"

"I was thinking of ordering out actually. We could stay in. Watch a movie."

"So… same as we normally do then?"

It had worked for them so far. "It'd be damn strange to go and start changing things now, right?" Nick took a moseying little step closer, the toes of his boots nudging Sam's bare feet, careful not to stomp any toes. There was some reason in the back of his mind, keeping close, keeping warm from the cold wind hitting his back- but really? Poor excuses. He just wanted to stay as close to Sam as he was allowed for as long as he was. He felt like an idiot as soon as he realized what he was doing, but not enough of an idiot to take a step back to where he belonged.

Sam was half shrugging, one shoulder going up in a non committal gesture. No eye contact and for the hundredth time that morning Nick wished he knew what all this vague body language meant. Nothing good, but he didn't want to admit to it. Acknowledging that this wasn't working out like they had hoped and that it would be a good and safe thing for both of them once it was over, wasn't something Nick was willing to do just yet.

He reached out to Sam for what might be the last time, running a thumb along his jaw, feeling the light spattering of stubble that lessened the impact of his boyish looks. And he wasn't hoping to get anything out of that touch, just… just any excuse for physical contact that he thought he could get away with, but Sam was closing his eyes and leaning into his hand and Nick couldn't help himself.

His mouth couldn't seem to form the word goodbye, but he was able to place a glancing kiss on Sam's cheek, and what the hell, it was all over anyways. He could at least try and get a laugh out of one of them.

"I don't mind being a little late for work, we could go back upstairs an fool around until you have to go to school."

Sam chuckled and turned his face a little more into Nick's palm, hot breath against his wrist. He also gave a gentle shove, hands smacking against Nick's chest in a way that wasn't meant to hurt. "I've still got to go take a shower and get all the sand out of my hair, jerk."

Nick grinned into Sam's cheek, closing his eyes and trying not to imagine Sam in the shower because such things would be the death of him. But his friend's hands didn't leave his chest, instead taking little fistfuls of his jacket and tugging him closer.

It wasn't a fight worth fighting.

"I could come with." Nick suggested, overly self conscious about the way his whispering was getting ragged around the edges. "I'm a very good helper." He hesitantly touched Sam's hip and when he wasn't smacked away, he tightened his grip, holding onto his friend because damn everything he couldn't say with a straight face, but this is what he wanted. He wanted it so bad that he didn't care if they were just joking around anymore. He could pretend.

Just let him pretend.

"You are the opposite of a very good anything."

Which was oh so very true and Nick found himself laughing softly. And this was either the very right or very wrong reaction because the younger man was suddenly catching him up in a bone crushing hug, squeezing all breath and reluctance right out of him.

Nick didn't know if he laughed, or whimpered or what sort of noise left his mouth, but he slid an arm around Sam's back and just held on to his friend for all he was worth. One more kiss, perhaps a little too lingering was laid down on the hollow of Sam's cheek, tangling his fingers in all that long, shaggy hair.

Sam didn't tell him no. Sam didn't laugh at the stupidity of the gesture. He just pulled his arms even tighter around Nick, and there might be bruises later today, but it was well worth the cost of admission. People over the age of about eight didn't hug Nick. Not like this at least. This was… it was everything he'd never admitted to himself that he needed and he didn't want it to end.

But nothing good could ever last, certainly not things that Nick wanted. He was slightly cursed that way.

"Nick… it might just be easier to say goodbye right now and… and lie to our brothers about the breakup later-"

"Fuck that." And what he really meant was 'fuck you for even suggesting such an insane and undesirable thing'.

"I get at least one more night with you. One more dinner. One more movie. One more time to try and keep my hands warm using your unhealthy body heat. One more chance to say something that I can regret for the rest of my foreseeable future." He bore his teeth as he made his wish list, eyes closed so tight because he couldn't bear to open them right now, it would make everything feel too real. "You don't get to take that away from me. We had a deal, darlin'. We shook on it."

He left out the please, but it was there. Sam had to know it was in there.

Just this once.

Nick took a sharp breath as Sam buried his face into the side of his neck, breathing soft fire along his skin. Quietly dragging his lips over his pulse, reaping all kinds of beautiful havoc with each touch.

For a long held breath, Nick wasn't even positive that it had even happened. But there were teeth cutting teasingly into the thin skin of his throat, and then a hot flick of tongue and Nick knew without a doubt that he had to still be upstairs in bed asleep. Only he didn't have dream this nice.

His eyes flashed open, fearing to see one of their brothers lurking nearby- but no. It was just him and Sam and Sam's sinfully deliberate mouth closing over his pulse. And Nick wasn't capable of suppressing a shiver, his whole body begging yes with a singular tremor before he could stop it. He realized too late that he'd made a noise too accompany that, something gratuitous and alarmingly too intimate than what the situation called for.

But then again, what did a situation like this deserve?

Low lights and smooth jazz?

Fanfare and confetti?

Soft applause?

Someone laughing and saying 'just kidding'?

Sam was pulling away and the only thing that Nick could think to do was cling to him like a lifeline. Curling his fingers in a way that had to be painfully tight though Sam's hair.

Just this once, for one god damned minute, couldn't Nick just have a good thing? Was the universe as a whole really that much against him? What terrible atrocity had he committed in a past life that made this kind of thing ok?

"Sam. Sam." He kept repeating like a prayer until the rest of his mind caught up. Maybe there was just a fault in the wiring, a missed translation somewhere down the lines. "I know it's probably been awhile for you- but that actually means don't stop."

Please don't stop.

Please.

"Nick, oh god." Sam's voice had gone a bit high, startled like he suddenly realized what was happening. Like it was just as much of a surprise to him as it was to Nick. Embarrassment and anxiety having no place in this moment, but well and filling taking up all the little spaces between them.

"Please." Nick's inner monologue found a way out of his mouth, and he felt his face go hot with embarrassment all his own.

And if he had know, if anyone had just sat Nick down and explained to him that all he had to do was ask, he would have done it weeks ago. Because apparently that was good enough for Sam, and the younger man only paused long enough to still his panic quickened breaths before pressing a rather firm and unmistakable kiss to the dip of Nick's collar bone.

More bruises made soft promises to him as Sam sucked and nibbled a tender spot into Nick's throat, and little hesitant movements became increasingly curious, and then downright aggressive.

It was a problem that Nick had always had. Not so much that he liked being roughed up, because lord knew he could give as good as he could take. But he had this horrible weakness for people who knew what they wanted and had no shame in taking it from him. It had lead to him sharing his bed with a handful of rather forceful women- and now apparently doorways with equally forceful young men.

He found himself pinned against the frame of the door, infrastructure of the house digging in along his spine just as those hard angles of Sam's hips were suddenly digging into his own. And Nick would like to say that he could remember each and ever shaking breath between them, each slow grind, and exact ways that their bodies slid together- but honestly? It just became a blur after that.

Right up until Dean was suddenly yelling at them to knock it off and Sam was backing off just as quickly as he'd come.

It took a few seconds to Nick to remember what to do with his suddenly empty hands. Had he been squeezing Sam's ass? The idea almost made him giggle, but he felt rather unsteady in that moment and a lot of things were on the brink of happening to him if he didn't calm the fuck down and come back from the borderline hysterics he was feeling.

How had he not realized that it had been that long since he'd been with someone? Yes, it had been months, but he hadn't considered just how bad he needed it until the offer was suddenly being dragged back off the table and he was left standing cold and stunned and unable to form complete thoughts.

"Sorry." Sam didn't sound all that apologetic. "Nick was just leaving. We were… saying goodbye."

And now that they had been interrupted, etiquette would require that they start back at the beginning of the goodbye to insure it was done right.

That's how these things worked, right?

Right?

"I don't care what you were doing. I just don't want to see it." Dean groused as he stomped his way down the rest of the stairs.

Nick glanced up, feeling almost confident enough to try more complex movements. And then he saw Castiel standing there. His baby brother wide eyed and embarrassed sufficiently for both of them.

"Cassy, why are you here?"

And he watched in stunned appreciation as his rumpled looking brother visibly pushed down his embarrassment, (cheeks still incriminatingly pink) a knowing look coming over him, outweighing all else.

"Good morning, Nick." He didn't answer the question, all while sounding so smug in those three words you'd think it was Gabriel standing there what obviously had to be the same clothes he'd worn yesterday, practically grinning at having caught his big brother necking in a semipublic place. No shame at all for the fact that his being here was far, far more incrimination on the 'what the hell is going on' scale.

"And hello again, Sam."

To which the kid didn't seem to be able to remember the correct response and instead settled for going pale and stricken.

Everyone had been caught with their hands in some kind of cookie jar this morning- and the only one who didn't seem to give a good god damn about it was Dean. Smug little smile as he pulled on his jacket.

And unfortunately, as soon as Nick took notice of that, all the remainder of his happy thoughts and feelings left him in a rush of breath. Castiel was here. In the Winchester's house. He'd come downstairs with Dean. Apparently he'd made them all coffee this morning. He'd spent the night.

It was a little sad at how slow he was to put those facts in order and come to the overly obvious conclusion. Cassy had spent the night.

"H-how were the movies last night?" Sam asked in an overly loud way, drawing Nick's attention for a fraction of a second, but then Castiel's smile went soft and his eyes started darting around the room before settling down near his feet. "The first one was very exciting. Not very believable… but there were lots of explosions and at least four car chases."

"How was the second movie?" Sam pressed, obviously trying to distract the room from the memory of what he and Nick had been caught doing. But it was working like a charm.

Castiel's eyes went very wide as his examination of the floor intensified, cheeks going almost painfully red. "I don't know… I didn't get a chance to see most of it."

It took almost everything in Nick not to grab Dean as he swaggered past and out the door, Castiel in tow, smug son of a bitch just asking to be punched in the face.

"How mad would you be if I killed him?" He managed to growl out between his teeth as he watched the long black car roll down the driveway and out of sight.

Sam didn't answer right away. "It's not that bad." He lied. "I don't think they actually did anything other than go to the movies."

"He said they were going to the drive-ins, but I didn't think they would actually-" actually what? Act like two grown adults who had it bad for eachother? Well, if he and Sam could keep on not keeping on, then damn it all, everyone else should be keeping their hands to themselves as well. At the very least, everyone near his baby brother should be.

"If he touched my Cassy I swear I'll skin him alive with a butter knife."

"They're both adults." And it was hard to tell if Sam was being protective of his own brother, or just rational. "And if anything at all happened than it isn't any worse than what we've been telling them we've been up to for months."

Which was NOT AT ALL COMFORTING.

Sam obviously wasn't getting the real problem here.

It had nothing to do with consenting adults, and none of his damn business.

It had everything to do with the fact that Castiel wasn't really an adult in any practical definition of the word.

"But you're not a virgin and Castiel is-" he struggled to press the real problem here. "Or at least he better still be, because he deserves a hell of a lot better than his first time being with your fucking brother in the backseat of that car."

Sam took a turn letting he eyebrows go up, his eyes getting wide. And maybe he got it. Because if anyone in the world could really know what a bastard Dean probably was, it was this kid right here.

"I… I'll talk to Dean. Find out what happened." Which was still not comforting in even the smallest way. When Nick didn't answer he added. "I'll text you. Ok?"

What else was there to do at this point?

"Yeah." Because why not. He took a slow breath, counting softly to ten, all those little things he'd been taught when he was young to do when he needed to calm his temper. They never worked then, and they sure as hell weren't working now- but it wasn't Sam's fault. "Yeah." He repeated. He really wasn't allowed to just have a nice moment was he? He couldn't just make out with his friend and maybe rub against each other like teenagers at a school dance. Apparently these things were not allowed.

He tried a smile. "I've… I've really got to get to work. I… um." Shit. Shit shit shit. "We're still on for Valentine's Day, right?"

Sam looked at him like he was the devil himself. All kinds of shock and uncertaintly and 'oh god, what are we doing' coming so clearly over his face.

Nick was glad that he'd never lost the knack of saying the worst things at the worst possible time.

"Ordering out, staying in." He tried to save things, to draw attention towards food and safe activities and not a reminder of the fact that they were in the most fucked up kind of non-relationship imaginable at this point. "We can sit on the couch and not cuddle… because we're men." Trying to make a joke at this point was not the way to go, but Sam kind of chuckled and wouldn't make eye contact.

"Very straight men." He agreed tightly.

The kid had been right earlier. It would be so much easier to just 'break up' now. What else was there to say?

Nick touched his own throat, rubbing at the soreness that ran from almost his ear down to his collar bone.

Maybe there were still things to say.

Quite a few new things to say actually.