It had only been a few days since Gokudera's birthday, and Bel had calmed down after his talk with Dino. The younger blond had been very distressed, terrified of being taken away from the life he was finally growing comfortable and happy with, but when Dino had promised to never make any decisions regarding Italy without consulting Bel first, he had slowly relaxed, knowing his old guardian would never just take him away without preparing him for it first.
"We had our geography test today for our first class." Gokudera, who was bringing Bel back home after the blond's appointment with his doctor, turned the car into the driveway to access the underground parking for their apartment complex. "Yamamoto came to school late, and he had his math shit with him. He was panicking because he hadn't been studying and wasn't ready. The idiot laughed when I told him he was thinking of geometry instead of what test we actually had."
Bel's lips lifted upwards at the story. He always enjoyed hearing about his boyfriend's day at school because he hated whenever he was home alone until the younger finished his classes; hearing about what Gokudera got up to in the day made him feel a lot better about staying in bed waiting for the silver-haired male to come back.
"I can't believe he's been taking the class for how many years now and never learnt the difference between geometry and geography." Gokudera parked the car in his space and turned it off. He didn't speak again until he and Bel were standing next to it. He took the smaller male's hand as they started walking before he said, "It's no wonder he's close to failing. He'd still be back in middle school if it weren't for me helping him with his work."
Bel giggled. He stepped into the elevator with Gokudera and repeatedly pressed the button for their floor; he was starting to get a little bit of his original childish behaviour back, a hopeful sign that he would eventually recover from the trauma inflicted on him. He hummed happily to himself as he rocked back and forth on his heels, and he couldn't help but purr when he felt his boyfriend thread long digits through his golden locks.
"You're really happy today." Gokudera smiled. He looked over his shoulder when the elevator stopped and the doors opened, and he didn't speak again until he and Bel were walking down the corridor to their apartment. "Did you have a good day in town with Dino?"
Bel nodded. He had enjoyed lunch with his old guardian, and it had been nice to relax at the man's home for a while, too.
"I'm glad. My friends and I, and maybe Dino, will be going out on the weekend. Do you want to come with us, or would you rather stay home?" By now, the two had drawn ever closer to their apartment, and their neighbour was approaching them. Gokudera didn't think much of it; he was more focused on waiting for Bel to respond.
Bel hummed before he pointed towards their apartment; at the moment he felt more comfortable staying home rather than going out, but Gokudera knew he might change his mind later on.
Gokudera kissed Bel's cheek. "I'll make up a bed for you on the couch and get you some sushi and new movies to watch while I'm with my friends. Is there anything else you'll want?"
The silver-haired male had never expected for a verbal reply since he was talking to Bel, so when one came, he almost didn't know what to think – that was, until he realised it had come from their neighbour who was passing by them.
"He probably wants you to stop acting like his babysitter and more like his boyfriend." The man stopped by the younger two, and while he didn't look at Bel, he sent a look of annoyance towards Gokudera. "The walls between our apartments are so thin, and I can hear every word you say to him. He's meant to be your boyfriend, but all you are is some fancy babysitter. You two don't even have sex, so how can you call yourself his boyfriend?"
Bel looked at the ground as he moved to hide behind Gokudera. He could feel the younger male's hand gripping his, and he whimpered.
"What do you care what we do in our relationship?" Gokudera narrowed his eyes. "He's my boyfriend and not yours, so keep your fuckin' nose out of it."
"I've heard you two in the bedroom. You've tried to have sex before, but all he could do was cry. You really think that's a healthy relationship?"
"Our relationship isn't built on sex; it's built on trust and understanding. Our relationship would be unhealthy if I forced Bel into bed with me – but I don't, and we've only tried to have it together whenever he's felt he was ready. Just because you think sex is crucial in a relationship doesn't mean I do."
"You really think either of you are going to be happy in a relationship going nowhere?" The man raised an eyebrow as he looked at Bel. "You're always busy with school and work and you go out with your friends a lot, and you leave the poor thing home by himself all the time. You lead too busy a life to have much time for your own boyfriend, and he's the complete opposite who has too much time because all you two are is pretty much friends who live together and nothing more."
"Bel's comfortable with how our relationship is, and that's all that matters. We don't care what you have to say about us because you know nothing. We don't have to stand here and listen to someone like you, so we'll be going home now. Come on, Bel."
Bel didn't hesitate to follow Gokudera past their neighbour and towards their apartment; he was just glad to get away from what was upsetting him so much. He felt sick as his boyfriend unlocked the front door; all he wanted to do was lay down in bed for a while and try to forget what had happened in the corridor.
"Are you okay, Bel?" Gokudera put his hand on the older male's forearm. He frowned when the blond shook his head. "Go have a rest. Try not to think about it; he doesn't know what he's talking about."
Bel hummed. He stared down at the ground as he made his way to their bedroom, but even when he was curled up beneath the blankets, he still felt restless; he couldn't stop thinking about things he hated so much, and he wasn't sure if he could keep it all inside for any longer; he needed someone to understand what he had been through, and the only two people who knew the truth couldn't help him in this moment; Squalo was still in Italy and couldn't answer his phone if Xanxus was around, and Dino was too busy with work to talk to him.
That left only one option, and as scared as he was, he knew he could no longer hide everything and pretend he was okay. Bel sat up on the mattress and grabbed his notepad and pen from the bedside table. His tears fell onto the lined pages as he wrote in shaky handwriting about his childhood and everything that had happened to him to shape him into the person he was today. He wrote about how his family had abandoned him, how Squalo had found him and given him a home. He didn't hide how Xanxus was abusive to Squalo, and when it came time to write about what had happened on his birthday, he opened up about everything. By the time he finished explaining how Dino had taken him in after everything that had happened, the notepad in his hand was drenched by tears, but he still took it out into the living room to give to his boyfriend.
Gokudera had been seated at the desk, with a textbook open by his side as he alternated between researching something on the internet and flicking back to his Facebook page to talk to Tsuna. He turned around as he heard Bel bump into the coffee table, and when he noticed the tears that were still rolling down the smaller male's cheeks, he bit his cheek.
"It's okay, Bel." Gokudera waited for Bel to approach him. The blond sat down in the chair next to his before he passed the notepad over with trembling hands. The younger flicked through all of the pages, concerned to see that whatever Bel wanted to tell him was enough to take up two-dozen pages. He didn't hesitate to read from the beginning, and he said nothing until he had gotten to the very last word. He felt sick as he looked up at Bel; Dino had hinted before, but never outright said anything about Bel's past, and while he had guessed at some things, he couldn't have imagined such darkness in only a few years. "Bel…"
Bel looked to his lap, not sure he wanted to hear what Gokudera had to say – but to his surprise, the younger said nothing; he simply stood up and wrapped his arms tight around Bel. It was silent for several minutes before the silver-haired male pulled away and whispered, "I'm sorry that happened to you, Bel. I still love you. I won't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself; none of that was your fault, and you didn't deserve any of it."
Bel took his notepad back so that he could write something else. I'm sorry I'm a bad boyfriend, Hayato.
"You're not a bad boyfriend at all," Gokudera promised. "You've been through a lot; I understand. It's not your fault. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. I'm always here for you when you're feeling flat."
Bel smiled through his tears as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Gokudera. He nuzzled in against his boyfriend's cheek, so glad that he had come to love the taller male over the years. Part of him still thought about Ayane and wondered how things could have been between them had she not tried to rush him into things he wasn't ready for, but even so, he believed he wouldn't have been as happy with her as he was with Gokudera, because though it had taken a long time to come to trust his boyfriend, he had never been able to feel as comfortable around someone as he could his partner.
Gokudera smiled as he cupped Bel's face. He kissed the smaller male gently before he said, "Let's go on a date; I'm sick of studying."
Bel smiled brightly. He lifted his hand to wipe his tears away; it had been a while since they had been on a date together because Gokudera had been very busy studying for his upcoming exams.
"Want to go down to the river and then go to a restaurant for lunch?" Gokudera threaded his fingers through soft golden locks. He kissed the tip of the older male's nose when he received a nod in response. "Go and get ready, then. I'll just quickly finish this project and then we'll go."
Bel nodded. He left the living room to go and clean himself up a bit, and he only had to wait on the couch for a few minutes before Gokudera turned the computer off and stood up. He was happy to leave their apartment with his boyfriend because he always loved spending time with the younger.
Sometimes he wished he had met Gokudera sooner, and then maybe he wouldn't have fallen as deep into his depression as he had.
~~XX~~
The river was one of Bel's favourite places to spend time with Gokudera. It was quiet, and not many people came down to such an isolated area. While the blond didn't always join his partner in swimming, he sometimes dipped his toes into the cold water; he was nervous about removing his clothing in order to get into the water, and he also didn't want for them to be saturated, either.
Today, though, Bel couldn't help but think about how nice it would be to join Gokudera in the water, especially since it was getting a little warm out. He fingered the hem of his shirt tentatively, and after looking around at their surroundings to reassure himself that it was only them at the river, he was finally able to pull it off his torso and carefully place it down next to the other's pile of clothing. It was harder for him to remove his pants and leave himself in only his boxers, but he was able to do it with a bit of encouragement from Gokudera.
"Careful, Bel." The younger male held Bel's hand as they slowly waded deeper into the river. "It gets deep fast. Let's swim out to that little island in the middle."
Bel nodded. He followed Gokudera out into the middle of the river, finding that the small island looked very comfortable; the grass looked so green and soft, and he couldn't wait to try it out for himself.
It didn't take long to reach the island, and once they had, they laid down on the grass together. Bel's head rested on Gokudera's chest as the younger male caressed his boyfriend's side slowly; it was relaxing out here where it was just the two of them and no one else.
Gokudera was glad Bel had eventually been able to allow the silver-haired male to touch his bare skin. It had taken three years, and slowly but surely, the blond had stopped panicking whenever he felt skin-on-skin contact.
"I gotta work tomorrow…" Gokudera sighed; he would much rather stay home with Bel than have to go to work and deal with stupid people. "Can't be fucked…"
Bel snuggled closer. He kissed his boyfriend's chin as he purred softly, no long bothered whenever long fingers caressed his many scars; while he still resented his body and the marring left behind by Xanxus, he no longer felt ashamed of the old wounds around Gokudera; the younger male had only ever showed him love and support for them.
Gokudera chuckled. "You can hang out with Tsuna and the baseball idiot if you want tomorrow. They said they were going to see a movie."
The blond nodded. He closed his eyes as he relaxed, comforted greatly by their position. "…"
The younger male smiled. He rolled them over so that he was on top of Bel. He knew the blond trusted him, and that though it had taken a long time, the smaller male didn't mind being laid on top of now as long as it was Gokudera. He drew Bel into a deep, passionate kiss as his hands wandered down the older male's sides.
Bel returned the kiss. He enjoyed the hands that ghosted against his skin, knowing Gokudera would never do anything to him that he wasn't ready for.
As expected, Gokudera's hands stopped short of Bel's boxers. But one thing the taller male would never have expected was for the blond's hands to twitch before they hesitantly reached out and cupped the front of his boyfriend's swimwear.
Gokudera gasped, but he didn't say anything; he knew to just let Bel do what he was comfortable with and see where it led. He didn't mind how slowly his boyfriend caressed him, or how often the smaller male stopped and started; all that mattered was that Bel was taking a huge step.
What gave Gokudera the most hope that Bel was finally starting to complete the healing process was the way the blond had next grabbed the younger's hand and moved it onto his own crotch in silent request to be pleasured as well.