seeker of truth ( by e.e. cummings)
Helena had just burst through the door, taking Irene by surprise.
"Helena, I have no idea what you're talking about," Irene said, reading the woman's body language and knowing she was dead serious.
"Open your pocketbook!" Helena ordered and pointed to the item that lay flat on the opposite side of the desk.
"Whatever for?" Irene asked stunned by the request.
"I want to see what medications you're on," Helena explained, folding her arms and waiting. "I know a thing or two about pocketbooks, madam, and yours is forever void of most things a woman carries."
Irene bit her lip not to laugh at that last statement. "This isn't high school where you can conduct surprise raids of lockers," Irene explained.
"Ah, but we can do random drug tests. Let's go," Helena said, crooking her finger and waiting for Irene to get up.
"Where are we going?" Irene asked, not budging from the leather chair.
"Blood and urine tests," Helena rolled her eyes, annoyed she had to explain this to the woman in charge of Human Resources.
"Helena, I assure you I am not on medication and I am physically fine," Irene said, trying to sort through this drama.
Helena stared back. "Then it's psychological. Oh no!" Helena said, slapping her forehead and walking behind the chair in front of Irene's desk. "God knows how long that will take us in your case," she said and then stared down at the woman to add, "So many possibilities."
It didn't take Irene long to notice how sharp Helena's jabs were becoming. She remembered the first day she returned home after Bandit moved in, the dog had pulled down a curtain and chewed her shoe to bits - all things he had outgrown. His regression, Irene decided, was because he was left alone. But she hadn't left Helena. Just the same, she had the feeling Helena was here to chew her out.
"Do you want to explain to me what you think is happening?" Irene asked calmly, trying not to set the Brit off any more than she was.
"It is not what I think, it is what I know," Helena corrected her quickly. Irene knew any one word could ignite the temper even more.
"Of course," Irene said, trying to calm her friend. "What is it that you know?" She knew the question would draw an eye roll and long sighs.
"I went to Ted Grayson's office this morning. Just back from my honeymoon and I marched in there ready to do battle. Not because he thought he could get something over on me, but because he thought he could get something over on you!" Helena said, and her nostrils flared with renewed anger. "I set him straight and made him pay! He's lucky I didn't crack that thick skull of his!"
"Yes, you did a very good job apparently of disguising your payback," Irene commented.
"And I came back here ready to face you two and what do I get? Myka is completely turned on by it and you said nothing," Helena said disgusted, but finally getting to the point.
"You're upset that Myka was …turned on? Is that what you called it?" Irene asked, almost innocently.
"Any more turned on and she would have burned the papers on my desk with that look," Helena reminisced and proceeded to lose her train of thought. Irene sat there quietly while Helena enjoyed her reverie. If Helena wasn't upset with Myka, Irene knew who that left. Finally, Helena got back to the reason she was there. "And you…."
"Helena, I appreciated that you would go….to such lengths…," Irene tried to explain, but Helena's hand was up.
"Myka was demonstrating that she trusts me. But you, you just said nothing as if what I did was perfectly normal," Helena complained and confused Irene.
"And…it wasn't perfectly …normal?" she guessed. The length of time it was taking Irene to get this was only proof to Helena how patient she was with the woman.
"I went there with vengeance on my mind. I was going to make him pay for …for whatever he thought about having drinks with you. And I did make him pay. I stunned him and let him drop to the floor. I told him never to talk about you again. I slapped his face and I pounded his chest. I dare say, he'll be bruised from my saving him," Helena said, proud of her quick thinking.
"And then you came back here….," Irene led the question, trying to understand.
"And you two …..do nothing! Myka I rather understand. She likes it when I get …," Helena said and caught herself and got back on track. "…but you! Condoning such behavior? No, that is not like you. Not at all. No matter what good reason for my actions, you lecture, you admonish, you…do whatever it is you do. And you didn't, so that's proof that there's something wrong with you and I intend to find out what it is. "
"Even if it kills me," Irene said, under her breath. "Sit down," she finally said to Helena because she was making Irene dizzy with parading back and forth.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Helena asked, feeling like she was pulling teeth to get at the truth.
"Yes," Irene said – even though she didn't know what she was going to say. There really was nothing going on, but she knew that's not what Helena wanted to hear. There was something going on with Helena and now it was Irene's task to find out what it was.
Irene stared at Helena for a minute as she tried to sort this out. "Okay," she said and meant – let's give this a try. "You know that my response was one of appreciation…," Irene attempted, but was cut off.
"Yes, yes, I was magnificent," Helena said, pushing back in the chair, crossing her legs and dropping her arms like she was bored.
"And I showed my gratitude by trusting that you handled the situation…," Irene summarized and then saw the Brit's eyes narrow on her and her jaw tighten. "No, that's not it," Irene said softly.
The HR Director sat back and crossed her hands in front of her. The enigma wrapped inside a riddle that was Helena was losing all patience and Irene was running out of time. Helena didn't want her gratitude; it was to be expected. She didn't want her trusting her; Myka had done that. If Myka was making her feel good for having done this, then perhaps it was Irene's job not to. 'Here goes,' Irene said to herself, taking a deep breath.
"Helena, I didn't want to say anything in front of Myka, seeing how much she appreciated what you had done," Irene started and Helena's finger circled to indicate she really didn't have time for this. "….but I cannot …," Irene said slowly, feeling her way through the minefield that was Helena's expectations – "…disregard what you did." She tried to make it sound less like the question it was.
Helena Wells was not easily fooled …. Usually.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Helena asked, suspiciously.
Now that Irene thought she might be on the right track, or at least one that wasn't getting her head bitten off, she kept going. "I didn't want to contradict Myka," Irene said and could see Helena's glare soften. "She obviously was taken with how gallant you were." Now she was on a roll. "But really, Helena! What were you thinking?" Irene asked, pushing her chair back now. "You could have gotten into some serious trouble."
Helena was trying to act dismissive of every word she was listening to. "Don't be ridiculous! I took every precaution and knew exactly what I was doing," Helena said, defensively, but calmer.
"There was no need for you to do this. Ted and I had drinks which I initiated. You went marching up there with no way of knowing what his reaction would be, or if your plan would work! Suppose he had gotten hurt?" Irene asked, suddenly feeling like things were moving the way they should be.
"Don't …lecture me," Helena said, even though this was what she had expected.
It was time for Irene to turn things around. "No, that's exactly what you want, Helena. You do not want me to appreciate your actions because you need me to keep you in line."
"Don't be ridiculous," Helena bellowed.
Irene got up from her desk and walked to the other side. She sat down on the edge of it closer to Helena. "You were afraid I was getting soft on you…," Irene said, the light going off, the bells whistling. "….Weren't you?" the HR Director asked, her arms crossed.
"Yes!" Helena admitted before she realized it.
"You want me to make sure you don't run amuck," Irene added.
"Yes, no…not in an irritating way," Helena said, tripping herself up.
"But you don't want me to be charmed the way Myka was, because then no one will challenge you," Irene stated.
"Yes, no..I don't care if you're charmed or not!" Helena said, unsure of the question now.
"You want me to call it as it is," Irene asserted.
Getting up from her seat and backing away from Irene, Helena protested, "Don't get carried away just because you rebooted and got your usual annoying personality back online." Irene was sounding more like Irene and that's all she wanted.
"No, you're right. I was so taken with you defending my honor that I didn't take in the whole picture. I do apologize," Irene said, slowing moving the force that was Helena.
"All right…then. Yes….," Helena said, feeling like she accomplished what she set out to do.
"Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Helena," Irene said, slowly getting up.
"Yes, well – it was important," Helena pointed out.
"And I'm glad we caught this in the nick of time, too," Irene said and confused Helena.
"What do you mean?" the Brit asked, thinking the conclusion should have come a while ago.
"Well, if you didn't make me realize my error, who knows what else might have gone on? No, this is good. Now I can put something in place that will help you," Irene said, smiling.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Helena asked, feeling they were off track …again.
"See Helena? Your language, your roughing up people. I think it's stress related," Irene said, leading Helena where she wanted her to go.
"The only stress I am experiencing is having to do your job. Now that you're back, I should feel relieved," Helena snapped back.
"But I want to do my whole job, Helena," Irene said, opening the door to her office.
"Madam, perhaps you do need medication. Something that will stop your train of thought from going around in circles," Helena said.
"Helena, you came down here to inform me that I wasn't doing my job in the way that I usually do it. Is that true?" Irene asked.
Helena hesitated, but finally said yes.
"Well, we both know, Helena, that I never just assess your behavior. I help you deal with the consequence," Irene said, thinking this was the perfect segue.
"Yes, well if you will please just do what you do, the way you do it, and stop not doing it the way you usually do it," Helena said, confused by what the woman was talking about.
"Oh, I will, Helena. Not to worry. I'm glad we had this talk," Irene said as Helena stepped outside of her office.
"Well, I'm glad one of us is," Helena said, her head starting to hurt.
Irene watched as Helena walked down the hallway towards Myka's office. Irene smiled as she approached Sandy's desk.
"Is she okay?" Sandy asked.
"Oh yes, she's fine. Everything's back to normal. Or at least Helena's version of it," Irene assured the woman. "Now, if we can just keep her away from the shoes," Irene added and smiled at Sandy's confused expression.
Helena walked past Millie's desk, waving as the woman welcomed her back. Inside, the paralegal staff was gathered around Myka's conference table, giving her updates. Helena walked in, walked to the couch, and then noticed the group. Myka's eyes darted back and forth, until she realized Helena was there to stay.
"We can pick this up later, thanks," Myka said when the stare from the CEO made them scurry out. "Are you okay?" she asked Helena, who obviously wasn't.
"That woman exhausts me, Myka," Helena lamented, falling back onto the couch.