Hi! AGAIN! I'm in writing mood ATM and I'm not going to waste it. Lately it has been really hard for me to write, but I promised to get this one done. So if I feel like writing, I write. And I know this chapter is almost only about Clary's pregnancy, and trust me, I didn't plan this to happen. But I personally do like the chapter, at least I liked writing it! I love writing about someone's thoughts and feelings!

Disclaimer – I don't own the mortal instruments. It all belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Chapter 10

Clary POV

It has been almost three months since I left Jace and the girls. And I'd be lying if I said I was alright – I wasn't. Sure, feeling the baby grow inside of me was thrilling and I was more than happy to feel his or hers movements but at the same time I couldn't have been unhappier, the person I loved the most probably hated me more than anyone.

I had talked with Isabelle on the phone during last three months often, almost daily. She had kept her promise and helped Jace with the custody case, girls and probably everything else too. I had pleaded her not to talk about Jace to me, I didn't want to hear if he had found someone new, though I never was his girlfriend, not really. But I knew he hadn't found anyone, Isabelle had told me that despite my pleading.

"I will definitely blame your pregnant ass if I lost my suitcase." Isabelle muttered on the phone, she was at the airport in New York and I was in the car, trying to look for a parking spot. Finally a managed to park my car and walked into the terminal.

Jace's trial was in three days, it had been postponed for some reason I didn't know. But anyways, Isabelle had insisted that I'd go with her. She hadn't listened all the reasons why I shouldn't go. So I had promised to go with her. With the huge stomach. Jace was not an idiot. He'd figure it out, he'd know that I was pregnant with his child and he would hate me even more. I knew that would happen but still Isabelle had made me promise I'd go.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Come on, hurry up and find your suitcase. It's cold in here." I said to her. The waiting lobby was freezing, glass doors sliding open all the time and letting the snow in. It was snowing hard in New York and I hadn't put a winter coat on 'cause I thought it would be warm inside. Obviously I was wrong and regretting the decision.

"Oh here it is! Alright, I'll be there in five minutes!" She said and hung up. I wrapped my thick cardigan tighter around my grown stomach, trying to keep myself warm. I had never had problems with finding fitting clothes, until now. I was still short, like really short, and apparently all the other pregnant women in this country were not short. The cardigan I was wearing was way too big, but it didn't look that bad on me so I could wear it. I was lost in my thoughts and I didn't see Isabelle turning around the corner before she yelled:

"Clary! You're so big!" Oh, thank you my friend. That was the one thing I wanted to hear.

"Hi Iz, it's nice to see you too." I laughed, wrapping her into a tight hug. It was nice to see her again.

"Yeah you too, but come on! You didn't tell me you were this huge!" She said, staring at my stomach.

"And four months to go..." I muttered. I guess I looked so big 'cause I had been really small and any changes in my body looked bigger than they really were.

"Wow.." Isabelle said and finally looked at my face. "You look horrible. Have you slept at all?"

"Nope, this one keeps waking me up every night." I patted the bump. " Come on, let's go. It's cold in here."

We drove to my apartment and dragged her huge suitcase in. I lived in 6th floor and fortunately the building had an elevator.

"Wow this is so pretty!" Izzy said looking around. It was much smaller than her apartment in Miami, but it was big enough for me. My mom had tried to get me living with them but I had said I wanted to live on my own. It didn't feel like it though – my mom visited me about 5 times a week.

"Thanks." I said as I went to change into sweatpants and long sleeved t-shirt. Isabelle followed me into my bedroom and started to look through my closet.

"Clare dear, want to guess where we're going?" She asked turning to look at me. "Don't you touch those sweatpants, we're going right now." She said, taking the way more comfortable clothes from me and throwing them onto my bed.

I didn't even try to resist, it would have caused me only bruises. I sighed and followed her out of the apartment and into my car. This time she was driving, and I clutch the door handle as Isabelle sped through the city. Faster than we should have, we arrived to a giant mall and Isabelle parked the car. I knew complaining about anything Isabelle made me do, was pointless. She'd get her way, one way or another, so I tried to be positive. Isabelle had dragged me to the mall to shop apparently a smart casual outfit that would actually fit me. I had many pencil skirts and button-up shirts, but none of them fit me.

Izzy made me try at least five different dresses but none of them were "good enough" - I thought they were all nice. Finally she gave up on the dresses and started to choose pants and blazers. Half an hour later "we" chose black tight jeans that Isabelle found and that would actually fit me and grey chiffon sleeveless shirt that flowed down on my stomach. I had a plain black blazer at home, so that was all I had to buy.

We drove back to my apartment and talked for what felt like hours. I had missed Isabelle very much during the last two months, but even more I missed Jace and the girls. I could not describe how guilty I felt for just leaving them. I knew Jace hated me, I'd hate me too. I knew I had made the biggest mistake that I'd ever make, but what's done is done and there was nothing I could do to make Jace forgive me.

I knew I was being coward, a huge one, because I didn't tell Jace he was having another child. But that was going to change. In three days Jace was going to find out. And he'd hate me even more. But I'd take that risk, 'cause he had every right to know.

We talked about everything – about how this child was going to change my life, maybe hers too, how I was going to take care of everything, what would happen in three days, how Jace would react. Like she had promised, she hadn't told Jace anything. It would be a complete shock to him.

Isabelle said she'd be by my side, I knew my mother was more than excited to have a grandchild but I needed Jace to be with me. I know I met him less than a year ago but still I was head over heels falling for him. I decided I'd do everything I could to make him understand why I did what I did. At first I was hurt, 'cause Jace said he didn't want a kid, but then I understood how stupid I had been for getting angry. But when I realized that, it was too late for backing out. So I'd try to fix things between us.

Next two days went my impossible slow, but at the same time they couldn't have gone faster. I was stressing over how Jace would react and all that stuff, but the main reason why I was so stressed and nervous was the trial itself. What would happen to Valerie, Jennifer and Alexandra?

I woke up early on Friday morning – partly because of Isabelle who was already up and singing loudly in the shower. I sighed and rubbed my stomach gently, to say good morning to the baby. Isabelle walked into my bedroom wrapped in a white towel, her long black hair hanging against her back – leaving water drops on the way.

"Good morning sunshine!" She laughed after looking at me. "You should take a shower too. It helps you to wake up."

I just nodded and got up. Isabelle was right, I felt more awake after taking a shower. Isabelle put some make-up onto my face, blow dried my hair and let it hang on my back and shoulders. Her own hair she put up into a sleek bun – my hair would never stay like that for more than 2 minutes, it was so thick and curly. Isabelle had bought a black tight skirt that to my big surprise did end up on her knees. With that she was wearing a burgundy red chiffon shirt and – of course – ridiculously high high heels. High heels were never my favourite shoes, I always preferred flats and with this stomach there was no way anyone could've forced me into high heels. So I put on my black flats and went to eat something.

Isabelle was already sitting on the counter, sipping her coffee.

"Ohhh, that smells so good." I said and got really close to Isabelle's mug.

She laughed and patted my head. "Too bad this is off-limits for you." I sighed and grabbed an apple.

"I just don't get it. First, the baby keeps waking you up and then you can't even have caffeine."

Finally we were in my car, driving towards the courthouse. I was so nervous I couldn't sit still so Isabelle had made me sit on the passenger seat, but I didn't mind. All I could think was that in an hour Jace would be very aware of, umm, the situation.

Isabelle parked the car and almost dragged me inside the building – we were already a little bit late. Silently we slipped inside the courtroom Jace and the girls were – the trial had already begun. We sat down on the nearest free row and took off our coats.

Jace's lawyer was talking to Melissa, his back to us. I didn't really know what was going on at that moment, but Melissa didn't look happy. It gave me hope.

About half an hour later the judge informed that the trial would be continuing in fifteen minutes. Break time. I looked with panicked look on my face at Isabelle who nudget her head towards Jace and the girls. When I shook my head she pulled my arm and dragged me to see them.

"Hi Jace, how are things going. Sorry we're a bit late." Isabelle said, Jace was still his back to us, talking to Valerie.

"Hey, Izzy. Who's "w-." He didn't have time to end the sentence as he turned around to face us. His gaze froze on me and he just stared.

"Clary." He whispered. Valerie rushed to me and hugged me tightly, pulled away quickly and pointed at my stomach.

"Is there a baby?" She asked, looking up to my face again. I nodded quickly but kept my eyes on Jace. His gaze was glued to my stomach, and his face had gone all white. He opened his mouth many times to say something but closed it everytime. Five minutes later it was getting uncomfortable, and I was getting restless. More restless than before.

"Jace?" I asked carefully, not wanting to shock him any more. He just shook his head, but moved his eyes to my face.

"Jace say something, you're scaring me." I tried again. He swallowed and looked quickly at my stomach again before saying:

"I- is, umm.. "

"Yes, Jace, it's yours." Isabelle said impatiently. Jace didn't even look at her, just kept staring at me. I ignored Izzy as well and answered him myself:

"Yes, this baby is yours. I am so sorry – for not telling you, for leaving, for everything. I just need to talk to you ab-" I was interrupted by the judge who said it was time to continue the case. I looked back at Jace who was frozen on his feet.

"We can talk after this. Okay? Jace?" I said quickly. He blinked few times and looked quickly behind his back and back to me, nodding and turning to walk back to the front. I sat down as well with Isabelle – next Melissa's lawyer wanted to hear Jace. Jace vowed to tell the truth and nothing but the truth – you know, the usual.

At some point I noticed my legs were bouncing up and down, I was chewing my nails and gripping the edge of the bench with my other hand. Nervous? Pfft, why would you think that. To someone as unversed as me the whole trial was very confusing – I did not have a clue at some point who was "winning", and Isabelle was no help. She'd always 'shh' – me when I tried to ask what was going on.

Finally, after what felt like five hours, the Judge announced that we'd have a short break and after that he would announce the outcome. Or whatever he called it. Jace didn't stand up, just lifted his daughters onto his lap and hugged them tightly, whispering into their ears. All three of them hugged him as tightly back and they stayed like that rest of the break. And I didn't want to go and interrupt them so I stayed whit Izzy, tried to listen what Isabelle was saying. Apparently she was informing me of the situation but I couldn't bring myself to listen – all I could think about was the conversation Jace and I would have after all this.

The Judge walked back in and sat down in his "booth" and I forced myself to focus again. The Judge announced that Jace gets the full custody, but Melissa has the right to meet her daughters. They'd be living with Jace, and could only visit Melissa. After everything was set, Jace stood up and went to thank the Judge before carefully walking to Melissa, offering his hand. I could almost hear Melissa sigh, she shook her head lightly and pulled Jace into a light hug. While they talked Isabelle and I walked to the girls and I kneeled in front of them and pulled them into a big hug – all of them hugging me back.

"I missed you. So much." I whispered to them. They nodded and said they had missed me too. At the same time it warmed and broke my heart a bit. My leaving had an affect on them, too. Of course it had. They had learned to trust me, and just like that I had just leaved. But they weren't mad. No. They were happy to see me again. I guess that's the best thing about kids – they don't hold a grudge. At least not for long.

"So how's school? Have you done your homework well?" I asked.

They started to tell me about their time without me at the same time, all I could do was laugh a little and try to keep up with their bubbling. Apparently the school was going well, as well their hobbies. Isabelle had kept her promise and had spent a lot of time with the girls.

"Daddy's been really sad though. We know it's because you don't live with us anymore. One time I saw him sitting on your bed, looking at some your painting. I think he was crying." Jennifer said to me, Valerie and Alexandra nodding. I looked at Isabelle who was standing behind me, and she was looking at me pityingly. I had to do everything I could to not cry.

"Yeah, I have been really sad too." I told them quietly.

"Clary?" I heard Jace saying my name. I stood up and turned around to look at him.

"Girls, why don't we go and see if there's some ice-cream somewhere?" Isabelle said and took Valerie's hand, motioning for Jennifer and Alexandra to follow. Jace watched them go before looking back at me.

"I think we have a lot to talk about." He said tightly. All I could do was nod. His tone wasn't a very good sign. He nodded me to follow him, leading us out of the courtroom. He sat down on a bench and I sat carefully next to him, making sure there was space between us. He motioned me to start talking.

Jace POV

Clary looked good. Different, but still good. My thoughts had gone blank the second Clary told that I was the reason Clary looked like that. Like a pregnant woman. Her hair was still the same red curly mane that it was before, she was still as short as a fairy, her face was still the same it was months ago – the face I had missed every single day after she left. But her body otherwise was nothing like it was before. She was dressed into black tight jeans, flowy shirt that flowed down her grown stomach and a black blazer. It was the very visible stomach that had shocked me more than seeing her after a long time.

I watched her taking few deep breaths, making small nervous movements with her hand, like playing with the hem of her shirt. I knew that she was nervous. I had lived with her, after all, for over six months. I didn't want to admit that I was in love with her, didn't want to get my hopes up for nothing. Above all I was mad at her. Mad for not telling me, mad for leaving me, leaving us. And I wanted to know the reasons why she did what she did.

"I know you probably hate me. I'd hate me too" She said quietly, cautiously looking at me. I didn't say it, but I didn't hate her. I was just very confused and disappointed. She took wrong my silence and paled even more, forcing herself to carry on.

"So anyways, I guess you want to know what the fuck is going on with this?" Clary motioned at her belly and I nodded.

"Okay, please don't interrupt me. I'm going to tell you the whole story." She didn't stop to look at me, she was looking at her shoes, drawing small circles with them.

"You remember the time we had... Uhh... The time we had sex?" She looked at me, I nodded keeping my face straight. How could I forget?

"It was just after I had stopped eating my birth-control pills. My doctor had said my migraines were probably because of them so she recommended to stop eating them. And I'm sorry, I know it's my fault that this happened. ' she touched gently at her stomach, smiling slightly though. I knew she was happy , no matter what she was saying, I could see it. ' But anyways, I didn't remember it then, and didn't think about it for almost two months. But suddenly one day I just froze. I realized that my period was over two months late and I freaked out. I don't know if you noticed.

I did a pregnancy test with Isabelle. Yes, I ran into her at the pharmacy store. And it said I was pregnant like I was fearing. I broke down on the bathroom floor, panicking how you would react, how the hell I was going to make it through everything. So, if you remember the time I was asking you about your opinion of having more kids. Yeah, that was the time I was trying to tell you. But your answer stopped me. No, no I'm not blaming you for any of this. I made the decisions, not you. And that's why I understand if you hate me. So, anyways, do you remember what you answered to my question?' I shook my head, no, I had no idea what she was talking about. She sighed and looked down again. ' Okay, I asked you if you wanted more kids and you said that if anyone came to you and said you were going to be a father again, you'd tell them to fuck off and go find someone else for that job.'

I could feel my face pale. No, I couldn't have said that. But I did actually remember the time we were talking about it. Shit. That was not how I really thought, not really. I knew she noticed my pale face and lifted her hand to touch my hand but pulled it away.

'Jace, like I said, I'm not blaming you, not anybody. If I blamed someone, it should be myself. I was the one who didn't remember to tell you I wasn't on pill anymore. But anyways. I was scared and yes, I was hurt at first. I didn't want this child to ever think that their father didn't want them. But I know now you were speaking in general, hell, I would have said too I didn't want kids. But that's little too late now, isn't t? So I packed my things, already regretting my decision and seeing you at the airport almost killed me. I have not felt anything near that painful in my life before, I saw your face when I said I didn't want you anymore – you and the girls. It was that close I didn't jump on you and pleaded you to forgive me. I still can do that, you know. I thought I was doing the right thing, for not telling you, for leaving, so you could focus on the trial. But I guess that didn't work. I think this was the stupidest thing I've ever done and will do. So please, please believe me when I say that I'm so sorry. For everything. For letting you down, for leaving, for not telling you. For everything." She rambled, tears in her eyes. I could see she was holding them back.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. If you just have told me. If you had just told me that you are carrying my child, it would have been completely different. Of course I want to raise this kid with you, no second thoughts. But Clary, you broke my heart. It hurt somehow more than last time, I thought I was never going to see you again. You just left. Can you imagine how confused and sad the girls were, just when they had found someone who could somehow replace their mother?

And do you understand how hurt I was, still am. It hurts even now to look at you. I hated you for what you did at first, but after few weeks all I could feel was overwhelming sadness. And I hate to admit this to you, but we need to clean up the tables if we're going to start over or something. But I've spent many hours sitting on the bed you slept in, holding the only thing I had that reminded me of you – the painting you painted to me.

I'm not trying to make you feel more guilty than you already do, but I need you to know that you did hurt me – really badly. And that's not something I'm getting over in seconds." Her tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks, her eyes glued to the ground. She didn't dare to look at me and maybe it was a good thing. I needed to say this. And seeing her cry made it so much harder.

"But Clary, I'm not throwing this-" I motioned between me and her. "away. No. I still care about you deeply, hell, maybe even love." I smiled a bit as her head snapped up, red buddy eyes drifting to my eyes.

"W-what?" Was all she could say. I let out a small laugh, gently taking her small hand in mine. She gripped it like a lifeline.

"You heard me." I said, looking into her eyes. It was full of disbelief.

"You still like me?" She whispered, tears making their way into her eyes again. One flowed down on her cheek and I wiped it away gently. I know I should have been much angrier with her but I just wasn't. Maybe there was no anger left for me – I had spent it all on Melissa. And I knew Clary was different, I could feel it. If I had met Clary when we were younger and all this had happened back then, I knew I couldn't have been able to forgive her just like that. And I still wasn't. Clary wasn't completely forgiven but we were getting there. I just knew I couldn't lose her again. So the only reasonable option was to forgive her. It would take time, but I knew this was all worth it.

"Like? No. I'm crazy for you, Clary. Mad and little bit disappointed at the moment, but I really have fallen for you." I smiled a little. I knew everyone expected me to be really pissed at her but I wasn't. Like Clary had said, she thought I didn't want to be the father for her child and she left. But now all the misunderstandings were corrected, at least I think so.

Suddenly I was pulled up and into her embrace. Her grown stomach between us, I carefully hugged her back. Little by little I dared to pull her harder to me, burying my face into her hair, breathing in the scent I have missed. Everything about her screamed home to me. With her I was home. She was my home. And we'd figure all this out, one way or another. But right now, all I could do was hug her tight and vow to never let her go again.

"I know it's a little risky for me to ask this – but how come you're not more pissed at me than you are? I expected much more angry Jace." She asked quietly, pressing her head against my chest, slightly tightening her grip on me.

"I actually don't know. Maybe there's no anger left in or for me. I've been so angry with Melissa and this whole situation, and I've realised that doesn't solve anything. And I've missed you so much that I don't want to waste time on being mad at you. 'Cause I know in the end I'll forgive you completely. So I rather spend time with you, happy." I said, stroking her face gently. I cupped her cheeks, looking her in the eyes and slowly leaned forward until our lips were connected after too long time. It was a gentle kiss, not too deep. I pulled back and looked at Clary again. She still had her eyes closed but she was smiling the smile I loved the most.

"Well, I promise to make this all up to you. And the girls. I'll do whatever it takes to get you trust me again. Completely." She said firmly, her green eyes all serious. I nodded, knowing she was being serious. We stayed like that, in each others arms, for a while before a quote came to my mind.

"Forgiveness is the final form of love." I whispered knowing she heard me.

"Huh?" She asked, looking up at me.

"It's a quote that came to my mind. I can't remember who said it, but I think it suits perfectly, don't you think?" I said. It was her turn to nod and smile at me.

Clary POV

"Clary! Jace! Here you are, we've looked for you everywhere!" Isabelle yelled at the end of the corridor.

"Daddy!" Alexandra cheered and ran to her father who catched her easily and lifted her up.

"Hey, Lex." Jace smiled at his daughter, kissing her forehead. The scene made my heart melt, he was too good to me. But like I said, I'd do everything that was in my hands to make up this.

Jennifer and Valerie walked with Isabelle to us, Izzy eyes between me and Jace, then looking at me asking a silent question. I nodded my head quickly, smiling widely. Isabelle pulled me into a tight hug and nudged Jace's shoulder.

"Finally. I was this close to lose my mind with you two. Both of you obviously suffering and this stubborn redhead here kept trying to convince me that she was "doing the right thing". I can tell you, Clary, this was the stupidest thing you'll ever do. If naming your daughter Agnes or Muriel doesn't count. Yes, Jace, she has been reading 'old baby names' -book and I can tell you, those two aren't even the worst. Let me tell you some of the mo-" Isabelle rambled but Jace wasn't looking at her, he was looking at me smiling brightly.

"What?" I asked, interrupting Isabelle who glared at me.

"It's a girl?" He asked, touching my stomach for the first time. I shrugged.

"I don't know, I didn't want to know last time I went to see my doctor." Jace just nodded, still smiling.

We all agreed to go to my place, to get something to eat. Isabelle insisted riding with me in my car to get informed all the details, so Jace and the girls drove behind us to my apartment.

"So he just forgives you? Just like that?" Isabelle asked mouth hanging.

"No, not 'just like that'. No. Of course he's pissed at me, but he said he's not angry. Not really." I said still not believing myself either.

"Wow, he has become such a softy." Iz smiled. "And that's only a good thing."

Isabelle told me stories about their childhood – Jace had been a real pain in the ass. I laughed as I parked my car, killing the engine. Jace pulled his black shiny car next to mine and got out, helping the girls to get out of the car aswell. We took the elevator up to my floor and I let them into my apartment before closing the door behind me.

I walked into my smallish kitchen and opened the fridge only to find it empty.

"Umm, we have a little problem. The fridge's empty. So I need to go to get something. But you can make yourselves comfortable while I go to a nearby grocery store." I said as I went into my room to change into something more comfortable. I decided to put on dark gray sweatpants and a black long-sleeved shirt. My hair I pulled up into a messy bun but didn't bother to wash my face. When I went to pull on my winter coat and shoes, I found Jace leaning against the door, playing with my keys.

"You're coming with me?" I asked, smiling as I reached for my scarf. He nodded and opened the door for me.

"Izzy's staying here with the girls." He said.

"Alright, let's go." I walked out of my apartment, turning on the light on the hallway. Jace closed the door behind him and stood next to me, waiting for the elevator. He sneaked his hand into mine, holding it loosely.

"Is this alright?" He asked, looking me with those golden eyes that I loved.

"I think it's me that should be asking that." I laughed. "But yes, of course it's okay. But I still think it's so weird that you're not that mad at me." I said. He nodded but didn't say anything for a while.

"I know. I know people expect me to be more angry and stuff, but I'm just not. Maybe that comes later? Right now I'm just mostly relieved that I've gotten you back and that I know why you left, and believe me – I understand your reasons." He said as we walked out of the elevator – still hand in hand.

"And I'm more than happy to hear that. I've been stressing so much over this," I touched my stomach "and how you would react to this. If you in general wanted to speak to me or see me." I said, tightening my hold on his hand as we walked in the cold winter air.

Jace stopped me and turned so he was standing in front of me. He held his other hand in mine, but his other hand he put on my stomach, gently stroking it. He looked at me with his piercing golden eyes and leaned closer, putting his lips on mine. But too soon he pulled away, his hand still on my stomach.

"Clary. I'm not going to say this anymore. You have to believe me already. I'm not mad at you, okay a little pissed but who cares. And I'm not going to let you go either anymore. This- " he meant the baby. "is part of me now, you wanted it or not. And what's more important, it's part of you. And anything that has something to do with you genes has a permanent place in my heart. End of story." He said and continued walking as if he hadn't said anything.

I stared at him, eyes widened. Then I broke into a huge smile and gripped Jace's hand with both of mine and we kept on walking like that.

Hello! I hope you liked the chapter, though it was (again) very fluffy! I love writing about that, fluff, I mean. But yes, I'll try to write the next chapters as soon as I can. I'm working from 8 a.m to 4 p.m everyday and I'm exhausted when I get home so usually I don't have the energy to write. But for some reason, I do have it now. And I hope it's not going to just disappear!

But until next time, take care of yourself and enjoy the autumn!

With love /justbeautifulme33