SPENCER'S P.O.V
"Nice room"
"It's okay"
I watch her as she leans down grabbing two beers out of the bar fridge.
"Here"
I grab the beer out of her hand as she sits down on the bed.
"Thanks"
I sit down opposite her on the other bed.
"Why did you get a room with two beds?"
"It's all they had"
I have no idea where to start.
"I'm sorry Zara and I interrupted... that"
She's staring at me.
"You didn't interrupt anything"
I'm pretty sure I did.
"We were just talking"
"Either way Ashley i'm sorry"
I take a sip of my beer.
"Spencer just say what you came here to say"
I look up so my eyes are locked on hers.
"Ashley I want us to be friends"
"Friends?"
"Yer can we just forget about the sex for a second?"
"Spencer why are you letting the sex be such a big deal?"
"I don't mean to"
"I thought we agreed that sex is just sex?"
"It is"
I need to figure out how to say what I want to say.
"Ashley the sex isn't what made me freak out"
"Okay"
"I ummm"
I look down at the floor.
"Sorry I..."
I'm nervous.
"I'm trying to figure out the best way to explain this"
"Spencer I don't want you to tell me anything that you're not comfortable talking about"
"I know Ashley but I owe you an explanation"
I should have drunk more.
"Do you remember how we were watching 'No Strings Attached' and you made that comment about romantic movies?"
"Not really"
"Ashley you thought it was strange that someone like me would like romantic comedies"
"That sounds like something I would say"
When I look up she's still staring.
"Well I was a real daddy's girl growing up"
I don't know what it is about Ashley but I trust her.
"My dad was a real hopeless romantic so he used to make me sit down and watch cheesy romantic movies with him"
"That's cute"
"I didn't think so at the time"
She's smiling.
"But now I watch them all the time because it reminds me off him"
I'm pretty sure she knows what i'm going to say before I say it.
"He died a couple of months after my seventeenth birthday"
"Spencer i'm sorry"
There's a long pause before I say anything.
"When he died I was on my own"
I start playing with my beer bottle because I know if I look at her i'll cry.
"What about your mum?"
"She hasn't spoken to me since she found out I was gay"
I haven't talked about any of this in a really long time.
"I knew for sure I was gay my sophmore year of high school but I never said anything"
I knew how my mum would react.
"My mum's incredibly religious so I knew not to tell her"
She hates gay people.
"But then one day I was fooling around with some girl and Glen walked in"
I really can't stand him.
"I pleaded with him not to say anything but he called me disgusting and then went off and told my mum everything"
"Why would he do that?"
"He used to suck up to my mum all the time and whenever he had a chance to rat me out he would"
Glen and I never really got along.
"He told my mum everything and when she got home from work that night she let me know exaclty what she thought about my choices"
She was horrible.
"She wouldn't listen when I tried to explain and then she told me to pack my shit and leave so I did"
I'll never forget that day.
"Spencer i'm sorry"
"Ashley I don't want you to feel sorry for me"
I watch her as she moves so she's sitting next to me.
"Look at me"
I move so i'm facing her.
"I want to be your friend as well Spencer and I know us having sex has complicated the process"
It wouldn't have complicated anything if I didn't make it bigger deal than it was.
"But there's something about you that makes it impossible for me to walk away"
"I..."
"And Spencer before you freak out and remind me that you don't do relationships i'm going to tell you the exact same thing"
She's good.
"I don't want a relationship Spencer"
"Good"
"Now are you going to finish the story or is that all I get?"
When she says that I start laughing.
"I've never told any of this to anyone but Zara before"
"You can trust me Spencer"
"Ashley promise me you won't feel sorry for me"
"I promise"
I don't want her to change the way she is around me because she knows about all the fucked up shit that's happened in my life.
"Okay"
She's smiling.
"When I was fifteen my parents divorced when my dad caught my mum with another guy"
My dad was one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet so I'll never understood why she cheated on him.
"But he let her keep the family home and I had no choice but to stay with her"
I wanted to go with him.
But he was staying in a one bedroom apartment and there wasn't any room.
"I used to spend most of my time at me dads place anyway so when she kicked me out that's where I went"
I had nowhere else to go.
"It was really late when I got to his apartment and when he asked me what was wrong I told him I was fighting with Glen"
I knew if I told him what really happened he'd worry.
"At this point he'd already been sick for nine months and noone knew how long he had left"
"What was wrong with him?"
"He had prostate cancer and by the time they found out it was too late"
"I'm sorry"
I force a smile so she knows i'm okay.
"I stayed on his couch for six months until he died"
I can't figure out what she's thinking.
"I never told him what really happened"
He was really sick and the last thing he needed to worry about was me.
"Anyway when he died Zara's family let me stay at their place"
I don't know what I would have done without Zara.
"She was my best friend and I don't know what I would have done without her"
Zara's like a sister to me.
"My mum never tried to fix things"
I never tried either.
"She completely disowned me and went on living her life like I didn't exist"
I hardly saw her after she kicked me out.
"When he died she didn't check to see if I was okay and at his funeral it was like I wasn't there"
She's the reason I never went to his wake.
"I was in my senior year when he died so I just threw myself into my studies"
My dad always wanted me to finish school and get into a good college.
So when he died I focused on school and graduated six months later.
"I had pretty good grades so when college acception letters came through I had plenty of choices"
Zara wanted to go to NYU and I wanted to move as far away from LA as I could so I went to NYU.
"Zara wanted to study in New York and I wanted to move as far away as I could so we both enrolled at NYU"
It worked out really well.
"I had no money but when I turned eighteen my dads inheritance came through"
He left half of his estate to me.
"He was a doctor and he owned his own practice so he left a fair bit of money behind"
I don't know how I would have survived without my inheritance.
"That's how I bought the bar and that's how I put myself through college"
"Spencer I don't know what to say?"
"Ashley you don't need to say anything"
I really don't want her to feel sorry for me.
"Did you ever tell your dad you were gay?"
"Yer he knew for months before Glen and Mum found out"
Besides Zara he was the only one I felt comfortable telling.
"I didn't want him to die thinking I was someone I wasn't so I told him"
She's smiling.
"Look Ashley I want us to be friends and I want things to go back to the way they were before I went all weird on you"
"I want that to"
"I'm sorry I was a bitch"
"Spencer it's fine"
"No it's not I made you feel like you had to move out"
"I had to eventually find my own place anyway"
She's just being nice.
"Ashley can you please just tell me I was a bitch?"
She's laughing.
"Okay fine you were a bitch"
That's better.
"Ashley I keep people at a distance so I don't get hurt"
"I'm not going to hurt you Spencer"
"I don't mean you I mean in general"
It's just easier to keep people at a distance.
"If I let people get too close they'll realise how fucked up I really am and leave"
"Spencer you're not fucked up"
"You're joking right?"
"No you're not the one who's fucked up"
She's just being nice.
"Your mum and your brother are the ones with the issues"
"Look Ashley I overreacted the other night and i'm sorry"
She shouldn't have to put up with that shit.
"I just hadn't seen him in a really long time and when he walked into the bar he brought back all these memories i'd been trying to forget"
"Spencer I'm sorry I didn't let you explain"
"Ashley you had every right to react the way you did"
I was being annoying.
"I was trying to explain without actually explaining and that wasn't fair"
"You were incredibly frustrating"
"Frustration's one of my many qualities"
She's laughing.
"You didn't have to tell me all that Spencer"
"I know but bottling it all ups clearly not working"
Now i'm laughing.
"I like hanging around with you Ashley and I know that sounds really cheesy but I'd really like it if you stopped avoiding me"
She's smiling.
"I haven't been avoiding you"
"Ashley you moved out without saying anything and then you vanished for a week'
"I was busy"
When she says that I raise my eyebrows.
"Okay I was avoiding you"
"Is there any chance you'll stop doing that now?"
"I can't really afford to keep avoiding you Spencer I don't have any friends in New York"
"So you're using me?"
"Yer is that going to be a problem?"
"No I can live with that"
Now that's sorted I can focus on our next problem.
"I'm not lying when I say I didn't freak out about the sex"
She looks confused.
"Ashley I have sex all the time and I'm quite capable of participating in sex without it meaning something"
She's smiling.
"Look I just never know if a girls saying what she means or what she thinks I want to hear"
I can never be sure.
"So when I have someone like you showing an interest in my past and trying to fuck me at the same time it's a little strange"
"Spencer I ask about your life because I want to get to know you and I try to have sex with you because your hot and I really love having sex"
Now i'm smiling.
"Ashley I'm not used to being with someone like me"
"When you say someone like you do you mean someone who doesn't commit to a relationship?"
"Yer look can we just forget my temporary insanity and go back to the way things were?"
"Yer"
I was really hoping she'd say that.
"Spencer what were you expecting when you came after me?"
"I thought you'd tell me to fuck off"
"I considered it"
"Well Ashley i'm pretty glad you didn't"
"There's still a chance it could happen"
That would suck.
"So what was your plan if I let you explain?"
"I wanted to apologise"
"You did that"
"I wanted to explain why I was such a bitch to Glen"
"You covered that"
"I wanted to convince you that I could have sex with you and not be all weird about it"
"Ohhhh"
"Really Ashley have I not convinced you yet?"
"I don't know Spencer"
"Come on Ashley i'm not usually an emo Glen just brings out the worst in me"
"So you're asking me to start eating your pussy again?"
That's so gross.
"That's exactly what i'm asking you to do"
"I don't know Spencer i'm kind of tired"
This is what I did to her last week.
"Okay when your not so tired let me know"
I hop up and start walking to the door.
"Spencer?"
"Yer?"
"I'm not so tired anymore"
I was hoping she'd say that.
"Which bed do you want to use?"
She starts laughing as I walk back over to where she's sitting.
"Spencer you can decide"
I gently nudge her so she's lying on the bed.
"This one will do"
"Spencer I don't do sleepovers"
She's such a smart ass.
"Good 'cause I don't like them either"
"I like having the whole bed to myself"
"Ashley trust me i'm the same"
We're definately on the same page.
"Don't worry Ashley I'll leave when we're done"
I quickly pull my shirt up and over my head.
"Good 'cause i've got another girl coming around tommorow morning and it would be really awkward if you're still here"
I start laughing as she gets rid of her shirt.
"That would be pretty awkward"
I quickly get rid of my pants.
"Spencer do you work out?"
"I run and I have sex alot"
She's grinning.
"Well whatever you're doing is working"
"Ashley you better rock my world"
"Spencer have I let you down yet?"
I start laughing when she sits up and pulls me so i'm lying on top of her.
"Thanks for explaining everything"
I quickly slip my fingers into her pants.
"Thanks for listening"