SPENCER'S P.O.V

How did I fuck everything up so much?

I hate this.

I hate that Ashley hates me and I really hate that Kyla's annoyed at me.

"Can I come in?"

Usually I'd just walk in.

But I don't think that would go down so well right now.

"Kyla please?"

When she pulls the door back I step inside.

"Hey"

"Hi"

I watch her as she walks over to the bed and starts sorting her clothes.

"So i'm guessing Ashley told you what happened?"

"Spencer it's probably best we don't talk about this?"

The last thing I want is for Kyla to be stuck in the middle.

"I want to explain"

"I know what happened Spencer so you really don't need to explain"

"Come on Ky you know me"

I feel horrible.

"Spence if we talk about this it's just going to cause problems between us"

I'm just going to start explaining and hopefully she doesn't tell me to fuck off.

"I went by Ashley's hotel room this morning"

When I say that she stops what she's doing and turns so she's facing me.

"Why?"

"I fucked up last night and I wanted to explain"

"Explain what?"

Once I tell Kyla there's no turning back.

"Ky I wanted her to know I felt the same way"

Now she's smiling.

"But I was too late and she'd already checked out"

I should of gone after her last night.

"Spencer I dropped her at the airport this morning"

When she says that my heart sinks.

"She left?"

"Yer as we speak she's on her way back to LA"

"I guess that's it then"

I blew it.

"Spencer you can still fix this"

"She's on the other side of the country"

"So book a flight to LA"

"Ky I can't go there"

LA represents a part of my life I've been trying to forget.

"Why?"

"I... I ummm"

I told myself I wouldn't hide from my past anymore

So i'm going to stop hiding.

"Growing up I was always closer to my dad than I was my mum"

I've never really told her about my past.

"Anyway when I was fifteen my mum cheated and my dad filed for divorced"

When I think about my dad's final years I feel horrible.

His wife cheated on him and then he found out he was dying.

"I wanted to live with my dad but my mum somehow got to keep the family home and I had no choice but to stay with her"

I was miserable for months before my mum kicked me out.

"Ky I knew for sure I was gay my sophmore year of high school but I never said anything"

If I had my time again and I knew what I knew now I'd do things differently.

"My mum's incredibly religious and I knew how she felt about homosexuality"

I hate the word homosexuality.

"I actually wasn't going to tell anyone but then my dad got really sick"

"What was wrong with him?"

"He had prostate cancer but he didn't find out until it was too late"

I miss my dad everyday.

"Anyway one day I had this girl in my room and my brother walked in"

Everytime I tell this story I hate Glen even more.

"I asked him not to say anything but he ran off and told my mum straight away"

"Why would he do that?"

"He's an ass and he used to love ratting me out"

I hate him.

"Anyway when my mum came home she thought I was disgusting and kicked me out"

"Spencer I'm so sorry"

"It's fine it meant I got to spend more time with my dad before he died"

She's smiling.

"Look Ky I haven't spoken to my mum since she kicked me out, she completely cut me off and when my dad died she didn't even check to see if I was okay"

My mum's a fucking bitch.

"And up until two weeks ago I hadn't seen or spoken to my mum or my brother since I left LA"

"Spencer I had no idea"

"It's a part of my life that i've been trying to forget"

"So why are you telling me now?"

"I guess I just want you to understand why I act the way I do"

"Spencer I'm sorry you had to go through all that"

I don't want her to feel sorry for me.

"Kyla I should of openned up and told you about my life ages ago, but I didn't want you to look at me differently"

It's hard for people to not look at you differently when you tell them all the fucked up shit that's happened in your life.

"I've been hiding from all my issues Ky and if it hadn't of been for Ashley I'd still be hiding"

"So this is what she meant when she said you told her things you didn't want anyone to know?"

"Yer"

I can't help but wonder what else Ashley told her

"Kyla I don't know what it is about her but she drives me crazy"

She's grinning.

"And I hate that it took a big speech from Zara to make me realise that I want what she wants"

I wish Zara hadn't of given me the whole you like Ashley speech a couple of days ago.

"But I've fucked everything up now and she's probably sitting on that plane hating me"

"She doesn't hate you"

How can she not hate me?

"Ky the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her"

"I know"

"I was scared and I'd convinced myself that it was easier to push her away then tell her how I really feel"

"You need to tell her Spencer"

"How am I going to do that Ky I can't go back there?"

"It's a big city Spencer"

It's not big enough.

"How about we all go together"

"Kyla I can't"

"Why not?"

"I have the bar"

"So what we'll put a big closed for renovations sign on the door"

"I can't"

"Spencer you can you just won't"

She sounds like Zara.

"Kyla do you really think she'll want to hear what I have to say she was pretty mad?"

"Spencer she runs her mouth when she's upset and usually she doesn't mean half the shit she's said"

"She told me she can get over me just as quickly as she got into me"

I'm glad Kyla finds that amusing.

"That's pretty harsh"

"Thanks captain obvious"

"Spencer she didn't mean it"

"She sounded like she meant it"

I pushed her too far.

"I'm going to LA Spencer and you're coming"

There's a long pause before I say anything.

"Okay"

I start laughing when she runs out of the room.

"ZARA WE'RE GOING TO LA AND YOU'RE COMING WITH US"