{Author's notes}
Sorry dudes and dudettes, this one was late because of my family plans over the last two weeks of 2014.
So as an apology, it's time for some fanservice!
Now Christmas is also a time for those sick freaks to dress up in more kinky outfits…
So… while I as a moderately respectful human being in public (While being a cold hearted, high functioning sociopath when I' am alone.)
It's time to imagine one of the hottest characters in RWBY dressed in a kinky santa suit for your sick perverted pleasures.
Showing off their bod in nothing but text since the actual image would be to smexy for the mortal minds…
Ladies and Gentlemen…
I give you LIE REN IN A SEXY SANTA SUIT!
Ren: (Shivering because he is cold) … I loathe you.
Oh don't be like that Ren. You're smoking hot!
Ren: Why in Dust is it 43 degrees in here!?
Here? Where? This is the author notes, degrees don't exist here.
Ren: I. Will. Kill. You.
What's that Ren? You want to show off your bod to the rest of your friends?
Ren: Do it, and I will bring down a wrath like no—
HEY TEAM JNPR, RWBY, CVFY, AND SSSN! CHECK REN OUT!
All girls: WHOO! LOOKING HOT, REN!
Yang: Have we been Naughty or Nice?!
All Guys: *Struggling from laughter.*
Jaune: Y-you look go—oh dust I can't even say it!
Ren: … PG-13, you have made a mistake that you forever will regret.
*Checks previous works and scrapped ideas.* Dude… get in line…
Nora: NOW STRIP!
Alright they're all going to cross another line I don't want to be a part of. Now back to the story! I wonder if things have finally settled down for our heroes?
Jaune dyed Weiss' hair pink.
Let's let that idea sink in for a second before moving on.
When we last left the somewhat main character of this story, Jaune Arc, he finally had the lovely Weiss Schnee fall for him.
Literally.
She literally fell unconscious in his arms.
This will probably also be the only time a girl will fall for him. (To him anyway.)
Meanwhile, Pyrrha could not understand this odd sense of disappointment and frustration as she ran the halls.
Now that we have returned to recent events, we find out what has happened since then.
OK, long story short:
Jaune had dyed Weiss' hair pink.
…
…
Fine, I'll tell you the long version.
You see Jaune had originally meant to bring the heiress to the medical room in Beacon. (Or one of them since Ozpin had some prophetic insight to place several of them across the school.) But since he had sneezed on her head—I mean err…
For some reason Weiss' hair was stick and dirty out of nowhere! (Jaune owes me big time for this.) And it smelled real bad too! There may have been a chance it could have been infectious!
Therefore, out of the goodness of his heart, Jaune shadily dragged Weiss's unconscious and vulnerable body to the male's bathroom were no one could disturb them.
… Restrain your imaginations readers! (Especially you, JauneXWeiss fans… *Wags finger*)
Gathering things quickly from his team room's dorm, Jaune quickly went back to find Weiss still unconscious and starting to smell. He quickly removed her tie and started washing her hair with his experience from being forced to help with his sisters' hairs.
However, to the knight's misfortune, he had accidentally taken Nora's secret stash of pink hair dye cleverly disguised as shampoo that she secretly planned to use for Ren that very day.
So after rinsing was done, he was horrified to find out the top of Weiss hair was now a bright magenta color. Her hair now looked like those snow cones with cherry frosting on top!
I guess from Ice Queen, she can now be Ice Cream!
*Cricket noises*
Oh screw you, puns are funny.
"Oh my dust, Weiss is going to kill me when she wakes up now!" Jaune panicked as he stated the naked truth. Thankfully, the heiress was still out cold for some reason.
Realizing he couldn't just stay there and just hope for a Dues Ex Machina, Jaune then dragged Weiss out of the bathroom.
"Mr. Arc, what are you doing?"
Jaune paled. Slowly he turned his head towards the familiar voice to see Headmaster Ozpin holding his infamously infinite coffee mug and raising his brow at the curious sight of Jaune Arc with Weiss Schnee slung over his shoulder unconscious and her hair dyed magenta.
"Mr. Arc, pray tell me as to why Ms. Schnee is slung over your shoulder unconscious with her hair partially dyed magenta?" Ozpin asked the young male who seemed to becoming as pale as Weiss's previous hair color.
"H-headmaster!" Jaune answered back in fright, his heart about to jump out of his mouth and run away also screaming like a little girl. However, he had to answer him otherwise… who knew what could happen? But how could he even answer someone as wise and enigmatic as headmaster Ozpin?
"T-this… this isn't Weiss!"
Even I can't make that sound remotely smart.
Ozpin blinked. "That is not Ms. Schnee? … Even though the girl is clearly wearing her uniform and has the same exact skin tone as Ms. Schnee?"
Well maybe if his lie to Weiss worked (it also knocked her out cold and essentially caused this situation—but hey) then he could come up with a lie that would trick Ozpin!
… *Facepalm*
Not even realizing the faulty logic of his own thoughts, Jaune attempted to poorly misdirect one of the sharpest minds in all of Remnant, "… Iiitttt's… heeerrr… twin sister—yes! This is her twin sister—err—Winter!"
To clarify, Weiss had never told any of her friends about her family, let alone Winter. How Jaune managed to correctly guess Weiss sister's name is an unknown factor.
"This is Winter Schnee?"
"You actually bel—I mean yes!" Jaune caught himself. It was now time to bring it home. "You see Headmaster, Winter dyes the top of her hair pink so that she would be distinguishable from her sister!"
Taking a sip of his coffee mug, Ozpin pointed out the elephant in the room, "But why is she unconscious?"
"Err, she… fell down… some stairs?"
"Oh my. Then you better get her to the Nurse Joy's office. I believe she is the closest one stationed around this area." Ozpin said rather calmly.
"Y-yeah! I-I better do that!" Jaune said, ready to bolt out of there.
"Wait, one more moment, Mr. Arc." Jaune knew it was too good to be true. "That still doesn't explain why she is wearing her sister's uniform and has the same scar as her sister?"
"… Because she has a sister fetish?" Jaune's mouth answered before his mind could even realize what he had just said. "I-I don't judge?"
Ozpin nodded his head once. "… Very well then, Mr. Arc, do hurry and bring our guest to the office. I mean, if the current CEO of the Schnee enterprise would hear such a tragedy befall even one of his daughters, he would come down on the poor, miserable man that had caused such an incident to happen with the entire wrath of the earthly equivalent of heaven and hell," He poetically described a death threat. "You weren't the cause of this accident, but one who helped solve this, yes?"
Jaune answered but his voice insanely squeaky, meek, and afraid as he muttered one word. "Yes…"
"Alright, off you—" Ozpin saw Jaune run almost faster than Ruby's semblance before he could even try to dismiss him again.
With Jaune gone, Ozpin finally let a smile curl up his lips. He didn't know what kind of situation brought about the strange circumstance of Mr. Arc carrying Ms. Schnee's unconscious body with her hair partially dyed, and he didn't even know why Mr. Arc was trying so hard to even give him those insanely pitiful lies.
But what he did know was that it would be very entertaining to see how it would all work out. He needed to relax a bit after his talk with Ironwood.
Though, he worried those series of explosions in the distance would give Glynda quite the headache later on.
Sun Wukong was giving himself a pat on the back by using Neptune's money to buy himself some ice cream. After all, Neptune would thank him later for doing a solid for him, so why not reward himself a little earlier?
Sun walked out of the vending area and back into one of the large outer hallways of Beacon. As he was enjoying his new Sea-salt ice cream, his eyes were caught by a strange image of a small corgi running around with a letter in his mouth,
"…"
Three… two… one…
"No! Zwei! Don't do that! Put that letter back!" Sun cried out before dashing after the smaller animal.
Elsewhere…
Mercury Black fought the urge to raise his brow questioningly. "Um, Cinder, are you sure about this?"
Usually, Mercury would never even think about questioning Cinder because that would be pretty much be the same thing as committing suicide by tying yourself on the railroad tracks buck naked, and slathering the ropes with honey from a wasps nest attracting the annoying the insects to sting you until you are eventually hit by that high speed 200 MPH Schnee Dust Train.
Don't ask why that was so specific.
"Must I repeat myself? Simply be on the lookout for a letter or an envelope under the hands of team JNPR or any of their acquaintances or allies."
"People still use letters?" Emerald repeated with the same reserved doubt as her partner.
"I believe I may have stumbled upon Ms. Nikos' weakness, and the key is written on a letter." While the source she heard this from may have been… faulty… the information was not false. Besides, worst case scenario they would simply be wasting their time. Best case scenario was that they would expose a weakness to subdue Nikos during the operation. It was high reward, low risk chance.
Mercury and Emerald shared a glance. They would do it, but they weren't completely sure. "Alright… Cinder, where are we even going to find a letter?"
"Zwei! Come back with that letter!"
The trio of evil turned to voice to see a corgi running away from a blonde monkey Faunus. Said corgi happened to have a letter in his mouth.
In disbelief and shock at the insanely cliché event in front of them, Emerald spoke out. "T-there's no way that's the same letter, right? I mean that could just be a coincidence?" She asked unsurely.
The only answer the two had was a dark smile on Cinder's face.
Meanwhile in the Hall of Justice.
Ruby was exhausted. Excessive use of her semblance had drained her aura reserves. "Aww man, how am I going to avoid Jaune at this rate?"
"Ruby?"
Too exhausted to even be surprised, Ruby turned her head to see Pyrrha. "Oh. Hey, Pyrrha."
"You look troubled. Is something the matter?"
"Well… kinda… it's embarrassing to say…" Ruby exhaled as she slumped on the trunk of a nearby tree in an untouched courtyard.
Pyrrha wanted to look for Nora, but instead she decided to sit down beside Ruby to help her somehow. "I heard talking about your problems will make you feel better."
Ruby became flushed. "It's really embarrassing…" But a certain thought came to her mind. "W-wait. Pyrrha… hypothetically speaking…" She was so glad Weiss gave her that dictionary. "… Were you given any love letters?"
Pyrrha paled and blushed at the mention. "W-what do you mean?" Did Ruby know about the letter? Was it actually real?! Oh dust! What did Nora do!?
"I-I mean Jaune talks about how you were on a cereal box," Pyrrha relaxed a little. "And Weiss said that you were actually pretty famous… so I was wondering if you've ever got some… nicely written fan mails? I-I was just wondering since it crossed my mind today." Ruby finished meekly, choosing her best words that didn't go back to love letters.
Pyrrha gave a small sigh of relief. But this topic was a little curious since she wasn't entirely sure if she recently received a love letter from her team leader. Trying to distract her from her own problems, Pyrrha found herself answering Ruby. "Why yes. I received many fan mails and confessions…" Even from the same gender, but Pyrrha didn't want to talk about subject with Ruby yet.
"So how do you respond to them?" Ruby asked attentively, almost hanging on her every word.
"I honestly don't know how to respond to all of them since they were so varying, and since they were fan mail, I didn't necessarily need to respond to them," She answered, but saw how Ruby seemed disappointed with her answer. Reaching a little deeply, she remembered one fan mail that really stood out to her. "But do you want me to tell you about my favorite fan mail?"
Ruby curled up, grabbing her knees and placing her head on them as she titled towards Pyrrha.
"My favorite fan mail was from someone who I will simply address as Susan so I won't ruin her privacy. After I won the second Mistrial tournament, a little girl was able to catch my attention in the stands before I was able to walk back into the lockers. It was very cold that day, so her family wrapped him up in the most adorable dog hat and gave him layers of miniature jackets that made her look puffy."
"Aww…" Ruby cooed, imagining the absolutely precious idea of a little boy wrapped up in the cold weather. Kind of like how her mother did that during one time their heater busted, and she gently placed layers of clothes around her while playing with Ruby saying that she was 'gearing her up'…
Ruby tried her best to focus on the story Pyrrha was telling her. "Anyway, the girl was able to sneak in to the front somehow and wave a small pink envelope with hearts. She was calling me miss the entire time trying to get my attention… and I was able to receive it kindly… but she was quickly taken back by her father…" She sighed dejectedly which confused Ruby a bit. "When I went into the locker room, I simply read the mail and it was written in crayon saying how the little girl wanted to be me when she grew up."
"Why did you sound so sad about that?" Ruby asked curiously.
Pyrrha smiled softly. "Afterward, I met her father again while visiting a grocery store. When he saw me, he expressed how his daughter was a huge fan of mine and thanked me for my work," then Pyrrha's smile dropped. "When I asked how his daughter was doing… he… he told me she had died to leukemia."
The few seconds of silence that followed after that was very awkward for Ruby, she wanted to say something, but she couldn't understand why something like this was her favorite letter.
Pyrrha spoke out again. "I felt horrible for bringing it up because I didn't even know she was diagnosed when I first saw her since she seemed so lively when I first saw her. I quickly apologized to him, but then he… he thanked me."
"The father thanked you?" Ruby repeated in disbelief.
"He explained to me that his daughter was a weak and sickly girl from birth and the chemotherapy and medicine had very much sapped the life out of her. However, she was most alive when she first saw me during my first tournament run. She adored me on the first sight since she didn't know that someone could be so beautiful and strong... Since then on she would always want to be like me whenever she heard about me… to her father, I gave her hope that maybe she could be like me one day," Pyrrha explained gently. "The week before she died, she begged to see me at my second tournament, and despite warning against the doctors, her father brought her out to meet me… looking back then, she looked so full of life, and I didn't even know she was a patient…"
"That is so sad…" Ruby spoke out, her eyes getting a little teary.
"The reason why her letter became my favorite was because I touched her life and inspired her when she didn't have much hope. I learned that what I do can really affect people's lives. And most importantly, I learned that when people write out their feelings out on a piece of paper, a majority of the time they pour their hearts out in those writings," Pyrrha finished solemnly. As she did, she made a mental note to herself: whether or not Jaune truly wrote that letter to her, she would have to confess her feelings for him. If one of her fans would brave their own lives to thank her for inspiring them, how could she compare that to the feelings of nervousness and fear she had when attempting to confess to her leader?
Ruby also took Pyrrha's story to heart. "Pyrrha, thank you for that…" She stood up with renewed energy. "Alright! I've decided to answer Jaune's Love letter!"
SON OF A
"Excuse me—what?" Pyrrha asked innocently. Her brain a little in the unknown this second.
Ruby blinked at her then blushed at what she had just mentioned. "O-oh! Umm… Jaune… kind of gave me a love letter, and I haven't answered him?" She said that in a hurried whisper, but Pyrrha also heard that properly, causing the girl to stand up with an unreadable face.
"He gave you a love letter?" Pyrrha asked almost on auto pilot, her consciousness was really having trouble computing this moment.
"Err…"
A very very dark and cynical thought came to Pyrrha, and since her consciousness was somewhat… 'in error'… she didn't have much control in asking this, "By any chance did he claim that you were as majestic as angels?"
Ruby's silver eyes widened larger than coconuts. "W-what!? H-how did you know that!?"
What Ruby didn't know was the temperature of the area was rapidly rising. Several metal objects were starting to float.
"Because I believe Arc had handed me the same letter." Pyrrha almost spat.
It was that instant, while Jaune was just several feet from Nurse Joy's office, he felt this unbelievable and overbearing feeling like he was going to see a bloody red death very very soon.
{Author's notes}
Happy Holidays, folks!
Jaune: … Why?!
Why what?
Jaune: *Points back to the chapter.* THIS!?
… I don't understand.
Jaune: You made me look like a fool, and potentially killed me in one of the worst possible death orchestrated by two of the most powerful women in RWBY!
Oh don't worry J-man, I am a writer and a sucker for the archtypes! You will get over these obstacles and grow closer to your friends after this, ultimately becoming stronger in your life!
Jaune: Oh… OK… For a second there—
PFFFTTTAHAAHAHAHA!
Well, bye folks, happy holidays! Thank you for reading!