Author's note: enjoyed get a couple reviews but my muse is still being a pain... hoping to have more inspiration after tonight's episode... no spoilers for anyone who can't see it yet... I have 4 chapters for you tonight

On another note, I made the coolest pumpkins this year... a white one that has all the Arrow logos from all seasons and an orange one that is made to look like Slade's mask... so much fun

Review and let me know what you guys think

Disclosure: I own nothing of Arrow or Felicity would be sporting something extra right now... if you know what I mean

Felicity absent-mindedly walked into Oliver's office, from the doorway that joined their two together. She was studying a report on her tablet and had a piece of twizzler hanging from her mouth. She reached up to catch it as she bit hard into it, savoring the sweet cherry flavor that now coated her mouth. "Oliver, I think we may have found another project that could help this company in the short term." Felicity mumbled around the twizzler she was chewing on. When she didn't hear a chuckle or response, Felicity glanced up to find his office empty. She quickly hacked into his email to gaze at his calendar. She found that afternoon blocked off for two hours, something that puzzled her since there was no notation as to why. Usually Oliver's calendar noted what meetings he had as well as with whom and where. This was just an empty block and he was missing.

She stepped out of his office to find Adira at her desk typing up reports for Oliver to sign. "Adira, have you seen Oliver?"

"He had a meeting."

"I saw that on his calendar but where? And with whom? His meeting's info is missing."

"Mr. Queen asked me to leave two hours every Wednesday from 2 to 4 open for him. I never know why or where he is going. I figured it had something to do with you or the family."

Felicity tried to smile sweetly but her emotions were getting the best of her already. Her mind had started picturing worse case scenarios about what Oliver could be doing with this time each week. "How long has this been occurring?"

"Um let me see." Adira pulled up Oliver's calendar and started going backwards until when he first started back at QI. "It seems he has done this for weeks, Mrs. Queen. Do you want me to try and call him and track him down?"

Felicity shook her head. "That's okay. I have my own ways of finding my husband." Felicity growled as she swiftly turned and headed towards the front of the building. Jerry was in her office while Duncan was out to his lunch and would be back in minute. Felicity walked through the secure doors to their office wing and up to the reception desk. Diggle had enjoyed being able to run security from there while he was going to work with them but now that he was promptly in charge of Connor's security detail at school, the floor's security fell to either Darren or Rob. It changed daily as to who rode in with the Queens to work that day. Today it was Darren.

"Darren, do you have any idea where I might find my husband?"

Darren glanced up at the woman that was seemingly his boss and smiled while shaking his head. "I'm sorry Mrs. Queen, I don't. Mr. Queen left about an hour ago, stating he had a meeting to attend and I was to keep an eye on you and the floor. Keep you safe."

Felicity pulled out her phone and called Diggle, knowing he would be standing just outside her son's classroom door. "Diggle."

"John, do you know where Oliver is? He left QI telling everyone he had a meeting but there's no information about it. Turns out he has been doing this for weeks." Felicity had only been back at QI for a week and a half now but Oliver had been back nearly a month.

"No idea. He never told me about any meetings on Wednesdays. He didn't tell you?"

"No and Darren is here so he is out there alone." Felicity breathing picked up as her nerves began to grow. With the looming threat from Damien and the lack of contact from him these last few weeks, she was always nervous about any of them running off by themselves.

"Okay. Sara is at the Bunker. How about I have her and Nyssa ping Oliver's phone and go get him. They can bring him back to QI and you can lock him away in his office and yell at him all you want." Diggle offered, knowing it would take immediate action to calm Felicity down.

Felicity flipped out her tablet and clicked a few screens. Suddenly a map of the city popped up and a glowing red dot bounced over an address. "I already pinged his location. He is at 302 West Church St. It is the location of... it's a home? Has a couple apartments atop a therapist office. What would he be doing there?" Felicity's heart dropped as she worried that Oliver had already grown tired of her and began to stray.

"Stop that right now. I know what you're thinking Felicity and he isn't there for that. There has to be a better reason."

"What like he is in therapy. Please John. You and I both know that isn't happening. It took me 3 years for him to open up to me and he still hides things from me. And I'm his wife. Oliver isn't sitting on some shrink's couch talking about his feelings. So why else would he be there and need 2 hours a week set aside secretly for it. He's having an affair." Felicity sniffled as she fought back tears as she felt her heart shatter in her chest. Here she was, just about 22 weeks pregnant with his two children, always surrounded by family and friends trying to help her in any way, and she felt like the most lonesome person in the world.

Diggle could hear her starting to break down over the phone and his anger grew. He knew that Felicity had reached the stage in her pregnancy where she was having body image problems as well as mood swings due to her hormone levels. He had gone through it with Lyla. It didn't help that Felicity already harboured image and self confidence issues from her past as well as Oliver's past relationships. Diggle knew that she always compared herself to the types of woman Oliver had been with not only before the island but also when he returned. He could see her reasoning even. Oliver had a type. Leggy, gorgeous model like woman with complicated issues in their past. He would always see himself as a hero for them, trying to fix what's broken whether they wanted him to or not.

"Now listen to me, Felicity Meghan Queen. Oliver is head of heels in love with you and would not do anything stupid enough like have an affair to lose you. He loves you and the family you guys have made. He wants that more than I think even he knows. So if he is going to that address every week for 2 hours, he has a damn good reason. One I will be personally dragging out of him. I will have Nyssa come watch over Connor with Rob while Sara and I handle this. Text me the address then I want you to go back to your office and sit down and relax. All this worrying and you being upset is not good for those two sweet babies."

"I can't. I have to go get my dress for Friday night. I am supposed to be meeting Thea any minute now. Her and Adira are helping me look."

"Well ask them for a few minutes and collect yourself. Calm down and relax for a bit. Then go spoil yourself. You deserve it and I know Oliver would want you to. By the time you get back I will have this all cleared up."

Felicity wiped the back of her hand underneath her eyes and sniffled as she pushed down the lump of emotion in her throat. "Thanks John."

"Hey what are best friends who are almost family for. And if Oliver doesn't pull his head out of his butt soon, I will be assisting him in doing so. Forcefully. With lots of arrows. And I'm sure Sara will the next person in a long line of people to do so as well. Go relax. Sing to the babies for a bit. I know you love that and so do they. Thea will understand that you just need a moment and so will Adira. Then you will go and find the most stunning dress that will remind Oliver just what he has and could lose in a second."

"Thank you John." Felicity grinned softly and hung up her phone as she moved back towards her office, hoping that she wasn't right about what Oliver was doing.

/\

/\

/\

/\

"So how are things going this week?" The man sat forward, leaning onto his hand that was propped up on his knee, as he stared at Oliver.

Oliver huffed and sat back further into the chair. "A bit good and a bit bad."

"That's life, man. We only know the good by lining it up next to the bad. So what's going on?"

"Where do I start? I seem to be barely making a difference at work. Every plan I had is falling apart. Then there is my family. I want to spend all my time with them but it never seems like enough. They deserve so much more. Someone who doesn't slide into his head and the dark shadows in there while they are just trying to enjoy your presence. I always feel like I need to watch over my shoulder. And the dreams are getting worse. I am so worried about Felicity and the babies and Connor all being safe that I'm starting have my night terrors again." His hand came up and gripped at the tightness he now felt crossing his forehead. He could feel his migraine building.

"Okay. That's does seem like a lot." Oliver groaned and rolled his eyes. "But Oliver you can handle all of it. You just need to step back and look at it all one piece at a time. So let's start with something simple. Your family. You mentioned wanting to keep them safe. What's going on there?"

Oliver had been seeing Mitchell Pierce, a therapist that specialized in alternative treatments for PTSD, for almost two months. He had decided that he needed a therapist when he had a scare a few months back that left him cowering in the bathroom while Felicity slept the night away. He had had a night terror that shook him to his core. A flashback to his time during his second time on the island, after Amanda Waller had dropped him from a plane back onto Lian Yu, and the torture he went through.

He was grateful not to wake Felicity but he knew that the dreams would only get worse and after a couple nights without rest, he decided he needed help. A way to control his memories so that he could fully be there for his family. He started to seek out help the next day, researching treatments and doctors. He knew he didn't want drugs. He wanted to be in control of his body at all times. So he had researched alternative treatments that were being recommended to veterans returning from wartime and first responders and cops. That's how he found Dr. Pierce. He usually treated veterans with PTSD so when Oliver went to see him, Mitchell was curious. He knew who Oliver was of course. Everyone in Starling City did. But he didn't know that the island had effected Oliver the way it had. Slowly over the last 8 sessions, the two worked through some of the traumas Oliver had been a part of while on the island. Pierce still didn't know everything. He still believed that Oliver had always been on the island but he knew he was not alone. It would be hard to deal with the trauma and torture inflicted on him without disclosing he had people on the island with him. Oliver painted it to seem that the few individuals on the island with him all meant bodily harm to him and were responsible for his scars, which wasn't far from the truth. He left out details of the others on the island like Yao Fei and Shado. He had spoken of Slade but only to tell him about how the tormented man was drugged and forced to think that Oliver had killed the woman he loved. Oliver was careful not to give too much away but felt that he needed to open up a bit in order to resolve some of his demons.

He did speak about his life before the island and since. The differences and relationships he had cultivated. He spoke of his bodyguard who was more of a brother now and the blonde woman who stole his heart and made him truly smile for what felt like the first time in his entire life. He told Mitchell about his sister and the challenges she had fought through while he was gone. He explained about Laurel and their complicated relationship, including the fact that he was the reason her sister was on the yacht when it went down causing the loss of her life. He talked about Tommy and his guilt over the loss of his friend. He also spoke about his parents and their deaths, including Moira's connection to the Undertaking and his feelings about that. Oliver sat with Mitchell for 60 minutes once a week and poured his heart out all while still protecting his secret and some of the lies he had told over the years about his time away. He was sure that Mitchell wouldn't share their session details but he was always careful anyway.

"We had an image of our wedding, one that was not released to the press and not taken by our photographer, delivered to us one night. Since then, I have worried that anyone could get to my wife or kids and hurt them to hurt me. And now with Felicity pregnant with twins, I have to stay as calm and collected as possible around her because she can read me like a book and knows when I am stressed or worried. She has to keep her stress down so I only get to freak out when I'm not around her, which just makes me feel worse because I'm hiding part of me from her and I feel like I'm lying to her."

"Oliver, you're not lying. Once you finish freaking out, do you talk to her about it?" Oliver though for a second and nodded. "Then you're not hiding it. You are just thinking it over first. Processing it. That's allowed in any relationship. We all process news differently and in our own time and ways but what is important is that at the end of the day she knows how you feel about things and you work together to move forward. As far as the safety thing, you have hired extra guards and reported it to the police right?" Again Oliver nodded. "Well you have set up ways to protect your family as best as you can. Believe in those actions. Trust those people to want your family safe as well. If your friends are anything like you say, I know they do. So relax and ease up a bit. Life is going to happen and you can't control it. I know that with the disorder, we tend to want to control everything. To prevent any issues from arising. But without those hiccups in life, would we know what we are strong enough to battle and beat? So we have talked about your family's safety. You understand that you have done the most you can currently do, right? You have them protected and covered and you have people hunting that psycho stalker."

"Yes I do."

"Then step away. Let it go. For now. I'm not saying forget that they are in danger. Maybe just be a bit more aware when you're out in public areas and continue to cover them. But don't let it stop you from enjoying your family. I mean, you are just a few weeks away from meeting your new children. What were they again?"

A tender smile crossed Oliver's face. "A boy and a girl. Tommy and Harper."

"Yeah, so focus on preparing for Tommy and Harper's arrival. Spend time with Connor, get to know him more. How is that going by the way?" Mitchell leaned on his left hand that was balled up and propped up on the armrest of his chair. He held his index finger curled across his lips as his hand supported the weight of his head.

Oliver's smile grew and a small chuckle escaped him. "Amazing. I swear he is the most perfect kid. Smart, funny, polite and so fearless. I spend more time chasing him around, making sure he doesn't hurt himself, than anything else. He joined a horseback riding club at the country club and he goes at least once a week just to help muck out the stalls and tend to the animals. He rides this incredible horse named Prince."

"Fitting." Mitchell laughed.

"Yeah. But he has a connection with the horse that is inspiring. He can lead the horse around without any ropes or anything. The horse stands twice his height, and that's when it is on all fours, but my son has him just following behind him perfectly trained. And he is never scared. He has helped me with everything for the babies and I can't tell which of us is more excited for the babies, Felicity, me or Connor. He is just remarkable. Always helping with one thing or another. Sandra did a great job raising him."

"Does he ask about her?"

"Sometimes. When he does, Felicity makes it a point to take him aside and let him tell her what stories he knows and look at pictures of them. Thea made us a bunch of photo albums with all kinds of photos from Felicity's family as well as mine and also Sandra's. When he asks, we sit down and tell stories as best as we can. Thea helps out a bit with my mom and I tell him all I can about my dad. Felicity is always telling him that they would be so proud to have Connor as a grandson. They go out to their graves and leave flowers at least once a week."

"And how are things with Felicity? How is the pregnancy working out with you two? Any challenges?"

Oliver huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes. "I know the babies will be worth all the headaches now but I swear her mood swings are deadly. I am starting to get whiplash from them." Oliver teased. "But seriously, everything is great. She had a bit of difficulty on Friday. She has hit the stage where she is growing so rapidly that her clothes are not fitting much. She mentioned some self image issues but I think I set them right."

"How?"

"Well I just keep showing her why I love her. What it is about her that I think about all day and night. Not to say too much but I just let her know why she is special to me and why I don't want anyone but her."

Mitchell blushed slightly as he caught on to what Oliver was saying and chuckled as Oliver rubbed at his neck and blushed as well. "Oh! Okay well it seems that your family is happy then. So they are set. If you start to feel like their happiness and safety are becoming a problem or a concern, I want you to sit down and think about what we discussed. Is there a way, within normal terms, that you could protect them or make them happier? If you say no that's because they are still very safe and very happy. Now you need to focus on enjoying your time with them. Maybe set up another family day. You all enjoyed that a lot last time right? It doesn't have to be out in the city either. You said that you guys were planning a movie marathon with Connor?"

"Yeah when we finish reading him the Harry Potter books. We're just about done. Felicity wanted to compare the movies to the books once we finish reading them all."

"Well then plan that out. Make it a weekend thing. You and Felicity also need some time for yourselves. Maybe book a hotel room and get away. Just be a couple. Pamper yourselves. It will help rid of some of the stresses you each have as well help you reconnect and remember why you love each other."

"I can do that. Donna would be glad to babysit Connor for a night and he has been asking about staying at her place recently."

"Also Halloween is coming up. Plan a family outing for that. Maybe to a pumpkin patch so you can get pumpkins and carve them together. Include friends if you want. Just make sure that it is a very easy going day."

"Yeah I like that. Thea would love that."

"Okay so now that we have discussed your family issues let's talk about your company concerns."

"That's okay. I know what I need to do for that."

"And that would be?" Mitchell was curious to see what Oliver's plans were for QI.

Oliver chuckled. "I just need to learn to be patient. I want the company to be a success but what was it you said last week, nothing worthwhile comes easily. I just need to give the company time to rebound and grow. We have several great plans in place. I just need to let the grow and see what happens."

"Good. Just don't forget to nurture them. Help them be successful."

"Definitely. A couple of these projects are pet projects of mine and I want to see them flourish."

"I saw where you dedicated the Alan Hall building last week. How do you feel about that?"

"Great. I know my dad would be proud of the labs there. We have staffed it well and Felicity's team is excited to build our company's brand. I'm just glad her office isn't there. I like being able to look up when I start to feel overwhelmed and see her next door, chewing on a pen unconsciously as she focusing on a challenging project."

"Good. Well now the hard part. The dreams. Are the journals helping?" Mitchell looked over to see Oliver had the same journal from the week before. Mitchell had gifted Oliver a journal his first week and asked Oliver to write about his dreams when he had them. What they were about, what was happening to him in them, how he felt in them, how he felt after waking up; write anything he could. Then later, once he was collected enough to handle it, Oliver was to read over his entry and analysis it. Write what he thought it all meant and how they still affected him. Why he felt those moments in time had the strongest hold on him and what he thought about them specifically. Oliver had felt silly doing it at first but after a while he was beginning to see a pattern to his dreams and the stressors in his life that caused them. It was helping him cope with them now. Mitchell never read the journal. They would just talk about some of the realizations Oliver had come to between sessions.

"Yeah it is. I figured out a few things that have acted like triggers for my dreams. Now I either avoid them or if I have to do that, I try to find something to counter it so I don't have bad dreams all night long. I'm beginning to sleep peacefully again. At least until Felicity has to get up to pee. I tend to wake with her, wait for her to return then help ease her back to sleep. Unless it was a hard day and I am just too spent. Then I sleep through her movement and she doesn't mind because she understands the day was taxing on me."

"Any insight into the traumas you are reliving? Anything that you have fought head on and come out victorious over yet?"

"A couple things. I still don't trust needles or meds but I am actually starting to understand that I don't need to wear my scars on me to remind myself all that I have overcome and survived. In fact, I have an appointment on Monday to have a tattoo on my back removed. It was given to me as a punishment while I was on the island." Mitchell seemed to be confused over that statement. "Don't ask." Oliver shook his head. "Anyway, I am going to have it removed because I don't need it anymore. Unfortunately some of my scars will always be there, marred skin and all, but I am slowly coming to terms with what I went through and moving past it. The journal helps with that because I get to analyze not only what happened but why."

"And the guilt?"

"It comes and goes. But I am beginning to see that it wasn't all my fault. I wasn't the only one responsible for things that happened. Sara chose to get on that boat with me. My dad knew what shady people he was doing business with. And as for the boat itself, like you said, life happens. So I am beginning to let go of the responsibility to fix all the messed up lives around me. I am still willing to help but I'm not seeking people out anymore. If they want my help I am here but I am not forcing it anymore. I can't help them if they don't want help."

"Good. Couple of the symptoms of PTSD are depression and guilt. Most guys have a hard time dealing with those because they feel like they have to do better since they survived where others didn't. But never forget, we're humans. We make mistakes and screw up. That's how we learn and better ourselves. You just have to be willing to do that."

"I am. For my family, my friends, for the company and for those I've lost." Oliver solemnly grinned as he studied the floor between his feet. He was now perched on the edge of his seat, his legs wide open and his torso held up on his forearms as he pressed them into his knees.

"It's great to want to be better for all those people but you must want it for yourself first. Oliver, we can't truly care for others, love others, without first caring and loving ourselves. If we hate ourselves how could we expect someone else to love us?"

Oliver nodded as he took in Mitchell's words. He knew he was right but it was hard to truly see himself and love himself when he knew what he had done in his past.

"I know it's hard but keep working at it. Start forgiving yourself for some of the dark things in your past. As you do, you will start to see all the good things others, like that brilliant wife you're always telling me about, see and start to care for yourself." Mitchell looked up at the clock on his wall and smiled. "That's a good place to stop for this week. Same time next week?"

"Yep. I will bring the new ultrasound to show you as well."

"I can't wait. Have you thought about telling Felicity about your meetings? Maybe invite her to one?" Mitchell knew that Oliver had not openly discussed his therapy sessions with Felicity yet.

"I have thought about it. I want to deal with a bit more before I tell her. I need to show her how much I have improved first, so she doesn't worry or stress out."

"I understand. I'll see you next week Oliver." Mitchell stood and shook Oliver's hand as Oliver stood and prepared to cross the room to exit. "Make sure everything is set with Kassandra before you leave."

"Will do. See you next week." With that Oliver stepped out the room, feeling a large weight off his chest and a lightness to his step.