Author's note: enjoyed get a couple reviews but my muse is still being a pain... hoping to have more inspiration after tonight's episode... no spoilers for anyone who can't see it yet... I have 4 chapters for you tonight

On another note, I made the coolest pumpkins this year... a white one that has all the Arrow logos from all seasons and an orange one that is made to look like Slade's mask... so much fun

Review and let me know what you guys think

Disclosure: I own nothing of Arrow or Felicity would be sporting something extra right now... if you know what I mean

Oliver leaped from the cab as soon as it came to a stop. He turned back and handed the cabbie his money owed plus a generous tip, then grab for large bouquet that took up the seat next to where he had been seated. He smiled and waved goodbye to the cabbie as he watched the man start to pull away, making his way into the house.

"Sweetheart!" Oliver called as he shut the door behind him, flowers and journal in one hand. "Felicity?"

Raisa heard him calling through the house and came from the kitchen, smiling at him. "Welcome home, Mister Oliver." She took his coat from him and went to hang it up.

"Thank you Raisa. Have you seen Felicity?"

"Yes. Mrs Felicity came home about an 10 minutes ago. She said she wasn't feeling well and would be laying down until you and Mister Connor returned home for dinner."

"Thank you." Oliver smiled as he grabbed his journal and the bouquet, starting to move towards the stairs.

"Would you like me to take those and put them in water?"

"I've got it. Thanks Raisa." Oliver called as he barreled up the stairs towards their room. He took the stairs two at a time, unable to wait to have Felicity in his arms. Once he reached the top, he bolted towards their room. He slowed as he came up on their door, his breath coming in short pants. Just as he was about to open the door, he heard the sound of their song playing quietly as well as soft sobs and sniffling floating out of the cracked doorway. He stopped for a moment, wishing he knew how to stop Felicity from ever crying again. Feeling his heart sink, he second guessed the gesture; wondering if it was enough. He shook his head, pushing his fear and anxiety away, and pressed on; determined to correct this slip up and re-establish the strong bond he and Felicity shared.

"Felicity?" Oliver whispered as he pushed his way into their room. The bed and seats in the room were empty. A quick sniffle and tapered sob, let him know she had heard him though. "Sweetheart?" Oliver glanced around the space, following the sounds of her moving and shifting into the nursery. She was buried in the bed across from the two cribs.

"Oliver, go away. I don't feel well." Felicity whimpered as she sank further into the mattress and pulled the covers over her head. He heard the music stop and could see how she shifted under the covers, turning away from him.

"Baby, please!" Oliver pleaded as he moved to the bed, finding his place next to her hips. He reached out for her only to feel her pull away again. "Felicity, please let me explain."

"Explain what? That for weeks now you have been screwing around on me? Ever since we got back from our honeymoon if not longer. What's there to explain? The fact that I'm not what you thought you wanted after all. That it was just about the chase for you. That having to be with me only was never what you wanted and you plan on keeping your playboy ways up?" Felicity's voice cracked as a new stab of pain pushed into her chest. "Just don't. I can't take it today. I'm sorry I wasn't enough. I will figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow. Tonight I just want to be left alone."

Oliver stood to move but gazed down at the flowers he had sat on a nearby ottoman. His tenacious streak flooded him in that moment and he was now unwavering in his need to keep her in his life. To fix this. "No! We are going to talk about this. I'm going to talk and you're going to listen." He barked at her. She flipped over to find a drive and heat in his eyes that she rarely saw directed at her. Oliver sat back down next to her and looked at his hands, watching how they twisted together as he tried to figure out how to start this. Felicity huffed her frustration and started to climb out of the bed when he grabbed for her wrist. "I've been seeing a therapist." Oliver confessed, unable to look in her eyes.

"Yeah right, Oliver. I know better than that. It took me and Dig years to get you to open up and talk to us and even then we still didn't get the whole story. I still don't know everything about your time away."

"I am telling you the truth." Oliver snapped, pissed that she thought he was still lying. "His name is Dr. Mitchell Pierce. He specializes in alternative treatments for people who suffer from PTSD. I have been seeing him for 8 weeks now. He has been helping me overcome my past." Oliver stared at her, hoping he could convey his sincerity with his eyes.

"Therapy? Why?" Felicity asked still not believing him fully.

Oliver twisted to look at her, his right leg hooked in front of him. He released her wrist and started to pick at the hem of his slacks. He was nervous to tell her this story. He knew she would worry about him and that was the last thing he wanted right now. He couldn't stand to see pity in her eyes as she looked at him. "It started about 2 and 1/2 months ago. I had a nightmare that scared me. I woke up shaking and covered in sweat. You were still asleep and were starting to have sleeping problems so I didn't want to wake you. I just couldn't shake the dream. So I went and sat in the bathroom for a while then went for a run and to the weight room here to work out a bit. That became a pattern for a few days and finally one night I woke up and felt like I was going to hurt you. You had cuddled up in my arms again and your weight on my chest made me feel like I was suffocating. I had to get away so I did but instead of working out and avoiding it, I watched you cuddle up to my pillow and desperately wanted to climb back into bed with you. But I couldn't. My mind and those dreams wouldn't let me. So I started researching treatments. I was finally ready to move past this. To move on and let it go so I could enjoy my life with you."

Oliver finally looked up at her, scared that he would find pity or anger staring back at him. He knew he shouldn't be shocked but he was. Instead he found Felicity holding softly to her cowering lip as her eyes tried to convey support for the pain he had gone through and shame over not knowing what battles her husband was silently fighting beside her as she rested each night.

"Oliver, Baby, why didn't you tell me? I could've stayed with you, helped you ease back down and relax until you fell back asleep. I could have supported you."

"I know but you were already doing so much. You were running the house, taking care of all the wedding planning, handling adjusting Connor to life here and keeping QI secure and running smoothly from behind the scenes. I didn't want to add to all you were doing. Plus you were pregnant so you had even more to handle. I didn't want to be a burden." Oliver felt a tear slip down his cheek as Felicity reached up and cupped his cheek, running her nails through his scruff softly. He closed his eyes and soaked in the warmth and comfort of her touch, feeling as if a weight had lifted off him. He turned his head to press further into her palm, his lip brushing across the inside of her wrist tenderly.

They were silent for a few moments as they just savored the quiet support they gave each other in the moment. "So you have been seeing this Dr... Dr. Pierce?"

"Yeah. And it's helping. I still have a lot to work through but I feel better most days. We talk about the island. Well some of it. I don't tell him everything for obvious reasons but we talk a bit about the torture, what was done to me and why and how it affects me now. What I think of it now, looking back. We also talk about triggers and my dreams. Also my life before the island and who I was as well as my life now and who I am now. He knows all about you, except the whole bullet ridden laptop thing. But we talk about us and the kids and my relationships now. It's nice to get an outsider's opinion sometimes. He helps me see when I am overreacting or being too paranoid. It's just easy to talk to him because he has been through it. Not that I'm saying I don't like talking to you too. I love it and I love you. It's just nice to know other people go through what I am daily and learn new ways to cope and control it."

Felicity nodded as she realized what he was saying. "I get it Oliver. Dr. Pierce can help you. Train you to deal with your mental battle because he fights it daily as well. Just like John."

"Exactly. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just needed to make this work on my own. I planned on telling you once I got a good setting with it."

"Really?" Felicity gasped.

Oliver grinned sweetly at her. "Of course. You're my wife. I don't like hiding things from you. I have hated keeping this from you but I needed to make sure it worked first. I didn't want you to see me as a failure I guess."

Felicity sat up as straight as she could with her belly in the way. Her hands reached up and cupped his face, drawing his gaze up to hers. "Oliver, you could only be a failure to me if you gave up and refused to fight. As long as you keep getting back up and pushing forward, you are a success to me. I don't care about the results. I just want to know you will always be willing to fight. That's what makes you my hero. No matter how many times you have been thrown down, you get right back up and fight again."

Oliver reached out to trace his hand over her belly, feeling the babies move and flutter beneath it. A tender smile stretched across his face as he looked up into her vibrant blue eyes. "How did I ever get so lucky to get you?"

"By fighting and believing you could be a better man. And by making me fall crazy in love with that man."

"But how could you think I was having an affair?"

It was Felicity's turn to pull away and feel shame wash over her. "I don't know. I just... I saw the address when I pinged your phone and saw there were a bunch of apartments on top of the therapist office. I couldn't believe you seeked out help from a therapist when it is easier to win the lottery than get you to open up and talk about your time away. Add that to your past and my pregnant brain thought the worst."

"Okay. That's it. I am going to settle this right now. Felicity, I love you. I want you and only you. I never told you this but at my Bachelor party, when that stripper was giving me a lap dance, most men would have been excited to have a sexy, scantily dress woman pressing into his lap but me, all I could do was count down how much longer I had to wait until I could get home to you. And it's not about the sex, although the sex we have is better than anything I've ever had. It's about just being near you. Do you really think I moved your office next to mine just so I could keep an eye on you for safety. No! I spend most of my days staring through that glass wall, watching you move and work; amazed that such a brilliant, beautiful, and mind blowing woman is mine. That she would choose me, over all the other men she could have, to spend the rest of her life with. I wake up in the mornings and stare at my wedding ring to make sure I'm not dreaming. When you leave your office to go off somewhere, I feel the loss from my desk and I look up at every sound until I see you come back. Not because I am worried about your safety, which I am too, but because I just need to see you. I dread leaving you here on the nights I go to the Bunker or go on patrol, not because I want to watch over you and keep you protected but because I know it's going to be several lonely hours until I can return home and hold you again, hear your voice. I miss your babbling when I'm out in the field now. Felicity, you are all I could ever want and so much more." Oliver pinched her chin gently between his index finger and thumb and drew her gaze up. "No woman has ever made me want to learn the meanings of flowers so that every time I bring her flowers they mean more than just a premade bouquet. Hell I have never bought flowers for a woman until we started dating. Now I find myself stopping at shops I see on my way home, finding a little gift to bring you just so I can see that bright smile of yours. I know now why I survived the hell of Lian Yu. It was so I could know just how good our days together are. Mitchell told me today that we need the good and bad days so that we can truly appreciate just how good the good days are when we stack them next to the bad ones. Felicity, all my good days started the moment I walked into your office." Oliver leaned in and kissed her sweetly, a chaste kiss that still made her heart leap.

"Oliver I'm so sorry. I just... I'm crazy and my hormones aren't helping."

"It's okay but you have to let my past go. Sweetheart I'm not that guy anymore. The one that cheated and only wanted a good time was selfish and shallow. He died on that island. Instead a shell of a man returned. One plagued with shadows and demons. But then this bright light came into his life and changed it all. Now I want to stand in the light, bath in it, and enjoy life. No more hiding. No more punishing myself for my past. I am letting it go and moving forward. With you. I need you to do the same."

"I know but it's hard. It's scary. Every guy in my life as always walked away from me. Including you. Sort of."

Oliver turned and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, leaning back into the headboard of the bed. She fell into his side, curling up next to him as she always did. "I know. I know you have trust issues and I didn't help them. I once told you that you wouldn't lose me. Well now I am vowing it. I will fight to stay right by you, no matter what is going on or who is trying to pull us apart. Even you. No one is going to pull me away from you because this is where I belong. Beside you. As your husband, friend and partner. I said the old me was selfish. Well now I'm greedy. I want you and I won't ever let anyone take you from me. I wants our mornings together, our nights pressed into each other, our fights and making up, and our quiet moments. I want your laugh to be something I hear daily. I want your face to be the last thing I see each day, including my final one. I want you voice to be what causes me to sleep peacefully each night. I want my last breath used to tell you I love you one final time. I want you hands and lips to be the last thing I feel in this world. So I'm greedy but you'll just have to live with that." Oliver grinned as he pressed his lips into her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

"I think I can live with that. I'm so sorry I didn't let you explain first. I'm sure John probably yelled at you for upsetting me and hiding things again."

"Nope he didn't get the chance."

"Why?" Felicity sat up to look him in the face, worried about what happened between two of the most important men in her life.

"Sara clocked me with a right hook. Put me on my... butt." Felicity snickered then bit down on her lips trying to suppress her amusement. "Yeah. Mitchell's wife is also his receptionist sort of. They share the practice since they both have doctorates in psychology. She had some errands to run while Mitchell dealt with a few things around the office so I walked her out. I guess Diggle had told Sara about what you were thinking because as soon as she saw me with Kassandra, she pounced on me then started yelling at Kassandra and implying that she needed to find another meal ticket. I was taken. I had Kassandra leave and started to explain what was happening when Mitchell came out to give me my journal I had left. They finally settled down enough for me to explain fully."

"Oliver, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thankfully I don't have a glass jaw but maybe take it easy next time you suspect me of doing wrong. Pull back on that pit bull friend of yours. Not sure how much more my ego can take if I keep getting my a... butt handed to me by a small blonde." Oliver teased.

"Just be glad it was her and not John or Thea. They really would have killed you." Felicity giggled.

"Yeah. Still amazes me that all our friends instantly fall behind you when we're fighting."

"That's just cause they know our track record. Usually I'm right."

"Yes but today proves not always." Oliver proudly smiled at her. She rolled her eyes and sunk back into his side. She eyed the flowers next to them, mesmerized by the large array of striking colors. "They're for you." Oliver whispered against the top of her head, his nose buried in her hair again. He turned his head to rest his cheek against the tip of her head. "Each week after a session, I go for a walk in a nearby park, trying to walk through what Mitchell and I had discussed that day. Today is was a short walk because all I could think about was you thinking I wanted anything but you. So I grabbed a cab and started back towards QI. I was heading that way when Adira text me that you had headed home. I was passing a small flower shop and I had the cabbie pull over. This sweet old woman, Milly, helped me make these for you." Oliver smiled as he shifted a bit in order to grab the flowers and hand them to her.

"Oliver they're beautiful. I love them but you really didn't have to. I should be the one trying to make up to you. I mean you got slugged because I jumped to conclusions instead of believing in you. In us." Felicity pulled the flowers to her nose and breathed in the sweet delicate fragrance.

Oliver kissed her temple as a tender grin painted on his lips. "I know I didn't have to but Felicity I told you. I do this to see you smile. I love your smile because it lights your whole face up and if I can get you to smile at least once everyday then I feel like no matter how bad the day was, that one smile makes it worth all the pain and struggle. I love you. Always have and always will. And more each day than the last."

"Okay you really are turning into a sap." Felicity laughed and blushed.

"Only for you." Oliver chuckled quietly as they fell back into their soft moment. Felicity curled back up into his side, draping the flowers across his lap. Oliver traced over the shell of her ear and down her neck, shoulder and arm before returning back up it. He was easing into a gentle peace when he felt Felicity shift. "You're thinking too loud." A sweet huffed giggle was how she answered. "What is it?"

"Is that your journal?"

"Yeah. When I have a bad dream or flashback, I write about it then later, once I have calmed down, I go back and analyze it. I write down how I feel about it and what it all means to me. It has helped me realize that I have been holding onto a lot of stuff that was not my fault. Well not my fault completely. It has helped me cope and move past a lot of what happened to me during the beginning of when I was away. I am even having the dragon tattoo Slade put on me removed on Monday, after we go to see Sondra and Natalie."

"Oliver are you sure you're ready? There's no hurry."

"I am. It's time. I don't need it anymore. I know what happened to Shado wasn't my fault and she wouldn't hold it against me. I was trying to save them both. I offered myself up but it was Ivo who chose to kill her. Not me. If I had saved her, Sara would have died. Ivo was determined to kill one of them. To punish me. So my hands would've never been free of their blood. But I know Shado would hate what happened to Slade and would say that it was his choice as well. I was just a vessel for his hate and pain to be directed at. I know that feeling but I never want it to control me again so I need to start letting all this guilt I carry around go. Like with Laurel. I have always felt guilty for stealing her sister from her. For hurting her like I did. Yes I cheated on her and hurt her. That is something I could have stopped but I didn't. But I am a different man now and all I can do is apologize and hope she will forgive me finally. As for Sara, she chose to get on that boat with me. Her original death was not all my fault. And her last one was all on Malcolm. I had nothing to do with it and should not punish myself for it. I should punish him. Or Sara should since it was her that was wronged, not me."

"Wow! Therapy really is helping you."

"Felicity, I finally have something to live for. I want to be here in the present, enjoying my life with you. Watching our kids grow and planning our future. No more looking back. No more living in past guilt or regrets. From now on, I am looking forward. To the life with my beautiful, remarkable wife by my side while we watch our kids play and our family grew and be happy. That is what I want now more than ever."

"That is all I have ever wanted, Oliver. You happy." Felicity whispered as she nuzzled deeper into his side, content that he was finally willing to give himself that happiness she was hoped for him.

"Well you have given it to me." Oliver sunk deeper into the headboard as he relaxed more. He could feel Felicity's mind still turning. A quiet groan escaped him as he chuckled. "You can read it if you want to."

"No! It's yours. You need somewhere to turn to and write down all that is troubling you and know that you can write anything, including about me, and I won't see it. You need a place to go that is all yours to vent and process things. On your own."

"Your curiosity is nagging at you, right?" Oliver teased.

"A bit but I can deal with that. You need this and I will support you."

"You truly are remarkable, Felicity." Oliver grinned as she gazed up at him. He lined up his lips and laced them with a delicate kiss, languishing her in his love. He pressed his forehead to hers afterwards, soaking up her warmth and contented energy. "So no more talk about better women than you? You understand that this is where I will always want to be. That when I asked you to marry I knew that meant forever and I couldn't think of a better way to spend my life. Right?"

"Yes. I mean you may have to remind me from time to time. I really like how you did that last week. Like a lot. I meant to ask. Where did you learn that spooning position? It felt amazing."

"Fe-li-ci-ty!" Oliver groaned, feeling himself already growing hard just remembering the feeling of her falling apart in his arms as he was buried inside her.

"Right. Right. Anyway. As long as you remind me from time to time when I start down that dumb road. And I don't mean by buying me a bunch of things. Just tell me. I promise to work on it."

"Okay. Now how about we going downstairs and put these in some water and see how dinner is coming. Your mom should be bringing Connor home for dinner soon."

"Mom has Connor?"

Oliver slid of the bed and pulled the covers back to help Felicity out of the bed as well. "Yeah when Adira said you went home and were talking about not going to the ball and not feeling well, I knew why so I asked your mom to take Connor for a bit so we could talk and not be interrupted."

"Baby." Felicity sighed sweetly, moved by his devotion to her.

"You're important Felicity and I needed to fix this. Right away."

Felicity kissed him on the lips, a quick peck, as she moved passed him and out of the nursery; the large bouquet of flowers in hand as she breathed in their fragrance again. Oliver smiled as he flipped the light off, his eyes coasting over the two cribs that would soon be filled.