I was sitting at the end of the bed naked, and trying to figure out whether I should be terrified or horny.
Fang kneeling in front of me, knees spread apart all the better to pleasure herself.

With all 4 fingers no less!

Gorging herself on my rather sizeable length. It's sticky fluids spreading themselves around her lips, and dripping down onto her glorious chest. And every few inches, she bit down hard and swallowed her conquest whole.

I've never had a dick. I've never wanted to have one. But every time she does that I die a little.

Fang had developed something of a fetish.

I see you're already brainstorming ideas for Pulse's annual understatement of the year contest.

Ever since Vanille had revealed she was in a serious relationship with Hope. Like, she had taken to buying contraceptives by the trolley full.

Like there were days she spent so long on her back you could get away with declaring her in a vegetative state.

Like, if they were both at home and not fucking, then both of them must be dead.

Like, Hope is getting so much pussy, he is retroactively overriding his status of the most pansiest pansy who ever lived to pansy.

Woah, hey woah. That's going a bit far. Hope would have to fuck his way through a line of babes long enough to stretch around the world and back to even come close to removing his pansiest pansy status.

Well, yeah. But their relationship is so serious that they spend enough time indoors to make Hope's pale skin finally make the transition to completely transparent.

Yeah well, ever since Fang found out, she had started to show signs of an over indulgence in patisserie. And, of course, with Fang's sex drive it was only a matter of time until she married the two.

Don't ever use 'married' and 'Hope and Vanille are in a serious relationship' in the same train of thought.

Don't even.

I just end up picturing the kids; all energetic and bubbly until they start cutting themselves because they stubbed their toe.

He did lose his mum.

Actually, you know what, I reckon Vanille's kids would keep smiling while they dug the knife in...

It's really beside the point what their future kids might be like.

Of course. Keep telling the story.

So, the end result of Vanille telling Fang she was in a relationship with Hope was Fang gorging on exorbitant pastries while simultaneously having incredibly erotic and passionate sex.

What about yesterday when she got, what was it, like a dozen profiteroles and shoved them up your...

They don't need to know about that.

But, but, it's a really funny story! You remember, the last one just wouldn't come out, everything she did just kept on pushing it deeper so we had to wait until...

Shut the fuck up before I dig you out with a skewer.

...

Anyway. Today's endeavour involved me wearing a contraption usually dedicated to housing a irresponsibly large dildo, even by mine and Fangs standards, that instead has played holster to nearly half a dozen equally irresponsibly large chocolate covered éclair.

Not all at the same time though. That would just be silly. As much as I would like to see her try and fit that much into her mouth at once...

Ahem. Yes, well, good point, no, not all at once.

She would have to dislocate her jaw surely. Imagine, opening her mouth as wide as it can go, before shoving them in. There is no way they would fit, but that wouldn't stop her trying. She would wrap both hands around the lot and squeeze, sticky custard spurting out all over a hands and face. So much of it, a whole bunch would end up in her eyes I'm sure; when she finally fits her lips around them all the chocolate would rub of onto her cheeks, the custard leaking out the corners of her mouth and down her neck onto her breasts. She'd thrust her head back and forth along their length sending custard spraying everywhere; she wouldn't hold back either, she'd go right down to the base. You'd be able to see the bulge down her throat...

I, um. Yeah. That's how it would... um. Yes.

Anyway. Once she had finished one, there was a pile of them sitting nearby that she would put on and begin again.

*Chomp*

"Ohhh... Ohhhhh... OHHHHHHHHH!"

Fang took one last bite as her eyes rolled back into her head, her back arched, and she thrust her fingers in weeeeelll past the first knuckle, and then, chocolate infused orgasm finished she slumped backwards onto the floor. Her right hand still embedded deep in her snatch, and her left resting on her breast where she had been fondling her nipples.

I have a new favourite way to die. Hands down.

I'm not going to argue with you there. If not for her bountiful chest heaving up and down, I would nearly believe she had indeed died. Her eyes were still open, but glazed over; you could tell whatever she was seeing, it was not my concerned gaze looking her over, nor anything of this world.

Pfft. "Concerned". I am literally inside your head. I know you are weighing up exactly how fucked it would be if you licked the chocolate of her face and tits before having a gourmet session of your own south of the waist.

I can feel more than two things at once!

Yeah. The left tit, and the right tit. Three actually, if you count her inner folds as you bury your face nose deep in her pussy.

Yeah. Well. I'm going to put her in bed, all right? So you can stop with the guilt trip.

I was so not guilt tripping you. I was trying to encourage you to take the plunge. So to speak.

Sure you were.

The problem I alluded to earlier becomes apparent when I try and pick Fang up and put her gently into bed.

Besides the fevered obsession with eating and sex...

Not so much the second one...

That started after her best friend, with whom she is not currently in a sexual relationship with I might add, said she had found a special someone?

Yeah, besides that.

An obsession which over the course of several weeks and numerous attempts to address in conversation has continued to grow unabated. An obsession which leaves her incapacitated for hours at a time...

Only if I do my job right.

Don't be cute. An obsession which ends with her in a sugar induced coma...

I still think the coma is thanks to the sex...

...that you just described as nearly resembling the appearance of the recently dead? Besides that problem?

Well, yeah.

And what problem would that be, pray tell.

I think you know.

I want to hear you say it.

Well, it is the problem that she is nearly three times as big as she used to be just a few weeks ago.

You vain bitch.

Hey, no, woah, that is not even, not even close to why I have a problem with this and you know it damn well.

Is that so?

Yeah, yeah! Look, when I look at her I still get so turned on I can barely control myself. Fang will never be ugly too me. But tripling your weight in three weeks is a serious health problem. And never mind the physical health issues she is clearly in some mental distress. And we need to do something about it, and soon.

I'm not sure I believe you...

You should.

... but regardless, you are right. We need to sort things out. Which means, we need to talk to Vanille. Now get Fang in bed, clean her up...

Mmmmm...

With a wet cloth or something! You filthy girl. Now hurry up and get dressed. We'll meet Vanille for lunch and gently inform her about the situation.

I just hope that Vanille doesn't show up with Hope's cock in her mouth.

You and me both.