Author's note: sorry it has been a while... holidays are busy with three families to visit (technically 4 visits because my family get us twice)... anyway I am getting close to the end of this story and have decided there will be a short story after it for our little ones arrivals... so I have 6 chapters for you now and next time I post will be the end of this one and possible the full short story... not sure yet
As always a big thanks to my beta warehouseluver13 for all your hard work
Please review and check out my polyvore for this story... I try to message back on reviews but I may not get all of them... I do read and love each one
Disclosure: I own nothing of Arrow or it would never go off for any hiatus... missing it terribly right now.
"Hey! It's been a while. I was afraid you weren't coming back." Mitchell Pierce called as Oliver stood up off the bench he had been sitting on.
"Yeah sorry about that. Life's gotten a bit crazy here recently. And after the last meeting, I wasn't sure how Kassandra felt about me coming back to the office. Or you for that matter."
"Oliver you are always welcome at the office. Everything get cleared up?" Mitchell asked as he took a seat next to Oliver.
"Yeah. Turns out not telling your pregnant wife that you have been in therapy is never a good idea. She thought I was having an affair. When she told her suspensions to our friends they seeked me out and you know the rest. But we talked and I told her what happened to cause me to seek out help and how our sessions usually go. She was surprised at first since I've never been too easy at openly talking about my emotions but then she saw how I had changed and realized the therapy was helping."
"That's good. So why did you miss your appointment this week?"
"We had some family emergencies and then I fell ill afterwards. I am just returning to work today."
"Ah! So what's up? You sounded upset on the phone."
"I think I messed up big this time. Trust issues is something I have always struggled with. Well so has Felicity. When she was a kid, her adad walked out on her and her mom, leaving them to struggle through life. She made the best out of the situation and turned into a remarkably driven woman. But she always had men walk out on her. She had a guy she was really serious about in college who got her in some trouble then dropped her. He said it was the best thing to do for her but it still hurt her. While we were still friends, well she had a little crush on me and I was beginning to really fall for her, she had to tell me something she found out about my mom and was afraid that I would blame her for ruining the relationship I had with my mother. I promised she would never lose me so she told me."
"And she never did lose you. You stayed right by her."
"Not really. I finally worked up to tell her about my feelings and ask her out about this time last year. But something bad happened and I thought it wasn't safe for her to be around me. See with my name, people are still blaming me for my mom's part of the Undertaking or trying to hurt me or get money from me by hurting those I care about. I love Felicity so much that I never want to see her hurt. Especially if I am involved in anyway. So I pushed her away. I pushed her into the arms of another man and had to watch her be happy with him."
"I know that feeling. When I first got hurt, I was going through so much and had so many dark thoughts that I thought Kass would be better off with a guy not so broken and damaged. She put an end to those thoughts fast."
"Exactly. That's what I was thinking too. Well I finally came clean to Felicity about my feelings and that I never wanted to be apart from her. She told me she loved me and when have been together pretty much since. We had planned to take a trip this summer, to figure out how we worked together without the strains of our lives. But then everything happened with Palmer and the company so we had to come back. We have faced everything together and only have gotten stronger with each step."
"Sounds good. So how did you mess up?"
"Well my insecurities are summed up in one thing, a thought that one day Felicity would get tired of my crazy life and all the strain and stress I bring into her life and leave me."
"I know that one well."
"Well I was at work, in meeting, and when I started heading back to my office, Felicity had her office which is right next to mine, blacked out. I just assumed she was taking a nap like she usually does but just a bit earlier today. She's been through a lot these last few days. I was going to just pass by but then I heard something."
"What?"
"Moaning. Passionate moaning. Then a man's voice. I lost it. I burst into her office only to find her stretched out on one of her sofas and the guy I heard had one of her feet in his hands. He had been giving her a foot rub. Granted a foot rub during an interview is a bit weird. But that is just Felicity and her craziness."
"A foot rub?"
"Yeah she is nearly 23 weeks pregnant so her feet are always killing her now. Well turns out she knew this guy while she was in college and they were good friends but lost touch over the years. So they were catching up when she mentioned her feet hurting and he offered to rub them for her. He said that it was just a friendly offer and meant nothing. But now she is pissed."
"Because you assumed she was cheating and questioned her on it like that?"
"Yep! God I'm an idiot. Last week her trust issues made her think I was cheating because I was keeping all this a secret from her and now my insecurities is making her think I don't trust her. She even asked if I needed to escort her around the building to make sure nothing happened. I'm gonna ruin my marriage and we've only been married a month. Most couples at this stage can't stand to be apart long enough to pee. No not us. We are hiding things and think the other is cheating. Well Felicity isn't hiding anything. That was just me."
"Why do you think Felicity would cheat on you?"
"She wouldn't. I know that. But my head just can't believe that someone like her is with someone like me. She is perfect and I come with so much damage and baggage, I could remind people of the lost and found at the airport."
"Oliver, do you think you don't deserve her?" Oliver nodded in agreement. "Why?"
"Well I guess because of all the horrible decisions and things I did in my past. I hurt or used or abused a lot of people, some were even good friends. I was tortured on the island and have seen the darkness in our world. I guess I just did so much evil in my past that I don't think I deserve redemption anymore."
"Oliver you have to allow yourself to forgive yourself. Some of those decisions were made by a kid. A youthful spirit. We all do stupid or selfish things at that stage in our lives. A sign of growing up it realizing that they were bad decisions and not making the again. Maybe even taking action to redeem yourself for them, whether it be through actual actions or just allowing those involved to issue forgiveness. Including yourself. As for the stuff on the island, you need to assign blame for those rightfully at fault and allow the guilt that you hold over your time away to be released. You didn't ask to have the ship sink and you to wash up on that island. You didn't ask to lose your father or mother the ways you did. When something bad happens in your life, you are willing to stretch reality and perception to any point in order to assign blame to yourself instead of those who are truly at fault. You will make enough mistakes in life, you don't need to load yourself down with those done by others. Understand?"
"Yeah. It's just hard. I mean most days I look myself in the mirror and all I see is the beast inside where she sees a prince. How do I deal with that?"
"Well ask her why she sees that prince. Try to see yourself through her eyes. When it is difficult to see it, have her explain it to you so you can see it better. And also talk to her. I know it is hard but a lot of why you see a beast is because you are still seeing all the bad you have done but maybe she is seeing good you have done that you aren't seeing. Stuff you're not aware of that she sees as good things. Women have a way of making the simplest things mean the world to them. I mean just bringing her a cup of coffee could turn her whole day around sometimes."
"Yeah, Felicity tells me that too. Simple is fine because she doesn't need money or big flashy gifts to see I care."
"So ask her. Maybe she has a favorite thing you have done that you can use as a happy place. A memory of a time together that really surprised her and made her fall for you more."
"Thanks, Mitchell. I'll talk to her. If I can get her to talk."
"Well how did that work last week? I mean a woman thinking you're cheating on her is usually a woman not willing to talk to you."
"I demanded her to let me talk and her to listen. I actually yelled it at her."
"Well maybe not yell it but demand to talk to her again. Let her know that you can only fix things if you two talk. But also let her know you are going to fight for your relationship. If it really matters and is truly desired for the right reasons, you should always be willing to fight for it."
"Oh I am willing to fight. I am willing to go to the ends of the Earth if it means that I get to keep Felicity in my life just one more moment."
"Well tell her that. She is in a fragile time frame but so are you. Your life is about to change dramatically. I mean a year ago you were a single guy asking a girl out. Now you are married with one kid and two one the way. That is a lot to take in. Everyone talks about the changes a woman goes through during a pregnancy but men do too. We are expected to just support them and stay silent about the changes and challenges we deal with during that time. It's never healthy to keep things bottled up. So tell her. She may not know about your insecurities or what you're going through right now."
Oliver knew deep down that Mitchell was right. He forgot that Felicity wasn't a mind reader, even though she always seemed to know what he was thinking before he did most days. "You're right, Mitchell. Thanks! I gotta go but just bill me for the full hour okay?" Oliver called out as he ran out of the park and hailed a cab in a hurry.
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A ping pulled the attention of three faces up. Jerry saw him first and smiled uncomfortably at him. "I take it she's back?" Oliver asked as he stepped up to Jerry.
"Yep and before you ask, yes she is still mad. Whatever happened this time was a doozy."
"Has she eaten?"
"Nope. I asked if she wanted anything real but she just grabbed another twizzler and glared at me so I let her be."
"Okay. Well I've got this. Is there anything important that needs to be handed today?"
"Not really. Not anything that can't wait until Monday."
"Adira, is there anything important on my schedule?" He called over towards his office. The middle eastern woman scanned over his schedule then shook her head. "Okay, reschedule everything we have scheduled then head home. I am giving all of us the rest of the day off. We all could use a break. I know she is tired and so am I. It has been a crazy week."
"Thank you Mr. Queen." Jerry smiled. "We will make the adjustments quickly and clear the floor so you two can talk."
"Thank you Jerry. Here goes nothing." Oliver took on finally breathe and puffed out his chest as he crossed into her office.
"Jerry I don't want anything to eat. I'm fine."
"I know you aren't just by the fact you're using that word. Remember? You banned it from our vocabulary."
Felicity had her back to the door and quickly wiped away the few remaining tears from her latest crying fit then turned to find Oliver standing in the middle of her office with a bag of Big Belly in his hand. "What do you want?" she snapped.
"To make sure my wife is eating because I know that she will be starving and the babies won't let her have a moment of peace if she is. I also want to talk to her and clear the air. Both of which will be happening. So you get to decided on the location. We can do all that here in your office or back at the house." Oliver walked up to her desk and sat the bag on it then placed his hands on the tabletop and leaned over so he was towering over her.
"I'm not hungry and I don't have time. I have things to do."
"Nothing that hasn't been rescheduled or can't wait until Monday." Oliver watched as she went to bury herself right back into the papers before her. "Jerry!" Oliver called loudly towards the door. Soon after the door opened and Jerry entered. Oliver glanced at the papers on her desk and Jerry got the idea right away. Without a spoken word, he crossed the room and started to gather up the papers Felicity had scattered all over her desk.
"Jerry, what the hell?"
"Your work day is done. So either go home or talk to your husband. Duncan?" Her other assistant entered the office. "Please disable Mrs. Queen's computers so that they are unusable until Monday morning." Duncan left and went back to his computer. A few moments later Felicity saw a lock screen fill her monitors. "It is a program I had installed to stop you from overworking. Now either go home or take that cute little butt of yours over to those sofas and eat and talk with your husband. That's an order."
"Who exactly made you my boss?"
"You two did when you asked me to help make sure that your life was calm and stress free so that those two angels would have a good start to life. I am pulling that card right now. And if you remember I made you agree that when I did, you had to listen and could not fight me or fire me. Only do as I say. Now move it."
Huffed out a puff of frustrated air, Felicity stood and moved over to the sofa. Oliver grabbed the bag and followed her. Jerry quickly finished grabbing the papers then smiled and left.
Oliver held out a cup for her, a chocolate milkshake with extra chocolate, as well as a huge burger and then cheese fries. She took them from him, glaring deeply at him as her anger continued to steep, but quickly began eating as her hunger became too much with the smells coming off the food.
"Well first off, I need to apologize. I'm sorry for assuming the worst. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I just have a few insecurities of my own and they made me act like an idiot."
"Oh really?! Like that is a surprise." Felicity noted sarcastically as she continued to eat.
"Yes I know. I do it a lot. But I am working on it. I met with Mitchell and talked things through. I was projecting my fears because I keep waiting until all of this, our life and all that it comes with, will be too much for you and you'll walk away. You'll want something simple. Something I just can't give you. I always felt that you were meant to be with a guy like Ray or Barry. Someone who went to work, came home, spent the evening with you at home and not hunting down drug dealers or crime lords. A guy that would give you the house with the white picket fence and kids and a dog. You know a picture perfect life like everyone wants. Don't get me wrong, being with you has been the best thing to ever happen in my life. But I just..."
"You don't think you deserve me. That I should be with someone more on my level. A real man with less baggage and problems and a simple boring life?"
"Exactly."
Felicity sighed heavily. "Oliver, I don't want simple and boring. I want our life. I know I complain about it and act like I would love to walk away from the whole night job and just live a simple quiet life. But the problem is I'm not a quiet simple girl. Not anymore. And I know I don't make things easy on you. I keep pushing you to open up. Tell me what you're thinking. But I never fully open up to you either. I mean I am pregnant and married in my 20's. I have an 8 year old son. I'm about to give birth to two more children. And I am the second highest executive at my job and married to the CEO. I know I am under a lot of pressure but I never asked about you." Felicity sniffled as she fought back a sob, tears beginning to stream down her face again.
"Sweetheart." Oliver stood from the sofa across from her and moved to sit next to her, wrapping her up in his embrace. "It's not your fault. You're trying your best to do what you need to do to make sure our family is happy and safe. We have had a lot happen in the last few months that would shake even the strongest people and you have weathered it beautifully." Oliver wiped away her tears and began to gently rock her. "Yes I am a bit overwhelmed as well. I mean this time last year I had just asked you out. I had only said I love you to you once and you thought it was part of a hoax. Now we are married. My 8 year old son from a previous relationship, if you can call a one night stand a relationship, is now living with us. We are expecting two more children, which are technically our first children together. Your mother has moved to town and is working above our old lair and has learned about our night jobs. Sara has come back from the dead and so has Tommy. Laurel is now a significant part of the team along with Sara and Nyssa. Thea has learned about my secret and is also on the team. Her father is currently in our Bunker in a pod and is the size of a tater tot. So yeah we have had a couple of crazy months in this last year."
"Not to mention you almost dying and being gone for 6 weeks only to show back up and want Malcolm to train you to defeat Ra's and when you did you gave the League of Assassins to Malcolm and an all new psychopath entering our life. As well as a few new friends like Talia, Tatsu, Constantine and Zed." Felicity laughed as she tried to ease the tension between them.
"Exactly. Anyone would go a bit crazy with all that's happening. So let chalk today and last week up to our crazy brains and hearts. Sound good?"
"Yeah. You do know I would never do that right? Cheat I mean. Baby, you are the only man I want. Logan Rogers was never going to happen."
"I know. I just know how amazing and remarkable you are. And if I can see it then so can other men."
"Wow! I never thought I would see the day. Oliver Queen, playboy and billionaire extraordinaire, jealous! That's is not a shade of green I thought I would ever see on you."
"Well of course when I have a angel like you in my life. I will always be jealous of any man, or even woman, that could possible take you away from me. Because I never want you away from me."
"Well I never want to be anywhere else. I am sorry about earlier. HR set up all the interviews and I didn't get a list of the applicants until after you left for the meeting or I would have told you about Logan."
"So you like him as your replacement?"
"Yeah. He will do a great job and the fact that I know how he operates personally means training him in my systems will be easy. He is almost as organized as I am. He is also a slight neat freak so I know my office will be well kept while I am away."
"Wait he will work out of your office up here?"
"Well of course. He is going to need to talk to you frequently, especially if we continue down the road with the solar panel project. It just makes sense for him to work out of my office, at least until I get back fully. Why?" Felicity explained as she continued to eat her lunch.
Oliver swallowed the bite he had taken when she talked he smiled, "It's just that this room was always meant for you to use. Only you."
"Oh Baby! If it means that much to you then I can see if he can work out one of the offices down the hall."
"No you're right. We will be working closely together so we need to be close by. But the second you are back he is out of this office."
"Deal. And as for everything else, you know you can talk to me right?"
"Yeah I just don't want to add one more thing to the long list of things you handle on a daily basis."
"But isn't that what marriage is. Relying on each other to work through all the times, both good and bad. Being able to fall on the other person when your world is throwing too much at you at one time and knowing they can do the same when they need to."
"Yeah. I guess so. Never really had a good example."
"Me either. So let's promise that we will always talk. About whatever is bothering us. With no judgement or pressure. Sound good?"
"Sounds perfect but I have something to ask you to do as well."
"What?" Felicity asked as she grabbed a few of Oliver's fries and ate them since hers were long gone but she was still hunger.
"One of the main reasons I think I feel like I'm not good enough for you is that I only see the monster in me. I don't see the good that you do. So when I need to, will you tell me about him? Help me to find him and be that man more often than the monster?"
"Of course. I would love to do that. Then maybe you will see why I love you so much because you'll see yourself through my eyes. I only ask that you do the same for me. We can work on our trust issues and other insecurities together to defeat them. So that in the end, we are together and happy and in love. Always."
"Always." Oliver whispered against her lips as he pressed his against hers. When he pulled back for air he smiled mischievously. "Want to see if I can make you moan like you did earlier?"
Felicity gasped then laughed as she watched him jump up and run to his office to lock down the floor and fog up both of their offices, because he planned on finally christening both of their desks along with several other surfaces in their offices.