Hello readers! Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas whether you celebrated or not.
New chapter! Im late but at least it's a long chapter! I couldn't finish it on time and I still need to proof read it, so sorry for any mistakes! Enjoy!
Slowly I open my heavy eyelids as a dim light blinds my vision. When the blurriness fades I realize I'm lying in a bed. Exhausted as I am I remain laying still, staring at the wooden ceiling, trying to gather my thoughts.
At least I'm not in that cell anymore.
But where am I?
My thoughts are hazy as I try to put the puzzle of events together. Flashes of the moments before blacking out appear like a series of pictures in my mind. Images of Levi, the courtroom and Zack pass by.
That's when realization strikes me. I wonder... what is the verdict? I think I blacked out when Levi gave me one blow too much for me to handle. Levi... The look in his eyes when he stood before me. My head throbs at the thought, he kissed me a week before, how does he actually feels about me?
Well, I have nothing to complain about. I guess I expected worse from him the moment he confronted me. Instead, he offered me help. I roll over to sit on the edge of the bed. Breathing hurts, moving my body hurts. Fuck... everything hurts like hell.
The door slowly opens as the man I was just thinking about walks in, staring absentmindedly down the floor while he's carrying something with both hands.
"And?" The question leaves my lips the second I lay my eyes on him. His eyes shoot up, startled he looks up to me and turns around to put the tray on the desk. I think I caught him off guard with my question, or simply me being conscious again.
"For now you're in our hands." He speaks up while he's sorting something.
"What happened?" I ask and as he turns again, he walks over to me while dragging a chair next to the bed.
"Look up." He instructs. Gently he stokes my cheek with his thumb and then starts cleaning a cut, a stinging pain spreads across my cheek when he presses a cloth against it. Slightly I pull back from the discomfort, frowning while as I feel pain creep up from all over my body. Immediately he freezes in his movements and pulls back. "After you lost consciousness you were brought here and we continued. Zackley decided to hand you over to us in the end." He explains as a matter of fact. He puts a damp towel to my forehead. "Keep it there."
"So I didn't endure that for nothing." I think out loud as I keep the towel in place and Levi hums in agreement. "I'm glad." I breath out and lie flatly on the mattress, my head slowly sinks into the pillow as I catch myself becoming sleepy the moment I relax my body.
"What would you do if you were handed over to the Military Police?"
What would I do? Confused I eye him but he doesn't notice, or he pretends not to. "There isn't much I could do, is there?"
"You would go down like that?" He now shifts his gaze to meet mine.
A grin appears on my face. "You're right... I wouldn't. If I succeeded in escaping somehow I would kill the bastard that set me up with this. If not, Kay would've done it. So that would be satisfying enough. I guess if such an irrational plan wouldn't work..." I breathe out a heavy sigh that I've been suppressing all this time. "I'd just accept my fate. Probably cause them trouble until my last moments."
"Does that mean you already know who did it?"
"Huh?" I open my eyes and look up to him. His full attention directed towards me as he lays some equipment down.
"You said you would escape and kill the one that set you up with it, and otherwise Kay would've done it. Forgot to say you would have to figure out who it is first?"
I smile and nod at his comment. "You know, even though you seem disinterested at times, you actually pay attention to what I'm saying."
"So that means you do?"
"Maybe."
"Jaclyn."
"Alright, alright. Yes I do." I shrug, it's no use trying to hide the facts now. After all, I do want to catch him, and Levi along with the Survey Corps share the same goal.
"Save it for later, we'll meet up with Hanji today."
Confused I watch him as he already continued treating my wounds, cutting an end to the topic. Part of me wants ask why he doesn't demand an answer straight away. That now when he knows I hold the answer they're all looking for, he still doesn't force it. I study his familiar calm and collected face but somehow... something seems off, different. But I can't pinpoint what exactly looks or feels out of place.
I squeeze my eyes shut and inhale sharply as he presses against my bruised stomach. "Can you not do that?" I say annoyed as he ignores my complaints and keeps adding pressure on several places.
"It only hurts here?" He asks as his fingertips press into my purple bruised skin.
"Obviously." I say through gritted teeth. I pull the towel that lays on my forehead over my eyes, trying not to focus on whatever he's doing and the pain on my stomach.
"Jaclyn?" I faintly hear Levi's voice call my name, and then again a second time louder.
"What is it?" I ask as I pull the towel from my eyes. I blink a few times, the room to my surprise almost pitch black, there's only a dim light that enters from the hallways and illuminates Levi's figure standing in the threshold. "I fell asleep?" I ask, my voice sounding only like a hoarse whisper.
"It has only been two hours. We need to leave to meet up with Hanji. Go change, I'll be waiting outside." He says before he closes the door again and switches the light in the room on.
I change into the clothes that are folded on the desk. Black trousers and a white hoodie. Even in the dim lights my bright hued bruises are clearly visible on my stomach. When I'm ready I open the door and Levi is leaning against the wall next to it. "Let's go." He says as I follow him.
We walk through the silent hallways, making our way outside. When Levi opens the door the present sound of rain is audible. Even though it's evening, the gravel gray clouds are visible and moving fast as they let a million drops fall. The rain is drumming against the roof of the carriage that is presumingly waiting for us. I put my hoodie on and we quickly walk over as Levi opens the door and motions for me to step in. Immediately when he closes the door we begin moving.
"Where are we going?" I ask as the silence is a bit uncomfortable. Neither I or he has said a word about what he did to me at the court room. Not that I want to talk about it, but it feels like an unspoken matter that lingers between us, making it uneasy for me to sit in silence.
"Didn't I tell you. To meet Hanji."
"I know that. I meant where, why not just in this building?" I say as I let out a yawn. I'm still slow and exhausted. It feels like one of the longest days I've lived but I know it's nowhere near finished yet. When I get no response I give up. Perhaps before all this I would but right now I wont try my best to pull the answers out of him.
I stare out of the window as I let my head rest against it. Where are Jonah and Kay right now? I wonder. They didn't visit me back in that room, probably weren't allowed. Even though Jonah defended me back there, offered me what seemed like an earnest smile, I can't help but think he doesn't want to see me anymore now he knows who I really am, or was, used to be...
These painful thoughts drain all energy out of me, the uncertainty about Kay also doesn't sit well. I rest my elbow on my knees and I grope my hair tightly as I stare down the wooden floor.
"Do you hate me? Levi's voice suddenly interrupts.
"What?"
He sighs, wanting to repeat himself. "I asked, do you-"
"No." I now interrupt. "I heard you the first time." I peek through the strands of hair that hover over my eyes. "Aren't you the one that in a harsh, painful way helped me?" I smile and see that he frowns at my words, my lighthearted tone doesn't exactly match the words I spoke. "Honestly, I couldn't hate you, not after what you did for me." I say and look out of the window again.
He simply hums in understanding and when I peer over to him, I see his tense muscles and shoulders relax. The faintest of smiles tugging his lips.
That is what was bothering him? It amazes me, the thought that I could hate him at this point lingered in his brain. He helped me time and time again and when he found out I deceived him, he continued offering me his help without ever asking anything in return. He's more like a savior to me. The air in the little space suddenly feels, lighter, more comfortable. Perhaps that's why something felt odd, because I feel more at ease after I made sure that in fact, I do not resent him in the slightest.
The rain is still pouring down heavily and the crackling sound of thunder booms. My tiring thoughts along with the movements of the carriage almost rock me back to sleep but when the lightning lights everything up for a brief second, I recognize the road we're driving on. I've walked this path countless times when walking towards the city. The carriage abruptly comes to a halt and Levi steps out first as I follow him.
I'm standing in front of my home. Why are we here?
Levi walks up to the door as if he's the one that lives here. He knocks twice. The door opens and Levi enters before Kay's eyes fall on me. "Come in!" He yells, his voice just audible due the rainfall. I slowly walk up to the door as he meets me halfway, his arms tightly closing around me. I bury my head in his shirt as I let out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry, for everything." I whisper.
"Quit apologizing already." He says as he pulls slightly away to look at me. "There's nothing you could've done differently."
I nod as I force myself to smile. I'm happy if he truly believes that, but the fact that I got him involved... I can never forgive myself. "Let's go inside." He insists and I nod. He walks behind me with a firm guiding hand of reassurance against my back.
The moment I enter the house all heads are turned to me. Hanji, Levi and Jonah sit at the table together with another person who sits with their back to me. My eyes widen when they're locked with the person I least expected to see, like ever. Well, I didn't expect to be here at my home to begin with, let alone with these people.
"Long time no see my darling!" She hugs me and I loosely take her in my arms, dumbfounded to see her again.
"Alys, you too... what are you doing here?" I ask confused.
"She's here help you out." Kay interrupts before she's able to respond. She turns and broadly smiles at him before directing her attention to me again.
She leans over and whispers in my ear. "Just for the record, to them I'm just a member of the Military Police, so you might want to keep your mouth shut when they're around." She says cheerily and I nod, a small smile forming on my lips. She lets go and takes a seat, motioning for me to sit next to her. I've never had six people sitting around my now seemingly small looking table.
"Jonah why are you here?" I ask as I sit down, Kay's hands resting on my shoulders.
"I'll be helping out with the plan." He says stern with determination.
I appreciate it a lot, but I honestly don't want him to help me out, especially with this. Why do they keep offering me a helping hand while all I've been doing is deceiving them, I truly don't understand, but it selfishly does make me happy. Still, I don't want to drag more people into this. "You won't be able to change my mind." He says before I was able to mutter another word.
"I can't accept that." I say just above a whisper, my head hanging low as everyone goes silent.
"Whether you accept the help or not... If you won't, we will." Levi says, leaving no room for me to argue. "Hanji, what did you come up with?" He then glances over to her as she intertwines her fingers and starts to explain.
"It's too risky." I conclude, not that I can argue or my opinion matters - still it doesn't hold me back from speaking my mind.
"But it's what we'll be doing." Jonah confirms. I guess I'll have to get used to this new side of him, until now everything had been all smiles and jokes but suddenly there's no room for that anymore.
I stand up and stride to the door. "I'm going to take a walk." I say and throw it closed behind me as I faintly hear my name being called.
It's now pitch black outside as the moon and stars are hidden away due the thick dark thunder clouds and rain that is pouring down the heavens. The leaves and branches crunch and crack under my feet as I walk through the woods. I put my hoodie on to shelter myself from the rain. After a five minute fast pace walk I stand before a place I wanted to go to for a while, but had no opportunity to visit so far.
I crouch down to my knees and take April's necklace from my pocket. Kay retrieved it from her lifeless body and gave it to me. That means they've brought it back to the walls and burned it along with all the other fallen soldiers.
I put my hands into the earth and start digging a hole. Before I put it in, I take a last good look at it. I don't even know what it meant to her, but she wore it at all times so it must have its importance. I cover it with earth again and I unfold my hands, letting the heavy raindrops wash away the earth from my fingers.
I glance over to the side where I see an bouquet of wilted flowers, brought by me roughly half a year ago for friends whom I had lost a couple of years back. Don't tell me I'll be sitting here next time for of Kay... or...
I shake my head, trying to shake the thoughts away. Even though I try to protect them with all my might, why am I sitting here, remembering the three people I loved most. Each tragic death is one too many. I'm determined to keep the ones that are still alive here with me even if it costs me my own.
Between the gushing wind and the pouring rain I suddenly notice odd sounds. I sit still as I try to concentrate and now I can clearly hear footsteps coming my way. Cautiously I peer over my shoulder and see Levi approaching.
"I didn't mean to interrupt." He says as he comes to a halt beside me, glancing over to the flowers and freshly dug up earth.
He puts a jacket over my shoulders and instantly I can feel the warmth embrace me as the fabric shelters me from the icy raindrops. Instinctively I tightly grip the material and pull it closer to me.
"Thank you." I mutter, not sure if I was loud enough for Levi to hear.
"Why are you sitting here?" He asks as he crouches next to me.
"To remember the people I have lost over the years." I speak softly but just loud enough for him to make out the words. I've always come alone to this place, nobody knows that I go here from time to time, to clear my mind and cherish the people I love.
"We should probably head back, you're drenched." He says after a moment of silence, I can feel his heavy gaze observe my unsure frame and reluctant I agree. Goosebumps start forming on my skin as the rain now seeps through the coat. I put it on properly as he pulls me up. My knees are covered in mud and my skin underneath is also soaked.
I look up to Levi's face, I had only thought about my own tiredness that I didn't see the bags under his eyes. His hair hangs heavy around his face, seemingly darker because it's wet as the drops fall down to his cheeks.
Without thinking I cup his wet cheek and stroke my thumb over his skin. "You're cold." I think out loud.
He covers his warm hand over mine as he brings it back down. "Don't worry about me." He says and starts walking.
"I wasn't." Quickly I follow him and as we walk back in silence I notice that we both shiver. I only then realize he's not wearing a jacket and I'm wearing his. When another thunder light is visible through the dense leaves I see that there's no dry spot left on his blouse and his abs are even visible because the fabric sticks to him like glue. I shake the coat off and put it around his shoulders. "At least I'm wearing a hoodie." I argue before he gets the chance to protest.
Suddenly he pulls me close, his hands wrapping around my hip, holding me along with his jacket, sheltering us both. "Otherwise we'll both catch a cold."
I huff but don't protest. "If you say so."
Levi walks in front and opens the door as I follow him inside. When I stand at the threshold I hear noises behind me and turn around. Before I realize there's someone here, I'm greeted by a fist. I stumble and fall onto my back in the house as I see a figure standing before me. "Wha-" I begin but my voice dies when the person climbs on top of me, I realize it's Ethan. I haven't seen or spoken to him in over a year now. I blink a few times before I open my mouth to talk but he grabs my neck and slams it to the ground. "It's all your fault!" He yells and punches me in my face.
Levi grabs him by his collar and throws him away from me with ease. When I push myself off the ground I see that Levi has his foot onto his chest. "Who's this brat?" He asks confused, glancing down to him with a frown on his face.
Focused on Ethan I dismiss Levi's question. "Ethan what the fuck are you doing? What is my fault?" I ask confused and irritated.
When Levi realizes I know him he lifts his foot, giving Ethan the space he needs and immediately gets to his feet.
"Don't act stupid, Jaclyn." He hisses, looking hatefully looks at me.
"I'm not someone who plays dumb. Get to the point." I say irritated, still not knowing what he's talking about. He walks over to me and I notice he's holding onto a knife. Levi sees it too and takes a step to take action but I hold my hand up.
"What are you planning to do with that? Kill me?" I ask. "You know you can't win." I say and his grip around it tightens. He swings it at me and I stop him, holding his wrist and turning it up as he lets go. The knife clatters onto the ground and I kick his ankle as he falls onto his back. I get to my knees and grip his throat. When he opens his eyes, tears are streaming uncontrollably. Startled I widen my eyes and slightly loosen my grip.
"It's your fault they're dead! My friends in the underground. You even managed to get April killed!" He yells.
"I didn't kill anybody." I say through gritted teeth, voice low.
"Ethan? Jaclyn what are you doing?" I look up to Kay who just walked into the room. "Where have you been the past few weeks?" He asks confused, gaze directed to the boy lying under me.
Ethan never takes his eyes of me as he talks again. "I sent the letter to Erwin." He softly confesses and the room goes quiet. I let go of him and stare at him with parted lips. I want to say something but decide actions will speak louder than words.
I bawl my fist and punch him across the face. "You better tell me that's a bad joke." I look to him but his face remains the same as he swallows hard.
"Ethan." Kay starts softly. "Why?"
"Because she's the one who brought April in danger!" He answers Kay. "You're responsible for her death!" He shouts to me.
I take the knife he held from the ground and press it against his throat. "If you really fucking believe it is me that killed them, you should handle it with me!" I press harder and he holds both of my hands. "Kay is also in trouble because of you! You fucking idiot! I knew I should've never trusted you." I say and restrain myself from pushing any harder.
"Kay on who's side are you. This bitchs' side that you only know for three years, or me, the person that has always been there for you!" He shouts as his eyes eventually leave mine, looking over to Kay.
"That's enough." Kay says and walks over to us. I take the hint and let his throat go, throwing the knife away as it slides over the ground to the other side of the room.
"Well?" Ethan persistently asks with a threatening tone.
"Don't you fucking dare make him choose! You know very well he loves and cares about you!" I yell as my patients will reach its limit soon.
"I need to hear it from him. Choose me over her." Ethan looks up to Kay.
He seems dubious. "I can't do that." He answers hesitant while I furrow my brows at his answer. He won't lose me if he chooses Ethan over me. I know him, I know he cares about me and I don't need proof unlike this idiot. So why isn't he simply saying what Ethan wants to hear?
"So you choose her, I see." Ethan says calmly and pushes me away as I let him stand up.
When I look to Kay, tears seem to prickle his eyes. Only on the first day I met him have I seen him like this, when three of his friends died. Since then he never wavered once no matter the situation. To think that it's Ethan's fault he's like this makes me flare up with anger.
I'm aware Levi is still in the room and decide to not talk out loud. I walk over to Ethan and slam his body against the wall next to the door. I talk softly so only the two of us are able to hear it. "I won't kill you because Kay will never forgive me if I do. However, get into my way once more and I won't fucking hesitate." I take a step back and give him space to walk out of the door.
Wordlessly he opens it and immediately rain and wind enter the house as thunder booms. "Get out and don't think you can ever step foot in here again." I say and slam the door behind him shut. My eyes remain glued onto the door as I take in everything that has happened. "I'm sorry." I say and turn around. Kay and Levi stand next to the table as they both stare at me with different expressions. I only now realise I'm still dripping wet as drops of rainwater fall from my hair and clothing. Kay throws a towel to my face, I put it over my head and rub it dry as I'm suddenly pulled into a hug. I peek from under the towel and see Kay.
"It's fine, I won't forgive him for this." He whispers and I nuzzle into his chest.
"It's your friend, whatever happens between us has nothing to do with you." I say and he puts his hand over my mouth.
"And I decided I won't forgive him for selling you out." He says and manages a weak smile. "Now I need to prepare things with Hanji, she's waiting outside for me." He kisses me on my forehead and turns to Levi. "Take care of her." He says and Levi nods a single time. Kay leaves and when he shuts the door behind him, it's suddenly quiet again.
I glance over to the ticking clock and realise it's only ten o'clock.
"Do you need anything?" I ask him.
He shakes his head. "Kay already gave me everything. I'll take a shower." He says and walks up the stairs like he has been living here.
I sit down on the chair and stretch my legs as I let my head fall backwards. I grunt and let a shaky sigh escape my lips. The sound of raindrops falling from my soaked clothing and the ticking of the clock are the only sounds I hear. I try to focus on them and numb out my thoughts, not wanting to think about Ethan, April or the look in Kay's eyes just now.
I stand up and shuffle the few steps towards the kitchen as I absently boil water for some tea, pour myself a mug and sit back down at the table.
According to the plan I'll be sitting here with Levi until Zack contacts me, which won't take too long, of that I'm sure. I bet he's sweating about the situation, afraid of me spilling his little secret.
"Fucks sake." I breath out, looking at the mugs content, staring at my reflection. From all the people, it was Ethan who sent the letter. I'd like to say it doesn't affect me, but his words were like knifes thrown into my heart. He honestly believes the one that's responsible for April's death is me and the fact that he thinks that hurts me more than I'd like to admit. After all even if we weren't close, he and April were. Ethan and I never really got along but I would never sell him out like that, I would also never expect that he'd do it to me. I actually trusted him.
"You'll get sick if you sleep here." I jolt awake from my dazed state and stand up. Levi is standing in the kitchen and preparing himself some tea. Slowly I walk up the stairs. I open the door of the bathroom and it's still foggy from Levi's previous shower. I take off the drenched clothes and step into the shower as I let the warm water run over my skin. I rest my palms against the wall as I lean forward so that my head is directly under the water. I rub my face and try to not think of anything right now. After cleaning my body and shampooing my hair I turn the water off and step out into the cold room. I dry myself and wrap a towel over my head and body as I walk to my bedroom.
I bump against something in the hallway and when I look up I see Levi standing here. I sigh and mutter. "Sorry I wasn't looking." Before I brush past him over to my room.
"Don't apologise, it doesn't suit you." He says. Confused and maybe a little bit annoyed I turn around. "I've heard you say it more times these past few days than the last six months." He adds and disappears into Kay's room.
He must've offered his bed to Levi. I'm glad Kay already took care of everything in advance so now I won't have to do that on top. I remain standing in the hallway and when the drops fall from my hair into a puddle on the ground I realise I've been standing here for a while. In a slow pace I walk over to my room and change into my pyjama shorts and T-shirt. With a groan I fall onto my bed and stare up the ceiling as tears stream down to my ears.
Next week a new chapter!
I wish you all a happy new year and be safe! (⌒-⌒; )
Cha: i'm glad to made your day and understand the motivation of reviews ahah! This chapter was nice and i like the way you turn the situation, hopping Jaclyn will be okay and back to the survey corps ! good luck for next chapter (Sorry for my english) :) - ah thank you once again! And don't apologise for your English, it isn't my first langue either but we're trying ^з^