Disclaimer: Well, considering I'm not richer than England royalty, I don't own Harry Potter. Or Twilight.
Story: The books happened. And then Harry decided to happen. So he did, living his life and traveling the world. Then Teddy comes into his care and he decides to settle down in Forks, somehow drawing attention even when he doesn't want it. Teddy is just exasperated and having his own fun.
Set after book 7, AU Epilogue and slightly altering the final battle.
Spoilers: Books 1-7 probably.
Warnings: ????
Pairings: Harry/Marcus, Bella/Carlisle, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Esme/Charlie, Teddy/Leah, Sam/Jacob, Edward/Tanya…
A/n: Sorry I didn't reply to everyone. I just wanted to get this out. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed!

Stranger Happenings
Chapter Three: Nonexistent Fairytales

"Good morning, Harry," Bella cheerfully greeted him, though she still looked pale and slightly weary.

He gave her a big grin and she blushed, instantly brightening up more. It had been four days since he'd found her in that forest.

"You sure you don't mind me hanging out here so much?" Bella asked worriedly.

Harry shrugged, "Nah. I'll be fine looking like the creepy child molester luring young girls like yourself here. Or boys like Jacob."

She rolled her eyes, "You have the oddest humor, you know that? And you wouldn't look creepy. You're the charming, unsuspecting child molester."

"Oh woe is me."

Bella giggled, "It is a small town. Gossip does tend to get wild around here."

The jet-haired man groaned, "Don't tell me they're actually saying things like that already? Gossip, gossip, gossip. Can't seem to escape it…"

She shook her head, "Oh no. The townsfolk haven't said anything like that. I think it's because they like you too much to say anything bad. They've all been rather quite charmed by you."

"Mm, maybe instead of young girls and boys, I can lure innocent townsfolk into my lair, like a vampire would."

He saw her flinch at the mention of vampire.

"Bella, I have something for you to see," Harry led her to the large garage he had, where he secretly had a bunch of different cars he hid from Teddy. His godson would have freaked out at the sight of them.

Leading her to the black Mercedes Benz, he heard her gasp.

"Carlisle asked me to look after it while he was gone. Said he had another car over where they were moving to." Opening the driver's door, Harry reached in and retrieved a large photo album.

"I know that Edward must've taken everything to make it look like he was never here, but I thought you would like to see some things as proof they had been here. This was an album Carlisle had been putting together, of your time with them. And I nicked this off of Carlisle. It was his own personal photo he kept with him at all times."

Handing her the photo album, he placed the lone photo faced down on top of it. Leaving her there, he gave her a backwards wave without turning to look at her.

"Anytime you want to talk, Bella."

Grasping onto the items in her hands tightly, knuckles going white, she tentatively flipped the photo over.

It was a side view profile of her, smiling softly as she slightly looked off to the side.

But why would Carlisle have a picture of her? And looking so happy? In fact, it didn't seem like she knew a photo was being taken of her.

And how did Harry know any of this? Did he…really know about the Cullens being vampires? But how?

Sitting in the driver's seat for a while longer, she reminisced as she flipped through the album. She hadn't really been with them long, but there seem to be a lot of photos. In fact, almost every single one of them had her in it. Smiling softly, she got out and gently placed the album onto the seat she had been sitting on.

Finding Harry in his kitchen, she knocked lightly on the wooden frame of the entrance.

"Hey," she greeted.

Harry half-turned, still flipping the grilled cheese sandwiches without even the aid of a spatula.

"So…done reminiscing?"

"Yeah…I just…wanted to know how you knew about them?" she hazarded.

"I'll tell you about it later. The boys are coming back right now with the groceries, and we're about to have grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. Good with you?"

"Mm, yeah. Mom used to make grilled cheese for me all the time. She used to burn it too," Bella laughed. Still, she wondered how Harry knew the boys were there already when they hadn't told them they were near. Maybe they called…

"We're here!" Jacob called out from the main entrance.

Bella narrowed her eyes at Harry before trying to look normal as Jacob came in, leading in the kids. Even with the excuse of them calling, something was telling her Harry had some other way of knowing of things.

She didn't think they had called.

"Lunch is ready!"

"Lord Slytherin, you really are an annoying bastard," Lucius Malfoy's irritated voice greeted him from behind.

Harry turned around and rolled his eyes at him. "Hello to you too, Lucius. And don't fucking call me Lord Slytherin."

The pureblood aristocrat turned his nose up at him before giving a slight smirk. "Go fuck yourself, Harry."

Harry barked a laugh, "Good to know I'm such a great influence on you."

"You've corrupted me with your mannerisms, brat. Now for what I came here for."

Lucius sat himself comfortably in the armchair in front of the desk and gestured for Harry to take the seat behind it. Humoring him, Harry sat in his usual seat in his study and observed the elder Malfoy.

"I want to get down to business, Harry. You're bloody fucking up the Wizengamot. I can't have that. I know you hate us all, but you could at least help me out. At the very least, helping me would piss off the rest."

Harry leaned back and plopped his feet onto his desk, looking contemplative.

"You're not going to mock me then?" Lucius asked surprised.

Harry shrugged, "One, you and your son, and gorgeous wife while we're at it, are all very dear to me. You three stuck by me through the chaos. You want my help? The least I could do is think about it."

"Well?" Lucius asked, raising an eyebrow but hiding his worry inside.

"When's the next meeting?" Harry leaned forward, grabbing a toffee and popping it inside his mouth.

"Monday. In three days."

Harry sighed. "What is the bill about?"

"Allowing vampires a set up in blood banks."

The ex-savior took out his cell phone and checked his messages. "A restaurant?"

"…A bit. The vampires would like to come in freely into blood banks, and order in their food…in a restaurant-type setting."

"Your side."

It wasn't a request. It was an order. And usually Lucius would have bristled at his tone, but this was an urgent matter and Harry seemed like he was actually contemplating himself in their matters.

"I would like to give the vampires what they want," Lucius started out slowly. "Beneficially, it would improve our rather medieval-like standards and ideals, and also continue the alliance they set with us…through you."

Harry set down his cell phone and looked at Lucius with a blank face.

"Why would I want to go do this?"

"I know you don't care for wizards, but I know you wouldn't mind helping your friend Sanguini out. And it will be for me."

Harry twitched, scowling.

"Oh very well, Lucius. But we still have one matter we need to discuss."

"And what is that?" the blond asked in genuine confusion.

"Why in the world are you insisting your own grandson call you Lord Lucius?"

Lucius glowered, "Is he spouting about that? The little brat calls me Lord Lucius or Lord Malfoy on his own. He doesn't do it all the time, he just does it to get a reaction out of me. Or to annoy the shit out of me. I swear to Merlin he's more like you than any Malfoy in the family in generations."

"Are you sure about that?" Harry grinned.

"Scorpius delights in imitating you. He models after you to the fullest. It's like you never left."

"I'm happy to be of such help."

"Merlin, you are such a fucking bastard!"

"Are you unforgiven too?!" Harry sang, not even staring at the screen.

Teddy sighed while Bella and Jacob laughed. Scorpius clapped loudly.

"My father is insane. And a karaoke maniac. He loves karaoke. A friend in Japan, when Vader vacationed there, introduced him to it and he's loved it ever since."

"But he can sing," Bella noted.

"He can. But he's so overenthusiastic about it!" Teddy face palmed.

"So, what am I supposed to do at the Garden Party tomorrow, Harry?" Bella asked as soon as the song was over and Harry was about to punch in another number without even looking at the book.

Harry glanced at her quickly. "Well, as a hostess, you must get used to greeting everyone. So you'll be going around, being a good hostess for the Garden Party as practice for work in the inn. Say hi to everyone, ask about them, make polite talk, and make sure they're fine and that they have everything they need. Make sure they feel wanted, cared for, taken cared of, and that they have all the attention they could want. Even if you don't like them, pretend you do."

They all sweatdropped at his last words.

"Um, okay."

Indeed, at the Garden Party for the opening of the Three Crossroads Inn, Bella was getting ready. Both she and Jacob had slept over Harry's house, both going to get things ready. Surprisingly, when they awoke, almost everything was done with Harry adjusting the last bouquet.

"Did you do everything yourself, Harry?" Jacob gaped.

Harry grinned at them, "Me and my tiny elves."

The two laughed.

"We would have helped," Bella worried her lower lip.

Harry shook his head, "It's okay. I had everything. You guys just get ready. Jacob, you'll be waiting, remember? I have your outfit in your room. It should be in the wardrobe. Bella, I got you a dress to wear. Same place, in your room."

Jacob nodded and left with a wave, but Bella stayed behind looking anxious.

"You really didn't have to buy me anything, Harry. I could have driven to my house and found something to wear. Really…you didn't have to spend any money on me."

"I wanted to, Bella," Harry smiled pleasantly. "Go on now. Go look and try it. I insist you have it."

Bella reluctantly but excitedly went to her practically second room, feeling like she lived there in Harry's home sometimes with the amount of time she spent there, and found the dress right away.

It was a one shoulder black cocktail dress. She felt alongside the side ruching beaded accent panel, amazed at the feel and the elegant and classy look of it. It was simple, but gorgeous and seemed to be eye-catching without being too extravagant. She put it on and it clung to her body, fitting tightly but not too tightly to her form. It had a classic silhouette and was floor length. Disappointedly, it had no tag or anything to reveal what the price tag was. She was determined to pay Harry back for the beautiful dress with her next paycheck.

There was a knock on the door and Harry appeared, leaning on the frame and appraising her. Clapping slowly, Harry smirked.

"Ready, my dear?"

"How do I look?" Bella asked nervously.

"Absolutely beautiful." He held out his arm and she hooked hers around it, letting him lead her out.

"What time do you think I can ditch?" Harry asked innocently.

Bella hit his shoulder lightly. "Don't even think about it."

He sighed dramatically. "Okay, okay. I'll suffer along with you."

"You better."

The Garden Party was in full swing soon enough. After escorting Bella out, she went to start greeting guests and he walked around doing the same. There were three individuals that caught his eye, especially with the amount of people they'd drawn to them.

Two of them were dark-haired and in their late twenties to early thirties, and the last one was white-haired but slightly younger than the other two. All of them were pale-skinned and wearing sunglasses, but that didn't detract from their charm it seemed. It just made them mysterious to the crowd. They were very well-dressed, with expensive clothing he could tell was Italian.

'Italian vampires,' his mind whispered. He smirked and sauntered over there. More likely than not, these three were Volturi members of some kind. He wondered how much he could piss them off.

"Bouongiorno," Harry greeted in Italian, waving slightly.

The crowd and the three men looked over to him, the crowd chattering and all of them trying to say hi above each other's voice.

Seemingly, as if knowing Harry wanted to talk to only those three, the crowd dispersed and left the three vamps and one wizard alone.

"You know Italian?" the dark-haired one in the middle asked.

"Si…but I assume you know English?" Harry's smirk widened slightly.

"We do," the one in the middle spoke again. "I am Aro, the other dark-haired man is my brother Marcus and the other is my brother Caius. We love what you've done to the place."

"Thank you. My name is Harry."

"Are you British?" Marcus asked curiously.

"Yes actually. I was traveling before I moved here, but before that I lived in England."

Harry's smirk widened even more, until it was practically a Chesire grin. Time to drop the bombshell.

"You all are very welcomed here. Enjoy the festivities…just try not to eat the guests."

Harry turned sharply on his heel and left the three to stare at his back intensely, hiding their shock and outwardly not losing their composure at the unexpected obstacle.

When Harry found Bella next, she was with a blond girl that looked only slightly familiar.

"Hello there, I don't think we've met. Bella, is this a friend of yours?"

Bella beamed at him, her friend trying unsuccessfully not to gape at him.

"This is my friend Jessica. Jessica, this is Harry, my friend and boss at the inn."

"Er, uh, hello…Mr. Harry," the poor girl stammered, blushing heavily.

Harry tried to seem friendly, smiling and grabbing her hand and kissing it.

"Just Harry, Jessica…if I may call you that."

"Y-yeess," and Jessica fainted suddenly.

Both Bella and Harry blinked.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"…I no longer think that Jessica will bear a grudge against Edward."

"And why's that? Oh, and you said his name steadily."

"Thank you. And it's because she'll be too preoccupied with you to care about him."

"Oh dear."

After the Garden Party, the Three Crossroads Inn was officially open. Along with the three vampires, the inn grabbed quite a few other guests. And plenty more that already lived in the area. Harry sweatdropped, but kept quiet.

The next day, Jessica visited again and she was talking to Bella when Harry appeared.

"Hello again. You're not going to faint on me again, are you?" Harry teased.

Jessica blushed, refraining from ducking behind Bella. "No, I'm sorry about that."

"It's quite fine. So, just visiting Bella or is there something I could help you with?"

Jessica blushed even more, before shaking her head. "Um…is there any job openings here?"

"Hm, well, Jacob waits but he's just one person. Would you like to be a waitress?"

"Oh, um, sure!"

"Okay! Pay's $200 a week, you can start now or tomorrow, if you'd like," seeing some guests that had just stepped down the grand staircase, Harry walked over for small chat and to make sure they had everything.

"$2-200…a week?" Jessica asked dazed. "Isn't that overpay? Especially waitressing?"

"…It definitely is for highschoolers. Hearing your paycheck, I'm afraid of knowing mine. I haven't even asked him."

"Don't, Bella. I may be the one fainting, but I have a feeling you would have a heart attack."

"What was that, girls?" Harry asked, immediately appearing next to them again as soon as the elderly couple he was talking with left for the dining room.

Both girls shook their head guiltily, trying to fake innocence.

"Hey, Harry. Why do you wear sunglasses all the time? Not that you don't look cool or anything. You look awesome with them," Jessica asked curiously.

Bella was curious too, but she'd never asked anything before. She'd always just shrugged it off.

Harry laughed lightly, sliding his fingers against the sidearm of the gray sunglasses.

"These? I have an eye condition. My eyes are very weak and to protect them, I wear these things."

"Oh, that's horrible. I wish I could see your eyes," Jessica commented.

Harry smiled before his eyes were drawn to the three vampires that were walking down the grand staircase. With their ears, he was sure they heard their little conversation about his eyes. He shot them a shark's smile before turning his attention back to the girls.

He pretended to miss the calculating looks the three sent each other.

When Jessica went to get ready to help out in the dining room for breakfast, once there was a more steady stream of customers, some of which weren't even renting suites there, Bella hesitantly approached Harry.

"Um, Harry, I was wondering…if I could ask how you knew about…them?"

Harry glanced at her coolly, a strange expression on his face, though not altogether unlikely since he did occasionally acted cold. Bella remembered the rare times when the eccentric gleeful man sometimes was the polar opposite.

It had happened when she needed to go to Port Angeles during the week, and Harry offered to take her.

She'd just finished buying the book she wanted, waiting for Harry to pick her up, when some thugs decided to approach her. She ignored them and wondered why is it that every time she went to Port Angeles, she seemed to get in this kind of trouble.

When ignoring them didn't work, she tried to walk away when one of the thugs reached over and tried to grab her. There was a burst of wind and her hair got in her face. She looked back up and her eyes widened to see Harry in between her and the thug, her friend having a vice grip on the guy's wrist.

"Fuck off, man! She's our girl," the jerk yelled, the others warily waiting for an opportunity to attack.

Harry's face was eerily blank, eyes cold and unforgiving. His grip tightened painfully and the guy yelped in pain.

"Come on, man! Just let go and let me leave," the guy changed tactics.

Harry smirked coldly. "I am not 'man'. I have a name that I don't care to tell you. And she is not a piece of meat. She is my friend. I suggest you do leave," He broke the man's wrist instantly, wrenching a scream from him. "Before I decide not to let you leave."

Harry let go and the man ran, his comrades ahead of him.

"T-thanks, Harry," but she had seen a different side to him, and looked at him in a new light. No, she didn't think of him any differently. But she knew now that there was more to her friend than she first thought.

"You need a cell phone," Harry said nonchalantly, tossing her one. "I just bought it for you."

She refrained from gaping and just wondered at the sudden change in attitude.

And while Harry had a cool look on his face, he wasn't angry or cold. Just blank.

"Later, Bella. Tonight," Harry said softly.

And she nodded.

"Just know I'm not a hero, Bella. Whatever you think, I'm not a knight in shining armor or Superman –"

"You're Harry," she interrupted. "Just Harry."

He gave an amused look, but underneath she detected a hint of gratitude.

Started 7/30/09 –Completed 8/1/09

Tai: Yup, tatay is Tagalog.

Rinsenna: There'll be confrontations, but Harry can't just go kick Aro's ass just yet. He doesn't really want to get too involved, beyond trying to keep out of the way and messing with them.