So... yeah... this update is waaay overdue. I'm not even going to give reasons for it because they don't really matter. But, I haven't given up on this and I was determinted to get more up for you guys soon, so I made myself spend the day finishing it (at least half of it has been done for MONTHS). Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Just a reminder, thoughts are italicized as well as anything written (those have quotes, too). That being said, this first part is a dream, which normally I'd put in italics, but because of the aforementioned reasons, that didn't work so well, so just letting you know up front... It's a dream. ;)

"Anna, come back!" Elsa giggled, trying desperately to catch up to her little sister. All she could see were the two red pigtails that fluttered behind the small girl as she ran. "Anna! Wait up."

Then, the red disappeared and all she saw was white. A blanket of fresh snow covered as far as she could see.

Did she make that or had it been there all along?

"Aaaan-naaa!" She called. "Anna, where are you?!" Elsa staggered around in the snow. She wasn't cold, but she knew her sister would be soon. "Anna, answer me. It's cold, we need to go inside. Mama and Papa will be angry. Please. Anna, you need to yell louder, I can't hear you!"

Come to think of it, she couldn't even hear herself. That's peculiar. But she'd worry about that later, right now she had to find...

ANNA!

The snow was deep enough that Anna's nose didn't even poke past the surface of the hole she was lying in. She looked peaceful, like she was sleeping.

Except for all the blood. There was blood everywhere.

Anna... No... Anna, please. Please wake up. Please.

She didn't hear the footsteps approaching. Nor was she aware of the frantic shouting or the barrage of questions being asked of her.

All she knew was that she was being carried away. So was Anna.

That was the last time she saw her.

They had a funeral.

Elsa sat on her bed, cuddling her handmade doll that was a look-alike to Anna. She missed her sister so much.

The room was eerily quiet, the same way everything had been since Anna got hurt.

She kissed the doll's face and hugged her again. I love you so much, Anna. Why did you have to leave me?

Just then, she happened to notice that a sheet of paper had been pushed under her door. She crept over and slowly picked it up.

"You were supposed to save me, Elsa. I called you. I cried for you to help me and you didn't. You never came. You let me die. I was all alone, Elsa. You're my big sister, you were supposed to protect me. Why didn't you save me, Elsa? I didn't want to die. It's your fault I'm gone. All your fault."

No. Elsa looked at the page, horrified. The messy red crayon against the paper reminded her of the way the blood had streaked through the freshly fallen snow. Anna's blood. I did try to save you, Anna. I swear I did.

Another page slipped under the door. "Your fault."

NO! I couldn't find you! I didn't hear you calling for me. Elsa fell to her knees in front of the door, tears streaming down her cheeks. I'm so sorry. I... I couldn't hear you.

And another. "Your fault."

Stop it! I promise, Anna. I promise I tried. I tried so hard.

And another. "Your fault."

Elsa laid down and curled up into a ball. I couldn't hear you, Anna. She wept into the soft yarn hair of her doll. I couldn't hear you.

And another. "YOUR FAULT."

She clenched her eyes shut tightly, she couldn't bear to see another sheet and was thankful that she wouldn't be able to hear if any more were being pushed through, either.

Because I can't hear.

can'thearcan'thearcan'thear

She screamed.

Aside from the slight illumination it provided, the dim moonlight streaming in through the triangular window did little to shed any light on what was going on in their daughter's bedroom.

Agdar and Idunn rushed into the darkness, frantic to get to Elsa to see what was wrong. Still lying flat on her bed, she screamed incessantly, clawing at her ears and kicking her legs wildly.

"Is she in pain?!" Idunn cried out, horrified.

"I-I think she's having a nightmare."

Idunn reached her first and immediately scurried up onto the bed, promptly straddling Elsa's waist in hopes that she could easily grasp and pry her hands from her head - not that there was any further damage that could be done to her ears, but they still had to get her calm regardless. Because as awful as it was for her to see their daughter in such distress, one important fact would forever trump all else: Elsa's powers were no longer as innocent as they had once believed. The last thing they wanted was a repeat of Anna's accident on top of everything else.

It took a bit more effort than Idunn had anticipated - the eight year old wriggling beneath her was surprisingly strong - but she finally managed to get a solid grip and was able to pin the girl's tiny wrists firmly against the pillow, ignoring her instinctual reaction to pull away from the cold. After a moment or two of struggling against her restraints, Elsa stilled. Her eyes popped open suddenly, darting around as she scanned the room for what could have woken her.

Despite the darkness, her mother could make out enough to see the confusion that had quickly begun to wash over her as she stared up at her, eyes narrowing as she tried to make out the figure hovering above.

Her eyes hadn't had time to adjust, Idunn realized. She can't tell who I am.

"Elsa. It's just me, it-" she cut herself off, wincing at her stupidity. She can't hear me, either!

She couldn't help wonder if any of this was ever going to feel normal again; albeit a new, different normal, she knew, but normal nonetheless. She didn't want her first instinct for comforting her daughter to always be reaching out to her with her voice, she wanted - needed - to learn new ways to be there for Elsa in ways that were specific to her needs. And she wanted so badly for it to come naturally; not second to what was considered the normal reaction, because wouldn't that then mean that Elsa was not normal?

No. Elsa was normal; she just couldn't hear. This was just another thing that now made Elsa 'Elsa'. After all, she may have been their firstborn - heir to the throne of an entire kingdom, and she may have also been born with a beautiful magical ability that neither of them had ever seen the likes of, but Idunn and Agdar had not raised her to think of herself as any more special than Anna or anyone else. And if those things that were seemingly good things had not made her anything other than normal, then this seemingly bad one would do no such thing either. Elsa was still as normal now as she was then, despite it all, and Idunn refused to think of her any other way. So, sure, at first it would require effort on her part, but later she hoped responding to Elsa's needs - though different from how she knew how to respond to Anna's - would become second nature to her. Neither expression of her love was right. Neither wrong. Neither abnormal compared to the other.

However, right now, in this moment with her hands occupied and her voice pointless, Idunn didn't know what more to do. She looked down helplessly, hoping the girl's vision would focus quickly.

It didn't happen soon enough, though. Apparently giving up for the moment, Elsa sucked in a shaky breath and slowly turned her head to the side looking towards her hand. She gave it a tug. When nothing happened, she whimpered, yanked harder, faster, crying out as she turned and attempted to see if she could free the other hand instead, but also to no avail. Tear pricked at Idunn's eyes, she wanted to release her and calm her fears, but until Elsa could piece together the situation on her own, letting her loose wasn't the safest idea, for Elsa or for herself.

Quick, rapids breaths wracked her little body as panic truly began to set in. "Nnnnhh..." she cried, fighting to get out from her mother's hold. "Nn-staaa-" Her protests strangled from choking on her own tears.

A lump rose in Idunn's throat, her eyes stung, she didn't want to think about the fear currently overwhelming her little girl. All Elsa knew was that there was someone - someone bad? - holding her down. In the dark of night, there was no way for her to know that these were her parents here before her, trying to help her, protect her... not terrify her.

"Agdar, the lamp." Idunn nodded in the direction of the bedside table. "Hurry! It's too dark. Her eyes haven't adjusted and she doesn't realize who we are. We're only frightening her more."

As soon as the light filled the room, she immediately released Elsa's hands and moved backwards, giving her space while allowing her time to process.

Now free, Elsa sat up and scrambled back against the headboard, panting heavily. Her hands held out in front her for protection. Thankfully, she dropped them after only a second, realizing who was before her and that she wasn't in any danger. She threw herself into her mother's arms and sobbed against her chest.

As she held her daughter tight, rocking her gently and softly running her fingers through her pale blonde hair, Idunn glanced over to her husband, who still stood awkwardly beside the bed - unsure of how to insert himself into this delicate situation. Both had the same question in mind: Now what?

It was a concern that had more than one connotation. And now, with Idunn settled against the headboard and a sleeping Elsa curled in her lap, she dared to broach the subject she wished they could avoid, but knew that they could not. It was a serious matter and it meant that things would need to change, no matter what conclusion they came to; it couldn't wait much longer.

"What do we do now... as far as her future is concerned? Can she still be queen?"

Agdar inhaled deeply and leaned heavily on the side of the bed while collecting his thoughts. "I've been asking myself that as well. Honestly, I don't know for sure. I would have to recheck to confirm, but I'm nearly certain that there are no laws that-"

"No. That's not what I meant. It's just that she's still so young and there's much for her to learn. How are we supposed to train her to rule when we can't even comfort her after a nightmare?" Idunn swiped the tears that were gathering in her eyes. "And what about our people. Would they accept her? How would they react to having a monarch with a... a disability?"

The irony that Elsa had been born with an extra ability only to lose a different one later was not lost on the Queen.

"We used to worry about what would happen if they found out about her powers, that they could try to hurt her if they felt threatened by what they didn't understand. But, at least she'd have her magic to defend herself. Now... what if they don't think she's capable of ruling? If anyone wanted to ki..." She trailed off, not able to voice that thought. "If they managed to break in or get to her somehow, she wouldn't hear..." Idunn looked down helplessly at her little girl, brushing loose hairs off of her face, wishing nothing more than to be able to keep her safe forever. "She... she would be so vulnerable..."

"Darling, you mustn't think that way." He sat down beside her, taking one of her hands in his. "We have good people. Kind people. They'll love her, just as she is."

"I hope so."

"Have faith, Idunn. In them... And in her." Agdar nodded towards his daughter and smiled. "Everything will be fine, you'll see. In the meantime, we'll just need to figure out a way for her to continue with her lessons. Once things settle down, of course."

"You really think she can?"

"I do. She's a bright girl. She's shown so much potential with her lessons thus far, I have no doubt that will only grow with time."

"But... how? I don't... If she can't..." she stumbled for the right words, not sure how to verbalize her worries. "Writing is working well enough for us now but, it takes so much time just to have a simple conversation as it is, how will she get proper instruction for her lessons? Things are harder to explain on paper. It'll take so much longer. That's not fair for her, to have to put in so much more time... But what other choice do we have?"

"I once heard about a language of sorts, that people who've lost their hearing use by communicating with their hands. I think it could be beneficial for us to try it. What do you think?"

"If it can help her, I'm willing to try anything."

"Then I will look into it and see if we can bring in a teacher to help."

Idunn nodded, then leaned over - careful not to disturb the sleeping bundle in her lap - and kissed his cheek. "You should go back to bed."

"And you?"

"I'm fine here."

"If you're sure."

She smiled. "I am."

"Okay." He got up off the bed and bent down to kiss her goodnight. "I'll check on Anna while I'm up."

When the door had been closed behind him, Idunn wiggled down a bit to find her and Elsa a more comfy position. She laid there a while, just looking into the face of her oldest daughter. She was so peaceful. Idunn was thankful that whatever had been tormenting her baby earlier seemed to be long gone now. She hoped she was having good dreams. Good, happy dreams.

After everything she's been through, she deserves to be happy.

But she knew they had a long road ahead of them. Getting Elsa to a place where she felt normal again, where she was content with herself and all that she was, it would take a lot of time and patience.

"I'll be here for you every step of the way, sweetheart. We'll get you through this. I promise." She laid a tender kiss at her temple. "We'll help you be happy again."

Two days later, Elsa lay on her bed trying to read one of her storybooks, hoping to keep her mind from wandering to things she didn't want to think about. But, she kept getting distracted, even though nothing was going on to steal her attention. And it's not like she had anything better to do. She'd had her bath and recently finished her lunch. It was just that... the room felt so empty now, without her little sister's things to share the space.

Mama and Papa had had Anna moved to a new room, a little further down the hall. It was for the best, Elsa knew; it's what she wanted, actually. She still wasn't ready to see her. Not yet.

Anna deserves to have a real room, with her toys and books, and not have to sleep in a guest room until I'm better... Will I ever really be better, though? That was a loaded question, one she chose not to dwell on for long.

Anna's better now, though! Mama and Papa said the trolls fixed her right up.

However, even that good news couldn't lift her spirits, because... because...

...Because it's my fault she wasn't okay. Because I hurt her.

She thought back to her dream, about how easily something could happen to Anna just because she was unlucky enough to have Elsa for a sister.

Anna deserves to be happy. She deserves better than me.

But it was still hard, being alone. She hadn't had a room to herself since she was three, when she was the only child. Not that she really remembered what that was like anymore, it had been so long ago. And she hadn't known then what she was missing.

Now, she'd never felt so lonely.

Without Anna by her side, she knew things could never be the same. Anna was like the sun, without her there was nothing but darkness, threatening to swallow her whole.

Being trapped in a world of silence with only herself for company didn't help matters any. Elsa wasn't exactly the most cheerful person at the moment.

It hadn't even been a week and already she was feeling the effects of the isolation. Sometimes - most of the time - she felt like she wasn't really here, but just floating in the emptiness of everything her life had become.

Even when she had company, she felt alone. (And if she closed her eyes, it was like she may as well have been.) She not only lost her sister and her hearing, but also her way to communicate and feel connected to the world. She didn't know how to express herself anymore - to explain to her parents how she was feeling. It would have been hard enough to tell them even if she could talk to them, but having to write it down... to write everything down... It was awkward. And tiring. It was easier just to keep it in.

Suddenly, Elsa felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder. She jumped, nearly screamed, but settled quickly when she saw it was just her mother.

Idunn flinched, scrunching up her face with a smile Elsa knew was meant to be apologetic, and passed her a journal, already open to a message written out for her.

"Elsa, your father and I would like you to meet someone. His name is Mr. Olsen and he came here to help us learn how to talk with you easier."

Elsa looked up, clearly confused. Idunn pointed over to the doorway, where her father stood next to another gentleman. He was older, not very tall, but not short either... smaller than Papa, she noted. His hair was a light brown, but it was sprinkled with gray and his eyes were a warm shade of brown and sat behind a pair of glasses. She liked how wrinkly his face was. He looked kind. She smiled politely and waved, which he returned as the King led him into the room.

He passed her another book, she guessed that was one his. It was bigger than the ones they'd been using and the paper felt different. Again, a prewritten note topped the page he held open to her.

"Hello, Princess Elsa. I'm Harald Olsen but you can just call me Harald, if you'd like. I am very sorry to hear about your recent accident, I know this must be a very hard time for you right now, but I'd like to try to help, if I may?"

Elsa bit her lower lip and reached over to pluck a feather pen from her bedside table.

"How?"

A bright grin lit his face and he raised up a finger to tell her to wait just one second. He turned the page and Elsa looked back down...

"I'm glad you asked!"

Elsa giggled softly. Harald was a little silly... She liked him already.

"I can teach you to sign. Which is, to use your hands to spell words and make gestures... Watch."

She looked up again and saw Harald make a few movements with his hands. Then he pointed back to the book.

"I just said: 'It's nice to meet you!' Isn't that neat?" Elsa giggled again, but quickly bit down on the tip of her thumb, she was still extremely shy about making noises she couldn't hear. It made her nervous. But she smiled at him and nodded. It was very neat! She'd never seen anything like that before.

Quickly she scratched down another question: "Are there signs for all the words? Can we really talk that way, about anything?"

Harald peeked over at the note and then back to Elsa. He held up his fist and made a nodding motion with it, then nodded his head. "Yes."

Her smile - the biggest, brightest smile her parents had seen since before Anna's accident - felt like it was going to break her face. She was so excited! She'd never been so eager to learn anything in her whole life. It wasn't as good as talking (and being able to hear people talk back) but it was something. Something way more convenient than carrying a book and pens and ink around with her for the rest of her life.

"Can we start now?"

All three of the adults in the room laughed and bobbed their heads enthusiastically. "Of course, of course!" Harald said, simultaneously signing 'yes' for Elsa.

Once they were all settled - Elsa and Idunn perched on the edge of the bed, Harald and Agdar seated on the chairs they'd pulled up beside them - Harald borrowed the big book and asked Elsa if she'd like to learn to sign the alphabet. When she clapped her hands excitedly, he started off with A and mouthed the letter nice and slow for her. Everyone copied the sign easily, so they moved on to B and then C and so on. At the end, Elsa was grinning from ear-to-ear. She waved her hands to get everyone's attention and when she was sure she had it, she slowly spelled out E-L-S-A. Harald threw his hands in the air and cheered. She didn't have to hear him to know that she'd done it correctly.

Agdar leapt up and grabbed her face and plunked a kiss on her forehead. He pulled back and smiled at her. He was so proud. He pulled her into a big hug, squeezing just a little too tight. Elsa laughed quietly and tapped her hands against his back to signal her mild distress. I love you, Papa, but I can't breathe!

"Ah! Sorry." He leaned back and looked over his shoulder to Harald. "Mr. Olsen, how do you do the sign for 'I'm sorry'?"

Elsa watched the exchange as Harald held his fist to his chest and moved it in a clockwise motion.

"Don't forget to look apologetic when you do it. Facial expression are just as important as the sign."

Agdar nodded and turned back to Elsa. He made the same sign Harald had just done and Elsa snickered at the sad face he made for her. He looked too happy to be sad for real.

'Sorry,' Elsa figured. She patted his shoulder. It's okay.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed her mother's head was down. When she looked closer, she saw that her face was buried in her hands. Is she crying? She watched as her body shook as she sobbed. Mama? No. Don't cry, Mama. Please don't cry.

Elsa took one of her wrists and pulled it away. When Idunn looked up, Elsa was shaking her head with a quizzical expression.

"I'm just happy," she said and drew along her smile with her index finger for emphasis. But Harald was right there to show her the proper sign by making a couple small upward swiping motions in front of his chest, which she promptly repeated. "Happy."

'Happy.' Elsa grinned.

Someday, I think... maybe I could be...

She snatched the book up again, scribbling hurriedly before flipping it around to show the others.

"This is fun! What's next?"

Real quick, before anyone jumps on me about inaccuracy... I just wanted to say that yes, I know I'm using ASL and I know that's American and would not have been used in Norway in the 1800s, buuuut I can't find information about what they did use there at that time, soooo, yeah... I'm going with ASL. Shh. Just pretend. ;)