Levi's P.O.V.

After returning to base all I wanted to do was take a shower. My mind couldn't think of anything else but basic needs. I don't even remember taking off my clothes, or turning on the shower, But as I feel it beating against my back turning from hot to cold I start to wonder how long I'd been standing here. What does it matter anyway? My whole squad is gone, our mission failed.

I turn off the water, stepping out of the shower and not finding a towel hanging on the rack. Fuck it. I walk out of the bathroom still wet, into my bedroom. I pull back the sheets, letting my body fall to the mattress. The moment the sheets cover me I smell it, her smell, Petra's smell. I pull the cotton closer to me wrapping my whole body in it.

Flashback: When I woke up this morning things seemed different, better. Although the sun isn't up just yet I know I have a long day ahead. I feel her body next to me, my hand on her hip, her hair lightly tickling my face. I slide my hand from her hip to her stomach and up between her breast as I pull her closer to me. She lets out a sleepy moan and I can't help but smile before hiding it in her hair. She wiggles lightly against my hold exciting things under the sheets. I put my lips to her neck leaving long lingering kisses against her skin.

"Mmmm..."

"Can we do this again tonight?" I whisper against her ear.

"I'd like that."

End flashback.

I hate that I get to lay here in our bed while her body lay out there in some open field, crushed into the earth by a titan. I close my eyes tight starting to feel the sting behind them and not wanting to be weak.

Theres a light knock on the door, reminding me all to much of her knock last night.

I open my eyes. "Just a minute." I say irritated.

Why couldn't they all understand that I have lost everything today. My reputation, my mission, my squad, my Petra. I pull on a pair of sleep pants and a lose long sleeve shirt and open the door.

Looking at me is a young woman that I have never seen before. "Who the hell are you?" I ask.

"My names Candice, Sir. I was sent by the higher ups to help out around here, considering..." She trails off.

"So what do you want?" I ask.

"I was wondering if you wanted me to change out your sheets?"

I close my eyes for a brief second. And contemplate if I could let her do that.

"No...no I do not want you to change my sheets, never are you to touch my sheets, in fact don't even come into my room!" I yell.

The girl starts to cower away.

"Whoa, Levi." I hear Erwin's voice from the shadows. "No need to rip off the girls head."

"She is trying to take my sheets!"

"No one is taking your sheets. Why don't you come walk with me, cool off a bit."

"I don't want to."

"That's an order Corporal."

I sigh, walking out of my room, closing the door behind me and reluctantly following the bigger man down the hall.

We settle in the dinning hall, Erwin pouring two cups of tea, setting one down in front of me.

"I know this must be hard on you Levi."

"Their all gone." I say looking at the cup of tea.

"I feel partly to blame for that."

"I should have been there."

"You had no way of knowing."

"I have nothing left except those sheets."

"What?"

"I gave the patch to the stupid kid who was crying about if friend being dead. It wasn't his patch to have, the smell will fade, it was all I had left."

"Levi?"

"I should have told her when I had the chance, that's what last night was all about."

"Told her?"

"PETRA! God damn it... Petra. She came to me last night, fuck did she some how know?"

"Levi, your not making any sense."

I sigh. "Petra and I had sex last night."

"As a Superior we're not suppose to..."

"Yeah well none of that matters now does it?"

I look down at the cup of tea.

"I loved her Erwin, I didn't think I could but in the end I did." I slammed my fist down on the table making the tea cups jump. "Fuck, and then before it could all sink in, the moment we get back, I'm bombarded by her father telling me how he is so proud of Petra and based on her latest letter home to him, he had come to terms with her decision to devote her life to me. He started talking about marriage and I wanted nothing more then to turn to him and tell him my intentions, but as it is those intentions are gone, and I couldn't even bring myself to tell him she was dead, that I had let her die." My voice is flat. "And because I gave her patch to that kid I have nothing left of her but her sweet scent that lingers in my bed. I couldn't even bring her body back because of those idiots."

"Levi."

"Don't, I don't want your pity. All I want is that titan."

"We'll get her."

"Do me a favor, while were dealing with all this shit tomorrow, have the new cleaning girl wash my sheets."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to keep moving forward."

Erwin nods.

I get up from my seat, making my way back to my room mindlessly, I'll give myself one night, one night to feel sorry for my pitiful self, but with the rise of tomorrows sun I will be ready to fight again, with a new day brings new hope for those of us still alive. I don't want my hope, give it to someone else. I'll go back to being hopeless, maybe then I wont feel like I traded their lives, her life, for hope I should never have had. Petra I'm sorry.