"… Shit, Charlie, I just really, really, fucked up this time."
"Yeah. You did." She says, looking at me from where she's perched on the bed next to me, her legs crossed under her and a closed notebook in her lap. I lean against the wall, exhausted after telling her what happened today. It was raining after school, and Sam got a ride home with a friend… So I came here. I was soaking wet when I showed up at her door…
"How do I fix this?" I ask, looking at my hands
"Honestly?" She says, meeting my eyes, "I dunno, ponyboy, I mean…"
"Yeah."
"... I do have one question."
"Shoot."
"What is she? To you, I mean."
"I…" I think. Not a tutor; she's more than that. Castiel is… she's… "I think, I mean, I'm not sure? I mean, I feel some kind of way when I'm near her, but, it's not… Not what I feel around you and Jo and Chuck; not what I feel around Lisa… I honestly…"
"You have no idea." She smiles at me, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but let me try to put it in words. When you think about her, even when you're about to cry, you feel the corners of your mouth turn up a little, and you feel this weird tickle tickle in the back of your throat, and your stomach tightens up, and you feel kind of you just smelled a fresh batch of gooey chocolate chip cookies, the kind your mom used to make, and you just, it feels so right."
"Yeah." I say quietly, lost in myself, "It feels so right."
She smiles even wider, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look her in the eyes, "Good sir, you are in love."
-666-
I end up staying the night at Charlie's. Her mom likes me for some reason, and she insists on apple pie every time I come over.
Clothes aren't really an issue- I stay over her place often enough (most sleepovers being impromptu, like this one), that I just said "fuck it" a long time ago and started to keep a duffle at her house. Soon I was upgraded to a drawer in her dresser, though, so I have two spare shirts, a pair of jeans, and a toothbrush at her place. I'll be okay for the night.
"I'm just gonna call Sammy," I say to Charlie, who nods.
As I'm scrolling down to Sam's contact, another person's number catches my eye.
Castiel's.
I close my eyes, scrolling on.
"Hey, Sammy." I say, smiling into the phone, walking out of the room, closing the door behind me, "I'm crashing at Charlie's tonight." I say, sighing.
"Rough day?" I can almost hear his smile. It's infectious, because soon, I'm grinning too.
"Yeah." I say a little sadly, "Rough day."
"Heard about Cas."
"God. Already?"
Sam laughs a bit, "Yeah."
I take a deep breath.
"It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow."
"See ya, kiddo."
"'Night." He says, "Jerk." He hangs up.
"Night, bitch," I whisper to the deadline.
I stretch and yawn. All I want right now is to make things right with Cas.
-666-
Before I know it, I'm at school again. It's monday. Which means I have to talk to Cas.
Which means I have to explain.
Which means I have to face the possibility of never getting to talk to her again.
"Dean. Come on." Jo punches me in the arm, "We need to talk."
Today, she's got her hair in a messy ponytail, wearing a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt over a pair of shredded black skinny jeans. And boy, does she look pissed.
"You heard." I say. It's not a question.
"Yeah, you know, I did. And for Lisa? Really? Of all people to send your friendship to shit for…"
"We weren't really friends!" I exclaim.
"Right." Says Jo, "Which is why even though you have to study with her on tuesdays and thursdays, you've been hanging out almost everyday after school. Also why I saw her teaching you the chords to Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. Because that totally pertains to chemistry." She says sarcastically
"Jo-" I try, but she's not done yet.
"Not friends, Dean? Really? Because you've known her for all of three weeks, and I'm sure she knows you better than Lisa fucking Braeden does, okay?"
"I know." I say.
"Well, then." Jo says, "Stop wallowing in your goddamn self pity and fix what you fucked up, Winchester." She glares at me, "You know where to find her. Go."
"Right." I smile a little, "Thanks, Jo."
She half-smiles at me, "You're welcome, Dean."
-666-
Just as I get to the classroom where I know that Cas will be, Emma walks out the door. The minute she catches my eye, I know I'm dead. She walks up to me, anger practically radiating off of her in waves.
"Winchester." She hisses, slamming my shoulder into the wall, making me wince- she's stronger than I thought. "You had better be here to apologize, you piece of shit." She spits, "Cas has been hurt by too many people, and I was stupid enough to think you wouldn't be one of them." She pulls her hand off of me like I burned her, "I thought you'd be good for her. I guess I was wrong. Make me rethink that, okay?" She glares at me, turning on her heel and walking away.
I take a deep breath. God, what was I thinking, coming here? I shake my shoulders, steeling myself, walking into the room, but what I see is the opposite of what I'm expecting.
Cas is there, but she's not in tears, she doesn't look angry, nothing…
She's drawing in her sketchpad, but she looks up when I walk in, "Oh. You're here." She says, and all the warmth is gone from her voice- I mean, it was never really warm, but she was always… I don't know. Friendly to a certain extent, despite her bluntness. Like… She was never cold. Not the way she is now.
"Yeah." I say, "Look Ca-"
"We need to review chapter three, section four." She says, as of I wasn't talking, "I assume you brought your notebook with you?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Okay, take it out, and you can write your notes, then compare them to the ones that I have here-"
"Cas!" I say, grabbing her arm, "I'm not here to study!"
She looks up at me, frowning, "Then why did you come?" She looks genuinely confused.
"Because… God, Cas, I'm sorry."
"Why?" She looks at me in the eyes, and I see confusion, sure, but beneath that, hurt. I don't see anger, or fear, or confrontation. She just looks so... broken. Like, like she's been hurt by too many people. And right then, I resolve to never again be one of them. Because I hate it. Not only that, but I resolve to fix her, however I can.
I take a deep breath, "Because I know you heard everything I said to Lisa."
"So?" She says, her eyebrows knitting together, "I don't understand; I already knew everything you said- it's nothing new." She smiles at me, "There's no reason to feel bad."
"Cas," I say
"Dean?" She looks at me again
"You don't mean that." I say with certainty.
She sighs, "Dean-"
"Why are you making this so hard?" I ask, "Look, I was wrong. More than that, I was a complete asshole." I try to look as honest as I can, "And I'm really sorry, Cas. I am. I screwed up, and I want to fix it. I want to be your friend again," I hastily add, "If you'll have me, that is."
She smiles. For real this time. "Okay,"
A/N: What the hecking heck is wrong with me like I hate this story and idk, i'm losing my motivation or something but i'll try to finish it… if you've got any ideas, PLEASE DO SHARE WITH THE CLASS no i'm not kidding i have gone imaginatively bankrupt where this story is concerned like help plz
p.s. i'm sorry for the shortness, but as i said- I PLEAD IMAGINATIVE BANKRUPTCY
ok but ily guys, please keep reviewing- It seriously boosts my self confidence (which is lower than Dan Howell's pants i shit you not) and follow/fav
but eSPECIALLY rEViEw
ok ily guys :3