Hope and happiness flooded her system. Tris hadn't thought about contacting her mother since she had found out it wasn't possible. She took the slip of paper from Matthew and opened it, taking in every letter written on it.

"Find a hiding spot, use a tablet, then destroy it," Matthew instructed. "But before you do that, attach this little guy to it." He held up a thin white square that was no larger than an inch; Tris raised an eyebrow. "You peel it off the paper and stick it on the back of the tablet. There's circuitry embedded inside that will commandeer the tablet, allowing the message to be sent to its recipient while simultaneously corrupting it on the way to Erudite's server. It's just a precaution, since they might be flagging anything being sent outside of the faction. Security is going to be tight tomorrow and you won't be allowed to bring anything of your own, so I'll make sure you get this when the time is right. Oh, and on the off chance that the Erudite might find the destroyed tablet, you need to make sure it's been wiped clean. A simple alcohol wipe will take your fingerprints right off." Tris nodded her head, her eyes falling to the piece of paper as soon as he stopped talking. Matthew touched her arm gently, pulling her attention back to him. "I know it's only a one-way message, but it's better than nothing."

"Thank you," Tris whispered.

"You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow."

Tris stared at the paper Matthew gave her until she couldn't see straight, reading it over and over again. She took a shower, repeating it out loud, the spray masking the sound of her voice. When she was certain she knew it, that there was no way she would ever forget it, she burned the piece of paper, flushing the scraps and ashes for good measure.

She lay down in bed, running it through her head again just to be sure. She ran through the things she was supposed to know about Erudite and Amity, too, before running Matthew's conversation through her head. An hour passed, easily, and she was no closer to sleep than when she had first lain down — there was too much weighing heavily on her mind.

Tris knew there wouldn't be much time to try and set things right with Tobias in the morning. With hopes of clearing her conscience, she sighed and stood, sliding on a pair of shoes before grabbing her keycard and slipping out the door. She had no idea if Tobias would even answer; it was late and he could be asleep. Or out. She pushed her last thought away and knocked.

She bit her lip as she waited, wondering what she would do if he didn't answer. A small part of her felt like it would be a deserved punishment; if he didn't answer, then perhaps they weren't meant to work it out. But she knocked again, hopeful that wasn't the case. She still loved him. She was certain she always would.

She heard a loud bang, followed by the door cracking and Tobias's head peering out. She looked up at him; his eyes were red and ringed in dark circles, his hair wet and ruffled. "Oh," she said, "I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll just…" She gave him a tight smile and turned to leave.

"Tris." She paused, her heart beating out a nervous rhythm. "It's fine."

She nodded and turned back, the door held open for her. His apartment was dark, the only light coming from the cracked door of his bedroom. He brushed past her — shirtless, she realized — a towel in hand. She took in what she could see in the shadows: the defined muscles, his broad back, the colors of his ink. Its beauty and its story caused something in her chest to twist painfully. He emerged from the bathroom after a moment, watching her from afar. She could see the heavy rise and fall of his bare chest, momentarily causing her to forget why she was there.

"I'm sorry," she whispered after a moment. He made no move, so she continued. "I knew, and I didn't say anything. I didn't… I didn't want you to worry, and I didn't want you to get upset."

"You lied." She could hear the waver in his voice; it nearly broke her, knowing she had done that to him.

She swallowed down the lump that was forming in her throat. "I did."

Tobias stared at her; bathed in the soft glow from his room, he thought she had never looked more beautiful. But she had lied. He had bared his soul, told her everything about his past and showed her his fears, yet clearly, she didn't trust him. He felt the heat in his eyes and looked away from her; he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing him hurting.

"I should have told you, Tobias, but I didn't know how. I don't think I can even express how sorry I am. I'm just… I was trying to protect you."

"Protect?" he said, his voice laced with disbelief. "You don't need to protect me."

"Yes, I do. I talked to Amar, and he told me to ask Matthew why we needed to be careful."

She heard the groan, imagining the eye roll that went along with it. "Tris, you don't have to wor—"

"Yes, I do!" she interrupted. "Goddammit, Tobias, I care about you, don't you get that?"

"I know you care!" He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck, trying to maintain his composure.

"Then why do you act like I shouldn't worry about you? I get it, you can take care of yourself. But is it really so bad that I want to look out for you? Or that I'm scared that something will happen to you, too?"

Tobias hung his head. He hadn't really taken the time to see things from her point of view. He'd been so preoccupied with his thoughts about protecting her that he never once realized she was just trying to do the same thing. It still didn't excuse her actions, though.

She was breathing heavily, her hair disheveled from running her hands through it in frustration. When Tobias didn't seem to care that she was trying to make amends and didn't offer up an apology of his own, she turned, heading for his door. "I really am sorry," she said over her shoulder, "And I hope that one day you can forgive me. Goodnight."

"Tris. Please wait."

She paused with one hand on the door as he went into his bedroom; she could hear him rummaging through something. He came out a moment later, a small box in his hand. He flipped on the light and opened it, revealing two smaller boxes inside. "It's an emergency communication device," he said, pulling the first box out. He opened it to reveal something that looked like a miniature tablet; the second box contained a small, circular mirror. "It's disguised to look like a mirror, but if you smash it, there's a button inside that sets this off, and it will let me know that you're in trouble."

He held the mirror out to her; she hesitated a moment before taking it. Its looks were deceiving; it was solid, heavy. She turned it over in her hand, examining it. "Where did you get this?"

"From the outside."

Tris looked up at him, confused. "When you went to Indianapolis?"

He sighed and shook his head. "No. From Nita."

She had never heard that name before, yet it instantly registered who he was talking about. "Oh." She stiffened, then held the mirror out to him, suddenly not wanting to touch it anymore.

"It wasn't what you thought it was," he said, shaking his head and pushing her hand away. "I had to have a couple of drinks with her to get it."

"You went on a date?"

Tobias shifted uncomfortably. He could see the doubt in Tris's face, the hurt that was there. His remorse was quickly replaced by anger when he recalled the reason he had needed to sneak around in the first place. It wasn't like he could have talked to her, since she had chosen to cut him out of her life without so much as a word.

"That's not fair," he spit. "You lied. You cut me out and—"

"Yes, and clearly the appropriate response to that is to go out with someone else," she huffed, crossing her arms.

"And keeping secrets and not talking is any better?" he countered.

"Well, it's not like I knew how to tell you! This relationship thing is all new to me, and all I could focus on was that I didn't want to hurt you. But I never thought you'd just go out with someone else. Maybe that's just how you deal with your girlfriends... when you're... done with them..." Tris trailed off, looking away, trying to keep her emotions under control.

Tobias scrunched his eyebrows together. "Girlfriends...what...? Tris, I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too. I didn't want to go out on a date with Nita, I just wanted to get this device for you. I only did what I had to do to get it. And maybe if you hadn't avoided me every chance you got, then we could have talked and worked this out, together. So don't pretend that you're so innocent in all of this."

"I know I'm not innocent, but it's not like you were in any rush to come find me, either!" She threw her hands up, completely frustrated. This was not how she had imagined her night would go. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know how many more times I have to say it, but I am sorry, Tobias. I made a mistake that I can't undo. But I can't have it thrown in my face every chance you get, either. Do you have any idea how much stress I am under? This all rests on me. And what happens if I fail? Do I get hurt? Do you? I'll have nobody in there to answer my questions or help get me through it. I'll be all alone, and you'll be here..." She stopped, choking on her words, her eyes hot and stinging. Tris let out a small sob, unable to contain it anymore. She covered her face, trying to hide her worry, her fear.

Tobias dropped into the chair just behind him, his body heavy from the stress he'd been going through on his own. He let his guard down, feeling just as drained and emotional as she was. "Tris," he whispered. "Don't think for one moment that I don't understand what you're going through, because I do. But did you ever take a moment to stop and think about how it felt to have you decide to just… leave me without saying a word?"

She lowered her hands to see Tobias looking up at her; she had never seen him look so vulnerable. His eyes were glossy, the weight of his words sitting like a boulder on her chest. Tris struggled to breathe as her eyes darted between his. Seeing the hurt behind them and the anguish that crossed his face was excruciating, and her tears began to fall faster. Her gut twisted into an agonizing knot, almost bringing Tris to her knees. The knowledge that she had done this to him, that she had hurt the person she cared about the most, filled her with a guilt so heavy it threatened to suffocate her. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I just…" she took a step back, shaking her head frantically.

Tobias panicked, watching her start to walk away; he didn't want this moment to be the last thing to happen between them. "Wait," he pleaded, his voice strangled as he leaned forward, grabbing her arm. She kept her head down as he pulled her towards him; he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her torso. She draped her own arms around his neck, her hands gently cradling his head. His embrace offered her a warmth and security she desperately needed; she also hoped it signaled his forgiveness.

She felt his body trembling, his hands squeezing to secure himself to her. She heard a noise come from him: a sob, she thought, and it sparked a memory. Tris recalled the time she had heard him after Green died, when they still barely knew each other: was the thought of her leaving really as painful to him as someone dying? She set the mirror on the table as she sat down, straddling him in the chair, pressing herself as close to him as she could. He sank his face into her shoulder, her neck. Tris could hear his heavy breathing, feel his chest rise and fall with each deep breath. It was sobering to feel him cry, to have him break down in front of her.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice thick. "I don't want you to leave like this."

"No, I won't," she said, shaking her head. "This was all my fault, and it's done. Never again, okay? Never. I'm sorry," she whispered, kissing the top of his head. "Tobias, I'm so sorry."

She closed her eyes; everyone Tobias had ever cared about had abandoned him, and now her name was on that list. Tris didn't want to be yet another reason for him to withdraw and keep to himself, or to listen to those sad, haunting songs of his. She wiped her eyes as his hands idly roamed her back, their grip slightly lessened. It took a long while before Tris could summon up the courage to ask the question she desperately needed him to answer: "Are we okay?"

His hesitation was momentary. "Yeah," Tobias whispered, "We are."

He finally looked up at her, unwilling to put much space between them. Seeing her so scared and uncertain of what was going to happen was almost unbearable, and he had no idea how he was going to deal with her being gone. Tobias took her face in his hands and ran a thumb across her cheek, wiping her tears and looking her right in the eye.

"I don't care what happens to me, Tris. If you change your mind, if you want out, I will come and get you. All you have to do is press that button." He let his eyes fall to her lips for a moment before bringing them back up. "I would never want something bad to happen to you, not even if I were angry or upset with you. I'm sorry for what I had to do to get the mirror, but I am not sorry for making sure you have a way to ask for help if you need it."

Her gaze locked onto his as she placed her hands on his wrists, pulling them gently until they wrapped around her waist. Tris needed to feel him against her, warm and reassuring. She needed something to hold onto, a memory to ground her when her life became nothing but lies and uncertainty.

Her own arms snaked back around his neck as she leaned closer. He didn't hesitate to kiss her, to part her lips and taste her. Her hands threaded into his hair, her gentle tugging causing a pleasurable pain that Tobias got lost in. He pressed her closer, covering as much of her body with his as he could.

"Tobias," she whispered, trying to catch her breath. "I don't want to go."

"Then don't," he said, using the break to kiss her on her cheek and jaw and neck.

"Can I stay here? With you?"

He paused his explorations and pulled back. He had assumed she was talking about leaving the compound, not leaving his apartment. "Yeah," he whispered. She stood carefully, slipping out of her shoes and turning off the light. She was bashful as she took a step forward, tentatively taking both of his hands in her own as he stood. She laced her fingers with his, squeezing before leaning up on her toes and kissing him gently. His mouth lifted on one side as she turned, leading him down the hallway.

They were silent as they climbed into his bed. A dull light filtered in through the window, illuminating their bodies. He got in first, holding the sheet up so she could slide in next to him; she settled in with her back towards him, and he curled around her, keeping her as close to him as he could.

It was better than she had imagined, feeling him next to her. He rested his hand on her hip and nuzzled into her hair, his breath giving her both goosebumps and butterflies. She hated that they could have been doing this since he returned had she not allowed her stubborn nature to delay the moment. She tried to push all negative thoughts away as Tobias moved his hand to her waist; all that mattered in the end was that they were here, now, and that they were okay. She took a deep breath knowing there was one last thing she could give him, one last truth that he deserved to hear.

"Tobias," she whispered. "I love you."

His arm came down across her stomach, somehow pulling her even closer. "I love you, too," he whispered back, kissing her bare shoulder.

Tris felt it was no longer enough to just be in the same bed as him; there were still too many barriers that her lies had created and she wanted every last one of them gone. Tobias reluctantly loosened his grip as she sat up; his breath hitched in his throat when she slowly removed her tank top. His eyes were wide as she lay back down, pressing herself back against his chest.

Her bare skin against his was almost more than he could handle. He had imagined this moment many times, but reality was so much better than anything his mind could have ever come up with. Her skin was soft, her scent intoxicating. He placed his hand back on her hip, only for her to immediately grab it and press it against her chest, over her heart. His own moved to the same rapid beat of hers as he kissed her shoulder again and again. Each kiss was painted on a new area of skin, sending her into a state of euphoria that she had never experienced before. She lost track of how many times he told her he loved her, each time more believable than the last.

Tris turned when she couldn't take it anymore; she needed to see him, to look him in the eyes, to feel him with her own hands. She watched him for a moment as he took her in, his eyes lingering a little longer on her chest. She blushed as she scooted closer, cutting off his view.

She had seen his torso before, and even felt him though his shirt, but this was still so different. She placed her hand over his heart, getting a smile in response. Her hand trailed up and down, feeling each ridge of each defined muscle as his hand gripped her hip. He squeezed periodically, usually when her hand drifted around the same spot. She smiled when she focused there, getting him to laugh and squirm away from her.

"I didn't know you were ticklish," she said, laughing with him.

"I'm not," he said, pulling a serious face.

"Mmm-hmm," she said, attacking him. He didn't hold back as he tickled her, too, and they both laughed until their sides hurt as they wrestled, Tobias finally coming to rest on top of Tris. Her face fell serious when she saw the look on his.

"You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, inside and out, and I don't know what I would do without you."

"Tobias." She wanted to say more, but there weren't enough words to express how she felt. She pulled him down, meeting his mouth halfway.

That kiss meant more than any other, she thought; it was love and lust and belonging, an expression of hope and desire for the future. It was the happiest she had been in her entire life. Her hands ran down his back as he settled between her legs, a hum escaping at the feel of him against her. It was all the encouragement Tobias needed.

His mouth left hers and he took his time, finding each sensitive area on her neck. It became a game to him; his reward her gentle sighs when he hit the right places. He traveled farther, taking his time and paying close attention to her reactions. He kissed her collarbone, her ravens, over her heart. He left a trail of goosebumps on her flesh as his lips lightly circled her breasts before kissing each of them, a small shiver rippling through her torso in response.

His warm breath ghosted over her abdomen as he gently nipped and sucked his way down. He was slow and cautious as he moved her pants, giving himself access to her hips. He spent time placing gentle kisses on one, before moving to the other; his heart rate increased when he realized she was on the verge of being exposed to him. Not wanting to risk pushing her farther than she was willing to go, he slowly made his way back up to her mouth, only to be met with a look of confusion.

Tris was unsure whether Tobias was nervous or if he thought she didn't want him, but as she maneuvered to have him back between her legs, there was no mistaking how he felt. "Are you nervous?" she asked. He looked her in the eye for a moment before shaking his head. "Good, because neither am I." He let out a sigh of relief as he kissed her, retracing his path down her body to the soundtrack of her pleasure. He sat up as she helped him slip off her bottoms; she ducked her head, bashful at the smile that had spread across his face.

"So beautiful," he whispered, resuming his goal of kissing every inch of her body. He started with a calf, and laughed when he discovered she was ticklish behind her knee. Her thighs were delectable to him, especially when they clamped around his head. Her soft cries let him know that he had paid just enough attention when guys talked about sex around him; he was doing something right.

He enjoyed her taste, her subtle movements with each pass of his tongue. She was wet and writhing, and he took great pleasure in knowing that he was doing that to her. Tobias pulled away and kissed her thighs, trying to make the moment last forever. He could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest, her hands clenching the pillow above her head. He dipped forwards and teased her with the tip of his tongue; her body arched in response, begging for more. He smiled before giving her what she wanted until she was a shuddering, satisfied heap.

She draped her forearm lazily over her eyes, a smile of contentment on her face. She was still throbbing with pleasure, her desire for more growing with each passing second. He ran his fingers lightly up and down her thighs, coming closer to his destination with each pass. She smiled widely when he was almost there, a ghost of a feeling teasing her as she lay with her eyes covered, still trying to decide exactly what her desires were. She quickly figured out one of them as his fingers found their way to where she was sensitive, aching. She let out a soft 'Oh' at the same time he groaned, her wetness as he slid a finger inside of her enough to make him twitch in his pants.

His movements were slow and precise; she squirmed, arching again at how good it felt. She bit her lip, finally moving her arm to see the look of amusement on Tobias's face. Her giggle quickly turned into a sigh as a new sensation hit her, one that had her reaching out for him, pulling him up to be even with her.

She kissed him, her hands fumbling to remove his pants, wanting him to feel as good as she did. He was quick to help her, and freeing himself with her there was a whole new sensation unto itself. It was her turn to take him in, and she smiled at the sight of him; he was like that because of her.

"Tobias," she murmured, pulling him back down on top of her. He rested on his arms, hovering, trailing his fingers around her face and into her hair. She bit her lip, nodding and encouraging him on.

"You'll tell me if I need to stop?"

"Yes," she whispered, though she couldn't imagine a reason why she would. More than anything, she wanted them to become one.

It was uncomfortable, she thought, though not painful. It was definitely satisfying to feel his body tremble with pleasure, to hear the soft gasp he let out as he settled deep inside of her. His movements were slow, enjoyable. She held on tight, running her hands over his back and through his hair, his throaty moans spurring her on.

She arched and moved underneath him, a slow, pleasurable build happening as they kissed and explored each other. Tris let out a soft cry and his movements quickened, her fingers digging in and pressing him closer to her. She was completely lost in him, in the electricity and the fullness of having him inside of her. Lost in his whispers of love and devotion and forever, she wanted nothing more than for each word to be not just a promise, but a truth; she craved that truth more than anything.

His gasping expletive and the shuddering jolts of his body let her know he had finished. He kissed her, keeping himself inside of her, unwilling to separate. Tobias knew without a doubt that he was madly in love with her, that he never wanted to let her go. The reality of what was to come, though, pulled him down from his high and hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I can't lose you," he whispered.

"You won't," she said, taking his face in her hands. "I promise."

He fell into a deep sleep almost instantly, his arms wrapped protectively around her as she cried into his pillow, terrified to be away from him. Her fears weren't completely unfounded, she thought. If she came home to find Tobias missing, like Matthew's girlfriend, Tris was sure she would lose it, and nobody would be able to stop her from killing David.

What sleep she did get was peppered with nightmares, Tobias waking to secure her to him and kiss her fears away each time. He was here, she reminded herself again and again, not locked up or thrown away. Dawn came before she knew it. Rather than sleep, she decided to spend every last moment with him that she could.

She trailed her fingers across his arm, smiling when he furrowed his eyebrows, looking like his typical, intimidating self. "Tobias," she whispered, kissing the tip of his nose.

He growled and pulled her closer. "What time is it?"

"Time for you to spend the next few hours with me."

He opened his eyes to see her smiling down at him. She was still naked, the sheet pooled over her just right, sparking an instant interest. She draped a leg over him, and slowly eased him onto his back; after everything they had done he still blushed, the sheet leaving no mystery as to what was on his mind.

She pulled the sheet away from herself and him, the growing desire in her going from dull to desperate. She climbed on top of him with ease, kissing him as they fit together perfectly. They entwined themselves more quickly this time, but they lasted much longer, to Tris's great pleasure. Eventually, her stuttered breaths and the way she clawed at him as she moaned with pleasure triggered his own release, the two of them melding into a single moment of ecstasy that left them both shaking and breathless.

They whispered words of love as they lay there, enjoying what time they had left as they kissed and memorized every last thing about each other, reluctantly separating when the time came. Tris was nervous when she reached her destination; she gave Tobias one last look over her shoulder to see him smiling back at her.

"You got this," he said. Tris took a deep breath and nodded, pushing through the door to begin her transformation.

A/N:

Ho ho ho! Christmas came early this year, and I hope you all enjoyed what Santa brought you. :P

Please take note of the rating change from T to M. Sorry it took so long, but hey, it happens. I'm hoping I more than made up for it and all the angsty crap they've been going through.

Also, since Christmas is actually on Friday next week, my posting schedule will change. Next week I will give you guys a MON/THURS update. The following week I will resume my normal TUES/FRI postings.

Please enjoy your weekend, and thank you for your reviews!