I f you want to see anything in particular, just let me know! This is just going to be a lot of fluffy goodness with little plot in it anyway, and was originally intended to be a oneshot. This chapter is in Aedan's POV.I know the story is rated M, but geez, I can't write Morrigan smut. I like her as a friend, but this is one point in Origins that I really can't stand her whatsoever.

I can't make myself look at anybody in this little room. I want to speak up, to say something, but I can't find my words. I want to tell them I'll kill the Archdemon, to stop fussing and arguing because they aren't going to die, but I can't. I barely manage to glance at my sister, eyes wide and staring at the floor in horror. Then her face straightens perfectly, becoming that flat, blank mask it has adopted so often since her return to Highever.

"I know the Taint won't spare you much longer, Riordan, but I'm a possessed mage, and it'll be safer for all of Thedas if-"

I can't describe the feeling of relief that washes over me when he has the gall to interrupt her, the leader, to tell her that she would just have to wait and see. Elissa fixes him with that glare of hers that says she's mad and plotting how to get her way. It's a look I rarely see on my sister because she usually never gets this upset about something not going the way she wanted it to, but when I do, I know better than to argue, and I give in.

This is the one time I refuse.

"Well, get some sleep," she says. "We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow."

I just nod and force my way out the door, staring at the floor as I walk. It feels like there's a lump in my throat, one constricting my breathing. I'm terrified. After everything I went through to get to this point, I was hoping I'd be able to walk away from this alive with Leliana. And when my sister showed up at Highever, I started hoping we could all walk away from the Blight with only stories and scars. Now Riordan is telling us someone has to die, whether it be me, Elissa, Alistair, Cyrus, or himself, one of us will be dead at the end.

I'm not one for crying. I'm one for punching something until my knuckles bleed, but that doesn't feel like it will help. Crying actually feels like something I might do right now. I'm tempted to break down and do it right here in the hallway. I lost my nephew and my sister-in-law and my father to join the Wardens. Then seven months later, my sister dropped off the face of Thedas and didn't show up anywhere for four months. I lost everything to get here and now I might lose it all again?

The Maker has a sick sense of humor.

As I walk past Elissa's room, I see Morrigan standing by the fireplace with her arms crossed. Elissa must not have stopped here. If she did, Morrigan would be gone. My sister must've just gone back with Alistair to his room.

"Are you going to stand there like a simpering idiot or are you going to ask me what I'm doing here?" Morrigan snaps, the venom in her tone obvious. Ever since she propositioned me at camp, she's been bitter. I refused because...well, I hoped Leliana was serious about our relationship. I know now that she is, but when Morrigan had asked me...that, I was still afraid Leli was leading me on.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting, if that much is not obvious to you," Morrigan says. The venom that was in her voice a moment ago is now gone, replaced by a much more docile feel. Morrigan being a bitch doesn't scare me anymore. But Morrigan being nice? I wasn't aware I could be more scared than I already am. "I had planned on asking your sister since we follow her, but you're here, and you would be far more useful in the matter than her."

"Um...what do you need?" I ask, crossing the threshold. I hesitate before closing the door behind myself, and when I turn back to Morrigan, she's looking at me with a serious expression I don't like. "Morrigan?"

"Let me put it simply for you," she says. "I know that a Warden must die to kill the Archdemon." I open my mouth to snap at her for eavesdropping on us, but she continues without reservation. "I also know that you would give your life without a moment's hesitation to save your sister and your friends. What I'm offering is a way out, a way for all of the Wardens to survive."

I start to reply, but I don't have any words. It takes me several minutes of just staring at her, dumbstruck, to think of something to say. "And why would you offer that?"

"Because it is why my mother sent me with you," Morrigan says. "It has always been the point of my staying despite your stupidity."

"Gee, thanks."

"Here is what I propose. Lay with me tonight, and from this union, a child will be conceived. When a Warden kills the Archdemon, the dragon's essence will be drawn to the child instead, and at this early of a stage, the child will be able to survive."

"You...want me to sleep with you." I blink, disgusted by the very thought of sleeping with someone other than Leli, and shake my head vigorously. "No. I can't do that to Leliana. Why don't you get Cyrus to do it? Or Riordan? Why me?"

"Riordan is far too old for the ritual to work," Morrigan says. "And Cyrus is nowhere to be found. He and Zevran have been whoring away their money for the past three hours."

"Great! He wants to have sex anyway! Go find him because I'm not doing it." I turn on my heel and start back out the door, intending on finding Leli back in my own room. I need to talk to her, to tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. I feel horrible. I don't want to die, but neither do I want to do...Morrigan's ritual.

"Think about it Aedan," Morrigan says. I freeze, hand still in the process of pulling the door shut behind me. "Both of us know if Riordan doesn't kill the Archdemon, Elissa will take it upon herself to do so. With her spirit, she will be faster and stronger than you are, and she will outrun you to it. You have a great chance of losing her. Would you rather see her dead than spend one night away from your Orlesian bard?"

I swallow past the lump in my throat. It hasn't gone away, and I'm sure it won't.

"Have you stopped to think what it might be like for Leliana if you did manage to kill the Archdemon instead of Elissa? Do you know how Leliana will feel? How do you think Elissa will feel?"

I shake my head. If I do this, every Warden will survive when the Archdemon dies. Or that's the plan, and if I'm going to go through with this, it damn well better work. And if it works, I'll be able to see Leliana again. I might even get the chance to use the ring tucked in my pocket right now. But if she finds out about this, she might not even agree to it.

I would rather take the chance.

"Fine." The word barely comes out. My mouth has gone dry and I'm already disgusted. Disgusted at myself for agreeing to this. I hate it. I don't want to, but I don't want to lose my sister to the Archdemon. I steel my resolve and stand a little straighter, clearing my throat. "I'll do it. Let's just get this over with." She starts forward, but I hold up a hand. "Tell me what you get out of it first."

"I preserve an ancient power," Morrigan says. "It will be harmless for quite a while, and by the time it could do any harm, I will be able to dispose of it."

I grimace at the way she speaks of the child. "It's going to be a person. You can't just do that."

"I can and I will," she says.

"Will you stay once the dragon is dead?"

"I will not," Morrigan says.

"What about Talith? You think that's fair to him? Did you even tell him what you came up here to do?"

"No. The less he knows, the better."

"Fine. Then...just...strip. I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."

The moment we're finished, I get to my feet and get dressed. I buckle every clasp to my armor and even throw on my weapons, leaving Morrigan to get dressed and go about whatever she plans on doing now without a word. My hair isn't exactly pretty, but I don't care. I walk down the hall to Alistair's room, hoping that someone is still awake in there, and knock on the door roughly.

"Go away," Elissa says. She sounds upset, like she's been crying.

"It's me," I say. "I uh...I need to talk to you guys. It's really, really important. Like...it can't wait important."

I hear some shuffling from within before the door swings open. I step into the room somewhat less gracefully than usual, and run both of my hands up and down my face. I can't believe I did that. I want to peel all of my skin off my body. I want to vomit. Dear Maker, I'm a horrible, horrible man. I don't deserve Leli. Not after what I just did.

"What is it?" Elissa asks.

I force myself to meet my twin's eyes. They are puffy and red, bloodshot. Yes, she was crying. I can't blame her. I am on the verge of it. "I uh...um...well, I did...this thing...with Morrigan...and we uh...we might not die."

"What sort of thing?" She looks suspicious.

"A...thing. Just...don't tell Leliana. I'll...I'll explain it to her after the Archdemon is dead."

Elissa's eyes go wide, and then a look of disgust creeps over her face. "You did not."

"I had to!" Why can't she understand?!

She throws her hands up in exasperation, groaning. "Well, we'll just see how this goes, then, huh?" I nod my agreement, feeling numb. "So, care to explain what happened exactly?" After a moment, she grimaces at how that sounded.

"Morrigan's pregnant," I say simply. "The kid absorbs the Archdemon's soul instead of the Warden. The baby and the Warden survive, but the child will have the soul of an Old God. That's the impression I got."

Alistair's face is pale. "So...we won't die?"

"If Morrigan's right, whomever kills the dragon will survive the soul-eating," I say, rubbing my forehead. "Now I'm going to go burn my skin. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night, brother," Elissa says. "I...I hope it works."

"Me too, sis."

Then I leave them alone, heading for the baths instead of my room. That'll be where Leli is, and I can't face her knowing what I just did. Not yet. I'll go burn myself in some water, eat, beat the shit out of some training dummies, and then maybe I'll be ready to go to bed. I make my way through the castle at a brisk pace as I search for the armory. Once there, I pull off my armor and leave it on an empty stand, resolving to come back for it in the morning. I head back out into the hallway and turn right. Now my steps are silent, no metal to clank and rub on itself. My boots are soft and comfortable, but they feel strange without the weight of plates covering them. It's been so long since I just...walked somewhere. I rarely go without my armor anymore, and I feel strange, bare, without it.

Before I know it, I find myself in the room where the servants bathe. It is long since empty, far too late for anybody to be awake except us. I know my way around the tubs though, so it's not hard for me to get one filled with scalding hot water. I scrub my skin furiously, submerging in the soapy water on several occasions to get the feel of Morrigan's hands in my hair gone. I scrub with all the energy left in my body. I want to wash the memory away and beg forgiveness from the Maker. I don't want to tell Leli, but I'll have to. I hate lying to people in general, but she's different. I love her so much it hurts sometimes. I can't lie to her.

I climb out of the water and dry myself off, briefly enjoying the feel of the soft towel running over my wounded flesh. I stand there for a few minutes, naked, absorbing the light draft as it tickles the hair on my body. Then I get dressed and follow through with the rest of my plan. Making my way down to the larder, I think on the food I want, anything to keep my mind from what I just did with the Witch of the Wilds. I don't want to think about that ever again. I cheated on Leli, and not even because I wanted to. I don't ever want to. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and I love her with every fiber of my being, but what I just did...that's the deepest form of betrayal, and I'm not sure how I'll tell her. I refuse to do it now when Morrigan is still within her reach. I know her well, and Leliana would go after her. She might even be able to kill Morrigan before her rational mind could take over, and then that all would've been for naught.

I'm close to the training yard from here, so I leave the keep instead of getting food, jogging down the steps three at a time. The wind chills my damp skin and hair, but in a good way. It reminds me of our nights at camp during the spring. We'd been in Orzammar for most of the winter, effectively avoiding the blizzards that ravage Ferelden. It had been well on its way through spring when we made it back to the surface, and it was a wonderful feeling. The sun on my skin, the crisp feel of fresh air in my lungs, the smell of wet dog that's everywhere in Ferelden...and no giant spiders. Elissa and I have had...issues with spiders since we were born, but Leli wasn't bothered by them. We fought through scores of the things, and they didn't even bother her. Not until one pinned her and tried to eat her.

Maker, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I barely had the willpower to move my feet, let alone help her. That had thankfully been the last one because the instant it was dead, Leliana had grabbed me. She was shaking so badly that I had begun to as well. I felt horrible. The fear on her face...I hated that I had seized up the way I did. I still do.

And now I've gone and slept with someone else.

I grimace at the thought, marching over to the rack with sparring swords. I grab the heaviest one I can find before I turn to the stuffed, wooden figures, and swing at the closest. Its side explodes in a puff of feathers. I don't care. I don't care now. I just want to beat away every single memory of this night. I don't want to remember what I did. I won't be able to tell her until the Archdemon is dead, and I won't feel right asking her to marry me until she knows. But why would she say yes if I slept with Morrigan?

The first training dummy falls off its beam, rolling away in the grass.

"Oops," I mutter to myself.

I continue beating the feathers from the dummies until my arm is too tired to raise. Then I throw the weapon aside, panting, sweating, but still furious. Furious with myself, with Morrigan, with her stupid ritual, with life. If the Archdemon would just die, we wouldn't have this problem. The four Wardens that ended the previous Blights would've had lives to live.

Instead, the Maker asks us to die, to give up one more of our numbers.

The thought of my sister serving Him makes me sick.

I make my way back up to the keep, using my left arm and shoulder to push one door open. I stagger inside and massage my right side, wincing at the soreness there. Well, I succeeded at forgetting what I just did, if only briefly. Now I'm too tired to walk, but I force my feet to carry me back upstairs and to my room. As I open the door, I start hoping that Leliana will be asleep. Please, just be sleeping. It'll make tonight so much easier.

She is. Thank the Maker.

I give a small sigh of relief as I step inside. I close and lock the door behind me, running a hand down my face. I'm so tired. I need to sleep, but I don't want to sleep in these clothes. Shuffling over to the dresser, I pull out a white shirt and a pair of black trousers, doing my best to change into them as quickly and quietly as possible. I use the towel beside the water basin to dry my face and neck off, splash myself with some of the bowl's contents, and dry myself off again. Now I can sleep.

As I turn back to the bed, I realize I'll have to sleep beside Leli. I wince at the idea of it. How can I do that after what I just did with Morrigan?

I hate myself while I climb into the bed. Her back is to me, but every fiber of my being screams at me to touch her, hold her, anything to remind myself that she loves me. And I hate myself more as I scoot closer. I need some comfort and Leli always makes me feel better. She's the only reason I haven't lost my mind on this stupid quest.

I press my chest to her back and wrap my arm around her waist, breathing deeply before I close my eyes. But sleep doesn't come. I'm tormented by thoughts of my time with Morrigan and fear of what's to come. If this ritual doesn't work, then cheating on Leliana wasn't worth anything, and I could lose my sister, my closest friends, or myself. I could die. I don't want to die. I have people I care about that I want to care about a little bit longer. Of course, for me to even have a shot at getting to the Archdemon, I'll have to make it to the damn dragon in the first place.

Somehow I know I won't be the one to kill it no matter what happens. I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not. If the Warden survives, sure I'll be happy. We all would be alive afterwards. But if the Warden dies...

I've lost too much this year. A large part of my family, countless friends from Highever and Amaranthine (I know I won't be able to trust Nathaniel anymore) and so much blood. So many people have died and all I have to remember anything are scars. I only ever had one from when Fergus and I were children, but now my body is covered in them. We'd been stupid enough to spar with real swords and he'd gotten a good shot at my shoulder, ripping it open. Elissa had been freaked out at the sight of my blood and ran for help while Fergus and I just sat on the ground and laughed about it.

But now I have ones from werewolves, from darkspawn, from abominations, even from Howe's men. Three large claw marks rake to my left down the center of my chest, but they're the only scars I can say I'm proud of. I'd jumped in between Leli and a werewolf when we'd first encountered them in the Brecilian Forest, and thankfully, didn't turn into a nasty dog. She panicked, yelled at me even, and then spent the next two days ignoring me because I had gotten hurt. The only reason she talked to me at camp was because I forced her to so I could give her a flower I found. I remembered how she said that she can only remember her mother through Andraste's Grace, a flower I knew was commonly found in those parts, and one night at camp, I snuck away to find it. She forgave me and agreed, albeit reluctantly, that Wynne was right when she said the only reason I survived was because my armor was so thick and heavy. Wynne had snapped back at Leli while she was healing me, saying how instead of cutting her like the claws did to me, they would've impaled her, pierced her heart and killed her right then and there.

Those are the only scars I'll ever be able to say I'm proud of. All the others are marks of when I let an opponent get past my guard. It hurts my pride to say that.

I don't realize Leliana is awake until it's too late for me to feign being asleep. She hums to herself like she usually does when she first wakes up, and then rolls over, fixing me with a set surprisingly alert blue eyes. Leli always manages to look like she's been awake for hours after just waking up.

"Where have you been?" Her voice betrays her alertness. She sounds exhausted, and the yawn that escapes her doesn't help her case.

I squeeze my eyes shut, swallowing past the now apparent lump in my throat. "Talking with Riordan about what's going to happen when we get to Denerim." It wasn't a lie, just a partial truth, and I hope she can't tell. She's always been good at figuring out what I'm thinking.

"And what did he have to say?"

I hold back the feeling of relief I get when she accepts my answer. "Nothing I can say," I whisper. "It's...a Warden secret."

Leli sighs, unimpressed with that response. "Fine," she says. "But he kept you so long. Why?"

"To discuss strategies with us on the best way to kill the Archdemon."

She wraps her arms around my chest and pulls herself closer. "You smell like soap."

"I needed a bath."

"Soap and sweat."

"I beat the hell out of training dummies before coming to bed," I admit. "I changed and everything, though. I'm clean. Sort of."

A smile tugs at her lips. "I missed you earlier. Why didn't you just come to bed?" I hesitate. How am I supposed to answer that without lying? She can tell when I am. She's always been able to. "Aedan?" Leli looks up at me, frowning.

"Because I don't deserve you," I say. "You're such a good person. You trusted Elissa when I was afraid to. My own sister, and I couldn't trust her. I thought she was a demon in disguise or a blood mage pretending to be her so they could kill us. Compared to you, I should hang."

"It was understandable," Leli says. "You are forgiven for it."

"It was still a mistake," I say, throat constricting. Yes, it was. I thought my sister was going to kill me, so I'd begun to figure out how to kill the monster masquerading around as her. My life is full of mistakes. "I shouldn't be forgiven so easily."

Leliana's frown returns when she reaches up to run her thumb across my cheek. It takes me a moment to realize that I'm crying. Silently, but the tears still fall, and it pains me to be so weak when I usually keep it together. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head furiously. "Nothing."

"Aedan, it's not nothing. You're crying, and you never do that."

I hate this. I hate it all. Why can life never be simple? "I'm scared, okay? Tomorrow, we're marching for Denerim when the army is unprepared. We're leaving the rest of the country open and defenseless. What if Riordan is wrong and the Archdemon is only leading a small band of darkspawn to the capital? What if the rest are waiting in the Wilds for us to leave so they can destroy Ferelden? What if I lose my brother or my sister? My friends? Nothing makes sense anymore! Any one of us could die when we reach Denerim, but no one seems to care. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose someone else. I'm afraid that I might die and never get to tell you how much I love you. I'm terrified, Leli. I'm terrified because I could lose the one good thing that's come of this, and I can't. I wouldn't be able to take it if you died."

She puts her hand on my cheek, saying, "No one is going to die at Denerim. Not you, not me, not Alistair, not Elissa. We're all going to walk away from this alive."

I only wish that were certain.