Of Suffering and Love

By: RosexKnight

Belle and Rumple finally talk. Or try to.

(( Anon Prompted: Does the #%€$£ Blue Fairy ever stick her nose in a "save" Belle and Bae?

Anon Prompted: Spinner!verse: Suffer love!—a good epithet. I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.

There's angst. I'm not sorry. ))

They hadn't talked about it.

They hadn't talked about anything.

Not her feelings for him. Not his feelings for her. Not the kiss. Not Baelfire's requests. Not that night they had shared three years ago before he had become The Dark One. Not anything.

It wasn't for lack of trying. Belle did try. She tried to bring it up at tea when Baelfire was out tending to his horse. She tried to bring it up at night while he spun and she read or embroidered. She tried to bring it up while she cooked dinner and he came to watch with Baelfire. And each and every time he scurried off to some nonexistent task like some startled fawn.

And frankly, Belle was getting tired of it.

The most they had said to each other about anything important was after Bae had called Belle "mama" in front of Rumple for the first time.

"Mama I'm gonna go brush Fillipe." Baelfire had said after breakfast.

"A-alright." Belle said, glancing nervously to Rumple. "Do some warm-ups when you're finished if you like."

And the boy had hurried off, leaving the adults alone. They say quietly, inhumanly so, for a long moment before Belle stood to gather the plates and other dishes.

"He…he called you…"

"Yeah. Is it okay?"

"Of course it's okay! It's…it's wonderful."

Belle opened her mouth to turn and say something, but he was already gone.

Clearly, the only way to have this talk was to corner him.

Perhaps tonight wasn't the best night though. He'd been in his tower all day, which meant he was probably in a mood. But dammit Belle couldn't take it anymore! It was all driving her mad! And so, she began to climb the stairs with a tray of tea, partially as an excuse to see him, and partially as a piece offering.

"Rumple?" She called as she pushed open the door.

She heard scuffling of paper and a curse as she entered. Rumple was facing her, looking much more like a boy with his hand caught in a cookie jar than a powerful sorcerer.

Something was wrong.

"You missed tea." She offered, holding out the tray with the teapot and chipped cup.

"I'm not in the mood." He said, his voice low and perhaps a little gruff.

Belle ignored him, approaching the table to set down the tea set anyway. He didn't move, only standing rigid in front of a stack of parchment clumsily shuffled together in an attempt to organize it.

"What are you doing up here?" Belle asked, eyeing the stack curiously as she poured him tea. He never quite minded her in his work space as long as she didn't touch anything.

This seemed different though, as The Dark One's hand flew to the stack, pushing it aside.

"Nothing you need concern yourself with." He said firmly. "I said I'm not in the mood for tea, dearie."

The princess only sighed. "Rumple, we need to talk."

"Not right now." He said, turning away.

"No we have to right now!" Belle caught his arm. "Rumple if we don't—"

"I said no Belle!" He snapped, snatching his hand away from her.

But his hand hit the stack of parchment, scattering the papers on the table and floor. He cursed softly and tried to snatch the one Belle picked one up away from her. But she only jerked it from him, reading over the short biography and family line and health record of the woman who was pictured there. Her blood ran cold.

"What are you doing?"

Rumpelstiltskin didn't look at her. "Nothing you need concern yourself with."

She tried, oh did she try, to make her voice hold her usual princess authority, but she only sounded like a desperate child. "Rumpelstiltskin you tell me what you're doing with these right now!"

"I'm screening potential mothers!" He snapped, suddenly looking more like the beast who had strangled Nottingham than her spinner. He sounded like a wounded animal.

Something roiled inside Belle, and it was a wonder she stayed upright as the paper fell from her hand. "Screening…"

"For Bae's little sister."

"You can't!" She was shrieking. "Bae asked me for a little sister! He didn't want you to deal for one! You can't make a deal with another woman for a child that's supposed to be mine!"

"But it will be yours." Rumpelstiltskin said, sounding far too logical, "Don't you see? You'll have Bae. And this child when she's born. Nothing will change. You'll still be free to stay with us. To act as Bae's mama."

"What are you talking about?!"

"I can't tie you down to us!" He snapped, and the room fell still. "You want to travel. To be free. You're a princess. You don't deserve to be stuck here, tied down to a monster because his son wants a little sister from you. This is the only way Bae will get a little sister and you will stay…At least for a while."

"You think I'll leave?" She asked, trying desperately to wrap her head around his logic. "You think once I have Bae's little sister I'll leave you two? With what? The father that doesn't even exist yet?"

"You…you deserve your happiness. It's not here, Belle I know that." He looked at her now, and his eyes were full of anguish. "Please realize that I can't hear that truth come from your lips."

The two fell silent, staring at each other for a long time. He wasn't…he couldn't…This means he didn't…

Finally, he looked away, gathering the papers. Belle didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tears on her chin.

"You're a fool, Rumpelstiltskin." She choked. "A cowardly fool."

He didn't say anything, only seemed to shrink from shame.

"I can't do this." His eyes snapped to her, the anger in them gone now, replaced by pure terror. "I can't sit by here and watch you with another while I suffer love."

"Suffer love?" His voice was small, and she couldn't tell the emotions behind it.

The princess didn't stay to decipher the emotions either. A heartbeat later her feet were carrying her the familiar route to her room, and she cried into a blue handkerchief embroidered with a still too perfect B.

"Papa?"

Baelfire's voice broke through Rumple's haze as he numbly entered The Great Hall. He wasn't sure which word had cut him more. The fact that Belle had said suffer, which meant she was hurting, or the fact shed said love while referring to him, which meant he was the reason for that hurt.

Love. She loved him. She loved him and thought he didn't love her. Because he thought she didn't love him. He needed to go to her. To talk. To—"

"Papa!" The Dark One's eyes snapped to his son. "Mama's crying."

All Rumpelstiltskin could do was nod, but this didn't seem to satisfy Baelfire.

"You're gonna fix it right?"

"Yes." The Dark One decided, the word leaving his lips before he thought it, new determination welling inside him. "Yes, Bae I'll fix it."

The handkerchief was tear-stained, yet still Belle clutched it.

This wasn't fair. He knew. He must have known. How did he not know? And now he was running? Trying to keep her here for Bae? Because they thought the little sister meant she would leave? But why? Why couldn't he see she what she wanted? Why couldn't he want it too? Had she been wrong? Had he changed since becoming The Dark One? Was he no longer her spinner?

Did it all mean nothing to him?

A knock sounded before his voice came. "Belle?"

Her eyes flew up, but her body wouldn't move. They still needed to talk. But tears were threatening again and she didn't trust herself.

"Belle please…"

"Coming." She managed as she slowly stood, her whole body feeling suddenly heavy. She thought she'd been ready for this talk, but perhaps she was wrong.

"Wait!"

The voice rang through the room before Belle could open the door. The princess turned to find herself face to face with a fairy. The Blue Fairy. Dread bubbled up inside her. She had no idea why a fairy was here, but she was fairly certain that Fairy Magic and Rumple's Magic didn't mix well. The Blue Fairy was not here without a reason.

"Belle sweetheart come with me." The fairy said, extending a hand to her. "It's time to go home."