This chapter is set in DA2 during Act 3. It's during the 'Finding Nathaniel' quest you get if he became a Warden in Awakening.

"We're going into the Deep Roads again?"

Leliana doesn't look very happy at the thought of it. She seems to be remembering our past experiences in those cursed tunnels, and the prospect of facing similar moments is terrifying.

"The First Warden wants us to," I say. "If he wasn't ordering it, we wouldn't be."

"Why does he care how far Hawke got into the Deep Roads? It shouldn't be a big deal. We went so far down we saw the Archdemon."

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Leli, I don't know why he wants us to go, but we are. Elissa is already on thin ice with him; we don't want to make it worse by arguing."

She grabs my forearms, eyes shining. "Aedan, I can't go back there. Don't you understand? I can't. It terrifies me just thinking of it. I still have nightmares about that place."

I wrap my arms around her and she buries her face in my chest, trembling. "I know you do. I do, too, but we don't have much of a choice. The First Warden wants us to go, so we go. This time, there will be six of us, and we'll have plenty of rations and water and anything else. I swear we will. None of us will get hurt. We'll be as safe as we can."

"It's not that. I'm afraid of sensing all of those darkspawn."

I do my best to smile in a comforting way. "It won't be as bad as it was during the Blight. The darkspawn are far too busy looking for another Archdemon."

I spend the rest of the night holding her and comforting her, but in the morning, she still looks sick. She's as appalled by this as the rest of us. Elissa doesn't know what it was like, but she knows what it was like being around the horde. Us and Alistair...we know the pain from being near so many darkspawn.

It is not easy to cope with.

I run a whetstone across the blade of my sword, ignoring the constant tingle on my spine. We have a small fire going to keep the deepstalkers at bay. The others are sitting around it, eating or talking, barely paying any attention to me. Leliana is staring mutely into the flames. Elissa and Alistair are whispering to each other. Carver and Nathaniel are talking about the best way to kill darkspawn (not surprised).

"We should get moving," I say flatly. "We've wasted away enough time down here."

Elissa tears her eyes away from Alistair to look past his shoulder at me. "Eager to see more darkspawn, brother?"

"No. I'm eager to get out of here."

"I second that," Alistair says.

She sighs. "I suppose you're right. Come on; let's get moving. Nathaniel, Aedan, stay back to keep this tunnel clear. The rest of you, with me. We'll see you in a few hours."

I catch Leliana's gaze as she gets to her feet. She looks more tired than anything, but the unwillingnesss to continue deeper is still there. Elissa believes in learning on the job in situations such as these, so she's taking Carver and Leliana deeper into the Roads even though their discomfort has been clear since we set foot in the entrance. Leliana seems to be suffering more than the black-haired man though. When we stop for sleep, she'll wake up from nightmares constantly. They haven't been darkspawn dreams, mostly, but more terrors of memories left over from the Blight. The first night down here was the worst for all of us; the transition from semi-normal dreams to Tainted nightmares was sudden and unwanted. For those of us used to being near so many darkspawn, it has gotten better, far more bearable. If I'm lucky, I can block the dreams some nights, but Leliana and Carver have nowhere near the amount of experience as the rest of us. They suffer through the torments daily, jumping at every little movement or sound.

I should've talked Elissa into letting Leli stay in Kirkwall with Cyrus. Maker, I feel horrible. I want nothing more than to take Leliana as far away from here as possible.

"And then there were two," Nathaniel says.

"Two plus a billion darkspawn," I reply. He laughs, but it isn't the same laugh as a happy one. He sounds bitter. "What's wrong, Nate? Miss Amaranthine already?"

"Don't tell me you like it down here."

"We have it better off than Leliana or Carver. I can't complain."

He sighs, getting to his feet to move around and stomp out our now pointless fire. "Do you ever wish you didn't join the Wardens?"

"Um...no."

"Why?"

"Because that means your father killed me," I state flatly.

"Ah, yes. Good point," Nate agrees.

"Why'd you ask? Do you?"

Nate shrugs and leans on his bow. "Some days. It hurts to see your sister with another man. The dreams are horrible."

I look down at my sword, inspecting the nick in the blade I have been trying to get rid of. "You really did like her, didn't you?"

"Of course I did. Being a Warden...you lose too much for anything to be worth it. I haven't found a happy moment with them yet."

I flick my gaze up to his, chuckling. "You think I don't know that? All I got are my bones and my crazy family of armed lunatics."

"You've got more than most Wardens," Nate says.

"I do," I admit. "I've got my sister, a brother, and my wife. That's pretty much all I want, though. I like being a Warden for the time being."

"All we've got to look forward to is the Calling."

"Yeah, that kinda sucks ass, but hey, what're you gonna do? There's no happy ending for anybody."

"Always the philosopher," he says, laughing. I laugh too, shaking my head. "So. Found yourself an Orlesian?"

"Is that a problem?"

"What did my father say he betrayed your father for? Consorting with the Orlesians?"

I stifle another laugh. "Consorting is one way to put it."

I get to my feet and tuck my whetstone into my pack. Then I pick up my shield, tighten its straps on my left forearm, and shove my sword into its scabbard. Just as I do, I feel the tickling on my spine increase.

"We're in for a long day," Nate grumbles.

"One, long Maker-forsaken day." I draw my sword, turning back the way we came, but I hear heavy footfalls coming from both openings to the cavern. "Great. They missed some." The grunts and screams of the darkspawn are only coming from the way forward, but I don't trust the other direction. I decide it's best to face the way I know there are darkspawn coming from, and Nathaniel follows my lead.

The first darkspawn falls to Nate's arrows. They come in a swarm after that, tripping over the bodies of their fallen comrades. I settle into a crouch. Placing my shield between myself and the darkspawn, I catch the first swing of an axe without much trouble. The sound of fighting erupts, and our day of darkspawn killing and Grey Warden-ing begins.

It's only when I feel a rush of heat do I realize that they have an emissary.

"Watch out for the mage!" I call to Nathaniel. "Take him out!"

I duck behind my shield as the axe swings again, and the metallic ringing in my ears drowns his response out. When the pressure lessens, I bring my arm in before shoving it out, ramming the hurlock. It falls, tripping over the rock-strewn ground, and I drive my sword into its chest. A genlock approaches from my left, but I rend its head from its shoulders before it can so much as twitch.

"Aedan! The emissary!"

I look up to see the hurlock running down the tunnel it came from. After kicking a hurlock away, I bolt after it, swinging my shield over my shoulder. Almost immediately, several arrows bounce off the hardened metal, further ruining the paint on the Cousland crest. I sheath my sword as I chase the monster deeper. It runs down a stone staircase and past a gigantic spike of lyrium, up another staircase, and out onto a road. It heads left towards a debris-covered section. Stone golems stand alongside the wall, and despite my fascination with them, I don't stop. I chase it through the winding path and into another cavern where the others are fighting a massive wave of darkspawn. I'm only a few feet behind it, but it is just enough to give it the chance to launch a lightning bolt at the Wardens before I can reach it. I don't see who it was aimed for; I tackle the emissary and roll several feet with it. I begin to prepare a smite when it kicks me off. I jump to my feet and rip my sword free of its scabbard, sliding into a defensive stance. The monster shrieks at me, raising its staff for another spell. But by then, I have my smite ready, and I blast the mage with it. The energy that takes...it makes my skin crawl. As it tries to recover, I march up to it and free its head from its shoulders.

An arrow bounces off my back, forcing me to turn to the fighting. I shrug my shield onto my arm as I turn, but the archer has already been silenced by an arrow with black fletching. One of Elissa's. She must either be out of mana or trying to conserve it. Before I can join them, they finish off the darkspawn here.

I frown. I don't see Leliana.

"Didn't I tell you to stay back with Nathaniel?" Elissa asks, walking up to me.

"I planned on it, but then we were attacked, and that idiot tried to get away."

"You-"

"Liss!" Alistair shouts. "We need you over here!"

She turns and I look past her shoulder to see him and Carver crouched around someone. My eyes widen. Oh no. Maker, please, don't let this be real.

The two of us run over to them. Alistair is saying something about not moving, to not aggravate the wound, to breathe deeply and slowly, to just keep her eyes open a little longer. My heart clenches and my breath hitches in my throat. In the center of the metal guard all Warden armor has is a massive hole. It has scorch marks all around it and red stains. Maker, there's so much blood...I wasn't even aware of being able to bleed from a burn.

"You two, go keep an eye out for more darkspawn," Elissa orders, pointing at Alistair and Carver. "And you, get your ass moving and help me."

"Help? I'm no mage. What could I do?" I crouch by Leliana anyway, too shocked to do anything else.

"Keep her awake. Talk to her, hit her, whatever. I don't care; just don't let her go into shock. Can you do that without panicking?"

I nod stupidly. "Yeah, I can."

"Good, but be ready to get up and help them if more darkspawn come," Elissa says. "I swear to the Maker they can smell blood."

I shift around so I'm sitting by her head, and cross my legs so I can pull her head into my lap. She's blinking at the ceiling, eyes unfocused, darting around confusedly. I force a smile onto my face as I brush her hair from her face. "How is a burn bleeding?"

Elissa shakes her head as she rummages around in her pack for lyrium and healing potions. "I don't know. But she's toughed out a wound in her chest for a good three minutes, so I'd assume that the lightning bolt didn't hit her heart. Perhaps an artery or some other blood vessel." Elissa finds what she's looking for and gulps down one of the blue potions, scowling at the flavor. "You're one tough son of a bitch, Leliana. I'll give you credit."

I laugh once, bitterly like Nate did mere moments ago. I hope he's all right. I'd feel horrible if he got hurt or died, but not as bad as I would if Leliana did. She's hurt, yes, and it pains me to see her like this, but I can't stand the thought of losing her too.

Her eyes drift shut. Panic starts forming in my gut, but I force it back to lean down and whisper, "Open your eyes, love. Please, you need to keep them open."

"Aedan?"

"Keep your mouth shut lady," Elissa orders. "You watch Aedan and don't move one inch, or this'll hurt more than it did to die. Got that? Good. Now shut up."

"You don't deal with losing people well, do you?" I'll say anything to keep from thinking about what could happen to Leli. I already know the answer to that question.

"I'm not losing anybody," Elissa snarls. "Not if I have anything to say about it."She stands up on her knees, folding her hands together. I tear my gaze away from my sister to find Leliana's. She's staring at me, blinking slowly in late intervals. Her breathing is ragged and her skin is pale, far too pale for it to be healthy. She's losing a lot of blood. Out of the corner of my eye, I see light blue energy coming from my sister's hands as she readies a healing spell.

I can tell when she starts the healing process. Leliana's face twists up into an expression of pain and discomfort. She squeezes her eyes shut, but I don't tell her to open them; it's obvious she's not passing out. I feel helpless. It's all I can do to comfort her. If Elissa hadn't come like she originally intended... Leliana would be dead. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I lost her. She's been my whole world for years. Losing her would break me. Seeing her like this, in pain that is my fault, hurts more than anything I've ever felt. Not even losing my friends and family hurt this much. Leliana isn't even dead, but it hurts more. So much more. I haven't felt this guilty about anything, or this distraught over someone's injury. I didn't even feel this upset when I found out Elissa had vanished. Yes, I was upset, upset enough to hold off leaving Redcliffe for another week, but...it has nothing on this. It's in my chest, eating away at me. Her pain is breaking my heart.

"Darkspawn coming!" Alistair shouts.

Elissa looks up at me. "Go."

I hesitate, glancing between her and Leli, feeling torn, when my choice is decided for me.

"Stay. Please." Leli looks like she's begging now, and it hurts even more.

Elissa sighs. "I told you to be quiet." She makes a motion with her hand. "You can stay. Alistair! Can you hold them off for a few minutes?"

He laughs. "You won't get to kill anything, Liss!"

She looks back to her current task, faintly smiling, and I understand. Just hearing their voice...it's better than anything. I still feel like an ass for getting defensive and yelling at her for getting involved with Alistair. If anyone deserves to be yelled at for getting involved with someone, it would be me. I'm a Fereldan, and even though I consider her as such, Leliana is an Orlesian. Few outside of our circle believe her when she says her mother was from Denerim, and those that do, don't think it's enough to be 'another barbarian'. Leliana has always seemed fine with being a Fereldan though. She doesn't care what people say. But it's not everyday people hear about a Fereldan and an Orlesian marrying because they actually love each other. It's bred into both nationalities to hate. I was raised to hate Orlesians, and yet here I am, completely in love with a woman with an Orlesian accent. Fereldans and Orlesians don't mix, but I got upset over my sister caring for another Fereldan. He doesn't hurt her at all. They fight, that much is clear by the glares they'll shoot each other sometimes, but Alistair protects her regardless. I've caused Leliana so much grief that it's not even fair.

"Aedan, I need you to help her get a healing potion down. There's something wrong that I can't heal," Elissa says. She passes me a flask of red liquid after checking to see if it's still safe for consumption. The cavern shakes, making both of our heads snap up. The tingling on my spine intensifies, signaling the impending arrival of an ogre. "Hurry!"

I pop the cork out of the flask while Elissa continues healing. I put the flask to Leliana's lips and tilt it slowly while she swallows every disgusting drop of it.

"Good to go!" Elissa exclaims. "On your feet; we've got company!"

Elissa scrambles for her equipment before leaping to her feet and running back to the other two. After some careful movements and winces, I've helped Leliana to her feet.

"You think you can fight?" I ask.

"Do I have a choice?" Leli retorts.

I look down briefly before looking back up and shaking my head. "No, I guess not. But when do we ever?"

We're sitting in the Hanged Man for the first time in years, but at a table separate from Hawke's. Elissa and Miranda clash more often than not, and putting the two mages in the same room is dangerous enough. Anders has apparently gotten worse during the time we were away, or that's the impression I got when he came to talk to Elissa and I. He begged for our help with something. I was so disgusted by what he was asking that I wanted to strike him down where he stood for suggesting it. But the look on Elissa's face...she agreed. I don't understand why, but it's not the time to question her decisions. Right now, we need to recover from our most recent trek into the Deep Roads, and then get back to Ferelden to fight off the newest Orlesian invasion.

I chance a look over at Leliana, but she's just staring at her food with an uncharacteristically blank expression. "How are you holding up?"

"I have seen better days."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "This was my fault."

She frowns and forces herself to tear her eyes away from the tavern's mystery meat stew. "How was my getting injured your fault? I made a stupid mistake, one I won't make again." I start to reply, but she gets up and walks upstairs.

"Well that was weird. She usually eats as much as Liss," Alistair says.

"Hey!"

I allow a faint smirk to cross my face. "Elissa, you have already admitted to eating more than most Wardens. Getting defensive about it now means nothing."

She snorts. "I'm getting defensive about Alistair believing someone might actually eat as much as I do."

I manage to laugh with the others. "In all fairness, the women in the Wardens do eat quite a bit," Nate says. "The two of you did spend more of our sovereigns on meals than us four."

"All right, fine," Elissa says. "But Leliana has nothing on how much I eat."

I roll my eyes and push my chair back. "I'm heading to bed. I'm tired as it is, and I should probably check on her."

Elissa nods, waving me off. "See you tomorrow, brother. Sleep well."

I force a smile for her. Elissa's always got my back, and vice versa. I can always count on her, just like I can always count on Leliana. I just hope she's all right.