We're on our way from Soldier's Peak to the Dalish camp in the south when he says it. Awkward and shy first, but more confident the second time. His smile is hesitant, and by the way he waits, I assume he wants me to say it back. Of course he would. Why can't this be simple? I knew I shouldn't have let it get this far. I'm such an idiot. He is a Grey Warden. He needs to be focused on the Blight. He can't afford to worry about me.

I just nod and pick up my things before standing. I walk over towards the fire to sit with Wynne, thinking I'm free of the pressure.

Barely sparing a glance back over my shoulder, I see Aedan watching me with a pained expression on his face. I regret my actions instantly, but I don't get up to fix it. I tell myself it's for the best despite the longing. I tell myself he needs to be able to focus on what's important. I'm not. I don't want it to, but if it comes down to a choice between me and ending the Blight, he needs to be able to let me go.

I only wish feelings were so simple.

"Why aren't you with Aedan?" Wynne asks. She's got her nose buried in a spell book. I catch a glimpse of one of the drawings as she turns the page, and I'm suddenly glad I'm not a mage.

I look back down to the trap I'm working on and shrug. "I needed my space."

She chuckles. "That would be a first for you two."

I bend the metal to the side and wrap a cors around the joint before yanking my hand back. The trap's jaws snap shut, and after a few tests, I'm satisfied enough to set it aside. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you are always sitting with him, or talking to him, or talking about him," Wynne says. She still refrains from looking up, but I get the feeling she's hiding her amusement. I'm not sure if I should be irritated by it, or if I should be...embarrassed about how obvious I made my attraction to the Warden.

Instead, I try to deflect the conversation to something else. "Oh I get it. Now that Elissa and Alistair aren't here, you're going to poke at Aedan and I." She looks back to the brown-haired man, who has gotten up to talk to Sten. I follow her gaze and feel a pang of guilt. And jealousy. I want him to be talking to me instead of the Qunari, but I want him to stay away from me at the same time. Only trouble can come from this. I shouldn't have let feelings get involved. Aedan is too sweet and...innocent to do this to.

But when his eyes flick over to us, they darken, and he doesn't even pause to catch his breath as he launches into another discussion with the stoic warrior.

"What was that look for?" Wynne actually makes eye contact when she asks. Her brows are creased together in a frown, and she glances between Aedan and I, and the sudden cold glare Aedan and I are sharing. "Did something happen?"

I look away first and shake my head. "No, nothing is happening. Not anymore."

And I hate myself for it. I can't tell him. It wouldn't be fair to him or to the people depending on him. What if I get hurt and die? What if something happens? It's better for Aedan to believe I'm just as cold and bitchy as Morrigan. Better for him, better for me. If I can distance myself, I can get over this irrational dependency on his presence. Then I won't have to worry about him as much. Yes, ending our relationship now really is for the best.

"Why?" The question is so simple that it stings.

I shrug. "Better choice," I mumble halfheartedly.

I take a twig that missed the fire and poke at the flames, feeling rather morose and annoyed with myself, and with Aedan. It is not fair for me to be annoyed with him, though. He really has no experience with things like this; how could he know how painful and dangerous it is? No, this is my fault. I let it get this far. If I had shot down his attempts earlier, a simple crush would never have gotten to this stage. He never would've liked me, and I never would've liked him.

I know the dangers of loving someone. I know how badly they can twist that affection around and use it as a weapon. And I know how easily someone else can exploit it as a weakness.

"Are you sure about that?" Wynne asks.

"Yes."

The older woman sighs. "He went through a massacre not so long ago. How would suffering from heartbreak be better?"

"Less trouble."

"That's not really fair of you, then." My head snaps up and I'm about to snap something about how life isn't fair when she continues. "You don't come off as the kind of person to play with someone's feelings." I want to laugh at how wrong that statement is. I did it all the time for Marjolaine. "Why would you start something you couldn't finish? And with a man like him? He's so naïve on occasion that he's worse than Alistair."

"What do you want me to say, Wynne? That I'm sorry? That I was a fool? Yes, I'm sorry, and I was a fool for getting involved with him. But...I just... I couldn't stop myself." I snap the branch between my thumb and my forefinger before tossing the pieces into the flames. "I caught my mistake, though, and now whatever disaster would've come from it will be diverted."

She sighs sadly. "You are throwing away one of the few good things I've seen since joining the party."

"It's the best option," I say forcefully. I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince her, or myself. "Getting involved was a bad idea from the beginning."

"So following that logic, Alistair and Elissa should stop?"

"Yes! No...maybe? I don't know," I say, giving a frustrated groan. "Look, I'm doing the right thing. It's best for the both of us. Now I'm going to sleep while I can. Wake me up for my watch shift." I take my trap and head back to my tent, ducking beneath the flap and carelessly tossing the metal deathtrap to my pile of equipment. Something clatters off it; I don't bother to check. I'll deal with that in the morning.

Right now, I just want to sleep, and hope that Aedan can forgive me. It really is for the best. It doesn't matter how I feel, or how he feels, but that we're letting those feelings get in the way of stopping the Blight.

I lay down on my bedroll rather ungracefully. Then I begin tossing aside my boots and my cloak before rolling onto my side, pulling up the blanket, to face away from the entrance. I close my eyes, truly intending to sleep, but find myself unable to. There's a pain in my chest that I haven't felt since Marjolaine betrayed me. Like someone stuck a branding iron through my heart. It aches, makes me feel cold.

Curling up, I try to push it away and find the sleep I so desperately want.

All I find are reasons I shouldn't have done what I did. My eyes are still closed, but I scowl at myself anyway. I try reminding myself why ignoring that final advance was necessary. I try to convince myself that there's no way Aedan was telling the truth.

I fail. I fail so badly that it's shamefully pathetic. I know Aedan loves me. He didn't need to say it for me to know. Maybe...maybe I was just hoping that it was a simple, childish infatuation, one similar to what teenagers will feel on occasion. But the way he smiles, the easy laughs he lets out when he's with me...I recognize those. I was like that around Marjolaine sometimes.

Now I put all of that energy into spending time with the Warden outside.

At first, I was flirting with him for a reason. If I could make one of the three Wardens like me, I stood a better chance at staying. Lately, I've done it because I actually do like Aedan, and I really don't want him looking at Morrigan the same way he looks at me. Though I suppose I didn't need to try so hard after those first few months. It was obvious, his sudden appearance at my side every night, and my own desire to spend countless hours just talking to him. That act...those lies...they ended up being true. I really do love his smile, his laugh, the way his eyes light up when something works out. I really do like him.

And that's why I have to push him away. I can't open myself up again. Not after Marjolaine. No one is worth the trust and the compassion that needs to be put into a relationship for it to work. At least...no one I know.

No one but Aedan, and we can't afford that right now.

Falling asleep is nearly impossible. Ever since that night at Soldier's Peak, Aedan has slept beside me, and without him here, I feel distinctly cold, like someone took my blanket.

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. I don't give a damn about him. He's just another Fereldan, insignificant and unimportant. A waste of space, of breath. Zevran and Cyrus should've succeeded in killing the Wardens. Aedan doesn't matter.

Having to convince myself that I don't care about him...that's what tells me I've gotten in too deep. I do care, perhaps a bit too much. This isn't that simple crush I wanted it to be. This has turned into so much more, something I thought Marjolaine and I had, but was wrong about. How can I be so sure Aedan's not like her? He could be...he could just...

But then Elissa and her friendliness would be just as much of a lie, and how would Aedan be able to convince his twin to be what she's not? No, I'm over thinking it. Aedan is not like Marjolaine. Nothing about them is similar. Thinking back on everything, there are distinct differences between the ways they treat me. Aedan is polite, kind, helpful. The things you expect someone who loves you to be. Marjolaine...she was never any of that. Not unless it suited her. When I'm with Aedan, I feel like I matter. Not with her. He'll jump to my side in a fight. She wouldn't. He's killed people to protect me. He killed Marjolaine for me. She only ever killed people that were threatening the both of us.

I don't realize that I'm smiling at first, but when I do, I decide this really isn't stupid and childish. Not for him, not for me. This is real.

And now I'm scared. Scared of what it could mean, of what I just did to him, of what could come of it. I love him, but what if something happens? He's a Grey Warden; he could die at any second of any day.

Wait. I just...I said it. It's so simple. I do. I really do love Aedan.

The thought is terrifying and yet oddly liberating.

But now that I've successfully managed to mess up the first real relationship either of us have had, how am I supposed to fix it? Or would it be better if I just left it go, and hoped our feelings went away?

Probably the latter.

The first few days are awkward. Aedan and I barely say three words to each other, let alone look. He leads the party cross country, and I do what a follower is supposed to. Follow. I keep my mouth shut and eyes forward, taking orders and listening to them, but never saying a word. Wynne and Sten notice, but they don't comment on it, and our party is quiet and lonelier than ever. Not even Wolf barks or growls. Me and Aedan's recent wave of silence kills the group.

We're about halfway across Ferelden when Aedan finally decides to come talk to me. Not that he has much of a choice. Sten isn't much of a talker and Wynne can get a little too motherly even for my tastes. And I'm trying to get a bath in a river when Aedan strolls onto the riverbank.

"Maker!"

I quickly revert from taking my shirt off to pulling it on. "Do you mind? Haven't you ever heard of privacy?"

"I didn't know you were out here!"

"I specifically said I was coming to get a bath!" I retort.

"Yeah...w-well I-I...uh...er...you..."

I roll my eyes. "Yes, thank you Aedan. Now go away."

"B-but," he stammers. He blinks, does a double take, and adds, "Wait. I forgot. I don't matter." He shakes his head and turns away. "I don't even know why I thought..." Aedan looks over his shoulder at me. "I'm such an idiot. Maker, I don't know what I was thinking." He grumbles something to himself angrily. "Enjoy your bath. Make sure you're back at camp before the watch rounds start." He makes a frustrated motion in my direction before stalking off, back stiff and shoulders hunched.

Before I can stop myself, I call out to him. He doesn't stop walking. In a matter of seconds, he has managed to disappear within the brush again, and after a little while longer, I can't even hear his footfalls crunching on the brambles.

The idea of a bath isn't very appealing anymore. I just sit on the riverbank and draw my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms about them. How do I always manage to pull off a stupid stunt with everyone? The last one was making the mistake of ever trusting Marjolaine. Now I'm hurting Aedan and myself by trying to ignore my feelings. And it's obvious I'm failing. Not just to me, but to Wynne, too. Aedan is either completely oblivious or capable of playing a game just as cruel as the one I am.

I spend my allotted time away from the camp sitting here, moping, angry with myself and with Aedan. But when the moon passes the treetops, I get to my feet and start back to our small camp. A bath would've been a good idea, and it was, but I couldn't make myself move, nor did I want to. I wanted to sit there and feel sorry for myself.

When I walk close enough to see the fire, I spot a lone figure sitting beside it, back to me. It's not hard for me to recognize Aedan's back, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. He took the first watch, the shift I volunteered for the instant I heard him say he was too tired to stay awake. I figured I'd take the shift nobody wants and get myself alone for a little longer than the norm, but Aedan apparently had other plans, and now I'm stick with a partner I don't need.

I cross behind him and go to the opposite side of the fire to sit. Closer, I can see the bags under his eyes, and I'm overwhelmed with the urge to tell him to go to sleep, not because I want to be rid of him, but because I don't want him to be so tired. And then I silently berate myself for falling back to that, and tell myself that I believe the former option. I don't want Aedan out here; I want to be alone. I repeat those two statements at least a hundred times, but that doesn't make it anymore right than it truly is. That is the complete opposite of what I want. I'm so far done with this awkwardness and hateful glares, but they are my fault. I started this, so I resign myself to suffering through it.

Not once do I think Aedan really does hate me. He's not the kind of man to do that. His feelings are important to him, and they don't just magically disappear for anyone as a rule. It has barely been a week since he told me he loves me; a feeling that strong doesn't vanish that quickly. I should know. Once again, thanks to Marjolaine. I'm starting to expect things opposite of what she did. Attention, smiles, even just feeling important to that one person, and I found myself enjoying a simple kiss on the forehead from Aedan more than sleeping with my former teacher. Aedan has never once done something similar to Marjolaine except tell me he loves me.

I don't exactly understand what I'm afraid of anymore. He's different, and he doesn't just toss me aside like a plaything, not even after what I did to him. If I could tell Marjolaine I loved her, why can't I do the same for Aedan?

"How'd that bath work out for you?"

His voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look up from my hands, hoping to catch his gaze, but he's not looking at me. "After you left...I didn't really do much but sit on the ground."

"Sounds fun."

I just shrug a single shoulder. "Better than sitting around where Sten can glare at me." Aedan flicks his eyes up to mine for a brief second, smiling halfheartedly, and I return the gesture. "Speaking of baths..."

"Yes, I know I need one," Aedan says. "Wynne decided to tell me that as soon as I got back."

"You really do," I say, wrinkling my nose. "Maker, Aedan. I don't think I've ever smelled someone so rank in my entire life!"

"Now you're exaggerating."

"Not by much," I say.

"Thanks for telling me when I can't do anything about it," Aedan grumbles. He shuffles a little so he faces away from me no matter where he looks.

Sighing, I get to my feet and go sit beside him. "You can still talk to me."

He shakes his head vehemently. "No!" he exclaims. "No, I can't. It...it's too weird." He pauses. "And painful." The look on his face is so sad that it hurts me. And it should. It's my fault. "I won't send you away, Leliana, but I don't want to talk to you and be reminded of how stupid I was." I hesitate before reaching over and putting my hand on his. Aedan cringes, but doesn't pull away, so I take that as encouragement, and slide my fingers through his. "I don't know what you're doing, but cut it out. Don't play your stupid games."

I give a bitter laugh. "Oh, it's too late for that."

"I'm not in the mood-"

"I'm sorry," I blurt. The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, or think of how to adequately express just how sorry I really am, and I can't take it back.

"Sorry doesn't make me feel better," Aedan snaps. "You still used me."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," I snarl, suddenly just as irritated with him as he is with me. "I really am sorry, but you can't just tell someone you love them when the world is falling apart, and not expect them to panic."

"And why not?"

"Because it's not fair," I retort. I throw his hand back at him and get to my feet, crossing my arms as I walk to the edge of the firelight. "You shouldn't be risking your life for mine when I'm not as important. It's not fair to make me want to tell you that I-" My eyes widen and I cut myself off, but it's too late. Aedan isn't as stupid as he claims to be; he knows exactly what I was going to say.

He's on his feet and right behind me the same instant, saying, "Well, what if I don't think my life matters more than yours?"

"Then I'd say you're a lovesick puppy."

"Perhaps I like it that way," Aedan says. "Maybe I want to be."

"That's not a good idea-"

He grabs me by the shoulders and spins me around to face him. "You were saying about something not being fair?"

"It was nothing," I say. "Don't worry about it."

"No, continue, please. I want to hear this."

"It's not important, Aedan, really. I just-"

He cuts me off, pressing his lips to mine, and no matter how much I want to push him away, I can't. I really, really can't. The voice in the back of my head tells me not to get involved in this, that it'll only bring heartbreak, and despite how right it could turn out to be, I ignore it. I throw my arms around his neck and pull him close enough that there's not an inch of us not touching.

"I love you, Leli," Aedan whispers when he releases me.

And I smile. This could turn out to be the very thing that allows Loghain to smother the Wardens, but I couldn't care less right now. The warmth spreading through my body, the way my heart races as he says it, I know there's no point trying to tell myself otherwise. Why should I put him through that pain too?

"I love you too."