"Have you ever had decidedly unholy thoughts?"

Alistair does a double take before looking back at me. "You mean of drawing faces on paintings of important people, right? Like...a mustache on a Lay Sister or something?"

I snort out a laugh. "No, I mean about women."

My fellow Warden clears his throat awkwardly. "Er...are you sure you want me to answer that? I-I mean...your sister...she's the, uh...erm..."

My face blanches. "Oh. Right. Yeah. You can keep that to yourself now that you mention it. I'd rather not know what you want to do to my sister."

After a moment or two of awkward silence, Alistair speaks up cautiously. "Why do you ask? Do you ever have decidedly unholy thoughts, Aedan?" I bark a laugh again, much to Morrigan's annoyance. She glares at Alistair and I over Elissa's shoulder, making my sister turn and smile at the Warden beside me. Then she turns back to speaking with the witch.

"Do you honestly want to know the answer to that? You cringe every time Zev says something about sex."

Alistair gives an indignant snort. "I sealed the deal already. What have you done, talked to her? Where is the noble courage you're supposed to have? The ability to have women swooning at your feet? Last I checked, all you do is stutter and blush when you talk to Leliana."

"You didn't just say that about my sister."

Alistair opens his mouth to say something, and even though he blushes awkwardly after realizing how straightforward he just was, he says, "You don't scare me. You can't even tell Leliana you like her."

I punch his shoulder. "Yes, I have, and that's none of your business."

Alistair goes to say something, but Zev plops down on the other side of the fire, and we both silently agree to split. The Antivan can be heard laughing behind me as I decide it would be a perfect time to check up on the subject of me and Alistair's most recent bitching match. She's sitting in front of her tent with her usual blank expression, but when I sit beside her, instead of slapping on the fake smile, she just leans on me. Yesterday I'd finally gotten the guts to kiss her, and I've been stupid and smirking ever since, and although she admitted to liking me back, she hasn't been herself all day.

Leli hasn't really been herself since we were down by the Brecilian Forest.

When I go to voice my concerns, she wraps her arms around my one and sighs almost mournfully. "How did you deal with it?"

I blink confusedly. "W-with what?"

"Howe," she spits bitterly. "I walked in on him beating Elissa senseless. I found you broken and bloody in a cell. How didn't you see that in him?"

I hesitate before saying, "I was never close with Howe. Neither was Elissa. Our parents were too afraid he'd find out Elissa was a mage, and they didn't want me near him because I ran the risk of being one too."

"But you must have seen it!" she exclaims. "Nobody that...that...evil just hides it!"

I cringe at the sudden change in her demeanor. "Howe did, Leliana. If I'd known what he was, I wouldn't be sitting here, and Howe would've been dead years ago." If I had known Howe would turn around when our backs were to him and stab us, I would've killed him right then and there. He butchered half of my family, all of my friends. My nephew died at the age of eight because a man with soldiers as sick as himself decided it was time to claim what he thought was his.

So Oren died. Oriana died. Father died. Nan, Ser Blanchett, Jason... All dead.

"You make this worth it, you know," I say carefully. She's on edge already, due to Marjolaine, and what she saw Howe do, both in Denerim and Highever itself. I've barely made it clear that I like her; I'm dancing on a bed of hot coals, and if I say something even an inch in the wrong direction, I'm going to get burned.

Her eyes drift shut and she leans into my shoulder with a contented sigh. It would be a little strange that she was leaning on me like this if she had just started yesterday, but Leliana has leaned on me so many times since Lothering that I don't find it awkward at all. I find it normal, like it's part of a routine. What puts my heart in overdrive is when she squeezes my hand in hers. My heart does little flips of nervousness at the simple gesture, but I remind myself the affection is mutual, and that it's normal to hold her hand too.

"You said the same thing last night," Leli whispers. "More or less."

"Well...it's true."

"And silly," she says. "And dangerous, and terrifying, and different, and nauseating, and...and...and..." She groans in frustration and tilts her head to the side so I can't see her face. "I'm sorry. I'm making a mess of this."

I laugh once. "Good. We can make a mess of it together." She doesn't laugh back, but her grip on me tightens like she's anxious, and I regret my words instantly. "Leliana?" I forget sometimes that despite how knowledgeable she is, she is just as new to this as I am. She's a bard, or used to be, and has had lovers, but she has admitted to not knowing what caring for someone else was like, much less when that care was returned. Marjolaine was her only example, and I hate myself for forgetting what she just went through.

Thank the Maker we've already eaten. Leliana doesn't let go of me, or say another word, but clings to me the entire time. The rest of the night we don't have to spend on watch, she hugs my arm, and I start to think she has fallen asleep, but then she'll shift a little too much for a sleeping person, and settle back to clinging. Zev and Cyrus, especially Alistair, seem amused, but for some reason, I don't find myself fearing their teasing.

I'm afraid of Wynne's. The last week or so she has been pestering Elissa and Alistair, but she'll get bored and switch to Leli and I soon enough. Her teasing, while less...dirty, is far sneakier, and oddly, more laughable than Zev's or Cyrus'. Alistair and I will give playful jabs at camp when we're alone, but his jokes aren't dirty or mean.

Unfortunately, the mage has to pass us to go to her tent, and she gives me a knowing smile that makes my cheeks turn red. But she's retiring for the night, meaning the others will be doing the same, and I can't help but smile at the thought. I have the first half of the watch rounds while Cyrus has the other, and I can pester whomever I want to stay up with me. Or I can just stay up by myself for the next four hours.

Yesterday we were cold all night. The nearness to the Wending Wood had chills running up and down my spine, but we're well past it tonight, and the warmth of the coastline washes far enough inland that we're warm. Still, winter is approaching, and I don't like the thought of being in the Frostbacks when blizzards are threatening. Fereldan winters are as harsh as Marcher thunderstorms. Hopefully though, the snow will keep the darkspawn from advancing any further, and keep most of the Bannorn safe. Otherwise, we'll have to split up and send people to warn the banns.

Talith is the last to be up and about besides myself, and I need to talk to him. So I do my best to free myself from Leliana's grip and get up; she'll be fine for a few minutes.

I walk up to the former Knight-Captain and frown. He never goes anywhere without his sword and shield. The elf doesn't seem to care though, and asks, "What?"

Yeah, typical bland, emotionless Talith. "I just wanted to thank you."

His face remains blank. He rarely shows emotions around anyone, but I guess it was my decision to let him stay in the party. "For what?"

I shift awkwardly. "For being able to keep the party moving while I was out of it."

"I was given an order and I followed it," he says. "Why does that surprise you so, Warden?"

"Aedan," I correct him. "And it doesn't surprise me. It's just...I was too busy worrying about Leliana to take my sister's place while her and Alistair were gone."

"It is understandable," Talith says flatly.

My frown deepens. "How can you understand? I have yet to see you even crack a smile at anyone here."

He shrugs a shoulder. "I still feel. I just hide it. If I don't, people will exploit my emotions and I will learn my lesson one way or another."

My frown quickly changes to a smirk as I recall where he spends most of his evenings. "I suspect Morrigan has begun to exploit them, then?"

And the red-haired elf scowls. Actually scowls. I've successfully managed to annoy the stoic elf. He's usually so broody and blank that he reminds me of Sten. But I guess that would make sense, as the two rarely talk to anyone but each other. Sten has taken a liking to Wolf and Talith has taken one to Morrigan. I might have as well, had Leliana not shown up as early as she had. Morrigan is beautiful, yes, but it took her quite a while to warm up to me, whereas Leliana and I would spend the entire day talking as long as we weren't busy otherwise.

"Good night, Warden," Talith snaps coolly. The statement is regarded from his shoulder as he marches back to his tent. I haven't even put mine up, but I've spread out my bedroll, where my weapons lie ready to be taken and used. I find it far too hot in the Coastlands to sleep in the stuffy things. Which is somewhat ironic, as I can't ever get warm enough anywhere south of here even if I'm in my tent.

When I turn back to my designated spot to keep watch, I find Leli well and truly asleep on my bedroll, and I have to bite my tongue to refrain from laughing. She has watch with me first every night, or every other night, depending on Zevran's moods. Rarely does she fall asleep when we're on watch, but something I've come to expect, just not quite so early.

I retrieve my shield and my sword, strapping the former to my forearm and the latter to my belt, and set out into the treeline, pacing the camp from five feet out. I make a few rounds, stop here and there to investigate strange noises, and then return to the firelight. Deciding to let the bard invade my space, I sit on a log I dragged in earlier, and remove my shield, setting it by my leg. Boredom quickly sets in and the yawning starts, but I get up whenever my eyelids start to droop and pace around the camp a few times before sitting again. This is one of many reasons we keep two or more people on watch at all times. If you get bored while you're tired, there's a good chance you're going to fall asleep whether you want to or not.

One of those times I'm meandering around, I find myself looking up at the stars, and thinking of Leliana. It's rare for me to not find something to remind me of her. Even things that she has nothing to do with. Like this morning, when we had passed the last remnants of the forest, I could faintly hear the waves crashing on the cliffs to the east of Amaranthine, and thinking of that place had me thinking of Howe's death, and how we're heading to Highever to inform my mother and brother. And somehow, thoughts of Howe led to thoughts of the humming bard now in my company. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly happy that my mind had associated thoughts of him to thoughts of her, and I spent the better part of the morning brooding over that.

"Is there a particular reason you're letting me sleep?" Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look over to my bedroll. She's still lying on her side, seemingly having stayed completely still when most people would stretch after waking up. And the fact that she hasn't moved whatsoever makes me think I was just hearing things. I often find myself remembering her voice anyway. Maybe-

"I asked you a question, Aedan." I stumble over an apology, barely able to get out the word to make it an apology, and groan in frustration. She seems to find this amusing, giggling quietly, as she sits up to face me. "I'm glad to see it's not just me stuttering like a child."

I snap my jaw shut instantly and look away, crossing my arms, to regain my wits. "I am a grown man." My head snaps around to fix her with a challenging look, but she only laughs harder, falling over on her back. "Maybe I'll just let the darkspawn get you next time."

"Oh, how chivalrous of you," she teases. "Perhaps you are the one noble not taught correctly, then?"

"Hey, I told you yesterday we teach ourselves," I retort. "Chivalry isn't even in my vocabulary."

"Yes, so I've noticed."

"I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?" She sits up again, raising a red brow questioningly. But even from this distance, I can see the humorous glint in her eye, and I know she knows what I'm talking about.

"That thing where you make everything I say a joke," I reply. "The only other person I've seen do that is my sister, and I hate it when she does it too."

Leli smirks and shrugs as she gets up. She goes to sit on my log, right where I was returning to a moment ago, and broadens her grin. She's not stupid. She knows that's where I was sitting. "No. You find it endearing, or we wouldn't be talking anymore." My brows furrow again. "When Elissa does it, you walk away or change the subject. When I do it, you find it in your good graces to put up with it."

"J-just because I..." I scowl at her as I drop down onto the log rather stiffly. I don't see the point in arguing about my affections anymore; after all, I was the one that kissed her, right? I've made it clear I feel for her, so arguing about it like an embarrassed boy won't really get me anywhere. But I can't say I haven't had enough of being unable to form coherent sentences around her.

She drops the subject though, and finds something else to talk about rather quickly. Like how the merchant in Denerim had the audacity to try and talk her into buying several little bracelets instead of the one. And I get confused. When did she go to buy something in the market?

"Speaking of that," she says, slipping something off her wrist. "Before you and the other three were...taken, when we were in the tavern, I snuck out of my room to wander the city, a-and...I found that merchant hawking leather bracelets. Red and brown things I honestly thought were tasteless. I don't know why I stopped to look at them. But I found this one, and I thought you should have it. I just wasn't sure when I should give it to you."

Leliana hands me a leather cord with strings of red woven throughout, and I can understand why she didn't find them very interesting. She prefers flashy things, not dull browns and blacks. The red doesn't help the bracelet's case much.

At first, I don't know why this is so special. Don't get me wrong, I already like it just because it's from her, but the way she singled this one out, like something about it was important, confuses me. I turn it over in my hand to figure out why, and then I see the black piece of metal tied to the leather with the red string, and the laurel engraved in it. Not just any laurel, either. Highever's laurel. The same laurel on my shield, on the pommel of my sword. Elissa's laurel. My laurel.

My mouth curves into a smile. Leliana's already rambling on about something completely unrelated to the bracelet she just gave me, something about some plant I don't recognize. But I do recognize the tactic as one I've employed in the last forty-eight hours quite often. Anything to avoid the awkward strain last night put on our relationship.

"Leliana."

She stops talking about how four leaves are lucky to say, "What?"

"Thank you."

Her smile is hesitant. "So you like it?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm just honored that you'd think spending any amount of your money on me was worth it."

She laughs. "You've bought me things before. Why wouldn't I try to return the gesture?"

"Because everything I've bought you has been useful and necessary."

"No," she says, shaking her head. "You've bought me quite a few useless baubles from vendors we've stopped at. I still have them. Tucked away in my pack, where they're safe from the darkspawn and various bandits we come across."

It makes my stomach flip, knowing she kept the pointless things I've given her. All the stupid stuff I've found on this trek, and all the stupid stuff I've bought, but she kept it. And that makes me grin. I can feel the largness and goofiness of it; I don't need to hear her laugh to know I look ridiculous. I succeed at looking ridiculous without the awkwardness I go through around her.

Before I can stop myself, I lean down and press my lips to hers. Leli shifts so she can kiss me back almost instantly, pressing her body against mine. My heart is racing just from the brush of her hand over mine, but the thunder in my ears comes from the disbelief that I'm kissing her, and she's not trying to get away from me. Last night, I was far too relieved that she had the same feelings for me to pay much attention to any of the kisses we shared, no matter how heated they got. Now that I feel less...nervous, I can fully understand everyone's fascination with this simple touch. Her breaths come in time with my own, little gasps between breaks, and I can feel her body heat even through her clothes. I feel...closer to her.

She said it earlier. These feelings are dangerous and terrifying, but for some reason, I find the risk of getting attached worth it.

The kiss is over far too soon for my liking, but I'm not going to push. Besides, breathing does feel nice. And it's not like she moves away from me. In fact, she moves closer, hiding her face in my chest, right under my chin so that there's no possible way I can see her. I don't mind though. As long as she's hiding from me, she can't see my blush, and with the way she's leaning on me, I can wrap my arms around her shoulders.

I don't know how I never noticed before. These last few months have been such a blur to me, but she was giving signs, subtle and...not so subtle, that she wanted to be more than friends for a while. Me, being oblivious and not as bright as I could be, couldn't tell. I was holding her hand just a few weeks ago because she was terrified, and she even gave me a kiss on the cheek after I calmed her down. I could've acted on my affections for her before they turned into this, long before they turned into this, and she would've been fine with it.

Although, I'm not sure what exactly I'm feeling for her. It's a warm spot in my chest, one that ignites with each of her smiles and laughs, with every conversation we share, with the looks she'll shoot me some nights, and more recently, with our kisses. It turns into a possessiveness when I catch Zev looking at her the way he did after he got her drunk a few weeks ago, or when I catch anyone looking at her. I'll get defensive and overbearing, but she doesn't seem to mind. Sometimes she'll even thank me later, but reassure me that she can defend herself.

And that's when I realize I'm in love with her. The Orlesian bard we picked up on the whims of my sister's bad wording, and I love her.

I struggle with myself for a minute. The rush of warmth I feel at the realization tells me I'm right, but I don't know if I should tell her or not. Leli just watched me kill her former lover a week or so ago, and up until yesterday, our relationship was strained and awkward. I want to tell her. I want to like nothing else, but she's probably not ready for that. But then comes the question... When do I tell her? Should I even tell her in the first place? Does she even feel the same? I know she feels something, so at least the attraction is mutual, but what if it's just that? A simple attraction?

So I settle with holding her while I can, enjoying what little comfort other thoughts bring. I don't want to think about what I'd do if I told her I love her, and she said she didn't love me back.

"Aedan?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you," she says. I'm about to do the same thing Talith did and ask what I did to deserve that, but she must sense the question before it even leaves my mouth. "For being here for me. I...I know I told you I'd be here for you, but I didn't think you would do the same. It has been a while since I found someone who cared enough to let me ramble on to all hours of the night." Leli shifts to rest her forehead on my shoulder, sighing. "It means a lot to me, Aedan."

"Well...you listened to me talk about Howe. And you put up with my moodiness while we talked. You helped me deal with the loss of half my family."

Leli shrugs. "It's not that big of a deal."

"And why isn't it? I did everything in my power to keep you safe from Marjolaine and no matter how much you insist you could've done it on your own, we both know there's a good chance she would've killed you the moment you opened the door. You couldn't stop telling me how thankful you were after you recovered." She shrugs again. "You couldn't have been there to help me with Howe, but you were there afterwards to help me cope. It's just as important to me as Marjolaine was to you."

"I suppose so."

"It was. And I've never gotten around to thanking you for it. So...thank you."

Leliana ends the conversation there, sliding further into my arms while I finger the gift she gave me. It's a simple leather bracelet, something I never would have stopped to look at on my own, and yet it somehow means so much more than it would have if someone else gave it to me. Just because she bought it when she was still sulking over Marjolaine, because I'm important enough to her to be on her mind while she's upset, makes it the best gift I've ever been given.

She's watching me play with it when I decide to slide it over my left wrist. There it'll be safe from harm. Right behind my shield. I won't lose it. I never plan on taking it off to lose it anyway. It carries so much meaning and so little all at once. It was a trivial expression of her feelings to her, but I think it has more meaning than any of the kisses we could ever share.

Forgive me for being sappy.

"I am glad you like it," Leli says.

I smile at her. "I like it because it's from you."

She snorts. "That's silly."

"But it's true."

Leli looks up at me, brows drawn together. "Really?" I nod slowly, confused as to why she can't understand how much she means to me, when she kisses me again. I kiss her back, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer, but something about this one...it feels different. Dare I say it's almost loving? Could I even be that lucky?

She's pushing at me, trying to drive me further to get something, and my brain sees no problem with pushing back. I kiss her just as roughly as she's kissing me, enjoying the way she grasps at my hair and my shirt, when she moans softly. My heart practically stops. That noise is so nerve-wracking and wonderful at the same time that it sends shivers down my spine. It makes me want to smother her entirely, to consume her.

Then she breaks off and looks away. "Aedan...I..." Leli hesitates, but shakes her head. "Never mind. It's not important."

And that tells me it is.