I'm finishing up a report when I hear a hiss from across my desk. A quick glance up tells me it's Cole, but I return to signing my name.

"He's worried."

I'm not doing this today.

"You're scared."

No. I refuse. Go away.

"I can help."

You've tried and nothing works!

"He feels stronger when you're with him," Cole says. "Feels like iron, strong and unbreakable. Without you, he feels like the boy he was before you met." I sigh, running a hand down my face, and shake my head.

"Cole, I'm busy," I say. "Can you bother me another time?"

He cocks his head to the side, confused. "But you're curious. You want to hear. Why would I go now?"

"I...well, yes, I want to hear what you have to say, but I'm busy and need to finish with my work before I can go to bed."

"You never sleep," he says. "It frightens him. He worries, hates that he's weak without you. You keep the nightmares away." I pause in my writing for only a second, but move on to the next report almost instantly. "He wants to see you more." Another sigh. Wait...did I just sign that without reading it? Ugh. "He doesn't like the way you've changed."

"I'm still me, Cole."

"No," the boy says. His voice sounds far off, like it belongs to someone else. "You are more, and you are less. You are Sister Nightingale, but not Leliana. You're a whisper in the dark, but not the light in the shadow. A source of pain instead of healing." I freeze entirely, fist clenching. "You're not the Leliana he knew. You've changed." I look up at him, swinging his legs off the support for my desk. "I see you through him. You were his light. You kept him going when the darkness threatened to crush him."

"Cole—"

"He's scared for you," he interrupts. "He remembers a young woman smiling and laughing. He sees a bard cloaked in shadows. You scare him." My mouth opens, but I can't say anything. Does Aedan really look at me like that? Have I really fallen so far that I've lost myself in my shell? "But he scares you too. You remember a Warden with wit. You see a man who has lost his softness. I can help. I can make you forget."

"Forget what?"

"Forget the pain."

"That pain is a part of life," I retort. "It's what love is. It's learning to love someone even with their flaws, seeing past the change."

I think I see him blink. "You can still be his light. He's scared now. He worries about you. He doesn't sleep either."

"I'm busy."

"He wonders when your work became more important," Cole says. "But you wonder why he'd place the Wardens above you."

"Leave."

"He doesn't understand how much he means to you. He can't see how it hurt, how the void couldn't be filled even with the distraction. He wants to understand why you shut him out, but you're afraid to. What if he leaves again? What if he laughs? You can't see how you hurt him. What if she doesn't love me anymore?"

"Cole! That's enough!" It hurts. It hurts to hear this from him. I've never been against Cole, or him being here to help the Inquisition, but I've never liked how he seems to flock to me at every turn and lay my insecurities out for judgement.

"I'm trying to help."

"You're making it worse."

"How can I help?"

"You can let us work this out on our own," I whisper. I've been staring at this report for the last five minutes. It's still got my signature, but I haven't read it. Well, not exactly. Something from Charter about the goings-on in Crestwood and Caer Bronach. That's all I've gotten out of it so far.

I look up again when he doesn't reply only to find he's gone somewhere else, gone to sit on the railing separating us from the gap in the rotunda. "He was nothing to you at first. Nothing but a means to an end. But then he made you smile. He made you laugh. You felt real again. He was your friend and you loved him. A reason to keep living. Your light in the dark. But what if he's like her? What if he betrays me too? I'm scared. I shouldn't give my heart away so carelessly."

Another sigh.

"The woman that hurt you... You loved her but you knew what she was."

"No, I didn't," I whisper.

"You did," Cole insists. "You wanted to see her as a light, but she was the one who brought you the dark. She's the one that made you hurt. She was like this. She is you."

No. Don't say it. No, please, don't. It's not true. It can't be.

"You are her," he says, voice full of that curiosity that nothing can tarnish. "It's what you've been afraid of. It makes you run. It makes you hide. It makes you lie. It makes you the shadow behind the Inquisition. It makes you feel strong, but dark. You hide from it and use it as a shield."

I want to drop my face off my desk.

"But he makes you feel like yourself again. He's what keeps you you. He makes you remember what it was like to be Leliana. He helps."

"Y-yes. He helps," I agree. There's nothing else I can do, is there? Cole is right. He's always right.

"You help him. You made him see reason. You made him whole again. He forgot what it was like to breathe. He remembered because of you. You make him feel strong again. You make him smile. You're his reason to smile."

I suppose that's comforting.

Cole tilts his head to the side again and stops kicking his legs. "I don't understand."

I swallow. My throat has gone tight and my mouth is dry. "What don't you understand?" I think I hear my voice crack.

"I don't understand what he's thinking about." Now it's my turn to frown and be confused. Cole usually understands everything. He knows why we do things before we even know ourselves.

"What's he thinking about?" I ask softly. I feel small, like less of a person. Am I really that horrible? Am I really the monster Josie tries to make me see, tries to fix? The last time she tried to make me feel better...all I did was humor her.

"Your warmth pressed into his side," he says. "He misses being able to touch you. He misses the scent of your hair. He misses your laugh, your smile, the way your eyes light up when you sing. He wants you back, but is afraid to tell you what he sees when he looks at you. I don't understand."

I don't say anything. All I do is stare at his back, finding it difficult to breathe, and wonder what has become of me, and what has become of Aedan. I wonder why he came back, why he stays even now if he's so afraid of me, and why I'm afraid of him leaving. I wonder why it still hurts so much to think of the day he left, and why I didn't try harder to convince him to stay. I wonder about what life would've been like without losing him for so long, and I wonder about where I'd be if he had remained. Would I still be the Inquisition's Spymaster? Would I be in some Grey Warden fortress, worrying over how best to avoid Corypheus and the fake Calling he can create? Would I even still be alive?

"You're in pain. I can help."

"No, Cole. This...this is something I must weather on my own."

"But it makes your chest hurt. It makes it hard to breathe. It makes you scared for tomorrow and wonder why you still try breathing when it seems so pointless. It makes you want to run to him and fix everything with a few words, but makes you want to run away and let him think you dead."

"Such is the way of things," I say, looking down at my reports.

"Is this love?" Cole asks. I look back up, and now he's sitting on the edge of my desk again. "How can it be love if all it does is cause pain?"

I shake my head. "I don't know."

"Why strive for something that makes you ache? Why fight for it if it hurts?"

I find myself smiling. It's a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. "We fight for it because of the good moments. We fight for the feeling of importance, for the idea that we matter, that we mean everything to someone. It's just the way people are. We want to feel important, and even the pain it brings is worth the warmth of the feeling it gives. We want someone to fight for us. We want someone to care; we cling to that care and nurture it until there's nothing left but love. And when we lose it..." I trail off and look away. "When we lose it...we break."

"You're broken," he says. "He's broken. So many are broken and so few are whole."

"Love makes us feel whole."

"Then why are you broken?"

"Because there are some wounds that never heal."

"Her."

I nod solemnly. "That wound will never go away."

"It makes you scared of him and reminds you of the pain you suffered. You want to hate him for it, but you can't. You only love him more. It makes you remember you're strong. Makes you strong."

"Cole, I really need to—"

"You make him strong," he repeats. How many times has he said that already? Three? "You made him remember what it was like to live. You gave him a reason to live when there was nothing but shadow. He loves you more than he loves anything, and it makes him feel brave. You make him feel like a better man." Cole pauses, but starts swinging his legs again. "To him, you're his reason for life. He fights for you."

I can't deny that sentiment makes me feel warm all over. It reminds me of Aedan's sappiness during the Blight, how he'd say things so sweet that I'd blush without even intending to.

"I'm not doing this today. I have better things to do."

I expect him to say something, but when I look for him, he's gone, and I can let out a sigh of relief.

The next morning, I'm returning to the rookery from a brief visit to Josie. Nobles are already engulfing the main hall with their meaningless chatter, drowning out pretty much everything that might come in from the open doors. People pass to and fro effortlessly, but the noise makes my head ache. The swarm is blocking the door leading towards Vivienne's balcony, so I'm forced to go through Solas' old rotunda and up the stairs there.

"Cap's looking for you," Varric says.

I stop and frown. "Really? He knows..." I shake my head. "Never mind. Did he say why?"

Varric shakes his head. "He's just looking for you."

"Do you know where he went?"

"Outside, I think."

My frown deepens, but I nod. "Thank you, Varric."

Changing direction, I turn and head for the wide doors, bracing myself against the cold breeze. It feels good on my face; it can get stuffy in there with so many people and so many fires. And when I inhale, the cool air feels even better in my lungs. It's sunny, thankfully, but chilly enough for some to be in their cloaks. I never feel much of a need for mine. My hood does everything I've ever needed my cloak for, keeping my ears warm.

As soon as I readjust to being outside, a new sound comes from both courtyards. It sounds eerily like arguing in the lower and a lot like running guards from the upper. I cross the small balcony and look down at the crowd, brows furrowing. What in the—

Blue and silver uniforms, then the black and silver, and green and orange. Chevaliers, Agents, Inquisition troops. It looks like the first two got into some sort of argument and the latter is attempting to break it up, but both sides are pushing back the Inquisition forces. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened, but Arin wouldn't listen to me when I told him it was a bad idea letting either group anywhere near each other.

Just as I start to go down and do what I can to settle this, there's a sharp cry of pain loud enough that the people in the main hall can hear it. I don't think Skyhold has ever been so quiet, but all sound literally ceases to exist. I freeze, eyes widening, as I see the Inquisition soldier fall to the ground in a spurt of red. He was near the outside, apparently trying to pull apart an Agent and a Chevalier, and when it came to blows, he got caught in the middle. Both swords are bloodied, but while the Agent is trying to come to terms with what she just did, the Chevalier takes his advantage and shoves his sword through her abdomen.

Then all hell breaks loose, and there's a free for all in the courtyard.

"Red!"

I'm halfway down the final set of stairs when a deep voice calls out in my direction. It's the Iron Bull, naturally, standing outside with Krem right behind him. I look for Cassandra, but she's nowhere near the training dummies she usually spends her time at. Either she's off with Arin, or she's already down there. Honestly, I'm hoping it's the former.

"What's going on?"

"Fighting in the courtyard," I explain shortly. He and Krem have now met me halfway towards the stairs, but I stop him. "Find the Inquisitor and Cassandra. Send as many guards down as you can before this escalates into something worse."

He nods. "Stay with the lady, Krem."

I start to say something about how I don't need any help, but Bull is already gone, leaving me with the Vint. He gives me a cross look, saying, "You armed?"

"I don't think a dagger is going to be much help," I reply.

He actually looks excited at the thought. "After you, Spymaster."

I want to roll my eyes, but the shouting intensifies, and I swear I hear Aedan's voice. Wasn't he supposed to be with Cameron though? Why is he out here? Did he...?

"I need you to do something for me."

Krem raises a brow. "Chief left me to your orders."

I feel...off for asking this of him. Cameron is my child, but... "Can you go check on Cameron? I thought I heard Aedan and..." I make a helpless motion with my hands and he smirks before nodding. "Thank you."

"Of course. Now go fix your mess."

I return his nod and we break off, him running back towards the main hall while I start down the second set of stairs. By now, the ramparts around Cullen's office have exploded with activity; guards are running for the courtyard as well, presumably following orders he'd given them. I suspect he'll be outside within the next few minutes, but for now, this is my issue to resolve. Alone. Great. And there's at least twenty people in the brawl already.

What am I even supposed to do?

Probably start at square one. There's a pair fighting nearby, and them I can reach without risking getting myself killed. The Agent is the closest, but his back is to me. It won't be hard to put him out and talk down the Chevalier.

"Break it up!" That seems to be a common phrase coming from Inquisition soldiers, but few even remotely attempt to listen to them.

After running up behind one of Elissa's men, I wrap my arm around his neck and knock his sword from his hand, pulling him to the side and out of the way of his opponent's blade. The Chevalier looks almost scandalized that I'd intervene, but I fix him with such a dark look that he doesn't do anything but glare.

"Stop this madness right now," I snap. "Both of you. As long as you're in Skyhold, you're allies. Got it?" The Chevalier is the first to nod, albeit reluctantly, but as soon as he does, the Agent I'm trapping does the same. "Good. Now either sit down and wait for the Commander to come and straighten you out, or help me keep your men from dying. It's your choice." I release the man and take a step back, watching him carefully as he whips around to face me. The Chevalier is already gone, shouting in Orlesian for the rest of them to stop fighting, but this man...he is not happy.

"What gives you the right to order me around?"

"The same reason Aedan can."

He blinks, staring at me like I've grown a second head, and laughs. Actually laughs. He shakes his head too, stooping to pick up his sword. "You're not one of us. You don't know what we've gone through, or what these Orlesian bastards have done to us. If you did..." He levels his sword at my chest. "You'd understand."

I put my hands up. "Don't do something stupid."

"It would be rather simple to pin your death on one of the Chevaliers," he says. "That would get the Commander moving. She would be proud of us for killing every last one of these idiots."

Oh, that's nice. That's really good to hear. I can only imagine what Elissa or Arin will do once they get their hands on this one.

He lunges, but I sidestep at the last possible second. I drive my foot into the back of his knee, pivot beneath his swing, and lock my arm around his neck again. He drops his sword to try and pry my arm off, but I hold fast until he starts calming down. It doesn't take much longer for him to fall unconscious, and when he does, I release my hold on him. He crumples into a heap at my feet and I move on to the next pair. This time, it's the Chevalier that tries to take my head off, but the Agent stops him with a swift punch across the jaw.

"Ma'am," he says, nodding once. Good to know not all of them hate me.

"Help me break it up."

He nods again and runs off, stepping between two swords to shove them apart. By now, the guards are managing to stop most of the fighting, but a few determined souls on both sides are doing what they can to keep it going. I, however, stand here and look around wildly for Aedan. I swear I heard him at one point, but ever since I got down here, I haven't seen or heard from him again.

"For the Empress!"

It's not hard to figure out who started this fight after hearing that particular comment.

Then I see him. He's across the courtyard, by the gates, trying to separate a larger bunch of Chevaliers and Agents with the help of a few guards. I start towards them, but quickly find myself cut off by two of the Orlesian troops. They're both wearing full armor, heads protected by their helmets and covered in the blue and silver armor they're issued.

I'm not sure what happens next. For a moment, I'm defending myself from two swords at once, weaving between both Chevaliers like it's something I'm used to doing, and the next, I'm on the ground. There's a sharp pain in my stomach, and faintly, I'm aware I've been stabbed. So...so faintly. It hasn't exactly registered yet, but when I look, there's blood. On my glove, on my armor, on the ground, and on the sword of the Chevalier standing over me.

"Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster." I reach for my dagger, but he kicks my hand aside. "Vous allez mourir."

He raises his sword, but almost instantly, another comes through his chest.

"Cassandra!" Arin?

The Chevalier is shoved to the side and my would-be savior is forced into killing yet another of the Chevaliers.

"Let me help you up." Arin's standing over me, hand offered, and I grab it. He drags me to my feet, holding me upright by my shoulders. "Do you know what happened?" I shake my head numbly and blink. His voice sounds far away, like it's not his, and then I see Cole, drifting between bodies lying on the ground. He speaks to a few of them, kills one of the Agents, and then comes to join Arin and myself.

"You're in pain."

Not this again.

I blink, and he's gone. Instead of seeing him, I see Arin, and he's shaking me madly. "Leliana!"

I shove him off. "Let go of me."

"What was I supposed to do? You were giving me the death stare."

"The...what?"

"I thought you were dead!"

"I told you she was fine." A new voice, one crouching on the ground. "Mild shock is all, Inquisitor." Dorian. "You'll be fine in a couple of hours. I healed the wound on your side."

I just nod, trying to remember what happened. I was trying to find someone... Aedan! Without thinking, I grab Arin by the shoulders and jerk him once. "Where is he?"

He frowns. "He who?"

"Aedan! Where's Aedan?"

"Oh, him," he says, nodding in the general direction behind me. "He's back that way. Got nicked by one of the Chevaliers, but he's in better condition than you were a minute ago."

I let him go, but I don't move. Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster. Vous allez mourir.

Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster.

"This means war."

Arin snaps his fingers in front of my face. "What are you going on about?"

"The...the Chevalier that ran me through. He said, 'Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster.'"

"Okay, well...I don't speak Orlesian," Arin says. "You're going to have to tell me what that means."

"He was challenging her," Dorian interrupts. "Or taunting. Either way, a rough translation would be 'this means war.'" He shifts his gaze to me. "Might want to tell your friends about that."

"I didn't know you spoke Orlesian."

He shrugs. "I've picked it up reading. It's not that hard of a language."

I shake my head, ignoring both of them. "But...the Agents are already at war with Orlais. This isn't anything new. Celene and Elissa only agreed to a standstill while Corypheus was alive."

"And now he's not, so..."

"None of this makes any sense," I say. "They've been in Skyhold together for months and nothing like this has happened."

"Maybe Celene got over it?"

I'm about to disagree when Bull joins us. "Hey boss." Arin nods in greeting, and the Qunari giant looks to me. "Where's Krem?"

"Krem..." My eyes go wide. "Oh no."

I don't think I've ever run so fast in my entire life. Someone calls out to me, Aedan maybe? Or Arin. One of the two. Their voices are eerily similar. Even I have a hard time distinguishing between them.

When I make it past Vivienne's balcony to the sleeping quarters, I hit the door with my shoulder and try turning the handle. It doesn't budge. I do everything I can possibly think of to get past the door, but nothing works. It doesn't do much more than shake on its hinges.

"He's looking for you."

Cole.

"He doesn't recognize the man. He's crying." No no no no no no no no no! "He doesn't understand why they're hurting each other. He wants it to stop." I shouldn't have left him alone! "Krem is hurt."

I start panicking. "Cameron!"

"Warm. Safe."

I back up a bit and kick the aged handle. It gives, but not much. Another kick and I should have it. I hope. As my foot connects with the iron again, the handle snaps off and clatters to the floor. The door swings in from the force of my kick, and I waste no time in sprinting down the hallway. I think someone follows, but it's probably only Cole. There's a turn up ahead, a fork that I need to go to the right on, and I nearly slide into the opposite wall trying to catch myself.

The door's open. The hallway is too quiet.

"He's nearby," Cole whispers. "You feel warm and cold."

"Quiet," I hiss.

"Close," Cole insists. "Scared. Can't get caught or they'll kill me. Can't run or she'll kill me too. Trapped." I take a step, keeping my back pressed to the wall nearest the open door. "Tense. I'll be a hero if I pull this off." I reach for the nearest handle, but Cole's hand stops me. "No. Further."

I hesitate, but trust his judgement. "How far?"

"Not hidden well enough. Will they see me?" I frown back at him and see Arin, along with Bull and Dorian, running towards us. I make some sort of motion that gets through to them—quiet. "What was that? Do they know?"

"Tell me when I get it right."

My hand drifts to the next doorknob, but Cole says nothing, so I keep going. We pass two more doors when we come upon the one that's wide open.

"Now's my only chance. Window?"

I don't hesitate to leap into the room. It's a mess, there's blood, and now that there's noise again, Cameron starts wailing. It makes my heart ache, but it also infuriates me beyond belief. Usually his crying is exhausting, but I'd rather have it here than gone. No one is taking my son.

I'm across the room in only a few strides, grabbing the man standing in the window, and yanking him back into the room. He swings his fist at my jaw, but I lean back to avoid the blow. My elbow connects with his throat and I shove him into the wall, taking particular care not to slam him against it with everything I have. But I don't let up the force I push into his neck, watching his eyes as they bore back into mine. I narrow my eyes at him as his eyelids flutter, and I'm just about to finish him off when a hand grabs my shoulder.

"Leliana, stop!" Aedan jerks me off the man and gives me such an intense look that I snap myself out of whatever fury had possessed me. He holds my gaze for several long moments, and then sighs. "Cameron's safe. All right? You got here in time."

I blink, frown, and check the man who is now coughing with a pair of guards holding him upright. "Where is he?"

"Cole's with him out in the hallway." I take a step, but Aedan catches my arm. "Are you sure you're all right, Leli? You... That was frightening. Cole couldn't even find words to express..." He trails off and looks away, swallowing nervously. "Well, I can't say I wasn't upset either."

"I'm fine."

His brows knit together and he studies my face. "No, no you're not." I squint at him for quite some time before he risks pulling me into his arms. I'm not sure how long we stand here, or when I wrap my arms around him, let alone when I start crying, but Aedan doesn't let go of me at any point. He just hugs me, allowing me to calm down on my own time. I listen to the beat of his heart, focusing on the way it slows as he calms himself. It races for much longer than my own, but for some reason, I feel like he needs comforted too, and I wait for him to let go of me before I do the same with him.

"He likes your hair," Cole comments from the doorway. He's holding a bundle in his arms, one hand suspended over Cameron's face so the toddler can play with his fingers. "He hasn't seen it all day."

I don't know why...but I let out a laugh of disbelief, shaking my head. "Here. Let me see him."

Cole crosses the destroyed room and hands me the bundle of blankets. The little pair of blue eyes lights up when they meet my own, and he giggles. "Safe. He likes red." I find myself smiling without meaning to, and when I look up, intending to thank the spirit, he's gone.

Aedan wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder, smirking at me with a raised brow. "You know...Cole has been hovering over Cameron the last few days. I wonder why that is."

I shake my head again, never taking my eyes off Cameron's. He's falling asleep already, a trait he got from Aedan, and watching his eyelids flutter is far more adorable than it has any right to be. "I've no idea why."

"Perhaps because he's concerned that we hate each other?"

My smile fades for a moment, but it comes back when the boy yawns. "I don't hate you, Aedan."

"I don't hate you either," he replies, "but I'm worried about you."

"You shouldn't be," I say softly. "Time changes everyone, and while you were gone, I just...I had to protect myself somehow. Instead of... I thought it safer to develop a wall. And I haven't quite gotten used to not needing it anymore."

"So you'll be all right?"

"In time."

He kisses my cheek. "I'm glad to hear it."