Chapter 2

Crane woke to a loud scream echoing through his house, loud enough that he bolted into a sitting position. From the other bedroom there was the soft sound of muffled sobbing. Crane was slightly confused, until he remembered that Nygma was spending the night.

The door burst open, Joker, half-dressed and wide-eyed, was standing in the doorway with a look of total bewilderment on his face.

"Who just screamed?" he asked, "I swear I didn't do anything!"

"I know," Crane rolled out of bed, "go back to sleep Joker."

"Who's in your guest room?" Joker asked, "No one sleeps in there."

"Nygma."

"You're letting him stay in your house?"

"Look if he wasn't a total wimp I wouldn't be."

"Don't call him that," Joker commented, "I mean I'm an asshole, but there are some things you just don't call people."

"Clarify," Crane hummed, fumbling around for his glasses.

"Imagine someone calling you a twig."

Crane whirled around.

"I'd kill them."

"Yeah but Edward's not like you," Joker leaned on the doorframe, "you don't take shit from anyone; you killed your abuser for the shit she put you through. That's not Nygma. He ran from his troubles, in a lot of ways, I think he's still running."

"When did you learn empathy?"

"I didn't I just get how all of you think."

"I'm terrified by that notion."

"Great," Joker stepped aside, "talk to him."

"Or what?"

"Or I tear your ears off and make earrings out of them."

Crane shoved past Joker and put his glasses on before opening the door to the guest room. Nygma immediately looked up and began rubbing his eyes dry.

"What?" he asked in a shaking voice.

"The fact that Joker had to explain why you had such an issue with the way I've been talking is a serious issue," Crane walked in and sat down on the bed, "What happened?"

"You can't help with this," Nygma shook his head.

"I'm a trained psychiatrist so I'll try my luck," Crane shrugged, "plus I also dealt with abuse as a kid."

"What?" Nygma frowned, "But you, you don't let anyone push you around! Joker has to threaten you to get you to do anything."

"Yeah," Crane nodded, "I killed my abuser when I was like, eighteen," Nygma buried his face in his knees, "but that doesn't mean I've never known what it means to fear them, and it doesn't mean I don't still respond to people insulting me like they did."

"What do you care?" Nygma growled.

"I don't, if you want me to be totally honest," Crane admitted, "but that doesn't mean I enjoy hearing someone wake up screaming and-do you like cats?"

"What? Nygma lifted his head.

"Do you like cats?" Crane repeated.

"Um, yes?" Nygma nodded slowly.

"Okay hold on," Crane stood and walked out of the room, returning after a few seconds with a small ball of light brown fluff, "this is Dullahan."

"Dullahan," Nygma repeated as the kitten was dumped on the bed and immediately began climbing Nygma's legs, "you named a tiny kitten after a powerful Irish faerie."

"Yep," Crane nodded, sitting back down, "he's the devil, that's why."

"And how is a demonic cat supposed to cheer me up?"

"I couldn't find the fat one, and this one was knocking plates off the table."

Dullahan took this opportunity to let out a small, feeble, and ineffectual meow, which really sounded like a very quiet screech. Nygma stared at the cat for a few minutes before breaking into hysterics.

"See I knew I could get you to laugh," Crane smirked.

"What kind of noise is that?" Nygma gasped.

"I dunno but he makes it a lot," Crane shrugged, "maybe smaller things have higher pitched voices or something."

"Is that a fact?" Nygma raised an eyebrow, a devilish grin on his face.

"Um," Crane shifted slightly, "I mean I don't know really I never was much good with how sound wor-"

Crane was cut off as Nygma reached forward and jabbed Crane's side. Crane let out a loud shriek and contracted.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"I was testing your hypothesis."

"By tasing me?"

"How else do I make you scream? You literally don't fear anything."

"I can think of a few things," Joker yelled from the other room.

"I'd rather eat an adder thanks!" Crane retorted loudly.

"Sure you would."

"Go to hell clown!"

"I mean my reputation's already there, what've I got to lose?"

"I probably shouldn't ask but why is Joker in your house?" Nygma asked, staring at the door.

"He's probably having a fight with Harley," Crane shrugged, "he's completely incapable of functioning as an adult so he usually just singles me out because I won't try to kill him for breaking in."

"That is not true!" Joker yelled, "I don't need that bitch!"

"You need her and you know it you half-baked circus attraction!" Crane shouted, "You can't even cook!"

"Well neither can I," Nygma noted.

"Can you please not interrupt?" Crane requested, "I'm winning this argument; payback for being a little shit."

"What did I do?"

"You know what you did!"

"You are loud."

"Joker I swear to god I will throw you out the fucking window."

"I'm shutting up now."

There was a long stretch of silence before Nygma spoke up.

"So how does Joker know that?" he asked.

"Actually that's a very interesting story," Joker began, opening the door.

"Oh my god can you not tell him that story!" Crane stood up and began shoving Joker out the door.

"But he wants to know!" Joker protested.

"He doesn't need to know that story!" Crane yelled.

"But he wants to!" Joker yelled.

"Out!" Crane slammed the door shut.

"Great friend you've got there," Nygma commented.

"I don't have friends," Crane retorted, "I have acquaintances and annoyances."

"Which one am I?" Nygma asked.

"You kidnapped me then threw a tantrum when I outsmarted you," Crane turned and leaned on the door, "also you're crashing at my place after whining for several minutes, woke the entire apartment at," Crane checked the nearest clock, "two in the morning, I was actually sleeping for once in my life, take a wild guess."

"Actually sleeping?" Nygma snorted, "You don't strike me as an insomniac."

"You don't strike me as the type to kidnap murderers but that happened," Crane reasoned.

"Do you just speak in snark?"

"Yep, it's easier than being open about my emotions."

"Oh okay that explains a lot."

Crane frowned and narrowed his eyes.

"When did this turn into you analyzing my personality?"

"When I got curious," Nygma smiled, "you're interesting, what can I say? A genius with a bad attitude and an obsession with human fear. It's an interesting person to watch," Nymga lifted Dullahan, "it's as if this cat were a human."

"When can I hit you?" Crane asked.

Dullahan mewled and wriggled in Nygma's grip.

"Put him down," Crane sighed, "he hates being picked up."

Nygma lowered Dullahan slowly, glaring at Crane as he did.

"For someone who considers me an annoyance, you're oddly polite."

"I'm not polite I just don't need to be bandaging you after that cat mauls you. You'd be surprised how sharp his claws are."

"Oh look, another similarity with his owner, it must be fate!"

"I'm going to hit you."

Nygma sighed and watched Dullahan viciously attack his foot as if it were some evil being that needed to be destroyed.

"Am I really that annoying?" he asked after a long stretch of silence.

"I mean," Crane shrugged, "I've known more annoying people, but yes, you're pretty annoying. Why? It's not like that's an issue."

"It's a bit of an issue," Nygma raised his voice, "I don't want to be annoying, that's not what I want to be known for. I'm fine with irritating victims but I would rather be known for my intelligence than how annoying I am."

"Then maybe riddles weren't your best choice."

"I can't help it!"

Crane paused and narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"I can't help but use riddles," Nygma explained slowly, "it's the only thing I can remember liking about my childhood."

"At least you have happy memories," Crane sat back down on the bed, "however small they might be."

"You're an oddball," Nygma smiled slightly.

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black," Crane smirked, "go back to sleep, and beat it in the morning."

So before you ask, no this is not based on New52 because I utterly despise that shit, and yes, Joker may or may not be 110% totally ooc in most of his appearances and unfortunately he shows up a lot. The way I'm trying to play it is closer to an actual psychopath, like as if the giggling madman usually seen causing chaos is a facet of Joker's personality that he restrains when he's not in public. There's always going to be the edge and in later chapters I'm giving him a bit of a more charming attitude and definitely a tendency towards boredom and...lapses in common sense, we'll call them (a polite way of saying he can be really fucking stupid sometimes).

And I know I said I'd update weekly but evidently, that did not happen. I may have gotten distracted actually writing the damn thing because I'm eight chapters into this.

See y'all next chapter, if you're itching for a RWBY fix, my Rosewick trash sister has a bunch of stuff posted including a new story, and there are two Magi fics I also suggest you look at, and of course, follow, favorite, leave a review, question my choice to make Crane okay with Joker sleeping on his couch, continue to ask how Joker knows that implication...I'm not answering them, by the way.

Kay bye,

The Jashinist (is an Asshole)