Lyon (Shock and Disbelief)

When Natsu walked into Lamia Scale's guild hall, Lyon immediately knew why he was there.

Taking a shuddering breath to steel himself, Lyon stood and picked his way across the hall, towards the pink-haired dragon slayer. He was vaguely aware that Sherry and some of the others were giving him sad looks and whispering words of comfort as he walked past, but he didn't acknowledge them. He couldn't. Not yet.

His movement caught the attention of the dragon slayer hovering uncertainly in the doorway, and Natsu turned to watch him approach with an unreadable expression.

"I see that you've already heard," Natsu remarked quietly as Lyon stopped in front of him.

They stared at each other in silence for a moment before the ice mage grabbed Natsu's arm and dragged him back out of the hall. The dragon slayer followed without protest as Lyon led him a little ways from the building. Lyon wasn't sure what the coming conversation with Natsu would entail, so it would be better to have it away from prying eyes. No need to worry his guildmates any further.

"Yes," Lyon said finally, stopping in his tracks and releasing the dragon slayer's arm. He turned back to face Natsu. "A messenger told us the news a few hours after…after everything happened."

There was a slight tightening of Natsu's lips, but there was no other indication of his emotional state. Lyon knew that Gray and Natsu had been very close, and he wondered how the dragon slayer was so calm and steady. How did he do that? Lyon had felt brittle and empty the last couple days as he struggled not to break down. It felt like he would shatter at the lightest touch, the softest word.

Natsu sighed and looked away, his gaze drifting across the grass to Lyon's left as if he couldn't meet the ice mage's eyes.

"He didn't tell anyone beforehand," he said quietly. Lyon had figured as much. Gray could be pretty damn secretive when he wanted to be. "Only Jii-chan knew. Apparently…apparently he asked Gray. He asked Gray to be the backup plan."

Lyon's hands instinctively curled into fists, and he noticed with some surprise that Natsu's had done the same. The ice mage knew that Gray had looked up to Fairy Tail's master and considered him part of his adopted family. That someone Gray cared so deeply about could ask him to do such a terrible thing disgusted Lyon.

The slight hint of bitter anger that had touched Natsu's voice before being concealed once more made Lyon think that the dragon slayer felt much the same way. He supposed that Natsu had been as close to Makarov as Gray had been, so he must be taking the betrayal hard. Perhaps he was more upset than he appeared.

"Since Jii-chan was the only one who knew…Gray gave him a letter, before the battle. You know, in case–in case he didn't make it back." There was a slight waver in Natsu's voice, but within seconds it was even once more. "That letter was addressed to me."

Lyon tried to tamp down the sudden flare of jealousy and grief that stabbed at his heart. He knew that Gray and Natsu had been close, but Lyon had known Gray first. Maybe it was selfish, but he wished that his adoptive brother had left his last words to him instead.

He noticed that Natsu was watching him carefully with hooded eyes. There was a brief pause, and Lyon wondered if the dragon slayer realized what was going through his head. After a second, Natsu started speaking again.

"He said a lot of things, asked me to do a lot of things." Natsu let out a breath. "One of the things he asked me to do was to come find you and tell you about his…death…if you hadn't already heard."

Lyon ground his teeth together and felt a sharp prick of pain as his fingernails dug into his palms. Dead. Yes, Gray was dead, even if Lyon didn't want to admit it to himself. It might not have been a conventional death, but it was a death nonetheless. Iced shell broke down the body of the caster and turned it into ice, so perhaps Gray was still alive in some way. But honestly, Lyon hadn't ever really believed that Ur was still alive, and he couldn't bring himself to seriously consider the possibility that Gray lived on in some sense of the word. He wanted to, but the word 'death' bounced around his head and taunted him.

Dragging himself out of his dark thoughts, Lyon realized that Natsu had paused again and was watching him with those unsettling eyes. It felt like the dragon slayer knew exactly what was running through his mind, and it was unnerving.

"Well," Lyon said shortly, "I've heard."

Natsu nodded. "He also included something that he wanted me to give to you. I guess he didn't have the chance to see you before the battle and…say goodbye. So he wrote a letter to you as well and asked me to give it to you."

Lyon stopped breathing as Natsu reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter. The dragon slayer held it out to him, but Lyon hesitated for a moment. His name was printed across the front of the envelope in black ink, and his eyes traced the handwriting he knew almost as well as his own. He had always teased Gray for his girly handwriting. Not that the younger mage wrote with curlicues or anything, but his handwriting was always so neat and precise. As a matter of fact, most everything about Gray was neat and precise, besides his bad habit of shedding clothing. His handwriting, his apartment, his magic…All were characterized by their neatness and precision. Lyon had always wondered if it was just another way for Gray to exert his influence, to feel a sense of control in a world that had taken so much from him.

Lyon quickly snatched the letter from Natsu's hand, as if the dragon slayer would change his mind at any second and take it back. He turned it over in his hands, frowning as he realized that the seal was broken.

"I already read it." Lyon looked up at the sound of Natsu's voice. The dragon slayer smiled at him sheepishly. "Probably shouldn't have, but I was curious. If Gray wanted to keep me from reading it that badly, he should have kept himself alive to make sure of it."

Lyon just blinked at him for a moment, before exhaling sharply and shaking his head. He felt a prickle of resentment and annoyance—who did Natsu think he was, reading something that had been addressed to Lyon?—but it faded quickly. He was still irritated that the dragon slayer had already read the letter, but Lyon had a nagging feeling that if their positions were reversed, he would have done the same. And despite what Natsu said, Lyon rather doubted that curiosity had been the main motivating factor. Knowing that your best friend was gone and that you held the last pieces of him in your hands…Well, Lyon would probably examine all of those pieces too.

With shaking hands, he withdrew the letter from the envelope. He had a sudden burning need to read Gray's letter and read it now. It would probably be better if he waited until he was alone, but he simply couldn't wait any longer. He had to know what Gray had wanted to tell him. He had to know right now.

He let out a shaky breath and started reading.

Natsu, I know you're reading this even though it's addressed to Lyon. I can hardly stop you now, but don't think you're so clever. You sure aren't fooling me.

Lyon blinked at the paper stupidly for a second, and then looked up at Natsu. He let out a strangled laugh, before clapping a hand over his mouth. No, he should certainly not be laughing at a time like this. Gray was dead. There was nothing to laugh about.

Natsu smiled over at him sadly. "It's okay. I had pretty much the same reaction. It's okay to laugh—it was pretty funny. If he didn't want us to laugh, he wouldn't have bothered writing that."

Lyon stared at him for a moment before nodding. "He really knew you well," he commented dryly, his voice wavering slightly.

"Yeah. I never could fool him. He always seemed to know what I was thinking. It really wasn't fair, considering how good he was at hiding things from me." The corners of Natsu's lips twitched upwards into a melancholy half-smile. "It's funny, but in the letter he addressed to me he said that he trusted me, almost more than anyone else. I guess that didn't include trusting me not to read things that I shouldn't be poking my nose into," he said ruefully.

Lyon smiled back at him halfheartedly. "He always was better at figuring out other people than we were at figuring him out," the ice mage remarked, his voice half fond and half sad. But…" He trailed off and let his gaze drop back to the piece of paper he held in his hands. "I could tell that he really did trust you. Maybe not with silly things like staying out of other people's mail, but he trusted you with all the important things."

They stood in silence for a few minutes, before Lyon heard the dragon slayer shift.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess he did. Now go ahead and read your letter."

Lyon glanced up at him, and noticed that he looked tired, but also understanding. The ice mage supposed that Natsu must have a pretty good idea of the mixture of anticipation and fear he felt as he looked at the letter. After a moment, Lyon nodded and turned back to the letter, his eyes hungrily devouring Gray's words.

Lyon,

I suppose you've heard the news by now. I asked Natsu to tell you, but I wouldn't be surprised if you heard about it before he showed up. Honestly, I'm sorry. I already knew that there was a possibility of this happening when I went into that battle. Knowing that, I wanted to go see you one more time, to say goodbye, so to speak. Unfortunately I didn't have the time to do that, so this letter will have to be enough, however inadequate it may be. I'm sorry that I couldn't say goodbye to you face-to-face.

I know that this whole affair is going to remind you of what happened with Ur. I suppose that if I'm being completely honest here, I never managed to quite forgive myself for that. Ever since that day, part of me has always expected that I'd eventually follow in her footsteps and use iced shell as well. Not that I was searching for death or anything, but I've been prepared for this. My stupidity, my weakness, my blind grief and rage, they ultimately led to Ur's death. A life for a life, you know?

You were unconscious when she used iced shell, and I never told you what her last words were. She said that she had come after me to take back her happiness, because you and I were what made her happy. And she realized that for me Deliora represented all my fear and anger and grief—my darkness. I think that in the end, that's one of the reasons she was so determined to seal it. At the very, very end, what she said to me was "I'll seal your darkness."

Damn, that hurt. I always felt bad because despite those words, my darkness still lived. I was still running and fighting and destroying myself with my anger and guilt. But it was a start, you know? She gave me what I needed to start letting go of my darkness so that I could move past it.

I'm not doing anything half so grand as that, but I do understand what she meant about happiness. You and Fairy Tail are what brought me happiness in my darkest days, and I think that's worth fighting for. And I'm sorry Lyon, but I've already watched two families destroyed in front of my eyes. I can't lose a third. I really can't.

I've bonded very closely with everyone in Fairy Tail and they've helped me a lot, but it's also true that I knew you first. When we were younger, I always looked up to you as the older brother I never had. You and Ur were family, and it nearly killed me to see what my stupidity did to you. To be honest, I always kind of blamed myself for what happened with you too. I know how upset you were over Ur's death, and you had every right to be angry with me. Sometimes I wonder about what would have happened if I hadn't taken away your role model and goal. I guess that if it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't have spent years of your life obsessed with resurrecting a demon. I didn't only lose Ur that day. I missed you a lot over the years.

It was really nice how we started getting closer again after Galuna. There was still a lot of distance between us, a gap of time and guilt and uncertainty, but I felt like we were getting somewhere. I wish that we had more time to work things out. Believe it or not, I still look up to you, although I'd never admit it to your face. I really am glad that we had the opportunity to meet again as friends.

It makes me feel a lot better to know that you've moved on and joined a guild and made new friends so that you aren't so alone anymore. I've always kind of wondered if I helped with that—if I got through to you on Galuna and somehow helped you come to your senses. Move past your own darkness, in a way. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but it helps me feel less guilty about ruining your life in the first place, if I somehow helped put it back together again afterwards.

Whatever the case, I know that you have some close friends now and I hope that they'll be there for you when I'm gone. Let them help you. I know that you'd rather handle things on your own, but you've got friends for a reason. Yes, you're strong, but relying on others isn't necessarily a weakness.

Anyway, it meant a lot to me that we had the opportunity to meet again and patch things up before…this. Although it might have made things harder for you. I guess it would have been easier for you if you still hated me. I know that you're going to be hurt, even if you try to hide it. So for that, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I'm going out the same way as Ur.

I'm using iced shell in order to protect Fairy Tail because they mean just about everything to me now, but you know, I'd use it for you too. I know, that's kind of a twisted way of saying that I care, but it's still true. I almost used iced shell on you once before, but now I'd use it for you instead. I would use it because it would kill me to watch anyone else I care about die, and because I want my friends—my family—to live on. That includes you, Lyon. I want you to live, not just survive. Don't you dare even think about becoming as bitter as you did after Ur's death.

You know, I've had time to do a lot of thinking these past few days, and it's helped me come to terms with some things. I was a mess after Ur too, and it sure didn't help me any. Now that I'm in the same position she was, I can truly appreciate how unhappy she would have been with me for drowning myself in guilt and anger. And that worries me a little, because if I nearly self-destructed after someone died for me, I can imagine that some of my friends might do the same. I don't want that to be you.

I don't really know what else to say. I'd like to think that you understand all the important things I've never actually come out and told you, but I can't be sure. I know that I've done a lot of wrong by you in my life, and I'm sorry for that. Forgive me. Forgiveness is a tricky thing, but I think that I've finally started forgiving myself for the things I've done. You should do the same.

If there was one final thing that I'd want to make sure you knew, it's that I've always cared about you. You can be annoying and insufferable and horribly full of yourself, but I guess that's just part of being a brother, huh? So…thank you, for everything. We've had our differences, but you were really there for me when I needed you the most. I wish that I could continue to do the same for you.

Goodbye, Lyon.

-Gray

Lyon stared at the letter numbly, a deep feeling of emptiness settling inside him. "He sounds a lot more formal in writing than he does when he speaks normally, doesn't he?" he muttered dully, his voice sounding as if it came from a thousand miles away.

"Yeah." Natsu looked back over at him again, and Lyon vaguely noted that the dragon slayer had turned away, probably to give the ice mage privacy as he read the letter. "Yeah, he did."

"Shit," Lyon said in a shaky voice. Whatever was left of his self-control was rapidly crumbling, and he felt as fragile as blown glass. Glass that could shatter at any moment. "Shit."

Despite his best efforts, a tear slid down his cheek, and he brushed it away hurriedly. He took a step backwards to lean his back against the wall of the building behind him, only just managing to stop himself from sliding to the ground.

"It's okay to cry," Natsu remarked quietly.

Lyon stared at him for a moment before shaking his head sharply. He didn't want to cry. Not out here where any of his guildmates could walk past at any moment. Not where Natsu or anyone else could see him.

He narrowed his eyes at the dragon slayer. How the hell was Natsu so calm? Why wasn't he torn apart and sobbing? Why wasn't he on the edge of breaking like Lyon himself was? Lyon didn't want to cry, and Natsu's lack of overt emotion was making him angry. Furious even.

"What the hell were you doing?" he spat, turning on Natsu with blazing eyes. "Why the hell didn't you stop him? You stopped him on Galuna Island. You stopped him twice. Why didn't you stop him this time?"

Lyon was practically shouting at this point, his hands clenching and unclenching as he stared down the dragon slayer. Somewhere within himself he welcomed the anger, because if he was angry, he wasn't sad.

Natsu stood there and took it silently, and his lack of reaction infuriated Lyon even more. But just as the ice mage was about to continue his tirade, he noticed the emotions warring in the dragon slayer's eyes. He couldn't quite tell what they were, but it looked like a mixture of anger and guilt and grief, and perhaps something else that he couldn't make heads or tails of.

"I tried," Natsu said softly, his voice barely louder than a whisper. Lyon felt the fight drain out of him, and the anger was slowly replaced by a crushing emptiness once more. "We tried to stop him once we realized what he was doing, but he put up this wall of ice. It was huge; it was amazing he had enough magic to maintain it when he was also casting iced shell. And it wasn't distorted or foggy like most ice. It was completely clear, so we could see everything that was going on, but we couldn't stop it."

"Natsu–" Lyon started, suddenly feeling guilty about directing his anger at the other mage. The dragon slayer cut him off, staring blankly into the distance as if he hadn't heard Lyon speak at all.

"We kept trying to talk him out of it and we fought to break down that wall, but it didn't budge. And then I punched it again and suddenly it was cracking, and for a second I was really hopeful because I had finally managed to destroy it and I could get to him. But it was too late. I didn't break down that wall at all. He stopped maintaining it because he had finished casting the spell." Natsu finally looked back at Lyon, his eyes haunted even though his voice remained steady. "It was too late."

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, before Lyon let out a shuddering sigh and looked away. His previous anger had completely vanished now.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking. "I didn't mean that. I know you tried. You guys always took good care of him." He sagged against the wall and covered his face with his hand. His whole body was shaking with silent sobs now, as his previous anger and numbness gave way to a crushing despair. "I just…I just can't believe that he's really gone," he breathed, his voice choked with tears.

He couldn't believe that Gray wouldn't be there with that infuriating, self-satisfied smirk on his face if he walked into Fairy Tail tomorrow. He couldn't believe that Gray would no longer be there to get annoyed at the silliest things and start stupid fights. He couldn't believe that Gray was there one second and gone the next, erased from the world as if he'd never existed at all, with only the heartache he left behind to mark his passing. It was impossible—impossible—that Gray was gone.

There was a soft noise from beside him, and Lyon uncovered his face to see that Natsu had moved beside him and sat down with his back to the wall the ice mage was leaning against. Lyon gratefully let himself slide to the ground, his shaky limbs too weak to hold him upright any longer.

Natsu was staring straight ahead, not looking at the other mage. "It's fine. It's okay to be angry. And it's also okay to be sad. I can't believe that he's gone either."

"Still shouldn't take it out on you," Lyon muttered. "I'm probably more at fault than you anyway."

Natsu glanced at him sidelong. "What do you mean?"

Lyon closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the rough brick of the wall. "He almost used iced shell twice on Galuna Island. Twice. That was my fault. But…I have to wonder if that prepared him to use it again. Like, you clearly didn't know anything about Ur or iced shell until that point, and you two had known each other for how long? And then with everything I did on Galuna, he suddenly kept trying to use that spell. You stopped him the first two times, but I guess it almost makes sense that he ended up actually using it eventually."

Natsu grunted impatiently. "Unlikely. The past bothered Gray for a long time before and after Galuna. I might not have known what exactly had happened, but it was pretty obvious that he was haunted by his past. Besides, I think that I eventually got through to him, that second time he tried using it. So if anything, perhaps you indirectly helped him realize that he shouldn't give up and sacrifice himself like that when he still had friends to fight by him."

Lyon opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on the dragon slayer. Natsu was staring into the distance moodily, and the air was heavy with unspoken words. The ice mage wondered if there was something Natsu wasn't telling him, but there was no way to know for sure. He let out a shaky breath.

"I guess we'll never know." He grimaced. "What the hell was he thinking? He ruined my life, running off like a fool and getting Ur killed. And I was so damn lost for years, trying to figure out how to move on with life. And then the bastard comes waltzing back into my life and starts fixing things, only to go and ruin everything again. Damn."

Lyon was on the fine line between anger and grief again, teetering precariously on the edge. Part of him wanted to shout at the selfish jerk who was no longer here to hear him, and part of him wanted to break down and cry.

"Yeah," Natsu said noncommittally. "He really did a good job of ripping out everyone's hearts and stomping on them. But…" He tilted his head so that his hair fell into his face and obscured his expression. "He didn't ruin your life this time. He wanted you to keep on living and move on with your life. He eventually helped you get past Ur's death, didn't he? He gave you all the tools you needed to overcome his death too."

"Easier said than done," Lyon countered. "Damn. I don't–I don't understand," he whispered. He was falling apart now. He drew his knees to his chest and buried his face in them, his whole body shaking as he started sobbing in earnest. "After everything I did to him, the fool still forgave me. He still took me back and tried to be my friend again. Why? Why?"

For a few long seconds there was a pause, the silence broken only by the sounds of Lyon's quiet sobs.

"Because he screwed up too," Natsu said finally. "He took responsibility for the things he did in the past, and once you did the same, he decided he wanted to be your friend—your family—again. He couldn't hold what you did against you, because he had made mistakes too and he knew it. And I suspect that he thought he deserved it anyway, for what happened with Ur."

"That's even worse," Lyon groaned. "He didn't deserve it."

"I know." Something in Natsu's tone made the ice mage look up. The dragon slayer stared at him solemnly. "Maybe he eventually figured that out too, but he was always blaming himself for things. I could sometimes tell, even though he tried to hide it.

"If we're being completely honest here, he was a hell of a lot more forgiving of you than I was. I didn't want you anywhere near him after what happened on Galuna. You hurt him a lot, and I was worried that you'd do it again. But…It worked out. Either he was a better judge of character than I was or he got lucky. He wasn't very happy with you after everything you did, but he still wanted to renew your relationship. I think that your absence bothered him a lot more than he let on, over the years. He was pretty upset when you were his enemy."

Lyon winced a little. "Guess I deserved that," he remarked ruefully.

Natsu just shrugged. "I think it's high time we stopped playing the blame game. I thought his letter made it pretty clear that he didn't really blame you for anything. As for me…" He shrugged again. "I didn't want you near Gray because you hurt him, but I rather think you've made up for it. He was a lot happier once you two were friends again."

"He was right," Lyon said after a moment. "He was the one who snapped me out of it on Galuna Island. What did he call it? Sealing my darkness? Well, he did. I wish that I could have done something as important as that for him. He ended up helping me so much, and I didn't have the chance to do the same for him. I guess I got a lot more out of our friendship than he did."

He bowed his head as another tear dripped down his cheek. He wished that he had done something more. Gray had played in important role in shaping the person Lyon was today, and the elder ice mage regretted not being able to help him in a similarly important way. He felt like he owed Gray something, and now that the younger mage was dead, there was no way for Lyon to repay that debt.

"I don't think that's true." Lyon glanced over at Natsu and blinked away the tears so that he could see the other man's face. The dragon slayer was staring fixedly at a point in the grass, his expression unreadable. "He always blamed himself for what happened to you and Ur, and I think it brought him a lot of comfort when you finally let go of your blind hatred and stopped blaming him. I don't know if you ever came out and actually said that you forgave him, but he sensed it, after you became friends again. I think that helped him start forgiving himself for everything with Ur.

"And like he said in the letter, befriending you again and helping you move on with your life helped him start forgiving himself for the pain he unintentionally caused you. You, more than anyone, helped him begin letting go of all his guilt. And besides, like I said earlier, he was a lot happier after you two made up. I wouldn't say that that's insignificant."

Lyon's eyes filled with tears again. God, he hoped Natsu was right. He wanted to think that he had done something—anything—to have a positive impact on Gray's life. He knew for sure that he had hurt the other mage a lot, and he needed to know that he had made up for it in some way.

The two sat in silence for several long minutes, before Lyon sighed and rubbed at his eyes. He had had enough of crying. He still felt fragile, as if he might burst into tears again at any moment, but he would save the waterworks for later, when he was alone.

"The first time I saw you, I assumed that you and Gray didn't get along, you know," he said thoughtfully, with a melancholy half-smile. "You two were always fighting and throwing insults at each other. But it quickly became pretty obvious that you were actually good friends. Not just when you stopped him from using iced shell, but in all the things you didn't say or do as well. Neither of you was very demonstrative about it, but the way you talked, the things you did for each other, even the way you fought, showed a deep friendship."

He laughed softly, his eyes clouded with pain. "Believe it or not, I was actually kind of jealous of you." Lyon felt Natsu's eyes on him, but didn't look over. "When we were younger, the relationship I had with Gray was very similar to the one you had with him now. We would fight and insult each other, but we were still like family, you know? After everything that happened, we lost that. When we started getting along again our relationship started healing, but it wasn't the same. I mean, obviously. We had a lot of issues to work out.

"And then I'd see how you and him were so close and I'd resent it, because I had that first." He chuckled dryly. "Kind of silly. But you know, I'm glad that he found a friend like you. I know he needed one. I'm glad that you were there for him when I wasn't."

They sat side by side quietly for several minutes, the silence both companionable and melancholy. Natsu finally stirred slightly, and Lyon glanced over at him.

"I did what I could." The dragon slayer paused, and Lyon got the feeling that he was desperate to add something to that statement, perhaps to make a confession or admit a misgiving. But the moment passed, and Natsu continued speaking. "But you were clearly important to him too. We each had a different part to play in his life. You played the role of surrogate brother and mentor, and I played the role of best friend, perhaps bordering on brother. He looked up to you and admired you. There's no way in hell he would have admitted that to you if he wasn't worried about dying the next day, but it was there. I think he saw me more as someone to understand him and get into trouble with him, and occasionally confide in."

He met Lyon's gaze. "I was never replacing you. He never found anyone to replace you, and I don't think he ever tried to. Yes we were good friends, but that doesn't diminish the importance of your relationship with him."

Lyon suddenly felt himself on the verge of tears again, and hurriedly pulled himself to his feet, the letter still clutched in his hand. Beside him, Natsu rose as well.

"I should–I should go," Lyon whispered.

Natsu nodded, his eyes full of grim understanding. "Yeah. It's okay to mourn, but don't forget that you have a lot of friends who are going to want to try helping you. And if you ever want to…talk to someone who–who knew Gray…"

He trailed off and looked away. Lyon thought he saw a flicker of pain in his eyes, and he wondered how upset the dragon slayer really was. Natsu had seemed mostly calm and composed throughout their talk, but Lyon knew that he must be hurting a lot more than he let on.

"Then I know where to find you," Lyon finished. Natsu nodded. "Alright, I'll keep that in mind." He hesitated. "Thank you, for taking care of him."

An unreadable shadow passed over the dragon slayer's face, but he just nodded. "Yeah. You too."

Lyon hesitated and glanced at him, but then shook his head and turned away. "Later, Natsu."

He began walking away, fingering the letter in his hands absently. He had the feeling that he would end up reading it many more times in the near future. But first, he would go hide in his empty house and cry for the brother he had lost for a second, more final, time.

Natsu lay curled up in a ball on the floor of his house, an untouched plate of food waiting on a nearby table. He had been in that position for most of the afternoon and evening. After his talk with Lyon he had made his way back to the guild, but after taking one look inside he had turned around and trudged back home to collapse on the floor.

Part of him had been expecting to see Gray when he looked in the guild hall, but of course the ice mage wasn't there. He should have been standing in the middle of the hall calling Natsu 'flame brain' and challenging him to a fight, but he wasn't. Natsu had stared at his empty place expectantly for a second before leaving.

He couldn't believe that Gray was gone. It just wasn't possible. The ice block was tough and strong and would never ever let himself get taken out before Natsu. Natsu was still alive, so Gray should be alive too. He still half-expected that after he got off his floor and went back to the guild, Gray would be standing there demanding to know where he had been. Because the alternative was too unbelievable, too painful, to even think of. Natsu didn't even want to consider it.

So instead, he had curled up on the floor and barely moved an inch for the rest of the day. A heavy feeling of numbness and emptiness had settled over him. He wasn't even crying like he had been yesterday. Instead he lay on the floor and stared blankly at the far wall, unable to muster up any kind of real emotion.

"Natsu? Aren't you going to eat?" Happy hovered nearby, looking worriedly between his prone friend and the plate of food he had prepared earlier.

"I'm not hungry," Natsu answered dully.

"But…you need to eat, Natsu."

The dragon slayer slowly moved his gaze to look at the Exceed. He saw a very worried, very sad cat. He supposed that he shouldn't worry Happy any more than necessary. Gray had wanted him to be strong for their friends, and he supposed that included Happy as well.

"Alright." He pushed himself to his feet slowly, staggering and wincing as his cramping muscles threatened to give out.

"Are you okay?"

Natsu considered the question for a moment, knowing that Happy was asking more than just whether or not he could stand. "I will be," he said finally, unsure if he was lying or not. To be honest, he probably was.

He picked up the plate of food unenthusiastically and carried it to the kitchen table, noticing that the plate he had broken the previous day was still lying on the floor in pieces. He supposed that he should clean it up, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

He sat down and began picking at his food apathetically. He managed to eat a few bites to appease Happy, but then he ended up mostly just pushing food back and forth across his plate. Strange. He was usually starving by now, but he didn't have much of an appetite.

"Natsu?"

Natsu looked up at the Exceed, who was gnawing on a fish distractedly, his attention focused on the dragon slayer. He hesitated, unsure of how to give Happy what he was looking for.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I'm not very hungry."

He pushed himself out of his chair and moved to the trash can to scrape the rest of the food off his plate, his movements sluggish and his limbs leaden. Happy watched him sadly as he finished throwing away his food and dropped his plate on the counter unceremoniously. Natsu paused, looking at the Exceed. He should do something to assuage Happy's concerns and comfort him, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything more today.

"I'm tired," he said after a long pause. "I'm going to bed."

Ignoring Happy's worried look, Natsu headed to his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. He stared at the ceiling sightlessly for several long hours before he finally fell asleep.

Note: Natsu's pieces are going to get a lot more depressing from here on out. This was for shock and disbelief, so it's mostly a stage of numbness instead of raw emotion. That comes later.

If Natsu seemed to be acting a little strangely, keep in mind that his goal here is to "stay strong" for his friends as he tries to comfort them. He'll seem a lot more collected when he's talking with the others than when he's alone with just Happy.