Note: I thought I'd quickly address a concern that a reviewer raised, namely that it's terribly to see Natsu tearing himself apart and he should be able to pick up the pieces eventually. I'm working my way through the stages of grief with Natsu, so his pieces are going to be horrendously sad until the stages done. This chapter is for guilt and the next chapter is for depression. The next chapter is going to be the beginning of a turning point of sorts, because it marks the end of the mission Gray left for Natsu (after all, the next chapter is Makarov's). In some ways, it rounds off the grieving portion. After that is Natsu's chapter, which involves the stage of acceptance and hope. That's where he finally starts healing a little bit. It's still going to be kind of sad because I write depressing things, but it will be the point where Natsu finally starts moving on. After that is just the epilogue, but I don't want to say too much about that yet. It's not necessarily a surprise per se, but it's going to be a little different from the rest of the story and I don't want to give it all away just yet. Anyway, that's the outline of the rest of the piece. Three more chapters after this one : )

Cana (Guilt)

"Oi, get me another beer," Cana slurred in the bartender's general direction as she finished off yet another tankard. Glasses and bottles of all shapes and sizes littered the counter and the floor around her, and by this point she was well and truly drunk.

The bartender looked at her doubtfully. "Miss, are you sure that–?"

"Yeah," Cana interrupted, irritation creeping into her voice. "Get me another one."

The man hesitated, before shrugging and sliding another glass down the counter. He moved away to attend other customers, leaving the mage to her drink. Cana nursed her beer in silence for several minutes, long past the point of downing her alcohol in a few swallows. The next person who interrupted her reverie wasn't the bartender.

"Hey." A greasy-looking man sat down on the stool next to her and offered her a devilish smirk as he studied her with hungry eyes. "What's a pretty girl like you doing here alone? Don't worry, I'll fix that. Come with me, babe. I'll show you a good time."

He leered and winked suggestively. Cana scowled in disgust.

"Back the hell off," she growled, shaking her head a little in a vain attempt to dispel some of the fuzziness the alcohol had induced. The man's cocky grin melted into a frown for a second before returning full force.

"Don't be like that, babe," he purred, leaning forward a little to caress her arm with sticky fingers. "Let's go somewhere where you and I can be alone."

Cana yanked her arm away and continued sipping at her beer. "I'm not your babe and I'm not going anywhere with you, you disgusting pervert."

The man's smirk slipped away and he stared at her coldly, a hint of anger and irritation in his gaze. "I wasn't asking."

"Hey!" Cana cried as he grabbed her arm and yanked her upright. "Get off me!"

"No can do, princess. Pretty girl like you getting drunk in a pub like this is asking for it."

Cana spat in his face and twisted her body in a bid for freedom. Her assailant hissed in irritation and readjusted his grip. He began dragging her towards the door. Thrown off balance and still more than a little tipsy, Cana stumbled after him, almost falling on her face.

"Let go of me," she insisted angrily.

Magic. She had magic she could use to get away from him. She barely suppressed a groan as her dizziness and nausea returned, making her head spin. She really wasn't in any state to be using magic right now.

"Let her go," came a new voice, no-nonsense and tight with barely contained fury.

"Who the hell are you?" Cana's assailant asked in exasperation. "Let me be."

"Who am I? I'm the man who's going to burn you to a crisp if you don't let go of her right now."

Cana twisted back to look at Natsu, wondering groggily why the hell he was here. He was clearly furious, his countenance set in unforgiving lines and his slightly raised fist covered in dancing flames. At the sight of the fire, the man who had accosted Cana released her and took a few hurried steps backwards. The sudden lack of support made Cana stumble, her knees buckling beneath her. Natsu hastily wrapped an arm around her to stop her from falling to the floor.

"Hey, man, sorry. I didn't know she was your girl. You can have her," the man said hastily, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Get out of here," Natsu said coldly.

The man didn't need to be told twice. He quickly spun on his heel and hightailed it out of there.

Natsu helped Cana back to the counter so that she could sit down again. She slid into her temporarily vacated seat gratefully, wishing that the room would stop spinning about in such a nauseating fashion.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Cana knew that she should thank him, but when she opened her mouth to respond, she found herself saying something else entirely. "What are you doing here?" she asked bluntly.

"I'm here to take you home," Natsu said after a moment, raising an eyebrow at the less than warm welcome as he sat down next to her.

"No," she replied immediately, her mouth running ahead of her brain. "It's not supposed to be you. I can't leave yet."

There was a brief moment of tense silence as Natsu stared at her with slightly narrowed eyes. "Sorry to disappoint," he said flatly, clearly bewildered and slightly hurt by her attitude. "What are you waiting for?"

Cana blinked at him uncomprehendingly for a few seconds. What was she waiting for? She felt a queasy expression settle over her features as the answer came to her.

"Gray," she blurted out before she could stop herself.

An unbearably anguished look flickered in Natsu's eyes for a moment before vanishing. He took a deep breath, as if steeling himself. "You'll be waiting a long time then. You know–"

"Stop!" Cana interrupted, her voice almost a shout. Panic flooded through her. "Don't you say it! Don't you dare say it! I worked hard to get myself this drunk—let me get my money's worth. Don't you dare come waltzing in here just to shove reality in my face again."

Natsu recoiled, his eyes widening a fraction as he stared at her with a conflicted expression. Cana found herself panting slightly from her outburst of anger and fear. The two mages stared at each other in a silence heavy with tension and disbelief.

"I'm sorry, Cana, but you can't keep doing this to yourself," Natsu said hesitantly after a moment, eyeing her warily like she might explode at any second.

"Go away," she hissed back. Part of her felt guilty for snapping at him when he was only trying to help, but the rest of her was too drunk and miserable to care. She didn't want to hear what he had to say. "Gray is the one who is supposed to come get me."

Natsu gazed at her in silence for a long minute before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Gray couldn't make it tonight," he said, fighting to keep his voice soothing and reassuring. Cana narrowed her eyes at his sudden change of tactics. "He sent me to get you in his place."

Cana couldn't stand it any longer. Whatever game they were playing, whatever issue they were dancing around, she couldn't stand it.

"Don't lie to me!" she yelled. "Gray is dead! He's dead."

Natsu leaned back in surprise again, clearly startled that she had made her way back to reality. Well, this silly game of theirs had forced her to face the facts, and Cana hated him for it. She had come here to lose herself for the night, to forget about everything that had happened. And then Natsu had come waltzing in, and even his very presence had begun forcing her to leave behind her drunken haven and come face-to-face with a reality she didn't want any part in. It shouldn't have been Natsu who had saved her from that creep. Gray had saved her many times before and he should still be taking care of her now. It should be Gray. Cana hated Natsu for that too.

"Yeah, he is," the dragon slayer said finally, his voice unbearably weary. He looked at her with tired eyes. "But I didn't lie to you."

"You had to have," Cana countered angrily. "He's gone."

"Yes, but he did send me to get you."

Cana stared at him blankly, her drink-addled brain trying to sort out his words. Gray had sent him? A tiny spark of hope made her spirits lift momentarily, but then it flickered out and her heart sank once more. No, it couldn't be because Gray was somehow still alive. They had both admitted that he was dead.

"How?" she demanded.

"Look, if you come with me and let me take you home, I'll tell you. Deal?"

Natsu studied her face, searching out her reaction to his proposal. Cana had the vague notion that he was acting as if he was trying to coax an injured, unpredictable animal. Perhaps that wasn't far from the truth. She kept her features carefully neutral as she considered the offer. The fuzziness in her brain made it difficult to think about his words in a clear fashion, but she tried anyway. Unfortunately, she couldn't shepherd her thoughts well enough to come up with a clear course of action. Just as she was about to give up, a quiet wisp of memory seemed to whisper in her head.

"Cana, you need to stop running away."

She let out a breath. Gray.

"Fine," she said flatly, unsure of how long she had left Natsu waiting for a response. Surprise spread across the dragon slayer's face and he blinked at her in mild shock. She didn't know why he had that stupid expression on his face. Maybe he hadn't been expecting her to acquiesce so easily.

"Good," he said in relief, recovering quickly. "Let's go."

Cana hummed in acknowledgement and stood slowly, resting her hands on the top of the counter to support her weight and keep her from toppling over. Turning slightly, she found Natsu chewing on his lip as he considered how best to help her. She scowled in irritation. Gray would already know. Gray had taken her home many times before, and he knew exactly what to do and how to do it.

With an exasperated huff, she grabbed one of Natsu's arms and settled it around her waist. Then she slid one of her arms around his neck and looked up at him.

"Oh. Yeah. Let's go," he mumbled.

The two walked out of the bar unsteadily, stumbling occasionally as Natsu got used to supporting Cana. His ineptness annoyed her. Gray had known how to support her and walk with her. He wouldn't be stumbling around like a drunk right now.

"Well?" she asked finally as they turned a corner. A chilly breeze swirled around her and she shivered a little. Natsu didn't seem to notice, and Cana wasn't about to ask for his help. She idly wished that she had Gray's coat with her—the one he had left behind at her apartment

A sigh from beside her pulled her out of her hazy thoughts.

"How much of this are you going to remember when you're sober?" Natsu questioned.

Cana snorted. Gray would have known. He had always seemed to have a feeling for which things she'd remember and which she wouldn't. Experience, perhaps. He had dealt with her drunkenness for years.

"Most of it," she answered sharply. She had a high enough tolerance for alcohol that she usually suffered little real memory impairment, even when she got wasted. "But then again, who knows when I'll actually be sober again?"

It's not like she had any real incentives to stay sober right now. She was rarely sober at the best of times, and when bad times came, she was just as likely to end up completely hammered.

"Well, that's a problem too," Natsu muttered.

She glared over at him blearily with clouded vision. After a second her vision cleared a little and she realized that she had been glowering at a spot off to the left of his nose. She quickly shifted her glare so that she met his gaze, and her irritation was increased by the fact that she had been looking in the wrong place. She opened her mouth to snap back, but he hurriedly continued on to forestall her.

"He left me a letter," the dragon slayer said flatly. Cana felt the fight drain out of her. "Well, he technically left it with Jii-chan, who gave it to me after…you know. Part of that letter asked me to look out for some people, and you were one of them."

Cana stopped short without even realizing it, and stared blankly at the cobblestones in front of her.

"Cana?"

She looked back over at Natsu. They had stopped within a pale circle of light cast by a nearby streetlamp, and the flickering glow illuminated Natsu's face so that she could see the concern in his eyes. She let out a breath and started hobbling forward again, grimacing as Natsu missed a step before following along beside her. She fixed her gaze on the ground again.

"Even when he's dead he's still trying to look after me," she muttered. "Damn, I caused him a lot of trouble."

There was a pause before Natsu spoke again. "I don't think that taking care of you bothered him. Knowing him, he would have just been unhappy at what you were doing to yourself, not unhappy because he felt like he had to look after you." He hesitated for a moment. "But you see, I wasn't lying back there. Sure he can't be here now, but he charged me with taking on his job of seeking you out and taking you home when you get yourself into these situations.

"You know," he added after a second, "I kind of feel like a jerk now."

"Why?" Cana asked, blinking up at him. Surely he should think that she was the jerk instead of the other way around. She had, after all, been rather rude and ungrateful towards him tonight. He must have the patience of a saint to deal with her right now.

He sighed. "Because even after all these years, I never realized that you did this. I mean, you drink all the time and that's just part of who you are. You might be tipsy most of the time, but I've rarely seen you completely wasted like this. And then I find out that you've been doing this for a long time—this going out and getting drunk in shady bars when you're hurting or don't want to deal with reality. All this time Gray has been looking after you, but I never even realized this was happening at all. I've known you since we were kids. I should have figured out that this was going on."

They stumbled along in silence, Cana's head reeling as she attempted to piece together what Natsu was trying to say. They slowly worked their way down several streets, and were almost to Cana's apartment by the time she responded.

"He knew me even longer than you did," she mumbled, wincing a little at how insensitive she sounded. "Not that…Ugh." She broke off and shook her head to try clearing it, looking for a way to get her words out that would actually convey her meaning instead of just sounding like a string of angry gibberish.

"Look, I never asked him to do this," she said after a moment's hesitation. "He figured it out on his own and became my self-appointed protector. I dunno how he did it, but he as long as he was in town, he almost always seemed to know when I got wasted and he would always figure out how to find me. If I had wanted you to know about this, I would have told you. There's no point feeling bad about it. Not that many people ever figured it out, and I preferred it that way."

"Yeah, I just…" Natsu let out another breath and then hurriedly steadied her as she almost tripped over a stone she hadn't noticed in her path. "Well, I didn't know then, but I know now. And Gray asked me to keep an eye on you and fetch you when you get like this, so I'm going to do it from now on. I'm sorry that I'm not him, but I'm all that's left now. I'll do it for him and for you."

For the first time since Natsu had arrived, Cana felt moisture pricking at the corners of her eyes. She quickly blinked back any tears that threatened to fall.

"Thanks, Natsu," she said quietly. His head turned towards her sharply and he blinked at her in surprise. Perhaps he was shocked that she wasn't attacking him like she had been ever since he arrived. "But…You aren't the one who should be feeling bad. I'm the one who's screwing up again."

Her gaze turned unfocused again and she let herself lean more heavily against the dragon slayer. Natsu staggered a little under her weight, but quickly adjusted.

"He always hated it when I did this. A few days before he died, he told me that I needed to face reality and stop getting drunk as a means of running away from my problems. He asked me not to, and the first thing I did when he died was to go out and get wasted. And that's pretty much all I've done in the weeks since. How screwed up is that? You shouldn't have to take over his job of keeping an eye on me—I shouldn't even be doing this anyway."

"Cana," Natsu said gently, "I think that he understood. I'm not even going to pretend that I understand exactly why you do this or what goes through your head, but I imagine that he did understand. I'm sure he would have wanted you to stop this because it's bad for you and potentially dangerous, but I also suspect that he wouldn't blame you for turning to alcohol after his death if that's the only way you know how to cope with your problems. He wouldn't expect you to be able to stop right away, and I don't think that he would be ashamed of you either. Maybe he would be disappointed if you didn't eventually get this under control, but he cared about you too much to be ashamed."

Cana's lip trembled a little and she fought back tears again. When she had come to the bar tonight, she had known that she was making a mistake. She had known that Gray wouldn't like it and she had known that she should be following his wishes. After all, he had done so much for her, and this was the least she could do in return. But despite those resolutions, Gray had still been gone, and the desire to forget about that fact had been more powerful than her good intentions.

Even in her inebriated state, she had the vague awareness of another reason she had been barhopping for weeks. She and Gray had drifted apart a little with the years. They had still talked and hung out in the guild together sometimes, but they hadn't been as close. They had most often met and interacted when Cana got wasted in some sleazy bar and Gray came to rescue her and take her home. Part of her still hoped that if she kept putting herself in these situations, he would eventually realize what she was doing and come to get her. It was silly, but she had had to come to that realization when Natsu had asked what she was waiting for. It was true—she was waiting for Gray.

Waiting, however irrational, was one thing, but what she was doing…it was quite another. Perhaps waiting wasn't worth it if it made her do all the things Gray had wanted her to stop.

"I want to stop," she whispered, leaning her head against Natsu's shoulder as they stumbled up the stairs of her building. "I need to stop, but I don't know how. It's going to be so hard, and I don't know if I can do it."

The arm about her waist tightened around her slightly in a reassuring gesture. Natsu used his free hand to push open the doors of the building, and then looked down to give her a sad smile.

"I know you can do it. And until you do, I'll be here to help you."

Cana sniffed and nodded. "Thank you," she said softly.

"It's not a problem," he replied. "I don't mind doing it for a friend."

Cana wondered if the friend he was referring to was her or Gray. He must have read the unspoken question in her eyes, because he smiled reassuringly.

"For both of you."

Cana's eyes filled with tears again, and she leaned against Natsu heavily as she rummaged through her purse for her keys, hoping to disguise her distress. If Natsu noticed, he didn't say anything.

She finally found the key and tried to fit it into the lock on her apartment door with shaking fingers. Her movements were still sluggish and uncoordinated from the alcohol, and it took her several tries before the key finally slid into the lock. When the door eventually swung open, she let go of Natsu so that she could step inside.

Finding a place to lean against the doorframe, she turned back to look at Natsu. He offered her a half-smile. "If you need any help, you can always come to me. You don't have to try to handle everything by yourself."

Cana stared at him blearily for a moment before nodding. "Okay. 'Night, Natsu."

"Goodnight," he replied.

"Sorry for being so rude earlier," she added as an afterthought. She shut the door in his face before he could respond.

She turned around to face the interior of her darkened apartment. Gray's white coat was thrown over the arm of a nearby chair, and she staggered over to pick it up and feel the heavy fabric in her hands. She bowed her head and hugged the abandoned jacked to her chest, as if she could still feel Gray through this one last physical connection she had to him.

She wasn't sure how long she stood there before she remembered what Gray's parting instructions had always been: "don't forget to lock the door behind me". She had already disappointed him once tonight; it wouldn't do to disappoint him on this count too. The coat dragged on the floor behind her as she let go of it except for her grip on one of the sleeves, and she made her way back to the door unsteadily.

She locked the door with trembling fingers, but didn't move to head to her bed. Instead, she stood silently in front of it, staring blankly at the wooden surface. She was waiting. After several long minutes, she gave in to the inevitable and let herself sink to the floor, her forehead resting against the cool wooden surface.

There hadn't been any footsteps retreating down the hallway after she had slid the bolt into place. There hadn't been any footsteps because Natsu had left as soon as she had shut the door. There hadn't been any footsteps because Gray was gone.

There was something heavy and final about the silence.

All these weeks, Cana had been waiting for Gray. When she got drunk in a bar and he didn't come, she could unconsciously play it off that he just hadn't known what was happening that night. But now that Natsu had come in his place…It forced her to acknowledge that Gray was gone for good. If he just hadn't shown, he might have been busy. If he had sent someone else in his place, he was dead. Perhaps she hadn't realized that that had been her unconscious reasoning, but she could see it now.

Natsu's presence and the lack of footsteps…they were a heavy dose of reality, a final death knell to her denial. This reality wasn't something she could just drink away. Gray had been right—it was about time she stopped running.

So Cana pressed her forehead into the door hard enough to leave a mark, clutched the ownerless coat to her chest, and finally let herself cry.

"It's all my fault."

Natsu was sitting with his back against one of his bedroom walls, a blanket wrapped tightly around him. As a fire mage he didn't really need it for warmth, so it must have been more for comfort than anything else. Happy was sitting a short distance in front of him with large, worried eyes.

"It's not your fault, Natsu," the Exceed insisted. "You did everything you could. Everyone tried to stop it, but even combined we couldn't do anything."

Natsu sighed wearily and shook his head, curling into himself some more. "This isn't about everyone," he said flatly. "'Everyone' didn't know the same things I did. You don't understand. He talked to me before the battle, and he pretty much told me exactly what he was planning to do. I was just too stupid to realize it. I was the one who knew there was something wrong. I knew that something was bothering him, but I let the issue go because I thought he would figure it out on his own. Damn it, we even talked about backup plans and iced shell. I should have known."

Natsu's hands curled into fists, but his anger wasn't directed at Gray anymore. It was directed towards himself.

"Gray talked to everyone before the battle," Happy reasoned. "No one else realized what was wrong either."

"Yeah, but he mostly talked to them about themselves," Natsu shot back. "He comforted them and gave them advice. When he talked to me…" He trailed off and hugged himself tightly. "I was the one comforting him. We talked about him, about his thoughts and feelings. He didn't tell the others things that would have—or should have—worried them, but I was damn worried about him when we ended that conversation. I was the only one who knew that something was wrong, and I still couldn't help him."

Happy stared at him sadly as he tried to come up with a rebuttal. "Well, everyone else seemed to realize that there was something a little off about him," he said finally. "Most of them said that he had been acting a little oddly, that he was more open or sentimental than usual."

"That's not the same," Natsu said with a shake of his head. "You could brush that off as a one-time thing. Are you really going to get worried if a friend seems a little more sentimental than usual? That's not a dead giveaway. But when he talked to me…Well, there was no mistaking that he was upset. The things he was saying…It was clear that something was wrong." He looked at Happy with haunted eyes. "He cried, Happy. He cried."

The Exceed recoiled in surprise, and then an even more melancholy expression settled over his features. Natsu realized that he had never told anyone quite how upset Gray had been that night. He hadn't told them that Gray had cried. He didn't really want them to know about that.

"Natsu–" Happy started, but now that Natsu had begun talking, he couldn't seem to make himself stop.

"I was the one who knew that he was feeling useless and like he didn't belong. I was the one who knew that he felt like his only real purpose on the team was to be some kind of stupid backup plan. He even told me that he thought his role was to 'ice over' whoever we couldn't beat. 'Ice over'. I knew that he was talking about iced shell. I knew it and I told him he was being an idiot. But if I knew, then why didn't I realize what he was planning? Why couldn't I stop him?"

Natsu shuddered and tried to curl into himself even more, although he was already in as tight a ball as he could manage. Tears began to well in his eyes and slowly drip down his cheeks.

"I tried to make him see how much we cared about him and how important he was to our team. I tried to make him understand how much we needed him and wanted him. I thought I got through to him, I really did. So I let it go so that he could finish working the rest of it out by himself. But…I thought he knew better than to give up. I told him not to give up. I–I told him so much to try to get through to him. Why?" he asked, his voice breaking as his entire body trembled with the force of the silent sobs he was making a futile effort to contain. "Why wasn't it enough?"

"Natsu…" Happy scooted forward and climbed up the mound of blankets encasing his friend so that he could perch at the dragon slayer's eye level. He dug through the fabric until he found Natsu's body, and hugged his friend fiercely. "I'm sure you helped him," he whispered, his own eyes filling with tears. "It sounds like you at least helped him feel better."

"But it still wasn't enough," Natsu said brokenly, his own arms fighting through the blankets to wrap around Happy's small form. "I should have done more. I should have kept reassuring him and talking to him. I should have made him tell me what stirred up such feelings. Maybe there was something I could have said that would have made him reconsider such a stupid plan. I should have–I should have done more."

"You did what you could," Happy murmured soothingly, although his voice wavered. "Besides, do you really think that there's anything you could have said that would have made him abandon the plan? Gray had his reasons for using iced shell, and he wouldn't have been easily swayed. You know how stubborn he was."

"I know," Natsu whispered. "I know, but…there must have been something I could have done. And even if I couldn't have persuaded him not to use that damn spell, I should have realized what he was planning so that I could have stopped him. And even if I couldn't have done that…" He squeezed Happy tighter. "I should have been able to break through that stupid ice wall and stop him. I've beaten impossibly powerful opponents on so many occasions. I've saved Lucy and Erza and the others so many times. But I couldn't break down a stupid ice wall? I couldn't save Gray. I couldn't…"

Natsu broke off as his tears choked off his voice. He rocked back and forth as he cried uncontrollably. For a few long moments, only the sound of his sobs filled the silence.

"None of the others could break down the wall either," Happy said finally, his voice tired and sad. "You did what you could. You were almost out of magic, and no one else was any better off. There's nothing you could have done. You tried so hard. It's not your fault that you didn't have enough magic left to break the wall down."

"But I should have…I should have…" Natsu couldn't seem to finish his thought, his eyes squeezed shut as the tears continued to stream down his face. Happy nuzzled him soothingly, his blue fur soaked by both his and Natsu's tears.

"Gray made his choice, Natsu. He knew the stakes and he knew the costs. He chose to do it anyway. You can't keep blaming yourself for something he did. Do you think he would want you to do that? He'd just tell you that you're stupid for trying to take credit for his own actions. He would take responsibility for what he's done. Gray did what he thought he had to do. You couldn't have stopped him."

Happy hid his own face in the blankets so that Natsu couldn't see his tears, but the quiver in his voice was unmistakable.

"I'm sorry," Natsu breathed softly. "I know that you miss him too, and I've been worrying you and taking out my own grief on you."

He felt the little cat's body tremble in his arms. "It's okay," Happy said, his voice muffled by the fabric. "I understand."

"But it's not okay," the dragon slayer insisted, feeling guilt and remorse stabbing at his heart once more. "I know that I've hurt you and worried you. And…God, I was a jerk. I was a jerk to Gray too. I almost tore up his letter and I blamed him for a lot of horrible things. I said–I said I hated him." Natsu's voice broke. "I said…I almost said that–that I would never forgive him."

His grip on Happy tightened again. "I'm sorry!" he wailed. "I'm so, so sorry…"

He felt wetness seeping through his shirt and realized that Happy was sobbing as well.

"I miss him," the Exceed said, his voice trembling. "I miss him, but I miss you too. You can't–you can't keep blaming yourself for things. You need to let it go. You need to let him go."

"I can't," Natsu moaned. "He was my best friend. I was supposed to have his back. That's how we worked. He looked out for me and I looked out for him. But now…now I failed. I couldn't see what was wrong until it was too late. I couldn't save him. It was my job, and I failed. I don't know–I don't know how to forgive myself for that."

Happy finally looked up at him, the fur on his face matted with drying tears and his eyes still filled with moisture. "You have to forgive yourself because it's not your fault, and because Gray would want you to. We all feel bad that we couldn't stop him. All of us feel a little guilty about something. But in the end…we did everything—everything—that we could. It wasn't enough, and we have to live with that.

"We have to live with that because we didn't die facing that demon, because Gray saved us. He wanted us to live, and I'm sure he would have felt terribly guilty if he knew there was a way to save us and he didn't take advantage of it. But…you have to realize that in not saving Gray, you saved everyone else. If you had stopped Gray, then maybe everything would have worked out alright. But it's just as likely, if not more likely, that the demon would have just killed us all, and then Gray would be dead anyway, along with the rest of us.

"I'm not saying that that should make you feel any better, but…Even if you did somehow fail Gray, he didn't fail us. And now you have to keep on living so that you don't fail everyone else. Gray isn't here to save us next time—it's going to be your job again. Do what you always do when you lose someone: take a little time to mourn, get stronger, and protect whoever is left. All of this guilt is weighing you down and preventing you from really living. Gray cared about you too much to want to see you doing this to yourself.

"I care too much. We still need you, Natsu."

Natsu stared at Happy speechlessly for a long minute, surprised to hear the Exceed deliver such a long speech. He couldn't stop the tears from falling, but he tried to give his friend a small, watery smile.

"I need you too," he whispered.

And I need him.

"I know," Happy murmured softly. "I know."

They didn't speak any longer, but sat huddled up with each other for comfort. Despite Happy's reassurances, Natsu couldn't let go of the crushing regret. It seared through his veins, gnawed at his bones, and ate deep holes into his soul. He couldn't let it go. He couldn't let Gray go. He let out a shuddering breath.

He should have done something—something more to have saved Gray. The guilt hurt worse than the anger, worse than the sadness and emptiness, because it made everything that had happened his fault, and because he knew that it would never leave him. He could hope that one day the guilt would recede a little, that he could accept that Gray's choice hadn't been his fault, but he knew that it would never completely disappear. Some part of Natsu would always blame himself for Gray's death.

And although the dragon slayer had been able to forgive Gray, he still had no idea how to forgive himself.