Natsu (Acceptance and Hope)

Natsu groaned pitiably as he stumbled off the train and slumped over on a nearby bench to wait for his stomach to settle. Normally he wouldn't use transportation unless he was forced to, but today was different. He had gotten on the train of his own accord, willingly although not happily. Since he hadn't brought anyone else with him he could rest here for as long as he wanted to recover from the horrible train ride, but after a few minutes he sighed heavily and pulled himself to his feet. He knew that he was just stalling now.

This town was only a few hours from Magnolia by train, but Natsu needed to do this today and he didn't want to bring Happy with him, so he couldn't just walk unless he wanted to make it into an overnight journey. He didn't want to make it into an overnight journey.

And even though he had reached the town, his destination was at least another hour away by foot. Natsu considered buying some lunch before he set off on his trek, but decided against it. He was still feeling a little queasy from the train, and his appetite hadn't really recovered to begin with. Instead, he began walking.

He walked through the town and out the other side, and then followed a small, winding foot trail through the countryside. At times it disappeared entirely, and Natsu had to rely on the directions he had stealthily obtained through seemingly casual questions over the past several days. It was a beautiful day with bright sunshine and a slight breeze, but he wasn't in the mood to appreciate the nice weather or the wildlife he passed. He was tense and keyed up, and every step seemed to heighten the anticipatory tension even further.

He didn't know how long he had been walking when he finally crested a hill and realized that he had reached his destination, but his feet were sore and aching. They didn't ache half as much as his heart though.

A mountain rose up before him, and Natsu's keen eyes quickly picked out the entrance to the cave system that riddled it. His pace slowed even further as he unhurriedly approached the gaping black hole marring the mountain's craggy surface. Steeling himself, he stepped into the passage, halfheartedly raising one hand and lighting it on fire so that he could see in the darkness. He unenthusiastically strode down the narrow corridor, careful not to brush against the damp stone to either side. Glancing about in distaste, he wondered whose great idea it had been to pick this godforsaken place.

After winding through the belly of the mountain for quite a distance, the passage suddenly widened into a large chamber. Natsu's feet stopped moving as he gaped at the large object in the center. In the very middle of the underground room, a gigantic demon towered menacingly, its horned head nearly touching the ceiling and its once-glowing crimson eyes dull and glassy.

But Natsu wasn't looking at the monster. He only had eyes for the ice encasing it. Part of the room's ceiling had opened up into a shaft to the outside, perhaps the result of some long ago landslide or more recent excavation, and sunlight from the outside sky poured through the hole to hit the very center of the room where the ice had been positioned. The light struck the ice and scattered, setting the crystalline structure glowing. The ice glittered and shone, sparkling in all of its chilly splendor as the light caught it at all the right angles. It took Natsu's breath away.

It was beautiful, in the ugliest possible way.

"Gray," Natsu breathed, dropping his hand as his fire flickered out. It was true that the cave was plenty bright with the light shining in, but the real reason he put out his flames was because of how Gray had panicked when Natsu's fire got too close to Deliora's prison on Galuna Island. Natsu knew that his fire wouldn't melt the ice, but it seemed respectful to extinguish it nonetheless.

With a shuddering breath, the dragon slayer slowly inched into the cave, taking a few hesitant steps towards the ice structure. He stopped a few feet before the ice and stared at its shimmering surface as if in a trance.

"Hey, it's been a while, ice block," he managed to choke out finally.

The terrible irony of the once-teasing nickname struck him as soon as it left his lips, and he let out a strangled laugh that verged on a sob. Ice block indeed.

Natsu didn't know how aware Gray could be in his state. Probably not very, considering he was currently a hunk of ice. Ice had never struck Natsu as being very aware of the things going on around it. But still, he felt the need to talk, to say the things he had never said. He supposed that it was rather like talking to a grave. That thought bothered him, so he hurriedly continued speaking so that he didn't have to think about it any longer.

"Happy birthday."

Natsu's hands clenched into fists and he gritted his teeth as his gaze drifted down towards the ground. Looking at the ice was too painful. He absently noticed that bouquets of flowers, some wilted and some still fairly fresh, were strewn about the base of the ice structure like offerings at a grave or shrine. He idly wondered who was still coming to pay their respects. He supposed that some of their friends must drop by from time to time. For some reason, it seemed to bring them a little comfort. They had occasionally asked him to join them on the pilgrimage, but Natsu had always refused. He hadn't wanted to see what Gray had become, and he certainly wasn't ready. In all the months since his best friend's death, this was the first and only time Natsu had come here.

"We should be having a party right about now," he mused. "I don't imagine that anyone really feels like celebrating though. Although I'm not sure what they actually are doing at the guild right now."

He hadn't bothered going to the guild today. He had just gotten up early, told Happy that he was taking a day trip, and gotten on a train. Something about the way Happy had looked at him made Natsu think that he suspected what the dragon slayer was planning, but he might have just imagined it. This trip had been a spur-of-the-moment decision. If Natsu himself hadn't known that he would be here right now until a few hours ago, how could Happy have guessed?

Natsu let out a breath. He didn't want to talk about Gray's birthday anymore. It hurt too much. It hurt knowing that his friend should be one year older but was instead frozen forever as a goddamn hunk of ice. It hurt knowing that he and Gray should be celebrating right now, but that only one of the two was left. Natsu didn't feel inclined to celebrate in the slightest. He should be celebrating, but he could only mourn.

"How did they manage to get you in here?" he burst out suddenly, unwilling to pursue his earlier line of conversation.

It was quite the tangent, but still a valid question. The demon was huge, and the ice around it even bigger. How the guild had managed to transport them at all—much less move them hours away through narrow, winding, underground passages—was beyond Natsu's comprehension. Perhaps they had used magic. It seemed like the only plausible explanation.

"I still don't know why they even picked this place," he muttered into the dead silence. "I was all for sticking you somewhere freezing cold, but I never got to give my opinion since I was still sulking at home and avoiding the guild when that discussion took place." His mouth twisted into a grimace. "Dunno why they thought a cave in the middle of nowhere was the perfect spot."

Although he had to admit that he was starting to see the appeal. The trek through the dark passageways was a little off-putting, but this chamber was another story. The light filtering through and reflecting off the ice made a stunning sight, and it gave the whole room the feeling of a memorial or shrine. It turned something horribly tragic into something terribly beautiful. Natsu wasn't sure if he liked that. He rather thought that it should be ugly and cold—like how he felt.

He was aware that he was rambling now, letting his words and thoughts stray off topic so that he could postpone saying what he needed to say in order to achieve some kind of closure. To be honest, he wasn't quite sure what those words might be just yet, but letting his nerves derail this most important of conversations—of monologues, really—was not going to help him in the long run.

So, with a sigh, Natsu dropped to the ground and settled himself in a more comfortable cross-legged position.

"Yeah, yeah, I suppose you want to know why I'm here now, after all this time." Truthfully, he suspected that Gray was wondering nothing of the sort, considering he was a block of ice, but it helped Natsu's sanity to ignore that. "Well, I did what you asked me to. I did all of it. I talked to Lyon, Lucy, Erza, Juvia, Cana, and yes, even Jii-chan. Damn, that was the hardest one, too. You were right when you said I'd have a hard time letting go of what he did. I'm still working on it.

"But honestly, it's even harder to get over what you did. After everything I told you that night, I can't believe you still did this. I keep thinking that if maybe I had done something else, done something more, maybe I could have stopped you from using that damn spell. But…there really isn't anything more I could have done, is there? I guess you made that pretty clear in your letter. I'm still not sure if that feeling will go away though. It still feels like I let you down.

"God," he whispered, his voice breaking, "it feels like I let you down. But you let me down too, you know. You weren't supposed to give up on me like that. I told you not to give up. I told you that I didn't want you to die. Don't you remember what I said that night? What I said back on Galuna when you first tried to use that spell? I didn't–I didn't want you to die."

Tears were streaming freely down his face now, and Natsu made a halfhearted effort to wipe them away. Before he had been angry at Gray for leaving them, but right now Natsu was just sad, because he had come to accept that Gray wasn't coming back this time.

"You were–you were my best friend, you know? We were supposed to do jobs together and fight together and grow up together and live together. And now…Now you're gone. You're really, really gone. It's been months, and I still can hardly believe it. It's so different without you. Who am I supposed to throw insults at and pick fights with? You knew me better than anyone, but who is left to understand me now?"

Natsu sniffled and wiped at his red-rimmed eyes again. He shifted positions, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his folded legs. Letting his chin rest on his knees, he studied the ice before him tearfully. A half-glimpsed snatch of memory whispered that this was the same unusual position Gray had adopted that night of their last real conversation, and it struck Natsu as somehow meaningful.

"I tried…I tried so hard to make you see yourself the way we see you, when we talked that night. I tried so hard to break down that stupid ice wall you put up to stop us from interrupting your spell. All this time, I've been trying so hard to save you. I tried to save you from yourself, and I failed. I don't know–I don't know how to live with that."

He laughed breathlessly, the unamused sound accentuated by his sobbing breaths and falling tears. "It's funny, we spent a lot of our lives trying to save each other, didn't we? We never came out and said it, but we could always tell when the other was hurting and needed help, and we did help each other in our own ways. The others might not have understood that, but I did. I did. God knows you saved me so many times, but you've come damn near to destroying me with this. I don't–I don't know if I ever saved you the way you saved me. God knows you had so much more you had to be saved from. But I tried. I tried.

"I failed, didn't I? I'm sorry." His voice broke again. "I'm so sorry."

He sobbed into the heavy silence for several long minutes, unable to continue speaking. He eventually collected himself again, although the tears never fully stopped and he couldn't quite get rid of the brittle feeling of broken glass stabbing at his heart.

"I miss you," he said finally. "I really do. We fought like cats and dogs, but you meant so much to me. I'm not sure if I ever told you that, but I hope that you realized it all the same. You were smart. I hope you figured it out."

Natsu took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm here now because this is an end. I don't know if it's the end, but it is an end. I guess I've finally had to admit that you're gone and you aren't coming back. It took me a while to get there, you know, to admit that to myself, but here I am.

"I did everything you asked me to do in that letter. I fulfilled all those tasks and I stayed strong for the others like you asked me to. But I hope you knew what you were doing with that, because it hurt. God, it hurt. I feel like I've been playing a game, putting up a good show for everyone else so that they don't realize how close I am to breaking, you know? You were damn right when you said that it would be hard for me to fulfill those requests. It was so, so hard, but now…

"Now I'm finished, and I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what to do now that I don't have your last wishes guiding me. Being finished means that it's an ending, that I have to let you go. I don't–I don't want to let you go, Gray. I don't know how.

"This journey has been hard, but the ending is even harder. And I wish I was half as strong as everyone else thinks I am so that I can deal with it, but I'm not. I'm not that strong," he babbled, his voice becoming even more strangled as his tears intensified. "I'm not, and I'm breaking, and I don't know how to move on or let go. I don't know–I don't–"

Natsu broke off and buried his face in his knees, his entire body shaking with ragged sobs. He didn't know how long he had been crying when a comforting hand suddenly came to rest on his shoulder. He started in surprise and looked up, his eyes widening in confusion.

"Jii…chan…?" he asked slowly.

Makarov nodded and attempted to smile. "Hello, Natsu."

The dragon slayer looked down as Happy suddenly appeared and crawled up his leg to perch on his knees. The little blue cat peered up at him solemnly.

"You should have brought me with you," he said reproachfully, before his indignant demeanor melted away and he stretched forward to hug Natsu.

"Happy? What…?"

Natsu wrapped an arm around the Exceed, still stunned. What were they doing here?

"You know that we would have come with you if you asked us to," another voice said from behind him.

Natsu hurriedly turned, his movements awkward since his knees were drawn to his chest and he was still holding Happy. He gaped at the sight before him. Lucy had finished speaking and had raised an eyebrow at him. Erza, Juvia, and Cana stood fanned out behind her, all watching him.

Natsu quickly scrambled to his feet, keeping Happy clutched to his chest. He wondered how long they had all been standing there, and how much of his talk to Gray they had heard. He almost asked, but he had the feeling that they wouldn't tell him the truth if they had heard more than they should have, so he changed his question.

"How–How did you find me?" he stammered, his eyes darting back and forth between the five people standing before him.

"Happy told us," Erza answered quietly.

Natsu blinked at her owlishly before looking down at the blue and white bundle in his arms. "Happy? But…I didn't tell you where I was going," he said in bewilderment.

Happy stared up at him seriously. "You didn't have to. I could read it in your eyes."

Natsu just shook his head. Even he himself hadn't known where he was going until he was already on his way. Perhaps he was easier to read than he had thought.

"Well…" He looked back at the others. "Why are you here?"

The girls exchanged glances.

"You helped us and comforted us when we needed it," Lucy offered. "Why shouldn't we do the same for you?"

Natsu just stared, his mind racing. He had been so sure that he had hidden his pain well, so that everyone would think he had recovered quickly. He had put up a brave front and no one had called him on it. How would they have known? Only Happy had…

The dragon slayer looked at the Exceed with an accusatory glare. "I told you not to tell them anything," he grumbled darkly.

"I didn't!" Happy protested. "Well, I didn't tell them very much anyway."

"It's true," Erza confirmed. "He didn't tell us much about how badly you were doing until we confronted him about it earlier today and asked him point blank."

"Then how…?"

The girls and Makarov glanced at each other again and shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, we already suspected that maybe you were more upset than you let on," Cana said. "But we didn't really realize how bad it was. You did a damn good job of fooling us." She smiled a little, although it was melancholy. "I guess we're the ones who should feel like jerks now, huh? We didn't realize how much you were hurting until something else made us look at you closer."

Natsu recognized the reference to his earlier conversation with Cana when he had rescued her from the creep in that shady bar. He was glad that she actually had remembered what they had talked about once she was sober, but something else caught his attention.

"What do you mean, until 'something else' made you look closer?" he asked, partly suspicious and partly bewildered.

Makarov sighed. "You weren't the only one who got some final instructions," he said flatly.

Natsu stared at him numbly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that Gray left us a letter too," Makarov clarified, his gaze sliding away from Natsu's face as if he was ashamed. "The morning of the battle, he gave me two letters. One was addressed to you, and I gave it to you the day after. The other one was addressed to me, although apparently I was meant to share its contents with the rest of Fairy Tail as well.

"I suppose it was rather hypocritical of me not to open it, especially after I asked you to find the courage to open the letter he left you. But…I was afraid, I suppose, and I felt too guilty to even consider reading it. I ignored it and pushed it out of my mind for months. I had almost forgotten about it when you came and talked to me a few days ago. After our talk, I finally opened that letter and read it."

Natsu's mind was still reeling in shock. There had been another letter? "What…What did it say?" he asked slowly, finding it difficult to force the words past his numb and leaden lips.

The master seemed to collect his thoughts for a moment before sighing again. "It said a lot of things, but a good portion of it revolved around you."

"Around me," Natsu repeated dumbly.

Makarov nodded in confirmation. "After he asked you to look after everyone else, did you really think that he forgot about you? He knew that you would be hurting just as much as the rest of us, even though he asked you to stay strong to take care of us while we grieved. He knew that you would be too busy taking care of us to really take care of yourself, and he knew that you would need someone to comfort you just as much as we needed you to comfort us. You might have fooled us into thinking that you were doing alright, but you didn't fool him."

Natsu's heart twisted more and more as he listened to Makarov's words, but at the final statement, he couldn't help but let out a strangled laugh as he recalled the note Gray had left for him at the top of Lyon's letter.

"No, I never could fool him," he said wistfully. "He could sometimes hide things from me, but he could read me like a book."

"Juvia thinks that Gray-sama was like that with most people," Juvia replied solemnly, speaking for the first time. Her eyes were still filled with grief, but her voice was steady. "Gray-sama understood people much more than they understood him, and he tried to help them understand themselves better too."

Natsu bowed his head, recognizing the truth in the water mage's words.

"She's right," Lucy agreed quietly. "If there was one thing Gray taught me, and perhaps tried to teach the rest of us, it's that we all have something valuable to offer and that we're always stronger as a team. But most of all, you're stronger than you think you are. Even when you feel weak, you're stronger than you realize."

"But just because you're stronger than you think," Erza continued without missing a beat, "doesn't mean that you always have to be so strong. You don't have to pretend to be stronger than you are and you shouldn't have to hide your pain and troubles from your friends. You shouldn't have to cry alone—to be alone. You should be able to share your pain with your friends and let them help you."

"It is important that Natsu-san recognizes that he is not alone," Juvia added, her eyes filling with tears. "Gray-sama wanted us to learn how to live without him, even though it's hard. He told Juvia to learn to rely on her other friends as well as him, so that she would still have something to live for once he was gone. It's like Natsu-san said—we are all looking for a new way to live, but we don't have to do it alone. Natsu-san should let his friends help him find a new way to stop his tears, so that they can all find a way to move on. Together."

"And in order to be able to move on, you have to stop running away," Cana said, fixing Natsu with her serious gaze. "You can't just hide from your problems and hope that they'll go away. They won't. At some point you have to stop running and face reality, face your problems head on. You shouldn't have to resist reality so much that you end up destroying yourself. Eventually, you'll have to learn how to ask for help so that you can find a way to let go."

"Letting go won't be easy, of course," Makarov continued with a sigh. "In order to be able to truly move on, you'll need to find a way to let go of some of your guilt." The master stared at Natsu meaningfully, his eyes tired and old. "You'll have to let go of your guilt for the things that weren't your fault so that you can start picking up the pieces and rebuilding your life. There will always be other people who rely on you, and you'll have to find a way to stay strong so that you can help them and yourself. We are a guild, and we all depend upon each other. One person's weakness will be overcome through another's strength. Rebuilding everything is a daunting task, but we have each other to rely on."

Happy squirmed in Natsu's arms, and looked up at the dragon slayer reproachfully. "You don't have to shut us out or pretend to be fine when you're obviously not," he chided gently. "We're still here, and we're your friends too. We want to help you the same way that you helped us. You'll always have us. Don't forget that."

Natsu's wide-eyed gaze traveled around the semicircle of people before him and the cat in his arms. Their expressions ranged from melancholy to determined to understanding, and he felt a surge of affection for these people. He could hear how they had each taken the thing both he and Gray had tried to make them understand the most, and seamlessly combined them into one solid network of advice. The things he and Gray had told to each of them individually had been tailored for their specific needs and problems and insecurities, but everyone had come together and united it all into a single meaningful philosophy that could serve as the foundation of their future.

Gray would have been proud.

The silence stretched on a beat too long, so Happy spoke again, his eyes softening despite the sadness they held. "Come back, Natsu," the Exceed said softly. "We miss you. You've been so busy hiding your true thoughts and feelings from us, and so absorbed in your own pain since you wouldn't let us help, that it feels like we haven't seen you in forever. We want you. We want the real you, not the façade you keep putting up. Let us in so that we can face this together."

Natsu's eyes filled with tears again, and he hugged the little cat closer to his chest. "I miss you too," he managed to choke out.

And he finally let himself break down and sob in front of the others, so that they could see him for what he was. He didn't worry about hiding his pain or being strong for them, because it was their turn to be strong for him.

He cried and let his friends hug him and whisper comforting words in his ear. He cried for a long time, until the sunlight outside began to fade and the light filtering through the shaft in the ceiling mellowed out to the duller glow of dusk. Natsu sniffed and rubbed at his eyes, absently musing that it looked like his journey had turned into an overnight trip after all.

"Are you ready to go?" Lucy asked gently.

Natsu didn't answer immediately. His crying had left him feeling exhausted and hollow, and he knew that he had been here long enough. He had said what he needed to say, cried all he needed to cry, and received all the comfort he needed to receive. He had never intended to stay here for more than a few minutes because it hurt too much, seeing Gray like this. He ached to leave because staying here was torture.

However…Natsu found that he couldn't make himself go. Being here hurt too much, but leaving would be like admitting defeat. Like admitting that Gray was well and truly gone. Leaving would be like a tragic ending that Natsu didn't want to face. He was afraid that once he left this chamber, he would never be able to feel Gray again. He didn't want to leave without his best friend. He didn't want to leave Gray behind.

He stood still with a troubled look on his face, torn by indecision. "Yeah," he said finally, his voice still rough and hoarse from the tears he had shed. "We should go." He hesitated a moment. "Why don't you all go on ahead? I'll be out in just a minute."

The others exchanged looks, a hint of worry returning to their eyes, but they seemed to quickly come to a consensus.

Makarov nodded slowly. "Alright," he agreed. "We'll wait for you outside then."

Happy jumped down from Natsu's arms and gave his companion an understanding look. "Take all the time you need," the Exceed said. "We'll wait."

The others nodded and slowly filed out of the chamber, into the dark passageway beyond. Natsu let out a breath as they disappeared from sight, and turned back to face the towering structure of ice encasing the demon. As the light had begun to fade, the crystalline ice had lost some of its dazzling splendor but none of its tragic charm. The softer light still glinted off it, so although the structure was no longer stunning in its brilliance, it retained a soft glow that was slowly fading with the sun. It was still beautiful, but it was a fading beauty that felt like the last echo of a whispered farewell.

Natsu swallowed thickly and slowly approached it once more. He stopped just in front of it and stared at it blankly.

"Gray," he whispered hoarsely.

Ever so slowly, he raised his hand and reached toward the ice with trembling fingers. His hand hesitated in midair for a second before he allowed his shaking fingers to brush against the ice. He was afraid of the finality of that touch, of the coldness and emptiness he would feel, but he was surprised.

The ice was cool to the touch, but it seemed to radiate a gentle kind of warmth as well. It seemed to whisper soundless words of comfort and farewell. It felt like Gray.

Natsu gasped and withdrew his hand. He stared at the ice in shock, his mind churning frantically. That warmth, that edge of fierce protectiveness and determination, that silent goodbye—it was all Gray. This whole time Natsu had assumed that Gray was gone and felt nothing and was aware of nothing. To some extent, that had to be true. And yet…It seemed that some part of Gray lingered here. It was like he wasn't completely gone.

Natsu found himself crying soundlessly again. He recalled one of the lines from the letter Gray had left him:

"I'm sorry I won't be there to call you names and get into fistfights and go on missions and stand by you when you need me, but damn, Natsu, I'll always be a part of Fairy Tail. You probably don't understand exactly what I mean by that yet, but I think that you will, one day."

The corners of his lips twitched upwards in a melancholy half-smile, the tears still streaming down his face. No, he hadn't really understood what Gray had meant, but he thought that he might be beginning to. Gray was gone, but some part of him remained. Perhaps a piece of him stayed in the ice, but an even bigger part remained in Fairy Tail, in their hearts. When Natsu left this cave he would be leaving a chunk of ice, but he would bring part of Gray with him.

It still wasn't enough and this revelation wouldn't magically make Natsu happy again, but it was a start. Gray wouldn't be able to fight with them and grow with them, but some piece of him would be beside them all the way. Natsu supposed he shouldn't be so surprised. Wasn't that what Gray had been trying to say when he made his last gesture before sealing the demon? After all, the meaning of the Fairy Tail sign was that "even if I can't see you...no matter how far away you may be...I will always be watching you."

He let out a half-sob, half-laugh. This journey had been for closure. It had been meant to be an ending of sorts, but it had been a beginning as well.

He backed away towards the mouth of the corridor behind him, keeping his eyes fixed on the ice. As he took his first step into the corridor beyond, he paused for a heartbeat.

"I understand, Gray," he whispered, his soft words echoing quietly through the silent chamber. "Goodbye. Goodbye and hello."

Then he turned and walked away, out to the world beyond where all the rest of his friends waited, where he was not alone and never had been.

Natsu stood before the doors of the guild. Happy remained silent beside him, sensing that his friend needed a moment to collect himself. Natsu and the others had just gotten back from their trip to visit Gray the day before, and this was the first time Natsu would see them after his previous breakdown. It was an odd feeling, knowing that everyone was now aware of his real mental state.

But at the same time, the passage of time and the visit to Gray's cave had provided some healing for his heart. He was no longer on the verge of breaking out into sobs at any moment. He wasn't in denial about Gray's death, and he wasn't unnaturally angry or numb. The visit had given him some closure, and knowing that he no longer had to pretend to be stronger than he really was for his friends was like a weight off his chest. Having to hide his emotions and thoughts had been difficult and exhausting, and Natsu wondered if that was how Gray had felt before his death.

He exhaled slowly. His denial had been replaced by the acceptance of the hand fate had dealt them, no matter how cruel it might be. Yes, Gray was dead. Natsu had to accept that. Of course, that didn't magically make everything alright. He was still sad and hurt, and he still harbored some ill feelings towards Jii-chan and the demon and the world for what had happened. But now he could be sure that he was recovering slowly but surely, and it was a start. Things would never be the same as they had been and Fairy Tail would be a darker place without Gray, but life would go on and Natsu had to accept that.

Yes, life would go on. Thinking about the future had been rather depressing these past few months, but now Natsu felt the tiniest spark of hope as he considered it. This wasn't the same kind of illogical and wholly unhealthy hope he had occasionally felt in the wake of Gray's death, but something else entirely. It came from the knowledge that even though he would never completely get over this tragedy or be the same as he was before, good things would still come along with the bad, and Natsu would still have his other friends to live on with. It wouldn't be the same, but it would have to be enough.

Natsu hoped that one day he and his friends would be completely alright again. He hoped that they would all grow together and remain close in the future. He hoped that there would come a day when Gray's absence wasn't the first thing on his mind when he woke up and the last thing he was thinking of when he fell asleep. He hoped that the future would be brighter and that he would be able to regain his childlike wonder and cheerfulness towards the world. He hoped a lot of things.

It still hurt thinking about a future without Gray, and it hurt even more hoping about a future without him. It felt almost like a betrayal, like Natsu shouldn't be hoping for good things when Gray wouldn't be there to share in them as well. However, Natsu logically understood that Gray would want him to hope and live again, and one day he hoped that his heart would understand that as well. Natsu still felt like he was trapped in a dark, depressing place, but instead of simply wallowing in his misery, he had begun to look for even the faintest of silver linings.

"Are you ready to go in?" Happy asked finally, interrupting Natsu's musings. The Exceed peered up at him uncertainly, trying to gauge his friend's mood. Natsu hesitated.

Hope wouldn't do him much good if he didn't act on it, and it would eventually wither away if he didn't cultivate it. It would be a terrible thing if he lost it just as soon as he had found it again.

"Yes," he said after a moment. "I am."

The little cat smiled in relief as Natsu pushed the doors open to see all his guildmates within. Giving the room a quick once-over, Natsu easily found his friends as they sat around one of the tables, talking and occasionally laughing.

"Hey, Natsu!" Lucy called, turning at the sound of the opening doors and noticing him standing outside. She waved him over. "Come on in!"

Erza twisted around in her seat to give him a smile as well, and even Juvia waved at him halfheartedly from where she was sitting with Gajeel. Cana grinned over at him, and he noticed with some surprise that she actually appeared to be sober. Jii-chan was standing nearby, and gave him a sad half-smile. Natsu tried to push down the instinctive feeling of betrayal and anger that stabbed at his heart when he saw the master. He wasn't sure that would ever completely go away, but he hoped that it would eventually fade.

Happy walked a few paces into the hall and then turned to look back at Natsu. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Natsu considered it for a few seconds. "Yeah," he said finally. "I think I will be."

He hoped so, anyway.

He realized that now, as he stood on the threshold, he had a choice. He could choose to turn around and walk right back out to spend the day grieving in his own home. He could decide to remain in mourning for the rest of his life, the future be damned. It was tempting, to be certain. But he could also choose to walk inside and sit down with his friends and live on with them. He could decide to look towards the future and nurture the hope that someday things would get better again. He could choose to move on.

So, with a deep breath and a renewed sense of determination, Natsu took the first step forward.

Note: It's so bittersweet x.x Sorry, but it didn't seem right to end it on an overly happy note. Kind of hard to ignore all the pain and grief that everyone must still harbor, but I think it's nice to show that they've at least started to recover and move on. We're almost at the end now! Well, this kind of is an end, but so is the epilogue. I think I'm just being confusing now, ha ha.