"Epilogue"-The Beginning & The End

Jii-chan and Everyone,

I know that this is addressed to you, Jii-chan, but it's really for the rest of Fairy Tail as well, excluding Natsu. I don't think I have much time, so I'll try to make this brief.

Fairy Tail has been a family to me and you guys have helped me through a lot of things. Every one of you has helped me in some way, and I don't regret having the opportunity to help you as well. You are all very important to me, and I hope you know that. I've never been good with words and all this mushy stuff has always been rather uncomfortable for me, so I'm not going to go into too much detail here. Lucy, Erza, Juvia, Cana, Jii-chan…I made sure to have a last serious conversation with you, so I just have to hope that that was enough.

I managed to talk with Natsu as well, but I didn't get to say the things I needed to say to him—that's why I wrote him a separate letter. I asked him to do a few favors for me as well, and now I'm going to beg a favor of you guys too. The things I asked of Natsu will be a kind of double-edged sword. They'll give him something to do in order to distract him and give him a sense of purpose and meaning. On the other hand, they will also be very difficult for him and they'll put him under a great deal of emotional strain.

So, what I want to ask you to do is to look after Natsu. I know that we fought a lot, but we're very close friends and he'll be hurting a lot more than he lets on. He's never been good at emotional stuff either. When he's upset or hurting he's much more likely to start a fight than seek out comfort. That's just the way he is, and that's how our friendship has always operated.

In addition to anger, the other way he copes with heartache is a determination to get stronger in order to protect his friends. I suppose that we're similar in that way, and that may be one of the reasons we understand each other so well. But trust me, I can guarantee that he'll end up pretending to be stronger than he is. That's partially because he hates showing any kind of weakness and partially because he'll feel obligated to stay strong in order to help you guys. Don't let him fool you. He's going to be a hell of a lot unhappier than you think, and he'll try to hide it from you. And I'm afraid that he'll feel weak because he wasn't able to stop me or the demon. I'm not saying that he is weak though. Natsu is strong both physically and emotionally under normal circumstances, but he isn't going to be as strong as he pretends to be.

I also fear that he'll feel some responsibility for my death because of some things I said when I talked to him last. He might think that he should have realized what I was planning, and I'm sure he'll feel bad that he couldn't stop me. Help him accept that he has nothing to feel guilty for.

Natsu has never been good at dealing with his emotions, so he'll probably try to avoid them instead. He'll try running away from his feelings and perhaps the reality of my absence, and you'll need to find a way to make him face these things head-on so that he can truly heal. He and I have grown to rely on each other quite a bit over the years, and for a while he's going to be feeling a little lost without me. Things are going to be different, and he's going to need to find a way to let me go.

I think that all of you have something you can offer him in regard to these problems, because each of you will struggle with them as well—with some more than others. It has always been Natsu's way to help his friends. I just want to make sure that you remember to help him too. He'll need it as much as you will.

Aside from that, I wish you all the best. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, but I don't regret doing what I needed to do. Make no mistake that this was my choice. Nothing any of you could—or did—say or do would have stopped me once I made that decision. That includes you, Jii-chan. I suspect that you all will have a hard time coming to terms with Jii-chan's plan, but there really isn't any point in blaming him for anything. He wasn't a villain or a traitor. He's just a man who had to make a difficult decision that he felt necessary in order to protect the people he feels responsible for. I can guarantee that he didn't make this decision lightly, and he'll feel even worse about the whole business than you will. Please, keep in mind that I ultimately sacrificed myself because I chose to, not because he or anyone else asked me to. If I thought it was necessary, this is something I would have done regardless of what anyone else thought.

There are a lot of things I could still say to each and every one of you, but I'll have to trust that you've figured them out by now. To be honest, I've said everything I needed to say every single day in different ways and with various words and actions. I hope that you managed to pick up on that, because I've been telling you all how much I love you for years, in my own way. And in return, I know how much you all care about me because you've been saying it too, over the years. We didn't get the chance to say goodbye face-to-face, but honestly, I don't think that we needed to. I already know everything you never came out and said directly. I know. Thank you for that.

I also know that you all will face some dark times ahead, but I also have faith that you'll come out the other side and learn how to move on eventually. I wish that I could be there with you and stand by you every step of the way, but that isn't an option now. However, I believe that some part of me will always reside in Fairy Tail, and that's enough for me. No, Fairy Tail won't be the same without me, but it will continue to be a fantastic place because all of you are still here. Don't throw away all of that just because you lost one person. Losing a friend is terribly sad, but I want you to find a way to be happy again. You guys are strong and I know that you'll eventually recover.

I know that you all have bright futures ahead—don't waste them. I hope that you'll be able to overcome whatever is thrown your way and that you'll find happiness wherever this life takes you. You guys are the best, and I wouldn't trade my time with you for the world. You've been a great family, and I care about you all very deeply. Like I've said, you've helped me a lot over the years. You've helped me a lot more than you'll ever know. So I'd like this opportunity to just come out and say what I mean directly for once: thank you.

When I began writing these letters, it was mostly so that I could say goodbye. But as I've continued to write, I've realized that what I want to say most is actually thank you. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you, for stopping me from self-destructing, for supporting and caring for me. Thank you for being great friends and, ultimately, another family. You all mean the world to me.

Thank you, and goodbye.

-Gray

Gray set down his pen and let out a breath. It was done. His eyes hastily scanned over the words he had written, but he didn't really read them. Perhaps it would be a good idea to read over what he had written and revise the jumble of his thoughts, but the thought of rereading the letter was thoroughly unappealing at the moment. These words were an admission of defeat and an acceptance of the pain he would cause his friends. It was bad enough that he had had to write them at all. He didn't want to read them as well.

With a sigh, he folded the letter neatly and slid it into a waiting envelope. He sealed the envelope and flipped it back over so that he could address it to Makarov. Picking up the pen once more, he winced slightly and flexed his hand in a vain attempt to work out some of the cramping. He had been writing for half the night, after all, and his hand was quite sore. He quickly scrawled 'Jii-chan' across the otherwise pristine surface.

Dropping the pen unceremoniously, Gray stared blankly at the envelope for a few minutes. He still wasn't quite sure how he was feeling about all this. Part of him still felt a little betrayed and hurt. Part of him was frightened of what might happen today. But on the other hand, a large part of him had already come to terms with everything and was fully prepared to do whatever it took to save his friends without regret or hesitation. Part of the time he felt lonely and isolated because he couldn't speak honestly to his friends, and part of the time he felt content in knowing that no matter what happened, Fairy Tail would survive this battle. His attitude and mood had swung back and forth several times over the past few days, but now that the battle was almost upon them, he decided that he was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. He wasn't scared or angry or hurt, just ready.

A drop of water suddenly fell and landed on the envelope's surface, and Gray realized with some surprise that a single tear had dripped down his face. He hurriedly wiped away its residue and smiled a little. Perhaps he wasn't as fully prepared as he would like to think. The tear smudged the 'n' as Gray tried to carefully dry it off the paper, and he briefly considered getting another envelope.

Then he shrugged and decided not to bother. Everyone would most likely assume that he had just spilled water on it if they noticed at all, and he wanted to finally be done with these letters. Besides, his time was just about up.

He glanced across the room, to where the gray predawn light was slowly brightening into day. Everyone would be assembling at the guild soon, and it wouldn't do to be late when there was such an important battle today. Gray smiled wryly and stood, nudging the chair back under his desk with his foot. Before he left, he carefully slid the pen back into place from where it had been abandoned on the wooden surface. He never had been able to stand it when things were out of place in his apartment, and he didn't see why that should change now.

Shrugging on a coat, he picked up the letter addressed to Jii-chan and slid it into a pocket. He was halfway to the door before remembering the other letters. He quickly backtracked and picked up the envelope addressed to Natsu, placing it alongside the other letter. Then he headed for the door, pausing to take one last look back at his apartment before firmly shutting and locking it. The gesture was probably pointless seeing as he was most likely never coming back, but he did it anyway.

Gray walked through the streets of Magnolia towards the guild, his eyes darting back and forth as he took in the city hungrily. It might be the last time he saw it, after all. He wanted to stop himself from being so morbid. After all, there was every chance that Natsu and the others would defeat the demon without having to resort to the backup plan. But in his heart, Gray had the feeling that today was his last day, and he wanted to appreciate it as fully as possible.

At one point he found himself unconsciously slipping out of his coat, and hurriedly pulled it back on. He couldn't lose his clothes today, not as long as those letters were still in the pockets. He planned to give the letters to Jii-chan first thing, but until then he had to focus on keeping his coat on. He feared that if he lost concentration, it would end up somewhere in the streets behind him, letters and all.

He breathed a sigh of relief as the guild came into view, and he hurried up the steps to the entrance. Glancing around, he saw that a few members were already gathered, but he figured that most of them would be trickling in over the next half hour or so.

"Hey, Gray!"

The ice mage turned to see Natsu coming in the door behind him. The dragon slayer smirked at him. "Don't forget about our bet. I have great things planned for you when you lose!"

Gray laughed softly, his lips curling upwards in a half-smile. "Sounds great, flame brain. Concentrate on winning first though. All those plans won't do you any good when I win."

"Yeah right," Natsu scoffed. "I'm totally going to beat you."

"If you say so," Gray replied, injecting just the right note of skepticism into his voice.

In truth, he was rather hoping Natsu would win this one, which was an odd feeling for him since he hated losing. But he would take whatever punishment Natsu dished out, as long as it meant that he'd be around to take it.

"I do," Natsu shot back.

The dragon slayer was about to say something else, but Gray finally spotted Makarov coming out of his office. The ice mage slipped a hand into his coat pocket to feel the envelopes and make sure that they were still there.

"Hey, I'll be right back," he interrupted, giving Natsu one more glance before walking away. "Let me just take care of something real fast."

"Huh? Where are you going?" Natsu asked.

Gray shrugged and didn't respond as he crossed the guild and climbed the stairs to the second story. He could practically feel the dragon slayer's gaze burning into his back for a few seconds before Natsu found someone else to harass.

"Jii-chan."

Makarov turned and winced as he saw Gray. The ice mage schooled his features to remain impassive, as if he hadn't noticed the master's slip up. Every time Makarov had seen or talked to Gray these past few days, he had often reacted unconsciously, wincing or cringing at the sight of the ice mage. The look of guilt and pain in his eyes had been terrible as well. Gray had noticed all of these reactions, but pretended as if he didn't. In truth, they worried him. He didn't think Makarov would take it well if he died. The master was already feeling horrible before the battle had even happened.

"Gray?" Makarov asked. "Can I help you?"

Gray's lips tightened slightly at the wistful and remorseful tone. Yes, Makarov would have a hard time.

"I wrote the letters," the ice mage said quietly, retrieving the envelopes from his pockets and handing them over.

Makarov slowly reached out and took them, his hands trembling slightly. Gray resisted the urge to shake his head. He understood why Jii-chan felt so bad, but that didn't mean that he had to like it.

"If something goes wrong, give that one to Natsu right away. The other is for you to take care of."

Makarov swallowed hard and stared at the envelopes in his hand for a moment before sliding them into a pocket of his own. "Alright. I can do that." He hesitated. "Are you…alright?"

The ice mage considered it. At the moment he thought he was. On some level he probably wasn't, but it was also true that he was ready in a very real way as well. It was something of a paradox.

"I'm fine," he said with a half-smile, hoping to assuage the older man's concerns.

Makarov didn't look any more comfortable, and Gray withheld a sigh.

"Gray…You don't have to do this," Makarov burst out suddenly, his eyes filled with pain and regret.

The ice mage felt his heart twist, knowing that the man he had looked up to as a grandfather and master was going to bear this guilt for the rest of his life. Bu he couldn't say that he was surprised. He had been expecting Makarov to try backing out at the last second. He wasn't sure the older man would be able to go through with it.

In truth, it didn't matter whether he could or not—it was ultimately Gray's choice. Gray was the one who would decide what happened today, and that knowledge made him feel less used and more independent. He knew that he didn't have to go through with this plan even if Fairy Tail did fall, but it was still his choice to make.

"I know," he said gently, smiling at Makarov as he turned away and started back down the stairs. He thought he glimpsed the other mage's eyes cloud over with tears before he spun around, but he kept walking. There wasn't much more he could do for Jii-chan right now.

Gray reached the first floor and walked over to where the rest of the team had assembled. He sat down across from Natsu and next to Erza, letting their chatter wash over him as he watched them fondly. As Lucy complained about yet another problem Natsu had caused, Gray tried and failed to stifle a yawn. Erza noticed and glanced over with a raised eyebrow.

"Didn't sleep well?" she asked. "You went home early enough."

Gray just shrugged, unwilling to tell her that he hadn't bothered going to sleep at all last night. He had spent most of the night writing letters, occasionally taking breaks to pace about his apartment and mull over his thoughts. Most of those thoughts had concerned his friends and how they would take his death if he used iced shell today, and he idly wondered if it was time to start worrying about himself instead. It seemed like the natural thing to do, but he shrugged it off. He had spent most of his life worrying about other people, and he didn't see any reason to try changing that now.

"No, I didn't sleep well," Gray replied. It was technically true, in word if not in spirit.

Natsu looked over and smirked. "Why? You that scared?" he taunted.

Gray laughed quietly, startling Natsu, who had been expecting an angrier response. It was ironic, really. Gray had more reason than any of them to be terrified, but he wasn't all that frightened right now. Sure he was tense and afraid on some level, but he had mostly worked through that already.

"In your dreams, squinty eyes," he answered in amusement, his lips twitching upwards.

Natsu studied him, his eyes bewildered, and Gray had to fight the urge to laugh at the puzzled look on his face. Then the dragon slayer suddenly leaned across the table and pressed his hand against Gray's forehead.

"Are you sick or something, ice block?"

Gray snorted and leaned backwards, away from the offending hand. "Hardly. Keep your hands to yourself," he said, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Well excuse me," Natsu huffed back, retreating to his side of the table once more. "I was just trying to–Ow!"

He broke off as Lucy whacked him lightly over the head.

"Be nice, Natsu!" the blonde admonished. "Do you really think he wants you touching him? Your hands could probably burn him."

"Hey!" the dragon slayer protested. "I was being nice!"

Gray shook with silent laughter as Lucy and Natsu bickered back and forth. He hid a smile as he watched his friends. They really were the best, however silly they could be. He didn't want to even think about having to leave them.

Just then, Makarov called for their attention. "It's time," was all the master said, but it immediately brought silence to the room.

The various conversations and fights died down, and everyone stood up and began heading out of the guild. Gray felt his mirth drain away and repressed a sigh. Pushing himself to his feet, he raised an eyebrow at his friends.

"Coming?" he asked.

"Of course!" Natsu shot back. "I still have to win our bet!"

I hope so, Natsu. I hope so.

Gray said nothing, just shrugged and walked out of the guild. Time seemed to pass in a blur as the mages got into battle formations and waited for the demon. And then there it was, the demon that was causing them so much trouble. Gray eyed his adversary briefly, his heartrate speeding up as he realized that the time had come.

He stuck around for the first few minutes of the fight before surreptitiously extracting himself. Melting into the background, he watched the battle critically, waiting for any sign of Fairy Tail's impending defeat. He would have to time this perfectly. He occasionally launched some magic attacks of his own, but mostly bided his time, knowing that it was imperative that he keep enough of his magic in reserve that he could easily perform iced shell if he needed to.

A nauseous feeling curled in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't so much fear as a result of all the tension and anxiety of the waiting. For days Gray had been in a sort of limbo, unsure of whether he would live or die. Now that the deciding moment was approaching, he was scared, but mostly relieved. He was relieved that the waiting game was over and he would finally get his answer. At this point, the specifics of that answer mattered less than the closure of simply getting it.

And then Gray finally sensed the time of action. He had waited until the very last moment, giving Fairy Tail every chance to turn this one-sided fight around, but he was forced to admit that his guildmates were out of magic and out of hope. He didn't think that even Natsu could pull off a win at this point.

Gray swallowed thickly as he considered his next move. All he had to do now was walk out there and face the demon. If anyone tried to stop him he could throw up a wall, and then he just had to cast iced shell. The demon wasn't even that far away. Gray just had to walk several feet in a straight line. If only he could make his feet move.

His breathing sounded heavy and harsh in his own ears as he worked up the courage to move. This was it, but he was temporarily paralyzed by the thought of all he was about to throw away. He would be throwing away his life, his friends, his family. He wouldn't be able to be with the people he loved anymore. Not Natsu or Erza or Lucy or Cana, or even Juvia. Not Lyon either, and Gray felt terrible that he hadn't been able to see his adoptive brother before he died.

If he did this, his friends would feel all the pain he had felt when Ur had sacrificed herself for him with this same spell. His heart clenched at the thought of his former master. He wondered what she would think if she could see him now—if she would be proud that he could find the courage to save his friends at the cost of his own life, or disappointed that he was throwing his life away. But he realized that he couldn't really think of it as throwing his life away. That made it sound like he was dying needlessly, for no real reason. If he could save his friends, that made his death worthwhile.

He thought back to when Natsu had stopped him from using iced shell for the first time, back on Galuna Island. Natsu had asked him when finishing a fight had meant dying. He had said that dying was just running away. Gray smiled sadly. He had always been a fighter, but now he realized that there was a time to fight and a time to run. He should choose his battles wisely. So, was this a battle worth fighting? If he couldn't win this battle with a straight up fight, was it worth running and dying to win?

He realized that now, as he stood on the threshold, he had a choice. He could choose to turn around and walk away and abandon his friends. He could decide to sit back and watch what happened next, the future be damned. It was tempting, to be certain. But he could also choose to walk out there and stand by his friends and sacrifice himself to save them. He could decide to look towards their future instead of his, and nurture the hope that they would live on and someday recover from what he had done. He could choose to let go.

So, with a deep breath and a renewed sense of determination, Gray took the first step forward.

Note: Well, this is the end of this verse. I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was sad. Thanks to those of you who managed to survive the entire thing : )