Dan shed of his coat and shoes and then flopped on the sofa next to Phil. He laid his legs on his lap which he instantly took in his care. Phil started rubbing his calves gently and released a sigh from Dan. He was in a state of contemplating about everything and being pretty confused about it all. His brows were knitted together as he gazed down at his black denim covered legs without seeing anything. Phil felt this tension from Dan and dragged his eyes from the television to him.
"What's wrong, Dan?" he asked wishing to see his eyes. By them he could tell what was bothering Dan almost always. He put his hand over Dan's and squeezed gently and so Dan lifted his gaze to him.
"Is it something you talked about in therapy?" Phil inquired as Dan had just came from there. The boy nodded slowly and his hair hung over his eyes, hiding them as he lowered his head once again. Phil took his hand to his chin to lift it back up again. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly. He turned off the volume from the TV so they could properly talk. Dan pressed his head against the warm hand on his cheek and looked up to the oceans in Phil's eyes.
"She said that if I really wanted to get better, then I would really need to change", he said quietly. He hugged himself and curled into Phil's side slightly. Phil looked at him in bit of a irresolute and stayed quiet quite a while.
"I mean, I'm not happy about myself now, as much as you have helped me to see myself, but also then I've also realised it's not about just being 'thin'. It's just about not being happy about myself. And I know I need to work on that. And if I just changed, then at least I would be healthier even if I wasn't happy about myself even then", he explained. He climbed on Phil's lap carefully and looked down to his hands on his own lap.
"And God, the thought of having to go through that already makes me sick, but maybe then it would be easier to come to some realisation about myself. And everyone else is telling me to gain some weight that I wouldn't be so ill", he said shaking his head. Then he looked up to Phil's lips, looking slightly scared. "Except you", he finished quietly.
Phil stayed still in shock, his hands stiff on Dan's hard hips. Ice ran through his veins leaving him in fire.
"No...", he only managed to say at first. He shook his head feverishly and then attacked Dan's lips without thinking about it. Hard and desperately.
"No, Dan. I just didn't want to pressure you to do something you didn't want to do. I only wanted you to be happy and if I let you do what you wanted, then you could be happy. But now I realised that that isn't how it is", Phil said looking into the brown orbs, desperate for Dan to understand everything. So that he wouldn't think Phil just wanted him to look a certain way. Maybe he fancied thin guys, but the only one for him was Dan and he loved him the most when he was happy.
"I'm no expert in none of this. I didn't know. I've done a lot of things wrong. I shouldn't have put you through my crazy inventions and ideas. I should have just got you real help from the start. Instead you had to do it all yourself. I wasn't really there for you, and God, I'm so sorry Dan. I'm so sorry." Phil broke into sobs and laid his head on Dan's chest, smearing his shirt with tears. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled, pulled, pulled him closer. Dan returned the embrace the best he could and laid his head on his.
"Phil, you couldn't know. It's alright now. I forgive you all. It's alright, love", he whispered in his ear and stroked his trembling back softly. Small tears escaped his eyes too, but they were almost happy tears. Tears of relief.
The photos were released. Seeing as the magazine was quite big, it was also popular and in no time, someone had found them and a shitstorm approached.
A lot of things had happened lately in the Dan and Phil household. Or more like in the 'interenet-household'. Phan becoming true, Dan's health being speculated and the liveshow where it really got serious, now the photos.
"I need to clear this out. All of this. I can't keep them hanging like this", Dan stated as his phone kept beeping with notifications. "But I'm not going to make a whole video about it. It's nothing like that. I'll do a liveshow and explain this shit as best as I can." Dan turned around to face Phil.
"Will you help me?" he asked pleadingly offering his hand towards him. A sympathetic smile appeared on Phil's face as he took it and walked over to Dan to hug him. "Of course."