Warning: The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!

A/N: Flashbacks are in italics

Chapter 20

"Lieutenant Severide." Doctor Martin, Kelly's physical therapist, called out, his patient glaring absentmindedly at the door of the rehab room. "Lieutenant!"

Severide shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts. "Sorry." He uttered, his voice – hoarse.

"Lieutenant - "

"Kelly."

"Kelly, the muscle weakness you're experiencing is normal for patients who have been in a drug-induced coma for long periods. Doctor Andreas has done a good job preventing full muscle atrophy, but you have to understand rehab will be a long and painful process, okay?"

"Do I have…" Severide paused, taking a second to catch his breath, his compromised lungs still having trouble doing their job properly. "Any other choice?" Andreas had explained that it would take between six months to a year for this pulmonary function to return to normal, if it returned to normal.

"Not really." Doctor Martin smirked. "Lieutenant Casey's doing very well, I am sure you will, too."

"Yeah." Kelly faked a smile.

"So now I need to see what we're dealing with here. I'm going to help you stand up and I want you to hold onto these parallel bars. I'll be right behind you."

Kelly hesitated for a long moment, finding it extremely hard to trust others. The doctor waited patiently, trust something he needed to establish in order to do his job properly. Reluctantly, Severide took Martin's hand, and with his help, managed to stand up, cursing his shaky legs. His free hand landed on the left bar, and a nurse gently moved his legs forward. Doctor Martin positioned Severide's other hand on the right bar, then very slowly released his grip.

Kelly's muscles were weak, very weak. He had no idea how much weight he had lost, and he didn't really care, but everyone just kept reminding him how skinny he was.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good." It was a lie, the uncertainty in Severide's voice betraying him.

"We can stop - "

"I'm…fine!"

"Alright. Let's see if you can take a few steps now…let's say three."

Severide hadn't anticipated how hard walking could be up until that point, but he wanted to do it, needed to do it. When his right foot left the ground, he lost balance. As promised, the doctor was there to catch him. Soon after, Kelly's foot finally landed a few inches ahead and his left one joined it.

Kelly struggled with the second step even more, the Doctor's firm grip being the only thing stopping him from falling over.

"Did you and Matt take a course in stubbornness together or it is just a requirement for the Academy?"

The joke was intended to lighten the mood, but instead Kelly froze, braking out in cold sweat. Sharp pain moved from his temples to his brain, making him close his eyes.

"Kelly Severide, Matthew Casey, welcome to Firehouse Fifty-One!" The Chief at that time greeted them cheerfully. Kelly shot a brief glance at Boden, the Lieutenant of Squad 3, determined to work his ass off to win a place there.

"Mouch?" Matt looked at Randy amused and young Christopher chuckled.

"Half man, half couch."

"Hey I'm Herrmann, Christopher."

Images kept flashing through Kelly's mind, voices accompanying them. Severide opened his mouth to scream, but no sound escaped his dry lips.

"Joe Cruz…Dawson…Brian - "

"Kelly, you with me?" Doctor Martin asked firmly, the nurse helping him to position Severide back in the wheelchair.

"Leslie Shay." Shay smiled brightly and he smiled back.

Kelly opened his mouth to say something but suddenly, he was inside the warehouse where it had all happened, chaos around him.

"Any eyes on Dawson or Shay, I can't reach them?" Boden radioed and Kelly's heart skipped a beat.

He ran down the stairs, Casey following him. His eyes fell on Shay's lifeless body…he tried bringing her back to life, Dawson did, too, but his girl was gone. "No…no…no ". Casey and Mouch took her warm body away and then time stopped, his entire world fell apart.

"Lieutenant! You remembered anything?"

Kelly managed a nod, finding it hard to distinguish reality from memories, feeling as if his head was going to explode.

Xxx

The next time Kelly opened his eyes the dull pain was gone, gone was even the persistent chest pain that had been accompanying his every breath. He looked around in confusion, noticing that it was already dark outside, meaning he had been unconscious for hours, painkillers probably still flooding his system. His eyes rested upon Casey and Doctor Andreas, Matt's concern evident.

"What…happened?!" Kelly uttered, forcing his brain to work again.

"Doctor Martin got you here unresponsive, severe headache." Andreas explained. "We gave you painkillers and did a CT scan, everything looks fine. Ran a few other tests, the results should be here soon."

"Told you physiotherapy's torture." Matt snickered, understanding all too well there was nothing funny in the situation.

"I…" Kelly hesitated, Casey encouraging him to continue. "Names…faces…everything just rushed… into my head." Severide turned his head around, glancing through the window…it was dark outside, dark was his whole world.

Before Andreas could say anything else, his pager beeped. "The results are ready. Will be back in a few."

When the door closed behind the doctor, Casey glanced at Severide. Kelly was trying to hide behind a brave façade, his glassy eyes betraying him.

"You remembered anything else?" Matt pressed.

"Matt - "

"Shay?" Casey ventured a guess, the grimace on his friend's face telling him it had been correct.

Kelly clenched his jaw, thinking of her bringing more of the painful memories back. He managed to stop the flood of flashbacks, concentrating on the present. "Remembered…the explosion. We tried to save her…but she was…gone."

Casey sighed, the sight of Kelly and Gabby fighting for Shay's life still disturbing his sleep from time to time. "She didn't suffer." He had no idea what other words of comfort to offer.

Kelly nodded, his eyes darting around the room, his demons taking advantage of his weakness, making him wonder what it would have been if she hadn't died, if she had been a step to the left when the beam had come down…

"Anything else? Hadley, Spellman?" Casey pushed further.

Severide just shook his head for a no in frustration.

"You will - "

"When?!" Kelly raised his voice, regretting it when a violent cough followed.

Pushing his physical pain away, Casey jumped off his seat and helped his friend to a sitting position. "Easy." Matt instructed. He poured water from the jar next to him into a glass and held it in front of Severide's face as he took a small sip. It brought relief to Kelly's throat and he finally managed to concentrate on his breathing, getting it under control a few seconds later.

"I know what it's like, okay?" Matt retorted, abandoning the glass on the small table. "It takes time."

"I'm sick…of waiting, Casey! Can't do anything…but…sit on my ass…and wonder what - "

Matt had the feeling that whatever he said, it was going to be wrong. Since the small welcome home party for Herrmann, Kelly had been eager to get back on his feet and out of that hospital, motivated to rebuild his life once again. But everything was happening so slowly, too slowly. The doctors were talking about months and months of rehab and tests, constantly reminding him how slim the chances for a full recovery were. The statistics were slowly crushing Severide's spirit.

Their dead-end talk ended when Doctor Andreas returned, Erin following him. She stopped near the bed, her worried eyes studying the tormented expression on Kelly's face.

"Can't leave you for a moment…" Lindsay's voice trailed off, masking the guilt she was feeling for not being there. Voight had given her time off, but Antonio had called her, literally begging her to cover for him for a few hours, his son having troubles at school.

"I'm fine." Kelly forced a smile, the look of love in her eyes warming the cockles of his heart.

"The test results are encouraging" Andreas confirmed, that being his positive way of saying that the results weren't worse than the previous round.

"Yeah?" Kelly raised his eyebrows, the glimpse of hope in his eyes unmistakable.

"I know you're eager to get out of here." Andreas smirked when his statement was met by a firm nod. "If we manage to get you standing on your feet in the next couple of days, we can arrange for you to go home. We'll give you a portable oxygen tank and a mask, in case you experience shortness of breath."

"Okay."

"But," Andreas raised his voice, shooting a glance at Matt. "You'll be coming here for physiotherapy and tests every day. Which means that I need to know there will be someone to take care of you and drive you here. As much as I respect the friendship thing between you two," Andreas looked at Casey again. "Lieutenant Casey's dealing with serious injuries himself."

Matt didn't respond immediately, debating with himself whether to admit that the doctor was right…he could barely move around unaided, Gabby having to look after him.

"Move in with me." Lindsay broke the silence.

"I…don't – "

"Nadia got her own place, and I've not taken time off in years. They will survive without me for a while."

Even in his teen years when he'd been left completely alone, Kelly had refused to be dependent on others, always securing a roof over his head, finding ways to earn enough to get him through the hard times. But in that moment he felt like a dead weight, powerless to do anything, having to rely on others even for the simplest things.

"We'll get through this together." Lindsay whispered as if she had read his mind.

Severide had no other choice but to nod in agreement. As much as he loved the idea of living with the gorgeous detective, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was just a burden, unable to offer her anything in return.

Xxx

The next physiotherapy session went a tiny bit better, Doctor Martin familiarizing Kelly with a long list of things they had to work on. Enduring exercises to increase breathing and lung strength were on top of that list, followed by a range of muscle strengthening, balance and coordination exercises which were supposed to get Severide back on his own two feet. Only then they could start working on ambulation – walking on level surfaces first, then eventually progressing to climbing steps.

In the next session, Kelly actually got to do an exercise on the vertical bars. He had to shift his weight between the right and left legs in a swaying motion for five minutes, but after the second, all of his energy was drained. He kept going for two more minutes until his vision became blurry, his lungs out of air. He was grateful Doctor Martin was standing right behind him...

When the session was over and Kelly was back in the wheelchair, he felt like a dead weight once again. He was trying not to think about the timeline the doctor had given him. But somehow he couldn't focus on anything else while a nurse was pushed his wheelchair toward his room, Matt walking behind them, holding on a walking frame. Seconds later, Severide's mind dwelled on his future, his firefighting career and the level of physical fitness required to do the job.

"So, the parallel bars, huh?" Casey had no idea what else to say.

"Feel like a…damn invalid!" Kelly murmured, unable to keep his thoughts private any longer.

"Tell me about it. Spent a week picking up pens off the floor." Matt huffed, remembering the ridiculous exercises for balance. The nurse opened the door of Kelly's room and Casey followed them inside.

Five minutes later Kelly was back in bed, his exasperation evident. He was beyond exhausted, but what he really wanted was to get up and take a few steps on his own...he just needed to prove himself he could do it, prove himself that the monsters hadn't ruined his entire life to a point where there was no way to fix it…He couldn't do that. Scared to voice his heavy thoughts, he rested his eyes on Casey who was leaning in his chair.

"Don't you think it's time you talked to a psychiatrist?" Matt suggested some time later. Even though Casey had been discharged, he had to do his physiotherapy every day just before Kelly's. Then he always spent the rest of the day with his friend, Dawson picking him up in the evening. She, too, had taken a month off to look after him, the rest of Fifty-One returning to full duty, new faces filling in for the missing people on Truck, Clarke leading Squad.

An angry growl escaped Kelly's lips and it looked like he was fighting with his inner self over Casey's suggestion. It was something he had to do if he wanted things to get better, if he wanted a future for himself, a future with a certain detective…

"Shaw's already called Erin twice." Matt added as a reminder that there was a very real court order for his fellow Lieutenant to meet the psychiatrist on a weekly basis. "He can meet you wherever - "

"Okay." Kelly cut his friend off icily, afraid he might change his mind. "You too."

Matt raised his eyebrows in confusion, the look in Kelly's eyes somehow challenging. "Huh?"

"You're not…fooling anyone." Severide rasped out. "You have to...talk to somebody."

Casey's entire body tensed up. "Can't sleep well." He confessed, his head dropping in his hands. He looked up a moment later, meeting Kelly's concern eyes. "Keep seeing Hadley and that smell of chlorine's just following me…Damn it I was terrified!" Matt balled up his fist but stopped himself from slamming it against the small table. "Keep thinking Spellman would get out and come here, and…and do something bad to you."

"Not…happening." Kelly murmured, finding it hard to believe it himself. "Talk to…Shaw."

Matt nodded, his body relaxing in the chair once again. "I'll give him a call."

Xxx

It was five whole days later when Doctor Andreas finally discharged Kelly, handing him an impressive list of written instructions. Benny and Erin took him home, together with a portable oxygen tank and a mask, accompanied by their own manual. Lindsay made sure to write down the dates and times she had to drive Kelly to and from the hospital, for his physiotherapy and all other tests that had to be done every few days…on top of it all, she had already marked the day and time Doctor Show was going to visit their home in her calendar. He had been delighted to finally hear from Matt, quite happy to have the first few session at Lindsay's place, until Severide was fit enough to visit his office…Casey was meeting him a day later.

"Casey and Boden already brought your stuff over." Erin broke the silence in the car, Benny turning left onto Lindsay's street.

With Matt still too weak to pack suitcases and lift heavy items, Boden had volunteered to do it, the two of them now finishing unpacking at Erin's, preparing everything for Kelly's arrival.

Even though Kelly could stand upright for about a minute, getting him to Lindsay's spare bedroom was a bit of a struggle. Erin couldn't help it but wonder how she was going to manage on her own, grateful Benny had offered to sleep on her couch for a few days…maybe it was his way to make up for all the times he had been far away when Kelly had needed him, maybe it was just pure father's love, but yeah, Lindsay appreciated his help.

Three hours later, Boden finally persuaded Casey to leave and get some rest, Chief having to drive him home. Matt promised to stop by before his physiotherapy on the next day. Minutes later, after finding nothing but mouldy ham and cheese in Erin's fridge, Benny headed for the nearest supermarket.

Lindsay was exhausted, but she made her way to the bedroom that had once been Nadia's, stopped at the door and watched Kelly glaring at the small calendar Andres had given him, all important events, test, consultations with specialists marked on it…But Severide wasn't trying to memorize when and where he had to be, he was staring at one specific date, May 13th, the day it had all begun, the day of Spellman's trial.

"You don't have to go." Her husky voice startled him. Kelly placed the calendar on top of the nightstand and glanced at her, Lindsay moving closer to the bed. "Kelly, you know you cannot testify - "

"I don't even…remember…" His voice died out, the rest of the words getting stuck in his throat.

Lindsay shook her head, remaining silent. For Kelly's surprise, she flipped the edge of his blanket and climbed into bed, her warm body coming in contact with his. It wasn't because she didn't have the energy to make it to her room…it was because she felt that she belonged there, under the same blanket that was keeping him warm. She turned onto her left side, head resting on the pillow, and gently put one hand across Kelly's chest, her fingers landing on his biceps…to feel his chest's steady up-down movements was all she needed in that moment.

"It doesn't matter. He gave a full statement, and Voight's making sure he gets a life sentence." Erin vowed, smiling when Kelly's eyelids dropped. She observed his face as he drifted off, finally letting her eyes close a few minutes later.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

YAY, Kelly remembered some bits and pieces and is out of the hospital, at Erin's ^^ Okay, it somehow made sense to me that Matt's not in position (physically) to really look after Kelly, hope you're not mad at me. And I want to apologize for disrespecting Nadia's death, but Lindsay has her hands full, and I don't want her dealing with Nadia's death right now :) Matt worries about Kelly, Sev worries about Casey, aren't they cute, haha!

Thanks for reading! Would love to hear your opinion so please review before you go, thanks :)