New Meanings To Old Words: Love

As a warning…. This may jerk some tears.

As always read, review and most of all enjoy (only you may not really get to that point with this one…)

~michelle

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Callie and the crew of misfits (Danny, Miles, Jenna, Mike, Nina, Ben and Gracie).

Vignette - Fade To Black

"Jenna," Callie said settling down on her haunches. She dipped her head just enough to catch Jenna's eyes, lifting a single brow as her lip quirked in a small smile. "Honey, I'm gonna explain something to you. Life is short." Jenna snorted and rolled her eyes. Callie firmed her lips against her own chuckle and rolled her eyes a bit but caught them on Jenna's before continuing. "I know, 'd'uh', but really, it's short. Always has been, and now it is more than ever." Callie took a breath and settled her forearms along her knees. "Honey, in the world we're in now, there isn't any time for shoulda, coulda, woulda's. No time to second guess your decisions, and no time to linger on the 'what might have been'. You may not understand that now, but someday, you're gonna come to realize just what I'm talkin' 'bout. And you're gonna feel better about all of this. Not good. By no means good. But better."

That was the first real 'adult' conversation that Jenna had ever had with someone. Ever. And as she stared out the window of the beat up pickup truck, watching the sky slowly darken and feeling the burn of the tears running down her face, she finally did understand what Callie had been trying to tell her that day.

No time for shoulda, coulda, woulda's.

Jenna shoulda said a proper goodbye to everyone. She shoulda hugged Danny and Callie and thanked them for everything they did for her and Mike and Nina. She shoulda told Miles that she loved him. She shoulda taken one final silly photo with Ben, and shoulda braided Gracie's hair like the little girl always begged her to do.

But she didn't. She'd chosen to leave a note and accept the 'help' of a stranger who was taking her to a place as yet unknown.

She coulda waited for Callie to come back to the room. She coulda asked the woman to take her away from the house; just the two of them. She coulda had the comfort of a woman that had become as close as family in this world at the end.

But she didn't. Instead she had the harsh glare of a boy who kept sliding his eyes to her every few seconds. A boy who had dragged her to his waiting car. A boy who hadn't said word to her since he started driving.

She woulda had Callie with her at the end. She woulda had someone to tell her that she loved her, and that she would take care of her. She woulda been able to close her eyes and sit easy, finding comfort in her last moments as Callie rode her off into her final sunset; instead of dreading each and every bump in the dark rocky dirt road, fearing another of her ribs was going to crack under the pressure of her arms as they crossed tighter over her aching stomach.

She woulda left Callie with nothing but more blood on her hands. Woulda left nothing but her dead body as the final image burned into that woman's brain for all eternity.

And that's when it finally clicked.

No time for shoulda, coulda, woulda's. Jenna had made her choice, and she'd left her seemingly juvenile note on a bed that wasn't hers. She'd climbed out that window. She'd let that boy grab her and drag her to his car. She'd put up with the glares and the holes in the road that she couldn't help but think he was purposefully hitting.

And she'd made sure that her last act wasn't to leave the woman who saved her life months ago the task of taking it.

As the familiar sight of that church steeple came into view Jenna blinked away the tears that had created an almost permanent haze on her vision and sat up as straight as she could in the seat. Her stomach rolled a bit as she shifted her eyes to the boy who was now staring intently at the little white church. Jenna swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, wincing as the old truck jostled a bit more roughly as they closed in on the church.

Jenna's breathing became a bit panicked as she watched that church, its white washed exterior a dull gray in the fading light of the early evening hours, get closer and closer until finally they came to a stop directly at the rear of it. They sat in that small parking area made of the same gravel that seemed to line the exterior of the church building for only seconds, but to Jenna's rapidly beating heart and aching, feverish body it felt like hours.

"Is this-" Jenna's voice was not strong, it was weak and wobbly and showed every bit of fear she had in her. She felt her chin tremble and a fresh cascade of searing tears flow down her cheeks. Her eyes felt like they were on fire now, burning with each and every desperate blink she made to try and clear her vision.

He didn't respond, just sat there with his hands on the wheel staring at the little back door of the church. Jenna sniffed and it seemed to wake him from his stupor. Jimmy shook his head and blinked a few times before shifting his gaze to her.

Jenna stared at him and couldn't help but feel that maybe this was what she deserved. To be taken to the place where she'd left Sophia, and left here to rot forever for her crime. Had she only kept the girl with her for a few hours more then she'd be safe and at that farm with her momma, instead of being still lost out in the forest. But Jenna had been scared. Scared of what was happening to her. Scared that she'd end up killing the girl, that she'd- Jenna broke her staring contest with the boy and put her shaking hand to the door handle wincing and seething through the pain as she opened it and worked to swing her slowly deteriorating body out. She wasn't going to make it far before the pain completely floored her, but she hoped that she could at least find a nice spot in the grass.

Preferably away from the other bodies that littered the grounds.

She heard the sound of his door opening and the crunch of his fast steps on the gravel as he made his way around the bed of the truck and to her. She had closed her eyes and waited for him. She winced as he again roughly grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the truck to the gravel lot below. She had tried to hide the pain before but she couldn't hold back the yelp of pain and the fresh wash of tears this time. The foot that had shattered as she escaped through the window felt like she was walking on a bag of broken glass, which was only further escalated by the coarse gravel below it.

Jimmy shook his head and again pulled her arm over his shoulder, effectively lifting that injured foot from the ground with his height difference. There were no words spoken between them as he worked his way around to the grassy area along the side of the building, heading towards the front doors.

As they passed, and her eyes picked out the dark shapes of the bodies of the Walkers she'd seen before, she couldn't help but wonder. He'd said that his family was here. Was that them in the grass? She heard him sniff and angled her eyes away from the bodies, away from her soon to be fate, and up to his face.

The youthful curves of his face were cast in shadow by the waning light of day and made him look as harsh as he acted. Made him look older and far more imposing than any seventeen-year-old ever should. Then again, maybe that was the effects of living in the world as it was now.

"They're inside the church," Jimmy said simply his eyes slipping down to hers. Her brow narrowed a bit, wondering if she'd voiced the question out loud. He stared at her long and hard for a moment, his eyes searching hers before he continued in a clipped tone. "I couldn't-" his chin trembled a bit, killing that imposing look from before, and suddenly he was a kid again and she felt herself feeling so sorry for him.

Then his jaw clenched tight and he snapped his eyes away from hers. He dropped her arm from his shoulders and pressed her roughly to the area beside the slightly ajar front door. The look on his face as he stared at that door was the closest she'd come to seeing any kind of real emotion on his face.

He was surprised.

Jenna pressed her back hard into the wall of the church and watched him stare at that door. He wasn't shocked. He wasn't appalled. He wasn't angry. No. The only word she could think to describe his current state was, surprised.

He moved towards the door, and it was at that point that she noticed the rifle.

She shoulda taken more notice of it, because if she had she never woulda turned and began to slowly migrate towards the grassy area at side of the little white church where those bodies lay. She never woulda turned her back on him as she let her bare broken feet work to keep her standing in the slightly damp lawn.

She shoulda watched him with that rifle.

Because if she had, she woulda noticed that he wasn't holding it in a manner that said he was watching his back, or worried about a threat. She woulda noticed that he hadn't pointed it into that church at all when he finally shoved the door open and stared into the shadowy depths.

And she wouldn't have been so shocked when she heard his voice echo out to her in the darkness and the sound of that rifle being shifted and cocked.

"I owe them," Jimmy said quietly. "I owe them for this."

The sound of the bullet leaving the gun was so loud, and she really would have thought she had more time before she would feel the impact of the bullet. But it happened almost simultaneously. The pain, even more blinding and intense than the infection coursing through her body sent her sprawling forward onto her hands and knees in the grass. Her breath caught in her throat, the pain of the shot causing her entire body to tense. She was able to spare a single glance down to her abdomen, the red explosion of her midsection from where the bullet had torn its exit from her body a horrifying final sight. Finally her arms gave out, a whimpering moan of fear and pain escaping her before her face fell into the lawn.

Pain like nothing she'd felt before. Fear so overpowering she felt her entire body convulsing with it. Tears rolled from her face like a waterfall drenching the ground below her as she worked to turn her face from the dirt. She wasn't crying, she was sobbing. Sobbing out her fear and pain and just so scared and so alone.

This was not what she wanted. She didn't want this pain and this fear to be her last memory of life. She didn't want this.

"Callie," she finally got the name out through her constricting throat, mumbled uselessly into the wet grass.

It was only seconds after the first shot that she began to move. She could feel her chest rapidly working to pull air into her dying body, and through the haze of all the pain she pushed her head up. She had half turned her head, knowing that she wanted to face the boy when he finished her. He deserved that image burned into his eyes. Her head only made it a quarter of the way before another shot rang out, her head snapped to the side with the impact.

And Jenna's world went black.

Twelve was not her year.

It had started out okay; she'd gotten to have a birthday party this year. Her daddy had of course ended up ruining any reminder of a happy day when he'd openly leered at her friends as they sat around the table singing happy birthday to her.

And it had pretty much gone downhill from there.

Daddy got laid off. Momma had offered to get a part-time job to help. Daddy had put mom in the hospital. The social workers had come, and momma had yet again given that same sad excuse of her being just so 'darned clumsy'. Daddy drank and watched TV. Daddy became obsessed with what was happening in with this sickness and in Atlanta at the CDC.

Daddy made sure that she and momma thanked him every day for being a good strong man who knew how to prepare for the end of the world. For knowing better than to fall for the shit they'd shown on the TV. He'd kept them safe from whatever this was.

Then, Mrs. Ketter next door got sick and ate both of her kids on the front lawn. And almost caught Daddy on his way back in from the cellar.

Okay, so the look on daddy's face that day had kinda been a good moment, but fleeting and not really something she wanted to admit to. Momma woulda been mad at that.

They packed up and left that day, Daddy using momma as a shield as he ran past the small forms of Billy and Trish who had come back from their mom's mauling and were working their way towards them. He'd left her to fend for herself; stating she was quick and that if she was as smart as her momma always said she'd be fine.

They'd headed towards Atlanta, and the refugee center. They got caught in a road block and really that was the first real good thing that had happened so far. She met Carl, and his momma Lori. Then the military had bombed Atlanta before they could get in.

So they went to the Quarry.

And twelve continued to suck.

Sophia settled her back against a tree and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. She hated doing that, it felt disgusting. But her clothes were a mess and she really didn't want to put them to her face. She didn't want to inhale the smell that was so deeply embedded in them.

Looking around at the bits and pieces of the slowly darkening sky filtering through the leaves of the trees overhead Sophia tightened her arms around her shivering frame and tried to hold in the coughs she could feel tickling at the back of her throat. Tightening her grip around the tree branch she'd been using as her first and only line of defense she let herself take a bit of a breather and settled into the tree for a moment.

Sophia was no stranger to running and hiding. She was no stranger to fear, and no stranger to surviving horrible things. Her daddy had made sure of that, and she felt herself giving a slight snarl as a sarcastic 'thank you' rolled around in her dry, ill-tasting mouth.

No, Sophia was no stranger to any of this. But she was a stranger to feeling hopeless. And sadly that's what she was beginning to feel. It was the end of day three out here in the woods; a day and a half of which had been completely on her own since Jenna left her.

Sophia sighed and bowed her head, her hand idly reaching to the small of her back where Jenna had tucked Eliza's doll for her before she left her. Tucked it in tight so that she wouldn't lose it. She bowed her head and remembered the look Jenna's eyes when she held her at arm's length and told her to be safe and strong. She ran her fingers over that doll and tried to think about all it had been through and all that it had brought her through. And she used that doll to find strength again as she felt the need to cry become almost too powerful to contain.

Sophia knew why the older girl had left her. She'd seen the jagged cut on the other girl's leg, realized what had happened as early on as Jenna herself had come to the horrifying conclusion. It broke her heart to think that Jenna was, most likely, a Walker now.

Every sound she heard she wondered if she'd come across the girl. The red-head's undead body searching her out in some hunger-filled trance. Her nightmares were filled with visions of it. They mixed with the ones of her father, his own battering fists replaced by the clawing hands of what had been left of his corpse at the Quarry.

She knew that her lack of sleep, or anything substantial to eat was the reason for her current illness. She'd been luckier than Jenna in that department. Her illness was the fleeting kind, that with care would clear up and be nothing in no time.

So she didn't linger on it long, and kept herself focused on staying safe, and alive. Sophia's upbringing had made her smart in a way that other kid's in this world lacked. She'd grown up constantly on guard and it wasn't until now that she realized what a life-saving trait that was.

"Daryl was right," Sophia mused idly as she tapped her freezing cold fingers along her tree branch bashing stick.

Sophia blinked hard and took in a deep breath before slowly sliding back up to her feet. There was one thing that she knew she couldn't do if she planned on surviving. She couldn't stay out in the open.

That's why she'd stopped at that house. Because any smart kid knew that if you wanted to be found you simply had to stay put and let the people looking for you come and find you. The only reason she'd left her safe place this morning had been because of the Walkers that had stumbled into the grassy lawn of the clearing. And then apparently smelling her breakfast, that disgusting can of tuna, they had worked their way into the old house.

And Sophia knew better than to stay put at that point. So she'd ran. She'd ran hard and fast, and ended up bashing the head of a third Walker on her way out the back door, leaving it to rot in the grass near that tree. That tree that in hindsight she probably should have climbed up and waited out the Walkers in. But climbing wasn't really her strong suit, and if it hadn't been for Jenna helping her all those other times she probably never would have made it up any of those trees.

Hiding was Sophia's strong suit. Running and hiding.

It had been hours now since she'd been at that house. Hours of running and hiding. And she was ready to go back. She only hoped that the little marks on the trees she'd made with her bashing stick would be easily read in the low filtered light from above. She didn't really want to think about what would happen if she couldn't find her way back.

And didn't want to think about what she might find in her little broken down house when she got there.

The only thing she was thinking was that she needed to get out of the open and back to somewhere safe, where she could close her eyes and ebb away the disorientation and thrum of the ache in her head. They were close to finding her. She was sure of it. Three days was a long time. They had to be on her trail. Daryl had to be on it.

According to Ben and Gracie, back at the Quarry, Daryl could find anything in the woods. No matter what.

Sophia spared a glance around her, listening intently to the sounds of the woods for any sign of moaning and groaning or snapping twigs, she held her bashing stick tight and turned around. She was exhausted, and hungry, and cold, and scared, and -well, really she was a lot of things. But she wasn't going to give up.

She continued on for a few minutes happy that she was able to pick up her marks on the trees and she began to nod her head as she walked. She could do this. She could get back to that house and she could get back into her cupboard and sleep. And she could wait out the rest of however long it took for them to find her at that little safe place.

She could do this. Her momma told her she could when this first began. Daryl told her she could at that gas station a week and a half ago. Jenna told her she could before she left her.

She could do this.

She could, because twelve had been a bad year, but thirteen was right around the corner.

Sophia again nodded her head and settled her eyes upon a marker on a tree a few paces off from where she was. She wasn't really paying as much attention as she should have been to her surroundings; she was so intent on finding her markers and getting back to that house.

It didn't really dawn in her twelve-year-old mind that she'd been running aimlessly for hours upon hours into the woods. And that it would take her that same amount of time, if not longer, to reach the house again. Which meant she'd be looking for those markers in the dark in no time flat.

But she wasn't really thinking about that.

She was thinking of all the grand possibilities that thirteen held. With this group that had become a sort of extended family for her; something she'd never had before. With Momma, who was finally starting to find herself again and laugh and smile and just be momma again. With -

A sound off in the distance caught her attention and had her feet stumbling to a stop near a large tree. Her eyes twitched in the low light and her head whipped around, her short blonde hair catching slightly in her mouth. Her breath hitched just a bit when another muffled sound reached her ears. She couldn't make out what it was, or where it was coming from but for some reason the entire air around her seemed to chill and the sense of dread that she'd been so adamant about staving off with thoughts of a grand thirteen came rushing back.

And she should have been paying closer attention to her surroundings as she'd walked. She really should have. Because the instant she took that step backwards her foot caught in the large tree root, and instead of hitting the ground Sophia's body was met with the strange and horrifying sensation of falling.

She screamed then. She knew she did, it wasn't loud or strong because of how dry her throat was from how long she'd been silent and without water, but she did it. Over and over she screamed. Her arms flailed out, her bashing stick flying off to the shadowed depths below. Her hands sought purchase on something anything, but she didn't have the strength to hold onto the steep rocky ridge she'd apparently fallen off of.

Her screams ended at the first impact of the ridge against her frail frame. Pain laced into her entire body as it bounced and tumbled and rolled down the incline. One thought echoed in her brain the entire time; she was sure gonna miss twelve, and the promise of thirteen.

And momma. She was gonna miss her momma.

Her head hit off of another peak. And the pain, the sound and feel her bones breaking and crunching with each impact that followed was the last thing she knew before her world went black.

No one but me can save myself

But it's too late

Now I can't think

Think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though

It never existed

Death greets me warm

Now I will just say goodbye

~Fade To Black / Metallica

AN: I'm expecting well… I don't know what I'm expecting….so let me have it.

To try and clear up a few things for you in case you got a bit lost in the backtracking. For those that haven't quite figured it out, the two muffled shots that Daryl (and Sophia) heard was Jimmy shooting Jenna. So at the same time that Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog are at the little house that Sophia was sleeping in-Sophia was making her way back (a trek that would have taken hours because that's how long it took to get away...)

I know a lot of you were guessing that Jimmy was gonna take Jenna to the barn, and that the shots had come from the camp…but if we're playing by my timeline of events you'll remember that Callie didn't get told about Jenna's disappearance until well into the evening (after her convo with Hershel) at which point our boy Jimmy had already come back and began to beg forgiveness for his disappearing act from Beth's father (which we hear Beth pleading with her father to accept and not to be too upset at the boy for doing).

I really hope this didn't get to confusing and I hope I'm not making a stranger of too many of you with where this last installment took us. There is still more planned that you can hate me for. So seriously, don't waste the hate now.

I promise to try and update very soon so that you don't all completely hate me for too long.

See ya next chapter!