Warning: The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the plot of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the lyrics of the songs used. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!
Chapter 23
***Two months later***
"Mmmm." Kelly moaned as she slid her hand down the warm skin of his back, their naked bodies moving up and down as one, completing each other, erasing the memories and the thoughts of the past fourteen months.
His body tightened around hers, and she closed her eyes. The pure, animal-like act send a current running through her entire body, and in that moment Erin stopped breathing. A cry of pure pleasure escaped her lips before she gasped for some air. Kelly's body jerked for one last time before his muscles relaxed, and he rested on top of her.
Erin took another breath through her nose, his natural, manly odor making her want more. She bit his bottom lip and he didn't even try to pull back…maybe if they stayed there, motionless, speechless, their moment would last forever, maybe they wouldn't need to start another challenging day…maybe.
Kelly opened his eyes and slowly moved his lips down her neck, planting one last kiss on her bare chest before his body slumped on the mattress, his leg remaining in contact with hers.
"I missed…this…you." She mumbled, turning on her side.
"Yeah?" He grinned, also turning on his side, the tip of his nose touching hers.
Kelly glanced upon the small clock on the nightstand behind Lindsay, silently cursing how quickly time had gone. "Need to shower."
But Erin didn't let go. She gripped his hand, wrapping her fingers around his, her eyes staring straight into his, as if trying to see all the way down to his soul. She could read him like nobody else after Shay…and she could tell when he was bottling-up his fears and emotions. Through the meetings with Shaw, Kelly had learned to open up, had learned to share…but there were moments when he was still trying to hide behind a brave façade, but neither she, nor Matt would let it last.
"You know I can come into his office with you today." She uttered, her husky voice bringing him back to reality…the reality where he had to get up and prepare himself for more bad news regarding his recovery, or lack of physical recovery, from Andreas.
"No." He shook his head, his expression clouding. "Need to…face it alone first."
"And then you'll tell me the truth? Right?" She pressed, gently reminding him of the last time when he had told her that his lungs had been getting healthier, the oxygen levels in his blood increasing significantly….it had been a lie…he had lied to her, to Matt, to his dad who was back in Kenosha already, to Boden…to himself, mainly to himself…and he had collapsed in Martin's hands, on the treadmill, while pushing himself way over his limits.
"Of course." He vowed, leaning forward…he bit the tip of her ear, and she giggled, warming the cockles of his heart once again. Then he slowly got up, grateful that he could at least walk steadily, and headed toward the bathroom...Erin followed, sliding into the room just before he closed the door…
An hour later they were fully dressed and ready to go, Kelly still unable to drive, having to rely on Erin and Matt…He looked at his reflection in the mirror – his loose jeans reminding him that he hadn't gained even half of the weight he had lost…as if he was a shadow of the masculine firemen from before.
Kelly's face twisted in a grimace, and he was thankful Erin wasn't in the room to see the expression of defeat, self-pity. He took his eyes off the mirror and made his way into the kitchen. Erin moved their empty coffee mugs into the sink, grabbed her car keys and followed him out of her apartment…she could tell he was anxious, pretending to be ready for more bad news when every fiber of his body prayed for a single good one, for a glimpse of hope he could save his career. And she just knew it, her fireman wouldn't heal completely, ever, unless he got his Squad back.
Kelly wanted to take the stairs to the fourth floor of the hospital, a part of him trying to prove himself he could climb steps, a part of him dreading the meeting, wanting to delay it, but he knew he wouldn't make it so opted for the elevator. He closed his eyes for a second, sighed heavily, knocked on the door once and walked in.
"So?" Severide raised his eyebrows, not in the mood for pleasantries or for beating around the bush.
"Compared to two weeks ago, tidal volume and vital capacity have increased, but inspiratory capacity's the same. Carbon monoxide diffusion looks better. The tomography shows lung infiltrates, which is to be expected at this stage."
"And compared to normal?"
"Look, Kelly, I've already told you, you - "
"Hafta be patient?" Kelly growled, that word making him sick.
"Yes!" Andreas answered sharply. "Twelve weeks ago you were dying in my hands. Ask Erin what prognosis I made…today, you walk on your own and remember everything about the past year…I consider it an achievement.
Kelly just snorted in frustration, not proud with his achievement at all.
"I like the results from the six minute walking test." Andreas continued, the sheet of paper in his hands telling him the distance Kelly had managed to walk over six minutes on a flat surface. "And the CT scan looks normal. I think you can start training on the treadmill to build up some muscle mass…for real this time" The doctor smirked, although he hadn't been that happy when his patient had lied to the physiotherapist in a desperate attempt to prove himself something, leading to a seizure …that day, the doctor had been slow to update Kelly's file, and Martin had trusted Kelly to tell the truth about the tests' results.
"About that - "
"It's okay. Just today, tell them the truth, okay?"
"Yeah."
"Heard Matt's passed the psych test and is preparing for the physical." Andreas changed the subject, genuinely concerned for the well-being of the blonde Lieutenant.
Kelly nodded to confirm the rumor, glaring at Andreas with questioning eyes…
"Ask me again in a few months." The doctor answered firmly…yes, he would be able to make prognosis about Kelly's career in four-six months when he knew more about his patient's physical and mental recovery…
Xxx
***Two months later***
Matt slammed the door of his truck shut, his eyes fixed on the figure of his friend. It was getting dark, no trace of the warm sun they had had during one of the last summer days. Kelly was sitting on a bench in a small park not far away from the apartment he and Erin shared, dressed in sweatpants and a dark t-shirt, his eyes inspecting his running shoes, his thoughts directed in many directions, none of them happy.
"Erin's worried." Casey stated firmly, sitting down next to Severide.
"You called her?" Kelly uttered, looking in the opposite direction.
"Yeah, after you called me." Truck's Lieutenant rubbed his eyes, unsure what exactly had happened…Kelly had been making some progress, his psychological recovery going well, the physical – painfully slow, as expected. Now he was as lost as he had been months earlier, desperation on his face. "She said you've literally ran out of the apartment - "
"Had to clear my head."
"And?"
"I don't know, Casey!" Severide met Matt's eyes for a second before leaning forward, burying his head in his hands. A tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away before looking up, hoping his fellow Lieutenant hadn't noticed. "You're back and…it's not getting better." He whispered the last part…he was happy for Casey, that he had passed the PAT and psych tests, that he was going back to Fifty-one starting next shift…and he was mad at himself, at his crap body, for not recovering. Yes, he could walk, he remembered, could run even…for a few minutes, until he was out of air, exhausted.
"It's too soon - "
"It's been nearly five months! I'm sick of sitting on my ass!"
"So? You just give up and let Spellman, and Hadley win? Because this is what you're doing right now!"
"There's an opening at AI…" Kelly mumbled, his tone proving that he was grasping at straws, desperate to be doing something useful.
"And you'll be happy there?"
Kelly's silence told Matt what he needed to know. "Why don't you come to Fifty-one with me tomorrow? The guys will be happy to see you." Casey was well aware his friend hadn't set foot in their firehouse for months, scared to see that life was going on without him, scared that Clarke was running his Squad so well that they didn't need him…it wasn't true of course, they all needed him back, Jeff wanted him back.
"And do what?" Severide snapped, angry with himself only. "They're doing just fine without me."
"They are doing just fine without me, too." Casey reasoned, but his words couldn't get through Severide's thick skull. "Clarke and I will run you drills, protocols…"
"Yeah?" Kelly raised his eyebrows, a sparkle of hope in his eyes.
"Yeah." Matt nodded firmly. "Just…if you feel it's too much you tell me, okay? Otherwise Boden and Erin will have my head on a platter."
"You know I'd have to take the Lieutenant's exam…the head injury - "
"We practice together." Casey was an expert now, having taken it himself a few weeks earlier…
"Okay…"
"Kelly, you're not ready to be back yet…hell I'm not sure if I'm ready to be back, but we'll get there, I promise."
Xxx
***Three months later***
"So what did you tell Erin?" Matt finally voiced the question that had been bugging him ever since leaving Chicago to follow his stubborn friend to Tallahassee. He left his tablet aside, on his bed in the not that big hotel room, and looked up at a shirtless Severide who had just taken an hour long shower.
"That we're on a trip to Florida to escape the Chicago winter." Kelly grinned, throwing his rucksack on his bed and skimming through its content as if looking for the perfect shirt. "She needs a break from me, too. Five days of freedom would be good for her."
"Gabby said the exact same thing…about herself." Casey snickered. "The blue one." He pointed the button shirt in his friend's left hand…Kelly had gained a considerate amount of weight back, his muscles – much bigger, his body much stronger…
"She wouldn't - "
"She doesn't know." Matt cut him off, Kelly looking around for his deodorant. "Have you decided when you're gonna propose?"
Severide remained silent for a few seconds…yes, he loved Detective Erin Lindsay…yes, he wanted to spend his life with her…but he knew well he was still on the way to recovery where not every day was a happy one, where there were mornings when he woke up, screaming Shay's or Hadley's name, where he hadn't been paid salary in ten months, because of the suspension and the way too long medical leave, where he had to rely on her, and Matt, and his dad for money, because who needed their boat repaired in mid-December…
"No…not yet…." Kelly uttered, sitting on the edge of his bed, fixing his eyes on the floor, trying to get control over the wave of emotions that had just hit him.
Casey leaned forward and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, waiting patiently until Severide looked up, meeting his gaze. "Let's get you that divorce from Brittany first…a step at a time."
"Yeah…you saw me the other day, Casey, I wouldn't pass neither of the tests now…and I need…need more time to figure things out before I ask her to marry me."
"She'd say yes."
"I know…that's why I need to be one hundred percent."
Matt smiled, knowing he would have probably wanted the same thing…he had wanted the same thing before he had approached Gabby one night regarding their postponed wedding. "Thirteenth of July." He mumbled, a wide smile spreading across his face.
"Huh?"
"Dawson and I…We're getting married on the thirteenth of July. We've got enough time to figure out our working together problem…"
The grin on Matt's face was matched by an even wider one on Severide's…
"I need a best man…just, no Vegas trips, okay?"
Kelly laughed, nodding firmly before shaking Matt's hand…sealing their bond forever.
Xxx
***Two months later***
"I heard a crack and got to the upper floor just before the stairs collapsed." Cruz explained enthusiastically to Squad 3 and three firefighters from another house, Herrmann shooting him a glance from behind the counter of Molly's, Kelly pretending to be listening, his mind worrying about the tests he had taken in the past two days…he knew he had been slow on the PAT, almost tripping over on the stair climb with equipment, the dummy drag leaving him out of breath. By the time he'd had to run mile and a half, he had been exhausted, his body protesting against every movement…he had seen the look on the examiner face when he had finally reached the finish line, although the official results would be announced after his paper tests were marked and a CFD psychiatrist, who had evaluated him, announced her decision.
Maybe Kelly wasn't ready yet, maybe he had gone way over his limits again, too stubborn to listen to Andreas and give himself a month, or two more to rest.
"So I ran to the northwest end and heard a cry…she was four-five maybe." Cruz added, having spent the past fifteen minutes rambling about his big safe on Squad…he was a good fit, doing a great job, saving lives. Brian had been driving Truck 81 for ten months, being happier than ever. Gabby was in charge of the elevators…their new candidate was good – young, brave, looking up to Casey.
"She okay now?" The Lieutenant of Truck 44 asked, reminding Kelly that he was supposed to be listening to the story. He took a sip of his beer, having no idea that behind his back, Clarke exchanged a concerned glance with Matt, a look that said "get Erin to pick him up."
Severide turned his head, narrowing his eyes, spying Boden as he left the bar, his mobile pressed against his ear.
"She's going home in two days." Cruz smiled, but Severide felt as if he didn't belong there, to that conversation…he left his beer on the counter and pushed himself upright, Herrmann's eyes following his every moment in confusion.
"Will be back." Kelly uttered to Casey before making his way out through door, just as Boden slid his mobile back into his pocket.
"Chief Tiberg." Chief explained, the defeated expression on his Lieutenant's face breaking his heart…nobody had believed it would take their Squad 3 Lieutenant a year and more to recover, to heal, to come back to them and do what he did best – save lives. But it seemed that Andreas prognosis was correct and they could only thank that invisible power somewhere there that had kept him alive…because they would never forget the doctor's words that day - chance of full recovery - fifteen percent, before Kelly's lung had collapsed complete…then they had been told to forget about the fifteen percent, that it would be a miracle if he ever woke up…maybe that invisible power was Shay…yes, it had to be Shay, Shay would never leave them, ever.
"Chief - " Severide uttered, leaning on the side of Molly's, sliding down all the way to the ground where he sat, cursing himself, and Hadley, and Spellman, but mostly himself…"Thought I could do it…"
"You've scored very high on the written tests." Boden sat next to his Lieutenant, being so powerless driving him crazy. "On the physical - "
"I was slow…got tired." Kelly forced himself to admit…his Lieutenant failing the PAT wasn't what worried Boden…what he couldn't live with was Kelly doubting himself, sounding as if he was giving up.
"Kelly, Andres told you to wait another month, or two. You've passed the theoretical and the Lieutenant's test, you can take the PAT again next month."
"And if I fail again? Maybe…maybe it's time I…I stopped trying and - "
"You take it again. And I promise you, I, and Tiberg, and the whole CFD have your back. No one's putting you on permanent disability…you've come too far to give up now."
Kelly nodded and Chief took it as a good sign. With the corners of his eyes he spotted Erin getting off her car, heading in their direction, visibly disturbed. Boden patted Severide's shoulder before slowly getting up to meet the detective.
"The results?" She ventured a guess, Boden nodding for a yes.
"He'll be okay." Chief mumbled before heading back inside, giving the couple a moment of privacy.
Kelly looked up, a gorgeous smile greeting him…he wanted to give her everything, marry her, finally have a real family…he couldn't do it without having his job back first, it was a part of who he was…and he was going to get it back.
"Come on." Lindsay extended her arm and Kelly grabbed her hand, getting up…her eyes, her soft skin. His grip tightened and he pulled her closer to himself until he could feel her warm breath on his face.
"I know how to cheer you up." She whispered to his ear.
"Mmm." He grinned…her presence there, in his clasp - enough to bring a smile back on his face. "I've got ideas, too."
Xxx
***Two months later***
"Chief, heard the little man's running around the house already." Brett smiled, remembering Donna moaning about their son never getting tired as if already preparing for the Fire Academy.
"Yeah, and for some reason he keeps saying "oh boy" every time we put him down for a nap!" Boden raised his voice, glancing at Herrmann, but there was no anger in it…Christopher had been of a great help, his experience with raising kids – precious.
They laughed for a few seconds until Boden raised his hand. Everyone in the briefing room of House Fifty-One stopped talking, staring at their leader.
"Just got Kelly Severide's PAT results…"
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Yay, I couldn't stop writing last weekend so actually managed to get it done on time ^^
Hope you didn't hate the time jumps, I wanted to emphasize a few important moments during their "recovery", and it is a long, year-long, one, so it felt right to do it.
Linseride's moving forward…Kelly's planning to ask her something important, if he gets his job back…hmmm, next update's going to be the final one, what would the PAT result be? Matt did it, but is Kelly coming back…and is he going to ask her that question?
Would love to hear your opinion on Linseride, the bromance and everything else, so please revew, thanks :)