What's Next

Edward's POV

I remembered the time I had to leave Bella after her birthday. I remembered the dread and hurt I had caused her and how badly I felt because of it. This feeling I was having now was so different every fiber of my being was screaming don't do it. I knew it was wrong to stay though. Leah wanted normal … I could never give her that. My love for her wasn't normal it was laced with obsession and a lust so strong that it was almost impossible to contain. I sat down and waited with my train ticket in my hand. I needed a long peaceful trip. I was lucky enough to be able to pay for a private section of the train so I didn't have to pretend to sleep. I didn't know where I'd end up I just needed to disappear from all the people who didn't understand, meaning everyone.

Leah was about to make a mistake and I couldn't stop her from doing it. She was about to marry a man that she didn't truly love. She was going to end up in a loveless marriage she was going to be just like me. I had asked for divorce on several occasions and Bella was always quick to tell me no. The way Bella saw it if she was stuck I was going to be stuck right there with her. I kind of understood why she was doing it but I couldn't live that way anymore. I pulled out my laptop and closed my eyes and was transported into the world I wanted to truly be living in. The last time I left off they were about to fuck in the shower. Dripping wet copper wrapped all around me kissing me slowly. The daydream was so vivid I could smell her. I could hear her thoughts. She was here. I looked around, why could I hear her thoughts so loudly?

This must be the most stupid thing I've ever done.

She opened the door and walked towards me holding a duffel bag where grey sweat, a blue cami, and her jean jacket. She sat down beside me. She said nothing she took a couple of breaths she had been running she tracked my scent she fought like hell to be here to catch me before the train left.

"Why?" I said quietly.

"I finished the first book. I want what's in the book … I want to be happy. I'm tired of pretending to be," she said quietly. I felt emotion swell in my throat. She hesitantly looked over towards me. "I hope you still want that too?" I smiled a little and reached for her hand.

"I want to try to be the man you deserve," I whispered as I intertwined our fingers but I felt I needed to warn her. I wasn't prince charming. I leaned over and whispered in her ear. "However, there's still a major part of me that wants to fuck you until in hurts."

"Oh I know I've started the second book," she chuckled. "There's a part of me that wants to let you … again that's why I'm here." I hissed out a growl and she chuckled. "There's a difference between surviving and living. I've been numb Edward," she whispered.

"I wrote that," I said quietly.

"I know but I feel it more than you know," she retorted.

"I'd like to feel you," I said as I slide my arm behind her and with one flinch on my wrist I maneuvered her into my lap. She was shocked for a moment but then giggled the sound of it was almost as intoxicating as her begging. I smoothed my hands along the side of her body and she leaned down and placed her soft full lips on mine. I was expecting it even with my powers to tap inside of her mind. My mind was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that I could have what I wanted. She was sitting here in my lap offering herself to me … the monster. I cradled her head in my hands and kissed her harder. I kissed her with all the pint of fervor I had for her. She moaned against me and gripped me tighter. We began to move together. I wanted her and needed her now. She broke our kiss abruptly and studied me with hunger questioning eyes. She took off her jacket and it landed on the floor. She pulled off her cami … no bra, my hands covered her new nakedness. The chill of my hands caused her nipples to pucker.

"Edward," she whispered I leaned toward her and peppered kisses the nape of her neck. Her hand wandered down the length of my spine she slowly gathered fists full of my shirt in her hands and began to pull. I pushed her away a bit.

"Lay down," I ordered I locked the door to section and then returned my attention to her. I pulled my shirt over my head and she watched me expectantly. I unbuttoned my pants and I could hear the change in her heartbeat.

"You know what I want Leah," I whispered.

"Pleaseeee," she begged breathlessly and I closed my eyes and took in that one word that fueled me beyond logical explanation. It took me less that one second to have her naked and to connect with her. I forgot how warm and tight she was, she was so much better than I imagined.

"Damn," I whispered as I lay there in awe of our connection.

"Move Edward … please," she groaned.

"You want me to move baby," I thrust in her hard and she called out. "How's that?" I did it again and again, each time harder and faster than the last. She loved it. She reached for me her brown eyes studying me and loving me. Tears formed in them I wasn't sure if it was due to her emotions or the pleasure I was giving her. After a few moments she crushed her lips against mine and came as she kissed me. I muffled her cries of pleasure with those of my own. As our high stilled I lay against her listening to her heartbeat. I looked up at her and it wasn't until then that I realized her was silently crying. I moved up so that we were nose to nose. I wiped her tears.

"I wish this were easier," she whispered. "I wish I didn't feel guilty for feeling so … good." I kissed her again.

I wish I could promise you it will get easier but I can't we'll just have to see what happens," I murmured as I kissed the corner of her mouth. She sighed and wrapped her arms around me. My desire began to grow for her once more and she reciprocated. We made love slowly for what seemed like hours. Both of us drowning out our logical thoughts and focusing on our carnal desires. We could stay connected like this until the end of time but unfortunately the train would stop and we would have to face reality and the most important question. What's next?

Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I was fun a little steam added towards the end. Seeya soon. PS if there is a story you'd like updated next week (besides this one) let me know so I can reconnect with it during the week.