New Meanings To Old Words: Love
Well, I hope I haven't lost y'all with the way we're going about all of this. Sometimes I get the feeling I'm dragging this all out too much. But when it comes down to it, I couldn't see doing this any other way. So… long-ass chapters HUZZAH!
A warning-religious mix in this chap. Not wanting to offend, or off put, there's no forcing of religious beliefs intended here…just an honest representation of what I felt the characters might discuss. I boast no great higher understanding, nor do I actually give a lesson….I leave you to your own interpretations.
As always read, review and most of all enjoy!
~michelle
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Callie and the crew of misfits (Danny, Miles, Jenna, Mike, Nina, Ben and Gracie).
Hallelujah
"I bring them down like lambs to the slaughter," Hershel's mumbling voice caught Danny's ears as he stood on the porch. He shifted slightly, settling his crutch to the side of the screen door that lead into the large dining room, and smirked as he put his hand to the door and pulled it slowly open. Hershel's low rumbling voice echoed as he finished the line, Danny's lips twitching with the familiarity of the man's cadence. "Like rams and he-goats."
"Jeremiah," Danny said, startling the elder man's attention away from the Bible opened on the table in front of him. Hershel's eyes, red-rimmed and tired from an evening of utter horror and dismay, lifted and squinted around the bright sunshine at Danny's back. A glint of metal spinning idly between Hershel's fingers had Danny squinting back, his eyes catching the shape of a coin as it rested on its edge between the elder man's thick fingers for a second before spinning again. Danny smiled when the man furrowed his heavy white brows at him and he limped forward slowly, a single finger extending and pointing down at the Bible. "Good guy. Personally, I'm more partial to the earlier areas of his work though."
Danny pulled out the chair next to Hershel, ignoring the man's raised brow and smiling as he fell into the chair. He stretched his is left leg out before him and he rubbed at the painful, healing swell of his wound, his eyes settled up on the toes of his worn-out, blood-stained Converse.
"Build ye houses and dwell in them," Danny began his voice low and a tiny smile pulling at his lips. He heard Hershel shuffle a bit in his chair but didn't look up. He was too lost in his own memories to give the man any real mind. "Plant gardens and eat the fruit of them. Take ye wives and beget sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters, that you may be increased there, and not diminished." Danny snorted to himself and ran his hand over his bearded cheeks, scratching idly as he searched his mind for the rest. "And ye shall seek Me and find Me when ye shall search for Me with all your heart. And I will be found by you," Danny shifted his aching leg before continuing, his eyes lifting up to catch the narrowed brow of Hershel. "I will return you from captivity and gather you from all the nations and places whither I have driven you. And I will bring you back into the place from whence I caused you to be carried away captive."
"Thus saith the Lord," Hershel finished eyeing Danny skeptically. Danny lifted his finger and tapped the side of his nose before pointing it at the other man. Hershel spun the coin in his fingers one more time before settling it to the table and placing his palm over it. "You missed a bit," Hershel said a tiny almost imperceptible smile tilting one corner of his lips upward.
"Eh, I hit what I wanted to," Danny said waving his hand around, but keeping his eyes on the man. Hershel nodded, shifting his attention from Danny to the book spread out upon the table and then back again. "Go ahead," Danny waved his hand again and let out a laugh when the man sighed.
"Dan was it?" Hershel asked with a slightly humored expression. Danny froze and shook his head, working to bring the smile to his face.
"Danny," he answered; realizing only after he said it that his name came out on a harsh bark. Danny tried to shake off the feel of Hershel's inquiring gaze and cleared his throat before continuing. "Dan was my father. I'm not him." Danny said as flippantly as he could. Hershel held Danny's gaze for a good long minute before giving a slight accepting nod.
"Well, Danny, age alone tells me that I've been studyin' this longer than you," Hershel said sliding his hands a bit along the table, the sunlight again glinting off the coin he held before it was hidden from sight under his right hand. "But I can't boast bein' able to quote the word as well as you just did."
"Ain't something I really boast about there, Hershel," Danny said smirking before nodding his head idly at the man's expectant expression. "Would you believe I used to be a Choir boy?" Danny said, watching Hershel's brows raise. Danny laughed and tossed his hands into the air. "I know, fuckin' nuts, right?" Hershel's eyes closed and his head shook just a bit at Danny's language. Danny settled his arm on the table and stared at his finger as it tapped near the Bible, before continuing in a quiet voice. "My dad was a Deacon."
Hershel's brows rose and Danny found it just a bit comical that the man was aghast. He must have just had that sort of way about him that made his upbringing fuckin' comical. Danny closed his eyes and shook his head deciding to just let the matter drop. Not really wanting to delve into that abyss.
"That's a mighty fine Bible you got there," Danny said tapping his finger again. Hershel leaned back and regarded him with a steady straightforward gaze that Danny just fuckin' loved. He smiled, realizing this was the first real conversation that the two of them had held. Danny didn't really count the odd stilted conversation they'd shared when he first arrived at the farm and the older man had looked over his healing wounds with those heavily browed eyes of his. Stating in very plain terms that Danny would never have the same mobility in his left leg that he'd had before. Danny shook his head and rubbed his fingers along the swell of bandages on his leg and tried to shake the feelin' that while Garrison may not have killed him outright with those couple of bullets, he'd certainly shortened his life expectancy in this new fucked up world they lived in.
"Mine was yanked from a nightstand," Danny continued, tossing his thumb over his shoulder towards the door. "Not as nice as a good ol' family Bible as that, but it's got a good bit of sentimental value to it now." Danny bit at his cheek and looked down at the Bible as Hershel slowly closed it. "Kinda wish I woulda grabbed mine from the shelf before I left home, but the Lord Almighty and I had just had this massive blow up and I wasn't really returnin' his calls at the time. But thinkin' bout it now," Danny took a breath and smiled sadly. "Jake always loved that one. He'd search through the branches of the family tree scratched in there for hours."
Hershel's brow rose and Danny slipped onto his hip and pulled out his picture. One-sided conversations weren't anything new for Danny, and really it had been exactly what he'd been expecting from the older man. It was almost exactly how he and Callie had conversed early on in their little adventure, him jabberin' on and her just listenin'.
"S'my boy," Danny said settling the picture on to the table and sliding it over a bit. "He'll be eleven in November," Danny said slipping one finger over the side of the picture. Hershel peered down at the folded and crumpled photo of Danny and Jake and then lifted slightly more intrigued eyes up to Danny. And now, Danny patiently waited for the elder man to fuckin' join the conversation, a tiny leading smile tilting his lips.
"Where's your boy now?" Hershel asked quietly, his eyes narrowing a bit at the photo. He shifted the photo a bit closer and inspected it, adding almost in an afterthought, "Are you related to Rick?"
"Nah," Danny said waving a hand and smiling. "We seem to get that a lot though." Danny looked down to the photo and smiled. "Jake does look a good bit like Carl, don't he?" Danny traced the edge of the photo before picking it up and staring into his son's green eyes. Leslie's eyes. "He's -" Danny cleared his throat as his voice cracked and he folded the picture up. "I don't really know where he is, Hershel. Been looking for him since this whole shit-storm happened. He was with his mother," he frowned at his hands. "Found her."
He didn't want to say any more about that, and thankfully, the smart Doctor settled at the table with him seemed to figure that out.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Hershel said softly, his eyes watching closely as Danny slipped the photo into place in his back pocket. Idly Danny began to rub at his leg again and Hershel slipped that little coin he was desperate to hide into the front flap of his family Bible. Danny smirked just a bit as the older man pushed his Bible towards the center of the table, letting his fingers tap the edge of it before sliding off and clasping together in front of him. "I'd be a fool to think you came here to quote scripture and discuss family Bibles with me, son." Hershel said tapping his first two fingers together as he stared over at Danny.
"Nothing foolish 'bout ya, Hershel. I gotta say, there's one thing I've always loved about cantakerous old coots like you, and my boy Dale out there," Danny said flippantly, watching Hershel's head tilt in that way that said 'oh really?' and had Danny chuckling. "Y'all never have any qualms about speakin' plainly and cuttin' to the chase. Fuckin' adore that."
"That so," Hershel said still following Danny's movements like a hawk. His brow twitched slightly as Danny once again worked his hand over his outstretched leg.
"Yeah," Danny said idly rubbing at his leg. He stared at his hands and then looked up. "I didn't sleep much last night," Danny said quietly. "Up dealing with my own idiot teenager. Thinkin' too damn much and worryin'," Danny took a breath and tapped his fingers on his leg. "Restlessness on my part often leads to more trouble than I'd like," Danny continued finally lifting his eyes up and piercing Hershel with his own straight forward gaze. "I overheard the tail-end of your conversation with your boy this mornin'."
"He is not my boy," Hershel said shortly, earning a stifled laugh from Danny. Danny sat forward and shook his head.
"Yeah he is," Danny said smiling and earning what would have been a withering glare from the man. Would have been, if Danny wasn't so damned good at deflectin' that type of shit. "Yeah he is. Just like Miles is mine and Callie's problem. You are that boy's family now. You are his moral compass, you are his rock."
"I-" Hershel took a breath and firmed his lips before lifting a finger to Danny. "I cannot condone that boy's actions."
"He knows that," Danny said leaning forward and wincing slightly. "He's lost. He's tryin' real hard to come to terms with it. With everything."
"You're defendin' him?" Hershel said almost incredulously, and Danny shook his head.
"No," Danny said quietly, his voice cracking as he thought about the way Jenna must have died. The fear. The pain. "I just can't condemn him for his ignorance. He's a child." Hershel sat back in his chair and settled an assessing sort of glare onto Danny. Danny ran his hand over his hair and across his mouth. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love nothing more than to string his ass up and beat him like my own personal birthday piñata," Hershel's brow rose and Danny smirked. He held Hershel's gaze for a few moments before tapping his fingers again near the Bible. "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. 'Judge not, and ye shall not be judged. Condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned. Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven'."
"Luke," Hershel said eyeing Danny. Danny again tapped the side of his nose and Hershel simply stared at the strange young man seated next to him. "Have you done something that you need to be forgiven for?"
"Haven't we all," Danny said lifting a brow and earning another assessing look. A beat of silence flowed between them, and Danny shifted in his seat. "Your boy went wandering off early this morning," Hershel sat up a bit but Danny lifted a hand to stay him. "He's back now," Danny said idly shaking his head. "Must have gotten back when we were all at the well dealin' with-" Danny cut himself off running his hand along his sore midsection, ignoring the look that Hershel was shooting at him. "Looks like he was running through the woods; got himself all shades of mucked up again. I spotted him as I was headin' in here to find you. He's just sitting down at that old barn of yours, staring at it."
Hershel got to his feet, leaving Danny to settle back more comfortably into his chair. The two men stared at one another for a few seconds, gauging the other with a level eye and a weary, tired expression. Hershel made to leave, but stopped and faced Danny again.
"I don't quite understand you, Danny." Hershel said as he stared hard at Danny perched on his chair and staring at the Bible in the middle of the table. "Why does this matter to you?"
"My father disowned me," Danny said quietly his eyes still settled on his own tapping fingers. "I wasn't a horrible child, just too intelligent but not really smart enough to know how to use it. I was a disappointment to him in many ways; eidetic memory and a 163 IQ and I still managed to fuck it all up," Danny shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He could feel Hershel's eyes on him and he shook his head at it. "Got my girl pregnant at 17, pretty much ended whatever high-hopes he had for me with that. The last time I saw my father he condemned my wife's soul to hell because we weren't married before Jake was born. He only met his grandson once, and his disappointment in me was so heavy that he couldn't even look at him let alone hold him." Danny shifted his eyes over to Hershel catching the older man's eyes and holding his gaze. "After that, my life spiraled out of control in ways I didn't even think it could. And there was no one there to catch me when I fell. And boy did I fuckin' fall." Danny shifted and winced just a bit, he pointed a finger out the door. "That boy needs someone to be on his side. Especially now, in this new fucked up world we're all livin' in. He doesn't need you to agree or be proud of him; he just needs you to be there. Needs it, before he does something that no amount of forgiveness on anyone's part can help."
Hershel stared hard at Danny for what felt like hours. The piercing quality of his gaze almost unsettling Danny. But then, Danny was already unsettled so what the fuck? Add another log to the pile, right? Finally, Hershel shifted his gaze to where Danny was idly rubbing at his leg and he let out a long sigh.
"You said you were headin' in here to find me when you spotted him," Hershel said and Danny smiled just a bit as he settled back into the chair. "Did you need something?" Hershel said watching Danny yet again rub at his leg. "For the pain?"
"No," Danny said a little too quickly. He laughed it off and waved a hand. "I don't do painkillers," Danny shifted his hand so that his index finger was settled upon the Bible on the table and he tapped it twice. "I'm sure you understand." Hershel lifted a brow and firmed his lips.
"What did you need?" Hershel's voice no longer held any real vestige of companionship. No sense that Danny was welcome in his home and that was just fine with Danny. Danny pushed to his feet, grimacing as he worked to stretch out the torn and destroyed muscles in his thigh. Hershel watched him, but made no move to help him and for that Danny found himself fallin' just a bit in love with the old bastard.
"Honestly," Danny said lifting his hand to his cheeks and rubbing with a fierce sort of grin settled on his lips. "I was wondering if you had a razor I could borrow?"
Andrea slipped up to the top of the RV, her eyes shifting over a bit and catching sight of Danny's slowly limping form. She stopped once she reached the top of the ladder but remained on it, angling her body a bit so that she could watch him walk. It was obvious, even from this distance that he was having trouble getting around, yet he refused to use the crutch.
"Stubborn son of a bitch," Andrea muttered as she shielded her eyes from the blaring sunlight overhead. She continued to watch Danny, his slow stilted progress leading him towards the other side of the house.
She'd felt bad earlier. Felt…she wasn't quite sure if it was remorse, or shame, or something else, but she'd felt bad for the way that Danny had looked when she'd walked away with Shane and Carol. She knew that Danny was just trying to be a friend. Maybe something more. Something she wasn't quite sure she wanted to get into just yet with him.
The both of them had so much to get past before either of them would be ready for that kind of step. And maybe that's really what had been going through Andrea's mind the last few days. Why she'd been actively avoiding him, and his kindness. His obvious want to be there for her.
She'd avoided him, and let her mind wander to other possibilities.
Possibilities that Danny believed she didn't have any business even considering.
When she'd overheard Shane talking to Lori about leaving the day that they had stumbled upon that church ground, at first she'd been confused. But as time moved on, as their group became stretched thinner and thinner by the horrors of this world, that notion slowly began to make sense. The idea of breaking away from these people; people that only served as a reminder day in and day out of Amy.
Of the fact that Amy was gone.
That notion didn't seem like such a bad idea. And then with the loss of Jenna, it pretty much cemented that into place in her brain. She needed to get away. She needed to find herself in this world, find out what type of person she was without Amy and without Jenna.
Without these people that just wanted to coddle her and treat her like some kind of fragile doll. People like Danny and Dale.
Shane hadn't said much about leaving for a few days, but she could tell that the idea was still planted firmly in his mind. Anyone could see that he was having trouble dealing with the decisions that Rick was making for the group. God, Andrea was still reeling from the fact that they'd so easily given up their weapons.
Well, accept for Callie. Danny had fought hard for that, a fact that still had Andrea and half of the group mystified.
Rick made the decision as their leader to give up their weapons in during wartime. It was ridiculous. Hadn't they just had to deal with a horde of Walkers up on that highway only days ago? What were they supposed to do when another horde blew through here?
Hide and hope?
Like they had last time, when they lost Sophia and Jenna.
Andrea shook her head and rolled eyes along the house, following Danny as he slowly slipped his way around the house and finally out of sight. Yeah, while she wasn't making any moves just yet, she wasn't going to let the opportunity of a clean break slip away. She'd bide her time, keep her eyes peeled and wait for Shane to make the next move.
But in the meantime, she was done sitting around waiting for the next shoe to drop. Slipping her foot off and up to the next rung Andrea shifted her eyes to the top of the RV.
"Hey, Ben—" Miles' voice called out and Andrea raised a brow watching as the boy slipped his gaze over his shoulder and looked at her. He smiled a bit and wiped his hand under the brim of Jim's old hat settled on his head. "Sorry. Thought you were-"
"Hey," Ben's voice rang up from below. The ladder shifted a bit and Andrea angled her eyes downwards to see the boy glaring at her as he worked to get up. "C'mon. Move it or lose it, Andrea."
Andrea raised a brow back at Miles who was chuckling and shrugging and she slipped up the rest of the way. She stepped out of the way and watched the little boy scramble up the ladder, shooting her what could only be described as an incredulous annoyed glance as he moved over to where Miles was set up on the folding chair at the other end. The rifle, the only gun they were allowed to have, was settled between the kid's knees. Andrea shook her head at the fact that somehow this boy had gained more respect than her in handling a weapon and been given the authority to shoulder such a heavy responsibility for the group.
While she was usually settled among the rest of the female throng doing laundry, or cooking.
Andrea watched Ben settle down next to Miles, grabbing a peach out of his shirt and offering it up to the older boy. Miles declined and rubbed at the bridge of his nose before peering at Andrea.
"Somethin' up?" Miles asked shifting a bit to look at her as she walked up to the cooler settled behind him. Andrea shook her head and bent to pick up the straw hat from the top of the cooler. She felt the gaze of both boys on her as she settled it on her head, and it wasn't until her fingers slipped off the brim that she'd realized why.
"S'Jenna's hat," Ben grumbled a bit between his bite of peach and Andrea stilled. The boy was peering at her over his shoulder, and she felt her mouth fall open in response.
"I'm sorry," Andrea touched her fingers to the brim and started to remove it but stopped when the boy shrugged.
"Ain't like she's usin' it," Ben said shifting his eyes towards the tree line again. He took a large bite out of his peach. Miles plopped his broken hand to top of Ben's head and ruffled his hair a bit before slipping his eyes back to Andrea. He gave her a small smile and raised a brow, and suddenly Andrea was hit with the fact that perhaps she'd been so involved with her own problems that she'd just simply missed the point when Miles grew into a man.
"You need somethin'?" Miles repeated giving Ben's head another playful push that the boy swatted off before gingerly grabbing up the binoculars from the spot under the folding chair. Miles shifted his attention back to the grounds, lifting the black plastic to his face with his broken left hand and giving the entire area a once over. Apparently satisfied with what he saw he handed the binoculars to the waiting hands of Ben and shifted in his seat again. "Andrea?"
"I came to take a turn at watch," Andrea said, suddenly feeling like she was the child and he the adult. The look that crossed Miles' face at her words didn't really help alleviate that feeling and she found her anger bubbling anew. Crossing her arms over her chest she glared at him until finally he pursed his lips and slowly got to his feet.
"Hey don't look at me like that," Miles said shifting the rifle in his hands and holding it out to Andrea. "Can't expect me to not be surprised. It's not like you've ever done it before."
"Well, I'm doing it now," Andrea said snatching the rifle and looking at it. Miles watched her study the weapon and smirked shifting on his feet a bit.
"You know how to -"
"Don't even think about finishing that question, Miles." Andrea warned as she gripped the rifle tightly in both hands. Miles lifted his hands to the sky in surrender and let out a small chuckle. Scratching the side of his head where his brow was split open he squinted at her and grimaced a bit. "Go." Andrea said waving a hand at him. "Go. I can handle it."
"Whatever," Miles said again tossing his hands to the sky and working his way towards the ladder. "I'm not gonna say no to a break." Miles slipped to his knees and watched Andrea as she moved to the chair, standing in front of it holding the rifle and just staring out at the rolling fields.
Beside her Ben shifted his gaze away from the raised binoculars and squinted up at her. Andrea looked down at him with a bit of a confused expression on her face and Miles firmed his lips as she shifted on her feet.
"What are you doing?" Andrea asked watching as the boy slipped the binoculars back to his face and again scanned the area.
"Bein' useful," Ben responded in a quick tone that had her brow lifting. He slipped his eyes away from the binoculars and over to her again and she could have sworn he channeled Daryl Dixon when he glared at her in that questioning way. "What're you doin'?"
Miles barked out a laugh from his position on the ladder and Andrea snapped her glaring eyes over to him, catching sight of his blue blood-stained ball cap as it disappeared over the edge. She could still hear him chuckling and shifted her eyes back to Ben, who was looking at her with both brows raised. Waiting for an answer to his question.
"For Christ's sake," Andrea muttered shaking her head and shifting the hat -Jenna's hat- on her head. From his position at her feet Ben shrugged and Andrea rubbed at the bridge of her nose feeling the headache brewing. She could still hear Miles chuckling as he settled his feet onto the ground below and she shifted her eyes over the side to see who he was mumbling to.
"What's with the Annie Oakley routine?" Dale's voice chirped up and she caught the older man's humored eye as he peered up at her.
"Oh Dale," Miles said laughing and shaking his head a bit. "Do not poke the bear right now," Miles said tossing his hands into the air and walking away. "Swear Glenn's right," Dale chuckled and put a hand to the boy's shoulders watching him make his way slowly over towards where Glenn was sitting with T-Dog. Dale waited for Miles to get a bit further away before angling his gaze up to where Andrea stood beside the sitting Ben.
Ben shifted his eyes down to Dale and offered a smile before slipping his binoculars back up to his face. The boy was taking his role as lookout very seriously, and while he wasn't allowed to really do much more than scout the area with the binoculars it still gave him purpose. And as Danny said when he first suggested it at the highway; as long as the kid had purpose he wasn't going to be wandering off and getting into trouble.
"Seriously," Dale said shifting around so that he was standing near the far end of the RV where Andrea and Ben were settled. He watched Andrea lift the rifle, placing the scope to her eyes and testing the weight of it. Beside her Ben watched with a bit of a raised brow as he munched on his peach. "What's the deal?"
"I don't want to wash clothes anymore, Dale." Andrea spat back lowering the rifle and glaring at him. Dale let out a sigh and shook his head. "I want to help keep the camp safe. That alright with you?" Dale sighed again and disappeared inside the RV. Andrea watched him go and heard Ben scoffed a bit as he took another bite out of his peach. "What?"
"Callie does both," Ben mumbled between bites of his peach. "And she don't complain 'bout neither." Andrea let out a long tired sigh.
"Eat your peach, Ben." Andrea muttered shifting and settling herself into the chair.
Ben shrugged a small shoulder and munched into his peach, one hand settled on the binoculars at his face as he continued to scan the area. The sounds of the camp ebbed and flowed around her, at times lost in the light breeze as it swirled around her head and under the flopping brim of Jenna's straw hat. Ben tossed his peach pit to the ground, his eyes never leaving their post at the binoculars he held. Andrea watched his little sandy-blonde head as it shifted this way and that as he scanned the area. His hair was getting a bit darker, not much, but a bit so that even in the sun she could see that the blonde wasn't quite as dominant as it had been months ago.
Then again, she supposed it could just be dirty. The kid apparently shared more than Daryl's attitude nowadays; he also seemed to have picked up the man's habit of not bathing regularly. How Callie dealt with-
"Want a peach?" Ben asked slipping another out of his shirt and holding it up to her. He'd lifted a haughty little brow at her as he smirked up at her, the binoculars still held up so that he could shift back to them in a second if needed. Andrea shook her head, realizing that she'd been staring at him instead of out at the grounds, and that he'd caught her doing it. The boy was gloating at her apparent 'uselessness' and she found herself growling at the sight of the peach he held up to her.
Andrea shook her head roughly and let her eyes wander back out to the grounds, the sound of Ben shuffling and slightly chuckling beside her grating on her last nerve. Honestly, when had she been downgraded from useful member of society to being babysat by a seven-year-old? Amy would be rolling-
Andrea's eyes picked it up at the same time as Ben's did and both of them were shifting from their spots. Ben had stood up, the binoculars pressed hard into his small face as he glared into the shifting sunlight reflecting along the lenses. Andrea propelled herself to her feet.
"Andrea," Ben's small voice echoed out in her ears. And she missed the telling questioning edge to it. The only thing going through her mind at the moment was the way his voice had sounded when the two of them had been trapped in that small bathroom of the RV. The fear. And that fear started to ebb away her resolve just a bit. "Andrea, I can't-"
"Walker!" Andrea yelled, her hands reaching back for the rifle she'd placed at her side. She squinted through the sunlight into the fields that stretched out from the tree line and listened as the camp began stir. "Walker!" Andrea said again as she lifted the rifle to her eye.
"Jesus!" Miles' voice from down below echoed up and she peered over the edge at him. "How many?"
"One," Ben said immediately, the binoculars still pressed firmly into his face. "But I can't—"
"Let's go!" Shane was yelling and drown out whatever Ben was about to say. The boy began to shake his head and squinted harder through the binoculars at the shambling figure. Andrea shifted her eyes to the boy for a second, wondering what his problem was, and then moved her head back to the rifle she held. Andrea stared through the scope of the rifle watching in a sort of rapt horror as the slowly moving dead man as he approached their camp.
"Shane!" Rick's voice was calling out as he came to a stop near Miles who was staring up at Ben and Andrea. "Only one?" Rick asked shifting his attention up to Andrea, she nodded as she looked down at them.
"Yeah," Andrea said putting her eye back to the scope on the rifle. "I bet I can hit it from here."
"No," Rick said, drowning out Miles' hushed 'for fuck's sake' as he moved to grab his bat from where he'd settled it near the back end of the RV. Rick shook his head and stared up at Andrea hard. "No. Don't," Rick's attention shifted from Andrea to Shane who was already running with T-Dog towards the trouble. Glenn had stopped mid-stride his wide eyes sliding back to Rick. "Shane!" he yelled, causing the man to turn to face him. "Hershel wants to deal with Walkers. We should wait-"
"What for man," Shane yelled back a slight tip to his lips that had Rick shaking his head and rushing to follow behind the faster moving Miles. "We got this." Shane shot back. Rick let out a sigh of frustration before rolling his eyes and starting off after them.
"No!" Ben was yelling after them, his hands moving the binoculars down to stare after them as he shook his head. He slammed them back to his face and growled low in his throat. Beside him Andrea was shifting to lay down, her eye still held to the scope. "Idiots," Ben growled as he squinted in the glaring sunlight.
"What is it, son?" Dale's voice echoed in Ben's ears as the old man worked his way up the smaller ladder at the back of the RV. Dale was half hanging from it, his eyes settled upon the outstretched field but he looked back to Andrea.
"I can hit it," Andrea muttered and Dale shook his head his eyes catching on Miles still staring at Ben.
"No," Dale said firmly causing Andrea to scoff and shake her head. Ben stared harder through the binoculars, his head shaking back and forth. "Andrea. Don't." Dale continued, his eyes slipping back to the obviously perturbed Ben. "Ben, what is it?"
"It's," Ben huffed out a breath not quite understanding what wasn't sitting well himself. He didn't remove the binoculars from his eyes as worked his tongue around in his mouth searching for the words to explain himself. "It ain't movin' right." Ben shifted his attention down to Dale and then to Miles who furrowed his brow and shifted his attention to where he could barely make out the shuffling form in the sunlight.
"Go," Dale said to Miles when the boy looked back to him, his hand waving in an arc that sent the teenager on a mad-dash out to the field. Youth and a background in running track gave Miles an edge that none of the elder men had and Dale watched the boy catch up fast. "Ben—"
"I don't know," Ben was aggravated now, his young mind unable to form what he was thinking he was seeing. Dale watched the boy press the binoculars hard against his face again, his small mouth drawn into a tight frown. Beside him Andrea was staring through the scope. "It ain't movin' right." Ben repeated, and Dale frowned as he looked out at the field.
Ben stared hard, the sun reflecting strange and blurring the image in his binoculars. It wasn't moving right. It wasn't. He was smart and he paid attention, just like Callie, Danny and Daryl had always told him too. And it just wasn't right. There wasn't any reason for that single Walker to be bee-lining for their camp. There wasn't any blood. They hadn't made any sounds. That thing was walking in an almost perfect line for them, not shambling about searching out food. It just wasn't…right.
His eyes hit on something hanging off the back of the Walker, the weighty dark mass shifting this way and that with its shambling steps. He squinted hard through the binoculars, half-listening as Dale continued to try and drill home the fact that Andrea wasn't supposed to shoot. And Ben rolled his eyes, tryin' to figure out what part of 'no' was she havin' trouble with. Ben shook his head, and watched as Rick, Miles and the rest stopped close by the Walker.
The Walker that had stopped immediately and made no move to reach for them.
"It just isn't right," Ben muttered again shaking his head as he stared. He watched Rick lift his gun and point it at the Walker, which made the Walker shift just a bit. Shift in just that way that let Ben's eyes focus on that dark mass that had been bobbing around behind the figure.
A crossbow.
Daryl's crossbow.
Ben began pulling the binoculars away from his face slightly so that he could speak properly to the two adults beside him. He was still half staring at the figure, watching Rick's gun slide down as he apparently discovered who was out there. Ben smirked a bit and watched the rest of the men circle him. He watched and felt his worry, the worry that he'd felt since he'd watched Daryl take off earlier. The worry that had kept him up on top of the RV all day watching for the man's return. Felt that start to flow away.
"It's okay," Ben said quietly nodding as he looked through the binoculars. "It's-"
The sound of the rifle going off beside him made Ben's entire body jump in fright. And he watched through his binoculars, in rapt horror, as Daryl's head snapped back and he fell to the ground.
Callie shifted a bit in her seated position, and rested her head back against the side of the house. Her eyes focused on her bare toes wiggling in the slat of sun that filtered out over the shaded spot she found to rest in. With her knees drawn up tight to her chest and her arms resting on top of them she continued to wiggle her toes in the sun.
Her right hand loosely held the cigarette she'd been dying to have for days, while the tips of her fingers played with the chain that she'd settled around her neck hours ago. Bobby's dog tags hung like a lead weight around her neck and the thin metal tags felt like they were burning a hole into her chest.
She stared out at her toes in the sun and in her mind's eye she saw the look etched upon Miles' face when he handed them to her. He'd watched her so closely, so fearfully, that she'd had to fight the urge to grab him and hug him. She knew what he was thinking she'd do, knew exactly what thoughts were rolling around in his head when he handed over those tags. His words 'You take me with you', echoing in her mind.
He expected her to run off to that FEMA station, half-cocked and not takin' no for an answer. And before, before everything that had happened at the CDC and at this farm, she probably would have done just that. Left a little trail of dust and quite a few disgruntled men in her wake as she did it too. But now-Callie shook her head and plucked at the chain around her neck again, causing a bit of ash to fall off the end of her still smoldering cigarette.
Now she didn't know what to do. She was lost.
Half of her wanted to go. Wanted to rush headlong into the throng and see what there was to be seen at that FEMA station. She'd sell it good to the people around her. State that it made sense to check. Made sense to go back and get a few more supplies from that station because you just never knew. Sell the action for the good of the group when really deep down she'd know, fuck they'd all know, that she was going for one reason and one reason alone.
Yeah, half of her wanted to go. Wanted to see if her brother was among the lumbering mass of men that had apparently settled in and around that school.
But then there was another part of her. The part that was starting to realize and take hold of the change in herself, in the people around her, and what they meant to her. What she meant to them. She'd started her picking up of strays as exactly what Dale had said it was. Penance. Penance for the men she'd killed, the children-Sammy and Hannah-whose lives she'd ended. That's all it had been, keeping them safe.
But somewhere down the line, during the horror and the pain, it had become more. They'd become more. All of them. Danny, Miles, Mike, Nina, Jenna, Ben and Gracie. Her misfits. She hadn't really noticed until she'd had to put down Nina and Mike.
Callie groaned low in her throat and sucked in a long drag from her cigarette. 'Put down'. Fuck she hated that term, but what other way was there to say it.
Then Jenna-Callie let the single tear slide down her cheek slowly before she wiped it away and took a drag from her cigarette. She hadn't noticed just how much they'd all grown on her until then. They were her family now. Just like Danny had said countelss times, just like Rick had all but yelled at her and just like Miles had uttered only a few hours ago. They were her family. Her kids. Her brother, if she was being honest about the way Danny fit into her life now, and her deep seeded affection and love for him. She owed them more than they owed her, whether they realized it or not.
They'd kept her going. Kept her sane. And for that, she owed them more than just running off to chase someone's ghost. They deserved more from her than that.
And then there was Rick. A man she'd fast come to the realization with that she loved so dearly, loved in so deep a way that it could only be described as unconditional. Another brother added to her strange post-apocalyptic family tree. She owed him more respect than that. Especially now, when he felt like people's respect and belief in him was dwindling like a low burning flame as he tried desperately to find a way for them all to live safely in this world.
And of course, last but not least, there was Daryl. Callie smirked a bit and took a slow drag off of her cigarette, letting the smoke filter out through her slightly parted lips before she snarled. God, hadn't she put him through enough already?
The man had never asked for the life she'd dealt him. He'd been just fine with the way things were before she showed up at the Quarry with all her kids. And even though she knew she hadn't forced him into anything. Fuck, you didn't force a Dixon into nothin'. She smirked again and took a drag from her cigarette. No, she didn't force him into 'playin' daddy' as he had put it, but she didn't discourage it. She didn't tell him to stop.
Which really had been like giving it her blessing if she thought about it. Because she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, if she would have discouraged it-even once-that man would have taken it as a dismissal and walked away. He was a good man, but he had too much trouble seeing it to have bothered to continue pursuing something that he didn't really need messin' up his life. He would have kept them safe, she knew that without a shadow of a doubt, but he wouldn't have become attached.
Wouldn't have let himself-
Callie took another slow drag from her cigarette and again wiggled her toes in the sun as she fiddled with the chain around her neck. He didn't deserve to come back to this farm and find her gone again. Callie continued to fiddle with the chain around her neck, the sound of her brother's dog tags hitting together muffled beneath her shirt echoing loud in her ears.
But then, didn't Bobby deserve some thought in this world? Didn't Bobby deserve to be found? Alive or dead?
She was so fucking torn and she could feel her nerves, frazzled as they already were, begin to fray just a bit more.
Shaking her head she pulled her fingers from the chain and put thumb and ring finger to the bridge of her nose, her cigarette still held tight between her first two fingers. God fucking damn she needed a sign or something. Some throw down from on-high to tell her what she should do.
"Hey," Danny's voice rang out and Callie barked out a laugh before coughing on the smoke she'd just inhaled. She continued laughing and coughing as she shifted her fingers to point to the air and stared at the clouds overhead.
"Oh that's funny," Callie muttered between coughs. "Real fuckin' funny."
"What?" Danny asked chuckling a bit as Callie continued to cough a bit and wave a hand at him. He angled his head over his shoulder and then slipped around the corner fully, taking a few steps on his own before his hand shot out to the side of the house to support his weight. Callie waved her hand at him and settled her arm back along her raised knees as she watched him approach slowly. "What're you doin' out here?"
Callie waved her cigarette at him in an idle manner and watched him scoff a bit, rubbing a hand along his smooth beardless cheeks as he settled to a stop next to her. He looked years younger clean-shaven, and it brought a smile to her lips as she remembered the day he'd shaved his beard when they were on the road.
"Nice to see you again, Danny-boy," Callie said watching him settle his back to the side of the house and wince out a laugh as he slipped to the ground. Danny settled his left leg out straight, his hand rubbing at the mass of bandages hidden below his cargo pants, and shifted his gaze to her. "Feelin' better?"
"As 'better' as I'm gonna get," Danny replied rubbing at his jaw a bit and smirking at her. Callie nodded her head and grabbed up the pack of cigarettes from the ground beside her. Not even turning to look at him she handed the pack over, a slight chuckling from him hitting her ears before he snatched the offering. "Why is it I suddenly feel like ol' Papa Hershel's gonna come out and bust our asses for smokin'?"
"Probably 'cause this is where Maggie used to come with her friends," Callie said idly taking a drag off her cigarette and watching him light one up. Danny's eyes closed as he inhaled and his head nodded a bit, he rested his arm up on his raised right leg and waved his hand around at the sunlit grounds.
"Yeah, she mentioned that when she pointed me out here," Danny said with a chuckle, slipping his eyes to Callie. "I like her," Danny said nodding. "Spunky." Callie chuckled and nodded before wagging a finger.
"Hands off, Casanova," Callie said pointing a finger at the man now sporting a mocking 'who me?' look on his chuckling face. "I do believe she's spoken for."
"Oh yeah," Danny said waggling his brows. "I think 'spoken for' may even be a bit of an understatement. Girl done been claimed by the Chinaman."
"You don't say," Callie said raising a humored brow as Danny nodded his head vigorously. He held his cigarette wielding hand over his heart and then lifted the other to the sky. "And when did that happen?"
"When they went into town," Danny said laughing when Callie's brows rose even higher.
"Really?" Callie said chuckling and staring incredulously as Danny continued to bob his head enthusiastically. "Mr. Rules to surviving a raid? Really?"
"Uh huh," Danny said waving his cigarette around before taking another puff. "I swear the boy had to have thrown all of them fuckin' rules of his right out the open, unlocked door of that pharmacy they were in when he did it too."
Callie let out a bark of laughter and ran her fingers through the loose strands of her hair. Unbelievable. Not that she didn't see Glenn and Maggie together; they were so smitten it was fucking adorable. But she really thought she had Glenn pegged as the type not to act on it. Shows what she knew.
"So," Danny said after the laughter died down a bit and they'd been sitting in a comfortable silence. "Haven't really had the chance to talk to you lately," he said angling his gaze to her, watching as she fiddled with the chain around her neck.
"Yeah," Callie said quietly eyeing her bare toes as they wiggled in the sun. "Lot of shit's been happening. Lot of shit that I haven't included you in." She looked to him and he smiled a bit. "I'm sorry about that, Danny." Danny waved her off and she smiled wider at him.
"No worries," Danny said quietly watching her continue to wiggle her toes and fiddle with that chain. "I woulda ended up doin' something I'd never be able to live with if I woulda been with you and Rick and that boy at that church. You made the right call there, Cal." She nodded at him and took a drag off her cigarette.
"You okay?" Callie asked quietly her eyes watching him as he smoked, rubbing idly at his wounded leg. He shook his head and shifted his eyes to her.
"No," Danny said in return shifting a bit so that his shoulder was against hers. "You?"
"No," Callie said back, a small sad smile tipping her lips as she locked eyes with him.
"Well that's fuckin' great," Danny said earning another bark of a laugh from the woman beside him. They sat in silence for another few minutes, quietly puffing on their cigarettes and releasing the smoke to the clear sunny sky around them. Finally Danny shifted again, his shoulder bumping into hers. "Saw you talkin' with Miles," Danny said lifting a brow when she shifted her attention to him. "Anything interestin' come up?"
Callie slipped her cigarette into her mouth and sucked in a slow final drag from it, her eyes settled out on the sun-soaked lawn before them. She removed it slowly, staring at it between her fingers as she yet again fiddled with the chain around her neck. The dog tags hidden from view moving softly under the fabric of her shirt. She closed her eyes as she let out the smoke she'd been holding in and shrugged her shoulders under Danny's questioning gaze.
"Nope," Callie said quietly, her eyes lingering on the smoldering butt in her fingers. She shifted her eyes to Danny, who looked like he believed her about as much as she expected him to. She lifted a brow at him and smiled slyly, causing him to sit up a bit in anticipation. "Saw you chattin' with our host."
"Oh yeah," Danny said sitting back again and letting his head hit off the side of the house they were resting against. "Me and Hersh, we're like this," Danny lifted the fingers of his left hand and crossed the first two. Callie chuckled watching Danny take a long drag from his cigarette as he smiled at her. She shook her head and let him snatch her smoldering cigarette from the tips of her fingers. He lifted the heel of his right foot enough to be able to butt them out, pinching out the remaining ash before pocketing the filters. An action that caused her to chuckle. "What?" Danny said elbowing her. "Our friendship is new. I ain't gonna go tossing my cigarettes 'round on his lawn, messin' shit up."
"Could probably blame it on Maggie," Callie said chuckling a bit, lifting her brows and continuing in a sarcastic tone. "She's a rebel."
"I like her a lot," Danny said smiling widely as he nodded his head.
Callie nodded in return and the two of them fell back into a comfortable, but sad silence. Danny shifted a bit, a low hiss of pain sliding out between his clenched teeth as he did it, and Callie hugged her legs a bit tighter to her chest as she watched him. He was working to try and lift his left knee, only succeeding in getting it bent maybe a fraction of an inch before he gave up and then tried again. Callie continued to watch him, his face etched with pain but riding above that pain was a determination she hadn't ever seen before. After maybe a minute or two he gave up, and snatched the pack of cigarettes from the ground between them. He knocked out two, lit them both with the lighter shoved in the cellophane wrapping and then shoved one over to her. Smiling Callie took the cigarette and let her fingers hook into his for a minute.
Danny shifted his eyes to her and threaded his fingers into her hand, squeezing slightly and taking her offered support without a word against it.
"Ya know," Danny said looking away from her and angling his chin out towards the sunny day and green grass beyond their shadows. "First time I saw this place it reminded me of your place in Georgetown." Callie shifted her eyes away from him and out to the green grass and her toes wiggling in the sun. Danny peered at her and then looked back to the lawn. "That big ol' house of yours with that fuckin' white picket fence."
Callie chuckled at that, remembering well Danny's initial reaction to her family's big old plantation house settled on that big patch of land. That white picket fence bringing out that smile of his. But that smile hadn't lasted long, and the one that had snaked its way on to her face now was soon falling as memories of what had caused his smile to fade came back. Callie nodded her head idly as Danny apparently fell into what he deemed the happy portion of that memory.
"Yeah," Callie responded to him, her cigarette bouncing on her lips with the word as she rested her chin on her knees. His eyes drifted over to her and she nodded while working to smile but she couldn't quite get it there. Because while she'd thought the same thing about this house and the wealth of beauty that surrounded them, the shadow that had been hung over her old home was one that would never let sun shine down upon that house again. "Yeah, it does." Danny's eyes had narrowed at her tone and she shifted her eyes out to the lawn. "The only thing missing are the little graves…"
Callie's head snapped up from its resting position the second the words left her mouth, her cigarette hanging precariously from her slightly parted lips. Her eyes narrowed on the stretch of land that lay before them, and then her head was whipping about to the other side. She unlaced their fingers as she furrowed her brow and Danny watched her with a wary eye as she tossed her cigarette to the ground.
"Oh Cal," Danny's voiced echoed far off in her brain and she shifted her eyes to him but didn't really see him. "Callie?" Danny shifted and tossed his own cigarette off to where hers hand landed and worked to get his body to a standing position.
"There aren't any graves," Callie mumbled half in response to Danny's questioning and half to herself. Her mind's eye went back to that little photo she'd stared at on Hershel's desk. The one of his family. Maggie and Beth, and the boy who she assumed to be his son. 'I understand the devastation of outliving a child'. The woman beside him in the photo; his wife. "There aren't any graves," Callie said getting to her feet.
The fleeting memory of Beth's horror-stricken face when she'd stumbled upon Callie and Jenna that first night. The firsthand knowledge of this disease and what it could do that had shown in that girl's eyes. Jimmy going back to bury his dead. It was all mashing together in some strange way in her head and had her head turning this way and that.
She half-heard Danny struggling to his feet, his questions of 'what is it?' being shaken off as she continued to search.
"We bury our dead," Callie muttered as she took a step out from the house, her eyes slipped back to Danny as he got his feet. He pressed a hand to the side of the house and held himself up as he stared back, his brow furrowed as he tried to follow what she was saying. "We bury our dead, Danny." He nodded slowly, and she shook her head.
"Cal, I don't understand-" Danny stumbled forward a bit, his hand reaching out to her.
Callie shook her head. It could have been possible that they had died before all this happened. That there was nothing out of the ordinary about the fact that there were no little graves anywhere she'd seen on this property for Hershel's wife and son. It was possible she was reading too much into the look that she'd seen on Beth's face, or the ones she'd seen shared between Maggie, Patricia and Beth when they thought no one was looking. But for some reason, she couldn't seem to shake the bad feeling that had settled in her bones.
"Where's Hershel?" Callie asked quietly reaching out and grabbing Danny's arm. He looked at her for a minute, still trying to process her odd behavior and she shook her head. "Danny?"
"He was inside, but he was heading down to the barn," Danny said tossing his thumb over his shoulder. "Callie what's gotten into you?"
"I just," Callie ran her hand over her face and raked her fingers through her hair. "I just have a question for him."
"I'll go with you," Danny said nodding his head and following slowly behind her as she began to make her way around the house. Callie's head was shaking as she walked, her eyes slipping over her shoulder to watch Danny as he staggered towards her.
"No," Callie said earning a raised brow from her friend. She shook her head and tried to smile but couldn't muster the energy to do it and instead let out a frustrated sigh. "Look Danny, -"
The sound of the gun going off had both Callie and Danny turning towards the RV. Callie's eyes went wide, knowing that she'd left Ben and Miles up there not long ago. Danny had limped his way to her side now, and they both stood frozen for a second staring up at their camp area; distance making it impossible to see what was going on.
"Miles was on watch right?" Danny asked as Callie's gaze slipped to them.
"He wouldn't shoot that gun," Callie said quietly. Danny nodded his head, both of them confident in the boy's common sense. "Not a chance in hell."
And then the yelling started. Agonizing cries that Callie immediately recognized as Ben's had her blood running cold in her veins. She dashed forward a few paces, listening to the pained gasps of Danny as he tried to move with her. She looked back as she ran, and he waved his hand at her angrily.
"Go! Go!" Danny yelled, as he continued to wave her off. Callie nodded at him and then turned back towards the camp that was now bustling with activity. She ran as fast as she could, her bare feet slapping against the hard ground painfully. Her heart was thudding in her chest when she crested the hill, spotting Andrea working her way down the ladder of the RV and Dale holding on to Ben. The little boy's arms and legs were thrashing about as Dale knelt on the ground and worked to calm him down.
Callie fell to her knees beside Dale, one of her hands going to the older man's shoulder and the other coming around to where his hands were clasped around Ben's body. Ben immediately looked up at her, pain etched into his features and tears streaming down his face.
"What happened?" Callie asked her hand slipping to Ben's face, as she wiped away some of the tears. The boy scrunched his face up in a pain-filled expression at her touch, his breathing coming out in harsh gasps. Callie shifted her attention to Dale who let his arms go from Ben, watching the boy struggle with his emotions. Andrea came to a stop behind Dale, her eyes steady out on the field and Callie shifted her attention to follow the other woman's gaze, but Ben's deep inhale had her looking back to him.
"It was Daryl!" Ben practically screamed, his eyes glaring daggers at Andrea before he rammed his entire body into Callie's chest. His last words, mumbled despairingly into her chest had Callie's breath halting painfully in her chest and her heart stopping. "She shot Daryl."
Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
~Hallelujah/ Rufus Wainwright
AN: Okay, yeah…so I don't have much to say here. Those last couple chapters really took it out of me and damn… this one was hard. I honestly have no feel for Andrea, even though I love her character I really can't say I have much of a feel for her at the moment. I'm hoping that changes soon, 'cause she's a role to play!
I hope you guys enjoyed this one, which was really, filler with a bit of plot movement.
As a special note to you guys, because y'all rock hard! We've reached +320k words for this "little" story of mine, 388 reviews (fuckin awesome!), 62 favorites, and 106 alerts. For God's sake people, you spoil me. I love each and every one of you so much that it quite honestly hurts. I don't know what more to say other than thank you all from the very bottom of my heart for your support of this story. It's become more than a story for me, it's become a life-line that I really didn't know that I needed.
So again, thank you so much!