Some expansion. Less me-centric and more about the crazy Uchiha family and some fun facts about the Shinobi Villages. And Itachi's less than pretty prettiness.

I'm engaged to Uchiha Itachi.

It's a business deal, actually. I marry Itachi, Itachi becomes clan head, I become fourth branch head, and both first and fourth branches gain greater influence over the clan.

…

Yeah. I'm in deep shit.

When I said there were no other kids at the party…apparently there were no other kids at all. I'm not sure what that means for our clan's future, but hey, at least we won't have to worry about it in a couple of years, right?

Bah.

Stupid shit Uchiha family planning.

Now I can't even stay away from Itachi's weasel eyes. Hah! Weasel eyes, get it?

…I admit, my sense of humour since the Uchiha has severely deteriorated. Sigh. If there's one failing in our clan, it's that.

I mean, I don't even remember frowning so much before I came here. I'm only four and I have scowl lines. Itachi's eight and he already has those ugly stress lines on his face. Geh.

If there's one thing I have to say for meeting the Uchiha Itachi in real life, it's that he isn't as handsome as portrayed in the manga. Or even half as handsome as seen from afar.

He's got eyebags and stress lines and this really intense look in his eyes like he's trying to psychically squeeze the juice out of me. He also has that gaunt expression that comes about when you lose your baby fat too early. He's eight years old and he's skinny as a rake with nothing soft on him.

Yurgh.

Until he grows into his muscles, he'll keep looking like some too-square-jawed, gorged-on-steroids dwarf. He doesn't even look eight anymore. So much for doing child-baiting missions. Unless it was in the really poor parts of town, but even then, there's too much muscle on him to be anything but a child soldier.

And I'm engaged to this poor freak. Argh.

The saddest part of it is that it's a common appearance around the village. There aren't any shinobi as extreme as he is, but there are some who come close. Most children who show promise in the big clans get drafted really early, and there's actually a special accelerated class for them. It used to be that those kids would graduate at eight or nine, but now that we've had a few years to adjust to the ceasefire, we're not pushing our children as much.

So now they get out around ten or eleven. And look much healthier.

But Itachi caught the tail-end of the last arms race because of his geniusness and now he's the last of the generation who grew up too fast even for shinobi. And even with the bulk of the war over (we're still having a cold war with Kumo and Iwa) he still has to deal with the heaping expectations of his asshole of a dad.

Seriously, it's no wonder he became ANBU so young even though it's 'peacetime'. His dad keeps pushing him and pushing him and pushing him, I'm surprised he didn't have a psychotic break and murderized him.

Seriously: "As expected of my son." "As expected of my heir." "As expected of blahblahblah." "Such is the strength of my blood."

It's not even a compliment. It's self-aggrandizement. And dude! Mikoto-sama had a hand in it too! More, since she carried him and gave birth to him.

And gave him a second affinity too. Itachi's a fire-earth. It kind of makes sense, since he's a really down-to-earth guy who doesn't get a bloated head from…anything really. That's the only thing Fugaku-sama isn't as happy about, because earth isn't the flashiest or most offensive affinity.

Talking to him is a bit strange. It see-saws between talking with a peer, talking to someone a little (a lot) socially-retarded, and talking to a grandpa. He only ever speaks when he can't grunt a reply, and most of the time he brings Sasuke along for our play dates.

Yeah, we have play dates. At least they still have enough common sense not to marry two complete strangers together. Not that they had enough not to engage the aforementioned.

I'm a little shocked Mikoto-sama let him take her baby out, actually. But even the wife of the clan head has duties (which she will be teaching me pretty soon…ugh) and with Itachi around and still chuunin, babysitters are moot.

He also never lets me hold Sasuke. It's annoying, because three-year-old Sasuke is adorable but I can still press close and coo. Sasuke pretty much likes everyone and never cries, so he's the best toddler…ever.

He's also the laziest, because his big brother carries him everywhere.

Most of our play dates are focused around Sasuke actually. We're not allowed to leave clan grounds, and walking along the main street gets catcalls and 'awwing' and Sasuke-stealing (everyone wants to hold him), so we usually head to one of the private training fields. We spent the first few at his family's fields before I got pissed at doing all the walking and made him come over to the mine.

Of course, the first time all my cousins wanted to come and stare at him, which made me empty my shuriken pouch at them until they fled.

I think Itachi thinks that I'm a little unhinged.

Oh yeah, my cousins.

They're assholes.

All of them are way, way older than me, and also jealous because I'm progressing so quickly. One or two of them had been in line for branch head before I was born, but mostly they just didn't like how I was becoming their branch's Itachi. Most of them are slightly older than Shisui, which means eighteen to nineteen, but truthfully, they're not much more mature. And a lot more malicious.

A lot of them kind of hate that I'll be stronger than them before I reach adolescence.

Unfortunately for them, or fortunately for me, they mostly stuck to snide remarks and glaring. As a kid, I have a lot of freedom in terms of etiquette. Which means when they try to poke fun at me, I can upend the lunch table on them. It just takes some carefully applied chakra enhancement.

I'm also allowed to chuck weapons at them, because they can't call themselves ninja if they can't avoid a four-year-old kid's throwing. Too bad for them that I add chakra to everything I do.

I love my chakra pool.

Of course, I still conk out when I overreach myself, but so far so good—I haven't fainted in front of Itachi yet. I've ended up white and gasping, but nothing a sit-down for a while couldn't cure.

The tenacity of children is something to admire.

Mom's also started me on the famed Uchiha wire techniques, which are awesome and so much fun. Sure, Itachi had to untangle me from one or two webs, but it was. Worth. It.

If you hadn't figured out, I'm born in the year of the Monkey. Sasuke, hilariously, was born in the year of the Rooster.

Explains the hair, don't it?

And Itachi is born in badum badum badum…yep. The year of the Dragon.

Poor kid.

To make things even worse…it was a fire dragon.

Ahahahaha, yeah. Even the ones who didn't really subscribe to the superstition couldn't help but admire the timing.

Fun fact though: Even though this is Fire Country, the dragon we like the best is the earth dragon. Because we're in a forest and the connection is obvious. Same with Kiri and the fire dragon, or Suna and the water dragon. With a less obvious connection, Kumo likes the metal dragon while Iwa likes the wood one.

Why does Iwa like the wood one?

Hilariously enough, it's the mountain range they built on. Kumo's mountain is actually a lot more structurally sound than Iwa's, and of course, they have the best technology. So Iwa used to suffer from rock avalanches until the Shodaime and Nidaime Tsuchikages managed to develop a jutsu that put a stop to that.

With such poor location planning, it isn't surprising that Iwa's the most desperate and cutthroat of all the Great Shinobi Countries.

Well…not that they had much choice of hidden locations.

Funny enough, Konoha's the only village that isn't really that hidden. Sure, we're in a forest, but we've got a road to our front door for goodness' sake.

Anyway, back to Itachi. The poor kid always looks kind of suffering whenever he comes over. Actually, he looks suffering no matter what he does. He trains every day and when he's not on missions, he's doing something or other for his dad, or going on play dates with me.

The most insulting part is that he prefers to train than talk to me.

Oh, he's polite enough, but we both know that the whole thing is ridiculous. I'm only a year older than his younger brother, and barely reach his shoulders. He has to call me 'Midori-hime' and I have to call him 'Itachi-kun'.

I think I got the better end of the deal.

But it's still weird having him calling me hime of all things in order to show everyone our engagement and affection. I don't know if it was the elders or Mikoto-sama or even my own mother.

Ugh.

xXXx

Shisui gatecrashed our 'outing'. It's our first play date outside of the Uchiha district and we were supposed to have a chaperone but I threw a fit when they picked my sleaziest cousin. The idiot would spend more time hitting (ineffectually) on girls and trying to play up the 'Uchiha Mystery' charm than watching us. When they tried to switch to Itachi's bitchiest and most power-hungry cousin…

I found out I could do Goukakyu after all.

Sure, not very effectively, but enough to set her sleeve on fire.

Oh, by the way, I'm an 'adult' now.

So no chaperone.

But there's Shisui.

Uchiha Shisui, to put it in a word, is annoying. He talks non-stop, calls Itachi and I 'lovebirds', made fun of our forced nicknames for each other until Itachi refused to talk, and kept trying to make us kiss.

He is, in another word, immature.

It was the first time Itachi and I actually saw eye-to-eye. I couldn't pull a prank or get violent in public, which was awful, but at least I had someone to suffer with me.

We traded matching looks of exasperation throughout the whole trip and Itachi didn't even protest this time when I tripped Shisui with ninja wire on returning home. He actually helped me get him into position.

When I ranted to Mom over dinner, she actually sniggered—sniggered—at my plight.

God, everyone is against me here.

'Cept Itachi, he's okay.

And Sasuke, he's adorable.

I'm going to stop first person next chapter. Can't get proper perspective otherwise. ^^ It'll be less cracky and fun, but it'll allow you guys to see other parts 'I' can't.

Yes, yes, I am now effectively chained to the side of the person I wanted to avoid the most. Wow, fate, you so good to me! Hahahaha! And he isn't even pretty!

Memory25