New Meanings To Old Words: Love
Barn-mageddon part 2… electric boogaloo. Well, not really, but we're moving forward people. Moving forward. A quick shout out to all the new readers/reviewers. I love the comments y'all are sending in and appreciate you more and more with each passing day. I'm so utterly flabbergasted with the support I just don't know what to do with myself half the time.
As always read, review and most of all enjoy!
~michelle
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Callie and the crew of misfits (Danny, Miles, Jenna, Mike, Nina, Ben and Gracie).
Back Against The Wall
Callie sat back on her heels and stared at her hands as they shook.
She'd extricated herself from the tension-filled area down by the barn-the Walker-filled barn- nearly a half an hour ago. She'd bypassed the reaching worried hands of Danny and Maggie and the strangely unsettled look on Hershel's face and walked straight towards the RV. Miles had been settled inside, Gracie on his lap as he cleaned the small cuts on the little girl's hands.
Ben and Carl had jumped up from their seats across from Miles at the small table and barraged her with a myriad of questions that she just wasn't up for answering. Her blood had been pounding too fast in her head and her only thoughts were focused on the poor baby-girl still hiding her face with her mass of curls.
"Knock it off," Miles had spat out at the two boys as they continued to shoot question after question at Callie as she crouched down in front of Gracie. Miles slipped his face towards her as the two boys quieted and settled back in at the little table. "You okay?"
Callie had nodded, lifting her eyes briefly to him before lifting a hand and moving the hair that veiled Gracie's face. The little girl looked up and Callie's head tilted to the side as she regarded the tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes.
"I'm sorry, Gracie," Callie said quietly. "Did I hurt you any?" Gracie's head shook a few times and she sniffed as she lifted her hands up. Callie took each hand and kissed them in turn before placing them back on the little girl's lap.
"Callie," Ben's voice, a bit shakier than it had been before, had her turning to where he was settled with Carl. "What happened?"
"A lot of stupidity happened," Callie had said rubbing her thumbs along Gracie's hands as she looked at each boy in turn. "I wanna hear from both of you right now that you will not go near that barn." Both Carl and Ben perked and then opened their mouths but Callie's head shook. "There are only two words I want to hear."
"Yes ma'am," both Ben and Carl said at the same time and she nodded before shifting her eyes to Miles.
"Seriously?" Miles responded and she'd raised a brow. Miles huffed and shook his head before shaking his head. "Yes ma'am," Miles said in an exasperated, slightly amused tone. Callie had nodded and wiped her fingers along Gracie's wet cheeks feeling Miles watch her. "We still headin' out?"
"Yeah," Callie said getting to her feet. "Bit of a change of plans but yeah," Callie wiped her hands on her pants and had stared at the sleeve of her shirt, feeling the eyes of all of the kids on it. "I'm gonna get changed. We're gonna take Gracie with us."
"Serious-" Miles stopped and lifted a hand as she snapped her eyes back at him. "Yes, ma'am. I'll have her ready."
"Gracie's going? No way. I wanna -" Ben began and Callie turned to him with a stern face.
"Aren't you supposed to be on watch?" Callie shot back and the boy's eyes flared wide and his chin tilted up. "Go on, get up there," Callie shooed him away. Ben stood up and moved out of the RV pushing past Dale who was entering. Callie turned to Carl. "And aren't you supposed to be in the house resting?" Carl got to his feet and started to take a step away but stopped before reaching the door.
"Did a Walker get you?" Carl said eyeing Callie's torn shirt and the small blood stains on the front.
"Almost," Callie returned quietly eyeing the boy who continued to stare at her shirt. "Get to the house. No detours. I'll be watching." Callie jutted her chin out the door and finally caught Dale's worried gaze. The older man stepped out of Carl's way and made his way towards her and just as his mouth opened she lifted a hand and stopped him. "Not now, Dale. I need to change." Dale ignored her and grabbed for her arm anyway and she sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "Can you keep an eye on Ben and-"
"Of course," Dale said immediately cutting her off before she could utter anything further. "I'll watch them." His grip tightened on her arm just a bit and she patted his hand tiredly. "Are you alright?"
"No," Callie said slipping away from Dale's grip. "I just need," She shook her head and closed her eyes before finishing. "I need to get away from here for a while." Dale frowned but nodded as she shifted her eyes back to Miles and pointed a finger. "I'll meet you right here. Do not leave the RV until I come for you. Clear?" Miles nodded, shifting his wide eyes to Dale as he held Gracie a bit tighter on his lap.
Callie had given a final nod to Dale before leaving the RV and stalking past everyone as they filtered back up towards the camp area. She'd felt Daryl's hot gaze on her as she walked, but by the time she looked up she was only able to catch sight of his back as he stalked towards the stables. Carol had shifted her eyes to Callie, and Callie had sighed and gave her a pleading look that the woman instantly understood as she took off after the angry stalking dumbass heading off to try and get his ass killed…again.
Callie's shook her head and her eyes slipped to her wrist where the sleeve Daryl had ripped off of her shirt in his frantic need to see that she was okay had pooled. Her hands shook more as the memory of how utterly frenzied his actions had been; the look on his face as he stared up at her after assuring himself that she wasn't bit or scratched. The way he'd stared at her when she assured him that she was fine.
That they were fine.
What a load of shit that had been.
Fine? How could they be fine with a barn full -not just the one or two that Callie had originally suspected, but an entire fucking barn full- of Walkers settled only a few yards away? A rickety wooden exterior and a few chains the only thing protecting them from the horror inside.
Fine. Yeah, sure.
And then there was Shane. Fuck.
Callie clenched her hands tight at that point and then tore at the fabric pooled at her wrist, throwing it to the side. She took three deep breaths and then wrenched her shirt off over her head. She threw the ruined article of clothing across the tent with the sleeve and put her hands to her knees as she stared at her mostly packed bags before her.
'Like being mad at the weatherman for the rain,' Danny had said about what happened at the Quarry. 'We should have known better.'
Or maybe the people who did know better should have made more of an effort to convince the ones that didn't. Callie growled low in her throat as her fingers dug into her knees. The fact that Shane may have been right about something wasn't sitting well in her stomach at all. Callie shoved her hands towards her bag just as the flap to the tent pulled back.
"Callie—" Rick's voice had her turning and she watched him turn his head away as he stepped into the tent. "Sorry." Rick muttered as he raked a hand through his hair. Callie watched his back as he paced a few steps away from where she was settled and let out a low sigh.
"S'nothing you haven't seen before Rick," Callie said grabbing a t-shirt and standing up just as he turned back to face her. Clad only in her bra and jeans she gave him a small smile and he shook his head. "Or do you forget helping me get dressed in Atlanta?"
"No, I remember." Rick said his eyes staying on hers as she shifted her shirt around to find the opening. "You never did tell Lori."
"Yeah, well," Callie said as she ducked her head through the opening and pulled. "I guess that's because I'm not as dumb as I tend to act." Rick chuckled and shook his head as she finished pulling her shirt on.
"Are you a'right?" Rick asked stepping forward and blocking her path out of the tent. He stared hard at her arm and she rubbed at it idly.
"I'm fine," Callie said letting her hand fall as he regarded her with a disbelieving look. "It was a close call. Too close for my liking. But I'm fine."
"Miles says you're still headin' out," Rick said watching her as she adjusted her shirt around her torso. "Says you're takin' Gracie. You really think that's a good idea?"
"She's been traumatized," Callie said angrily running her hands through her hair. "Again." Rick let out a rough sigh and dipped his chin to his chest as he stared at her. "I'm not leaving her alone and letting her fall back into that pit that she'd just started crawling out of. What kind of parent would I be if I did that?"
"So stay here," Rick said tossing out a hand. "Don't—"
"I need to get away, Rick," Callie said with a sigh as she reached out to him. Her hand fell back to her side as he turned from her and she let out another sigh. "I need a bit of room to breathe, and right now I can't do that here. I need to think," Callie ran both hands through her hair and looked around the tent. "We all do."
"I saw Daryl leaving the stable not too long ago," Rick said and Callie's eyes lifted to him. "Carol was following him. He's not gonna do anything rash…."
"The hell he ain't," Callie snapped, a smirk riding her lips. "He would. Trust me. But he's not gonna get the chance. Hence why Carol's doggin' him," Callie said quietly as she shifted her eyes back to the 'bed' that she Daryl and the kids had shared last night. "Dale's on him too," She smiled just a bit and then shook her head. "He's gonna try, but he's gonna fail. I will not risk losing him again."
"Callie—" Rick stepped forward and she shifted away from him as he reached out a hand.
Callie raised a hand and half-turned from him as she moved to take her gun from her waistband so that she could tuck her new shirt into place. Her hand stopped as it settled on the butt of the gun and she stared at her still slightly trembling fingers. The look in Shane's eyes as he stared down at her; the feel of his hot breath on her face as he pulled just a bit at that gun; the threat that had lingered and had her fleeing the safety of the camp so that she could put her mind back at ease. Her eyes closed briefly but flared open again as Rick's hand clamped down on hers.
Rick's eyes were harsh as he stared down at her, a brief flash of something in them before he slipped his eyes down to where their hands sat atop her gun. Her mouth opened to say something but snapped shut as he roughly moved her hand and took her gun from her waistband. He shifted it expertly in his hand and set it on the small camping stool beside his leg. A second later he removed his gun from the holster at his hip and the radio from his back.
"Rick-" Callie's voice was confused and she felt her mouth hanging open slightly as she watched him unbuckle the holster from his hips. "What are you-?"
"C'mere," Rick said stepping a bit closer as she pulled back, completely ignoring her questions. His hand shot out and grabbed for her wrist pulling her closer. She came back stiffly, watching in stunned silence as he shifted the belt behind her and then began to buckle it again this time around her hips. The intimacy of the moment was not lost on Callie and she stilled as he worked the worn leather belt through the metal clasp. "I got another of these in my bag, so you take this one. You know how this works?" Rick asked, his mind obviously intent on the task instead of the strange intimate feel of the moment. Callie shifted a bit and opened her mouth to speak but again Rick cut her off. He picked up her gun, checking the safety in a habitual move that had Callie smiling just a bit and then shoved it into the holster now settled at her right hip. "You're right handed right?" Rick asked idly as he adjusted the belt so that the gun sat properly on her hips. His fingers tipped off of the compass clipped to her belt loop and he tapped it twice before stepping back to look at his handy work. Nodding his head he pulled on the small leather strap that hooked over the gun. "This strap here goes over the gun while it's sittin' in the holster so that it won't fall out. So no one can take it out-"
"Rick," Callie's hand lifted then and settled atop his again on the butt of her gun. His eyes, wild and worried slipped up to hers and she squeezed his hand. "He's not going to try and kill me. He was angry and I was the closest outlet," Callie squeezed his hand and shifted forward. "He's not going to-" she stopped and caught his eyes when he tried to again dip his head away. "You know him."
"I thought I did," Rick said quietly his head nodding as he licked at his lips. "I thought I did, but down at that barn," Rick shook his head and shifted his hand out from under hers raking it through his slightly mussed hair. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't know this Shane. Maybe I need to get to know him."
"I don't think you want to," Callie said putting her hands to the holster settled at her hips. It felt strange and looked ridiculous but she felt the sentiment behind its placement like a brick to the head and again slipped her eyes to Rick as he turned away from her.
"What I want to do and what I need to do are two very different things, Callie. You know that," Rick said shifting his eyes over his shoulder briefly before looking back to his gun. He dipped and picked it up, again checking the safety before slipping it behind his back. His hands held there at the gun settled at the small of his back and she watched his shoulders stiffen just a bit as he stared at the floor. "Was he right? 'Bout being able to read you?"
"At one time, yeah, he woulda been right." Callie said honestly and Rick shifted around to stare at her. She smiled at him tightly and put her hands to her hips, her fingers settled along the gun belt tapping idly as he continued to stare at her. "But the way I wear my gun is more a habit than anything else now. I don't need this, Rick. You don't need to worry-"
"Yeah, and you don't need to sick a babysitter on Daryl." Rick snapped back as he again dipped his chin to his chest. His eyes lifted to her, a steady gaze through thin lashes that bored deep into her. "He's not gonna do anything rash, even if he wants to. He's got too much to lose." Callie's lips firmed and she shifted on her feet as she held Rick's gaze wondering which 'he' Rick was talking about. He jutted his chin towards her, his gaze slipping to the belt at her hips. "But we must just be two peas in a pod. Because I'm not gonna risk losing you either. So, unnecessary as it may be," Rick lifted his head and pointed a sharp finger at her. "Wear the fuckin' holster, Callie."
"Well, a'right then," Callie said shifting a small smile to him as he shook his head. He turned from her again, snatching the radio from the stool and made his way towards the flap in the tent. "What are you gonna do?"
"What I need to," Rick said shifting his eyes over his shoulder again. "I'm gonna talk to Hershel. See what I can figure out."
"Do you want me to—"
"No," Rick said again cutting her off as he turned to look at her. "I got this. You go. Clear your head," Rick said giving her a tightlipped but sincere smile. "Do what you got to do, and get back safe. We'll talk later."
Callie watched Rick duck out of the tent and let her hands fall limp to her sides. After another moment she slipped her eyes to the foreign weight of the belt around her hips. She slid her hand down to where her knife was settled at her thigh and realized that she was probably going to have to readjust everything just to accommodate Rick's odd request. Her eyes flipped out to the sun shining outside of the tent and she huffed out a breath.
"The things we do for the people we love," Callie muttered as she shifted her eyes around the tent again.
Daryl stalked a few steps in front of Carol, listening intently to her footsteps along the crunching grass and sticks as they made their way towards the small pond. He huffed out a breath as he slipped his eyes over the horizon and raked a hand through his hair before shakin' his head.
He'd fucked up.
Big time. Not only with Carol, but with Callie. But since Callie was still out he couldn't really do nothing to fix that fuck up 'til she got back.
If she got back.
Daryl growled low in his throat and he heard Carol let out a sigh at the sound as she caught up to him. That sound had his mind slipping back to a few hours ago when she'd made that same sound as he stalked away from her at the stables. He'd been livid after that shit at the barn.
Fuckin' blood-thirsty livid.
He couldn't fathom why Rick-fuckin' Rick of all people- wouldn't just let him beat the living shit out of Shane for what he'd said to Callie. That shit he'd laid down on Callie. That threat. It had been said in a tone low enough that not everyone had picked up on it, but Daryl had. He'd heard it loud and clear. Fuckin' seen the bastard put his hand on Callie's gun and make to draw it on her.
And Daryl had seen fuckin' red. He'd lunged and swung and been dead set on takin' that shaved-headed bastard out right then and there. Walkin' 'round threatening people. First a kid. Then a woman. His fuckin' woman.
That shit was just the last straw.
Yeah, Daryl had been livid. And when that shot rang out from Danny's rifle he'd been shocked for a second, but that second passed quickly and he'd lunged right back for Shane. Then he'd seen Callie walking away. Seen her shakin' off Danny's worried hands and workin' her way away without even sparin' a glance back his way. Rick had pulled him off and he'd stood there fuckin' dumbfounded for a minute, watchin' Callie's figure slip towards their campsite and the RV.
His mind had cleared in that moment, cleared and settled on the memory of Gracie's scared little face and he'd seen red again. His eyes had slipped to the barn and then he'd been the one bypassin' reaching hands and stalkin' off. And fuck if Carol hadn't followed behind him.
She'd followed him as he stalked right past the RV and down towards the stables. Followed him and irked him and made him madder than hell with her worried frowns and gentle words. And he's snapped at her somethin' fierce in that barn.
Projectin' his wrath all over that poor woman, as Callie woulda called it. And it wasn't until he'd cooled off that he'd realized he'd done wrong by Carol. Wasn't until he'd been sittin' alone and the wisp of a woman had stepped up to him again that he saw it.
"What the fuck you want now?" Daryl had snapped as he glared up at her from where he sat beside the broke down fireplace of some once standing building. He'd found the spot yesterday, him and Gracie, and he'd liked it immediately. Still near to camp, but far enough away that he could think clearly. And now here was Carol, all up in his fuckin' happy place. He'd glared up at her and she'd crossed her arms over her chest in an act of boldness that had his eyes narrowing.
"You said you wanted to talk to me," Carol said in a matter-of-fact tone that had Daryl's brow lifting. She tilted her chin up in a defiant sort of way and looked down her nose at him. "At breakfast," Carol clarified in that calm, sweet tone of hers. "You said we needed to talk." She took in a breath and let her hands fall, chin still tilted up slightly as she stared down at him. "Well here I am."
Daryl snarled at himself, his tongue darting out to wet his bruised lip from one of Shane's lucky fuckin' punches. His eyes shifted to the side and he'd bit at the inside of his cheek for a good long minute before his eyes lifted back to her.
"Where are we going?" Carol asked from behind him now and he spared a look over his shoulder to see her eyes searching the field around them. He growled and ducked his head before waving an arm.
"Just, shut up and c'mon," Daryl said shifting his eyes forward. He could see the little bramble of Cherokee Roses now and sped up just a bit as she closed in on his slow moving ass. He shifted his eyes back to her and caught her confused gaze. "C'mon. See it?"
Daryl stopped and pointed his finger towards the roses, waiting a few seconds as she slipped up towards him. She stopped right beside him and he felt his body move instinctually away. Her eyes shifted to him briefly, down to his feet as they stepped back and then her head was shaking as she looked to where he was pointin'. The sadness reflected in her eyes reminded him of every time Dale reached a hand out to him and he backed away.
Daryl's eyes slipped down to his feet and he took that step back towards the woman beside him. Her eyes never left the little white flowers scattered about before them, not until he spoke again.
"I'll find her," Daryl said quietly. Carol's eyes slid to him and he shifted his gaze to the flowers. "We'll find her." He amended his mind again on Callie, out there searching now.
Carol didn't say anything for a moment, simply stared at him until he again got uncomfortable and shifted slightly away. Daryl's hand lifted up and he bit at the cuticle around his thumb, his eyes catching on the slight bruising on his knuckles. The unbidden smirk on his face at the sight of them didn't go unnoticed by Carol and he heard her let out a small chuckle.
"I'll bet that felt really good," Carol said quietly her eyes slipping back to the flowers. Daryl didn't respond in words, simply grunted and let his hand fall back to his side. She nodded and slipped her eyes to him for a brief moment before again staring out at the flowers lightly blowing in the breeze.
"He was outta line," Daryl mumbled watching her as she again nodded her head. "'Bout Sophia. That was outta line," he shifted on his feet a bit and watched her smile sadly at the flowers.
"He was out of line about everything he was spouting off," Carol said quietly her eyes skipping up to him. "You were right to hit him. I'm glad you did it," Carol shifted to look at him and this time he stopped himself from backing up that step. "I'm sure Callie is too," She sighed as he averted his gaze from her and he felt the cluck of her tongue like a slap to his face. "She's not runnin' from you."
"She ain't talkin' to me," Daryl said in what he figured to be a fuckin' huffy sounding voice that was reserved for people like him. Fuckin' children like him. He kicked his foot at the ground remembering the stilted conversation he'd had with Callie before she'd left, the look in her eyes when he'd handed her that badge. The fuckin' silence that had followed as she walked away from him. "I fucked up."
"I think it's safe to say everyone fucked up," Carol said quietly shifting her eyes back to the roses. Daryl's eyes went wide at the sound of that word being repeated by the soft spoken woman beside him. When her eyes shifted to him and that tiny little smile spread on her lips he couldn't help but smile back. "That is not the first time I've cursed, Daryl."
"First time I heard it," Daryl responded his head dipping a bit as he continued to smile just a bit at her.
"Maybe you should listen more," Carol said turning away from him and back to the flowers.
"Guess so," Daryl muttered, again lifting his thumb to his mouth as he shifted his eyes back to the flowers. They stayed that way for a while, listening to the soft sound of the water in the pond and the breeze blowing the flowers. "M'sorry 'bout this mornin'," Daryl muttered slipping his eyes to her again. "'Bout what I said."
"As Callie would say," Carol said with a small smile. "We all get one."
"Woman's a fuckin' font of useful idioms ain't she," Daryl spat back shakin' his head at how many times he found one person or another quoting that woman. Carol sputtered a laugh out and waved a hand when he glared at her, he heard her muttering something about having to 'listen more herself' and the word 'idiom' before he scoffed and turned away.
"I believe it's more her Uncle Tug we have to thank," Carol said in return finally her smile slipping back into that wistful fuckin' thing as she stared at the flowers.
Daryl watched Carol as she stared at those little white flowers, remembering how horrible the one he'd brought her looked now in its little beer bottle vase. Thing was damned near dead, petals falling off, lookin' ragged as hell. Yet the woman still had it in that little back room of the RV. Sitting there in the same spot he'd placed it. Waiting to be tossed out.
"We wastin' our time? Daryl said his voice cracking at the end of his question, a fact which had Carol turning and lifting a brow. "You came out with me before," Daryl said continuing on his original line of thinking. "Came out 'cause you believed that she was out there," Daryl sniffed hard and stared down the woman beside him. "You ain't been out since then. So I'm askin'," Daryl shifted closer and this time Carol was the one stepping back just a bit. He stopped immediately and glared at the world around them before sending her a sideways glare. "I'm askin' 'cause Callie and Miles ran into Walkers yesterday. I'm askin' 'cause they're out there now, with Gracie, lookin'. And Rick and Andrea, they're headin' out later." He took a breath and shifted his eyes around the area. "I'm askin' 'cause if you think it's a waste of time-"
"I'm scared," Carol said cutting him off. Daryl's mouth snapped shut and he backed up as she stared at him with slowly watering eyes. "I'm scared." She repeated more forcefully, her chin tipping up in that defiant way it did as she pushed past whatever the fuck that fear was and stared at him. "I haven't been out since you -" She let out a long sigh and shifted her eyes for a second before piercing him with a steady stare again. "I haven't been out since you almost died. Since you -" she dropped her chin and Daryl felt his brow twitch as he stepped closer in an effort to hear her. "Since you found Jenna." Daryl's jaw clenched and he averted his eyes as she again sighed long and low. "I believe my Sophia is out there," Carol said and Daryl's eyes lifted to watch her chin tilt up again. "I do. And every day I tell myself I should be out there searching. But every day, when I see Callie settled by that little grave-" Carol's head began to shake as she again stopped talking.
Daryl's jaw clenched and he looked out towards the water. He let out a breath and felt Carol shift a bit closer to him, her body again turning to face the water and the flowers. The breeze blew over them and he turned so that his shoulder was almost touching hers, his eyes shifted to the side so that he could watch her as she spoke.
"Every day I tell myself I need to go out there and look for her," Carol repeated her head still shaking at her words. "But I can't bear the thought of finding her the way you found Jenna." Carol said in that same flat matter-of-fact tone that he knew so well, her chin again tilted up as she looked over at him and he felt his blood run cold. "I believe that she's alive, and you," she smiled tightly at him. "You reassure me with your adamant searching for my girl; your unwavering belief that she's strong enough to survive. You and Callie and Miles you all believe so much and it makes me feel less of a fool for my belief. It keeps me strong." She ducked her head a bit and caught his eyes as she said the next words, a Callie-quote again, one that struck home faster than anything else she coulda said to him. "Just because I'm not out there every day lookin' doesn't mean I believe it any less."
"But?" Daryl asked after a beat of silence.
"But I'm not a fool," Carol said tightly as she turned back to the flowers. "Despite what people may think. I'm not a fool. And I know that I'm not as strong as Callie; not as strong as you. I'm not," Carol said as Daryl's eyes snapped up to her. "I believe she's alive with all my heart. But I'm not a fool. This world is harsh and cruel and she's alone out there where anything can happen. It's not because I don't believe she's alive. I'm not out there, because I know that I can't bear the thought of seeing my little girl as one of them. I'm not sure I could survive it," Carol looked at Daryl, her eyes roaming his face as he clenched his jaw tight. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Daryl nodded, unable to really form the word. He understood all too well. Because every night since he'd put Jenna down he'd woke from the same nightmare. That moment when he'd plunged his knife into that girl's head and watched that spark die in her eyes as he turned the blade in her skull. The slick feel of her blood running over his hands as she slipped off. Didn't matter that she was already dead and gone. Didn't matter one fuckin' bit.
Every time he woke with Callie's hairs tangled around his fingers as he held her close he thought of Jenna's red strands. Every time.
"She's still out there," Carol said breakin' Daryl from the nightmare he'd ventured into. He slipped his eyes up to her and watched her reach out and to touch the white flower before her. "It's not a waste of time, Daryl. She's still out there." Carol turned to him and smiled and he held her gaze. "We'll find her. I see it."
Lori's pregnant.
The last two words that Rick had said to him, at least the last two that had registered in his brain before the fog rolled in and the blood began to pound between his ears, echoed again as Shane stalked away from where Lori sat cutting carrots.
Those words, spoken by his best friend in a rush down near the barn were the only thing that mattered now. The only thing. Shane grimaced realizing that Rick was right about that one thing. Lori and that baby, nothing else mattered.
Shane's head again moved along his shoulders, the weight of everything -the barn, the pregnancy- all of it makin' it so he couldn't keep it from shifting 'round and 'round. He tipped his head from left to right, the snarl forming on his lips as he watched Lori stare at him.
The talk they'd just had, the discussion he'd wanted to be calm and collected, had gotten out of hand. Again. He snarled and shook his head finally turning away from her. His mind was reelin' off in so many different directions lately it didn't seem like he was ever able to get out his words in anything but a rush of violence and anger. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't seem to do what Rick did.
He couldn't keep his emotions, his anger, his fuckin' outrage at this entire situation out of his voice and actions. He couldn't disconnect the two. Because he fuckin' cared too much about these people. Cared too much about Lori, and Carl.
More than Rick, whose only concern after everything had calmed down had been to check on Callie, and go off and talk with Hershel. Leaving him to defend the camp, and check on Lori and Carl.
Shane snarled again and let his head roll left and right as his feet began pounding the ground below him. He stalked away from Lori and her wide, slightly scared eyes. Away from that discussion that had gone awry.
Lori's pregnant
The words echoed again and he smiled just a bit as he walked. His mind going back to the beginning of his and Lori's little explosion, when he'd crouched down before her and caught her gaze. When he'd seen the truth in her eyes.
"Rick told me," Shane had said smiling and looking away as she muttered a soft question that he ignored. "He told me 'bout you bein' pregnant, and I know why you didn't." He looked up then, catching the shock of what had to be truth shining out at him in her eyes. "I know," he'd nodded continuing to fiddle with his hat as his own excitement over the news made his hands and body fidget. "I know its cause you know it's mine."
"No," Lori's voice, quiet and insincere sounded. The meekness in it giving away the lie as she tried to repeat it with a hard fought conviction. Shane had looked up though and seen it in her eyes. Seen the truth. She did know it was his. She did. Shane had nodded at her as she continued to deny it and he smiled just a bit.
"We carried on quite a bit you an' me," Shane had said eyeing her, watching as his words hit home. Watchin' her continue to try and deny when everything she was projecting said otherwise.
Why else would she have kept it a secret? Why? Didn't make any damn sense to him, unless it was because she didn't want to hurt Rick with the truth. And that was the point that things started to go wrong. When his mind had circled back to Rick. His brother. A man he loved and respected.
A man that couldn't handle all the responsibility that this world seemed to thrust upon him at every turn. A man that was bound to break under all that weight eventually.
A man that would get his entire family killed in a sad attempt to protect them.
Shane snarled again as his mind continued to roll on and on. His footsteps were hard and intent and his eye line was set towards the campsite, but his attention was still back on Lori sitting not far off on that little tree stump cutting carrots.
"Shane," Carl's voice called out as he stalked past and Shane stopped on a dime. His eyes shifted to the boy workin' to his feet near the little fire pit and he stared. Stared because that boy's eyes were boring holes into him as he worked to his feet. Carl's eyes shifted to where Ben was sitting nearby with a pile of cans and then he looked back to Shane, ducking his head to the side a bit. A silent request that had Shane shifting into step with the boy. "Can I talk to you?"
"What's up, little man?" Shane asked his eyes angling away to where Ben sat watching them. That little boy's eyes were squinted down so hard that they looked like little slits, and Shane found himself glarin' back. He turned back to Carl and lowered his voice a bit as he continued to wring his hat between his sweating hands. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Carl said quietly, his eyes shifting to where Ben sat. Ben's eyes continued to slide between Carl and Shane in a quiet assessing manner that reminded him of the boy's two new 'parents'. Snarling a bit Shane looked back to Carl and watched as he shifted on his feet, Rick's old hat settled firmly in place shadowing his eyes just a bit. Then Carl squared his shoulders and finally nodded to himself as if he had just finished giving himself a mental pep talk, the movement was so much like his father that it had Shane smiling just a bit as the kid opened his mouth. "I know you think that Sophia's dead," Carl started and Shane's smile dropped immediately. "I know that you think we should stop lookin' for her, and that's-" Carl's eyes skipped over to Ben's briefly before again piercing Shane as he shifted on his feet. "That's bullshit."
"Hey, watch your mouth," Shane said immediately a bit shocked by the language of a boy who before all this happened wouldn't even say the word 'hell' in church. Shane heard Ben let out a scoff and he glared at the little mini-annoyance before shifting his eyes back to the strangely upset boy before him.
"You gotta understand," Carl said nodding his head again in mannerism that was so much like Rick that it almost floored Shane as he watched it. Then Carl's blue eyes-fuckin' Rick's eyes- were staring into him hard again and he felt his breath catch in his throat. "We're gonna stay here until we find her. Callie and Miles are out there now," Carl's eyes skipped over to Ben who was nodding slightly as his eyes skipped between the pair of them again. "We're gonna stay."
"You think that's what we should do?" Shane asked shifting his eyes away from Ben and over to Carl.
"It's what I know we should do," Carl said in a strong matter-of-fact tone that knocked Shane back a step. Memories of the discussion that Shane had with Rick not too long ago flooded back, the way Rick tried so hard to muster that same sort of matter-of-fact, fuckin' without a doubt tone. The way he'd failed miserably. That had been the moment that Shane realized that Rick didn't really believe they'd find Sophia. He didn't. All of this had been for Lori and the baby. All of it.
But Carl, the way that boy was looking at him. The conviction. The strength in those blue eyes. Strength that seemed to elude his father in this time of need, burned so bright and strong there that Shane felt his head nodding. He felt it and couldn't stop it. Carl was a strong boy, a boy who would grow to be a man of conviction and action. A good man. And Shane needed to be there to support that, especially considering Rick couldn't. Rick just couldn't be that strength that his son needed in this world. Not with where his head was. Shane nodded his head and shifted his hands to his hips as he regarded the stoic boy before him.
"Then we stay," Shane said in that same matter-of-fact tone that Carl had just used. Carl nodded and Shane slipped down to catch the boy's eyes. "That means we gotta do whatever we gota do to make that happen."
"Like help with the chores," Carl said back and Shane laughed just a bit. His head was nodding idly as he looked over to where Ben had now stopped whatever the fuck he was doin' with the cans and stared at him. The look in Ben's eyes told Shane that despite the fact that Carl had a few years on him, that little boy had more experience under his wing. He had a deeper understanding for the world around them now, an understanding that Carl was just beginning to make after everything they'd been through at the CDC. An understanding that had Ben shifting to his feet and glarin' daggers at Shane as Shane put a hand to Carl's shoulder.
"Like helpin' with the chores," Shane said keepin' his eyes on Ben as the little boy shifted the small switchblade in his hand and then tucked it into his boot. Ben's little mouth shifted and he spat something off to the side. "All the chores," Shane said with his eyes still on Ben. Ben's head tipped up and he watched as the boy's brows drew together in a bit of confusion. Shane's eyes went back to Carl who was nodding his head, happy with the agreement that they'd made and oblivious to the little exchange between Shane and Ben.
"Carl," Lori's voice called out and Carl and Ben shifted to look where she still sat on that tree stump. "Ben. C'mere, guys." Shane's hand shifted off of Carl's shoulder and he stood to his full height as he watched Carl slowly head over to where Ben was waiting for him.
"Hey Carl," Shane's voice rang out just as the two boys started off and both of them turned towards him. Shane's eyes again shifted to Ben before piercing Carl with a look. "Don't let me hear you talk like that again."
Again Ben huffed out an annoyed breath and he pushed at Carl to move them along as Carl ducked his head and nodded. Shane watched them go, watched and waited for them to be completely out of his sight before turning and making his way towards the RV. His steps were forceful and agitated, and he ate up the distance in no time.
One thought sliding through his head as he walked. That it was time to help out with the fuckin' chores. Time to take out the trash that nobody else seemed to want to touch. Time to take matters into his own hands.
To make it safe.
For his people. For his family. For his woman. For the boy that would be his son.
For his baby.
Dale shifted the large bag off of his shoulders and let his eyes roam around the small swampy area in the woods. The trek hadn't been rough, or long, but for some reason his heart was hammering as if it had been miles upon miles of walking. As if he'd just run a marathon.
As if it were going to explode.
And he knew as he listened to the sounds of the woods around him, listened and waited for those footsteps not far off to settle, that he was overreacting. Because he wasn't a fool, and he wasn't alone. He took in a few deep breaths to steady his nerves and removed his hat, running a tired hand over his sweat drenched head as his heartbeat slowed to a more normal pace. He heard a sigh and smiled tightly to the wooded ground below his feet. The conversation that he'd had with Andrea, the one that Danny had stepped into the tail end of. The one that had helped Danny apparently make the decision to just wash his hands of it all had another sad smile tilting his lips.
Dale had been foolish to think that perhaps talking with Andrea would fix things. Foolish to think that getting Andrea and Danny to try fix what they had going between them would help things. Danny had still been utterly livid about what Dale had told him Shane said and did to Callie at the barn. And Andrea had still been defending the man. Her feigned ignorance about Shane's actions, his threats, settling badly in both Dale and Danny's stomachs as she stalked off.
Another small shift of the underbrush followed by the heavy fall of a single footstep had Dale shaking his head. He'd finally calmed down and been ready to try and calm down his friend. But when he shifted around to try and see where his agitated counterpart had limped off to what met his eyes had his heart racing at that explosive pace again.
"Man, this is a good hiding place," Shane's slightly amused and agitated voice rang out over the small wooded area and Dale watched in disbelief as the man slowly made his way towards him.
The former deputy's bulky shoulders were rising and falling in a way that told Dale that he was just as agitated as he had been earlier at the barn. A slight feeling of dread slipped into Dale's mind, but he pushed past it and steeled himself for battle. Dale scoffed a bit as Shane's eyes roamed the area, and his head again shook as he looked back to the bag of guns settled against the tree behind him.
"Just imagine if you applied your tracking skills to finding Sophia," Dale said in a humored tone that matched Shane's and just as Dale expected the man scoffed. "What a waste," Dale muttered as he shifted his eyes up behind the tree and then around him as he turned to face Shane. The two of them stared hard at one another for a few moments, until finally Shane closed the distance. A foot of space separated them and Dale fought his instincts to move away. He'd never been the type to instigate a fight, always been more the type to mediate them before they could even approach that point of no return. And while he boasted great skill as a mediator, he figured anything and everything he tried to say to Shane while he was in this state would only add fuel to whatever fire was burning in those dark eyes glaring down at him.
"Give me the bag, Dale." Shane said tiredly as his head nodded. The frown that pulled down his lips shifted into a bit of a snarl as Dale's head immediately began to shake.
"I'm not gonna do that," Dale said shifting just a bit so that his body was in front of the bag. Shane glared harder and Dale held his gaze until a small shifting of shadows over Shane's shoulder had him looking away briefly, allowing Shane to think his intimidation tactic had worked.
"Yeah you will," Shane said moving forward, causing Dale to again shift his attention back to Shane. Dale again put his body between Shane and his goal and he heard the low growl that rumbled in Shane's throat. Heard it and then witnessed the man's eyes shift from agitated to murderous. Dale blinked and felt his chest puff a bit in automatic response. Building up whatever small bit of defenses he could against his opponent. "You will," Shane said glaring down at Dale, his eyes shifting to the rifle settled upon his shoulders. "May as well," Shane said letting his eyes glide back to Dale as they shifted around one another again. "Got that rifle up on your shoulder—"
"You going to shoot me," Dale said trying not to shift his eyes over Shane's shoulder again. Trying to keep the dance between them and not include what loomed at the edge of his field of vision. Dale's head dropped and his voice lowered just a bit. "Like you did Otis," Dale said, the words causing Shane's eyes to flash up and his nostrils to flare. "Like you threatened to do to Callie," Dale continued his words causing Shane to back up a step. Dale nodded, feeling the power of his small win and he stepped towards the other man. "I heard it Shane and I wasn't the only one. You're lies are gonna unravel before you can weave them back together."
There was a beat of silence that flowed out heavily between them. The scratch of feet on leaves had Dale's jaw tightening and his eyes flaring a bit. His head shook once, barely registered by the livid looking man glaring at him, and the movement stopped again.
"Nah man," Shane's words echoed out and Dale's attention shifted entirely back to the man calmly staring at him. A man that so well controlled his rage that even as it pulsed and boiled below his skin he was able to form words and hold himself steady, unlike Dale who felt every tremble of his body. Felt every tremor and hoped to God the other man couldn't see it. "Nah, I ain't gonna shoot you." Shane said shifting forward slightly a tiny smile on his lips. "I ain't gonna shoot Callie neither," Shane scoffed out a laugh. "Fuck that woman," he laughed again and shook his head and Dale's wide eyes again moved over his shoulder to the man who was no doubt close enough to hear the former deputy's words. "That woman's got a death-wish so strong I ain't gotta do nothing but sit back and enjoy the show, you know?" Shane's eyes shifted and Dale balked at his humored, sickening gaze. "Nah, I ain't gonna kill either of you. 'Cause if you really look at it, in the cold light of day, you two pretty much dead already." Shane stepped forward and Dale lifted a hand, an action that Shane interpreted was meant for him. When it wasn't. "Gimme the fuckin' guns, Dale."
"You really think this is going to keep us safe?" Dale asked still lifting his hand, his eyes shifting to the figure settled not far off and then back to Shane. Shane's head rolled along his shoulders, left to right, and he muttered a harsh 'Shut up, Dale,' before again rolling it back, right to left. The agitation and anger boiling in Shane was at the point of no return now, and Dale knew there wasn't any way to control what would happen if it met with the brimming rage he saw behind Shane. So he kept his hand up, and worked to diffuse the explosive before it went off. "Rick is trying to get Hershel to-"
"Just shut up, Dale," Shane said tiredly as he raked his hand over his shaved head. His eyes averted to the side and Dale followed his movements, losing his eye contact with the man watching them. "Give me the guns."
Dale shifted, again putting his body between the discarded bag against the tree, and lowered his rifle off of his shoulder and into his hands. The meaning behind the motion was as clear as day, but the intent wavered as Shane's eyes flared wide. Amusement rode Shane's lips and Dale again felt his chest puff out against the attack he could feel coming. He puffed out his chest and settled his nerves watching the man that had his back shift on his feet, a slow limp bringing him closer as Shane pressed up against the barrel of Dale's rifle.
"I'm going to have to shoot you?" Dale asked, his eyes pleading with Shane as he said the words. Words that just didn't make any sense. "I'm going to have to kill you? Is that what it's going to take to get you to stop this?"
"That's what it's gonna take, ol' man." Shane said chuckling a bit as he pressed his bulky mass into the barrel of Dale's gun. Dale felt the tremble in his arms as Shane pressed harder, felt it deep in his bones. And he knew, simply by the look of disgust on Shane's face, that the former deputy felt every tremor. Felt every bit of the lie that Dale's gun against his chest was. Because as Shane so keenly pointed out earlier, he was every bit as good as Callie at reading situations.
At least, he was at face value. But anger had clouded Shane's once clear vision of things, and left him with a few blind spots when it came to the resilience of those around him. And Dale was oddly thankful for that.
Shane's hand lifted and settled on the barrel of the gun and Dale's grip tightened. Shane pulled, fire burning behind his eyes, and in that moment Dale wondered if this had been last bit of humanity that Otis had been faced with as well.
"You ain't gonna shoot me, Dale." Shane said pulling on the rifle. "You ain't. And that," Shane said pulling again and causing Dale to stumble forward a bit. "That is how I know you ain't long for this world. How I know I ain't got to worry 'bout you. 'Cause you ain't got it in you to do what needs to be done." Shane seethed out those words and leaned forward, his next pull dislodging Dale's hands from the rifle and settled it in his own. "You ain't gonna shoot me."
"He won't," Danny's voice was harsh and gravely, as it came through a jaw clenched tight with the effort he was exuding to keep as calm as could as he spoke. Dale watched Shane's eyes flare open and firmed his lips against the hatred ignited in those dark orbs. Shane's grip shifted on the rifle and just as Dale figured Shane was going to turn with that rifle ready to fire, Shane's head tipped forward as Danny pressed his gun hard into the back of Shane's skull. Dale held Shane's eyes as Danny slipped just a bit closer so that his chest was pressed to Shane's back, his gun pressed deep into the back of Shane's shaved head. Danny's lips curled into a snarl as Shane continued to glare at Dale. "But I will."
I said you got me where you want me and I can't turn away
I'm hangin' by a thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in between the shadows of my yesterday
I wanna get away, I need to get away
Now you know, yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh God, I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down like a sittin' duck just waiting for the fall
You know, yeah you got my back against the wall
~Back Against The Wall / Cage the Elephant
AN: Well, there we have it…the beginning of the end. How'd you like that bit of a cliffhanger chapter ender… Hmm? Next chapter we're gonna be jumping around a bit… it may be a bit confusing and as always apologize for that (let me know if you get lost) We'll see how the Danny/Shane shit tumbles down, check in with Callie, Miles and Gracie, see Rick wranglin' Walkers, and of course open the barn. (So warning now…it's probably gonna be a bit long- s'that even a warning anymore?)
A note: My take on Carol is a bit 'different' from other peoples that I've seen. But as with all of the characters… please remember in this realm. I hope I've done a good job of explaining her reasoning for not being out there every day lookin' for Sophia. It's not how I'd roll. I'd be out there…but I felt the need to delve into what MY Carol may have been feeling. Jenna's death and its repercussions.
An Easter Egg for those who may care. This story is a large part of my existence, and has become much more than just the simple release of a great DARYL/OC that was building in my head at one point. It has become this exercise in shifting meanings and mirroring characters, of delving deep into the moral structure of the characters and really exploring things. Now… to the MEAT (if you care) The scenes that I choose to depict are very select and are put in for specific reasons and if you're an avid go-back-and-read-NMSAFE-er (as I know there are a few when tickled by the right thing in a chapter) you may realize that. But instead of leaving it out I'm gonna give you one… Rick's treatment of Callie in this chapter which may of course lead many of you to believe he's in love with her… is really an indirect throw back to Shane's treatment of Callie after Ed attacked her in NM:SAFE (see NM:SAFE Chapter 7 for reference)-guns/ telling her to carry her gun…what not. Also, note: Shane's mirroring / becoming 'Ed'(metaphorically peeps) is something to hold on to for later… just sayin'… (if you've got questions PM me I'll try and explain my madness. If you can see it…then I tip my hat to you)
Oh and I got a shit-ton of reviews to respond to. So expect some PM's tonight and maybe tomorrow.
As always, happy reading, and see ya next chapter! (Oh that next chapter O_o)
~Much Love!