New Meanings To Old Words: Love
HI!
Where to pick up after that horrid ending… where oh where…
As always I ask you to read, review and most of all enjoy our journey through crazy town….because seriously, Crazy-town is the next fuckin' stop, people.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Callie and the crew of misfits (Danny, Miles, Jenna, Mike, Nina, Ben and Gracie).
After The Storm Pt. 1
Callie had been close enough to the precipice of blacking out enough times to recognize the harsh roll of her own blood as it pounded through the space between her ears; the pinpricks of black and white specks that danced over her field of vision. She'd been at that point so often that the fact that she could no longer hear any sounds of the world around her didn't really instill any fear, but instead was a welcome reprieve from the cacophony of agonizing noises-of heartbreaking whimpers and screams-that had to have been echoing in that small area by the barn.
Her hand clenched on Rick's shoulder and she felt his muscles ripple and twitch under her fingers. She felt him tense and then, felt him shudder beneath her grasp. Her mouth twitched in a futile attempt at keeping her lips from trembling. An attempt she knew must have failed when she felt Rick shift just a bit towards her, that shudder running through again him before he steeled himself against it. Callie's chin lifted slowly from where it had fallen to her chest and she caught his gaze quickly, the unshed tears glistening in his eyes before he snarled them back and broke eye contact shifting his gaze to where Sophia lay dead at their feet broke her heart a bit more.
It was Carol's voice that finally broke through the haze in Callie and apparently Rick's minds, her agonized cries that had both of them shifting to where Daryl was struggling to hold the woman. Callie's head shifted to the side at the sight of Ben sitting alone on the ground staring towards Sophia's body, and she met the boy's gaze for a moment before shifting her attention to where Daryl and Carol now stood. Carol broke free from Daryl's arms, even as the man pleaded-that was the only word for the foreign tone that Daryl's voice had taken on as he repeated over and over the words 'Don't look'.
Carol had broken free and took a single staggering step towards where Sophia was, but Callie shifted just slightly and caught the woman's horrified gaze. Tears welled up anew as Callie held her eyes, shared her grief, felt her pain. Carol again moved forward and this time Callie stretched out a hand to block her as she shook her head. Carol let out another wretched sob, her eyes shifting between Callie, Rick and Shane standing not far off. Her mouth opened to say something but no words made it out. Instead she turned and fled from them.
Fled from the horror.
Callie's eyes shifted to the ground and she firmed her lips as her hand slipped up to her suddenly dry mouth. Rick's hand settled at the base of her neck his thumb moving quickly twice over the nape of her neck before falling back to his side as he shifted back towards the carnage. Callie's eyes lifted to see Daryl yanking Ben up from the ground even as Gracie plowed into his legs. The man was nearly floored by the two kids, and when his eyes lifted to meet Callie's she knew he was too damn close to a breakdown to be able to handle them right now.
Teetering at the edge of his sanity and not up for comforting children, no matter how much he may have cared for them. His eyes edged around Callie and worked towards the body of Sophia on the ground and again Callie stepped over just a bit to impede his view of the dead girl he'd spent so long searching for.
Held such hope for.
What was it he was always saying, 'Hope's for fools. Wishful thinkin' ain't nothing but a fool's way of avoidin' the truth.'
Callie let out a sad sigh for the man staring at her, trying his best to hold on to what he had left of his own sanity in the moment while comforting two children. Shifting her eyes to where Miles had stepped up to her side, she lifted a hand and put it to his shoulder. The sound of Beth's cries and hurried footsteps stopped her request to the boy before it even started. Callie shifted to see that the girl had broken free from Jimmy's hold and was headed their way. Both Callie and Miles shifted, as the girl slipped past Rick's reaching hands.
"Beth," Callie said stepping in front of the girl and putting her hands to her arms. "Beth." Callie's hands fell as Beth pulled away, and she shook her head looking back to where Hershel and Maggie were still frozen. Miles shifted and kept pace with the girl, murmuring something that she was ignoring. Callie stayed in step with Beth and then watched the girl hesitate at a pile of two Walkers on the ground.
Beth's hands went to her mouth and her eyes skipped up to Callie for a brief moment. That look of horror that had marred the girl's face when she'd walked into Jenna's room so long ago was back in place and Callie sucked in a deep breath watching helplessly as Beth dropped her gaze to the pile and fell to her knees. Callie exchanged a knowing glance with Miles who instantly nodded. They both knelt down, and Callie grabbed Beth's timidly reaching arms while Miles worked to silently move the body of the Walker off of the woman beneath.
Miles sat back on his heels surrounded now by Walker carcasses and stared down at the bedraggled woman he'd uncovered. Callie's settled behind Beth and slipped her hands up to the girl's upper arms as she slowly reached forward and then backed up. Callie continued to rub up and down Beth's arms, her eyes sliding behind her to where Maggie stood by her father, both of them looking on in horror.
"Mom," Beth's wavering voice pierced through Callie's chest and had her blinking back tears. Miles shifted his eyes to Callie and then to Beth and held, watching the girl finally take in that breath that brought her the strength she was looking for. "Mom," Beth's hands reached out and Callie closed her eyes for a moment as she felt the young girl quake under her hands.
"Beth," Callie's voice sounded hoarse as she tried to keep the girl steady as she moved her shaking fingers towards the scraggly hair matted to her once beautiful mother's gray decaying skin. Callie's eyes opened again and shifted down to the dead woman on the ground. The breath that she'd just caught rushed from Callie's body painfully as the dead woman's milky eyes popped open. "Jesus!" Callie's hands were sliding down to Beth's hands to pull the girl away at the same time as the dead woman's were reaching up to grab at her. Callie felt her knees scraping along the dirt as she worked to move pull the girl away and she heard her screams mixing with Beth's as the Walker's hands found purchase on Callie's arm and tangled in Beth's hair.
It was a split second of time that passed before the sounds of their screams were overtaken by the hurried gasps and yells of the people behind them. A split second that lasted forever before Callie's eyes lifted and she saw Miles lunging forward and straddling the Walker, his hands grabbing the frail wrists of the dead woman slithering and rocking to get to Beth. The Walker's fingers were tangled tight into Beth's loose braid and Callie felt the grip on her wrist pull her forward, a pull that had her body rocking into Beth's and almost sending the girl's face right into the snapping mouth of her dead mother. Callie's knees dug in again and she arched herself backwards as Beth's screaming continued. Callie's mind was moving a mile a minute and she didn't even register the feel of the familiar arms wrap around her waist and wrench her backwards. Didn't stop her own screaming until Glenn had pried the Walker's hands from her wrist and out of Beth's tangled hair. Didn't stop until the back of her head had come to rest upon the Daryl's chest, his arms wrapped around her waist as she wrapped hers around Beth's shaking shoulders. Callie felt Daryl tug her backwards again settling her and Beth firmly between his legs. She felt his rapid breaths fanning the sweat-slicked skin at her neck and closed her eyes against the sight of T-Dog's foot ramming hard into the head of the woman that had once been Mrs. Annette Greene.
Beth's anguished cries continued and Callie turned the girl's head into her shoulder as her eyes opened to watch Miles fall backwards away from the still moving Walker. T-Dog stepped back as the dead woman lunged upwards and Andrea, finally finished her with a well placed scythe to the back of her head.
Beth's body sagged for a moment as did Callie's as she stared hard at the now fully dead woman upon the dirt. Callie's vision wavered behind the wall of wetness that had filmed over her eyes and she felt her body instinctively tighten its hold on Beth at the feel of a gentle hand on her arm. Looking up she saw the soft features of Patricia as she firmed her lips against the horror. A single nod of the older woman's blonde head and the gentle prying of her fingers had Callie letting Beth fall easily into Patricia's open waiting arms. Once Beth was up and moving towards the rest of the Greene family Callie's body sagged further, and if it wasn't for Daryl's arms around her she would have crumpled in a ball to the ground.
"Did it get you?" Daryl's voice was rough and woke Callie from her stupor. Her head was shaking, but the motion went unnoticed as Daryl shifted her around between his legs and began searching her arm. Again looking for any signs that she'd been bitten or scratched; again not believing her but needing to see for himself. Her eyes lifted to watch him as his trembling fingers worked over the wrist that had been grabbed. He smoothed those calloused fingers over her skin a few more times before he finally looked up at her. "Fuckin'-" he shook his head and roughly pulled her towards him by her upper arms. "Stop that shit."
Callie had no voice to use, her mind still reeling from everything that had just gone down. She nodded to him and let out a ragged breath as he shook his head and closed his eyes to gather his wits. She watched as he took in a single deep breath and then firmed her lips when his eyes shot over her shoulder to where the bodies had fallen. Where one body in particular had fallen.
"Daryl," Callie struggled to find strength to keep her voice from cracking and worked up onto her knees. Her hands landed on his tense shoulders and she pulled him towards her breaking his eye contact with Sophia's lifeless form. "I'm so sorry," she whispered when he looked at her. His jaw clenched and she watched his lips curl into an angry snarl before he shifted his eyes back to Sophia. She pulled again and this time worked her body to a place that blocked his line of sight. "Don't look. Just don't-"
Daryl pushed her away sending her falling to her backside in the dirt. He stared down at her as he got to his feet, the shock of his actions towards her rolling over his face. The apology written in his features even as he glared down at her. She stared back at him and watched his eyes glaze over with unshed tears. He gave her one more regretful look before stalking away, past Dale's reaching hands and off towards the RV in the distance.
Callie heard the sounds of Shane's bellowing as he followed behind the retreating Hershel. She caught Rick's eye at a distance and shared a mournful look with the man before wiping her own fingers over her brow.
"Are you alright?" Dale's voice echoed down and Callie looked up to find him standing before her offering his hand. Her head shook as she accepted Dale's hand and she squeezed his shoulder still not really ready to speak.
Callie's eyes shifted around the carnage and let her hand hold loosely over her mouth. Blinking a few times she shifted her eyes back to Dale and shook her head as he grimaced at her.
"Jesus Dale, what happened here?" Callie said letting her hand fall to her side.
"I need to talk to you," Dale said quietly leaning towards her as they turned to where Miles was standing with the shocked and crying Ben and Gracie. Miles looked utterly stricken as his eyes met Callie's and she again shook her head and raised a hand to Dale's shoulder.
"Can it wait?" Callie asked looking back at the slightly perturbed older man.
"It's about Danny," Dale shifted his eyes around and lowered his voice. "And Shane." Callie let out a disgruntled sigh and shook her head.
"Is Danny okay?" Callie asked quietly as Miles' eyes ping-ponged between them. Dale nodded giving a small reassuring smile to Miles and Callie patted his shoulder squeezing just a bit. "Can it wait?" Dale let out a sigh and nodded slowly. "Can you take the kids up to the RV please?"
"Of course," Dale said stepping towards Ben and Gracie. Callie listened to Dale's voice as he ushered the children off and she shifted her eyes to where Miles stood.
"Go with Dale," Callie said quietly watching the older man head off slowly. She stepped towards Miles and put a hand to his shoulder as she whispered. "Find out what happened with Danny and Shane. See what's what, I'll find you later."
"Sure," Miles said quietly his eyes glistening a bit with tears as he shifted his eyes over her shoulder. "Callie," Miles' voice cracked and she nodded her head.
"I know," Callie pulled the boy into a hug and kissed his slightly tear-stained cheek. "Go on. I'm gonna help out here," Callie lifted a hand as Miles began to say something to deter her and she shook her head. "Go on. I need you to see what's up with Danny, and check on Ben and Gracie for me. I'll be up soon."
Callie turned away as Miles nodded and let out a shaky sigh. Her eyes shifted to T-Dog and Andrea who stood ankle deep in the rotting bodies, both of them just staring down at Sophia. She started towards them slowly, her eyes picking up Lori settled on the ground not far off in quiet conversation with Carl. She shared a look with the other woman and smiled tightly before letting her eyes drift down to Sophia at her feet.
"This whole fucking time," T-Dog's tight angry voice echoed out. His eyes shot to Callie and then over to Andrea and he shook his head.
"It doesn't matter," Callie said quietly, lifting her hand to settle it on his shoulder as he started to protest. "It doesn't matter," she repeated in a more firm tone. He shook his head and shifted away slightly as Andrea moved forward with a blanket. Callie crouched down to help Andrea place the blanket over Sophia, her eyes locking on the large wound in the little girl's neck.
A wound that most likely spelled her fate. Callie's squinted a little at that wound before Andrea put a hand to her arm and lifted the blanket over her.
"What do we do now?" Jimmy's slightly confused voice rang out and Callie's attention snapped to where he stood behind her. His eyes were fixed on Sophia's body, his hands wringing together. She stared at him until he looked to her.
"Same as before," Callie said in a sharp angry tone standing up with Andrea.
"We bury we the ones we love and burn the rest," Andrea supplied as Callie continued to stare at Jimmy.
The boy held Callie's eyes until a single tear rolled down his cheek. Andrea and T-Dog shifted slowly away, Andrea's hand settled on T-Dog's shoulder as he continued to mumble his outrage. Callie shifted towards the boy and glared at him, her fingernails digging into her palms as she tried to control her breathing.
"When?" Callie ground out through tightly clenched teeth. Jimmy stared at her, wide-eyed and scared and she advanced on him her hand shooting out and grabbing his shirt. Her eyes flicked to where Lori and Carl still sat and she dropped her hand as again pierced Jimmy with a glare meant to kill. "When?"
"The day your man came back busted up," Jimmy stuttered out and Callie stepped back a bit her head shifting back to the blanket covered form of Sophia. "I put her in there. Hershel didn't know. It was me." Jimmy continued, his voice wavering a bit as he shifted forward. Callie shifted her eyes back to the boy and was shocked to see his face contorted with shame. "I didn't know it was your girl. Really I didn't. And Hershel didn't know, didn't see who I put in. I was going to tell him about her and then your man came back and the shot Andrea fired had Hershel runnin' to help-" Jimmy shook his head. "I'm so sor-"
"Shut it," Callie seethed out as she pushed her finger into the boy's chest. "You listen and you listen good, boy. I am done with your apologies." Callie stepped back and stared at Jimmy as he stared back fear written across his face. "Done. I don't want to hear another word. I don't want you tellin' anyone else what you just told me either. You keep yourself out of my people's business, or I won't be held responsible for what they do to you." She pushed at his shoulder. "Now go get the fuckin' shovels."
Dale shifted on his feet and waved Miles after him over towards the roadway leading off the farm. He removed his bucket hat and ran a tired hand over his sweat covered head as Miles came to a stop beside him. The boy shifted his eyes to where Ben and Gracie were settled under the awning of the RV, both young children settled close and kicking at the dirt in silence.
"I really thought-" Miles began shaking his head and looking back to Dale. Dale smiled tightly and put a hand to the boy's shoulder. Miles shook his head again and then shifted to look at Dale, sniffing back whatever was left of his tears. "Where's Danny?"
"I don't know," Dale said quietly watching the boy for a moment. He shifted his eyes away from the shocked slightly worried look on Miles' face and out to the road. "There was an…altercation between him and Shane earlier," Dale continued his eyes shifting to watch Miles lift a brow. "A rather heated altercation."
"Yeah I can imagine," Miles said tiredly running a hand down his face and shifting his eyes back to where they'd left Callie and the rest.
"He needed to blow off some steam, clear his mind, so he took a walk," Dale said shifting his gaze up and down the road. "I was sure he'd be back after hearing the gunfire…"
"Unless he was too far off to hear it," Miles said shifting his eyes along the road and letting out a sigh. Dale's eyes shifted to the boy and Miles cracked a grin. "He's a tougher son of a bitch than y'all are givin' him credit. That leg ain't gonna slow him down if he's got his mind set to somethin'. Where would he go…?" Miles shifted his eyes up and down the roadway a bit. "The highway maybe?"
"I don't—"Dale stopped as he turned and caught Shane approaching the cars.
Shane's steps faltered and stopped as his eyes met Dale's and time seemed to standstill for a moment. Dale heard Miles shift and he put a hand out to hold the boy off from making a move in any direction. The look in Shane's eyes as he shifted his gaze between the two of them told Dale that any move would be seen as the wrong move. Shane scoffed at the sight of them and shook his head in disgust as he moved towards the old truck. He let the door fly open and then threw himself inside before slamming the door shut.
Dale shifted his eyes to Miles for a second before returning to watch Shane sit in the truck. Dale could feel Shane's eyes on him still, reflected back at them so powerfully in that side mirror that it was as if the man were standing right there staring him down. Again Dale felt his heart begin to hammer in his chest. Miles shifted just a bit closer his mouth open ready to ask something, but the door of the truck flying open again stopped the boy in his tracks.
"What?" Shane spat as he bounded out of the vehicle and headed towards them. "What Dale? What?" Dale shifted as Miles turned around fully and worked the boy behind him a bit with an outstretched arm. Miles let out a low discontented sigh but remained at Dale's back as they watched Shane stalk forward. "C'mon man, you got something to say?" Shane scoffed and shook his head. "Who'm I kiddin', of course you got somethin' to say." Shane's eyes shifted to Miles briefly before spearing Dale with a snarling glare. "Well, go ahead, Mr. Moral-Authority. The, uh," Shane shook his head again at the distaste in his mouth and half laughed. "The voice of fuckin' reason. Go ahead."
Dale shifted just a bit and clenched his jaw tight as Shane continued to stalk forward. He held his ground, moving Miles back as the boy moved forward, hoping to avoid adding any further fuel to the fire burning in Shane's dark eyes. Dale watched Shane's eyes as he came to a stop, watched the man's jaw clench and his head shake. Shane waited for Dale to respond, but Dale new better than to egg the man on. Shane wasn't interested in hearing anything Dale had to say, he was picking a fight. Plain and simple.
The question was why?
"You know what man," Shane continued after a few beats of silence. "Instead of you jawin' off 'bout some higher moral knowledge, let me ask you somethin'," Shane lifted a finger and pointed it at Dale completely ignoring the presence of Miles. "Let me ask you, man, what do you do to keep this camp safe, huh? What? You," Shane shook his finger and ducked his head to the side and Dale's eyes widened as he watched the man before him completely lose it. "You-you fix up an RV? You fuckin' baby-sit some guns?" Shane's dark eyes lifted with a renewed anger and locked on Dale. "Man you point one at my chest," Shane thrust his finger at Dale and then pointed it at his own head, "fuckin' let Danny hold one to my head."
Dale felt Miles shift behind him slightly and he again shot his arm out to keep the boy from advancing. A quite hissing sound left Miles' mouth and Dale knew that he was going to be explaining quite a bit before Miles left his side again.
"You," Shane pointed his finger and glared at Dale. "You prick. You bastard," the words were leaving Shane's mouth with such vehemence that Dale actually felt them and he backed up just a bit pressing Miles further away. "You hold a gun to me, you let Danny hold a gun to me," Shane's head shook as he stared at Dale. "But you just couldn't pull that trigger. Stopped fuckin' Danny from doin' it," Shane's lip curled and he nodded as he pointed again at his head. "He woulda too. I saw it. But you stopped him. So tell me Dale," Shane said letting his hand fall. "What the fuck do you do to keep this camp safe? If I'm such a threat, what did you do to stop me? Huh?" Shane let his hand fall to his side and he stared at Dale.
Dale held his gaze and was shocked to see that it wasn't the glare he was used to. It was full of rage and anger and questions. And it was the questioning in Shane's eyes that had Dale's hand falling from its protective position before the stunned Miles.
"I smashed that barn," Shane continued calmly his mouth distorting in a grimace of pain and anger. "I smashed it open. I kept us safe. I saved Carl." Shane's eyes shot to Miles briefly and then back to Dale. "That ain't Rick or Callie, or fuckin' anyone else. That's me." Shane's thumb flew back into his own chest and Dale lifted his chin against the other man's puffed out chest. "And you ain't done nothing to stop me. You tried, but in the end, you let me do it all."
"Tell me, Shane. Are you angry that we tried to stop you?" Dale said quietly watching the man's eyes flare back to life with that burning bit of anger that Dale's voice simple seemed to cause now. "Or that we failed?"
The silence that fell between them was heavy and as Dale watched he saw something pass over Shane's dark eyes. That same bit of questioning that lit up Shane's eyes was back now and Dale stood watching as his words rolled over the other man. Shane's shoulders twitched a bit before he rolled them and then cracked his tension-filled neck. Again Shane lifted a finger and his mouth twitched down in a harsh grimace while he nodded idly. Just when Dale thought the man was going to say something else, he turned away and waved his hand over his head.
"You stay 'way from me, old man." Shane said as he walked back to the truck. He put one hand on the open door and turned to look back at Dale and Miles. "You too boy. You keep Danny outta my way, too. I ain't got time for any of you and your bullshit. Y'all just stay outta my way."
Shane threw himself back into the truck and then started it up. Dale let out a long sigh as he watched the dust roll up from the back wheels as Shane drove off towards the barn. His eyes closed and his hand lifted to his mouth and his head shook. Beside him Miles stepped forward, the boy's eyes watching Shane drive off. Dale shifted his eyes to Miles and was surprised to see the boy staring after Shane with concern written across his features.
"He fell over it," Miles said quietly his eyes shifting to Dale who simply stared in confusion back at him. "The edge. He fell over it, didn't he?" Miles stared at Dale for a moment before letting out a ragged sigh and shaking his head. "I didn't really think-He's gone man. Jesus," Miles shook his head and put a hand to Dale's shoulder. "We gotta tell Callie."
Callie wiped her hands on her thighs as she walked, her eyes fixed to the spot where Lori, T-Dog, Andrea, and Shane were figuring out the placement of the new graves. She shifted her eye line just a bit as she walked feeling the tears well behind her eyes as she smiled sadly at the small white cross that marked Jenna's grave beside Lori. Her hands clenched as she neared Jenna's grave and she settled her fingers atop the small cross just staring down at the dirt before her barely listening to the group talk about what was going on next.
Callie's eyes shifted to her slightly red-tinged fingers, the beds of her nails caked with mud and grime and she felt a bit of bile rise up in her throat. Slipping her eyes over her shoulder she looked back to the shaded spot where the bodies of Annette, Shawn and Sophia had been laid. She let her eyes linger on the tiny wrapped form of Sophia and wet her suddenly dry lips before covering her mouth.
After she and the rest had settled the bodies upon the ground near the burial spot she requested to be allowed to clean up Sophia. The request had shocked everyone at first, but luckily no one asked any questions about it. Instead they left her to her task and moved on to working out where to burn the other bodies and where to bury the rest. She'd watched them for a few moments, making sure that no one would bother her as she worked. Because she wasn't sure what to really tell them about it if they did.
Yes, she wanted to clean up Sophia so that she was buried in reverence rather than necessity and haste. But that wasn't the real reason she'd wanted to be the one to clean her up. That task could have fallen to anyone. No the real reason behind it had been that odd sensation that Callie just couldn't shake when she'd looked upon that wound in Sophia's neck. That wound that everyone had assumed to be a Walker bite.
But it wasn't. Callie's jaw clenched tight as she shifted her eyes back to where the group was busy digging graves. She'd spent the better portion of the last half an hour scouring that little girl's lifeless corpse for any signs of a bite or a scratch and what she found, or rather didn't find was causing her stomach to stir and her mind to roll in a million different directions.
"Are you alright?" Lori's voice broke through Callie's thoughts and she lifted her eyes to where the other woman was slowly heading towards her.
Lori's eyes shifted down to where Callie's still blood stained hand rested on top of the cross at Jenna's grave. Callie sniffed away a tear and shook her head as Lori's eyes lifted back to her and she tried to give the woman a tight smile.
"Not really," Callie said quietly as Lori came to a stop on the other side of Jenna's grave. Lori crossed her arms over her chest and nodded slowly and then turned back to where the group was digging.
"We're putting Sophia next to Jenna," Lori said quietly her eyes flicking to where Callie was slowly working her way around the grave to stand next to her. "We figured that would be best." Callie nodded and stopped next to Lori. T-Dog looked up at her and as he worked to start on what she figured would soon be Sophia's final resting place. The man nodded once and then went to work and Callie turned to face Lori. "We figure we'll have everything ready soon. And then we can get everyone buried before noon."
"We can bury Sophia," Callie said quietly watching T-Dog and everyone stop their digging and look up at her. She raised a brow at the crowd and then looked back towards the confused Lori beside her. "Hershel needs to be the one to okay the burial of his family. We can't take that away from him and his girls." Callie's eyes shifted to Jimmy who looked startled for a moment before nodding his head a bit. "He needs this closure. We can't just bury his family without him."
"So what we have a funeral for Sophia and then what?" T-Dog asked leaning on the edge of his shovel and staring at her. "We just wait?"
"Yes," Callie said nodding at him and then looking over to Andrea before skimming her eyes over Shane's brooding face and back to Lori. "We wait until the man is ready."
"Callie's right," Lori said nodding her head and putting a hand to Callie's shoulder. She squeezed once and Callie gave her a small smile. "This is his family. And he needs this closure," Lori's head shook a bit as she let her hand fall back down to her side. "He needs it more than any person I've seen since this whole thing began."
"Man's gonna kick us off his land," T-Dog uttered as he shook his head and drove his shovel into the hard ground. "Why the fuck we diggin' these holes. If the man's gotta have his own peace he sure as hell can dig his own graves."
"You're absolutely right. No one is makin' you dig, T," Callie said rubbing her temple a bit as she stared at him. He stared back at her for a long time and then shifted his feet along the shovel before plunging it hard into the ground.
"Like I got somethin' better to be doin'," T-Dog muttered shortly shaking his head. His eyes shifted down for a minute then over to the small cross settled behind Callie. "Besides, no man should have to dig his own child's grave."
"I still can't see how he could really believe they were alive," Andrea said as she stood near her shovel and jutted out a hip. She tilted the straw hat on her head back a bit and looked at Callie. "I mean, after everything how-"
"Do you know where Rick is?" Callie asked Lori cutting off Andrea's questions and shifting a bit away from the crowd. Her mind was reeling again and she barely registered Andrea's angered huff as she was ignored.
"Um," Lori stuttered for a minute at Callie's abrupt change of subject and stared in Callie's eyes for a moment. It was obvious the woman was trying to read what was going through Callie's mind as she stared and was flustered when she couldn't. "He headed up towards the house a few minutes ago. Glenn's inside trying to talk to Maggie and I think Rick wanted to see if he could get in to speak with Hershel."
"Thanks," Callie said nodding and turning to go. She stopped after a few steps and looked back at Lori who was still staring at her in a bit of shock. "Carol?" Callie took a breath and put her fingers to her temple. "Daryl?"
"Carol's in the RV," Lori said in a stilted confused tone, her eyes searching Callie's face. Lori's face softened a bit and then she sighed before stating the rest. "Daryl stopped by here a while ago but I don't know where he went after."
Callie nodded and turned around without another word to the group of grave-diggers. She clenched her hands as she walked towards the house, running her sweaty palms again and again over her jean-clad thighs in an effort to rid them of the feel of Sophia's cold dead skin. Callie shook her head as she walked and closed her eyes taking in deep breath after deep breath to settle her nerves. She had just made it to the side of the house, the same side that she and Danny had sat smoking not too many days ago when she heard the very distinct sound of retching. The sound continued as Callie slowly made her way towards the corner of the house, and then dissipated into cough as she rounded it.
Rick was hunched over; one arm braced against the side of the house for balance while his other hand was settled at his knee. He coughed a few more times and Callie watched his back convulse in a dry-heave twice more before he shook his head and spit out what was left of the contents of his stomach. He spit a few more times before lifting his head and resting his forehead against his upraised arm on the side of the house. Callie shifted on her feet causing the dry sticks and grass below her to crunch just enough to alert the man to her presence. Rick's eyes shifted over his arm and the expression she read in those blue eyes of his was completely lost, tired and alone.
"You okay?" Callie asked quietly stepping forward as he pushed off the house and stared down at his vomit.
"Wasn't really anything in there to come up," Rick said quietly kicking at the dirt to cover what had come up. He shifted his eyes over to her and shook his head a bit. "I didn't want anyone to see that."
"I don't think anyone would think less of you for it," Callie said lifting her hands in surrender and giving him a smile. He glared at her and grimaced and she smiled a bit more. "No one that matters anyway." Rick looked away and scoffed out a laugh before running the back of his hand over his mouth.
"I just needed to get it out," Rick said quietly still looking down at wet ground at his feet. "After…after everything. The Walkers at the creek. The barn." Rick took a breath and closed his eyes as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Sophia," Rick shook his head and Callie shifted just a bit closer. "After that shit Shane pulled and then chasin' after that family like a maniac," Rick shook his head and sighed again waving Callie off as she stepped closer. "Maggie's not lettin' anyone in but Glenn." Rick's hand shot out in frustration and he stared at Callie in bewilderment.
"Well, then let Glenn try and work some of his magic," Callie said quietly stepping towards Rick and putting a hand to his shoulder. "He's got something at stake here too. Let him talk to her. Maggie's a level headed girl. She's in shock and after what almost happened with Beth, I'm sure she's fuckin' scared too. Just give them a bit of space," Callie said squeezing his shoulder. Rick nodded and shifted his eyes around the field near them.
"Everything goin' a'right?" Rick asked shifting his eyes back to her. She raised a brow and he waved his hand around. "You okay?"
"No," Callie said quietly letting her eyes shift around them briefly her hand falling from his shoulder. "Rick," Callie took in a deep breath and shook her head. "I cleaned up Sophia for burial," Callie said as calmly as she could, her eyes again shifting to her stained hands. Rick sighed and reached out for her but she pulled away and raised her hands to wave him off. "I'm-That's not why-I wanted to see the wound on her neck better."
"Why?" Rick asked incredulously, his eyes narrowed in utter confusion. "Why would you do that?"
"Because it didn't look right to me," Callie said her voice cracking a bit. She shifted her eyes around to make sure they were alone and then stepped closer to him. "Rick, we need to tell the group what Jenner told us at the CDC. We need to tell them that we're all infected."
"Jesus, Callie," Rick said in an aggravated tone as he half-glared at her. "Do you really think now is the time to be-"
"Sophia wasn't bit, Rick. She wasn't scratched," Callie continued in a seething tone as she stepped forward again. Rick leaned back from her and stared down at her and she shook her head. "That wound on her neck. I cleaned it up. I - Rick, I think she fell down that ravine that Daryl found her doll in. I think she fell and she must have hit off one of the rocks," Callie looked away at that point her mind rolling through the pain that the girl must have been in and hoping that it was quick. "I think she hit off the rocks and she got sliced open there, the wounds on her body," Callie shook her head and looked back at Rick. "They're just like the ones we cleaned up on Daryl. Maybe she cracked her skull or broke her neck on the way down, but I don't have any way of knowing for sure. I just -that's not something I'm equipped to check." Callie shifted her eyes back to the still awestruck man before her and put a hand to his arm. "Rick, I think she fell down that ravine and she died, and then she just got up and wandered. Just like Jenna did when she came back. That ravine runs right into the creek bed that you were at with Hershel and Jimmy right?"
Rick's hand lifted slowly to cover his mouth as he turned his wide, unblinking eyes back to the side of the house. He shifted listlessly on his feet as if he were going to pass out and then braced himself against the house again. Callie put a hand to his back and stepped closer so that her face was near his.
"Rick," Callie began and he shook his head.
"You're sure?" Rick asked in a hoarse voice as he peered over his upraised arm at her. "You're sure?"
"I've seen what a bite and a scratch does to a person's body enough times to know what it looks like, Rick." Callie said in a hard tone that had his head lifting just a bit. She sighed and slipped her hand over to his neck. "You remember Jim's leg? Jenna's? The way the flesh decayed-" Rick lifted a hand stopping her and nodded his head wearily. "I could be wrong Rick, but-what if I'm not?" Callie shifted her hand and forced his head to turn to her. "Rick this group is breakin' apart and this secret is just one more thing that's gonna weigh down that camel's back. You said it yourself," Callie said quietly her hand squeezing into his neck in support of her next words. "You said you were waiting by Carl's bedside with your gun ready. Somewhere deep down you know what he said is true."
"Is it wrong to just want to believe that he was insane?" Rick said tiredly as he rested his forehead against the side of the house. "Everything that was goin' on there," Rick shook his head and looked at her. "It's not really too hard to believe. Is it wrong to just want to think he was a mad man who had lost touch with reality?"
"No," Callie said with a smile as she stepped back. "But it's dangerous, and naïve. After everything we've seen, everything we've been through. I think it would be foolish not to believe him." Callie let out a breath and watched Rick brace his hands against the side of the house. His head lowered and he sucked in a few deep breaths before he stood up straight and gave her a quick nod. "We need to tell Hershel. I know he needs time, but if he's kickin' us out we need to explain the entire situation to him. Patricia, Maggie, hell all of them. They all need to understand this. I won't be leaving here with a guilty conscience if I can help it."
"You're right," Rick said quietly lifting his hand and putting it on her shoulder. "We'll give Hershel some room and then you and me, we'll go in and tell him what we know. We could hold off the burial, have him look at Sophia?"
"No," Callie said shaking her head. "Sophia needs to be laid to rest. For all of our sakes, let the girl rest."
"A'right," Rick said running his hand through his head and nodding. "A'right. Then we tell him what we know. Both of us comin' at him, I think he'll listen. He knows now, despite how horrible what Shane did was, it definitely drove the point home." Rick let his hand fall from his hair and shot his gaze around the fields at the back of the house. "We tell Hershel, only Hershel. When and who he tells in his family is his business. We tell him and then we tell our people."
"God," Callie said covering her own mouth with her stained hands. Rick lifted his hand to her shoulder and squeezed.
"I'm sorry you had to do that alone," Rick said quietly causing her eyes to lift to him. "If you woulda told me what you were thinkin', I woulda helped."
"I know, Rick." Callie said smiling at him and putting a hand to his face. "I know."
Callie stared at the side of Carol's face as the other woman stared blankly out of the window. They were settled across from each other at the small table in the RV and had been since Callie left Rick nearly an hour ago. They'd sat in complete silence, Carol staring out the window and Callie waiting for her to speak.
But nothing came; it was as if she were closing the door on anything and everything that wanted in. An act that Callie understood all too well.
A shuffling at the doorway had Callie shifting her eyes instantly meeting Daryl's as he worked his way into the RV. He stopped for a moment as if shocked to see her there and then looked away quickly, his eyes shifting to where Carol had now turned to watch him. The two of them locked eyes for a moment before Carol sighed and looked away again. Daryl shifted and settled himself up onto the counter his eyes shifting back towards the small bedroom.
The room that Carol had spent hours cleaning so that Sophia would have a nice place to come back to. The room that she had then destroyed in less than five minutes of thrashing. The broken beer bottle and half-dead flower on the floor were visible through the doorway. Daryl snarled and looked away and Callie wanted nothing more than to take him away from the RV in that moment.
But she knew better.
A timid knock on the door some minutes later had Callie's eyes again shifting, this time away from the staring match she was having with her own hands, that slice on her palm looking back at her. Mocking her. Lori's head popped into the RV and she smiled sadly at the three of them.
"We're ready," Lori said quietly her eyes shifting around again. "Danny's not with you? I thought he'd be—"
"He took a walk," Callie said calmly. She felt Daryl's eyes shift to her and she held his own confused gaze for a moment before turning back to Lori. "We'll be down in a minute."
"I'm not going," Carol said quietly. Callie stopped half-pushed up from the table and looked at the other woman. Carol's eyes shifted over to Lori and she half-heartedly shook her head as she frowned. "Why would I?"
"That's your little girl," Daryl said in hoarse voice that was obviously being restrained. Callie watched the muscle in his jaw tick as he met Carol's watery gaze, watched him glare at that woman as he struggled to understand what she was thinking.
"That's not my little girl," Carol said holding his gaze for a moment before shifting her eyes to Callie now standing beside the table. She held Callie's gaze for a long time and Callie firmed her lips against the press of her tears. "That's some…some thing. Some monster. My Sophia was alone in the woods," Carol continued letting her gaze drift back out the window. Callie closed her eyes at the peacefulness of the other woman's voice and let her chin drop to her chest. "All this time I thought-" Carol cut herself off and shook her head and Callie looked towards Daryl as he slipped off the counter and stared hard at Carol. "Sophia died a long time ago. That's not my little girl."
Callie watched Daryl snarl back whatever comment he wanted to yell at Carol. She watched his eyes flick to her and then watched him slam his way out of the RV. Callie shifted forward after him her hand briefly reaching out to touch on Carol's shoulder. The woman waved her off and settled herself back to staring out the small window at the world.
Callie hopped down the stairs and half-ran after Daryl, only to be stopped by Lori's reaching hand.
"Where is Danny?" Lori asked as Callie pulled away. Callie sighed and raked her hand through her hair searching the area.
"I don't know, Lori. I haven't had a chance to check up on him." Callie shook her head. "I shouldn't need to fuckin' check up on him. Ask Dale. I need to—" Callie waved her hand after quickly moving redneck. Callie looked back to Lori's concerned face and sighed putting a hand to the woman's shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine. Really. Danny's may act like an ass at times, but he's not an idiot. I'm sure he's fine., otherwise I'd be out there right now chasin' him down. Give him a bit longer."
Lori nodded and Callie set off at a jog to catch up to Daryl. Her hand shot out and he spun around faster than she expected knocking her back a few steps.
"The fuck you want?" Daryl growled at her and she lifted a brow at him.
"I'm gonna chalk up your most recent acts of stupidity on grief, Dixon." Callie said poking him in the chest with her finger. "But don't think that buys you some kinda free pass at being an asshole to me all the time." Daryl snarled but more at himself than her and averted his gaze. Callie shifted on her feet and let out a sigh watching as he blinked at the ground rapidly. "Daryl," Callie said stepping forward and reaching out to him. He watched her hand come as if in shock and she let it fall before actually touching him. "I'm so sorry."
"I didn't hurt ya, did I?" Daryl asked out of the blue, his eyes shifting up from the ground. She stared at him for a moment and he sighed. "Back at the barn," he continued rolling his eyes at her apparently annoying lack of understanding. "When I tossed ya off of me?"
"No," Callie said smiling just a bit and stepping closer this time allowing her fingers to touch to his arm and slide down to his hand. He stiffened a bit and then let her link her fingers with his.
"What the fuck is that back there?" Daryl asked after a beat his free hand tossing towards the RV.
"People need to mourn in their own way," Callie said quietly. "And we need to respect that."
"Said it ain't her girl," Daryl spat at the ground as if the words themselves were ill-tasting as he said them. "Said it was some thing. Some monster." Daryl shook his head and glared over her shoulder towards the RV before letting his confusion get the better of him. He pierced her with an almost agonizingly lost look that stole her breath and then continued in a hushed tone. "You lost Jenna. You went and got her, cleaned her up, went to her funeral. Ain't no different."
"Sure it is," Callie said letting her thumb rub idly at his rough knuckles. Daryl stared down at her as she stared at her thumb moving across his skin. "I've had a lot more experience in this, more time to adjust to it. I never had to see them turn because I took them out before it happened, except Jim-" Callie shook her head and Daryl closed his fingers around her hand squeezing. She lifted her eyes to him and held his gaze for a moment. "She's mourning in her own way. The way she's seeing things, seeing Sophia, that's her choice. That's her way of coping." Daryl looked away over her shoulder at the RV again and she let out a sigh. "She can sit there and think of her as a thing, a monster, or she can sit there and think of it as her little girl. But then," Callie said tugging his hand and getting his attention on her and squeezed his hand again. "Right now, to her. If that's her little girl, then Rick didn't take down a Walker, he murdered her baby. Do you understand?"
Daryl furrowed his brow and stared hard at her for a moment until he finally nodded once. Callie smiled tightly and let her fingers slide out of his grip, both of their hands lingering near each other as they stared off into the fields and towards the burial site. One more deep breath in and Callie raked her hand through her hair and took a step.
"We should probably head over-" Callie started but was cut off as Daryl reached out and grabbed her arm keeping her from moving forward. She turned back to him and met his confused and somewhat angered glare. "Daryl….?"
"Did you know she was in there?" Daryl asked in a rough voice through clenched teeth. His grip on her arm tightened just a bit and he pulled her closer so that he could spit his next angry questions in her face. "You got to the barn and you were walkin' 'round lookin' at the bodies. Lookin' for somethin'. Someone. You knew she was in there," Daryl yanked her closer again and she braced her other hand on his chest as he spit his grief in her face. Callie held her ground and glared up at the man as he continued to rail on. "You knew, and you just let me go out there and look. Let me put myself out there like some kinda jackass. Let me almost die for her and you knew. You soothe me, placate me, tellin' me that you believe we're gonna find her and the whole time you —"
"Fuck you, Dixon!" Callie seethed at him pushing him away and watching the shock roll over top of his anger. She stepped forward and pointed a finger at his chest. "I told you I'd only put up with so much stupidity from you because of this, and boy, you just hit your limit." Callie snapped her mouth shut and pressed her finger hard into his chest anger rushing her words as blood pounded between her ears. His ridiculous accusations were fueling her little tirade on with little to no mind of what she was actually saying anymore. She shook her head at him and pushed her finger into his chest. "Fuck you. Fuck you. I have never once lied to you about anything. Never. I've told you everything." She shook her head and let her hand fall from his chest. "I have never placated anyone I love with lies. Never. You'd be a shitty person to start with."
Callie turned from him in that moment and walked away feeling his eyes boring holes into her back as she trudged towards the group assembling for Sophia's funeral. She felt him step after her, felt his presence at her back maintaining a good distance from her as they both headed to the same destination. Callie's watering eyes met Rick's steady gaze and she shook her head as she put a hand to Ben's shoulders. Bending to pick up Gracie she let Ben shuffle off to meet Daryl and watched the man wave the boy off a bit as he continued to stare at her. She shifted Gracie on her hip and held his gaze as Ben settled in next to him, pressing his back as close to the man's legs as he could without touching him.
After a moment, Daryl lowered his gaze to the ground and snarled at himself before placing a heavy hand on top of Ben's head. Ben looked up, or tried to but Daryl's hand kept his head down, and the boy shuffled closer to Daryl before settling as Dale began to read from Danny's Bible.
Callie let her eyes wander the group, their faces so broken and defeated. So lost and scared. She caught Rick's gaze and he looked away trying to put up a strong front for Carl situated next to him. Miles was settled near Dale and Andrea, and when he caught her eyes she read the need to talk immediately. A shiver ran through her in that moment and she let her gaze slide around the area.
Danny was still nowhere to be found and the daylight would be fading sooner rather than later. She sighed as she put her cheek to the top of Gracie's head and shifted her eyes to Daryl, again catching his piercing gaze settled upon her. He stared at her for a moment, some expression she'd never seen before riding his features. Her brow furrowed a bit, silently asking if he was okay. Knowing no matter how much he pissed her off that she couldn't take it too personally. He was grieving in the only way he knew how. But she didn't have any plans to just sit there and take it. A moment later Daryl clenched his jaw tight and then looked back to the two tiny graves set up next to one another, leaving her to stare at him this time.
Dale finished the small reading and lifted his sad eyes around, the unasked question hanging in the air. Would anyone speak for Sophia? He waited for a long beat in a heavy silence for someone to speak up and say a few words about the girl they'd just laid to rest, but no one did. Callie shifted a bit on her feet under Dale's gaze but gave a quick shake of her head in answer to his plea.
There really just wasn't anything left to be said, that they hadn't said only days ago when they'd laid Jenna to rest. For Callie it was all too fresh, all too—a single tear slipped down her cheek and she shifted her hand so that she could swat it away before anyone could see. The heat of Daryl's gaze on her face as she slipped Gracie down to the ground told her that she hadn't moved fast enough. Then again she never did when he was around.
The group began to disperse, everyone silently going off in their own directions. Shane's stalking steps passing by Callie's field of vision. She was a bit shocked when his angered gaze landed on her so hard but the strange sort of acknowledging nod that he gave her was what had her taking a single step back. With her hand at Gracie's shoulder Callie stood by the graves for a moment longer, her eyes again finding Daryl who had let his hand drop from Ben's head.
The man stared at her for a moment, again that odd expression on his angered face, and then he turned and stalked off. Ben shifted on his feet, his eyes watching the man he'd come to think of as a surrogate father just leave him behind. Callie let out a breath and waved the boy over when he sent her a confused stare.
"Callie," Miles' voice slipped over her as she reached out a hand to Ben and she shifted to see the boy standing with Dale not far off. She grimaced, knowing that the looks in both men's eyes were portending something she really fucking needed right now. With a sigh she held up a finger to them and looked down to Gracie and Ben.
"Stay with Daryl," She said looking Ben in the eye and then shifting her eyes to the silently crying little girl. She wiped Gracie's tears and gave the girl a hard look before looking back to the still confused Ben.
"He don't want us with him," Ben said shifting his eyes over his shoulder to where the man had fled.
"You think I give a shit," Callie said with a smile. "He isn't fully healed up yet, and you and I had a deal." Callie said shifting to a crouch and watching Ben's brow furrow. "One of us is with him at all times. Now I got a few things I got to deal with here with Dale and then Hershel. So I need you," she shifted her eyes to Gracie and smiled. "Both of you, to make sure he doesn't go off and do somethin' stupid. Get me?"
"I get you," Ben said a bit excitedly as he grabbed his sister's hand and started dragging her off towards where Daryl could be seen rummaging in his tent not far off.
Callie stood up and watched them go, waiting until she knew they were out of earshot before sighing and rubbing a hand over her mouth. She turned to where Dale and Miles still stood and let her hand fall to the gun settled in the holster at her hip.
"You two look like you're full of good news," Callie said tiredly her eyes rolling at the grimace that slipped onto Miles' face. "Do I need to sit down for this?" Callie said waving a hand at the two of them.
"Shane went and jumped off the cliffs of insanity. Danny almost shot him, and then he went off for a 'mind-clearin walk' that he ain't come back from yet. And well, I'm pretty sure I saw Carol walkin' out of the RV and into the woods." Miles said quickly his eyes widening at the end of his explanation before he let out a long sigh and raked his fingers through his hair.
Callie shifted her eyes to Dale who grimaced and raised both brows and then back to Miles who continued to hold his hand in his hair and stare at her. Sighing heavily Callie shifted her eyes around the farm and shook her head.
"So that's a yes," Callie said as exhaustion began to shift into her muscles causing her to bounce on her feet a bit. "I should sit down."
And after the storm
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up
On my knees and out of luck, I look up
Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart, I won't rot
And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall
And remembered our own land
What we lived for
~After The Storm / Mumford & Sons
AN: Oh MY GOD. Have I ever taken so long to update. I'm SO sorry. I really am. Got lots going on…I'll fill y'all in later but let's just say it's been crazy here. Finding time to write is like pullin' teeth and good lord… ANYHOOOO… here it is.
I'm sorry it's been broken up into a Two-parter, but there just really wasn't any way around it. I'm hard at work at part two…all broken up and ready to go… so hopefully if I can just find some good chunks of time to write I'll be golden!
A quick shout out to all my NEW followers/readers. Welcome. Also, not sure if you'd seen it or not, but (Fic-pimpin' my own shit) I wrote a little Caryl it's called "Something". Short little baby fic (for me) and hey, I don't know if you like that kinda thing head on over.
Much love
And Happy New Year!
See ya in Part 2