New Meanings To Old Words: Love
Here we go… moving on and ever forward. I had these HIGH HOPES of having this done by the time Season 3 started back up. Then I laughed at myself so hard it hurt. Hope y'all are ready for the rest of our little ride here!
As always read, review and most of all enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Callie and the crew of misfits (Danny, Miles, Jenna, Mike, Nina, Ben and Gracie).
For What It's Worth
Daryl stopped in his tracks at the sight of the Hummer parked up next to that broke down chimney. He stopped dead and stared while Ben just sauntered into their new little camp area and over to where Miles was workin' to unload what was inside the hulking vehicle. Miles spared a smilin' glance down at Ben who smiled back and grabbed up a small duffle bag that rattled like crazy as he hefted it over his small shoulder.
Daryl's eyes narrowed and his brow twitched just a bit as he watched Ben glance back at him and then plop down on the ground where he'd been curled up before they left to go hunting. The boy opened his pack and pulled out a few cans and Daryl felt his head shakin' in confusion.
Anger clawed its way through the haze of Daryl's confusion and settled firmly back onto the lanky form of the boy workin' what looked to be a bundled up tent out of the back of the large vehicle. A large fuckin' tent. A large fuckin' tent that Daryl had put into the back of that vehicle not long ago. Daryl felt himself growlin' as his feet ate up the distance between them, and felt his anger growin' as the boy didn't even bother to spare him a glance.
Miles was heftin' the large tent out of the back of the Hummer, and Daryl snarled at him as he let his eyes roam around at the fuckin' mess of shit littering the ground near the back end of the vehicle.
"The fuck you doin'?" Daryl snarled, finally causing Miles to shift his attention away from the back of car and over to him.
"What's it look like?" Miles said archin' a petulant brow at Daryl as he slid the tent out the rest of the way.
"Looks like you're eager to get your ass beat, s'what it looks like," Daryl said raising a brow as Miles chuckled and shook his head. "The fuck is all this shit?" Daryl waved his arm around at the mess on the ground and sniffed back his annoyance at the boy now just staring at him.
"It's our supplies," Miles said slowly as if Daryl really didn't know what the fuck the kid was unloadin' Miles smirked as Daryl snarled at his sarcastic remark and chuckled before shrugging and turnin' back to what he was doin'. "I'm settin' up the Hummer for me, Ben, and Gracie to sleep in since you seemed to have forgotten 'bout 'em in your move. I can't do that with all this shit in there, so…" Miles let the statement hang there and looked away as Daryl continued to just stare at the boy in confusion.
"Callie tell you to do this?" Daryl asked quietly as he watched Miles shift the last bag inside onto the ground. Daryl's eyes shifted to where Ben was sitting on the ground workin' to string together cans, obviously pretendin' not to be listenin' but failin' miserably when his little eyes darted away at the sight of Daryl lookin' at him.
"Yep," Miles said simply, letting the last bag fall to the ground with a hard thud. Daryl shifted his eyes away from Ben and back to the kid now settling his ass along the open tailgate of the Hummer. Scoffing and shakin' his head Daryl turned away from the kid, only to be stopped by his voice ringing out. "She agreed with you," Miles said simply and Daryl glared back at him watching the smile slowly edge it's way onto the kid's face. Miles let out a scoffing laugh of his own and shook his head. "Said you had a fuckin' point about not knowin' how long we would be here and figured this was the best way to ensure all of our shit was packed and ready. Or did you forget that you'd need to store the rest of your shit in the Hummer?" Miles continued and Daryl growled low in his throat and turned away, listening in growin' agitation as Miles footsteps followed behind him. "So seriously man, you wanna explain what the fuck you're doin' here?"
Miles spat the question out in an angry rush and stopped dead in his tracks as Daryl spun around to glare full force at the boy. Miles sniffed and visibly bristled just a bit, as if he expected Daryl to slug him. And fuck if the kid wasn't right, he was 'bout two seconds away from lettin' his fist just fly but the look in the kid's eye as he stared Daryl down had him swallowing that urge. Swallowin' it hard and clenchin' his fist tight as he just turned away.
"She's never gonna ask," Miles said quietly as Daryl turned his back again. This time Daryl just stopped, his eyes landing upon the three bags, her bags, settled just outside the tent. Daryl's lips firmed and his jaw clenched as he listened to Miles shift from foot to foot and Ben clinkin' those fuckin' cans of his. "She won't. Ain't her way. She's not gonna chase you, she's not gonna drag you kickin' and screamin' into somethin' she thinks you don't want." Miles' voice spat out those last words and Daryl shifted his eyes over his shoulder to see the boy shakin' his head at him. "Why the fuck would you let her think that, man. It's obviously not true-"
"Listen, kid," Daryl said, his voice growlin' just a bit as he worked to control his temper. He was angry but not really at the kid. Fuck, he didn't know what he was angry about. The sound of the cans Ben was playin' with stopped for a moment, and Daryl shook his head as he sighed. "It's just," Daryl stopped and clenched his jaw a bit as he shook his head again. "It's just 'bout time me an' her stopped actin' like we lived in some romance novel and re-entered the real fuckin' world. How it is now. We're gonna be on the road again soon. Now's as good a time as any to put an end to all that bullshit."
"Oh there's bullshit 'round for sure, but that's all comin' from you," Miles scoffed out as he lifted both arms to the air. "What the fuck man? You seriously think Callie considers this some kind of fuckin' romance novel? Losin' Jenna. Sophia," Miles' shook his head as Daryl finally turned to face him, anger rushin' up anew in his blood as Miles took a step closer. "She's blamin' herself for both of those girls, just like Rick. Just like you. And while she's busy tryin' to help Carol cope with it, tryin' to help Gracie who's been fuckin' traumatized again, and Ben," Miles waved his hand to where the little boy was now just starin' at them with the string of cans abandoned in his lap and Daryl let his eyes linger on the little boy for a moment. "Dealin' with Danny bein' fuckin' AWOL and everything else and you decide to just move your ass out of her life. Actin' like it ain't nothin', actin' like you don't care 'bout her-"
"'Course I fuckin' care 'bout her! She knows I fuckin' care!" Daryl spat at Miles his own arms swinging out between them in frustration. "I did this for-. I fucked up, I accused her-" Daryl snarled and looked away his nose twitching at the frayin' of his nerves and that telltale sensation of water wellin' behind his fuckin' eyes. "I fucked up. I figured movin' away givin' her space was the right thing after what I said to her before. Ain't like I was tellin' her to leave me alone, I kept her fuckin' bags here. I figured I'd let her make the fuckin' choice." Daryl turned and glared over his shoulder at Miles who was still shakin' his head at him. "Her fuckin' choice, and she sent you to set up a sleepin' arrangement for Ben and Gracie instead of comin' her-damn-self to do it." Daryl said noddin' his head towards the tent layin' on the ground. "Her fuckin' choice. What the fuck was I supposed to do?"
"What were you supposed to do?" Miles muttered almost incredulously as Daryl half-turned towards him. "You serious?" Miles asked lifting a confused brow. "You're askin' me?" Miles asked and Daryl just continued to stare at him half-snarlin' because yes, yes he was fuckin' askin' the boy what he was supposed to have done. "Fuck, you want to know what you should have done? Fine," Miles spat as he stormed past Daryl and over to where Callie's bags were settled. He picked up one bag in one hand and the other two in his other and glared at Daryl. Lifting the one bag up he shook it a bit. "This is her go-bag, this stays in the Hummer just in case we gotta pick up and move quick." He shook it again and shook his head as he moved towards the front of the tent. "These two go in here," Miles threw Callie's bag inside the tent and then stalked his way towards the Hummer, his shoulder again brushin' into Daryl's as he moved.
Miles tossed the go-bag onto the little pile of other bags near the vehicle's rear wheel and then turned to flash an angered look back at Daryl. There was a single beat of silence before Miles dragged in a sigh and blinked away what Daryl was shocked to see were tears.
"That's what you fuckin' shoulda done. You don't give her the choice, man, not if you want her," Miles said simply. "She's not here now because she's busy checkin' on Carol and Beth, busy keepin' an eye on Shane while Rick's gone, and worryin' 'bout Danny. Her mind is bein' pulled in a million different directions right now. And I know Sophia's hittin' you hard," Miles said quietly his head shifting off to the side as Daryl's gaze averted to the ground. "Man you're not alone there. Callie and I were out there, too. We believed-" Miles caught Daryl's eye and let out a ragged sigh.
A beat of silence settled between them as Miles averted his gaze and stared down at his shoes. His eyes were roaming the grass and dirt at his feet as he worked to apparently settle his nerves and collect his thoughts. Daryl remained silent, watching the boy who had apparently grown into a man in the span of a few days. His lips twitched as he watched Miles' shoulders lift and fall three times and he snarled when the boy looked back up at him with a look that Daryl pegged immediately.
Disappointment.
Fuckin' great. Like he needed to know that he'd disappointed another person who depended on him.
"I'm not gonna say you movin' your shit away from the rest of the group is a bad move," Miles said quietly. "Fuck, I don't really wanna be anywhere near to there when the bomb that is Shane really does go off. So yeah," Miles nodded and placed his hands on his hips. "I get that. Group's gone mad. But leavin' her like that. Takin' your shit and makin' her think-" Miles' mouth hitched to the side and he slipped his gaze over to Ben settled on the ground now blatantly starin' at them. "We're a package deal, man. You want her gone then we all go too. You get me?"
Daryl didn't respond just let his gaze settle hard on the boy givin' him advice a few feet away. There was something strange about it. Havin' Miles be the one to talk to him about this shit. Miles who only a few days ago was on the edge of his own fear. An edge that Daryl had been the one to pull the kid back from and offer his assistance in the only way he knew how. Daryl continued to lock his gaze with that boy-become-man and suddenly felt a bit of shame.
"She loves you," Miles said simply and Daryl's eyes slipped off to the side. Away from that boy and his truth tellin'. "Don't push her away, man." Miles shifted his weight from foot to foot waitin'. Waitin' for Daryl to say something. Waitin' in vain. After a few seconds Miles let out a disgruntled, fuckin' disappoined, sigh and turned away. "I'm gonna go check on Gracie, see if Danny's sauntered his gimp ass back yet. I'll be back to finish this up later."
Miles shifted his eyes to Ben who gave a small nod and smile in return. With a waving hand of dismissal over his head Miles started off towards the farm. Daryl turned away in a huff of childish proportions and began slammin' shit around. The string of squirrels that he and Ben had managed to kill on their little mind-clearin' hunt earlier was tossed angrily to the ground while Daryl rummaged mindlessly in a pile of shit near the tent. The slight clinking of cans had his hands stopping, but he kept his eyes to the ground.
"He's right," Ben's little voice echoed out. A voice that hadn't said a damn thing to him since Sophia's funeral. Not one single word had been spoken while they'd been out in the woods. Not one word. Daryl had been worried a bit, that maybe the boy was gonna be dealin' with things the way his sister had. Shutting off the world. Just shuttin' down and waitin' for the smoke to clear and the dust to settle. He'd been worried, but in a strange sort of way he'd welcomed the kid's silence. Because he didn't know what to tell him. Didn't have a damn clue where to start to try and help the kid get over what had gone down on the farm. Daryl's eyes tipped over his shoulder to where Ben was still settled on the ground, his little blue eyes borin' a hole into the back of Daryl's head. "You know he is. I can see it. So why are you bein' so weird 'bout it?"
Daryl's lips twitched to the side again as he shifted his eyes back to the pile of shit he was goin' through. He snarled at his hands and then growled his response to the ground.
"Liked it better when you was playin' fuckin' mute," Daryl muttered, sneerin' at the words as they left his mouth. "So shut it."
A beat of silence, silence so heavy that Daryl would have thought there was a man at his back glarin' at him instead of a little boy, hung to the air. The sound of cans clinking around and the shuffling sound of Ben gettin' to his feet had Daryl's sharply narrowed eyes shifting back over his shoulder. Ben stood there just lookin' back at Daryl, not glarin' like Daryl had imagined him to be. Just starin' at him as if he were tryin' to read a book with a plot that was well over his head.
"Gonna go check on Gracie," Ben said finally his little nose twitchin' to the side as he sniffed back whatever was ticklin' it. Ben blinked a few times and then sneered at the ground at his feet and Daryl watched the boy's head shake from side to side in a familiar clearin' motion. "Gonna help Miles and Callie and leave you to-" Ben's eyes lifted, a strange look of confusion crossing his face as he struggled to find the word he was lookin' for.
Eventually he gave up and left the statement to hang in the air like a thick smog around Daryl's head. Daryl stayed crouched, his eyes watching Ben over his shoulder as he stalked off back towards camp. The slightly darkening sky had Daryl's mouth twitchin' and his hands clenchin' as he fought the urge to stand up and walk with the boy. Fought the urge to make sure he got back safe and sound to the rest of the group. Fought it hard and swallowed it down as the boy's figure disappeared from his view.
Callie raked her hands over her face and up into her hair, letting her eyes close as she took in a much needed deep breath. Her feet trudged over the dirt and grass leading away from the house and towards the RV in the distance. The sigh that left her at the sight of the darkness that had grown along the horizon as she sat with Maggie and Patricia at Beth's bedside echoed out in the seemingly empty world around her.
"Everything alright?" Dale's voice broke into Callie's thoughts and had her eyes opening wide. Shifting her eyes around her she realized that at some point her feet had led her to her destination outside the RV. Shifting her eyes to the side where Dale was settled upon a lawn chair near the back of the vehicle she wondered how long she'd been standing there just breathing.
"Well, Dale," Callie said letting her hands fall from where they'd tangled in her hair. "If your definition of 'alright' is 'shitty as hell' then yes, everything is 'alright'." Dale chuckled and lifted a hand in a sort of mock surrender motion and Callie shifted on her feet a bit.
"Fair enough," Dale said as Callie made her way towards him. Shifting on his seat he settled his hands to his knees and gave her a small smile. Callie's eyes shifted to the top of the RV where she could see a dark silhouette. Her eyes must have shown confusion when she looked back o Dale, because his smile returned as he answered her unasked question. "Miles," Dale said quietly his eyes shifting up to the figure settled there with the rifle. "Gracie and Ben are up there with him."
Callie raised a brow at that, her eyes shifting back to where Daryl's new little campsite sat. She couldn't see it from this distance, but her eyes picked up a dark mass in the distance that she knew must have been the Hummer. She bit at the inside of her cheek as she stared out into that darkness. The knowledge that Ben was no longer at Daryl's side for some reason settled wrong along her already frayed nerves.
Settled hard, and uneasy, because since the attack at the Quarry and the fucked up mess that was the CDC there had never been a time when Daryl had pushed off the presence of those kids. Never.
Shaking her head Callie gave up trying to read more into it. Daryl needed his space now, just as much as anyone else. She blinked away the slight pounding behind her eyes and that almost unrelenting force of nature that had her wanting to go and check on the fuckin' redneck bastard and shifted her eyes back to Dale and the other problem clawing at her.
"Too much to hope that Danny's ass is up there too, huh?" Callie muttered as she scratched at the back of her neck. Dale's smile shifted into a grimace and she echoed his sentiment by lifting a hand in a shrugging motion. "Yeah, fucking wishful thinkin'," Callie said letting her hand fall to rest on the gun in settled in the holster around her hips.
Silence slipped between them and Callie let her eyes wander the camp area, listening as Dale shifted and got to his feet. Her eyes slid back to him as he approached her with that fatherly look of concern and she felt the need to turn away. Because she knew what was coming and her eyes shifted back off into the distance to that fucking little campground.
Fuckin' redneck bastard.
"Is everything alright with Daryl?" Dale asked quietly, his eyes shifting up to the top of the RV and then back to her. She lifted a brow at him for his use of the word 'alright' again, and he let out a disgruntled sigh at her. Dale's shoulders slumped slightly before his eyes shifted back up to Miles and then down to her. "Miles packed up your stuff and moved it. Said you'd explain that to me later but you don't need to. I understand that much," Dale said with a small smile that she returned as well as she could. "What I don't understand is why he moved out there in the first place? Now is not the time to be pulling away. Do you really think it's such a good idea to let him distance himself?"
"Did you really think letting Danny take himself a walk was a good idea?" Callie asked in return. She instantly felt bad about the flippant remark when she saw Dale's lips firm and his jaw clench slightly. Sighing Callie lifted her hand in apology and then let it fall as Dale waved her off. "I'm sorry, Dale. I just-" she stopped and shook her head as her eyes roamed the area. "I don't know what's a good idea anymore. I don't know what to do for him. He's hurting and he needs time to process and I understand that. But I just hate that his method of processing is to push everyone who cares about him as far away as possible. I want to go out there and hold him and tell him things will be okay, then I just want to shake the bastard for like an hour, but I feel that may be counterproductive," Callie said mimicking the motion by holding her hands out and shaking them which had Dale chuckling a bit.
"Maybe a bit," Dale said quietly and she smiled at him.
"So, like I told Carol," Callie said watching as Dale's eyes slid out to where Daryl's little camp lay. "Give him a bit of space for now. Tonight, let him grieve in his own way. We have enough people to worry about without sending that man packing any further away than he already is. Then I'll shake the fuck outta him tomorrow if he's still actin' like an idiot."
Dale sighed but nodded his acknowledgement of her words as he ran a hand over his balding head. They stood in silence for a few moments more before Dale began to speak softly about his conversations with T-Dog and the growing unease that both men were feeling with the tension that had developed between Shane and Rick. Callie nodded her head but remained silent her eyes shying away as the older man despairingly looked for her to ease his mind on that matter. She firmed her lips and looked away and he sighed again.
He spoke then of his conversation with Carol, which had been more an instance of him speaking and her quietly listening. Callie's eyes shifted to the RV, the bare hint of a light in the back bedroom window telling her that Carol was still in that room. Sitting in the destruction she'd caused earlier and staring at a floor littered with glass and dead promises of hope.
Callie's eyes shifted away from the RV at that point over towards the small row of parked cars near to the roadway into the farm. Dale's voice continued to drone in her ears as he spoke of his worry for Danny and his guilt at that situation. She was half-listening to him and half-watching the distinct thin form pacing near the parked cars. Dale sighed again at her side and Callie lifted a comforting hand to his shoulder causing him to
"Don't blame yourself, Dale. That's not gonna help anything," Callie said squeezing his shoulder lightly and shifting her eyes between him and the cars. Dale read her actions well enough and looked over to the figure pacing the ground in the darkened hues of early evening. His worried frown met hers and she smiled at him squeezing his shoulder again and then letting her hand fall.
Dale nodded a bit and she felt him watching her as she slowly made her way towards the figure in the distance. Callie's eyes shifted around the area, peeking over her shoulder once to where Miles, Ben and Gracie were settled atop the RV before bouncing back to the figure. Slipping her hands into her back pockets Callie settled at the front of the car closest to the road and watched.
Lori continued to pace along the roadway, her eyes shifting down towards where Rick and Glenn had disappeared hours ago. Lori's hands moved from their defiant and angered position at her hips to cross over her chest in a protective place over her chest. Callie watched for a few silent seconds before clearing her throat and startling the woman from her staring match with the quickly darkening road.
"Oh," Lori spun on her heel at the sound of Callie's small cough. Callie couldn't help but smile as Lori's startled expression gave way to a slightly annoyed grimace, and she shifted her hands out of her pockets to hold them out before her in a motion begging forgiveness.
Callie held Lori's gaze for a moment, watching as the woman's mouth twitched out of annoyance and back into worry. Then, an instant before Lori turned back towards the road, she saw a look that was all too familiar and it had Callie's head shaking in slight disapproval.
"They've been gone too long," Lori said quietly to the growing dark around them. Callie's eyes slipped away from Lori and down the road, her mouth twitching slightly in her own growing unease at the truth of Lori's statement. Callie found her head nodding idly and realized only a moment too late that Lori had turned to watch her doing it.
"You can't put a label of 'too long' on anything anymore," Callie said defiantly as Lori raised a disbelieving brow. Callie let out a low sigh, realizing that the words sounded hollow even to her.
"You're thinking it too," Lori said quietly, a huff of annoyance slipping out of her lips as she turned away again. "Don't even pretend you're not."
"Alright," Callie said after a moment, the easy admission obviously shocking Lori and causing her to turn back towards where Callie was perched near the car. "You're right. It's been too long for my comfort. But—" Callie said shifting so that her backside was settled along the front bumper of the car behind her. "I'm not the one out here contemplating going out after them. Strangely enough."
"I'm not—" Lori began but Callie shook her head and raised a hand stopping her mid-denial.
"You're still grippin' the keys there, Lori," Callie's said shifting one finger out to point at the silver ring glinting in the low remaining light around them. Lori's eyes slipped to her hands still shoved under her arms in that self-preserving stance. Callie watched Lori tuck her hands further out of sight as she turned away and chuckled just a bit at the woman's childish actions.
Silence slipped between them. Lori continuing to watch the road as if any minute the car full of men would just appear out of the growing dark and put all her fears to rest. While Callie watched Lori, as if the woman would suddenly just vanish into the dark on some crazed rescue mission for the husband she'd already lost once before and feared losing again.
A small smile tilted Callie's lips as she suddenly realized exactly what Daryl must feel like every time she went off on her own little missions, most times leaving him to worry after her.
"I asked Daryl to go," Lori said quietly, the woman's sudden mention of his name startling Callie from her thoughts and thrusting her back onto that roadway in the growing dark. Callie's eyes narrowed at Lori's thin shoulders, watching as the woman bristled as if annoyed or angered and Callie couldn't help the swell of answering annoyance that grew in her.
"Why?" Callie snapped as she pushed off of the car she'd been leaning on and advanced on Lori's slowly turning form. Lori's wide, slightly confused eyes watched Callie approach and Callie shook her head. "Why would you even think of asking him?"
"He's-" Lori stopped and turned to face Callie completely, her eyes widened briefly as she apparently rethought her initial response. Callie's jaw tightened as she stared at Lori's face, trying to decipher what that initial response may have been. "He and Rick are friends…kind of," Lori sighed at her own lie and raked a hand through her hair. "I'm not fool enough to think that me going out half-cocked after them is a good idea, Callie. I'm not you."
"Gee thanks," Callie muttered, her anger slipping just a bit at Lori's slight smile. Shaking her head Callie raked her own hand through her hair and scratched the back of her neck, waiting for Lori to continue. Her mind still working to try and figure out why Lori would have asked Daryl to go out after Rick.
Yes, Daryl had begrudgingly grown to respect Rick, and vice versa. And obviously there was some growing…something between the two men. Callie wouldn't stretch the truth enough to say that 'something' was friendship. Respect. Yes. Friendship? Really only time and the slight wavering of Daryl fuckin' Dixon's aversion to anything resembling a relationship with someone would tell.
And Lori knew damn well the truth of that. So why-
Callie's eyes narrowed just a bit as Lori's hands snaked back up and her arms wrapped protectively over midsection. Small hairs on the back of her neck started to stand on end causing Callie to stand at attention and search around them. Search for the physical manifestation of that reasoning behind Lori's request of Daryl.
"What did he say?" Callie said idly as she let her eyes slip over her shoulder towards the campsite. Where was he? Callie turned back around to see Lori staring at her in confusion. "Daryl," Callie clarified raising an expectant brow as Lori blinked her slow understanding. "What did he say when you asked?"
"It was his usual colorful turn of phrase; something about my bitch goin' window-shopping," Lori began in an almost annoyed tone. Callie tried to snuff her chuckle and had to bring her hand up to cover her mouth when Lori turned and pinned her with a glare. Callie waved a hand and then shrugged at the other woman's annoyance. "He also put me in place after I said something…that in hindsight I realize was very stupid." Lori continued and Callie lifted an expectant brow. "I don't really want to repeat it, Callie. I'm a bit ashamed I said it in the first place. Especially to him. Now."
"Did you really expect something else from him?" Callie asked quietly and Lori stared hard at her. "Really Lori," Callie continued in a more firm tone. "The man's grieving," Callie said, her annoyance flaring back to life at Lori's continued look of fucking confusion. "Why the hell is it so hard for everyone to believe that he's hurting? After everything he's been through," Callie shook her head and waved her hand around. "You're being obtuse and fuckin' selfish to think that he would just drop his own grief aside to go off lookin' for Rick. Honestly Lori, what the hell were you thinkin' even approaching him with that?" Lori's jaw clenched tight at the question and Callie pushed forward a bit noticing the strange gleam in Lori's eyes. Noticing the cowed expression along with something else. Something that startled Callie and had her voice dropping from angered to searching and had her wanting to reach out and comfort the woman even as she reprimanded her. Callie pressed on with her questioning in a firm tone meant to keep the other woman calm and comfortable in the face of things. "Lori, if you were lookin' for Rick's friend to go off and bring him back, why the fuck would you go to Daryl? Why would you go to Daryl, Lori, when his best friend is here?"
Lori didn't answer the very straightforward question that Callie posed. Not in words at least. She answered in the firming of her lips, small tick of her jaw, and the tightening of her arms over her body. Arms that were cradling over her abdomen tightly, protectively. Lori's eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and her thin frame was wracking with a chill of fear.
Looking into Lori's eyes Callie knew exactly why the woman would have gone to Daryl instead of Shane to bring Rick back. Knew without a shadow of a doubt why. She hadn't gone to Daryl with the request because she thought so greatly of his skill in this new world. She hadn't gone to him because she believed that he wasn't mourning the loss of Sophia; no she knew that Daryl was mourning just as much as anyone else as evidenced by her shame now. She hadn't gone to him because of this imaginary friendship between Daryl and Rick, a friendship that was in its infancy if in existence at all.
She went to Daryl because she thought of him as her only viable option. She went to Daryl because she knew she couldn't go to Shane, Rick's true friend.
Because Lori wasn't sure that Shane would actually bring Rick back alive.
It was startling to know that Lori, of all people -Lori who knew Rick and Shane better than anyone else in this little camp- was worried about such a thing. That she believed, the same as Callie, that Shane was a danger not to the group but to Rick. Callie swallowed and stepped forward putting a hand to Lori's arm squeezing once before letting her hand slide down and snatch the keys from Lori's cold fingers.
Lori's look of alarm didn't fade as Callie clenched the keys tight and turned from her. Callie felt Lori's gaze and heard her quick steps towards her, which caused Callie to turn and face her with a stiff smile.
"If we're goin' we aren't going without a gear; weapons and a med kit," Callie said smiling wider as Lori's steps faltered. Callie shifted her head and gave a nod up to where her kids were settled atop the RV. "And we're not goin' without tellin' someone. I'm not fool enough to think this is a 'good' idea, Lori," Callie said echoing the other woman's words with a sarcastic tilt to her lips. "I might go off half-cocked, but the half I got workin' works real fuckin' good. I'll be back in a few," Callie said half-turning from the woman still staring at her in what she could only describe as awe. "And then you and I can have a nice long chat while we go fuckin' find your husband. A long chat that's gonna have you answering that question I just asked."
The silence of the small little campsite Daryl had created was almost deafening. The darkness around them that seemed to have invaded quicker than any night before it was thick with tension as he stared hard at Carol not three feet from him. She was starin' at him; awe, anger and something else dancing across her delicate features in the bare light provided by the small fire Miles had built.
Daryl continued to stare at Carol, her shinin' blue eyes flickerin' in the orange glow at her side as her thin lips firmed into a straight line. His eyes remained locked on Carol but he felt the stare of not only her, but Miles off to the side settled in near the Hummer with Gracie, and Ben in his spot on the ground across the fire from them. He felt all of those stares and wanted nothing more than to turn tail and run. To duck his head and slip himself into the safety of his tent away from their judgin' and their fuckin' fear.
Fear.
That was the something else edgin' its way along Carol's delicate features. Fear of him. Fear that he was actually going to do what she had just told him to fuckin' do.
Go ahead.
Who the fuck did she think she was? Go ahead. Where the fuck did she get off sayin' that to him? Go ahead. What the fuck was wrong with her? Daryl's mouth twitched with the snarl that was growin' along with the taste of his own bile at the back of his throat. His mouth stretched with the pull of that snarl and he felt the growl of anger ripping free between his tightly clenched teeth.
"Daryl wouldn't never hit you, Carol?" Ben's slightly confused voice broke through the haze of Daryl confusion and anger and had his eyes shifting just slightly over to where the boy sat. His big fuckin' blue eyes were starin' up at Carol over the small dancing flame. Wide unblinkin' eyes that were lookin' at that woman exactly as Daryl figured he woulda been too if he hadn't been just so damned angry with her. Wide eyes that shifted over to him and startled him with the conviction and assurance that backed the words he'd just spoken.
Eyes that pierced deep down into Daryl's heart and shattered another layer deep beneath his surface. Eyes that begged him to confirm his suspicion. Begged him to tell the frightened woman that he would never hurt her that way.
Eyes that Daryl watched widen with self-doubt. Eyes that finally caused that bile to slide just a bit further up in his throat so that Daryl had to swallow down the acrid taste before it could escape any further.
Eyes that didn't really want the truth, but began to see it anyway. Began to see that Daryl probably wouldn't ever hit Carol, not really.
But that he wanted to.
"Carol why don't you head on back to the house," Miles' voice echoed out over the campsite; echoed as if a long way away. Daryl blinked away from Ben's confused and slightly saddened eyes and looked to where Carol still stood starin' at him. "Carol?" Miles' voice again and the sound of the boy getting to his feet from the ground where he'd been sitting just fuckin' shufflin' his deck of cards.
Daryl held Carol's gaze a moment longer, watchin' as that glimmer of tears grew and grew on the surface. Eventually it would be too much to contain, and the tears she was desperate to hold back would fall in rapid succession down her pale cheeks. Daryl could see it happening in his mind's eye and he snarled and looked away before the vision became a reality.
"Get the fuck outta here, crazy bitch," Daryl seethed as he turned his back on Carol and her shimmering blue eyes.
He kept his back to the woman, listening as Miles no doubt made his way towards the apparently frozen woman. He listened to Miles again call her name and felt the moment that her eyes finally left his back. Felt it and turned to see her snatchin' her arm away from Miles in an almost childish manner as she began to walk back towards the farm and the RV in the distance. Her eyes shifted over her shoulder once more and Daryl instantly looked away, not willing to get caught up in another starin' match that he was fuckin' destined to lose.
Daryl's eyes darted around his little campsite, shiftin' over the ruin of brick and mortar that helped to block the little fire from view. Over the tent he'd set up for himself—and Callie. Over the dark shape of Merle's bike and the string that ran across the two trees and held the carcasses of the few squirrels that he and Ben had been able to bag earlier that day. Over the form of Ben still starin' at him in silence, the fuckin' cans that he'd been stringin' slowly together forgotten in his lap. Over to where Carol had stood and Miles now lingered, the kid's body turned so that he could half-watch the woman retreat back to the farmhouse and half-watch Daryl. Over to the Hummer and its pile of shit settled neatly at the rear wheel, organized and ready to be put back at a moment's notice. Over to where Gracie was huddled, her knees raised and hiding the majority of her face, leaving only her eyes free and clear to stare back at him in that same startling fear-widened state as her brother's.
Silence settled heavy around them all, the slight cracklin' of the fire the only real sound that Daryl could make out anymore. His mind danced around in circles, rethinkin' the conversation that had quickly escalated into an argument and then into him just lashin' out. Circled around and around each and every word he'd said, along with every soft sigh and quiet word she'd shot back at him. Circled around her concern that tore at him and made him sick.
Crazy bitch.
What the hell was she concerned about him for? She was the one who'd lost everything. Her husband. Now her daughter. She was the one who was alone. Daryl wasn't alone. He had these kids, had Callie. Daryl's eyes shifted around him again, glancing over the forms of the kids that Miles was slowly working to their feet. Miles was holdin' little Gracie's hand now, walkin' the girl over towards where Ben still sat stunned and silent and fuckin' starin'.
He had the kids. Kids who were lookin' at him as if they didn't even know him. And maybe they didn't. Not really. Fuck, maybe Daryl didn't even know himself.
Daryl scoffed out a disgruntled sigh and let his glare shift back over the darkness towards the farmhouse.
He had Callie.
That scoffin' sound in the back of his throat became a growling rumble and he felt his lips twitch slightly. Woman hadn't been back since this mornin', hours upon hours of nothin' from her. Yeah, he'd had Callie. But he'd let her go on believin' he didn't want her. Let her go on thinkin' it instead of pullin' her back to him and now-
Daryl shook his head as his mind went back to Carol. Crazy bitch. What the fuck was she concerned about him for? He had himself. That's all he'd ever needed before. That's all he fuckin' needed now.
"C'mon Ben," Miles' low voice echoed out again and Daryl snapped away from his starin' at the low fire to watch the kid reach down a hand to the little boy. Ben stared up at Miles, his eyes just as wide as they had been before, and remained seated. Miles waved his hand around in an agitated motion right in front of the boy's face and huffed an annoyed sigh at him. "I said c'mon," Miles muttered a bit angrily at the boy and finally just reached down and snagged his shirt pulling Ben up to his feet.
Gracie gripped Miles' hand tighter and half-hid behind the teenager as she watched Daryl shift angrily. His feet were movin', shiftin' his weight back and forth in the dirt watchin' them like a caged tiger would watch its prey just out of reach on the other side of the bars.
Ben was shakin' his head slowly, his eyes dartin' between Miles and Daryl. His little mouth opened and shut a few times and Miles continued to shake his head, apparently workin' to put a quick end to the boy's protestations.
"But Callie said-"
Daryl's eyes widened just a bit at the sound of the woman's name on the boy's lips. The boy had been relatively quiet since the horror at the barn earlier, but had began to speak up again after spending a bit of time at the RV on watch with Miles. But not once had Callie's name slipped past the boy's lips in all that time.
And now, the way he was sayin' it-
"I know," Miles said quietly his eyes flickin' back to Daryl briefly before he lowered his head closer to the boy. "We'll come back. We'll go get some dinner and come back after Daryl's had himself a bit of time to cool off."
"But Callie—"
Daryl snarled at the boy's words, realizin' now what the fuck was goin' on. That woman had fuckin' sicked her kids on him again. Told them to keep eyes on him, like he was the child in need of protection from the terror that plagued this world.
Daryl snarled again and this time he didn't contain his anger, didn't slow the boil of his blood.
"Get the fuck outta here!" Daryl growled, his mouth twitching in distaste as he watched poor itty-bitty Gracie duck further behind Miles in an effort to put more space between them. Ben turned sharply towards him, his eyes wide again with that same bit of confusion. Daryl stared hard back at him and waved his hand in an angry arc out before him causin' Ben to flinch away slightly. "Ya heard me. Get the fuck outta here boy. Don't need your ass here playin' fuckin' momma hen to me. I'm a grown ass man." Daryl snarled at Ben's wide unblinkin' eyes and turned to where Miles was staring disapprovingly at him. "Get them the fuck away from me."
Miles stared hard at Daryl, his lips firmed tight and head shakin' just slightly. A momentary sense of guilt and anguish settled over Daryl's shoulders at the way he was actin'. He knew he was actin' exactly like the child he insisted he wasn't, but fuck if he could stop it. He wasn't equipped for all this shit. He wasn't. He shoulda known better than to try. Daryl's mouth twitched under Miles' scrutiny and he turned his head away from the three of them.
"Get the fuck outta here," Daryl muttered in a calmer tone, his voice hoarse from all the yellin' he'd been doin'. Hoarse from all the emotion he was desperately holdin' in check until they'd finally left him in peace.
"Yeah, sure," Miles muttered back, and Daryl turned to see the teenager let out a lengthy sigh as he settled a heavy hand onto Ben's slumped shoulders. Daryl held Ben's lingering gaze for a few seconds longer, watchin' as the boy reluctantly fell into step at Miles' side. "C'mon. We'll go back to the house, get some food and wait for Callie to get back."
An icy chill slithered up Daryl's spine at Miles' words and he found himself turning fully towards the departing kids. He watched Miles for a moment, the boy's eyes shifting over his shoulder apparently feelin' Daryl's confused glare.
"The fuck you mean 'get back'?" Daryl growled over the distance between them, his feet planting roughly into the soft dirt below. He locked his knees in preparation for the kid's explanation. Locked his knees so that they wouldn't buckle when he heard what he knew was comin'.
"She went out after Rick, Glenn, Hershel and hopefully fuckin' Danny," Miles said in nonchalant tone. As if the words weren't a fuckin' shock. As if everything was fine and fuckin' dandy. Daryl's jaw locked up tight and his hands clenched at his sides.
"When?" Daryl ground out the single word through those tightly clenched teeth, feelin' the bone grind together and again tastin' that acrid bile risin' in the back of his throat. Miles stared at him, and Daryl growled advancin' a few steps before stoppin' and just starin' again. "When?"
"Hour or two," Miles said quietly his voice shifting into a bit of an angry growl itself. "She left right before we came over here."
"An' you just fuckin' let her go?"
"One I didn't let her do nothin'," Miles ground out finally turning and facin' Daryl fully. "It's fuckin' Callie. Two, she wasn't gonna let Lori go on her own, which is exactly what she was gonna do after you apparently told her off." Daryl snarled at that remembering all too well how he'd exploded on the frail fuckin' woman who'd asked him to go after Rick himself. Daryl glowered at the ground then shifted his eyes up to Miles. "You know, maybe if you'da been finished havin' your fuckin' tantrum you'da been there to stop her ass."
Daryl glared at Miles as the boy huffed and shook his head. They stood that way for a few moments more, the cracklin' of that low dyin' fire snappin' at Daryl's ankles. Finally Miles shifted and put his hand back onto Ben's shoulders steerin' the little boy back towards the house in the distance. Daryl stared after them, watchin' their forms get eaten up by the darkness that had grown even more menacing in the past few minutes.
His eyes shifted over to where he knew the fuckin' RV was planted near that roadway out of the farm and he stared. He stared long and hard at the darkness and felt the wash of panic ride low in his stomach as his suddenly sweaty hands clenched tighter at his side. The chilled breeze of the fast approaching winter slipped over his bare arms and he felt the tingling sensation of goose-bumps form over his skin.
The knowledge that Callie was out there somewhere with only fuckin' Lori at her back in the face of whatever they encountered settled hard in his stomach. Again he fought the urge to vomit and continued to stare long and hard out towards that roadway.
There's somethin' happenin' here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Tellin' me, I got to beware
I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down
There's battle lines bein' drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speakin' their minds
Getting' so much resistance from behind
~For What It's Worth/ Buffalo Springfield
AN: So I know this could probably best be described as filler...but we're moving along. We're going to be doing a bit of jumping around here just to warn you. Next chapter…which I've got about half of it done (YAY) is going to focus on Lori and Callie's little fuckin' Thelma and Louise act. And the chap after that will be devoted to the boys at the bar. So keep your eyes peeled.
I'm trying to keep myself in the groove, and I really wanted to have more finished after my vacation but..you get what you get. I hope you enjoyed this little chap.
AND AND AND….SUNDAY. SUNDAY. Oh my God. How excited are you?
A response to one of the guest reviews:
Dido: I am so glad you enjoyed the chapter. And yeah…Danny's kinda a complex sum'bitch—I'm really glad you liked his struggle with the Whiskey. I was really hoping that it would come across well. Hershel's ignorance may have stemmed from his indifference at the moment….Not sure but maybe I didn't write him as well as I should have. As for the biblical references; I'm sorry if they seem 'too much' I usually don't put such a thing into my writing…but the characters Danny and Hershel (who I've tried to maintain as really the only characters to quote scripture at this point) seemed to call for it. Background of Hershel and Danny and all put into accounts. But as to your question. No there will not be a large section of biblical musings as we go on. In fact, this section (Hershel's funny little nod to Revelations and the dead rising and all) should be the last. I say should be because I don't have everything written out…but I don't really see it fitting as well in these later chapters. Again, thank you so much for the comment and the love of my fic. Much love and happy reading!
I've got more PM's and Reviews to respond to…I'm so sorry I'm behind on this again. I'm workin' on it. I promise.
Much love!
See ya next chapter!