New Meanings To Old Words: LOVE
You get nothing here. Nothing. I'm sad panda. Read on….
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Callie and the crew (Danny, Miles, Ben and Gracie), and all those we've lost along the way and the ones we've yet to meet in the flesh….but patience is a virtue isn't it…?
I'm actually dreading reviews…so yeah…you do that if you want….
Society
Shane ran the back of his hand roughly under his nose wiping away the rain that had accumulated at the tip. He sniffed away the tickling sensation and shifted his eyes up towards the branches of the trees overhead. The rain wasn't quite all that the wind had been makin' it out to be, but it was still enough to push through the dense foliage above and soak into the fabric of his clothes.
Shane snarled as more rain cascaded over his face and he used his entire forearm to wipe it before he slipped his gaze back down to the ground. He shifted his weight, and settled deeper into his crouched position, while his other hand clenched tight around his knife. He tapped the blade along the scuffed toe of his boot as his eyes yet again shifted around him, his ears workin' hard to listen through the sound of the rain splattering all around.
They'd been out here for near an hour now and only found one fuckin' Walker stuck in the soggy silt bottom of the creek runnin' behind the Greene's farm. Only one. Well, one and a quarter, he supposed. The Walker that had been stuck in the muck beside that other one where Jimmy had spotted them apparently got wind of something good and pulled itself free-well, most of itself. That fuckin' bottom half of a leg it left behind had that kid Jimmy running for the bushes.
They'd scoured the area lookin' for the rest of it, figuring its shambling one-legged ass would be easy to find, but they hadn't come across anything yet. Now they were workin' their way down the creek, slowly, fighting the growing dark and the beating rain and comin' up fuckin' empty.
Shane's eyes shifted over towards where Glenn was standing with Jimmy across the way and then back behind him to where T-Dog had marched himself, hands clenching tight around the small handaxe that Hershel had given him before they left. He wanted to be pissed of that Callie had called the shots again, and sent them off on a fuckin' wild goose chase. Wanted to steamroll his ass back into camp and give her a good piece of mind for sending him out here for fuckin' nothin', but couldn't seem to be able to hold on to that anger for long.
Because Shane knew that Callie wasn't expecting them to come up empty. He knew she wouldn't send them off on some fool's errand. Knew without any real shadow of a doubt that she'd sent them out there because she truly was thinking of the safety of the group; thinking that they needed to be pro-active instead of fuckin' reactive against Walkers. It was one thing he'd always respected about her. So yeah, each time a fuckin' cold rain drop fell onto his shaved head he wanted to be angry at her, but then his mind would go back to Carl and Lori at the house with fuckin' reactive Rick… and he let it roll on off of him just like that rain was doin'.
Shane shook his head as he again tapped his knife blade against his boot. His eyes skipping down to the ground before him, his mouth twitching to the side just a bit as he once again felt a chill run down his spine just as it had moments ago when he'd forced himself to take a closer look at the disturbed grass before him.
He ran the fingers of his free hand over his mouth twice and then snapped it out towards the object that had caught his attention.
He recognized the gun. Or thought he did. There weren't that many of them packin' guns like this around the camp, so the suspect pool was less than it could have been. But as his eyes shifted out towards the small bed of the creek not far off, the picture of the idiot who'd been out here before them got more and more clear.
The clawing marks of fingers dug into the bank. The disturbed and pulled muck showin' exactly where the Walker had pulled itself out of that soft creek. The footprints showing which way it'd gone.
Then there were the other footprints; smaller ones.
And those small footprints in the soft dirt instantly made him recall a similar scene at the Quarry. Callie clad only in her towel with little Ben at her hip. The distinct pattern of small footprints in and around that Walker tied to the base of the tree showin' Ben and Gracie's idiotic turn about it clear as fuckin' day.
Shane sneered as he snatched up the gun before him and stowed it at his back.
He wanted to be pissed at that woman for sending them out there chasin' fuckin ghosts in the rain, but he couldn't. But for this. For being so damned irresponsible about watchin' them fuckin' kids she claimed to care so much for. For lettin' them go off, especially after what had happened with Jenna and Sophia… that was an anger he could fuckin' get behind.
"You okay, man?" T-Dog's voice rang out and had Shane's head snappin' up and his gaze rocketing around to where the man stood at the top of the small embankment. "You good?"
"Yeah," Shane said pushing to his feet. Shaking his head Shane sheathed his knife and then shifted the back of his jacket over the gun he'd just picked up. While he would have loved nothin' more than to shove the fact that Callie's kids were runnin' amok around these woods while she played doctor with Rick behind closed doors, he knew this wasn't the time or place. And as he looked at T-Dog sneering and shakin' his head not far off he knew it wasn't the fuckin' audience either.
"Somethin' was out here," T-Dog was sayin' now and Shane slipped his gaze away from the clawed out ground at his feet and up to where T-Dog was slowly picking a path down the little embankment. The bulky man was makin' his way over and Shane cleared his throat before shifting to meet up with him.
"Yeah, well, it ain't here now," Shane said back earning a scoffing sort of response from T-Dog. Shane shifted his eyes around again catching on Glenn and Jimmy slowly making their way towards them.
"Fuckin' hate the rain," T-Dog muttered as he came up to Shane's side. Shane bobbed his head idly before catching the eyes of the man beside him. They both shifted their eyes up to the leaves overhead for a moment letting the rain roll over them. "Probably 'bout time to head back; sun's going down."
"Yeah," Shane mumbled back, his eyes yet again slipping to where Glenn and Jimmy were working through the brush. T-Dog shook his head and ran a hand over the top swiping away the rain that had settled on his own bald head and started makin' his way towards Glenn and Jimmy. "Hey, man," Shane called out, not even really knowing why, but feelin' the need to. T-Dog turned around and Shane rolled his head along his shoulders slowly. "You talk with Dale?"
"Yeah," T-Dog said shifting his body so that he was facing half towards and half away from him. Shane waited for T-Dog to continue, and let out a huff when the big man didn't do a damn thing but stare at him.
"And?"
"And what, man?" T-Dog said tiredly, his head shifting so he could spare a quick glance to Glenn before taking a step towards Shane.
"And I'm just wonderin' where you stand," Shane asked, his whole body bristling with the way that T-Dog was watchin' him. And then T-Dog's head started shakin' and Shane felt his body steelin' in preparation for a fight. A fight he hadn't been expectin' to have.
"Man, why?" T-Dog said as his face contorted in disgust.
"I'm just tryin' to make sure we're all on the same page here. That's all," Shane said raising his arms out and shruggin' his shoulders as T-Dog continued to shake his head.
"No man, you ain't. You're tryin' to make sure we're on your page, man," T-Dog shot back, a single finger raised and then pointed at Shane. T-Dog shook his head flinging off the rain that had gathered on his face and frowned as he looked off. "It's the same shit you been pullin' since the CDC, man. Same shit you been pullin'…man, look," T-Dog shifted and closed the distance between them, his voice lowering as he did it. "I don't know what the hell is goin' on between you and Rick. I don't. And I don't fuckin' want to know. That shit ain't my business and as long as you two ain't hurtin' no one but your damn selves, then go for it. Beat the shit out of each other. But man, you got to stop this shit. Because whatever the fuck this is, it's eatin' away at the man that I knew. The one that I met at the Quarry. The one that sat up with me them first nights just listening as I talked. The man that kept us all together then. You're out here tryin' to make sure I'm on your side of things. Shit Shane, this is a man's life we're talkin' 'bout. This ain't about sides, this ain't about you and Rick, or you and Dale. It ain't. And I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're askin' whose side I'm on, or the fact that you don't realize we're all on the same one."
Shane stared hard at T-Dog while the rain began to fall harder around them. They stayed that way, until the slight rustle of Glenn and Jimmy's footsteps caught their ears.
"You guys find anything?" Glenn asked quietly, his eyes shifting around as the rain dripped off of the brim of his hat.
"Nah, man," Shane said shakin' his head and glaring as T-Dog turned his back and smacked at Jimmy to stop where he was and wait. "Whatever the fuck was here ain't now."
"Right," Glenn said shifting his eyes behind him and then back to Shane. "So we head back?"
"Yeah," Shane said shifting his eyes over toward T-Dog who was pushing roughly at the wondering Jimmy to send him back over towards the rest of them, and then back to Glenn. The discomfort on the younger kid's face reminded him of the first time Shane met him and he reached out to place a hard hand on Glenn's shoulder. "Let's head back. We're wasting time. Got more important things to do now than chase fuckin' ghosts."
Rick cupped his hand over his mouth and focused his gaze at the floor beneath his boots. His back was settled against the wall in the dining room, his mind working in ten different directions. He tried to focus on the hushed sounds of the group filtering into the sitting room just beyond the threshold. Tried to settle his frazzled nerves, and undo the painful cramp of his stomach.
Tried and failed miserably.
He shook his head and continued to stare at the cracks between the hardwood floors beneath him. He stared until the crack he was standing over looked like it was big enough to swallow him whole. And then he stared a bit more.
Rick's eyes lifted and his hand fell to his side at the creaking of the floor. Daryl looked just as shocked to see Rick as Rick was to see him. He'd been sure that Daryl wouldn't come to the house tonight. He'd said his peace outside after his-and Danny's- questioning of Randall. He'd made himself clear, and hadn't really looked keen on explaining things further. But here he was.
Daryl's hand clenched on the strap of his crossbow and he slipped his eyes over his shoulder to the door he'd just entered from. Rick watched him lift his other hand and scratch at the stubble growing under his lower lip, while staring at him through the veil of his lashes.
"Didn't think you were comin'," Rick said in a voice far more coarse and gravely than he'd been expecting. He cleared his throat and pushed off of the wall as Daryl's hand fell from his lip.
"Wasn't," Daryl responded simply, as he shoved his hand into his pocket and slowly closed the distance between them.
"What changed your mind?" Rick asked as he moved forward a step. Daryl's shoulder lifted and his chin jutted forward in a motion towards the sitting room.
"Man asked to be heard out. He always listened anytime I had somethin' to say, so…" Daryl shrugged again and Rick nodded idly as he watched from just beyond the threshold as Dale shifted listlessly around between Glenn and Andrea. "Ain't nothin' he says gonna change my mind. But I owe him at least a chance to say his peace. S'why you're doin' this shit ain't it?" Rick's eyes snapped back to Daryl and held his hard gaze. "Well," Daryl said dippin' his head and again making a motion towards the sitting room. "They ain't fuckin' waitin' on me. Get in there, man, let's get this shit done. Move the fuck on."
Rick blinked a few times at Daryl, who continued to stare at Rick as if he were the most useless thing to ever walk across his path. Finally Rick bobbed his head and turned to walk in to the room, checking over his shoulder only once as he came to a stop near the back of the worn wingback chair before him to see Daryl settle himself at that threshold near the spot he'd just abandoned. Well away from the rest of them, but still close enough to listen to what Dale had to say. Because that was just the type of man that Daryl was. Scoffing out a strange sort of laugh Rick scratched his calloused finger tips over his suddenly dry mouth.
The sound of more shoes along the floorboards at his back had Rick again shifting his eyes over his shoulder to where Daryl stood. The telltale sound of Danny's limping gait gave him away even before his slightly bedraggled form was visible. Danny smacked his torn up hand into Daryl's shoulder and gave a small nod to Rick as he gingerly made his way over towards the piano. Rick held Danny's gaze as he moved himself in behind Glenn and settled his back to the wall next to the piano.
"Where's Cal?" Miles' voice broke through the hushed discussion going on between the rest of the group and silenced the room faster than Rick would have even thought possible. Rick's eyes lifted to him, wondering at the younger man's presence for a moment, and if it was really the place for him. Miles shifted his gaze away from Danny and over to Rick for a brief second before returning it to his target.
"She's on watch," Danny said, his shoulders lifting and falling in a shrug as his eyes skipped over to Rick. Rick nodded as he turned to look out the front window, taking in the darker hues of evening slipping over the world. The rain had subsided now, and the humidity it left behind, even in the cooler night air was thick enough to choke on. "And I want you to go out and sit with her."
"What? Why?" Miles said as he shot up from where he'd settled himself on the arm of the couch near to Maggie and shifted his eyes about the room a bit before staring incredulously at Danny.
"Because," Danny said firmly as Miles shifted on his feet. Miles stood his ground and Danny sucked in a deep sigh before he continued. "Look, Miles. You're an adult. I know that; everyone here knows that. I'm not tellin' you to step out 'cause I'm tryin' to save your innocent fuckin' soul from the harsh world around us. I'm askin' you to go out and sit with Callie 'cause while we're in here discussin' Randall, she seems to be the only one thinkin' about other things, like why the fucker's such a problem in the first place, and Walkers," Danny's eyes shifted over to the sneering form of Shane for a brief moment and held. Shane rolled his eyes and Danny shifted his gaze back to Miles who had lost a bit of the indignant steam that had propelled him forward in the first place. "She's doin' that on practically no sleep for fuckin' three days, with a busted up arm and a whole bunch of other shit boggin' her down. I'd feel better if she had some backup. And I'd appreciate it if that backup was you."
Miles shifted his eyes towards Rick for a moment, then towards Dale, and finally out towards the windows that Rick had been staring out moments ago. He stared for long moment before letting out what Rick knew was a frustrated sigh. Danny continued to stare at him until Miles finally looked back and gave a small nod. He then shifted back towards Patricia and Maggie.
"I left Gracie in with Beth. She was paintin' her nails or somethin'," Miles said waving his hand around as he snatched up his bat from beside the sofa and clenched his hand around it a few times.
"We'll keep eyes on her. She's good in here for the night. You can tell Callie," Maggie said with a small smile and a nod of her head. Miles ducked his head and adjusted the gun that now sat in a holster at his thigh, while his eyes again surveyed the room. His gaze held on to Shane's until it made Shane bounce from foot to foot in agitation, and then Miles shifted his eyes to Rick. There was something to be said for how much that boy had grown in the short time they'd been at that farm. How much he'd adapted. How much of his surrogate mother he'd become. Because the stark power behind that boy's gaze made Rick stand at full attention. Miles stopped as he reached the point on the floor directly between Dale and Rick and he scuffed his boot along the floorboards before snapping his eyes up to Rick.
"For what it's worth," Miles said in a quiet and calm voice that caused Rick's head to lift as he gave the boy his full attention. "I'm with Dale…you know…. That coulda been me, I mean, I coulda been him, if that group he's with had found me before Callie and Danny did. Where my head was after the things I had to do," Miles shifted a bit uncomfortably on his feet and waved Danny off as he shifted off of the wall. His eyes lifted back to Rick and then around the room. "You guys don't really get it. Maybe you do," Miles said nodding to Rick and then shrugging. "You were alone out there for a bit, maybe not long enough to really feel it. But… any group's the right one when you're on your own out there. And Callie said," Miles shifted his eyes to Danny and Dale and then back. "I talked with her…about things, and…. He shouldn't stay, but I can't really say he deserves death. There's gotta be another way. Shit," Miles seethed out as he raked a hand through his hair and shook his head. "Maybe I'm not enough of a fuckin' adult to be any use here anyway."
"I think you did just fine, son," Dale said smiling tightly.
Rick put a hand to Miles' shoulder and squeezed once catching the boy's eye as he began to walk towards the door. Miles' eyes shifted to where Rick knew Daryl stood at his back and he gave a single nod of his head before heading out in the growing darkness outside. Rick's eyes followed his shadowed figure as it worked its way off of the porch, and he continued to stare off into the darkness once again working to drown out the sounds in the room around him.
"So she's not comin' in? After all this," Shane said in a snarling tone that had everyone looking to him as he swung his arm in an arc around the room. "She's not comin' in?" Shane's eyes were on Danny who was glaring daggers right back both of his arms tucked tightly over his chest. Instinctively Rick took a step towards Danny, but was stayed by Danny's shaking head.
"She's been through enough already, she doesn't need to be," Danny muttered as his head and eyes shifted to Rick. "Does she?"
For a moment Rick was catapulted back to weeks ago, at a rundown gas station along the highway. The image of Callie and Dale defending the choice to stay put while Danny recuperated from his wounds, and Shane sat at the opposite side of the fence. A time when again Rick had been in the position of making the final call, even after the vote had taken place. A time when it had been Callie so diligently defending the well-being of Danny who had been through too much to survive much else.
"No," Rick said quietly, his eyes finding his boots again as his hands settled on his hips. "She doesn't. Callie and I have talked. And talked, and -Miles is right. She's with Dale. I respect her choice, and she mine. She knows…." His eyes shifted to Dale who frowned as he shifted on his feet. "She respects this process and the outcome of what we say here."
"Fuckin' ridiculous," Shane muttered under his breath yet again, his shaved head shaking back and forth at what he felt was a slight by the woman.
"Drop it, Shane," Danny snapped out as he crossed his arms tightly over his chest. Shane's gaze immediately shifted over to where Danny was leaning in that oh so casual way he had about him, that simple way he could stand at ease in any situation that just seemed perfect for pissing people off. "You got me here," Danny continued, his mouth working strangely as if the words tasted sour as they fell from his lips. "And much as it fuckin' pains me I got your back on this one, Ponch."
"So, where do we go from here then?" Glenn asked timidly, his eyes lifting and sliding over everyone. He looked up at Rick and then over to Dale and grimaced. "I mean do we vote? Or -"
"Why even bother," Dale said tiredly. "It's pretty clear the way this is going…"
"Let's just see," Rick lifted a hand to rub at the throbbing pain between his eyes and took in a deep breath. "Let's just see where everyone stands."
"What was Callie's plan? I know her. She had to have somethin' in mind. So what was it?" T-Dog asked from his spot next to Shane. The tone of his voice had Rick immediately shifting his eyes up to the usually quiet man.
"She offered to go out with me," Rick said quietly his eyes slipping back down to his boots as Lori's heated stare settled on the side of his face. "Figured the two us could take him further out; maybe somewhere he may not know, leave him there."
"Is that not an option?" Hershel asked as he sat forward in his seat, his large hands settling between his knees as his gaze caught Rick's. Rick frowned and tried hard to ignore the angered and frustrated sigh from Lori near the door.
"It's not," Rick said simply his gaze slipping back to where he could feel Daryl's stare on the back of his neck.
"Shit, she's offerin' man," Shane spat out tossing a hand out and chuckling slightly, causing everyone to look over at him. "And apparently her plans are all that matter," he shot a look to T-Dog who glared back and then shifted his eyes back to Rick. "You don't wanna go with her for whatever fuckin' reason. Fine. Let her fuckin' take care of it her damn self."
"That's not happenin'," Rick said stiffly. "She's not goin' near him."
His tone was more forceful than he'd meant it to be and it made Shane instantly drop his front and apparently remember what the hell that woman had been through with this kid-or rather the kid's group. Rick shook his head at his friend, former friend, whatever the hell he was now and looked over towards Danny and then back towards Daryl.
"So you're saying if it goes that way, if that's how we vote that you'll be the one out there again," Lori said stiffly and Rick turned to look at her. Her eyes were wide and frustration was settled deep into her shoulders as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You're really going to do that again? You barely made it back the last time."
"No," Glenn said cutting off whatever Rick was going to say. "We shouldn't risk any more of our people on this. I don't think that's a plan I'd be willing to endorse."
"So what, you wanna send him off blindfolded on a pony, Chinaman," Daryl scoffed, shaking his head at Glenn as he looked back to Rick. "That ain't an option either."
"So, could we keep him locked up?" Maggie asked, her eyes shifting to Glenn who looked taken aback by the woman's suggestion. As if they hadn't discussed things; as if he hadn't really been expecting her stance. Then again, this seemed to be a situation that put everyone at odds, even those closest to one another.
"No," Danny said immediately, the urgency in his voice cutting off whatever T-Dog and Andrea were about to add.
"Danny," Rick said in a low sort of warning tone. Danny's eyes hit him hard and Rick gave a single shake of his head, knowing exactly what Danny wanted to say. Knowing and trying to stop him.
"No, Rick. No," Danny pushed off of the wall and took a hard painful step forward his arms falling to his sides, hands clenched tightly. "I'm done skirtin' this issue. I'm not going into any detail. Because by now y'all know everything you need to. Fuckin' secrets 'round here are a fuckin' pipe dream." Danny's head shook again and he slipped closer to Rick, the limp in his gait more pronounced than ever. "So here's the long and short. She cares too much about you to put this on you. But," Danny came to a stop and Rick's jaw clenched tight. "There ain't no fuckin' middle ground here. He can't stay here…," He shifted his eyes back towards Dale as if he felt the pressure of the older man's stare on him, hell the pressure of the whole room. He shook his head and lifted his gaze to Daryl and then Rick. "He stays. We go."
"Danny," Dale's voice called out and it echoed strangely in Rick's ears. The idea that again his decision might result in losing Callie, might drive her away from him-from all of them-hung heavy in the air. His jaw clenched as he stared at the floorboards and listened intently to the silence of the room.
"That's it, Dale," Danny said in a defeated tone as he shifted his eyes behind him. Whatever Dale saw in Danny's eyes had him taking a step back and frowning as his chin dipped to his chest. "That's where it is. I can't-I'm sorry."
Rick watched Danny limp back towards his spot on the wall, his shoulders stiff with the stares of each and every person in the room. Rick's hands settled hard at his hips and he slipped his eyes over towards Dale.
Dale shifted from foot to foot for a minute, his eyes shifting around the room, the pressure from the unshed tears in his eyes causing him to blink in rapid succession. His eyes moved from Glenn, to Andrea and then to Maggie and Hershel settled on the couch. They were supposed to be his support, but they were silent in the face of Danny's admission. His eyes moved back to Rick and Rick's downturned gaze tipped up slightly and he frowned.
"I'll take him," Dale said reaching a hand out towards Rick and the rest, hoping that someone would take hold of it. "I understand why you won't let Callie. I do," his gaze slipped from Rick and over to Danny and then Daryl. "I get that. So, I'll do it."
Dale's request was met with more than one objection, as Rick's firmly stated 'No' was overwhelmed by Andrea's pleading tone as she said his name and reached out a hand to him. Dale stared hard at Andrea who looked as if she were frozen in place by whatever she saw there. The two held each other's gaze for a long moment before Andrea's arm fell limply by her side and Dale once again sent his watering gaze towards Rick.
"You're not even trying here," Dale said raising both of his arms and then letting them fall defeated to his sides. "I'm offering a very valid solution here, Rick. What's stopping you from taking it? What are you trying to prove here?" Rick stared hard at Dale. And it didn't take very long for Dale's head to tilt back as if he'd been hit with a sudden moment of realization. The older man's eyes shifted towards Shane briefly before flickering back to Rick. "Oh," Dale said in an almost whispered tone. He followed it with a sigh of such agonizing defeat that it pierced right into Rick's chest and had his shoulders hunching forward as his gaze once again dropped to the floorboards.
The group began to almost restlessly shuffle about, a hushed and sickening discussion about who would do it and how it would be done echoing low in the back of Rick's mind. He shifted his eyes over towards Dale who looked utterly gut-shot as he listened to the people he thought-hoped- to be so much better. Behind him he heard Daryl shift on his feet idly, and Rick couldn't help but look back at the man. Daryl's eyes were on Danny, standing stiffly now in his place against the wall, his own eyes boring holes into the ground at his feet.
"Wait, that can't be it," Andrea said quietly her head shaking slightly before she sent a fleeting look towards Shane beside her. "Listen to us. Listen to what we're talking about. How we're talking about it. Hell, none of you can even say it. We're talking about executing a boy, and Danny," her eyes flipped to him and she tilted her head to the side. "I know where you are. And I'm sorry for the things that happened to -" she stopped herself at Danny's angered look. "It was a crime. It was. But was that boy the one who-?" Danny's fist slammed hard into the wall next to him cutting off whatever Andrea was going to say. He didn't say anything in response, merely stared hard at Andrea until she lowered her gaze to the ground as the words 'they made him watch' echoed somewhere in the back of the mind of everyone who heard Callie tell that story all those months ago. "Dale's right. This isn't us. There has to be another way."
A beat of heavy silence slid over the room and Rick found himself staring at Andrea. She held his gaze, that same formidable sense of determination that the woman had for everything she did pounding into him.
"A'right, fine," Shane said sending a brief glance to Rick and then shifting his attention to Andrea. He looked at her for a moment and Rick saw him settle himself down, saw him slip just for a moment back into the man Rick had known before. "Let's look at it. Let's say we let him stay. Say he don't cause no troubles, keeps in line. Let's say he's nice," Shane shifted his eyes to Dale for a second and then lifted a hand to Danny who was now bouncing in an annoyed sort of manner behind Glenn. "Say we let our guard down, and he gets away, leads his friends right back to our door. What'd you say 'bout that Dixon?" Shane said shifting his eyes over towards where Daryl was still leaning against the threshold behind Rick, snarling his anger out between clenched teeth. "Said our women'd wish for death rather than live through what they had in store for 'em? That 'bout right?"
Daryl shifted forward, the air between him and Shane once again crackling with tension.
"Shane," Rick's voice cracked slightly as his anger started to get the better of him. Though whether it was his anger at the man trying to make his point the only way he knew how, or anger at himself for not just takin' care of the situation back at that county building yesterday he couldn't tell.
"No c'mon," Shane said lifting his hand towards Rick and looking towards Dale. "You think Daryl's exaggerating? Wanna find out? Let's go ask Callie how she's feelin'."
"Shut it!" Daryl bellowed from his spot. Danny meanwhile staggered back a step and then forward a few, only to be held back by Glenn's reaching hands. Daryl slipped forward and Rick glanced at him raising a hand himself to stay the man from acting on what was a very clear and completely warranted motive for once again beatin' the shit out of his former partner.
"That's enough, Shane." Rick snapped out finally his hands crashing down on the back of the chair in front of him. "He can't stay here. I won't do that to her." His eyes shifted to Lori and then the rest of the room. "I won't do that to any of us."
"So that's it, "Dale said in a quavering tone that had Rick firming his lips. "That's it. You've taken all of the options away. You've left me with nothing." Dale's gaze slipped around the room and Rick stood firm in his spot behind that wingback chair, his body half-turned towards the elder man as he waited for an answer. After a beat, Dale shuddered out a defeated sigh and blinked away the wetness that had filmed over his eyes. "What was the point of all of this? Really, what was the point?"
Dale shifted on his feet, and shrugged off Andrea's hand on his arm. He pivoted and looked around the room before shaking his head and stalking off. He didn't make for the front door, but instead slipped past Danny who was shifting forward to follow and past Daryl who moved to allow him an easy exit. Rick sighed as he exchanged a quick glance with the frowning Shane and then followed as well.
"Dale!" Danny's voice was calling out and Rick was hot on the limping man's heels. Rick caught Daryl's movement to follow in his periphery, just as he caught up and put a hand to Danny's shoulder staying him as he made his way past and out onto the dark back porch.
"Dale, hold up," Rick called out as calmly as he could. He'd expected to hear his voice crack on the tremors that had built up in his body, but strangely it didn't. And as Dale's heavily breathing form came to a stop at the top of the stairs Rick hoped that he'd be able to hold onto the calm he'd been able to somehow conjure. "Just, hold up."
"Why?" Dale said in an utterly annoyed tone as he turned and spread his arms wide. The rifle he had taken to constantly carrying swung hard from side to side along his back and the motion of it seemed to cause a bit of pain as he bit back a wince that he apparently didn't want anyone to take notice of. Behind him Rick heard the screen door open and the shuffling of more feet as no doubt Danny and Daryl joined them. "Why should I 'hold up'? What's the point? What was the point of any of this?"
"If people think that boy's life needs to be spared I want to know," Rick said calmly, his hand lifting slightly to help his cause.
"You want to know," Dale scoffed his head shaking as he watched Danny slip forward. "You want to know. Why? What is the point of knowing if it's not going to change anything? You're not an elected official, Rick. Public opinion isn't really an issue here," Dale shook his head again and slipped his eyes out towards the growing dark beyond the porch. He dragged in a few deep breaths, but still couldn't seem to settle himself. His eyes lifted the low light from inside filtering out and illuminating the shining wetness held within them. Rick dropped his gaze yet again to his boots. To those floorboards that he kept thinking were just gonna open up and eat him whole.
"I followed you-we followed you, not because you had guns, or training. We followed you because you had a vision of this world that we'd all forgot." Dale said slowly, his hand mimicking that same calming motion that Rick had just tried to apply. The sound of Shane's familiar laugh had Rick's head tipping to the side slightly to see where the man had positioned himself. Dale for his part, being just so far beyond whatever disagreement he had with Shane ignored the man, and instead took a single step towards Rick. "You had hope. And yes, it was a blind hope, but it was something. Something that we'd all fed to the dead right along with our sanity, and our laws, and apparently our civility."
"What do you want me to do Dale," Rick said shrugging his shoulders. "You're right, you're not gonna change my mind. I made that pretty clear from the get go. I let you have your time, and you couldn't change any of their minds either," Rick said swinging his arm behind him. "So what do you want me to do here?"
"I want you to come back," Dale said in an almost strangled voice his eyes wide and wild with need. "You could stop this," Dale said simply, a single finger jabbing out and pushing hard into Rick's chest. "You alone. This isn't you. This isn't- this is you proving you can be something that other people think you need to be."
"Jesus," Shane's annoyed tone flooded out and Rick heard Danny snap 'Shut it' but didn't move his eyes from the man before him .Rick dropped his chin to his chest and regarded the man before him through his lashes, feeling the stares of the others behind him.
"You," Dale said pushing his finger into Rick's chest. "You are the man that went back into Atlanta for Merle Dixon without a thought. Because it was right. You are the man who gave half of your guns to a group of gangbangers at an old folks home. Because it was right. You are the man who helped to bury a boy's family even after-" Dale cut himself off and looked off to the side knowing that his words were probably hurtful to a few of the men at Rick's back. "You are the man that saved that boy's life, without a worry as to what the consequences were at the time. Because it was right."
"Right," Rick said in an almost disgusted tone, his eyes boring holes into the ground at his feet. "Every decision I've made that I thought was right…. has come back on me. Going back for Merle, just meant we weren't there to help protect the camp when those Walkers came. Giving up our guns…," Rick shook his head then and let out a ragged breath. "I pushed us to the CDC, we almost lost Callie and Miles on the way. And then the shit storm we walked into there. The highway. Jenna and Sophia. I left them, because I thought I was doin' right tryin' to lead those Walkers off-"
"Rick-"
"No, Dale." Rick snapped his hand raking into his hair as his vision blurred slightly. "Every decision I've made because in the world before it woulda been the right call, has come back. It's come back and not on me, but on the people around me. Amy. Jacqui. Danny's leg. Carl getting shot. Jenna…Sophia. That's all on me. And I make another decision that's right…what's to say it ain't gonna come back on me again. On my family. Lori's pregnant… how'm I supposed to risk that?"
"Rick, what's happened, I understand where you're coming from. But you had hope for this world once,"
"Yeah, well, maybe I've just fed too much of it off to this world to have enough left to do what's right anymore," Rick shifted on his feet and glared at Dale. "Maybe I just need to do what needs to be done and stop wondering about the right and wrong of it."
"Well," Dale said after a beat, his body rocking back slightly as if Rick's words hit him like a physical blow. "I won't be a part of it." "You were right, son," Dale said as he slipped his eyes over Rick's shoulder to Daryl. "This group's broken."
With that Dale turned away from them all and jerkily made his way down the few steps and onto the ground.
"Dale," Danny called out, and Rick lifted a hand up to hold him off. "I'm goin-"
"No," Rick said watching Dale pick his way across the grass at a quick pace. "Give him his space. Let him breathe. This is on me, I'll talk to him about it more," Rick shifted his eyes to where Danny stood staring at Dale's retreating figure. "'I'll talk to him, Danny. Right now-"
"Right now, we got more important shit to be dealin' with," Shane cut in and Rick shifted his eyes over towards where the other man stood at the railing. "Dale wants to throw himself a grown-up hissy-fit, let him." Shane's eyes shifted over slowly to meet Rick's gaze briefly before they again turned to watch Dale's figure continue its trek into the darkness.
The four men stood in silence for a few heavy beats, the sound of the wind yet again howling the arrival of a quick burst of rain and the creaking of the porch swing serving as the only other noise. Finally Rick's eyes fell to his shoes as his hands landed hard at his hips.
"So," Daryl's voice broke through the haze of Rick's staring match with the ground. He looked up to find the man chewing along the side of his thumb, and watched as Daryl's gaze skipped around to each man. "How we doin' this? Who-?"
"I can do it," Danny said in a low tone. Rick's gaze slipped to where Danny stood not far off near the railing, and he watched as the man's entire demeanor changed. A look passed over Danny's features, hardening him slightly. It was a look that had Rick standing up straight and clenching his jaw. A look that he'd seen on the man's face twice now. Most recently at the bar, when Danny cleanly took care of Tony. And prior to that, at the CDC, when he'd killed Garrison in that hellish nightmare of a conference room. Danny's eyes lifted, as if he felt Rick's gaze on him and he clenched his jaw. "I can do it. "
"You still don't trust me?" Rick asked quietly, snarling slightly at the idea.
"I do," Danny said in return as he turned to face Rick head-on. "Callie does, so do I, Rick. I should have from the start," Danny stepped forward and put a hand to Rick's shoulder. "This ain't about that. This is about me offering to take a load from your shoulders. One I'm already pretty good at carryin'."
"No," Rick said turning away and looking out towards the barn. "No. You need to rest," Rick shifted his eyes back to Danny who had lowered his hand and raised an almost amused brow. "Way you've been pacing and stalkin' around here….You're leg is shit. You need to rest it."
"Well, a'right then," Danny said shifting his eyes to Daryl quickly and then back to Rick. He nodded twice and then made his way into the house, a single hard slap to Daryl's shoulder his last act before he swung the screen door wide and practically threw himself into the house.
The door banged loudly back into place and Rick's gaze slipped to Daryl who hadn't moved an inch since he'd stepped onto the porch. He stared long and hard at the man; the man he quickly realized he trusted far more than the one currently coming up at his back. He stared and it seemed as if the redneck just understood what Rick wanted; what he needed. A single nod and Daryl made his way off the porch towards the shed to retrieve Randall, leaving Rick alone with Shane.
"You want him there?" Shane muttered, as he came to a stop at Rick's back.
"I do."
A beat of silence slipped over them and Rick's gaze slipped back out to the field, his eyes watching Daryl stalk along with his head dipped low. Rick's eyes fell to the ground and again he stared at the space between the floorboards. It felt as if they'd opened a bit, and he felt as if he was falling. Falling down a dark pit that there was no chance of ever getting out of.
His mind was circling around something, a fragmented memory that had been sparked by that look on Danny's face. A memory brought more to the forefront with each labored step Danny had taken, each wince he'd bit back as he moved.
The CDC.
Garrison.
The blood seeping out of the man's mouth as he laughed at them; laughed at Rick. The man's last breaths spent hissing at Rick for his foolishness; his weakness. It seemed like a lifetime ago that all of that horror had taken place, so much had happened between then and now that it just didn't register right at being only a few weeks past now.
A lifetime of horror had befallen them since then, and even as Rick worked to push it from his mind, it always seeped through the barriers he put up. Always echoed low in his brain. Garrison's face. Garrison's words, the strange mirror that could be put up between the two of them now with how Rick had just treated Dale.
"This is end, son. The end of the world. And you're talking 'bout fuckin' decency….You think you can save anyone? Keep anyone safe? Keep people decent when the world's descended into madness. You're a fuckin' fool, boy."
Shane's hand slapped hard into Rick's shoulder startling him out of that dark pit. Rick's head lifted just slightly to regard Shane from the corner of his eye. He watched the man that had been his partner for years as he stared out along the grass off towards the shed where Daryl had disappeared. Watched him and fought the urge to shake himself free of the hand clamped down hard on his shoulder.
"I didn't really think," Shane started, his head shaking just slightly as he cracked a small crooked grin. "I thought he had you, man. I really thought he did." Shane's hand tightened on Rick's shoulder and finally his gaze met Rick's. Somewhere in the back of Rick's mind Garrison' s voice rang out again. 'He can't. He's not the type'. Rick blinked hard, trying to get his mind back into the present but something kept dragging him back. Maybe it was the look in Shane's eyes as he stared at Rick. That lingering doubt of Rick's ability to make hard calls. Another beat passed and Shane squeezed his hand again on Rick's shoulder, the gesture that should have been friendly made anything but by the hard look settled deep in Shane's eyes. "S'the right call, Rick. It's what needs to be done."
Rick shook of Shane's hand off then and bristled slightly against the chill that ran up his spine. Shane's hand lifted to his head and stayed there for a moment as he just stared at Rick. A beat passed and Shane was shaking his head again, that hand of his once again rubbing hard at his shaved scalp. Rick's gaze slipped away from Shane then, watching Daryl come back into view Randall walking at a staggering sort of pace pushed on by the shoving hands of the stoic redneck behind him. Shane turned to watch as well, and then without another word Rick started down the stairs, his right hand settled hard on his gun in his holster as he swallowed down the bile burning a path up the back of his throat.
Callie toed the empty can of baked beans near the fence and let out a low sigh. The wind rustled along the grass at her feet and carried the can down the small incline near the half broken down fence to a resting place near one of the larger remaining posts.
Lifting her eyes to the sky she glared at the fine mist of rain that was starting to once again fall. It was a futile effort really, but somehow she hoped that by sheer force of will alone she'd be able to hold the rest of that storm rumbling along overhead at bay.
Rain at night made her uneasy now. More so for the fact that it took away one of the last defenses that they had anymore against the dead that stalked them, than for its persistent ominous presence at the most horrifying of times.
The shuffling of feet nearby had Callie blinking away the rain that had accumulated along her lashes and turning her head towards the broken down fireplace settled in the middle of the camp. She frowned as Ben scuffed his feet around the small fire pit and let her gaze slip around him. Daryl's little haven away from the insanity of the group looked so barren now, so lifeless, so….lonely.
She knew that was her doing, but also knew that he wasn't guiltless in the whole scheme of things. He had plenty of time to have packed his shit and moved himself up towards them now. He'd said he got it, understood why she was settling in closer. And in all honesty, she should have fuckin' known better than to believe it. Daryl was barely clinging to whatever ropes they had between them now. Too much had happened in too short of succession for him.
Hell, for all of them.
Sophia. Randall. Her. It was all falling in around him faster than he could work to dig himself out of the hole it was filling in.
Which was exactly why she was there now. Why, as soon as Miles had stalked his ass out of the house, she'd made her way towards where she knew he'd come. His haven that she'd invaded before, and planned to keep on doing as long as he let her.
She was done skirting around things with him. Dale had been right. Rick had been right. Danny had been right. She needed to talk to him. Needed to explain. Everything. Whether he wanted to know it all or not, he needed to. Because if they didn't work to clean the slate between them now, she didn't know how-or if-they ever would. So even though she wanted to wait until morning; until the smoke had cleared and whatever needed to happen tonight had happened and he'd had a moment to breathe, she couldn't. Because the longer they waited, the easier it would be to just shove it aside as if nothing had ever happened.
Shove it aside and move on. She was too good at that. And Daryl…after everything…he deserved better from her.
"Hey," Ben's voice called out and Callie slipped her eyes away from Daryl's tent and down to the boy settled in next to her. She'd told him to stay back with Miles, that she'd be fine, but apparently Miles had got it into the boy's head that she needed to be babysat. So he'd tagged along after her, blatantly ignoring her half-assed attempt to get him back to the RV.
"Everything okay?" Callie asked once again eyeing the boy as he kicked his feet at the ground. Ben wasn't great with hiding when he was upset. In fact, truth of it was, the kid was an open fuckin' book when it came to that. But figuring out just what was bothering him, now that was the hard part.
"I guess," Ben's eyes shifted around them, his mouth hitching off to the side slightly as his gaze averted to the fields just beyond the fence. Callie settled her hip to the post nearest her and slipped both hands into her back pocket before raising a brow. "You gonna tell Daryl you love him?"
"Wow," Callie said pushing off of the post and letting her hands fall from her pockets to her sides. "That's…. what?" Callie shook her head and lifted a single finger to point at the utterly fucking innocent lookin' kid staring up at her. "I don't know what I was expecting to come out of that mouth of yours but that was definitely not it." Ben scoffed and grimaced at her, giving a look that really spoke to how highly that boy apparently put her intelligence at the moment. She stuttered out a chuckle and lifted a hand to rub at the bridge of her nose as Ben shifted a bit closer.
"You are though right?" Ben asked again and Callie just stared at him. Because honestly, she really didn't know what was going to come out of whatever the hell was going to happen. She didn't know, and she really didn't want to think about it all that much. "Well, you shouldn't."
"Uh," Callie said, her brow furrowing as she dipped her head down to try and catch the quickly darting gaze of the boy before her. Finally she gave up and threw her hands into the air. "Okay. What the hell's going on?"
"He ain't gonna care," Ben muttered as he kicked at the ground. Callie dipped her head again and caught Ben's gaze, watching his mouth yet again hitch to the side in a motion that reminded her so much of the redneck in question she couldn't help but smile slightly.
"Spill it, Ben," Callie shot out as she crossed her arms over her chest. He looked up at her and held her gaze for a good long second, the light rain causing his hair to darken and stick to his forehead in odd strips. Finally he sighed Callie watched his whole body deflate with that single breath.
"I was stupid," Ben mumbled into his chest as he worked his way towards her. He rested his arms upon what was left of the crossbeam and rested his chin on it. "I asked him if he wanted to be mine and Gracie's dad. Ya know, like I asked you."
"Oh Ben," Callie said in that tone that just went so well with a shaking head that she couldn't help but actually do the motion. Poor fuckin' kid. "Ben, honey, did you really think now was the best time?"
"I dunno," Ben snapped back, his chin lifting and then slamming back down into his forearms. "He sure didn't."
"Do I even want to know?" Callie asked tiredly settling her arms to the uppermost crossbeam and looking down at the boy settled next to her. He looked up at her and all she could think about was their last day at the Quarry, when Ben had offered Daryl the picture of Merle, and Daryl had bitten that boy's head off. She grimaced and Ben rolled his eyes back towards the fields.
"He said to 'fuck off with that shit', " Ben said, his little head moving side to side as he made an annoyed mocking face. "Said he didn't have time to sit an' play daddy to me, when he was already fuckin' playin' daddy to the whole damn group. Said he had bigger shit to worry about," Ben glared at the grass and then slammed his mouth into his arm. "Pfffft, what bigger shit?"
"Ben look," Callie started but then stopped. She dragged in a deep breath and tried to find the right words. Words that would help explain things. "Daryl's….he didn't mean that he didn't-"
"Ya ain't gotta make excuses for him," Ben snapped cutting off whatever she was going to say. "He's an adult. Daddy always said adults didn't get to have excuses made for 'em. So, don't," Ben shifted his head up and looked at her. "He's an adult, and I know he's hurtin'. We all are. Don't mean we push away like that. That's not what you taught us."
"You're right," Callie said quietly her hand settling hard on Ben's shoulder. He worked at the inside of his cheek a bit before shifting his eyes back out towards the fields. The breeze picked up around them and Callie shifted closer.
"I shouldn'ta asked him," Ben mumbled into his arm.
"We all get one, buddy," Callie said squeezing his shoulder a bit. He lifted his gaze to her briefly and they shared a small smile before Ben's eyes were shifting, his brow furrowing just slightly at whatever he'd caught onto.
Instinctively Callie shifted Ben away from the fence and slightly behind her, her hand automatically shifting to her gun settled at her hip as she spun around. She followed Ben's line of sight and instantly picked up on the figure, bathed in the odd blue-grays of evening making his way over the broken area of fence not far from them. Beside her, Ben lifted up the binoculars he taken to wearing around his neck and shoved them hard into his face.
"Think s'Dale," Ben mumbled as he lowered the binoculars and looked up at her in confusion. Callie sighed, her hand falling from her gun and shifting to where she'd tucked the small flashlight at her other hip. Her feet were already moving towards where Dale had stopped, his body hunched slightly near the fence. She heard Ben shuffling along beside her, but kept her eyes on Dale as she slipped the flashlight out and pushed the button on the bottom.
"Why don't you head back," Callie said quietly, her eyes narrowing as Dale put both hands to his knees and bent at the waist. Her pace picked up and so did Ben's, his little head tipping up to look at her as he scuttled a bit further ahead.
"Pffft," Ben said causing her to roll her eyes. "It ain't safe for him to be out alone. And it ain't safe for you to be out there either. Safety in numbers, that's what Miles always says." Callie sighed and grabbed the boy by the back of his collar as they worked their way down the fence line.
"Stay close," Callie muttered as her eyes shifted back towards the shed where Randall was kept and then towards the house. "You get me?"
"Yes, ma'am," Ben said in a monotone that had her reaching up and slapping the back of his head lightly as she shifted forward a bit to overtake him again. She handed Ben her flashlight and he settled at her side as they walked, both of them intently watching the hunched figure of Dale.
"Where you headed?" Callie said as she and Ben stopped at the broken down opening Dale had just walked through. Obviously her words had startled the other man, which made her cringe at the state of the world around them. She and Ben had been making plenty of noise for Dale to have heard their approach, but the lingering winds of the storm rolling by must have covered it because the older man turned scared and wild eyes to her as he sprang up from his hunched position. His eyes held hers for a moment before he let out a long suffering sort of sigh and shook his head, his eyes glancing towards Ben briefly before shifting back out to the fields. He started off without a word and Callie exchanged a slightly annoyed glance with Ben before they followed. "Dale? Where are you-"
"Hell," Dale retorted sharply in a breathless tone. His eyes shot over his shoulder and he glared at Callie for a moment before shifting his eyes forward again.
"Cute, Dale," Callie said smirking slightly as she watched Ben pick his way across the broken fence and dash towards them. Her eyes slipped behind her towards the shed and house, and she sighed as she signaled for Ben to follow her. This time Dale must have heard her approach and proximity because he sent a tired look over his shoulder at her.
"Leave me alone, Callie," Dale said in a tired pleading tone as he slowed to a stop, his eyes yet again slipping to Ben kicking his feet along the grass beside her. He looked back at her and she saw the sadness welling in his eye in the bare light of her flashlight as it shifted along the ground and then over his face. She stared long and hard and firmed her lips.
Part of her wanted to listen to him. Part of her could see that he was in no mood for company. And part of her understood that need for privacy; understood and wanted to accommodate it because he'd been so good to her about respecting her need for it not long ago. But another part was looking at the sheen of sweat visible along his brow, and the way his shoulders were lifting and falling in rapid succession with his slightly labored breathing and she just couldn't turn away. Not when he was so obviously struggling.
"Sorry, Dale," Callie said finally shrugging her shoulders and sending him a small smile. "Can't. You see, we bought us the group rate on that trip." Dale sighed and rolled his eyes away from Callie then and started trudging forward, but now his pace had slowed as he resigned himself to his unwanted company. Callie spared a glance down to Ben and signaled for him to follow along as they worked their way through the grass. Callie let Dale stay quiet as he moved, his labored breathing echoing low as the wind and misting rain finally started to subside. Her gaze lingered on his form watching as he made his way, not further away, but instead slowly towards the wooded area that stretched along behind the house. Finally, as Dale came to another apparently necessary stop Callie settled in at his side. "You wanna tell me about it? The discussion….?"
"That wasn't a discussion," Dale snapped back as they started making their way slowly along the small path that lead towards the little lake area that Hershel often took his animals for watering. "That was nothing but a ridiculous gesture to placate an old man with old world ideas of society and civilization. Ideas that apparently don't belong in this world anymore," Dale said, an aggravated breath rattling out of him as he raked a hand over his bare head. His eyes shifted to Callie beside him and he grimaced before continuing. "It was nothing but Rick's attempt to humor me. And it made me feel as useless as I felt when all of this first began. It was demeaning to my sensibility and beliefs."
"Well shit Dale," Callie said letting out a bit of a chuckle as she settled her fingers into her back pockets. She rocked back on her heels when Dale speared her with a look that said he was anything but amused and she sighed. "I doubt Rick meant it to be like that…
"You need to throw somethin'?" Ben asked, his question startling both adults and causing them to shift around and look at him. He was a few paces behind them sauntering off towards the tree line, shifting the flashlight back and forth over the ground as he squished his feet in the mud. He skipped his eyes up to them and raised a brow.
"What?" Dale asked, his voice exhausted and confused and working towards being as pleasant as he could with the boy.
"Daddy always said when I was mad instead of taking it out on someone I should take it out on something," Ben said shrugging his small shoulders as he looked back out to where the flashlight beam was on the tree before him. This was the second time in so many minutes that Ben had brought up his father, and Callie couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy as she realized that while his conversation with Daryl earlier had brought issues Daryl hadn't been ready for, it must have brought up some the boy hadn't been prepared for either. Ben bent and picked up a small rock and looked at it before continuing. "I spent a lot of time tossin' rocks at Gracie's dolls out back. And you know, it helped, kinda, 'cept when Gracie would be out there pilin' up the rocks for me. Guess it don't help nothin' to have the person you're mad at helpin' you be mad at 'em," Ben looked over to Callie and Dale, tossing the small rock up and down in the palm of his hand.
Callie smiled, finally figuring out why Gracie's habit of piling up rocks had increased lately. All the tension in camp; she was just gathering ammunition for people. Callie chuckled lightly and exchanged a glance with Dale, who smiled tightly back. Dale sighed and Callie saw him dip his head in cowed fashion as he yet again raked his hand over his sweat slicked head.
"Want me to get you some rocks?" Ben asked, and the sincerity in his tone broke that final bit of a wall that Dale had been working to put up and had the elder man chuckling slightly.
"We should head back," Callie said taking them in a different direction. Her eyes slipped up to the sky and then towards the house.
"A few more minutes," Dale said quietly his eyes slipping back towards the nearby farm as well. "Ben," Dale called out catching the boy's attention as he made to step closer towards the woods. "Come here, son." Dale shifted and crouched down as Ben hurried over. The wince slipping out over Dale's features didn't go unnoticed by Callie and she gave the elder man a stern look as he glanced up at her. He raised his hand in a placating manner to her and nodded, knowing they needed to head back but apparently needing a moment with the boy and with her. Dale shifted his left arm over his raised knee, his rifle settled neatly on the ground beside him, and he again shifted as if in pain as he worked to remove his watch from his wrist. "I want you to take this for me. Do you know how to read a watch?" Dale asked as he motioned for Ben's arm. Ben nodded, holding his left arm out and watching in awe as Dale placed the watch on it. "Callie and I are going to have a chat for a few minutes-"
"How many's a few?"
"Ten," Callie said quickly, putting her own mental timer on as she started to shift around almost restlessly along the grass. Her hand shifted to her gun and settled for a minute as she toed the soft wet ground around her. The mud just seemed so thick here, and the way it stuck to her boot had a shiver running up her spine. "Maybe five."
"Ten," Dale countered sparing her a glance as he settled the watch into place. It was too big and almost about to fall off, but Ben spread his fingers wide to keep in on. "You let us know when the big hand hits the eight. Okay. Then we'll head back," Dale said tapping his finger on the face of the watch. "In the meantime, why don't you find me a couple of good throwing rocks?"
"Okay," Ben said in an almost excited tone as he shifted off with his flashlight towards the woods again.
"Hey, stay close," Callie called after him and watched Ben skid a bit on the wet grass before coming to a stop. "No woods." Ben nodded idly and began shifting his eyes around the ground where he stood. He practically dove himself at the ground and Callie shook her head as she slipped her eyes back to where Dale had started to walk off again. She sighed as she shifted on her feet and again settled her fingers to the butt of her gun as she walked after him.
Dale continued off a bit sliding out onto where the path apparently continued cut out into the knee high grass around them. Callie furrowed her brow and spared a quick look around them past the shed off a bit and towards the house still visible in the distance. Her eyes catching on that familiar spot that rebellious Maggie and respectful Danny had claimed as a smoking spot; the same place where Rick had tossed up his guts only a few days ago after putting a bullet into Sophia. She let out a long sigh and turned her attention back to Dale as he paced a bit further along the path. His eyes shifted over his shoulder at her and he let out a breath before turning to face her.
"I could have used you in there," Dale said finally, his head shaking slightly as her chin dipped to her chest. "I understand why you weren't there. I'm not saying I don't. It's just… I could have used you. And I think Rick could have, too. If you'd have been in there maybe-"
"Rick's mind was made up the day he learned who Randall was to me and Danny," Callie said in return. "Nothing I could have said in there would have made a difference."
"You're being foolish if you think that's true," Dale said pointing a finger at her. Callie's brow furrowed at the noticeable shake to the elder man's hand and he let it fall on a disgruntled sigh. "He looks to you to be that sounding board for him. He needs you for that. And you left him-"
"Rick and I talked. I tried Dale," Callie said lifting her arms out wide and then falling back to her sides. Her eyes shifted to see Ben still crouched down near the ground where they left him and she stepped a little closer. "Believe me I did. I just…." Callie sighed and looked at her boots.
"I know you did," Dale said tiredly, his hand slipping again over his head as he looked to her with sorrow-filled eyes. "I know. I'm just-" Dale lifted a hand out to her and raised it. "If anyone has a right to want that boy dead, it's you. And yet, here you stand, with me. I can't understand how people can't look at that and think that maybe this is the wrong way of doing things."
"Dale, I'm not you," Callie said quietly as she looked to the grass hitting off of her pants at the knee. The wet feel of it seeping into the fabric, the way it darkened the material. "I'm not driven by the greater good of the group like you. I'm not," she said looking up at him and frowning slightly. "I'm selfish….I just-I have enough blood on my hands."
"Callie-"
"It's true," Callie said waving off his concern and turning towards the grass a bit. She caught sight of Ben in her periphery as he worked further along the edge of the forest and let out a long sigh knowing that it was past time for them to head back. "It's selfish. And you're right. I should have been there tonight for you. For Rick. But…." Callie sighed again and shrugged not really knowing what else to say.
'I have enough blood on my hands.'
For some reason those words echoed in her head as she stared at the grass slapping off of her knee in the wind. Her fingers reached down to touch it, and she felt the cool, thick mud settle along the tips of her fingers. Idly she put her thumb and forefinger together and rubbed, her eyes lingering on the dark scratching pattern of the mud along the fabric of her jeans. Her eyes narrowed in that moment. The sound of Dale shuffling a bit behind her drowned out by the rush of her blood pounding between her ears. Her vision narrowed to a pinprick of awareness on the dark stain along her fingertips and her head snapped up. She'd never been to this part of the property before, and the way the path stretched out into the grass for no apparent reason…and the mud along the top of it…. Her eyes narrowed again as she continued to rub her fingers together.
There shouldn't be mud along the tips of the grass.
"Callie….?" Dale's voice called out again and this time Callie looked back towards him. He wasn't looking at her, but instead out towards the field. Out where a very odd sort of sound was echoing back out at them. A sound that Callie only now picked up through the low howling wind. "What…?"
Callie's hands went back to her fingers, and the bare gleam of the moon above finally illuminated what had stained them and her pants. The stark red color of fresh blood suddenly so sharp and bright in the pale moonlight that it made her blood run cold and her stomach to plummet to her toes.
"My God," Dale's breathless and panicked tone reached her ears but she didn't turn to see him lifting his own fingers to his eyes. Instead her head snapped up and she stared straight ahead. Right to where Ben's small form could barely be seen by the tree line, his flashlight settled on the ground while he picked at some more rocks.
"Ben!" Callie called out frantically. The fresh blood. The strange noises coming from the field behind them. Hershel's words from earlier about Jimmy finding Walkers in the woods, mixed with Shane's grumbled report at only finding one had her heart hammering wildly as she dashed towards Ben. Instinct taking over rational thought as she ran leaving Dale to follow.
Ben barely heard Callie call out and shifted away from his inspection of the ground and the rocks settled near the edge of the forest before him. He turned away and looked to see her barreling towards him, her feet slipping on the soft wet ground below, her eyes wide and arms practically reaching out for him despite the distance. Ben's brow furrowed and he shifted in his crouched position, pushing up slowly to his feet.
He stopped halfway up. Frozen. The wind rushed around him and it almost hid it; almost made him miss that faint sound of moaning and hissing, that sound that had been haunting him since the CDC and the highway. Ben's eyes widened and he turned just in time to see the hand reaching up from the ground that he'd been settled at. He scrambled away, but wasn't fast enough as the gnarled hand caught onto the strap of the binoculars and pulled. He pulled back, fell to his backside and screamed, the sound of it echoing oddly in his own ears as the cold, wet mud squished below his back as the Walker dragged itself practically on top of him. The light weight of it shocked him and he realized idly that the thing was only like half of a person really. One leg ripped off and left somewhere while the other hung broken and useless at an odd angle as it worked to pull itself up on top of him using the strap of the binoculars as all the leverage it needed.
"BEN!" Callie's screeching voice reached his ears but soon it was drown out again by his own screaming.
The Walker lunged forward, its grip on the strap around his neck propelling his smaller frame up and towards its snapping jaw. Instinct had him frantically searching for the gun he usually had at his side with his right hand while his left lifted to try and shield himself from the attack, his forearm pressing into the once man's throat and desperately pushing away. Time must have slowed or something, because Ben figured Callie should have been there by now, but she wasn't. His left hand moved back again, the feel of Dale's watch sliding painfully across his skin as it was ripped off.
"Ben!" Callie's voice again, and then the sound of her footsteps so close that he just couldn't stop himself from looking back to see her coming to help.
It was a mistake.
Lookin' away. He knew it the instant he did it, but just couldn't help himself.
But he shoulda never done it.
Because the second he looked away, he lost sight of where his left arm was heading when he pushed it forward to yet again fend off the snapping jaw of that Walker. As it was, he didn't see it until his attention was snapped back to it by the horrific feel of the Walker's teeth sinking deep into his arm. Ben watched in mute horror, his voice trapped somewhere in his throat choking him it seemed, as the Walker tore away a chunk of his arm right above his left wrist.
Ben stared wide-eyed over the landscape of the gnarled flesh of his arm and right into the milky-dead eyes of the Walker, deep red dripping along the edges of the decayed flesh surrounding it's mouth as it chewed slightly on what it had just torn from him.
Then there was pain.
An excruciating, searing pain that finally registered in his brain and had him screaming again as the Walker moved in for its next bite.
When you want more than you have, you think you need
And when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place,
Cause when you have more than you think, you need more space,
Society, you're a crazy breed,
I hope you're not lonely without me,
Society, crazy indeed,
Hope you're not lonely without me,
~Society/ Eddie Vedder
AN: So….. *runs and hides*
See ya next chapter! (which will pick up EXACTLY where this one ends...)