New Meanings To Old Words: LOVE
Another chapter another step closer to the end of Season 2…and the beginning of a shit ton more writing if I'm ever gonna catch up. I gotta give it to you guys for sticking with me on this endeavor I'd have never thought it would become this/take this damn long. But it has. And you guys rock for enduring as you have.
As always read, review and most of all enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but Callie and the crew of misfits and the characters around them, including those we've loved and lost and those we've not yet met in the flesh….
Shuffle Your Feet
Callie rested her forehead against the doorjamb, the cool wood a welcoming presence against the slight pound of the migraine she felt brewing just behind her eyes. She stood there just breathing for what felt like an eternity, her head swiveling this way and that as she worked to try and alleviate the tension in her neck. She'd slept horribly. She couldn't even remember falling asleep. One minute she was talking to Rick, Hershel and Danny about something so mundane she couldn't even recall what it was, and the next she was practically catapulting up from the pillows catching herself before she fell off of the bed and down onto the pile of blankets Danny called a bed these days.
Swiveling her head to the right she caught her reflection, a dim shadowed thing, in the window at the end of the hall just past their room. She wasn't sure exactly what time it was, but judging by the pitch blackness outside it had to be fucking early. Way too fucking early.
Closing her eyes again, she listened to the hushed voices coming from the kitchen just beyond where she stood. Glenn, Maggie and Danny were quietly discussing Ben's condition waiting for the meeting that she'd asked them to attend this morning to begin. Waiting for her to make her grand fucking entrance into that godforsaken kitchen at this godforsaken hour.
Callie lifted her right hand and slipped into the small space she'd allowed between her forehead and the wood. She rubbed twice and then let it slide back around to the nape of her neck, letting her eyes slip closed once again as she listened to Glenn chuckle just a bit at whatever Danny had just muttered.
Silence followed. Silence soon broken up by the almost too loud sound of Danny's voice just beside her sounding fucking jovial as ever.
"Ungodly fuckin' hour to be up, huh?" Danny said and Callie's head tipped up slowly, the side of her face remaining against the door jamb as she looked into Danny's smiling eyes. He leaned towards her a bit. "Who the fuck would want to meet up this damned early…oh yeah."
"Fuck you, Danny," Callie said glaring at that familiar shit eating grin. Danny stepped back slightly and regarded her, his eyes slipping up her frame and then landing firmly on her face.
"Don't get snippy," Danny said back sliding a cup of steaming coffee up into view. Callie pushed off the wall and made a grab for the mug. Her lips settled along the rim while her eyes slipped up to meet Glenn's and then Maggie's as she stepped into the low lit kitchen. She took one sip and grimaced, her eyes shooting to the half-full pot and then to Danny.
"Fuck that's bad," Callie muttered as she powered down the first sip and then went in for another.
"Beggars can't be choosers, Cal," Danny retorted lifting a hand at her and waiving off her words. "Fuckin' Juan Valdez is probably more like Juan Val-dead now, so you know, fresh coffee's gonna be a bit hard to find."
The simultaneous groans of displeasure from Callie, Glenn and Maggie were met with a lift of Danny's shoulders and a quick 'What?'
"Lord, don't you ever stop?" Maggie said shaking her head as a smile edged its way onto her face. Callie's eyes met Glenn's and they shared a look as Danny shrugged and smiled wider.
Callie slipped up to the counter next to the sink and settled her backside along it as she sipped at the horribly stale coffee in her mug. She tightened her grip around the mug with both of her hands as her eyes shifted to where Glenn and Maggie stood at the kitchen island.
Immediately she felt her skin heat up as that prickling sensation of unease worked its way over her spine, and a fine sweat broke out along her hairline. The counter was fucking sparkling under the low light provided by the sparce overhead lighting -the image of Rick elbow deep in red tinged suds scrubbing at that bloody tile flashed into her mind. It was so pristine, so untouched by anything as if nothing had happened. She shook herself and wondered if she'd ever be able to sit there, eat there, or even look at it without imagining poor Ben's prone and bleeding body atop it.
The feel of Danny's hand lightly touching her arm and squeezing once had her eyes skipping up to his. She met that darkness in his eyes straight on. The darkness that told her she wasn't alone in her ill-ease. She put one hand to his and patted twice.
"Do you want us to move into the dining room," Glenn asked, his hands slipping to the map he'd spread out on the counter.
"No," Callie said lifting her hand off of Danny's and waiving off the question. "This is fine. It's fine, Glenn." Glenn gave a small nod and shifted his attention back to Maggie as she shifted closer to him. Callie sucked in another mouthful of coffee and rubbed her forefinger and thumb along the bridge of her nose as she moved to take up a spot at the counter.
"You look like shit. Did you sleep? I swear you were sleepin' when Rick put you in bed," Danny asked quietly as they walked. Callie's eyes shifted over to him and narrowed at the smile tilting along his lips. "What?"
"Don't make me have to beat you with this mug, Danny-boy." Callie retorted shifting her attention back to the map. She shifted Glenn a quick look and shake of her head that he returned with a small smile of understanding before shifting closer to her. Danny chuckled as he stepped over to the other side of the counter, his elbow slipping out to hit into Maggie's just slightly causing her to roll her eyes before shaking her head.
"So, we ready?" Glenn said settling his eyes on Danny and giving the other man a tired look.
Danny shook his head, the smile still tilting his lips even as he tried to school it. He moved to bend over and just as he was about to rest his elbows along the island he stopped. His eyes held on the tile for a moment and his gaze shifted over the surface, catching on that little notch caused by the impact of the ax. Glenn watched as Danny straightened, his expression instantly cooling and sharpening into that one Glenn didn't quite recognize as belonging to Danny yet. That same expression he'd seen cross his features yesterday when they'd been packing up the camp. When he'd told Glenn about his and Callie's plans to leave after the winter. Glenn's eyes shifted to Callie who watched Danny as he limped his way away from the counter. Danny shook himself, and grabbed roughly for one of the stools behind him. He practically fell onto the seat, his bum leg shooting out towards the counter working as a buffer or sorts; something to keep him from reaching out and touching the surface as he'd almost just done. They all watched the transformation, watched Danny push away that dark demon that had so quickly rushed into his mind. Watched him brush it off with a quick shake of his body before he again slouched down into a posture of nonchalance. Watched him turn on that hundred watt smile of his and glance around at them as if absolutely nothing had just happened.
"Okay," Glenn said, his eyes holding on his friends' for a moment. Danny gave a small nod and Glenn returned it before shifting his eyes first to Maggie and then to Callie. "We sat down and marked the map like you asked. Maggie worked out a few good alternate supply locations that we can try in the future. Some more farmhouses, one of them where the local doctor lived."
"Doc Mason," Maggie chimed in as she bent over the map and tapped a finger on a small red circle. "He had an office in town, but made a lot of house calls. I haven't been out there, but I'd be willin' to bet he's got some supplies there we can use."
"Great," Callie said nodding her head and stepping forward. She wanted to bend over and put her hands to the map but that sensation tickling up from the base of her spine into her hairline had her pulling back, and clenching her hands. She rubbed them together and tucked them into her back pockets, rocking back slightly on her heels before shifting her attention back to the map. Her eyes held onto a small red circle settled around a familiar plot of land. "Is that the church?"
"Yeah," Glenn said quietly, his eyes skipping from her to the map and then back. "Jimmy overheard us talking," Glenn started.
"Kid's got a bad fuckin' habit of overhearin' shit," Danny mumbled under his breath. Callie spared him a scathing look and then shifted her attention back to Glenn.
"He said the church doubled as an emergency shelter for the town during bad weather. Said there's still supplies in the basement. Canned goods, medical supplies, blankets," Glenn shrugged and lifted a hand. "Can't hurt to look, right? We're gonna need that stuff, and if you still think the town is off-limits," Glenn raised a brow and Callie nodded.
"It is," Callie said instantly. "Randall's people may not have come looking for him, but those two guys that did make it out of town know that there are supplies there. Thirty people bypassing a chance at easy supplies just doesn't seem plausible at this point in the game. So for now, we stay clear." Glenn and Maggie both nodded and Danny just stared at her, stared long and hard until she had to look away from the intensity. "Okay, so we've got contingency spots plotted out. I'm gonna have T-Dog, Miles and Andrea do a gas run up to the highway first light. We'll have them scavenge a mile or two down and back and probably keep that up on rotation for a few days." Taking a breath Callie finally stepped closer to the counter and put a single shaking finger to another spot on the map. "Soon as we're all ready, after Rick and Daryl leave, we'll head out."
"Who's we?" Danny said shifting forward in his seat and squinting at the map. "And where you goin'?"
"Glenn, Maggie, Miles and I are going to hit up that FEMA station at the school," Callie said in what she hoped was a very matter-of-fact tone.
"Oh, you mean the FEMA station with the shit-ton of walkers amblin' about. The one that Otis," Danny's eyes skipped to Maggie and he firmed his lips. Callie watched the moment his sarcastic comments died on the tip of his tongue, the way he swallowed showed how the ill taste burned its way down his throat. "Callie…."
"There can't be more Walkers there than in Atlanta, Danny," Glenn piped in, causing all eyes to shift to him. He squirmed a bit but shrugged his shoulders and looked at Callie. "We handled that okay. I think we can handle this. Should be cake."
"Oh, Glenn," Danny groaned as he retook his seat, his hands lifting over his eyes in a dramatic fashion. "Don't fuckin' jinx it." Danny scrubbed his hands at his eyes for a moment and dragged in a long breath before dropping them back to his lap. "What about me?" Danny said, once again propping his bum leg out and rubbing idly at the still bandaged flesh there.
"You need rest," Callie said waving a hand around in his general direction and then shifting her attention back to the map and Glenn.
"Look who's talkin',' Danny snapped back immediately his own hand arcing out waving flippantly in her direction. "Shit, sunshine, at this point only thing you're runnin' on adrenaline and bad coffee."
"But I can still run," Callie said back, her brow lifting slightly.
"Don't underestimate my hoppin' skills, Cal."
"Come on, Danny," Glenn said quietly from his position beside Callie. "We can do this. It's a good plan."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know," Danny said tiredly. "Just tired of sitting around here restin'," Danny raked a hand through his grown out hair and then scrubbed it along his stubble covered cheeks.
"Tell you what," Callie said shifting around and picking up her coffee from the table behind her. "You wanna help out so bad? Why don't you head out with Jimmy to the church? Miles said the RV's up and runnin' again, take her up there, fill her up with whatever you guys find; keep eyes on Jimmy. Show off some of your hoppin' skills."
"Oooooh," Danny said shaking his head and wagging a finger at Callie as she smiled. "Sweetheart, you're lucky I love you."
"Tell myself every day," Callie retorted. Danny sneered slightly as he flipped her off and then nodded his head, signaling his agreement to his assigned task.
The room fell into silence and Callie shifted her eyes out the windows into darkness of the early morning hours. Her eyes caught the clock above the door, ticking away, hands pointing to the nine and almost to the five. Quarter to five in the morning and already her mind was spinning in million different directions.
"So," Glenn said startling her out of her staring match with the clock. She blinked twice and looked over to where the younger man was shifting from foot to foot, his eyes skipping over the map, then to her and then back to map. "What about Rick? I don't think he's gonna be happy with us going behind his back like this."
"We're not going behind his back," Callie said quickly, her eyes slipping down to where her hands had settled at the holster on her hips. Her fingers tapped twice as she looked up through her lashes at the assembled group.
"Well, we're not really in front of it either," Glenn said then immediately shook his head and grimaced. "You know what I mean."
"I do," Callie said sighing and rubbing at her temple as she took a long sip of the warm yet horrid coffee. Her eyes slid to Danny who shook his head as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his seat a bit.
"Didn't really jump at the chance to tell him things last night there, Cal," Danny said shrugging a bit.
"He shouldn't have been in with us last night to begin with," Callie said in a rush of annoyance. Annoyance at Danny for being right. At Rick for being…well, for being Rick. At herself for taking Rick's comfort and support for everything it was and everything it could-but definitely shouldn't-be. For letting herself fall further into that 'something' that had only begun to take a hold of not just him, but both of them. A 'something' that was making leaving come Spring look more and more like the only thing left to do as the days went on. "Goddamnit," she muttered into her cup before slipping her eyes up to Danny. "Don't look at me in that tone," Callie said pointing a finger at him. He chuckled and raised both arms and she sighed before looking back to the slightly confused forms of Glenn and Maggie. "We're not going behind his back. We're taking something off of his shoulders." Her words were met with silence as Glenn, Maggie and Danny all exchanged looks. Callie rolled her eyes and let her head fall back in defeat. "I'll talk to him."
"And Daryl," Danny asked almost immediately. Callie's eyes lifted to him, her mouth opening to respond but before she could another voice was echoing out through the dimly lit kitchen.
"What about Daryl," Daryl's voice was clipped and tired, and it had Callie turning on a dime. Her eyes met his and she felt the grip on the mug she held go slack just a bit at the power held there. He was exhausted, more than she'd ever seen him look since she'd met him. Exhausted and haunted. Ghosts and demons were hiding behind those intense blue eyes, weighing down those broad shoulders, and she instinctively stepped closer before taking a step back as his gaze left hers. The glare he shot the rest of the crew in the kitchen had them all shifting slightly on their feet.
"My look at the time," Danny said in an overly dramatic tone as he stretched and pushed out of his seat. He shifted his eyes to Glenn and he raised a brow as he twitched his head towards the door leading out to the porch.
"Uh," Glenn's eyes shifted between Callie and Daryl and then to Maggie as his fingers tapped slightly on the counter of the kitchen island where the map was laid out. "Uh."
"Nice," Danny said giving Glenn a sarcastic thumbs up as he limped his way behind Maggie and slapped a hand down on his friend's shoulders. "Quit while you're ahead, buddy."
"'Uh', is ahead?" Maggie said watching Danny steer Glenn towards her. Danny shot her a large smile and as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and dragged her along.
"It's as ahead as he's gonna get right now, Mags," Danny said before shifting his eyes over to Callie. "We'll be outside, you know…not being in here," Danny said grinning at her as Glenn opened the door.
"Yeah you go find Jimmy there, Danny-boy," Callie called after him as he exited. She shook her head and then turned her attention to the man slowly making his way towards the kitchen island.
Daryl slowly lifted his crossbow off of his shoulder and set it on the counter next to the map, his eyes shifting over it slowly, squinting slightly as if struggling to read her and Glenn's chicken scratch markings. She shifted towards him, watching the way his mouth twitched as he chewed at the inside of his bottom lip. His eyes lifted to her and she smiled just a bit before offering her cup over to him as she settled near him.
"S'this?" Daryl asked as he put his hand to the cup and peered inside.
"Really fuckin' bad coffee," Callie said as her fingers slid slowly out from beneath his. Daryl nodded and took a sip as she settled her hands into her back pockets, chuckling slightly as he grimaced as he swallowed.
"Ya weren't kiddin'," Daryl said sneering slightly as he set the cup down on the counter beside the map. His eyes skipped up to her face and then down to the map again and she sighed taking another step towards him and that fucking kitchen island. "When you leavin'?"
"After you and Rick head out," Callie said in return without missing a beat. She caught his gaze as he slipped it to her and shifted on her feet when he looked away. "Figure we'll help get everyone settled into a routine, get a good list from Hershel of things we may need to look for and then get out early so that we can hopefully make it back before dark." He nodded idly as he bent over the map, his hands splayed out, dirt-encrusted fingers tapping along the rough edges of Miles' hand drawn map of the FEMA station. She sucked in a deep breath and steeled her spine as she settled her hand down next to his on the map. She felt the heat of his gaze settle on her hand, and watched the side of his face as the muscle in his jaw twitched twice. "I was going to find you. Tell you-"
"Yeah," Daryl said standing up and moving away from the counter. Away from her. He grabbed up his crossbow, turned and managed to take a single step away before she reached out and grabbed the back of his winged vest. She curled her fingers into it and pulled just slightly, causing him to shift his eyes back to her.
"I was going to find you," Callie said pulling one more time.
"I know," Daryl said staring hard into her eyes. They stayed that way for a long moment before Callie finally uncurled her fingers and let him pull just a bit further away. He half turned towards her and she placed her hands back into her back pockets as she watched him shift his eyes around. He looked lost, almost as if he didn't know where to go or what to do next.
"Did you need something?" Callie asked, causing his eyes to snap to her. She raised a brow and waited a slight tingle of agitation rising along the hairs at the nape of her neck.
"Had to piss," Daryl murmured back and turned his back on her. Again he took a few steps, and again he stopped, her own feet dragging her a few steps towards him and stopping as soon as he looked back at her. "He up?"
"No," Callie said back, knowing immediately who the 'he' was and smiling sadly as his chin dipped to his chest. "He was asking for you," she said quietly, and again his eyes lifted to her. He stared at her, chewing at the inside of his cheek as if trying to figure out what to say. He hadn't been in to see Ben since the boy fully woke, and as much as she wanted to rail at him, or ask why, she didn't. Because she was pretty damn sure the man had been trying to figure that out for himself. Daryl nodded his head and turned away.
This time Callie turned away too, her mind too bogged down by everything to continue chasing after him now. When she got back. When he got back. When things settled down she'd lock his ass in one of the rooms of this house and force him to talk. Force herself to talk. But now. There was just too much to get done, and too little time for things that deserved more than a passing conversation. Callie sighed and closed her eyes for a moment before putting a hand to the map spread out before her. A second later she felt a familiar tug on the holster around her hips, her body tingled at the pull and her breath hitched. She turned to find Daryl an arm's length away, his fingers trailing away from the holster though his eyes remained there. Remained on the compass he'd given her where it dangled at her hip. After a minute his eyes lifted to her and she held her breath as she watched his lips twitch while he worked the words he wanted to say out.
"Don't do nothin' stupid," Daryl spat out finally and she couldn't help but grin at him.
"Stupid is never on the agenda, Dixon," She replied crossing her arms over her chest.
"Nah, just follows your ass around like a lost puppy and you welcome it with open fuckin' arms," Daryl scoffed back, his hand waving around dismissively. His hands fell and his shoulder stiffened a moment later, his eyes catching hers and holding. "If I don't see you before we leave…." Daryl began.
"Then I'll see you when you get back," Callie said firmly, her backside settling against the kitchen island and her arms crossing over her chest.
"Yeah," Daryl said nodding. "A'right."
Daryl turned away again, his eyes fleetingly slipping towards the room where Ben lay sleeping. His eyes shifted to his boots and then away again. With his head down he disappeared into the dimly lit hallway and she listened to his boots scuff along the floorboards.
Sighing heavily Callie turned away, both of her hands coming down hard onto the counter on either side of the map. Her fingers curled under and she dug her nails into her palms for the briefest of moments, hoping against hope that the flicker of pain would somehow overshadow the pain in her head.
It didn't.
Daryl's feet scuffed over the floorboards as he trudged his way into the house. His head was down, fuckin' felt like it weighed a ton after two nights of nothing but a sore neck and very little sleep to go on. It was down, and it was fuckin' stayin' there because every time his eyes shifted up they fuckin' caught on something he didn't wanna have to deal with.
Fuckin' Maggie givin' him some kinda side-eyed glance as she made her way outside with a ratty old pack slung over her shoulder. Hershel and that curt fuckin' nod and hard glance as Daryl passed by him at the threshold to the living room. Fuckin' Lori and Carol hold up near the stairs just standin' there talkin' like the shit they were chattering about was so important that they couldn't possibly think to move to a room or out of the damned way. Both of them just stoppin' what they were sayin' to watch his ass walk down that hallway.
This fuckin' house was too damned small and the people too damned stupid at times for Daryl to even consider comin' in long term. If he had his way his tent was gonna be set up on the corner of the porch protected by some old fencing nailed along the porch rails. Well away from all this crazy.
Daryl's feet stopped for just a second, a small smirk tilting his lips as his mind recalled the first night he and Merle had witnessed the group setting up camp at the Quarry. The shock and awe he'd felt at the assembled stupidity had caused his mouth to just hang open, and had Merle smokin' his way through their entire stock of cigarettes.
Then again, that had been well before Callie and her crew dropped into his world. Knocked him right the fuck out of that mindset and right into a heap of trouble he never knew he wanted. Or never let himself feel he deserved.
His gaze shifted up again, towards his destination at the end of the hall and his smirk fell away. He stared for a moment before his gaze caught onto Beth coming out into the hall, her eyes hitting his immediately. She smiled and again his chin hit his chest as he moved out of the way to let her pass. His eyes followed her as she walked, her arms crossed over her stomach and pony tail swingin' behind her. Shakin' his head he let out a low breath and continued on, his feet comin' to another abrupt halt at the entrance to the room.
Miles was standing in the doorway to Ben's room, one shoulder settled against the jamb and both arms crossed tight over his chest. Daryl stood back, watchin' the boy-fuckin' man's- body as he jerked his head to the side and then nodded to whoever was inside. The kid looked different. Maybe it was just the way the bare hint of light visible in the window at the end of the hall was hitting him as he turned to face Daryl. Or the way his new clothes were fittin', but the kid's shoulders looked to be a fuckin' foot wider. And fuck, Daryl knew he must have hit a growth spurt or some shit, because as he walked up he was sure the kid had to have at least a fuckin' inch on him now.
Shakin' his head Daryl shifted his eyes around where Miles stood and into the room, feelin' the fuckin' force of that kid's gaze on him the whole damn time. Daryl scoffed slightly as he took another step. Wasn't fuckin' long ago that Miles had been a snivelin' little bitch that he had to take the time to calm down at each fuckin' turn, and now…Daryl's eyes shifted to meet Miles' head on. Now, Daryl found it hard to even call him 'kid'.
"You leavin'?" Miles asked in a low tone so as not to disrupt Patricia who was bent at the side of Ben's arm doin' some shit or another to that stump he had left there now.
"Soon as Rick's ready," Daryl responded in an equally low and gruff tone. His mouth twitched to the side and he winced right along with Ben as Patricia lifted his arm up. Shifting from one foot to another, Daryl felt his agitation grow. He hadn't talked to Ben since it happened. Hadn't been able to build himself up to it. Didn't know what to fuckin' say. Didn't really think anything he did say would do a damn thing. Again he felt the heat of Miles' stare on the side of his face and Daryl turned towards him, his chest puffin' slightly as if to push the kid back that imaginary step Daryl felt he'd taken.
For his part Miles just stared, his eyes cast in shadow by the brim of Jim's beat-up hat stuffed on top of his hair. The curling ends of blonde visible behind each ear had Daryl again wondering what the fuck this kid was eatin' that had him seemin' to age years in fuckin' days.
"He's been askin' for you," Miles said again in that low tone, only this time there was something else there. A lingering tinge of anger that rolled through the air between them, thickening it to an almost uncomfortable point. Daryl felt the impact of those words and that tone down to his fuckin' toes, his mind instantly falling back to only a few hours before when Callie had said those same words. Her eyes addin' a different kind of thickness to the air between them as she stared at him and waited for some kind of response. Waited for something that Daryl was only now truly understanding his fuckin' inability to provide her. Hell, his inability to provide anyone. Instantly his eyes shifted to the little boy sitting up against the pillows in his bed. Pale and exhausted, but fighting off the ragged pain no doubt wracking his little body. Fighting to accept the horror that was his mangled left arm. "He asked all fuckin' night," Miles said in a clipped tone, his body shifting slightly from foot to foot in his obvious irritation.
"Here now," Daryl snapped back his eyes sliding over to Miles as he worked to swallow the harsh taste of somethin' slowly rising up his throat.
"Yeah," Miles responded tightly, his head bouncing just a bit as his gaze wandered over Daryl's shoulder and down the hall.
A beat of silence passed between them and Daryl's eyes shifted back to Ben, watching Patricia lower the boy's stump and smile sweetly at him. Daryl's eyes moved, following Patricia's hands as she gathered her supplies from the bedside table. He inhaled sharply at the sight of the broken camera settled on the nightstand. Inhaled and then fuckin' felt his shoulders cave in and his body hunch as he began chewin' at the cuticle around his thumb.
"I told him I broke it," Miles said quietly, breakin' into Daryl's thoughts and causin' his eyes to snap back to the kid. "Said I did it during the move inside."
"I ain't ask you to do that shit," Daryl growled cutting Miles off before he could say another word. Daryl's body moved without thought, his chest pushing forward as he shoved himself up into Miles' face. Miles didn't move an inch, just let Daryl come and spit his venom with nothing but a raised brow in response. "Don't need you to fuckin' lie for me, boy."
"I didn't do it for you, man," Miles said in a tone that instantly relayed his slight annoyance and utter disgust in Daryl at that moment. They stood there for a second, both of their eyes workin' over the others. Both wantin' to say something else, but neither really ready to. Finally, Miles just shook his head slightly and turned away workin' his way down the hallway leaving Daryl to stare after him in disbelief. Sum'bitch was turning into Callie more and more every fuckin' day.
Daryl huffed out a low disgruntled breath and turned back towards the door to the room, damn near runnin' Patricia down as she worked to exit. She mumbled some kind of apology at him and he just sidestepped as if he'd been burned, his chin once again at his fuckin' chest like the fuckin' child he seemed to constantly revert back into when shit got into his head the wrong way. He eyed her as she moved, catching her eye briefly as she smiled just a little over her shoulder at him before disappearing out into the hall. When she was gone Daryl let out a breath and rubbed his dirty thumb nail at the scraggly bit of hair under his lower lip just staring at that doorway. Staring out at the nothing left there, and workin' hard to once again swallow that vile taste riding the back of his throat. This time though, he recognized exactly what it was.
Fear.
His eyes moved towards the bed and landed on the figure of Ben, his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling slowly as he drifted off.
Daryl scoffed and shook his head as he stepped further into the room. Fear. Fuckin' fear of a little boy. He didn't even need that fuckin' echo of Merle's voice that was always present in the back of his head to say it.
"Pussy," Daryl mumbled at himself as he walked his way around the room that Callie's misfits had crammed themselves into. It was a fuckin' mess. But a well-laid mess. A mess with a clear design and purpose. One he'd recognized the moment he entered as Danny's special fuckin' touch. Fuckin' dipshit that he was had unpacking down to an art form.
Grunting Daryl shifted himself over a pile of what looked to be shoes, all different types of fuckin' shoes no doubt set aside for fixin' or re-lacing. His eyes shifted over the floor where bedding made up of sleeping bags and blankets were set in an odd arc around the bed a foot away from the walls. It looked odd, not havin' that shit up against the walls, but it left a clear quick path of escape if necessary.
Daryl's eyes skipped over to the chair still settled on the other side of the bed near the bedside table, another mound of blankets settled between it and the bed. The three cups of half drank coffee and one empty cup of what had been Earl Grey by the tag hanging out of it caused his lips to twitch to the side. Danny, Callie and Rick along with he figured Hershel havin' a late night pow-wow without him settled somewhere hard in the pit of his stomach.
He didn't really fuckin' know why, wasn't like he'd made an effort to come in the fuckin' house last night. He'd opted instead for campin' out on the porch, joined by fuckin' T-Dog much to the distaste of both of them. Just fuckin' sat out there in the crisp cold-ass night in silence with the man. Daryl didn't know what kept T-Dog away from the comfort of the house for those hours they'd sat out there. He hadn't opened his mouth to ask, and the other man hadn't opened his mouth to offer.
So it remained a fuckin' mystery.
Just like every other damn thing in his life.
"Fuckin' dumbass pussy," Daryl muttered as he again settled the edge of his thumb to his teeth. His eyes raked over the spot on the bed next to Ben, the slight rumpling of the sheets and the folded blanket indicating someone had slept there.
"Who you callin' a pussy?" Ben's croakin' fuckin' exhausted voice echoed out and stopped Daryl's hand mid reach towards that rumpled spot on the bed.
Daryl's eyes lifted and his back stiffened as he caught Ben's questioning gaze. The look on the kid's face had Daryl stifling a chuckle, and pushin' away the urge to snap the kid's head off for his fuckin' lip. The realization that for once Ben wasn't bein' a smartass, but simply askin' a legitimate question had Daryl rollin' his eyes.
"Not you, little man, so don't worry 'bout it," Daryl responded quietly. He watched Ben's chin dip to his chest just a bit and watched as he struggled to sit up a bit. Daryl moved without any real thought behind it, his hands reachin' slowly and clumsily out over the bedside towards Ben but stoppin' short of actually doin' a damn thing. Ben either ignored Daryl, or just didn't see him tryin' to help because he managed to get himself sittin' upright without any help and huffed out a long pained breath once he fuckin' settled back against the pillows.
The room fell into silence again, Ben's head fallin' back against the headboard lightly as he closed his eyes and Daryl shifting listlessly in his position on the other side of the bed. Snarling at himself Daryl grabbed onto the strap of his crossbow and roughly yanked the thing off over his head lettin' it fall loudly to the floor beside the chair. He felt Ben's eyes on him as he moved, but he ignored him. He fell in a heap onto the chair, putting his elbows to his knees he hunched over and scrubbed both hands over his face.
When he looked up again, Ben's gaze was still settled near the chair, but not on Daryl. They were intent upon something else. Something beside him. Even before Daryl's eyes shifted over to follow the boy's gaze he knew what he was lookin' at.
"Ain't gonna be able to shoot it now," Ben said in a mumbled tone of defeat. Daryl's eyes lifted from his crossbow and up to the boy's face, his eyes still locked on the bow as his lips tilted in a small sneer. "Can't do that with one arm."
The words were harsh, something in his tone them tellin' Daryl that this wasn't the first time the boy had spoken about things he couldn't do anymore. Daryl's gaze snapped to the nightstand where the remains of Ben's broken camera were settled. His lips hitched to the side and firmed as his head shifted away, his gaze sliding away from the bed. His own thoughts from the other night when he'd smashed that camera echoing in his mind. Thoughts that were just as childish and angry as the boy lying there but hardly as fuckin' justified.
Ben let out a long sigh of what Daryl figured had to be a mix of pain and aggravation as he resettled against his pillows. Daryl watched him, his hand lifted to his mouth so that he could chew out his own frustration along the edge of his thumbnail. He watched and waited for the kid to say something else. Waited for him to start railin' out against the injustice done on to him. The unfair lot in life he'd been dealt in a world that didn't really give a fighting chance to anyone, especially not children.
Daryl blinked back that strange wetness that always seemed to cloud over his eyes when he let his mind wander to Jenna and Sophia. He blinked and sniffed hard as he rubbed the back of his hand along his mouth and waited for Ben to say whatever was on his mind that had him shifting around so much.
And as much as Daryl thought he knew the kid, he never would have expected the words that finally fell from the boy's lips.
"You mad?" Ben asked his voice quiet and pained as he stared over at Daryl. Daryl's eyes snapped over, his head lifting from where it had once again fallen to his chest. With a narrowed brow Daryl stared at the boy and tried to figure just what the fuck he was askin'. Tried and failed miserably.
"What the fuck you talkin' 'bout?" Daryl practically barked.
"Yeah, you're mad," Ben nodded his head a little and winced as he shifted again, his eyes settling on his sock clad feet as he kicked free of the blankets settled around him. Daryl's hand lifted and he leaned forward over the rumpled mass of bedding next to Ben and towards the boy still shifting idly.
"Quit squirmin' around," Daryl said firmly, his tone immediately stilling the boy's movements. Ben's eyes locked on to his and Daryl let out a low disgruntled sigh of annoyance. "Ain't fuckin' mad at ya."
"Not me," Ben said, his eyes boring holes into Daryl as he stared hard at his face. "You're mad at Callie. You are. You are and that's why you're leavin'."
"That what she said?" Daryl asked quietly, his thumb scratchin' at his lower lip as he eyed the boy starin' at him.
"No," Ben said firmly. "But I know you. Had you mad at me enough at the Quarry to know what's really goin' on. You're mad."
"Ain't mad," Daryl said quietly, causing Ben to let out a low 'pffft' under his breath as he shifted in the bed. Daryl's eyes skipped away and he swallowed down the ill taste in his mouth left behind by his own fuckin' lie. He wanted those words to be true, wanted to not feel this overwhelming need to yell at her for lettin' Ben get…Daryl shook his head and let his eyes roam over the remainder of Ben's left arm. He wanted it to be true, but it wasn't. And he supposed that's why he couldn't really bring himself to talk to her much about anything. Couldn't bring himself to do much of anything but run. He felt the burn of Ben's gaze on him a moment later and he squirmed in the fuckin' chair under it.
They sat in silence again after that, Ben's gaze shifting away as he shook his head in what Daryl could only describe as a fuckin' dismissive motion. A move that had Daryl snarlin' back another snide comment about sniveling little brats thinkin' they were tough shit now when only days ago they were cryin' on his fuckin' shoulder 'bout some shit or another. The image of Miles walkin' off down that hallway to no doubt meet up with Callie and get ready to head out had him pushing roughly out of the chair, one hand snatching up his crossbow while the other shot into the air angrily. His mouth opened to say something then closed again, checked by some inner voice calmin' his ire and remindin' what he came in here for in the first place.
"Gonna be hittin' the road soon. Take care of that Randall kid," Daryl said gruffly, his eyes not even lifting to Ben but remaining locked on the footboard.
"And look for Merle," Ben returned, the low tone of his voice causing Daryl's eyes to lift to his. "Callie told me. Said Rick maybe had a lead on him and you were gonna check it out," Ben said quietly, his eyes boring holes into Daryl's.
"'Course she did," Daryl muttered in return, his eyes skippin' towards the window so that Ben wouldn't see the way his lips curled at the thought of her discussing this shit with Ben without him. But that was on him again, not her; so Daryl shook it off and looked back to the expectant boy. "Might be somethin', might not. Ain't really sure what's what yet," Daryl said finally, his hand lifting of its own accord so that he could scratch his thumbnail along the scraggly hairs under his lower lip. His eyes were downcast again, following the grain of the wood along the floorboards as that strange heavy silence settled again. And this time when Ben broke that silence, his words damn near knocked Daryl back a step.
"She loves you, ya know," Ben said in low voice barely above a raspy whisper. His eyes skipped up to Daryl and held for a moment before the little boy was grinding his teeth and glarin' off to the side. "I tol' her not to tell you. Said it wouldn't matter."
"She ain't got to tell me that shit," Daryl said in harsh tone, anger and confusion and everything else wellin' up in him at the same time and mingling into some mix of shit he just didn't want to deal with.
"Guess I was right then," Ben mumbled. Daryl's eyes snapped to the boy's face and they held one another's gaze for a long moment.
"Look," Daryl snapped, his anger gettin' the better of him as he took a few hard steps towards Ben. Ben's eyes widened and Daryl stopped, his head shakin' as he began to pace slightly at the foot of the bed. The words he'd wanted to say to the boy since he walked into the room finally makin' their way through the fog in his brain. "I'm sorry for snappin' at you the other night. I'm sorry if I - fuck, I dunno. I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me but I can't -" Daryl took a breath and waved a hand out at Ben, his crossbow swinging along his back with the momentum of his motion. "I'm sorry you feel bad, but I ain't sorry for tellin' you the truth. I didn't know, didn't realize….I can't be your dad, little man. I just can't. That ain't me."
"S'a'right," Ben muttered, his chin dippin' to his chest as he started shifting himself back into a prone position. "Don't fuckin' need you to. Got Callie. Got Danny."
"Yeah, you do," Daryl said back, his own lips snarling at the sudden distaste growin' in his mouth. He swallowed it down. Swallowed it and shook his head, knowin' that even if this hurt both of them it was for the best.
"Don't ya gotta go," Ben muttered before letting out a low hiss of pain as he scooted down into the pillows more.
"Yeah," Daryl mumbled around his thumbnail as it settled along his teeth. He watched Ben through his lashes, his chin once again takin' up residence on his fuckin' chest like some kinda cowed dog. He watched the boy's head shift and his eyes land first on his remaining bloody stump of a left arm, and then on the broken remains of his camera. Watched those tears wellin' up in the boy's eyes and couldn't fuckin' fight the instinctive motion of his feet pounding along the floorboards towards the door. Just as he reached the threshold his hand fell from his mouth and grabbed on to the doorframe stopping his progress. His fingers clenched as he stared over his shoulder at the boy refusin' to watch him walk out. Daryl's hand fell a wave of something workin' through him and he turned with the force of its momentum, his mouth openin' before he could even think to stop himself. "Someone tol' me somethin' a real smart man once said. Said, bein' big brothers is the most important job in the world." Ben's head snapped up, his eyes meetin' Daryl's head on in such a forceful way that Daryl felt like he needed to step back from it. But he didn't. He fuckin' held his ground this time and faced the boy now starin' at him. Ben's daddy's words hittin' so hard that Daryl almost felt bad for sayin' them. "I ain't got no clue how to be a dad. Failed when I tried once. Don't think I could survive failin' again." Daryl looked away then, feelin' the questions in Ben's gaze. Questions he didn't want to answer. The image of David bleedin' out from that gut shot to his midsection, screamin' out as he lay over his momma's prone body while Daryl watched him from the rearview mirror had his head buzzin' with some kind of force that nearly floored him. Daryl pushed past it, sucked it up and pushed it down and looked back to Ben. "Ain't no fuckin' daddy. But I think I'm a pretty fuckin' good brother."
"Yeah," Ben said in an almost whispered tone. His chin bobbed once and Daryl shifted so that his back was to the doorframe.
"Whatever's goin' on between me and Callie," Daryl started, his words low and gravely as he felt his mouth run dry for just a moment. "Whatever happens, aint' gonna change things. Ain't gonna stop me from tryin' to keep you and Gracie safe. Ain't nothin' gonna stop me from doin' that."
"'Cause we're brothers," Ben said quietly, his head lifting just a bit and a smile tiltin' his trembling lips.
"Damn straight," Daryl said shifting so that he was standing up straight, his whole damn body bouncing along with the nodding of his head. "An' if anyone's ass is gonna be out there lookin' for Merle with me, it's gonna be you, little man."
"Damn straight," Ben said back and Daryl couldn't stop the small chuckle that fell from his lips.
Daryl turned his back and the smile faded as his hands once again found purchase on the door frame. He could feel Ben's gaze still on him and he wanted to turn back around. Turn around and give him a real smile and tell him things were gonna be fine. Tell him he loved him, because he did. He knew he did. But some kinda weird sensation crawling its way along the scars on his back and through the acrid fog in his mind made him clench his jaw against it. He wanted to turn but instead he just walked out. Not another word, just a half-assed nod of his head with a bare hint of eye contact and he was gone. Walkin' down that fuckin' hallway out towards the porch where god knew what awaited him, only this time his chin wasn't at his chest. His spine was fuckin' steel, and his heart clad in armor.
Callie unzipped her old blue backpack, her fingers slipping over the tears she'd half-ass repaired months ago. The thing looked like it was about to break at any moment, straps held on by threads that should have broken by now. Dirt was imbedded so deep into the fabric that you couldn't even really see its dark blue hue anymore. It looked horrid, smelled worse, and yet here it was, still serving its purpose.
Callie shook her head at herself and shoved in two more full clips of ammo before shifting her gaze down to where Gracie had posted herself near the back wheel. Setting the backpack into the open back end of the Hummer she put a hand to her hip and watched as the little girl continued to load the two remaining clips. She felt like she should be smiling, felt like this moment of calm deserved a smile, but she couldn't seem to force it to her lips. Watching Gracie's little fingers slowly work each bullet into place caused nothing but shivers to run down her spine, and a horrid distaste to slip up the back of her throat. Callie's fingers flexed and clenched where they were hooked into the holster at her hips and she shifted listlessly on her feet, her eyes skipping up to the shed not far off.
Randall was still in there and that knowledge clawed at her insides as she fiddled with the gun settled in the holster at her hip. That boy still being on this farm was unnerving, even knowing that he'd be gone soon didn't settle that tingling sensation of ill-ease running along the hairs at the nape of her neck. Whether it was everything that had happened with Ben the other night, or everything that had happened when her path last crossed Randall's, she found a sad sort of comfort in starting Gracie's weapon training early. Hell, maybe she'd been naïve to have put it off this long. Her eyes slipped down to Gracie again, instantly catching the little girl's stare. She smiled tightly and then looked towards the house.
She caught onto Rick's lean figure almost instantly. His dark silhouette slowly making its way away from the house and over towards her. She watched him for a second, his head down both hands firmly at his hips, as if he were berating himself for something - most likely everything, if Callie was being honest about the man's state of mind these days. His head swiveled and she followed his gaze catching sight of Shane stalking around near the cars. Sighing Callie let her gaze drift over Gracie again before reaching down and picking up Jenna's old backpack and stuffing it into the back of the Hummer.
"Callie," Rick said. His voice was a harsh grumble of exhaustion. Exhaustion that was made only more palpable as she shifted her eyes over her shoulder to him and faced it head on.
"Rick," Callie said back with a small smile as she bent to retrieve one of the two red emergency bags that they'd taken from the CDC. "Thought you two were supposed to be gone by now."
"Well, if I'd have known people were waitin' on us, I'd have made more of an effort to be punctual," Rick retorted, an obvious tone of anger to his sarcastic words. Callie sighed and then chuckled as she turned to face him. He raised a brow and she smiled, settling her backside to the open tailgate and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Let me guess, you ran into Glenn," Callie said with a shake of her head as her eyes lifted to the sky. "Swear to God."
"Maybe you should pick a different person to tell your secrets to," Rick said back, his hands once again finding purchase along his hips as he stared at her.
"I'm not keeping secrets," Callie said back, her smile fading as she held Rick's gaze. "I'm not."
Rick nodded, his gaze sweeping down to where Gracie sat ignoring the both of them as she continued to load the clips. Slowly he lowered to a knee and caught Gracie's gaze. He smiled a bit, but it didn't reach his eyes and Gracie for her part didn't even bother to fake a grin back as she stared up at him.
"Gracie, can I have a moment with Callie?" Rick asked quietly and Gracie just continued to stare at him. Her eyes skipped over his face for a moment and Callie shifted her backside along the tailgate as she tried to get a better view of the silent exchange between them. After a few seconds, Gracie held out the two full clips to Rick. A motion that obviously shocked him as he recoiled just slightly from her for the briefest of moments. Reluctantly he took them, and he remained in his kneeling position as the little girl got to her feet and bounded off.
"Straight to the house, Gracie-girl," Callie called after, watching as the girl continued on towards the porch at a slow trot. Her eyes shifted then to Rick, still kneeling at her feet, his eyes glued to the two clips in his hand. "I was going to find you, Rick. This-," Callie sighed when he looked up at her and she waved a hand behind her towards the Hummer. "None of this was meant to be a secret. I just-I wanted to give you a moment to breathe before I tracked you down. It was the wrong choice, and I'm sorry."
"I know," Rick said sighing as he got to his feet. His eyes remained on the clips in his hand for a moment longer before looking at her. "You wouldn't have told Glenn if it was supposed to be a secret."
"Boy is shit with keepin' things to himself," Callie said and they both chuckled slightly.
"Not a bad quality to have," Rick said back and Callie nodded her head. His eyes hit hers again and held, the moment of levity sliding away and replaced by the heaviness of the more immediate moment. "So, you're heading out? The FEMA station?"
"Yeah," Callie said nodding her head, watching Rick's hand clench just a bit around the clips he held as he stepped towards her. "We can't just sit around, Rick. Those supplies, Ben's gonna need more meds, and Lori..." Rick's gaze snapped to her then. "I'm not doing this behind your back, but I'm not gonna wait for your approval either. It doesn't work that way with us."
"No, it doesn't. I know that," Rick said firmly, his jaw clenching as he took one final step towards her. "It's a good move. A move you're more than capable of headin' up and takin' care of." His hand extended, the clips settled into his open palm. Callie reached out with a smile taking the clips, and just as she was pulling away Rick's hand clamped around her wrist keeping her from turning away. He stared hard at her face, his hand tight where it sat and she stared back. Long seconds of silence leading to an even heavier air around them and had Callie beginning to fidget. "Are you okay?" Rick asked after a beat, his eyes skipping over hers.
"I'm fine," Callie said pulling free of Rick's gaze and hold. She turned her back on him and shoved the two clips hard into the red backpack. A beat of silence and then Rick's body shifted so that he stood at her side, his heated stare settled hard on the side of her face.
"Are we okay?" Rick asked in a low tone, his chin dipping slightly so that he could try and catch her gaze. She closed her eyes for a moment and dragged in a slow breath. Her eyes met his and she smiled a half-assed smile as she turned and took a step back from him.
"Why wouldn't we be?" Callie's shoulders rose and fell in a shrug that Rick pretty much glared to death. Her smile fell and she settled her hip to the side of the tailgate, arms yet again crossing over her chest as she held his gaze.
"Callie…"
"You tell me, Rick. Are we okay?" Callie said quietly. His eyes shifted over her face for a moment and then slid over his shoulder to the house, before his chin dipped down to his chest.
"Like you said, no reason we shouldn't be, right?" Rick said tightly. Callie watched the muscle in his jaw twitch twice as he clenched his jaw and she couldn't help but nod her head.
"Yeah," Callie said as she sat along the tailgate as Rick rubbed a hand at the sore muscles in his neck. Rick's gaze hit hers and she gave him a wan smile. He nodded in return and let out a low sigh as his eyes drifted around him. His gaze slipped over the area and the scattered bags and supplies, and then towards the neatly packed tents and storage containers. Things that should have been moved into the house by now. Things that were more telling than she really planned for them to be. "Rick-"
"I know you well enough to know that this trip isn't just for us, that you're not goin' to stay here at the farm," Rick said in a low tone that reverberated up her spine. His eyes hit hers and she felt a sudden pang of regret that punctured something deep in her. A pang so painful it made her spine stiffen and her jaw clench. Rick raised a hand as her mouth opened to respond, and he held her gaze. "I want you to, Callie. I want you to stay."
"Because you need me," Callie said back, her hands clenching on the tailgate where they'd settled.
"No," Rick said immediately, his head shaking as he once again took a step towards her. "Not that. Never again for that. I need you, but that's not why…"
Another step and his knee brushed her dangling leg. She stared at him. That question of 'if they were okay' once again echoing and that unsaid resounding 'no' blaring in both of their ears. Rick's gaze shifted away at the same time hers did and he stepped to the side, his backside colliding with the tailgate next to her as his shoulders slumped and his hands rubbed at his face.
"Isn't that a reason to leave?" Callie asked in a breathless tone barely above a whisper. She wasn't sure he heard her at all until his muttered response filled her ears.
"It's not going to change anything," Rick said quietly. "Running never does."
"You have no idea how good I am at runnin'," Callie said in return, her eyes hitting on her hands as they clenched in her lap now. "I've been running from things for a very long time, Rick. Since before this hell on earth happened. It's what I do," Callie said shifting her eyes up to him.
"It's not...you don't have to run from me," Rick said quietly.
"I don't think I could," Callie said back. She smiled at her hands, realizing just how horribly true that statement was and shook her head before continuing. "It's not that," Callie said shifting her eyes to his. The concern and confusion in his eyes had her firming her lips. "You don't…" Callie shook her head and stood up, her feet propelling her away, while Rick's sudden grip at her arm pulled her back. She kept her back to him and stared towards the house, through the walls and into that kitchen. Her next words rushing out before she could stop them. "I killed my family in kitchen. Put them all down there. Sammy was on the table, his insides fallin' all around him. Danny put a pillow over his face before I-" She cut herself off and closed her eyes tight as Rick roughly pulled her back towards him. His arms moved to wrap around her but she deflected them, leaving him to hold tight to her shoulders. Her shoulders fell slightly and she sucked in a breath, marveling just slightly at the weight that lifted. "Danny's the only other person who knows about that," She said more to herself than to him, but she felt his hands clench where they rested telling her that he'd heard her just the same. Her eyes opened and she stared into his slightly shining blue eyes. "I can't run from that anymore, Rick. Otherwise it's just gonna keep on repeating. And I can't -" she shook her head. "I can't go through it again. This isn't about - it's not about us. Not totally. It's about me. And facing things. Can you understand that? I mean, have you ever run from anything?"
Rick stared at her, one hand clenching tight for a just a moment as the other lifted to slowly wipe away the single tear that had slipped down her cheek. His thumb pressed along the skin at the corner of her lips and moved slowly, his eyes intent upon that spot. So intent that she had work to calm the beating of her heart.
"Yes," He said in a hushed almost pained tone, pulling away and letting his hands fall.
Callie took in a long deep breath, as they stared at one another. Rick stood there for a moment his body rocking just a bit towards before he checked himself again. He was so close in that fleeting moment, his breath fanning along her face. She felt her body react in a way she hadn't been prepared for, a reaction that hand her hands clenching tight at her sides to keep from reaching for him as he moved away. There was a horridly sickening moment of awareness then for her of just how much she wanted him to step closer and kiss her. A moment that passed through her as a shiver that she pressed down and away as far as she could. She watched Rick move himself further away until once again he settled hard at the tailgate.
"You're set on this then?"
"I am," Callie said with a small smile as she shifted to sit beside him on the tailgate. She moved so that there was space between them, a much needed space that helped despite how fucking small he made it every time he leaned towards her. "I owe Danny this, Rick. If it wasn't for him…." She shook her head and looked at him. "It's what we need to do. Even if it hurts me to do it."
"I told Danny on the highway I'd help him find his boy," Rick said, his hand settling along the tailgate, his pinky barely brushing her thigh. "I know that pain and I told him I'd go with him." Rick looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "I can't go. I want to…"
"I know," Callie said back, watching him shake his head. "You can't do it all, Rick."
"I want to," Rick said again, his eyes skipping up towards the house and then back to her.
"It's a two way street, Rick," Callie said settling her hand atop his and squeezing. He looked up at her then and she smiled. "I want you to come, but you can't. We want to stay, but we can't." Rick's hand shifted under hers and she let him entwine their fingers. They sat there for a few moments, their eyes shifting over the house and the farm around them as Rick's thumb slowly swiped over her knuckle.
"Quite the pair you and me," Rick muttered as his thumb continued its slow steady movement over her knuckles. She smiled at him as she nodded and squeezed his hand in return as they both stared off towards the house. Callie's eyes once again found purchase on that small shed just a few yards away, and she knew she tensed up again by the way his hand tightened on hers. Her mind slipped to the man beside her, the man she knew would take on the brunt of everything she was planning on leaving behind. Because he wasn't the type to share the load, he was the type you had to beat over the head and take some from. Rick's hand tightened again on hers and his fingers twitched for freedom and Callie shifted her eyes over to him. She looked over and found Rick's gaze locked once again on Shane's distinct figure speaking to Carl near the cars. Rick's body had coiled up and she shook her head to clear it before nudging him with her shoulder and pushing off the tailgate.
"So, moving on to things that are far more immediate," Callie said getting Rick's attention back on her. "You wanna discuss the Shane situation?"
"What situation?" Rick snapped back.
"Well, I ran into Andrea and she told me about you askin' her to watch out for him while you're gone," Callie raised a brow and watched him roll his eyes and sigh. He waved a flippant hand at her before settling it at the bridge of his nose and rubbing. "C'mon Rick," Callie said slipping her hands into her back pockets and rocking back on her heels as he glared at her. "You're worried."
"I'm pissed off," Rick mumbled back.
"And worried," Callie countered. "You wouldn't have asked Andrea to play babysitter to him if you weren't."
"He's - he's not the man I knew," Rick said catching her gaze for a moment. "You were right. I don't know who he is now. And I can't risk what he might do with idle hands."
"So you ask Andrea to watch him, and she quite emphatically tells you to go ahead and shove your babysitting job up your ass," Callie said with a bit of a smile. Rick glared at her and she raised both hands in mock surrender. "Hey, paraphrasing," Callie said settling her hands at her hips and shifting her eyes over his before looking back to where Shane was now stalking about alone. "So she says no and you come out here to -" Callie's eyes closed and her head tilted back. "Oh Rick…don't."
"I want you to take him with you," Rick said in a matter-of-fact tone and Callie groaned.
"Did Danny put you up to this?" Callie shot back pointing an accusing finger as she glared off towards the house looking for the limping bastard. Rick sighed and rolled his eyes and Callie squinted at him. "Don't take this the wrong way, Rick. But have you lost your damn mind?" Callie said wiping a hand down her face before returning her gaze to him. She watched him shake his head and get to his feet.
"He needs a purpose, Callie. He needs to find something, something else, to focus himself on. I believe he can come back from where he is. We just need to handle the situation," Rick said emphasizing the last word and catching her gaze. "And I know you can handle him."
"Babysitting him like this is the same thing as if we'd have let Randall stay and put him under guard, Rick." Callie said back. She shook her head and let her gaze slide over to where Shane was now staring over at them.
"What do you suggest I do?"
"I don't know," Callie said letting out a long breath. "I'll talk to him. See if I can get him to come along with us. But when you get back, we're gonna have to figure this out. We either handle this situation, or let it go until he decides he needs to handle it himself. And I don't think either of us knows what that would entail; which could be a very bad thing."
"A'right," Rick said running his hands along his thighs, his chin down at his chest as he nodded slightly. "A'right." Rick shook his head and glanced over towards the house. His gaze shifted back to her and he smiled just a little, just enough that she could see it in his eyes. She smiled back, sharing in the ease and comfort that only open air could provide. "I should find Daryl. Probably gonna get an earful about makin' him wait this long." Rick said as he took a few steps off towards the house. Callie chuckled and nodded as she watched him slowly walk off. She watched him take a few steps and then stop, his head turning to look at her over his shoulder. He turned to face her, one hand settled at his hip the other reaching out and pointing a finger at her before dropping. "About before," Rick said quietly, his eyes holding hers. "About you leavin'. I'd like to help you and Danny plan things out. Look at the maps. Gather up supplies. Whatever I can do."
"I'd like that," Callie said smiling.
"We can maybe set up a meeting place. Somewhere close by here," Rick waved his hand around the farm area and she couldn't help but smile just a bit wider. "Some place where you can find us when you find them. A place you can run back to… when you're ready to."
"That," Callie said slipping her hands into her back pockets and rocking backwards just a bit. "That' is some pretty fuckin' hopeful thinkin' there, Rick."
"Yeah, well," Rick said smiling and shaking his head. "Someone once told me that maybe that's what people need these days."
"Sounds like a smart son of a bitch," Callie said back.
"Smarter than she acts," Rick said chuckling. Callie lifted her middle finger and waved it at him as he continued chuckling. He shook his head and shifted back around to start towards the house only to stop again after a few steps. "You headin' in?" Rick nodded his head towards the house in indication and Callie nodded.
"I'll be there in a minute," Callie said waving him off and shifting her eyes away. "Go check in with Daryl. Talk to Lori and Carl. I've just got something I need to finish first." She shifted her eyes back to him, catching is slightly worried gaze. "Go on. I'll find you."
Rick nodded his head and turned to go, and this time he kept on walking,
Callie watched as he slowly made his way down towards the house. She watched him bound up the steps and on to the porch where Daryl stood waiting for him. Watched him nod his head and slide around the porch with Daryl and Glenn and out of sight. Waited until Shane's looming figure turned his back and made his way slowly towards the beat up windmill in the distance.
Waited until she was sure she was alone before she slammed the back end of the Hummer closed and let her gaze once again travel just past the house and the small assortment of graves they'd come to assemble here and stopped on her destination. Her hand slipped to her gun settled firmly in the holster at her hip and she began to walk, her eyes skipping out over the area as she made her way towards it, making sure that no one was at her back. She felt her skin begin to crawl slightly the closer she got, her mind reeling its way back in time as it seemed to do so frequently now. Only this time she stopped herself from being dragged back into that darkness. She stopped it and hardened herself against it. She pressed it back and swallowed it down hard, her fingers slipping into her front pocket where she'd put the keys she grabbed this morning. She put the key to the lock and opened the door slowly.
The small amount of light from outside crept slowly along the dirty floorboards of the old shed, and she squinted to adjust her eyes to the semi-darkness.
One last thing that had to be done before Rick and Daryl could leave. One last thing she had to do.
Callie worked her way inside the shed, her eyes skipping over the small table and chair and then over to the wall. She left the door open slightly, just that little bit of light illuminating him where he sat along the wall. She stopped right before him, watching him squirm in his restraints. Watching as he tried to shift his head to remove the dirty scraps of fabric tied over his eyes and mouth. His head began to move more frantically, his fear of whoever was in there with him starting take over as small whimpers and muffled words slipped out between teeth and fabric.
Callie watched him for a few more seconds. A smug sort of satisfaction rolling over her at his fear. She snarled slightly as her thumb worked over the butt of her gun and smiled as his frantic motions finally worked to move the blindfold so that it settled along his nose.
"Hello, Randall," Callie said pulling her gun from the holster and stepping towards him.
One for the so named dreamers,
One for the wicked man,
One for the peaceful protests
That keeps war in demand
Who knows if I'll see you again
Time won't save our souls,
Time won't save my soul
~Shuffle Your Feet/ Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
AN: Hey look. I got me a chapter up. We're heading into the home stretch. There's a lot of stuff happening right now that's really just build up for things that are going to happen much much much much much later in our story. But this is all necessary stuff people. At least to me. So I guess that's really all that matters, hmmmm?
Now, we're leaving on quite an interesting twist I'd say. I'd hope it was an unexpected one that leaves you wanting.
So since we are sooooo close to the big finale, which lets' be honest it's gonna be more than one chapter and broken up in odd sorts of ways so bear with me people…. I'm going to put the question out there, for those that would like to guess.
Can you guess the group break down at the fall of the farm. Who ends up with who and where? I'm eager to see if you guys may have it all figured out by now.
Much love ! happy reviewing! Also follow me on tumblr at newmeaningssaga for more fun Fic stuff!