Chapter 5: Gotta Get You Alone
"…You never cease to amuse me…" I roll his words from earlier around in my head as I pick up groceries on autopilot. I barely even notice that I have my fingers entwined with the lock of hair he touched. Back at my apartment I follow my routine of dinner, homework, shower, and rest after I put away the groceries. In bed I continue to roll his words around in my head and try to hold back the smile that forms on my face.
The week comes to a close like any other week, but Inutaisho-sensei ignores me all together. He goes far; to the point where I would volunteer to read or answer a question but he will call on someone else who does not have their hand raised. To my surprise, his new attitude towards me stings a little bit, and I am left wondering what is going through his mind. I leave it at that and accept it for what it is. His actions towards me are inappropriate, and only the Sakura I imagined myself to be in the past would feed into it.
I take a deep breath while my mind slips deeper into my invented life. My memories go back as I imagine trysts with older men. No real interests there. Just need to get work done and, through them, I had to do it. My reverie builds upon itself as I conjure a meeting with a teacher. This teacher was coming on to me, so I thought to use it to my advantage. Teasing and testing: giving him tastes of what he wants in exchange for adjusting my grades and marking me present when I would ditch. Eventually he grew tired of my games, and furious that I would not go all the way. He exposed me, and played the part of a pitiful victim so well that the council leaned in his favor. My reputation did not help either. The school was more than happy to be rid of a bad apple.
"Uematsu will be staying after sixth period for detention," the voice of Nekoi-sensei, my English teacher, fishes me out of my playback. He rights my name on the board and turns to me, "for not paying attention and ignoring me as I called you three times."
I was not upset about receiving detention. In fact, I was more than willing to stay after school, alone, with Inutaisho-sensei. He strides in at the start of sixth period. He looks at my name on the board, and I catch a trace of irritation and some other emotion before he reverts back to a calm demeanor. He must be in a bad mood as I witness him giving detention to another student soon after for the most trivial reason. I inwardly grumble as the rest of the class leaves at the end of the day except for Haru-kun who will be in detention with me. I pull out the cleaning supplies and get to work. I find myself irritated for two reasons: One, if Haru-kun were not here I would be alone with Inutaisho-sensei. Then I could… Well, I do not know what I would do. He is just intriguing when no one else is around. Two, Haru-kun is lazily doing the duties, and his cleaning is not up to standards.
"Damn, sensei. Giving me detention just for not having my shirt buttoned all the way," Haru curses under his breath.
I steal a glance at our teacher who is grading papers at his desk seemingly ignoring our existence. I focus back on the cleaning, and gripe at Haru for missing spots here and there. Eventually I just make him stand to the side while I finish. He does not complain, and when I am done he bolts out the door. I grab my things at a normal pace and slowly head to the door in hopes that Inutaisho-sensei will say something to me. Just as I reach the doorframe I peak behind me. He is quietly focused on a paper he is grading, but I can see a small smile on his face.
The following week I am doing my best to be the worse student in the class. Well, just the last two classes of the day. I found out that the teachers in my morning classes actually have me spend detention with them during the lunch hour. My efforts are fruitless. I find that Inutaisho-sensei would actually let all my actions slide with a warning or pretend he did not see anything. If Nekoi-sensei would sign me up for detention, Inutaisho-sensei would immediately give detention to the first poor kid who did something (even remotely) wrong. "He's really trying to avoid being alone with me," I think to myself as I get off the train at the end of the day. I finally picked up on this, and I resolve to cut the misbehavior. "All of my efforts have been in vain, and I'm honestly getting tired of cleaning up the classroom while the poor kid of the day watches."
I plop onto my bed and mentally scratch out Plan A. Rolling on to my back; I let out an exasperated sigh. "I give up… And I've more than filled my detention quota for the term. Anymore and I'll get sent to the principal." I grab one of my pillows to cover my face, and I close my eyes. Soon, my body relaxes, and my subconscious floats away.
"Dream or flashback?" I wonder to myself as images of the Sunday I visited the theater and museum surrounds me. Yet, contrary to what I remember, the visions play in reverse. I start off at the grocery store with Inutaisho-sensei suggesting I buy the balsamic dressing. Rather than glare at him and put it away, my actions are more pleasant as I agree then invite him to come to the museum with me. We stroll together side by side and glance at the exhibits every now and then. He listens intently to me, with a rare smile, as I go on about the different displays and why there needs to be more funding for those projects. Next, we're about to say our goodbyes at the front of the museum when he asks me where I am going next. I tell him the theater and ask if he would like to join. We sit in the dark room next to each other, and we watch the pictures move in front of us. Like in reality, I feel tears pour out of my eyes at the end of the movie. This time it is different as I feel someone else's fingers wipe them away. I turn to see Inutaisho-sensei looking at me with emotions I cannot fathom. Whatever I see in his eyes beguile me as his palm cups my cheek and he slowly begins to lean in…
I jolt up knocking a pillow off of my bed and shock coursing through my veins. "Did I really just dream that?" I blush, and look around my apartment wide-eyed. I feel somewhat guilty, like a person who is doing something wrong but has no desire to stop. "It's because of him. He's been messing with my head," I try to convince myself, "But I have to find out for sure. I have to find out if I am over thinking things or imagining things."
July is here, and everyone is getting excited for the end of the term and summer break. We just have to get through finals. Everyone has formed into study groups, and I prepare to study by myself when one of the girls asks me to join her group. With no excuse not to, I comply.
"Inutaisho-sensei is so strict!" one of the girls says.
"I know! If it weren't for his good looks I would dread his class at full capacity!" says another girl.
"He looks good until those piercing eyes are on you! I can never hold my own under that scary gaze," girl number one says.
The girls in my group go on about Inutaisho-sensei. Back and forth from "he's so charming" to "he's so scary". I find myself relieved when it becomes evident that none of the girls have had the same interactions with him that I have had. "So I can cross over thinking things off my list." Now I know he does not interact the same way with the rest of the girls. I just need to know if I imagined it all now.
"You ask him!"
"No, you ask him!"
"Uematsu-senpai, will you ask sensei if reading comprehension is going to be a big part on the final exam?"
"Please? You seem to be the least intimidated by him."
"Sure," I say hiding my willingness to do it (my extreme willingness to do it).
I get up and walk over to his desk where he is reading a book from our class's collection.
"Inutaisho-sensei, I have a question."
He looks up from his book, "What is it, Uematsu?"
"The girls in my group are wondering if reading comprehension will account for a large part of the final."
"Yes, it will," he says curtly before looking back at the pages in his book.
"Thank you, sensei," I say with a little irritation rising within me, "And sensei?"
He looks back up at me without moving his head.
"Remember to place that book in the correct section when you're done reading it," I say to him as I walk away.
"Uematsu-senpai, are you trying to get into trouble?" girl number one asks me.
"He's glaring daggers at you right now!" girl number two says trying to hide behind her book.
"He doesn't scare me. Let him glare all he wants," I say loud enough for him to hear.
The clock strikes three and Inutaisho-sensei dismisses us.
"Uematsu, I would like to have a word with you," he says from his desk.
I ignore the ooh's uttered from the students and smile when girl number one wishes me luck. Girl number two looks at me sadly as she walks out of the classroom.
"Your behavior has been below par as of late," he says stepping out from behind his desk and striding towards mine. He leans on the desk next to me and folds his arms. I peak up at him through my lashes. His gaze pierces right through me.
"What do you mean?" I ask innocently.
"I mean that you have been acting out lately. And I have observed that there seems to be a method to your behavior," he says emotionless, "do I need to call your therapist?"
"That's not necessary, sensei."
"If it isn't necessary then I have to assume you are getting yourself into trouble on purpose," he says with a smirk. I look back down at my bag to hide my warming cheeks. "Caught!"
"It is neither. I've just had a bad month. That's all," I say trying to look bored.
"You do well to not let that control your behavior. Anymore steps out of line and I will have to send you to the principal, and you know how well he tolerates poor behavior."
I look up into his eyes, and he is serious. This is not going the way I would have hoped. "Perhaps I was imagining everything." I take a deep breath and say to him, "Thank you for the warning, Inutaisho-sensei. I will keep that in mind."
He stands up straight and heads back to his desk. "You are excused now, Uematsu," he says without looking back. I get up with my things in hand and head out the door. "I really was imagining everything," I think to myself as I nearly run to the train station. I cannot help myself as tears begin to form in my eyes, and I just look down when blinking them away does not work. "Why do I feel so crushed?" I find that sadness easily takes a hold of me because I was not able to rebuild my defenses to keep it out. I curl up in my seat on the train and mentally slap myself for being upset over something I never had.
For the rest of the week I do not participate much in any of my classes. I do not volunteer to read or raise my hand to answer any questions. I suppose I just want to shut the doors and keep to myself. To my pleasure, no one notices; not even the girls in my study group question why I have not said a word. Everyone leaves me alone, and no body beckons to hear a word from me. That changes just a week before finals, and the spiteful perpetrator is Inutaisho-sensei. Of all people, it has to be him.
"Uematsu, read section three of the chapter and tell us what you make of it," for the first time in two weeks he calls on me. I find myself mildly irritated, but I obey him. He calls on me a couple more times after that, and to my surprise he actually looks at me while I answer. Normally, he would keep his eyes cast down to the book in his hands. When he allows us to get into our study groups I wonder what changed his attitude, but then I brush it off. "Do not over think things, again."
He continues to call on me up until Saturday when he allows us to spend the entire class in our study groups since exams are next week. After school I head straight home deciding on going grocery shopping tomorrow instead. I cannot comprehend why, but I have been feeling drained all week. All I have wanted to do after school is go straight to bed and just sleep. Even though it is early in the afternoon, I cannot imagine anything I would rather do in place of being under my blanket. Even though I was in bed only five hours ago, I cannot think of anything more blissful than lying there for another few hours (or maybe until tomorrow morning).
On Sunday I swing my legs over the side of my bed and trudge to my bathroom. I will shamelessly admit to being in bed for more than twenty-four hours when I look at my watch and it reads half past 1600 hours. After washing up, I decide on dressing up a bit so that at least my surface can appear bright and full of life. I don a mint green tube dress with a high-low trim and brown sandals. After applying makeup and attempting to do something with my hair, I am out the door. I am fully ready for a usual trip to the grocery store to grab my usual items as I wonder down the usual aisles. Then, the feeling of deja vu hits me when I turn the corner and see a certain sensei that has been plaguing my thoughts.
I halt my steps and quietly turn on my heel. As quietly as I can, I walk away from him and hope that he does not notice me. Of course, I have not been getting anything I hope for lately.
"Uematsu," I hear him call to me, and I feel my heart stall for a few reasons.
"Hi, sensei," I shyly respond after turning back around, "I'm sorry I left my book at home. Can't read the synopsis of chapter whatever and answer any questions."
He looks at me with an amused expression, and I can tell that it is definitely brought on by my discomfort. "Evil jackass. Honestly, does he get off on making me uncomfortable?" I observe him as he casually replaces the jar of cocktail olives back in its place on the shelf. He turns his gaze back on me then makes his way in my direction. His steps stop just a couple feet away from me, and if his eyes did not melt me in place I would have ran away.
"Is there something you need me to help you with?" I say gathering all my confidence to look him in the eyes.
"I would just like to commend you for the poem you submitted for the last assignment before final exams," he smoothly states, "It's nice to read a piece by you that isn't so dreary."
"Thank you. I suppose I just needed inspiration."
"As you are charmed in your poem, I am interested to know what inspired you."
"Just everyday things. Some we hardly notice."
"Such as the behavior of those around us?"
"You can say that."
"The behavior of other's can be so unpredictable, wouldn't you agree? Wouldn't you say that they can astonish us at any given moment?"
"You ask questions you already know the answer to," I blankly say to him.
"I'm just reiterating the underlying meaning of your poem," he says back, "Now, it's your turn to ask questions. I know that you have a few for me."
"No, sensei. You've thoroughly covered everything in class."
"Those aren't the questions I am referring to. I know that there is something you want to ask me about that has nothing to do with class," he says reading my mind like that book he did not put in the right spot, "You don't seem to be doing much shopping. Let's go."
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